Forged Anew
by DasewigGewitter
Summary: AU FanFiction set on Asgard after the first Avengers movie. Released from prison, Loki is ready to create some mischief. Only his plan finds him tangled up with a strange Asgardian woman who refuses to be his pawn. A moment in time where Loki has a chance to redeem himself- does he take it? Advanced warning- this one starts out pretty dark. [12/7/16: In Revision for errors]
1. Prologue: Traded Away

Asgard. City of the gods- good for the most part. Some…not so much. The Midgardians see us all as powerful and important. I suppose when they look at a prince like Thor, it's impossible for that to be anything but true.

Well it's not.

I have never deluded myself that I was important- or powerful. I was a nobody in Asgard. A freak, some might say. The great Allfather had only taken me in because I was distantly related. _Very_ distantly related. I'd tried to work out my parentage one day long ago, but gave up. Knowing wouldn't make my situation any better. The other gods had teased me for having no innate talent. Why shouldn't they? Thor had his lightning, and the others their own skills. I had nothing. So I learned early on to keep to myself. At least if I was alone, they couldn't hurt me.

That had worked for a while, but the Allfather must have remembered me suddenly. After a particularly successful battle against the Dark Elves, he was announcing gifts to his warriors. To my horror, I heard him call out my name- a wife for the warrior Danethar. At first I thought it was a mistake. After all, I was a free Asgardian, not some trinket to be traded away without even asking. But Odin had done just that.

I glanced at Danethar. He was doing his best not to scowl, from what I saw. The Allfather seemed not to notice that neither party seemed overly happy with his choice of gift. He'd already moved on to the next subject.  
_What did I do to deserve this,_ I'd cried inwardly at the time. _I never asked for anything but to be left alone. I don't want to be a wife._

So I'd gone to Frigga the next morning- as early as I dared. The Queen admitted me, and had listened as I pleaded to be released from my fate. But Frigga had done nothing for me. Two days later, she'd brought back news that Odin would not rescind his gift, or exchange it for another. I still wasn't sure whether the woman had even tried to convince him to do either.

Danethar and I were wed days later, and I had only one goal that day. I refused to let anyone see me cry. Not a single tear throughout the whole ceremony or the feast afterwards. Not even when the brute of a man hauled me out of my chair and half-dragged me off to the house we were now to share as husband and wife.

But the tears did come in the end. I wouldn't think about what happened to cause them. Couldn't. Or I might find out just how hard it was to kill an Asgardian. I'd come close the next morning, standing on the edge of a tower high above the city. Sadly, I didn't have the nerve- or the conviction- to leap. Instead, I forced myself to bury memories of that night.

Of _every_ night.

Over the past two months, I'd buried a lot of things where they couldn't see the light of day. Judging by the look on Danethar's face, today would give me another memory to add to that horde.

1


	2. Chapter 1: A Cure for Boredom

Loki was bored. So incredibly bored. Even though his imprisonment after his unfortunate defeat on Midgard was over, he wasn't impressed with his newly restored freedom. Or so _they_ called it. He wasn't allowed to leave Asgard- or much beyond the palace, really. A different kind of cage, but a cage none-the-less. And it bored him.

_I should have been allowed to join the battle against the Dark Elves,_ he sulked. _At least_ that _would have proved more interesting than being left behind like a useless child._

The warriors- not to mention his idiot brother, Thor- talked of nothing else since their return. Even two months later Loki heard the same tales repeated ad nauseum. Pathetic heroics. Nothing at all worth so much boasting. If he'd gone, Loki would have shown them true mastery over the Dark Elves.

How frustrating and annoying it had been to sit through the feast upon their return. Loki stood up and paced his room in agitation at the memory. Odin, so high and mighty. So _generous_ to bestow gifts upon such _worthy_ heroes. And especially that insignificant clod, Danethar. Surely the Allfather was mad to have gifted him with a wife at all, never mind one who was kin of the line. So she wasn't anything special. Loki couldn't quite recall her name, actually. Still, it was far more than the warrior deserved. He would never have permitted such a distasteful union if he were King of Asgard.

An idea came to him.

_Perhaps there's the answer to what I shall do to alleviate this boredom._ The God of Mischief smiled to himself. _I'm sure I can find a way to thwart the happy couple and ruin the Allfather's precious gift._

Getting into their home was simple. No doubt the Lady had need of maids and the like. He would simply become one and blend in with the others. Loki shifted form, taking on the appearance of a common servant woman. The disguise would fool his own mother, although she might suspect the green dress. Loki refused to change it. He would wear his colors and no other.

As he expected, no one paid any attention to him as he wound through the palace and to the street where he knew Danethar lived. The warriors weren't far from their King, of course. As he gazed upon the residence, he considered it much grander than the man deserved. Much like everything else he had. Loki slipped inside by way of the kitchen door. The cook looked up from the midday meal she was preparing and examined him thoroughly.

"What be your business here, woman," she barked.

Anger flashed through him at being addressed so rudely, but Loki reminded himself that it was all part of the game. Instead of the scathing retort he wanted to give her, he dipped into a curtsy. Such an odd and humiliating gesture it was for a prince.

"I was sent over by the Allfather to work as a maid for the Lady," he answered as humbly as possible.

"That so? I thought the Lady had insisted she didn't need one."

What, no servants? That was a small problem. Loki thought up a decent reply and curtsied again.

"The Allfather must have thought she did, in his great wisdom."

The cook was glaring at him with a long, hard stare. At last, he shrugged.

"Aye, all right, then. We'll see how long it lasts."

Strange words. Loki would have thought the Lady would welcome someone to pamper her every whim. They were such spoiled creatures in his opinion. And while he hadn't spent much time with this one- he still couldn't recall her name- he expected to find her little different from the others. Perhaps fortunate for him, she was already proving to be more of a challenge. All the better to make this game more interesting.

"I hope my services are satisfactory," he managed to say. "May I ask where I might find the Lady?"

A flash of alarm and…uneasiness…passed across the old woman's face.

"I think she and the Master are in the receiving room, but it would be wiser to stay here until he has left for the morning."

"Whatever for? Surely I should make my presence known to my new employer."

"I'm telling you, young missy, you should wait."

Loki ignored the woman's useless warnings and exited the room. He was very curious to see why she was trying to warn him away from Danethar and his lady love. A short flight of stairs led him to the main level. No sooner did he reach the hallway did he hear a voice coming from somewhere halfway to the other end. Danethar's. And he sounded boisterous as ever. Probably engaged in amorous activities with his bride.

A loud crash accompanied by a sharp cry of pain made him raise his eyebrows. Sounded like the couple were playing rough in there. Some table lamp or chair had suffered the brunt of whatever they were doing. Loki tried not to be nauseated by the thought of that oaf panting and grunting in the act of lovemaking. For the sake of his amusement he was willing to suffer many things, but that mental image was not one of them. Cautiously, he drew closer to the source of the commotion, hovering outside the door.

"Did I tell you that you could get up, bitch? You stay there- right there- where you belong."

"My Lord…" a woman's voice whispered hoarsely.

_CRACK_

Loki heard the unmistakable sound of an open-handed slap.

_Just what in the name of Hel is going on in there?_

"That's right- and don't you forget it. You'll do as I say, wench, and this is the least of what you can expect if you defy me another time."

"It was just one book…"

"I told you not to waste your time on that nonsense!"

A grunt and the sound of a boot connecting with something soft. Loki strained his ears to hear the weak whimper that followed.

"Fucking useless, that's what you are, Lilith. I should have been given a better prize than something as worthless as you."

Danethar's words grew louder, and just as he'd finished his tirade, he yanked the door open. Loki jumped back to avoid a collision. The warrior noticed him right away.

"Who in the nine realms are you?"

"A gift from the Allfather, my Lord," Loki replied without hesitation. "A maid for your wife."

"Another useless gift from the King," Danethar sneered, leering at him from head to toe. "Oh how honored I must be. Fine, then. Your _mistress_ awaits you inside."

With those mocking words, he left. For a few minutes, Loki could only stare after the warrior in disbelief. None of what he'd heard or seen so far made any sense. He wondered if someone was trying to play a trick on the god of all tricks. With a shake of his head, he entered the receiving room. A woman- Lilith, he reminded himself- lie trembling in a dress spattered with blood. Clutched in one hand was a slim volume bound in leather.

_This is no trick._

He was about to approach her when she raised herself on one arm. An ugly bruise circled her bicep, exposed by a rip in her gown. She pushed the auburn hair from her eyes with her other hand and dabbed gingerly at the blood running from her nose. Loki saw more bruises and what looked like the beginnings of a black eye. Danethar had really pounded on her.

Lilith must not have noticed him yet. She was staring mutely at the book she held. And then she sighed.

"At least this time he forgot to take the book," she muttered irritably. "I'll have to think of a place to hide it."

Loki was surprised. That rarely happened, so it left him unprepared. He'd come in here planning a particular game, but in light of these events, that plan was not going to work. Lilith was most definitely not a precious possession for him to steal or sully. Far from it. Danethar considered her an insult to him. And as for the Lady herself…she wasn't what he'd pictured, either. After a beating like that, Loki would have expected tears and all manner of hysterics. Not Lilith. She acted as if none of this was out of the ordinary.

_What if it isn't_, he thought to himself. _Was that what the cook was hinting at? Does she know about this?_

"Who are you?"

He nearly jumped as she directed that question to him, eyes piercing in their intensity. For the first time in his life, Loki couldn't think of a single thing to say. God of Lies and the silver tongue…struck dumb by this unusual Asgardian woman. Lilith

slowly rose to her feet, one arm wrapped protectively around her side. Her eyes never left him.

"Who _are_ you," she repeated in a tightly controlled voice.

"A maid," he managed to say at last.

"I see. Whose maid, exactly?"

"Yours, my Lady. The Allfather sent…"

"No," Lilith interrupted him. "I was very specific with the King that I would have no maid. You'll simply have to go back and remind him."

Maybe that was for the best. Having seen the state of things here, he had no reason to stay. Danethar wouldn't care if Loki took his wife for a playmate, so it hardly made sense to try. But perhaps there was still a game to be played here. The gods of Asgard- including Odin himself- were obviously unaware of how the warrior was treating his gift. Loki might stay a while and see what mischief he could cause for Danethar that way.

_At least I know I shan't be bored._

His mind set, Loki chose his battle plan to win over Lady Lilith. He smiled at her, adding a touch of regret.

"I'm afraid that's impossible, Lady. He's insisted you must maintain a proper station."

She laughed bitterly.

"He does, does he? And what station might that be?"

"You're a Lady of his kin and line. You must have servants worthy of it."

"Tell me- if I'm so lofty in his eyes, then shouldn't _I_ be the one to decide whether I have servants or not? So why don't you go tell the Allfather _that_."

"I wouldn't dare," Loki replied, feigning fear. "I couldn't. If you wish to dismiss me, you must tell him yourself."

That was a calculated risk. Loki knew if Lilith actually took him up on that, his game would be up and Odin would likely use this as some excuse to confine him in the dungeons again. But he gambled she wouldn't. Lilith glanced down at herself and blew out a frustrated breath. He'd won.

"Seeing as though I'm not fit to have an audience, I suppose I'm stuck with you for the time being. What do I call you?"

"Ilsa," he improvised.

"All right, Ilsa. I suppose this mess ought to be dealt with before Danethar returns."

* * *

I tried to be civil to the young woman. Ilsa couldn't help that she was played as a pawn in the Allfather's scheme. Although just what he hoped to do now was beyond me. Perhaps that maid was here to spy on me and spread gossip all around Asgard. It wasn't humiliating enough to endure the abuse of my husband, but now the rest of the world would know of it, too.

Gods, my whole body ached. Danethar had kicked me hard in the ribs. One was bruised and would need to be wrapped for the rest of the day. Maybe tomorrow, too. I couldn't imagine what Ilsa thought of my appearance. Surely, I had made one Hel of a first impression.

"If you'll give me a minute," I gritted through my teeth. "I need to get a change of clothes before tackling the room."

Either she misunderstood, or deliberately ignored that I intended for her to wait for me here. My temporary maid followed me like a second shadow to my bedroom. Unwilling to make a big deal of it either way, I merely got on with what I came in here to do. I unfastened the ties and catches on the dress Danethar had ruined.

"Shouldn't I be doing that, Lady," the woman said, reaching for the torn sleeve. I spun around quickly and gripped Ilsa's forearm with one hand.

"Don't ever. Touch me. Again," I commanded in an ominous hiss. "Not ever. Do you understand?"

Clearly startled, the maid's eyes widened and she tried to drop into a curtsy.

"Forgive me, Lady. I didn't mean any harm."

I released her arm, too agitated to care that Ilsa's skin bore the imprint of my fingers. No one was allowed to touch me. I could only endure so much. Even something so innocent as a maid assisting me to dress was more than I could bear. I pushed a strand of hair away from my face.

"I know."

"Is it because he beats you," the woman asked cautiously.

_If only. Be careful of the questions you ask, Ilsa, because I doubt you really want to hear my answers._ But I wouldn't admit to the real reason behind my order. If I said it aloud it would be real, and everything I buried would come rushing to the surface. No. Far better to lie.

"Yes," I forced out with a sharp smile. "That's why."

Ilsa nodded solemnly.

"I understand."

"Good. Now leave me be." The order came out sharper than I intended, and I made an effort to soften my tone as I continued, "You can wait in the reception room- I'll be ready to deal with it shortly."

I didn't wait for her to leave, and slipped out of the dress. My undergarments were next, leaving me naked before the mirror to witness the damage Danethar had done. It was part of the ritual of forgetting. I had to see it- every cut, bruise, scrape and injury stood out on my skin. Not too bad this time; I'd been lucky. Bandaging straps lay atop my bureau. I snatched a roll and wound it tightly around my injured ribs.

Once I'd finished, I pulled a fresh undergarment over my head and opened the wardrobe to find a new gown. Not too many left. I'd have to go shopping for new clothes soon or I'd be walking around the house stark naked before the week was out. Another worry for another day. I ran a brush through my hair and dabbed away the last of the blood. If I didn't look too closely, I could pretend nothing had happened.

Ilsa was still standing in the doorway when I turned around. While not embarrassed to have been seen by the maid, I was not prepared to find her there. Nor did I like the expression on her face.

"I thought you were waiting for me in the reception room," I said warningly.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Lady," the maid apologized after rousing herself from thought. "I didn't mean to stare, but I've never seen…"

"I'm pretty sure you've seen whatever I've got in your own mirror. As for anything else, I suggest you forget all about it."

"Begging your pardon, Lady, but…"

"Forgotten, Ilsa."

The maid looked troubled, but remained silent. Not a word the whole way back to the reception room, but I could feel the weight of her stare between my shoulder blades the whole way.

* * *

She lied.

Loki hadn't met anyone so enmeshed in lies in a very long time. Or since he last saw himself in a mirror. But that was beside the point. As he followed Lilith down the hall, he considered the lies she'd tried to feed him just now. The biggest had been during that brief moment when the Lady had nearly broken his wrist.

_Which still stings, by the way,_ he complained to himself.

Never would he have anticipated that she'd react quite that violently, despite having just received a beating from Danethar. So he'd asked, just to see what she'd say. And Lilith had lied. No one could lie to him without him knowing. Fortunate for him, because now Loki knew something far worse was going on here. Which meant soon he'd have more ammunition against that worm Danethar.

Whether she knew it or not, Lilith was going to help him bring the arrogant fool down. Piece by piece.

Loki continued to stare at her retreating back as they walked down the hallway. He had a plan regarding Danethar, but hadn't yet decided what to do with Lilith. In his mind, she'd always been a means to an end, nothing more. But now…the Lady wasn't quite as boring as most Asgardian women tended to be. Maybe he ought to think about what to do with her more thoroughly. Consider the possibilities.

_If she can handle Danethar's abuse, she should last a little while as a playmate in a much deeper game. And I could use the amusement as long as it lasts._

They'd arrived once more in the room where they'd first met. Loki gritted his teeth against the idea he'd debase himself to _clean_ anything. But as a maid, he could hardly tell his 'mistress' to leap off the Bifrost if she ordered him to do it. This disguise would test his patience more than Loki thought. He would be sure to remember that when _he_ was the one giving orders again.

Lilith rang a bell on a cord. Minutes later, the cook arrived with a bucket and a few rags. Keeping her eyes well away from either of them, the woman set both down and left. Loki waited for the order to fetch them and start scrubbing. But it didn't come. Lilith took the supplies herself and brought them to a spatter of blood on the marble floor. Without a word, she dunked the rag into the soapy water and began scrubbing. He didn't want to ask, but knew he ought to if she were to believe he was who he pretended to be.

"Lady, shouldn't I do that?"

Lilith looked up, and he almost got the sense she'd forgotten he was there. And then she returned to scrubbing the floor.

"No, Ilsa. I can handle this myself."

"Then what should I do?"

"What would I know? It wasn't my idea to have a maid. Didn't have one before and don't intend to have one much longer."

She certainly was a feisty thing. If he couldn't find a way to convince her to keep him on, Lilith would end this game before it really began. Loki couldn't have that. No way was he going back to the wretched dullness of his former cell.

"Lady, surely you have some use for me," he coaxed.

"If you're going to stay here until I can talk to the Allfather, might as well get one thing straight- my name is Lilith. I don't want to hear 'Lady' again."

"That's not…"

"I'm sure it's not what they train you, but I'm not one of _them_," Lilith cut in, waving a hand towards the palace. "Never was and never will be. So if this is an issue, you're more than welcome to go back whence you came and find another 'Lady' to serve. There should be plenty others looking for a personal maid."

"I don't have an issue, but I'm concerned others might."

A wry smile played over Lilith's lips. She didn't even pause what she was doing, or look up.

"Others meaning Danethar. Oh yes, I imagine he will. That's my concern, though. Not yours."

"Yes, Lady." A warning flicker as the woman's eyes caught his. "My apologies- Lilith."

"Better."

* * *

The last thing I needed was to have another person mocking me. I got enough of that from my husband. Now if only I could think of something to keep the woman occupied with while I dealt with the room. I spied the book, which I'd left on an end table. The last of my possessions from my long dead family. It would have to go; no hiding place would ever be secure enough to risk keeping it. I hated to give up one of my favorite pastimes, but Danethar wasn't bluffing. If he caught me with a book again, the next beating would be far worse than what he'd given me today.

"That book," I indicated with a nod. "It needs to be removed from this house."

"And delivered where?"

"Anywhere," I replied, hoping the maid did not notice how upset I was. "Wherever you wish."

Ilsa picked up the volume and read the title aloud.

"Great Philosophers of the East and West. What's this?"

"Midgardian philosophy."

"You read this?"

"Not anymore."

A pause.

"Where did it come from? I thought only the palace libraries contained works from Midgard."

"It's not important, Ilsa. Just make sure you take it with you when you go."

Thankfully, the woman dropped the matter and tucked the book in a hidden pocket of her dress.

"Consider it done, then."

"Thank you."

Finished mopping up the blood, I stood and surveyed the rest of the damage. Looked like one of the end tables and a lamp were casualties of the scuffle. Danethar would blame me for that later, as he always did when something was broken. Perhaps the table could be saved, but the lamp was ruined. I gathered up the shards of glass and threw them in the bucket. Meanwhile, Ilsa stood awkwardly near the sofa.

_Damn, this is going to be a nuisance. It'll take at least a few days before the bruises and swelling go down enough to request an audience with Odin. What am I going to do with this woman until then?_

At least I _hoped_ it would be just a few days. If I gave Danethar any reason to be annoyed with me before then, he might just add to my current injuries. With a sigh, I resigned herself to being as compliant as possible. Otherwise, I'd be stuck with Ilsa for much longer.

By the time those thoughts had run their course, the room looked back to normal. I rang the bell and Berda came to take the bucket away. At least my cook had learned quickly that asking questions would not be to her advantage and remained quietly unobtrusive to my daily routine. As opposed to this new maid, who seemed to want to question everything.

I took stock of the woman, now that there was time to do so. Although not completely unusual, I noted that Ilsa's hair was raven black, braided neatly in a long queue. Nothing too out of the ordinary about her figure, if perhaps a bit on the tall side. But something about her blue eyes struck me as strange. Almost as if I had seen them before- that brilliant shade of ice with a hint of green in their depths. I shook off the feeling and turned my thoughts to how to occupy the afternoon.  
Ilsa must have had similar ideas.

"What now, Lilith?"

"I suppose it wouldn't hurt to familiarize yourself with the house. I'll give you a tour."

"This hallway will lead you to the main rooms," I explained as we walked. Before each door, I paused to push it open and provide a little information. Until the final room- the bedroom opposite mine. Danethar's. No good would come of showing Ilsa _that_ room. Or the things in it.

"This is the Master suite. Do not enter it without permission."

Ilsa nodded. "I won't unless you instruct me to."

"Without _his_ permission, Ilsa, not mine."

Without waiting for a response, I turned away from the door and retreated down the hall. At the opposite end, a staircase led up to the second floor. I gestured to it with one hand.

"Upstairs are two guest suites and the servants' quarters. We can go see them if you've a wish to do so."

"No, thank you."

_Well, that killed a few minutes, but now I'm back where I started._

"What do you usually do during the day," Ilsa asked suddenly.

"It depends." _On how badly Danethar has beaten me_, I added silently. "Today I was going to garden."

"I doubt having a personal maid is a hindrance to those plans."

"I suppose not. The garden is in the side yard. Might as well get started while there's still time."

The garden was one of the few places I could relax and forget the horrific turn my life had taken over the past few months. I could sit for hours, daydreaming of the lives I might have lived if I hadn't been born in Asgard. All my life, I'd read whatever Midgardian literature I could get my hands on. Stories of adventure and fantasy. They'd filled me with wonder and longing to live in those realms instead of here. So while I pulled weeds, I composed new lives for myself. Not always perfect, since life rarely was. But at least I could choose the nature of those sorrows.

I spied an area that was badly in need of attention and grabbed my gardening tools. The three-tined weeding claw would do the trick, and I began dredging it through the soil. Picking out the weeds that had come loose, I paid attention to little else. In fact, several minutes went by before I realized Ilsa hadn't moved from the doorway. Reluctantly, I brushed off my hands and turned to the woman.

"I gather you don't know that much about gardening, do you?"

"Uh, no, not really."

"Do you want to learn?"

A strange look passed across the maid's face. Surprise and something else I couldn't name.

"I think I do."

I pointed to a spot next to me.

"Have a seat. There's a cushion on the chair over there if you want to make yourself more comfortable."

Ilsa brought the pillow with her and sat down. Nodding, I picked up one of the spikey weeds. I held it up so the woman could see it clearly.

"These…do not belong here," I said. "I try to get them before they take root too deeply, otherwise they're a bitch to eradicate."

At Ilsa's shocked expression, I remembered who I was talking to. A gentle woman like her had likely never heard a Lady use such language. Yet another thing to annoy me about having someone tagging along after me all the time.

"My apologies. I should do my best not to say things like that."

"You don't have to change on my account. I was just…surprised."

"No doubt. Swearing isn't a standard part of female conversation in Asgard. But I did warn you that I'm no Lady."

"No, you're not," Ilsa agreed with a slight frown. "Honest- it makes no difference to me how you speak."

"If that changes, you will let me know."

The woman bobbed her head, and I was satisfied. We continued with the gardening lesson.

"So, as I was saying, these must all go."

Something in my tone must have caught Ilsa's attention.

"You sound almost sad about that."

"I am," I admitted.

"But why, if they're weeds?"

"They're really quite beautiful, actually, especially when they mature enough to blossom. I hate to destroy something so lovely."

"Then why do you?"

"Because if I let them grow, they'll run wild over the entire garden, choking out the other plants. And as beautiful as they are, the variety is what makes the garden what it is."

"So there's no hope for them?"

"I tried to grow one in a potted urn long ago," I recalled, sadly wistful. "It lived, but never truly _thrived_. I never saw it bloom. Not once. And one day, it withered and died. My fault; it's not meant to be tame."

* * *

Loki stared at the weed, feeling oddly sympathetic to its plight. What a fate- either to be plucked out of existence so early, or to be deprived of any natural life at all. And yet it kept returning, forcing the world to recognize its existence.  
What surprised him more had been Lilith's reaction. Why should she feel regret or admiration for the plant? Gardeners at the palace saw it only as a constant annoyance to be destroyed. Loki had seen them ripping up piles and piles of it during the spring and summer. Not one of them gave it much thought. But Lilith did. So very, very strange.

_What would she say about the God of Mischief, I wonder?_

Loki was tempted to ask, but held back. He told himself that such a question would risk her discovering his identity. Or at least arouse unwanted suspicion.

_You're lying to yourself_, whispered a tiny voice in the back of his mind. But as the lie suited his needs, Loki chose to ignore what truth may be lurking beneath it.

Lilith moved on with the lesson. She showed him the varieties of flowers and ferns growing in the garden. He'd originally thought he'd be bored, but the subject turned out to be more interesting than he'd feared. The garden was almost like a small kingdom she ruled. Lilith chose what would- and would not- grow in it, and decided everything from where they lived to how they died. She had an acute eye for order and precision, he noticed. And the result was beautiful. She ought to have been installed as one of the architects in the palace gardens; her skills were wasted here.

_How typical of the Allfather to squander true talent._

They worked silently for some time before Loki decided to press her more about Danethar. He gambled that if she were partially distracted by the task at hand, she might be less reticent about details he could use against the warrior.

"So is he always like that," he asked absently.

"More or less."

"Forgive me, but it doesn't sound like much of a recommendation to married life."

"You must not be married yourself, Ilsa."

"No, not yet."

"Then I suppose you're right. But a beating now and then isn't the worst of things."

Loki said nothing for a while, gathering the leafy stems of a flowering vine together so Lilith could tie them in place on the trellis. When he felt as though she thought the subject closed, he posed his next question.

"What could be worse?"

"Don't worry about it. I'm sure you'll find someone who cares for you and you won't need to know. In fact, telling you would only cause undue anxiety about the whole business. So let's just drop it, Ilsa."

He wasn't going to be shut down so easily. If Lilith wasn't going to speak of it on her own, he'd have to push first. Doing his best to act the part of a naïve young maiden, he stopped working and faced her with a concerned look.

"It's the marriage bed thing, isn't it? That's why you won't tell me. You think I'm too young to know about that."

"If you want to know about the marriage bed, you should ask your mother, not me."

"Oh believe me, I have. She says it's wonderful."

"I'm glad someone finds joy in it," Lilith muttered almost under her breath.

"See, this is why I'm asking," Loki insisted. "I think she's deliberately not telling me things!"

"Ilsa, I doubt your mother is lying to you."

"But you agree she isn't telling me something."

"It's not intentional. She can't tell you things she doesn't know."

"But _you_ know."

Lilith turned away from him, gathering up the gardening tools. She made no attempt to deny the statement, nor did she elaborate upon it. Loki debated what to do. He was almost certain what was going on here, but couldn't act without confirming it. Time to be reckless.

"You don't want to share Danethar's bed, do you?"

"Ilsa."

"But he makes you do it, anyway. Doesn't he?"

"_Ilsa_."

"Lilith, it's true, isn't it?"

"So what if it was?"

"But…" Loki let his voice falter, as if in disbelief. "But that's _rape_."

Lilith slammed the tools on a sturdy wooden table and spun around to face him. Rage blazed in her sapphire eyes as she stalked his way. Loki couldn't help backing up, even though he knew she was no match for his strength or power. Even in this form. He knew from experience that true rage knew no boundaries. Safer not to find out what she _could_ do to him. Lilith stopped just inches away from where he stood.

"You will leave this house immediately," she commanded in a tone deadly at its core. "You are never to be in my presence again. Now get out."

"But, Lilith…"

"_GET OUT!_"

When Loki answered, he was embarrassed to admit that this time, the tremble in his voice wasn't completely feigned.

"N-no, I won't."

"Excuse me?"

"I won't leave. Not until I'm dismissed by the Allfather himself."

The sapphire of Lilith's eyes darkened. He wasn't sure if it was possible for her to get any angrier, but this threatened to test the limits. And as someone who knew of rage, Loki admitted that she was both formidable and magnificent in her fury. He looked forward to a time when he could see just what she was capable of doing when provoked.

Gradually, her temper smoldered into frustration.

"Rest assured," Lilith snarled menacingly. "That day is short in coming."

"So you've said before."

"I mean it. And I mean what I say next as well. This subject is closed. I may not be able to dismiss you, but I will use whatever means I have to silence you if you bring it up again."

"I didn't mean to anger you. I was only trying to understand."

A hard, cynical expression crossed Lilith's face and she laughed. If he could even call that a laugh.

"Understand? Fine, if you're so interested in the truth, then I'll explain it to you. Just this once. And don't say I didn't warn you."

He waited.

"What you described is _not_ rape. A husband cannot steal what is his right to claim. Whenever he wishes; however he wishes. So keep that in mind when you're thinking of marriage, and make use of the freedom of choice that was denied to me."

"But it's not right."

"I promised to tell you the truth," she replied. "In two months, I've learned that just because something is true, that seldom means that it's right."

With that, she turned on her heel and walked away. Loki didn't move. He should feel elated that he'd gotten what he wanted out of her. Lilith had told him enough to ruin Danethar's life. The information in the right hands today could see the unworthy miscreant destroyed before sunset. Or Loki could use it to tear his life away from him piece by piece. Slowly and methodically.

Everything he'd hoped to do when he set out to play this game.

But he wasn't feeling the heady rush of excitement that usually coursed through him at a time like this. Instead he felt…angry. It rose almost so quickly that Loki had trouble containing his temper. And beneath that, something akin to regret. Some part of him almost wished that Lilith would have told him that Danethar never forced her into his bed. Wished that it wouldn't have been a lie. Not a normal reaction for him, and a worrisome one at that.  
As he shuffled into the house, Loki tried to shake off the unwelcome thoughts to focus on his next move. _Don't lose sight of the game._

* * *

"Mother, have you seen Loki at all today?"

Frigga turned to the sound of her son's voice and shook her head.

"No, dear, I haven't. Why, do you suspect he's tried to escape again?"

"Not escape," Thor assured her. "Heimdall said he hasn't seen him anywhere near the Bifrost. But I fear he's up to some mischief all the same."

_When isn't he_, she mused to herself sadly.

Despite his faults, Loki was still her son. Frigga knew he was capable of many terrible crimes. The havoc he'd caused in Midgard recently only reminded her of that fact too well. But deep in her heart, she always hoped one day he'd overcome his childish pranks and tantrums to be a man worthy of Asgard. Prove to Odin and everyone else that what made him different from his brother did not make him weak, but simply gave him different skills that were useful in their own right.  
A seemingly impossible thing to hope for, but a mother could do no less for her child. And so she continued to defend him and push him where others may have given up.

"Did Heimdall say where he _did_ see him?"

"The last he saw of my brother, Loki was in his apartment. That was early this morning. He's not been seen since."

Not good. It was nearing time for the evening meal. If Loki failed to appear for it, Frigga knew Odin would be quite upset. He'd only just agreed to let their son out of the dungeons a few months ago, so this could easily change his mind.

_Please, my son, do not let me down._

The gods heard her prayer, somehow. Frigga spied Loki across the grounds of the palace. He strolled along without the slightest hint that he'd been up to anything more than a walk. That meant little, of course. But she buried her worries and smiled at him.

"My son, your brother and I were just talking of you."

Loki regarded Thor warily, but turned his steps to them.

"Oh?" he replied nonchalantly. "How considerate of you, Brother."

"Where have you been all day," Thor demanded, and Frigga did her best not to sigh.

"Reacquainting myself with my home, of course. After all, it's been a long time since I've had the freedom to see it."

"Is that so- and what part may that be? Heimdall says he caught no sight of you after breakfast."

"Oh dear," Loki answered with a mocking pout. "Sounds like the poor Watchman is getting on in years. If he can't keep track of one measly god, how can we hope he'll be able to safeguard all of Asgard?"

"Loki," she warned as she saw Thor's face darken in anger.

His gaze fell upon her, and she saw Loki make an effort not to say whatever else he'd intended to provoke Thor's temper. The look in his eye reminded her of every other time he'd gone too far and knew she'd been hurt by it. Sorry for her pain, if not for the act that had caused it. He bowed slightly.

"My apologies, Mother. I jest of course. Heimdall is more than capable at his post."

Thor appeared not to be wholly appeased by the words of his brother.

"Well, then- where were you?"

"If you _must_ know, I spent the day in the gardens. Does that satisfy you?"

"The gardens?"

"Not as interesting as you hoped? I could have told you that."

"Truly- the gardens?"

"No tricks," Loki replied with a grin. "I was studying how gardeners train clematis flowers on trellises."

"What in the nine realms for?"

"It interested me."

Frigga could understand Thor's confusion. He was not a man to understand how flowers could be interesting. But Loki…she could almost believe he was telling the truth. Only a spark of doubt kept her skeptical. She believed he'd actually been studying the gardeners. The details were too…odd…to be an outright lie. Even for him. But something was amiss in his explanation. She just couldn't pinpoint what else he may be concealing. Until she found out, though, she wouldn't alarm Thor or her husband.

_Just don't give me too much reason to regret it, my son._

* * *

Loki was cheered by the confused look on his brother's face. The lumbering oaf had no imagination whatsoever, so he couldn't possibly fathom why flowers would be worthy of anyone's time. He'd never see the correlation to battle tactics or ruling a kingdom. No, not Thor. His skill lie only in his brute strength in a fight.

The expression on his mother's face was far more unnerving. She at least suspected that he wasn't being wholly honest about the day's activities. Suspected, but seemed content not to press the matter at the moment. Loki knew Frigga would ask him about it later, when they were alone. He'd have to be on his guard there.

_Have no fear, Mother. This game will have an ending you won't find too distressing,_ he promised.

"If we're through, I believe I shall retire to my apartments. Wouldn't want to be late to dinner."

"Goodbye, my son."

"Until later, Brother."

With that, he took his leave. The whole way to his suite, Loki reflected on the events of today. He'd gotten more than enough information to play out his game against Danethar, but would have to return to the house tomorrow as 'Ilsa'. He must be sure to remain in his disguise while destroying the warrior's reputation and standing in Asgard. Still, it wouldn't do to have Thor investigating where he disappeared to every day. An illusion-double would be the simplest solution. His dimwitted brother could follow _that_ around all day, leaving the real Loki to spend his time pumping Lilith for more information.

He reached his rooms and slipped inside. Only then did he pull out the book she'd bade him take away. The book responsible for the beating Danethar had given her. Loki was no fool. He knew the tome had meant a great deal to her. From the wear on the ancient binding, he suspected she'd had it for a very long time. Had it and read it, no less.

He generally had no use for Midgardians, but their literature proved interesting from time to time. Loki had read just about everything in the palace library, including its collection from Midgard. He'd read the works of its philosophers, and found many he'd almost admired. Nietzsche and Hobbes, to name two. How interesting that Lilith would choose this book as a treasured possession. Most women picked jewels and other pointless objects.  
So why had she pretended it didn't matter to her? Why had she surrendered it so easily?

Didn't make sense to him. Very little of what Lilith had done today made sense, quite frankly. Quite the puzzle; Loki enjoyed the thought of solving it. He closed the book. She'd told him that he could put it wherever he wished. Loki set it on a shelf with the rest of his personal collection. Standing back, he flashed a smile of satisfaction. Now time to see what mischief he could bring to dinner.


	3. Chapter 2: The Game Begins

I woke stiff and sore all over. At least today that applied only to bones and muscles; Danethar had spent the night elsewhere. One advantage to his penchant for adultery, I suppose. What woman would want to bed him by choice I couldn't imagine. Maybe none of them did, either.

_How many others out there are just like me?_

No use dwelling on that thought. I rose and changed out of my nightgown into a dress of pale green. At the same time, I gazed longingly at the tunic and leggings I'd rather be wearing. I hadn't been able to don them since Odin wed me to Danethar. He had been outraged the one time I'd tried, claiming a true woman would never disgrace herself by wearing a man's clothes. I couldn't remember much after that, given that he'd beaten me unconscious to drive that point home.

With a heavy sigh, I closed the wardrobe and left my room. Happily, I saw no sign of Danethar- or Ilsa- in the house. Maybe I'd sufficiently chased off the young woman yesterday. In any case, I pushed open the door to the garden and breathed in the smell of the summer breeze. Only a sharp stab in my side warned me to be cautious. That rib was still healing.

I'd gotten more done yesterday than I planned, I realized as I examined the beds. The work had gone fast with someone to help me.

_I suppose Ilsa wasn't _all _bad._

Since nothing remained for today, I settled into one of the garden chairs and let my mind wander. Today, I decided to be a pirate, commanding a crew of loyal men and women who were subject to no one but themselves. We fought with sea serpents, scoured for buried treasure and battled with rival pirates. Images of that life flickered vividly on the insides of my eyelids, now closed against the morning sun. I could almost swear that the breeze carried the tang of salt water, and that beneath my feet rolled the deck as the waves carried my ship towards my next adventure.

We were going to an ancient island fortress, hoping to uncover a lost treasure of kings long dead. The crew cared mostly about the gold and jewels, but I was especially interested in a magical map rumored to be hidden in the trove. A map that lead to other worlds. Its secrets could take me to places no one had been able to find in millennia, and all I had to do was find it.

_If I get that map, maybe it'll tell me how to get away from here_, I wished futilely.

We sailed into a tiny cove, a secret place that only I knew of. My pirate father had passed the knowledge of its existence down just before he died and left me to command the ship. He'd searched for the map many times during his life, but had never been able to find it. I hoped to do better this time.

Shouts and boisterous laughter rang in my ears as the crew prepared to dock against one of the jetties. I issued orders as I prepared to disembark with my chosen exploration party. Strange…my first mate's eyes were strikingly similar to Ilsa's. I could have sworn last time I'd visited this daydream, they'd been a deep brown. Perhaps I'd been wrong? That might explain why I thought I'd seen them before when I met her yesterday.

The ship slid to a stop. Ropes and rigging were flung over the railing, and were secured to the rocks with iron spikes. My first mate smiled broadly at me.

"Well, my love, shall we depart? The treasure awaits."

"Let's not delay, then," I replied with a brief kiss.

He tried to pull me close for another go, but I pushed him away playfully.

"Enough of that or we'll never find it."

"I like my odds at finding two treasures today," he whispered seductively in my ear. "But we'll go looking for yours first. I'll hold my own exploration party later."

An excited shiver trilled through my body, despite the warmth of the sun beating down on us. But the moment was bittersweet for me. I would never know how that promise played out, never having the courage to daydream it. No thanks to Danethar, I was woefully ill-prepared to invent a love scene. I feared if I tried, the memories of my true life would seep through and spoil it. So I never took the risk.

Oh well, the island treasure and my precious map would be good enough. I scaled over the side of the ship and dropped to the obsidian colored rocks of the jetty. This island had been a live volcano eons ago. Every surface shone with the brilliance of that incredible forge, now silenced into peaceful slumber. I hoped it would sleep a little while longer.

"What in the nine realms is _that_," a female voice ripped through my daydream.

My eyes snapped open, heart slamming painfully in my chest. I swiveled my eyes to the door and saw Ilsa frozen mid-step in the archway. She was staring at the exterior wall of the garden, eyes wide. Almost afraid of what I'd see, my gaze dragged over to the high wall of stone. Nothing. Absolutely nothing there at all. I rounded on Ilsa again.

"What's what," I demanded irritably. "I don't see anything."

* * *

Loki couldn't take his eyes away from the garden wall. He'd never seen anything like it before- wasn't sure _what_ he'd seen. The stones had become transparent, shimmering in their transformation. And beyond them, he'd not seen the garden on the opposite side. Oh no, he'd seen a large sailing vessel, moored in an island cove. And aboard the ship, a pirate crew preparing to disembark for the shore. Not just seen them- Loki had _heard_ them. Smelled the sea. As if he'd been standing upon the ship's deck himself.

But all of it was gone. Vanished the moment Lilith opened her eyes. The garden wall was once again solid stone. Meanwhile, the lady was giving him quite the disgruntled look. Obviously, she hadn't seen any of it, and probably thought he was crazy.

"It was nothing," he lied. "Forgive me for intruding."

Lilith studied him carefully for several minutes.

"Bullshit."

"I beg your pardon?"

"I said bullshit. You saw something, and whatever it was, it must have been important if you were shouting about it. Now what did you see?"

_She'll think I'm crazy. Gods, _I _think I'm crazy._

"I'm waiting," Lilith reminded him.

"You won't believe me," Loki pouted.

"Well, we won't know either way if you don't spit it out."

"I saw…a ship," he admitted at last. "And an island of black rock."

All color drained from Lilith's face and she was so still she might have been made of marble. When she spoke, her voice was rough and uneven.

"A ship, you say. Where?"

Loki pointed to the stones opposite them.

"There. The wall just…melted away and suddenly the ship and island appeared."

"Anything else?"

"I heard voices and the ocean. And the garden smelled of sea air."

Lilith's eyes were enormous pools of blue. She was clutching the arms of the chair so hard he wondered that the wood didn't splinter under the pressure.

"It's not possible," she whispered. "Not possible."

"What's not possible, Lilith?"

"It was just a…a daydream. You can't possibly have _seen_ it. On the wall or anywhere. I made it up."

He ventured further into the garden, hardly believing what he'd just heard.

"Say again?"

"I made it up. I…uh…do that sometimes when there's nothing better to do."

She seemed quite embarrassed to have been caught daydreaming, as she called it. Loki suspected there was more to it than that. But if he was going to get her to talk about it, she needed to be more at ease. He adopted a conspiratorial look and winked at Lilith.

"No harm in that. We all fantasize once in a while when things get boring."

Lilith fidgeted in her chair, still looking uncomfortable.

"I guess so."

"Did you know you could project the images like that?"

"No, I didn't." After a pause, she must have thought of something else. "Gods, if Danethar ever caught me…" Lilith murmured, horrified. "I'd be dead. So dead."

"He's a mean one, that one, but I doubt he'd _kill _you."

The grim expression on her face suggested otherwise. Would the warrior truly go that far? Loki wasn't sure what to believe on that score. Thoughts for later. Right now, he was far more interested in that mysterious apparition. Creating something that sophisticated must take incredible power and concentration. And yet this woman seemed not to realize she was even doing it. He had to understand how it worked.

"Could you do it again?"

"What?"

"The daydreaming thing with the ship. I only got a peek at it before the spell or whatever broke. Could you conjure it up again?"

"I don't think it's a good idea…" Lilith hedged. "I don't know when he'll return."

"The warriors are training this morning with Thor," he assured her. At least today his brother was doing something useful with all that nonsense. "They will be at it for hours yet."

"You're sure?"

"Saw them myself on the way here."

"All right. I'll try. But I don't know how well it'll work with someone else here. I'm usually…alone."

"Can't hurt to see, anyway."

"Here goes…"

Lilith closed her eyes and settled back in her chair. Loki did nothing but watch her for several minutes, alternating with quick glances at the stone wall. He tried not to be disappointed when nothing happened. But as the minutes ticked by in absolute silence, she visibly relaxed. Gradually, the stones began to shimmer. When they cleared, Loki saw the ship once more. By now, half the pirates had departed on an excursion to the island. He wondered if it were possible to get closer. Very cautiously, he leaned close to Lilith's ear.

"Can you dream yourself nearer to the pirates?" he queried in a low, calm voice.

She didn't reply, but the image on the wall shifted. In seconds, they were almost in the midst of the characters in her daydream. Loki approached the wall, staring eye level at the captain and her first mate. Curious. The resemblance between them and Lilith…not to mention himself…was uncanny. Why was she daydreaming about her maid, and as a man, no less? Very interesting.

_I wonder what happens if I touch the illusion_, he mused. _Might as well find out._

The pirates had turned away, walking on ahead. Loki stretched out a hand to touch the stone…and nearly fell flat on his face as his fingers passed _through the wall_. Immediately, he jerked his arm back, checking to be sure nothing was missing. All appeared fine.

His heart was pounding. From fear. From excitement. Who knew. This time, he didn't stop when his hand dipped into the realm on the other side of the wall. Didn't stop when his arm, head, foot…whole body…stood on the other side. And once he'd crossed over, Loki looked back the way he'd come. He could still see a faint shimmery image of the garden beyond. And Lilith.

Then he turned around to the world around him. Alive. Full of sounds, smells and sensations every bit as real as the world he'd just left behind. Incredible.

_I have no idea where I am, but that portal has let me escape Asgard. Oh this…the possibilities with a talent like hers…just imagine the things I can do just as soon as I figure out how she does it._

An uncomfortable thought struck him suddenly. He wasn't sure what would happen if Lilith stopped the daydream and he remained on this side of the portal. So Loki reluctantly stepped back through. Good thing, too. Not a few seconds later, the doorway closed and the wall became solid stone again.

"Ilsa, I think I've had enough for one day. I had to let the daydream go."

She sounded tired. Not surprising, given how much energy she likely needed to do any of what just happened. He turned to Lilith, studying her with new eyes. Whatever she may be, Loki intended to use her to his advantage in any way he could. All the more reason to put in motion his plan to get Danethar out of the way. But for now, he played up to his disguise as her maid, smiling reassuringly at the lady.

"Of course. Thank you for indulging my curiosity, Lilith."

* * *

Something about the way Ilsa looked at me made me uneasy. I didn't know what it was, but the feeling was decidedly unpleasant. So much so that I almost didn't want to ask her what she'd seen while I was daydreaming. But if something _was_ happening, I really wanted to know about it.

"Did you see anything this time?"

"Oh yes, I most certainly did. It's amazing, Lilith, really."

Amazing, huh? Not a word generally picked to describe me. I found myself wary of it.

"Well?"

"It's not just an illusion," the maid told me as she pulled up the second chair. "It's a doorway."

Suddenly, I sat up much straighter in my chair.

"Run that by me again."

"What I saw, turns out it's a doorway to another place."

"But none of it is real. It's a silly adventure story I dreamt after reading a novel about Midgardian pirates."

"I'm telling you it is real. I crossed over myself. Stood right behind the captain's crew."

Nonplussed, I could do little more than stare at my lap. How could that place be real? How could I have created a doorway into it just by daydreaming? Reality sunk in; I couldn't, of course. Surely this all had to be a trick- something Danethar would do, although I must admit it was far more clever than usual. The maid had to be a mage who could see thoughts, and that's how she knew what I'd been dreaming.

Damn him. Damn both of them. Danethar knew I was lonely and depressed. I'd bet the Allfather had no idea a maid was working for me, much less actually _sent_ her here. It had to be my husband, and sure enough, I'd swallowed the bait. Despite all my theatrics and protestations yesterday, Ilsa had gotten to me. If that was her name, even. Probably was mocking me behind my back for giving everyone something to laugh about so quickly. Doors to other realms- ridiculous.

I pushed myself to my feet in agitation and disgust. Ilsa frowned, pretending she didn't understand my reaction. Scheming wench. Well, she and Danethar deserved one another. He could beat me every day until the time of Ragnarok, but I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of playing in this charade.

"Lilith, what's wrong?"

"Your act, that's what."

A flash of alarm in Ilsa's eyes confirmed what I already knew. Still, the bitch held onto her story.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"I should have guessed from the beginning. You come here all 'Lady' this and 'Lady' that. And those questions about Danethar yesterday- was that his idea? Excuses for the next beating- or just a new way to torture me?"

Comprehension slowly dawned on the maid's face, and she shook her head at me.

"Oh no, Lilith, you've got it all wrong. I swear, your husband didn't hire me to trick you."

"What did he promise you," I continued, incensed. "Gold? A fine position in the palace? Or maybe you're one of his fly by night lovers. Whatever he's promised you, be sure you'll never get it, and I wish you all the misery of trying."

I stormed back into the house, ignoring the woman's protests. My footsteps didn't slow until I reached my bedroom. The door slammed behind me, loud enough I was sure the neighbors likely heard it. Probably lucky it didn't fall of the hinges. But with that was spent the last of my anger. Just the lingering hurt remained. I'd been made a fool- yet again.


	4. Chapter 3: Collateral Damage

_What just happened?_

Loki was confused. Again. In the space of two days, Lilith had confused him more than he had been in decades. Much like her skill with the portal- not a feat many could pull off successfully. He resented the ease at which she was able to throw him off-stride.

When she'd first accused him of playacting, the woman had actually managed to make him nervous. He'd thought for sure she meant she'd discovered his true identity. She couldn't possibly, but it had startled him none-the-less. Of course, when Lilith began denouncing him as an accomplice to some scheme Danethar planned, Loki had nearly laughed aloud. As if that ignoramus could string more than two thoughts together, much less an elaborate hoax like she'd suggested.

At least Lilith's unexpected outburst had proven useful. She'd given him yet another secret about her erstwhile husband. Loki filed away the knowledge that Danethar was not only an abuser, but a philanderer as well. The Allfather would not be pleased to hear that the warrior was taking more than his due. And just who were the women in these clandestine liaisons? Something to find out in the coming days.

But for right now, what should he do about Lilith? Loki had no idea what he'd said to make her react that way. After all, he'd only been telling the truth. Something he rarely did, and if today was any indication…not something he should attempt often.

_If this didn't put such a wrinkle in my plans, I would be amused by the irony._

It had, however, and now he had to set it right before Danethar returned. As soon as Lilith put her suspicions to the warrior, Loki would be forced to abandon this game. So he needed to think of a way to make her trust him again.

Not that he could do that from out here. He stood and went in search of where she'd gone. The public rooms were all empty as Loki stalked the corridor. Doubtful Lilith would have gone upstairs or into Danethar's room. Especially not the latter, given what he'd seen on the tour yesterday. He was tempted to walk in, just to find out what she hadn't wanted him to see in there. Not to be distracted, Loki set that temptation aside. After pausing outside Lilith's room, he listened closely for any sign she may be within. Loki heard nothing, but he'd wager all the jewels mined by the dwarves that she was in there. With a reluctant sigh, he knocked on the door.

"Lilith?"

"Go away," came a muffled voice from within.

"I'm not going anywhere until you talk to me."

"I've nothing more to say to you."

"I don't understand why you think I'm trying to trick you- or any of what you said in the garden." When she didn't reply, he tried again. "Before yesterday, I'd only seen your husband during feasts in the palace. We've never even spoken to one another."

Nothing. Loki waited several minutes, but it seemed the woman was serious about not answering him. Irritation getting the better of his common sense and good judgment, he opened the door and walked into the room. Lilith stood at the window, facing outward to the city below. She didn't turn or make any movement to acknowledge he was there.

* * *

I couldn't believe the audacity of the woman- entering my room without permission. No maid would ever do such a thing, no matter how new to her profession. Yet further proof to me that she was no maid at all, and never had been.

Footsteps drew closer, stopping not far behind me. I refused to face her. It'd only give this spy the satisfaction of winning in our battle of wills. And while I usually lost to Danethar, his devious agent wouldn't be so lucky. I continued to stare over Asgard, silent in my determination.

"I only wanted to understand your unusual talents. I've never heard of an Asgardian who can manipulate realms the way you can."

_Because no one can_, I replied to myself. But aloud, I said nothing and hoped Ilsa would give up mocking me.

"Just like my questions yesterday," the woman continued. "I only asked because I'd never seen a woman beaten before. There's no reason to think I'm a spy."

A weaker person might have believed those words, swayed by that oh-so-perfect mix of sadness and confusion in Ilsa's voice. I was not so easily moved. Years of playing the foil to the jests of others had taught me to resist such an obvious ploy. But Ilsa was likewise was not ready to give up.

"I don't understand you, Lilith. With a power like that, why would you allow the Allfather to wed you to Danethar? Hel, why let him wed you to anyone? Even if he tried, you could have escaped through one of your portals until he reconsidered. Or just…never come back at all."

My temper exploded beyond anything I could ever hope to control. I spun around and shoved Ilsa backwards, much to our mutual surprise, I think.

"Oh stop it! Your game is up, so you can stop pretending any of that prattle about a portal or other realms is real. I don't have any talents like that or anything else. _Everyone_ in Asgard knows that. Don't you get it? That's why the Allfather gave me away to Danethar _in the first place_!"

Ilsa must have been expecting me to say something else, because she stopped short on whatever counter-argument she'd intended to make. Instead, the woman studied me thoughtfully for several minutes. Each passed more slowly than the one before it. And then finally, she spoke.

"You seriously believe that."

Her tone suggested it was not a question, but a statement of fact. And yet, the woman sounded baffled all the same. For a moment, I couldn't tell if it was part of her ruse, or if the puzzlement was genuine. Ilsa was quite the actress, I'll admit.

"You can't possibly believe that," she repeated.

"It's no lie."

* * *

It was- and yet wasn't- a lie. Lilith's belief in what she'd just told him was certainly no deception. Only none of it was true. Loki wanted to know why and how she'd come to believe such a glaring lie, suspecting it was no accident. No- someone wanted to keep this power hidden. He was certain of it.

_So now I have another puzzle to sort out._

His boredom of yesterday was becoming a distant memory. What good fortune he had pursued this scheme. Loki doubted many others he could have chosen would have been quite as intriguing. He crossed his arms as he glared back at Lilith.

"Neither was what I told you I saw in the garden."

"Why are you doing this," she cried in frustration. "What more do you want from me?"

"I want you to believe me."

"That, Ilsa, is never going to happen. So you can save yourself the trouble and get out now. Go back where you came from."

Loki was momentarily thwarted. The woman was truly an unmovable wall of stubbornness. No matter how convincingly he told her what he'd seen, she'd never believe that he was telling her the truth. It was looking like his only option might be to use his own…talents…to bend her will to his. Definitely a risky move. No doubt Odin was having him watched closely for any signs Loki was messing with the minds of his precious Asgardians.

_If only I could _show_ her an image of the portal- so she could see it herself._

An idea struck him, and Loki cursed himself for not having thought of it sooner. He raised an eyebrow quizzically at Lilith, who regarded him suspiciously.

"What?"

"Can you daydream with your eyes open?"

"Why?"

"We'll get to that- can you?"

"I suppose I could, but I'm not doing it just so you can humiliate me all over again. Once was enough."

"I don't intend to do anything of the kind."

At least not right now. In the future, though, she would have to pay for her displays of temper and defiance. Loki couldn't let the insult go. Not even if she couldn't know who she'd insulted. Either Lilith heard the lie in his words, or she merely suspected it.

"So you say now. But I know how the game goes; I've played before. Don't get me wrong," she assured him with a cynical smile. "You're one of the best adversaries yet. Too bad for you that your timing puts you at such a disadvantage. I've long lost my taste for this game, and have no interest in playing with you."

His temper boiled to a flashpoint.

_You think you get to decide when this game is over_, he seethed silently. _I _am _the best when it comes to games, and you don't even have the slightest idea of the rules for the one we're playing now. _I'll_ decide when we're done._

Loki was so angry that he almost dropped the disguise so he could reveal to Lilith who she was really fencing with. The barest of self-control held him back. Soon enough he'd be done with Danethar and then she'd discover how foolish it was to challenge the God of Mischief. He almost looked forward to that more than anything he'd do to her husband.

* * *

For a half-second, a chilling expression lurked in Ilsa's blue eyes. It was so brief, I almost convinced myself I hadn't seen it. But I knew better. My speech had definitely provoked the woman, and in that moment, I saw her as more than Danethar's spy. This woman was dangerous. She wasn't just his puppet, and had her own reasons for being here. Since I didn't know what those reasons might be, playing her game seemed to be my only option of discovering them.

The look vanished as quickly as it had come, and Ilsa looked sad and confused once more.

"I'm not your enemy, Lilith. I wish I could make you see that."

Oh she was _good_. I wasn't convinced by her performance, but didn't let on. Instead, I let the seeds of doubt and indecision cloud my face. Couldn't appear to change my mind _too_ quickly, or Ilsa would suspect my true intentions. Now it was my turn to bait her into my trap.

"And what reason do I have to think that you're not?"

"What reason do I have to lie?" Ilsa countered.

"No one does anything for nothing. So what do you get out of serving as a maid here instead of working in the palace? As far as I can see- nothing. Unless you have some ulterior motive."

"I'm too inexperienced to work in the palace," Ilsa admitted dolefully, eyes downcast. "I didn't want to tell you that yesterday because you were so quick to want to be rid of me."

"Just as I thought- you were lying. The Allfather didn't even send you, I expect."

Ilsa shook her head.

"No, I…sent myself. I was hoping if I worked for one of the warriors' ladies for a while, maybe it would help get me a position in a few years."

Great, now I had a new lie to remember. I was certain the woman still wasn't telling me the complete truth. But at least we'd done away with the nonsense about Odin.

"Why did you pick me?"

"It's one of the closest houses to the palace grounds, so it was the first one I tried."

Plausible story. I pretended that I was considering believing it. Very slowly, I nodded.

"I see. And what if I'd simply thrown you out yesterday? Or actually _gone_ to the Allfather to question him about your story? What would you have done then?"

"I…I don't know," Ilsa faltered, a tremble in her voice. She'd even managed to conjure a tear or two. "I wasn't thinking that far ahead. I assumed it would be easy."

_Yeah, I bet you did,_ I muttered darkly.

"Let's say it was, then. Say I accepted you no question and let you work here. Who was going to pay your wages? You didn't expect Danethar to _pay_ for a gift from the Allfather- did you?"

Ilsa said nothing, eyes still on the ground at her feet. I sighed, as if relenting that line of interrogation to spare her feelings.

"Look, if you go now and try your luck with one of the other warriors, you might find one willing to give you a position. But I wouldn't try that 'sent by the Allfather' routine again if I were you."

Now the woman did look up, seemingly horrified that she was being sent away after all.

"But I want to stay _here_."

"Not even _I _want to be here, Ilsa. Let me assure you that you don't, either. This house is no place for someone like you."

"Like me?"

_You really are going to play the innocent bit to the hilt, aren't you? Well, let's see if you can fake a blush as well as you did those tears._

"Young, naïve and…" I eyed Ilsa speculatively. "Pleasantly endowed. All things that will attract Danethar's attention. And don't think I can save you if you stay and he decides to act upon it. Interfering would give you ten minutes' respite at most, and me a few hours' loss of consciousness."

"You can't mean he would…"

"Why do you think I insisted upon no servants? Not just because I'm ill-suited to dealing with them, but also because I could not be responsible for giving him a target to prey on."

"I see."

"So if you truly are who you appear to be- run. Far from here and don't look back."

Ilsa was silent for a long while. So long that I thought maybe I'd convinced her that whatever game she was playing wasn't worth the risks. Unlikely, but it was worth a try.

"You could run away, too," the woman said finally- quietly. "Back to the Allfather or maybe even leave Asgard altogether. Why do you stay?"

"I am no coward," I answered stiffly. "I do not want this fate, but I will not slink away from it. And who knows, maybe one day I'll get lucky and the Dark Elves will cut him down in battle."

* * *

Brave words. Or stupid ones. Loki couldn't decide.

_Rest assured, Lady, your husband's demise is not far off. By the time I'm through playing with him, he'll _wish_ that he'd been slain by a Dark Elf. And when I'm done, I'll be back for you. We'll see how brave you are then._

"If you're not afraid, then I'm not, either," he boasted. Lilith merely shrugged.

"I warned you. Just remember that."

"I will, Lilith. I definitely will."

She sighed, exasperated.

"You won't give up, will you?"

"No."

"And I suppose lack of pay won't deter you, either?"

"No, it won't."

"Well, then I suppose there's no use fighting a losing battle longer than I have to. Come on, I'm sure Berda has lunch ready."

They exited the bedroom, and headed towards the small dining room at the opposite end of the hall. Loki couldn't help feeling smug that he'd managed to wear her down so quickly. But at the same time, he suspected that the surrender wasn't completely genuine. Lilith may have given in, but now both of them were playing a game against the other. She would lose in the end, but that didn't mean he had no need to be cautious.

Just as they'd reached the dining room, Loki heard the sound of heavy boots ascending the back stairs. Danethar was home.

_Earlier than I expected_, he thought resentfully. _What could have driven him to return so soon?_

Beside him, Lilith froze. Her eyes were riveted on the archway leading down to the kitchens, unaware of him or anything else. Then Danethar himself appeared. The warrior barely glanced at his wife before turning his gaze to Loki. Lilith was not exaggerating about the man's appetites, judging by the hot lust in Danethar's eyes. He smiled wolfishly at them and rested a meaty hand on the door frame.

"Well, wife, I see you haven't driven your delightful new maid from the house yet."

_Delightful? Yesterday you called me useless._

Lilith's expression was stony, her blue eyes as hard as polished gemstones. No doubt she'd seen Danethar's look, too.

"We were just about to take the midday meal. Shall I call Berda to bring you something?"

"Oh that's not necessary," he said, taking a step towards them. "I wasn't in the mood for food just now."

"Well, then we will see you later, I expect," Lilith answered lightly. "Come, Ilsa."

Danethar blocked their entry to the dining room. Her move had been a daring one, but could never have succeeded. Loki wondered why she had even bothered; all she'd done was annoy him. But the mongrel brushed it off with another leering grin. He circled around Lilith to stand close to Loki.

"What say you and me take a meal together, beautiful- in my room down the hall. I'll bet my wife has neglected to give you a proper tour of it, but no matter. I'll see that you are familiar with it in no time."

The man had no shame. Propositioning another woman- a servant no less- in front of his wife. It was a wonder that no one had heard about his misdeeds before now. Loki decided to test how he'd react to rejection. Would he strike a maid who refused him? Time to find out.

"I don't believe I'm inclined to bedroom work, my Lord, so there's little point in my seeing it at present. I thank you for the offer, though."

Danethar's face flushed in anger. When his hand snaked out towards them, Loki thought for sure that a blow was soon to follow. And while he didn't relish the thought of being struck, it would be a means to an end. A terrible, agonizing end for this pathetic warrior. Loki would be absolutely certain about that.

The punch never came. Beside him, Lilith flinched as Danethar's fingers closed around her upper arm. She was half-yanked off her feet as he strode down the hallway. Loki could only stand in shock as he watched her try to wrench her body away from the towering warrior; he was easily twice her build.

"My Lord, I apologize for the temerity of my maid's reply. She's young and inexperienced in serving. Please, let me work on her manners and I promise she'll not be impudent again."

"Oh you'll do more than apologize, Lilith. Since your maid isn't _inclined_ to work in the bedroom, you'll do it for her."

"No- wait. Please my Lord," she protested frantically.

"You should have thought to train her better before I arrived, bitch. It's too late for all that now."

Danethar swung Lilith by the arm, and she slammed hard against the bedroom door.

"Please…" she whispered.

He ignored her plea and pushed Lilith inside. Before entering the room himself, Danethar took one last look in Loki's direction.

"You stay right there, wench, and don't you dare move. You'll stay and listen to what trouble a smart mouth like yours can cause."

The door slammed behind him. From where Loki stood, he could hear the sound of fabric tearing. Crying. And then the screaming started. Screaming that never seemed to end. Loki could do no more than stand listening to it. Not because Danethar told him to. He didn't give a damn what orders the warrior gave him. No, he just…couldn't walk away.

"He'll be a while with her," a rough female voice croaked behind him. Loki jumped in reflex before he realized it was the cook.

"How long?" he managed to ask.

"In a temper like that…" she was interrupted by a particularly piercing scream. "…an hour or more. Come, you don't need to stay here. It'll only make it worse for you and won't help her none. Besides, the Master will have forgotten all about you once it's over."

With difficulty, Loki managed to force his legs to move. Lilith's tortured screams followed him the whole way down the stairs and into the kitchen. Berda handed him a wrapped package.

"Here, now. Go with this and take the rest of the day off. The Lady won't be fit for anything, anyway, so there's no use being here if you don't have to be."

"But who'll take care of her needs after…" Loki trailed off wordlessly.

"The Lady will take care of herself. She always does."

"It's my fault."

The words came unbidden, and took Loki completely by surprise. He hadn't expected to feel…remorse…for what he'd just allowed to happen. What he'd _caused_ to happen, if he were honest with himself. Since yesterday, he'd known that Danethar forced himself on Lilith. It hadn't bothered him as much then. But somehow, the reality of watching it happen was far more disturbing. It felt very wrong.

Having those thoughts made him uncomfortable, poking at him in ways he didn't like and didn't fully understand. Maybe getting away from here for the rest of the day was a good idea. He could clear his mind and once again focus on what he'd come here to do. Lilith wasn't his responsibility, so he shouldn't feel any need to worry about what collateral damage came her way as part of his game with her husband. And he definitely shouldn't want to forfeit the game by bursting into the bedroom to make a short, bloody end to Danethar.

_It's my fault._

* * *

Heimdall knew what he would see before he even turned his ever watchful eye to the disturbance coming from the warrior's quarter of Asgard. Danethar again. And having learned from past experience, he dared not focus any closer. He could not bear to witness the detailed account. Not when he'd been commanded not to do anything about it. And by the Lady herself, no less. Heimdall recalled Lilith's first visit to the Bifrost only days after she'd been wed to the warrior.

_"You understand what I'm asking of you, Heimdall?"_

_ "Yes, Lady, but…"_

_ "Absolutely no one- not even the Allfather himself," she'd repeated quietly._

_ "You can't mean to stay with him, Lady. The Allfather would gladly grant you a divorce if you explained the circumstances."_

_ "I will stay."_

_ "But why?"_

_ "You need not worry yourself over that. All I need from you is your agreement that no matter what you see, you will alert no one to it."_

It had pained him to do so, but Heimdall gave his word. And over the past few months, he'd seen plenty that tested the binding power of his sworn oath. So much suffering and pain. He almost wished for a reason to send the warriors to the Dark Elves, where perhaps one might dispatch Danethar and do for Lilith what he could not. Without some kind of rescue, Heimdall feared that it wouldn't be long before the warrior's abuse killed her. What would the Allfather say to him if that happened? How would he live with knowing his silence let it happen?

With a distressed sigh, he tried to bury those worries and get back to work.


	5. Chapter 4: Master and Puppet

Whispers rippled through the servants of Asgard that afternoon. No names were mentioned, or anything truly specific, but a rumor slowly spread that a woman needed to be cautious around the warriors.

"_All that training and fighting- they'll use it against you."_

_ "I heard they expect more than just cleaning house and serving meals."_

_ "I heard the same. Heard some don't take 'no' for an answer, either."_

_ "Good thing I work in the palace."_

_ "That doesn't mean anything when they're here on feast days. Still gotta be careful."_

By evening, the whole palace was ablaze with gossip and speculation. No one could pinpoint where it had come from. Everyone heard it from someone who'd heard it from someone else. In between, the stories had multiplied and split the servants into two camps. Most were more than willing to believe the rumors; others were skeptical. A rare few refused to believe any of it. But everyone was talking about them.

Just before the evening meal, word of the uproar reached the ears of the royal family.

* * *

"It's Loki's doing, Mother, and you know it," Thor shouted angrily while pointing a finger at his brother.

Frigga noticed that Loki didn't seem worried in the least by the accusation. He merely sat back in his chair and grinned at them in amusement.

"And how's that possible, Brother? You know quite well where I've been all day- in the library studying Asgardian history. Alone, you may recall. So as much as I'd like to take credit for this scheme, it's not one of mine. You'll have to point that finger elsewhere."

"Mother!"

"Thor, my son, your brother is right. How can he start a rumor if he was shut up in the library? Heimdall said he had no visitors."

That wasn't _all_ the man had said, but Frigga wasn't sure what to make of the other piece. A strange fluctuation of power in the city, centered somewhere near the houses set aside for Asgard's warriors. Heimdall said it disappeared before he could discover the exact location. More unsettling had been Heimdall's warning that the fluctuation behaved similar to the Bifrost- as a gateway between realms.

_All the better that we know Loki was nowhere near it_, she thought with no small amount of relief. _If it truly _was_ a doorway to another realm, he would no doubt use it to escape again._

"That doesn't mean he's not behind it just the same."

"Why are you in such a snit about a silly rumor?"

"They're slandering the reputation of good men," Thor argued heatedly. "I don't find that 'silly'."

"It's the word of _servants_. Who cares what they think?"

His tone bespoke arrogance and distain for the lower classes. Frigga couldn't understand where Loki came by either of those opinions. As a child, he'd been taught to respect people from all manner of class and station. Somewhere, those lessons had been forgotten. Or maybe he reviled what he thought he saw in himself. She couldn't deny that he was treated like a second-class prince by most Asgardians- even by his own father. Either way, his attitude saddened her.

"Just wait. Tomorrow this will reach the Ladies and Lords of Asgard- if it hasn't already. You can't tell me that their opinions don't matter, Brother."

_Oh, Thor, why did you say it?_ Frigga knew what would happen next, and couldn't hope to stop it.

Loki shrugged elegantly, and an odd smile played over his lips.

"Of course they don't."

"Why you…"

Thor advanced menacingly, looking as though he wanted to throttle his brother. Loki only made the situation worse, already gearing up with another reply.

"After all, they're servants as much as the others, even if they pretend not to be. Why should I see them as being any different?"

"I don't know why I bother talking to you."

"That makes two of us."

She sighed wearily, drawing both their attention.

"What is it, Mother?"

"Is it too much to ask for you both be civil to one another?"

"I would say I'm being extremely civil, Mother," Loki protested. "My brother seems to be the one interested in picking a fight."

"Only because you provoke me!"

A moment passed as he stared at Thor thoughtfully. Frigga dreaded what he would say next. As it turned out, she had good reason to.

"Perhaps the rumors have more truth than we thought. If that's the only way you can see to deal with someone- provoking or not."

Terrible silence fell over the room, and she worried that Loki had truly pushed too far this time.

"Take it back," Thor demanded through clenched teeth. "Take it back or so help me I'll…"

Loki raised an eyebrow in silent query. "You'll what?"

"I would never- ever- lay a hand of a defenseless woman. In anger or for any other reason. You take back what you just said or I will see you thrown back in your dungeon. Today, if I can."

Frigga held her breath and prayed that her younger son would yield. She could not bear to see him confined again. Odin would never let him out and she would lose Loki for good.

* * *

Loki regarded Thor through half-lowered eyelashes, gauging his brother's reaction to his taunting. The oaf was so easily manipulated that it was hardly amusing anymore. Especially now that he'd found an opponent who was so much more suited to him. It was all so idiotic. Why did his brother let himself be baited this way? Thor was many things- most of which did not impress Loki in the slightest- but he treated women with respect. Rumors of abuse among warriors would never be tied to his name. Nor was it Loki's aim to try.

_Relax, Brother. This game's not between us._

He flicked his gaze discreetly to his mother. She said nothing, but he recognized the look in her eye. As if she were certain he was about to break her heart. Oh how he _hated_ that look. She was the only one who could make him regret his schemes and mischief. At least until recently, it seemed. Lilith was certainly doing her best to become an accomplice to Frigga's goal to spoil his entertainment.

"No need for threats. I concede your reputation is legend; who am I to gainsay it?"

Thor frowned, as if unsure he'd gotten an apology or another insult. Loki was glad to say it was a little of both. If he had to apologize at least he'd make them regret asking for it. His brother must have decided not to hear the implied insult, even though he was still glowering at him.

"Just so long as we're clear on that, Brother."

"As crystal, _Brother_."

After a brief pause, his mother spoke.

"I believe the Hall is already filling with guests for tonight's feast. We should take our places."

"And who are we honoring tonight?" Loki inquired as he rose from his chair.

"As if you didn't already know."

Yes, he most certainly did. Which was why he'd began the rumors today. Why waste the chance to see his opponent squirm in person? But he hid the smile he knew would give away those thoughts. Instead, Loki shrugged unconcernedly.

"I hadn't bothered to discover it, actually."

"The warriors," Thor reminded him in irritation. "The warriors are here tonight."

"Oh…oh dear. I can see how that might become a tad…awkward."

"You think?"

How badly he wanted to nettle his brother with a witty retort. Now was not the time, though. And one lost opportunity wasn't much lamented, as another was sure to present itself. Loki would have to be patient.

"I've already spoken to the staff," Frigga assured them both. "They know of my expectations, so I am confident none of them will breathe a word about this horrible business tonight."

"You see, Brother- nothing to fear. Now let's go, for I believe I'm truly famished."

With that, Loki breezed past them into the Hall. He didn't stop or turn back, no matter how loudly Thor called. The show would be in the dining hall, and he didn't intend to miss it. He was annoyed as it was to have been delayed this much. And sure enough, the room was over half full by the time he arrived. The Allfather perched in his customary seat, the picture of a benevolent ruler surveying his kingdom. Lords and Ladies fortunate enough to be invited to the feast were gathering in clusters to exchange banal pleasantries until the signal for dinner. Loki scanned those for signs of Danethar.

_Where is that lecherous brute,_ he snarled. _If all this was for nothing, I shall truly make him regret the inconvenience._

That's when he spotted the warrior, flashing an arrogant smile at a group of Ladies. Several of them held onto the arms of their male escorts, but others were not yet pledged to any man. No doubt Danethar was hunting among them for his next mistress. Noticeably absent was his own wife. A fact not lost on Loki, but seemingly unimportant to the rest of the group.

He nearly made it to them when the call for the meal sounded in the Hall. With a shrug of indifference, he gave up his pursuit. He'd just have to play out this part of the game with a more captive audience. A better way to do it, anyway. Loki slid into a seat at the table, especially pleased to see Danethar choose one not far away. Until Thor chose the seat opposite him. Always interfering.

Loki kept his ears open and mouth shut at first, waiting for the perfect moment. He waited until after the Allfather made his speeches and the food was served. Careful observation told him that despite his mother's warnings, word had gotten out about the rumors. Everyone looked slightly uncomfortable- except one warrior in particular. Either Danethar hadn't yet heard them, or he was just that confident that no one would suspect him. The poor bastard was almost too easy.

They were halfway through the first course when Loki made his move. The wife of Lord Timar was to his right, and he turned to her just as she reached for a dish of vegetables.

"My Lady, allow me," Loki offered, openly solicitous.

"T-thank you, Prince," she replied nervously.

Hardly a reaction to surprise him. Most Asgardians were nervous around him. And more often than not, they ought to be. However, tonight he needed some help from this one to start the game with Danethar. So he adopted as mild a look as he could manage in hopes of soothing her anxiety.

"No trouble at all, my Lady. How are you enjoying the feast?"

Conversation around them faltered. No one could believe that he, the God of Mischief, was making small talk. Especially with the wife of a common warrior. Neither could he. But the indignity would have to be borne if he wanted Danethar caught in his snare.

"I'm having a fine time. Thank you, Prince."

"It's been some time since I've seen the Ladies invited to our Hall. Can't really recall when that was."

"I don't believe I've been to the palace since the feast after the victory against the Dark Elves," she answered him, much braver than before.

"Of course. That was an eventful evening. I should have remembered it."

Curious, others joined their conversation. More pawns to maneuver in his game. Excellent.

"Wasn't that when the Allfather gifted you with your wife, Lord Danethar?" someone else asked.

_I couldn't have planned that better_. He waited to see what the warrior would say.

"Has it only been a few months? It feels as though she's been with me much longer."

Titters of laughter rippled through the guests. Loki laughed with them. At the same time, he considered how Lilith would react to the jest. No doubt Lilith wouldn't find anything amusing. Two months with Danethar was an eternity in Niffelheim to someone in her position.

"But she doesn't appear to be with you tonight," Thor observed casually. He was almost more pleased that his brother was helping him- albeit unknowingly- with his scheme. "Where is Lady Lilith this evening, Danethar?"

"She's unwell."

_Unwell, is that what you call it? After what I heard this afternoon, she's likely a fair sight worse than just 'unwell'._

No one else heard the lie; they never did. Now was not the time to open their eyes to it. So Loki said nothing, allowing only a bored look. He left his brother to do the talking.

"Sorry to hear that. We hope to see our cousin again the next time you're at the palace."

"Yeah, I'll bring her."

Danethar didn't look- or sound- too happy to be reminded of his wife's family ties. By the tone of his reply, Loki couldn't decide if he were irritated or unnerved. Either way, the warrior was not comfortable. A good start for the evening. Soon enough, he would have fond memories of being uncomfortable. And by the end…Loki smiled.

* * *

I woke alone, the room dark and silent. How long ago Danethar left, I couldn't say. Didn't matter- he was gone. Slowly, I tried to move. No good. My body wouldn't obey the orders from my brain. Given what Danethar had done to it, hardly surprising. Biting my lip, I tried again. This time, I managed to roll over onto my side. New pains awoke; I ignored them and gripped the edge of the bed. My arm trembled with the effort to pull myself to the edge. But I made it- eventually.

_Don't turn on the lamp_, I reminded myself. No need to make _that_ mistake again.

All in all, it took me twenty minutes to make it back to my room. Every few steps I needed to give time for my sore muscles to catch up with me. And sore they most certainly were. None more so than the raw ache between my legs. Most days, Danethar was more interested in taking his own pleasure than hurting me. But today, Danethar had been both inventive and determined in finding new ways to deliver pain. Once I'd made it across the hall, I did my best to forget every one of them.

Thankfully, Ilsa was nowhere to be found in my chambers. I'd almost feared that she might be waiting for me, and that I certainly couldn't allow. No one could see me this way, and definitely not her. I hoped Berda had gotten the woman out of the house soon after Danethar came into the bedroom. Spy or not- her fault or not- Ilsa didn't deserve to witness my nightmare. Not even from the safety of the hall.

_Be glad Danethar didn't bring her in to watch._

He could have. And had in fact threatened to do so in the beginning. But once he was carried away in his fun, I suppose he forgot all about the woman. I wasn't so sure he'd forget next time. No doubt there would be a next time if I didn't get Ilsa out of here. Of course, that was easier said than done. Now that Danethar's interest was caught, he would be reluctant to let the woman go. At least not until he'd satisfied his curiosity with her.

I stretched out gingerly on the bed, wincing as the coverlet brushed over skin scraped raw. Wrists and ankles mostly this time, which I expected were crusted with dried blood. Danethar had nearly cut off circulation with the ligatures. I knew I ought to get the salve on my bureau to begin healing as soon as possible, but couldn't make myself get up. Tomorrow would be just as well. Once I got some sleep.

Lucky for me, Danethar had an invitation to the palace tonight, or he might have gone on much longer. Or would have come back for another round tonight. But he never returned home after one of those evenings. He'd snare some insipid or bored housewife of one of the other Lords and they'd find some place to indulge in his appetites for the evening. If the gods spared a favor for me, maybe two. I could use another night to recover before returning to his bed.

_Did anyone even notice I was missing,_ I wondered absently. I hadn't been back to the palace since the wedding, and none of my so called 'family' had come to visit me here. Would they have asked where I was tonight when Danethar arrived alone? _Probably not. They never noticed me while I was there._

My back hurt, probably from when I'd struck the wall earlier. No way I could sleep on it tonight, so I turned over to my side. In the dark, I could see out the open window to the stars. They shone brightly in their cold, distant way. I wondered if worlds existed on any of them, and if they were all as hard and cruel as this one. Surely they couldn't be. Somewhere a place must exist where things like this didn't happen. A foolish dream, just like the pirate fantasy I'd had this morning. And no more real. This life was my reality, wretched as it was, and no faraway world would provide respite from it.

* * *

Loki escaped the feast as soon as he was sure not to be missed. Only after Thor and the others were deep in their cups did it seem wise to leave the table. Danethar had slunk off sometime earlier, a Lady Riada in tow. Newly married herself, he noted with bemusement, but no real surprise. Loki wasn't interested in following them tonight.

_I _should_ be,_ he thought irritably. But no. Instead of uncovering more useful tidbits to fit into his game, he couldn't resist finding out just what the warrior had done to Lilith.

Stealthily, he crossed the grounds under the cover of darkness. All the while, he prayed Heimdall was busy looking outward to protect Asgard against intruders rather than keeping tabs on him. No sound of alarm rose, however, as he let himself into Danethar's house. Berda the cook was asleep upstairs at this hour; the kitchen hearth burned down to embers. Even the main floor was dark and silent. Oppressive, even.

The door to Danethar's room was ajar, but so was Lilith's. She must have already gone back to her room. Loki's footsteps were extremely cautious, just in case she were awake yet. But when he poked his head inside, she appeared to be sleeping heavily. He squeezed through the door and approached the bed, which was awash in the pale moonlight from the nearby window.

He wasn't sure what he'd expected to see. Certainly not this. Red weals cut deep into Lilith's wrists and ankles. New bruises painted her skin in purple and blue, especially vivid around her hips, buttocks and thighs. In the half light, he tried to discern the red marks on her breasts and torso. Bite marks, he realized. Surprisingly, he found her face the hardest thing to look at. He actually felt dread for what he'd find there, but Loki forced himself to look.

No new injuries. Loki crouched down to get a closer look, taking a chance that Lilith wouldn't suddenly wake up and find him in her bedroom. She didn't, leaving him to study her expression. Lilith's brows were slightly furrowed in her sleep. Confusion? Anger? Sorrow? Most likely the last of those. Loki noticed a shimmery track of tears curving across her cheek. Tears he was sure 'Ilsa' wouldn't see when she arrived tomorrow.

_You did this to her_, a voice whispered in the back of his mind. The same one he'd heard earlier today, in fact. _And the longer you play this game, the more of this she'll get. If you wanted to do the right thing, you'd end it now. This very night._

Those thoughts unnerved him, and Loki backed away from the sleeping woman. The words were true, but were never ones he would ever say. How could he give up his game? Ruining Danethar was the only fun he could have in this forsaken city.

_I won't throw it away because I'm having a passing attack of conscience. In a few days, the bruises will be gone and I'll forget any of it happened._

The voice wasn't done with him yet, nor was it dismissed so easily.

_You'll forget- will she? Go on and play your game- exact revenge upon the warrior if that's what you think you want. But be careful, or he may be the one to get revenge on you first._

_What's _that_ supposed to mean, _he asked himself irritably.

Now that other inner voice was silent. Loki didn't like it when he played games with himself. He was the master, not the puppet. But as he stared one last time at Lilith's naked, brutalized body, he no longer felt so certain of that fact.


	6. Chapter 5: Of Duets and Chess

Morning arrived far too early in my opinion. I'd traded the starlight for sunlight, now pouring through the window cheerfully. Even on normal days, I rarely felt any goodwill at this hour. On days like today, the obnoxious brightness of the sun seemed to add insult to injury. And speaking of injuries…I opened my eyes and did what I always dreaded doing. Start easy- arms.

_Oh those will scar if I don't tend to them right now_, I thought in dismay as I inspected the marks from the tethers. They were bad enough to see; I knew it was about to get worse.

Moving was a little easier this morning than last night, though not by much. I stood before the mirror, taking stock of the damage. The story they told was not pretty, nor was it a new one. I turned away. Better get moving before Ilsa got here. Wouldn't want her to barge in here without knocking and see this. Grabbing the salve and other basic supplies, I was able to patch myself up as best as I could. The healers in the palace could have fixed me up no question, but going there would only lead to questions I didn't want to answer.

Lastly, my thoughts turned to the marks on my wrists. No gown would cover them, so I wrapped them gently in a thin bandage before slipping on a pair of decorative cuffs. I'd made them just for this reason out of scraps from gowns Danethar had torn beyond repair. Granted, my sewing skills weren't the greatest, but they seemed fashionable enough to disguise their intended purpose. No one but Berda really saw them, anyway.

Satisfied that I appeared decent, I dressed and stepped into the hallway. No Ilsa. I didn't dare hope that seeing yesterday's demonstration scared the woman off. That had been my error yesterday. She'd be here, sooner or later. Hopefully later. And since I wasn't interested in another argument in the garden, maybe today would be better spent in the music room.

How we ended up with it, I'd never know. Certainly wasn't Danethar's doing; he considered the arts useless pursuits. But he didn't dare destroy a single thing in that room. Stupid as he was, the man knew it was a symbol of status to have a collection of fine instruments, and wasn't about to let that go. Just like he wasn't willing to let _me _go, no matter how much he despised me.

I pulled open the door and let myself inside. Compared to the collection at the palace, this room wasn't so impressive. I didn't care. The instruments suited my needs just fine. Today, I chose one of my favorites- a cello. It had been a few weeks since I'd last practiced, so I doubted anything today would sound spectacular. As it was, my skills were only novice. All the better that no one had to listen to me.

After rosining the bow and tuning the strings, I began a simple warm up exercise. Something easy to remind my fingers what they were supposed to be doing. Some of the more strenuous hand positions were a bit of a challenge today, owing to the bandaged wrists, but it didn't hurt enough to stop. So I went on to play songs I'd memorized long ago. We were like old friends, meeting again as I drew the bow across the strings.

_Hello, old friend- did you miss me?_

For some time, I did nothing but close my eyes and play. Asgardian songs; Midgardian ones. They flowed around me and cleansed away the ugly feelings that lingered from yesterday. Like my daydreaming, music was a way to escape. I kept going until I'd run out of tunes I knew. Probably a good idea to rest, anyway. My shoulders were growing tired. Setting the bow aside, I stretched my sore muscles.

"You play quite well, Lady."

Completely rattled by the unexpected sound, I spun around to the door. Ilsa stood just inside the room. That woman had an awful habit of sneaking up on me. _Perhaps I should insist she wear a bell around her neck_, I thought irritably. Although an amusing idea, it was not one likely to happen. I set the cello back in its stand and shrugged at her.

"Well enough, I guess. I'd play better if I practiced more." After a pause, I continued. "And what'd I tell you about calling me 'Lady'?"

"I forgot again."

"Do try to remember. It's an empty and pointless ritual. I don't know why we insist on keeping it."

"You don't think much of the class system, do you, Lilith?"

"Honestly? No."

"That doesn't make a whole lot of sense, begging your pardon. You're part of the ruling class- why would you want to give up that privilege?"

"I think we both know that I rule nothing. And even if I did, I wouldn't want it."

"So you never dreamed of being Queen over Asgard?"

"Not for all the gold in the nine realms."

"But you could have everything. You could exile Danethar or have him killed, even. You'd be the one telling everyone else what to do."

I wasn't surprised that Ilsa thought ruling a kingdom was as easy as that. No doubt she wasn't the first to make that mistake and wouldn't be the last. I'd never understood people who craved power and authority over others. Both were little more than gilded chains made of gold and jewels. In the end, they were still chains.

"Power and freedom don't make for good bedfellows, Ilsa," I replied finally. "The more of the former you have, the less you'll see of the latter. Every waking moment is spent holding onto it and guarding it from anyone who'd want to take it from you. And even if you had nothing to fear from would-be usurpers, you'd still have to rule. A never-ending queue of decisions- tithes, food reserves, invasions. In the end, the kingdom rules you."

* * *

An interesting speech, although Loki wasn't inclined to credit it. At least not totally. He did concede that when he became king over Asgard he would have many decisions to make. But he didn't see that prospect as some unwanted burden. He'd master the realm and see it shaped to his vision. And once he'd done it, Loki would be sure to bring Lilith to the palace to show her he was right.

_What happened to your other plan,_ asked that damned voice, back again to annoy him. _She was supposed to be your next game._

_I'm still doing that._

_ Doesn't sound like it if you intend to keep her around that long. Why does it matter that she know you were right, anyway?_

That voice was truly getting annoying. Loki had just enough of its taunting, which seemed to be more and more frequent as the days passed. He was no closer to figuring out how to shut it up when Lilith spoke.

"Ilsa- are you okay?"

She was looking at him oddly, and Loki swore to himself. Better distract her with another topic. He fought the smile that threatened as he thought of just the one.

"I'm fine. How…how are you?"

"Fine, Ilsa. As you can see."

As he'd suspected last night, no tears this morning. Lilith acted as though nothing at all had happened. Loki knew it was just a façade, though, and decided to push her until it dissolved. Small revenge for not agreeing with him a moment ago.

"I believe my ears more than my eyes. I know what I heard yesterday, Lilith. And they told me that you're _not_ fine."

_I wonder if my eyes do that when I'm angry_, he wondered absently. Lilith's had darkened to a blue that appeared almost black.

"It's not your concern, as I've already told you."

"You were screaming. How am I supposed to ignore that?"

"That door in the kitchen- it swings both ways. You can walk out just as effortlessly as you walk in. Makes it very easy to ignore things when you aren't around to hear them."

Nope, that wasn't going to work. Loki switched tactics. He tipped his head down and shrugged.

"It was my fault."

Lilith didn't bat an eyelash at his admission. Not even a hint of emotion on her face or in her voice.

"Yes, it was."

"Is that all you have to say about it?"

"What else is there to say? I already warned you what would happen if you stayed and you didn't listen then. I won't waste my breath by repeating it. You've been told the fastest way to end this."

The woman was indomitable, he had to admit. And he still didn't understand why she continued to put up with any of this. Lilith's determination of will would be better spent arguing to the death with the Allfather for a divorce. But she didn't. She allowed herself to be beaten and raped by a man who couldn't care less about her. Such a bizarre combination of spirit and low self-worth. He couldn't figure out how to reconcile them.

"I'm not leaving," he told her firmly.

"Then you will accept it when I tell you that I'm fine."

"Have it your way- but I'm not happy about it."

"That is as you please."

She'd gotten the better of him…again. How did that keep happening? Loki was determined it would not occur another time. But for now, the argument was won and he shifted his focus back to something less likely to provoke another.

"Were you finished playing, Lilith?"

"I think so," she admitted with a sigh. "My fingers need a break. Even if they didn't do much."

"I meant it when I said you play well."

And surprisingly enough, he did mean it. Lilith played the cello beautifully. He hadn't meant to watch her as long as he had, but Loki had been spellbound as the instrument came to life at her touch. Notes rose and fell, filling the small room with wondrous melody. More than just song, he'd observed. Feelings and emotions she generally refused to acknowledge found a voice in the music she played. Something he'd have to keep in mind.

"Thank you. Do you play an instrument, Ilsa?"

He did- several, in fact. While his brother was off harassing the Dark Elves, he'd spent his hours in study. Music was one of his many interests. But should he reveal any of those talents? A maid like Ilsa probably didn't have an opportunity to play an instrument. On the other hand…he couldn't resist the temptation.

"Why yes, I do. My parents thought having a skill would help me stand out from other servants," he improvised.

"You're welcome to play any of the instruments in here if you like."

"Would you like to hear me play something now? Seems only fair since I walked in on your performance."

"I'd be happy to listen," she offered sincerely.

"Very well."

Loki moved further into the room, and considered his options. How unusual for him to perform for someone. No one at the palace had bothered to listen for a long time. Lilith seemed genuinely interested, though. Whatever her suspicions about Ilsa, they did not affect her enthusiasm for music. Several instruments caught his attention, before Loki spied the piano. An instrument designed to impress, and one of his favorites to play.

He sat on the cherry wood bench and laid his fingers delicately on the keys. Lilith chose a seat nearby, her movements careful and somewhat awkward. But since he'd agreed to pretend she was fine, Loki ignored her discomfort. Instead, he concentrated on the opening movement of a song he'd learned as a young man. Long before the rivalry between Thor and him began. Before he'd realized how different he was from the rest of Asgard's inhabitants. A time he'd almost been happy. Playing it was like finding a way back to it.

When the song finished, Loki went on to play another. One more suited to his life such as it was now. Full of fury and energy, barely controlled. The nine and ten-finger chords took almost all of his focus. But they were his favorite part of the song. Especially when he shifted key in the middle. Loki's fingers were flying over the ivory as he reached the end, a final flourish that left him slightly drained and…peaceful. He sat motionless for a few minutes, relishing those feelings.

"I think you missed your calling, Ilsa," Lilith whispered in awe. "Why waste your time with servant work if you can play like that?"

He let out a breath and shifted on the bench to look in her direction. Maybe he should have kept his eyes on the piano, caught off-guard by the expression on Lilith's face. Loki wasn't prepared to find it transformed by pleasure and…joy. The blue of her eyes sparkled and came alive. And she was smiling- the first true smile he'd seen in three days.

_And here I thought I only needed to be wary of her temper. That look could be far more dangerous if she knew how to use it as a weapon._

Dangerous enough when she didn't. Perhaps more so, since Lilith was unaware of its effect on a person. Not on him, of course. Loki wasn't one to be swayed by anything so trivial. He was certainly pleased that she'd been impressed by his ability, but he'd had no doubts she would- and _should_\- be impressed. Nothing more than that.

_Liar._

Damn that voice. Loki would consider sacrificing whatever part of himself he had to if he could be sure to be rid of it. Within reason, of course. But if he had to endure many more days of its obnoxious commentary, he'd be driven to madness.

_You know how to get rid of me,_ it taunted him before going silent once more.

Rather than engage in another pointless argument, he returned his attention to Lilith. Loki folded his hands in his lap and lifted his shoulders in an artless shrug.

"I thought this the safer path to take."

"I guess, but you looked…well…much happier at the piano than I can ever imagine anyone is to fold linen and scrub floors. Seems a pity to endure a 'safe' life when there's a chance to do something more fulfilling."

* * *

Ilsa looked at me as if I'd grown a second head. Or maybe as if I'd lost the one I had. And I supposed I deserved it. Who was I to be telling her the life she chose was the wrong one? Look how I'd chosen to live mine. Oh how Ilsa wanted to point it out, too. Might as well save her the trouble…or the danger of exploding if she held it in much longer.

"Okay, I suppose I'm not the best person to give advice on the subject of life choices. But I'm serious that you ought to try your luck in the palace as an entertainer instead of a maid. I'd write to the Allfather on your behalf, even. For whatever good that might do."

The woman regarded me a few moments before answering.

"You really would, wouldn't you?"

"Of course."

"Why?"

"Why not?"

"I'm nothing to you. Hel- you don't even _like_ me. Not to mention that yesterday you called me a spy."

She had a point, and I sighed heavily.

"I don't know what you are. But I know that-" I nodded at the piano "-is a gift and shouldn't be wasted. So I'll help where I can to see that it's not."

Another long pause, and again I wondered if the puzzlement on Ilsa's face was just an act or something real. I had no idea what purpose it would serve her to pretend she was confused, so perhaps it was genuine. Then again, I was equally unsure why anything I'd just said would confuse her. She had talent; I could help her find a use for it. What was so difficult to comprehend about that?

"I don't think I'm ever going to understand you, Lilith."

"Probably a lost cause to try. Did you know any other songs, or were those the only two," I added before Ilsa could comment further.

"I know a few more." She hesitated. "Do you play at all? I know a duet, but would need you to play the second part."

"Oh…well, I can play…a little. Not as well as you do, though. So if it's complicated, I doubt I could manage it."

"It's not that hard. Try it?"

I stared at the bench, chewing on my lower lip with indecision. Even if I thought I could manage the song itself, I'd have to sit right next to Ilsa, and I knew the seat wasn't really big enough for two. After yesterday, the last thing I wanted to do was touch anyone- or be touched. But we were having a good time and it had been so long since I'd had anyone share an interest in something I liked. Even if in the back of my mind I wondered why this woman was being so accommodating, I was reluctant to give that up. Weakness. A persistent flaw in my character.

"I dunno."

Ilsa seemed to sense my inner conflict. She scooted to the far edge and patted the space left vacant.

"C'mon, I swear I don't bite."

I inhaled sharply and had to turn away. The woman couldn't have known what she said would cause memories of yesterday to surface. _No, you stay where I buried you_, I ordered desperately. Now was not the time to go completely unglued. And no doubt that would happen if…_Don't finish the thought or you'll lose it. Get control._ Mentally, I froze. Just stopped thinking and waited for it to pass.

"I said something wrong, didn't I?"

Exhaling slowly, I forced the memories back to their secret corner and raised my eyes to Ilsa. She was waiting for my answer, a strange look on her face. I would call it regret, but even that was almost smothered by something else. Discomfort? I don't know what it was, really. But if I didn't know better, I'd think that she was embarrassed. She probably wouldn't tell me anything if I asked her about it, so I pretended I hadn't seen anything unusual. As casually as I could, I skirted the edge of the bench and sat down.

"Let's see if you can teach as well as you play," I challenged her with a wry grin.

Ilsa was beyond surprised. I wasn't even sure if an adjective existed to describe her reaction. But at last, she seemed to recover and returned my smile.

"I guess we'll find out, won't we?"

She and I went over the two parts of the duet for the better part of an hour before I felt confident enough to put them together. Not the worst hour I'd ever spent. Ilsa was indeed a skilled teacher. I bit my tongue several times to avoid repeating my thoughts about her choice of profession. I'd said my piece; it was up to her to make a decision for herself.

We began the song, starting at our respective ends of the keyboard. As the melody progressed and changed, our two parts drew closer and mingled. Entwined. My right hand crossed over Ilsa's left, the faintest brush of skin over hers. But I was so intent on keeping up that I didn't pause to think about it and played on. Now our parts worked in tandem, driving the melody across the keys as we picked up speed.

In the end, a series of scaling arpeggios crisscrossed over each other, and yet somehow we managed to perform them without becoming entangled in each other. The last notes lingered in the quiet room as our hands stilled. At first, I couldn't tell which two were mine from hers. Almost unaware of what I was doing, my eyes drifted up to Ilsa's. We were shoulder to shoulder- so close that if either of us leaned forward our lips would meet.

_Why the Hel did I just think that!? I don't want to kiss _anyone_, much less another woman. And definitely not _Ilsa_._

Feeling somewhat embarrassed, I jerked backwards. She looked similarly discomfited. Whether she'd been caught up as well, or was reacting to my behavior, I wasn't sure. Wouldn't that be too ironic? Threats and Danethar's leering wouldn't be the thing to scare her away, but one kiss from me and I could probably send her screaming from here. Too bad I had no stomach to play that game or my problems would be over. Then I could go back to the normal…lonely…life of the past two months.

_Oh dammit, I can't start thinking like that now. She has to go._

I cleared my throat and pulled my hands away from the keys.

"Well, I think you mislead me a little when you said that wasn't complicated. Once we got going, it seemed pretty complex to me."

"I think I was equally mislead," Ilsa remarked as she recovered from whatever just happened. "You play much better than you claimed."

"A fluke, I assure you. I would have to attribute most of our success to the one doing the teaching." I swung my legs around the bench and got up. "But I think that's truly it for what my fingers can take today."

"Perhaps we could try again later."

I wasn't sure I was ready to handle that a second time, but didn't want to admit it for fear of bringing back that awkward feeling. So I nodded and rubbed my wrist absently. Too late, I remembered they were bandaged, and nearly let out a breathless scream. Only when I was sure my voice was steady did I risk saying anything. Naturally, it was anything but ladylike.

"Damn that smarts," I swore through clenched teeth.

"Lilith?"

"It's nothing. I forgot about…"

"Forgot what?"

It was a little late to attempt a lie. Pretty sure even if I did, she wouldn't believe me. Oh well, so much for trying to hide things.

"My wrists are a little tender this morning. Wasn't supposed to touch them and I forgot."

"Oh," Ilsa's gaze drifted down to the cuffs. "I suppose I shouldn't ask why."

"You wouldn't like my answers, that's for sure."

"More things my mother wouldn't know about?"

"I doubt many mothers would," I replied succinctly as I crossed the room. "It's getting late, Ilsa. I think after yesterday, it'd be best if you were gone before Danethar returns home."

"I guess so, but are you sure? What if he comes back and expects…"

I kept walking out into the hall, holding the door open for Ilsa to join me. She hurried up and I closed it softly.

"Won't be anything new. As I said before- that's not your concern."

The woman said nothing more. I watched as she left by way of the kitchen stairs, sighing with relief when I heard the back door shut. One more day where I'd kept her from him. But it was a losing game, I knew. The only way to be sure Danethar wouldn't prey on Ilsa was to send her away for good. Today's adventure in the music room hadn't helped me do that at all.

_She has to go_.

* * *

Loki couldn't focus, meandering aimlessly through the gardens on the palace grounds. He ought to be spreading more rumors in the servant quarters, but the duet he'd played with Lilith had truly shaken him. More than shaken him; scared him to death. Especially that final moment when their gazes had locked together. For that fraction of a second, Loki had felt as though they'd connected. An electric feeling had coursed through him- one that he refused to contemplate or acknowledge right now.

None of that had been his intent at all when he'd mentioned the duet to her. It was supposed to be part of the game. Loki just wanted to see if she'd take the bait and put herself in an uncomfortable situation. And he knew it would be, what with her issues regarding physical contact.

_Didn't mean to drag up those other thoughts about Danethar, though_, he admitted.

As soon as he'd said the words, Loki knew it had been a step too far. Although he wanted to pry back the lies to see what was underneath, she would be useless to him if she completely fell apart at this stage. And she nearly had when he'd mentioned biting. Lilith had almost cracked right there in front of him. He had no idea where she found the strength to hold it together. But she did it.

_You're not the only one who finds power in lies_, teased the voice. Again with the sly comments.

In the end, Lilith had actually agreed to the duet. Loki never anticipated that she would do anything but decline. He wasn't prepared at all to teach her how to play it. Hel, he didn't even have a duet picked out; he didn't think he'd _need_ one. So he'd had to do his best to think of something and attempt to teach her. A novel experience for him, too. Teaching. Surprisingly, that endeavor was…he tried to ignore the thought that came to mind. That would only circle back to what he'd tried to forget in the first place.

It had amused him, that's all. Nothing at all like enjoying their friendly banter or her curiosity and enthusiasm. Or the companionship of someone who could be so…like-minded. He shook his head to clear those thoughts. No, she was just another piece on his chessboard. And while maybe she wasn't merely a pawn, Lilith wasn't so vital as…

_The Queen, perhaps?_

_Damn you, shut up. She is not and never will be a Queen._

_ But the game needs one, don't you think? Without her, the King is almost certainly left vulnerable. Why do you think an opponent tries to snatch her away as quickly as possible?_

_ I am not listening to you,_ Loki swore at the voice. _I won't be tricked by my own lies._

_ Poor Prince_, it mocked him one last time. _You already are._


	7. Chapter 6: Rumors Unravel

_**Author's Note: The last scene might be a bit violent for some. Read at your own risk.**_

* * *

Thor knew his brother had to be up to something. Rarely did two days go by when Loki wasn't starting some mischief or scheme. Ever since they'd been children he'd been that way. Granted, not all of them had been nefarious; some had been fun, actually. Until they got into trouble with their father, of course. That part was _never_ fun. Eventually, Thor had grown out of pranks; Loki had not. Things seemed to go wrong after that.

Like that whole disaster on Midgard. He was still surprised his mother had convinced Odin to release Loki after that one. But she had, and now he was left to keep an eye on his wayward brother. Although why he bothered, Thor didn't know. It wasn't as though Loki _cared_ that he was trying to keep him out of trouble. He supposed he did it for Frigga, since he knew it would devastate her to have his brother imprisoned again.

This newest scheme, though, Thor couldn't ignore. Loki might have their mother fooled that he had nothing to do with that rumor, but not him. If only he could figure out how his brother had managed it. The target of the rumor bothered him more than anything. Thor was certain Loki had done it as a deliberate jab at him. Trust his brother to turn a private feud between them into a public spectacle.

His only concern was a nagging worry that even a small part of what he'd heard was true. All day he'd caught anxious and sometimes hostile looks from female servants. Not necessarily at him, but at the other warriors. One or two had been especially pointed when they'd looked at Danethar. Rumor or not, it was hard for Thor to believe such instant animosity would develop without something to support it. He ordered the rest of the company to continue with drilling, but called Danethar away. The warrior's look was annoyed.

"What's the idea?"

"I want to talk to you."

"About what?"

Thor didn't much care for the man's tone. But then Danethar had been giving him issues since they'd returned from the battle against the Dark Elves. Probably felt he was above the others after being given the highest honor of any of the men who'd fought in the skirmish. Thor couldn't thank his father for creating that headache.

"I assume you've heard the gossip lately."

"Heard it and found the whole thing to be absolute garbage. The Allfather should replace the whole damn staff for starting it. That would be an example to keep the next ones in line."

"He's not going to do that, Danethar."

"So they get to spread lies about us and nothing happens to them at all?"

"It's up to my father to decide how to deal with the palace staff- not you or me," Thor replied stiffly. Really, the man was too opinionated for his own good.

"Well, at least I hope the instigator is exiled from Asgard. Send her to some wasteland on Midgard to remind her of her place."

That uneasy feeling was growing stronger. Thor didn't want to ask his next question, but felt it was his duty to do so.

"And what place is that, Danethar?"

"Doing the job she'd been hired to do- and that she should keep her trap shut. Maybe if servants stuck to their work they wouldn't have time for useless gossip."

"You're being awfully hostile."

"They're being paid to do work, not socialize. And nothing says I have to like them."

_You sound a lot like my brother. Except you actually despise them. Loki doesn't care about servants one way or the other. Right now, I'm not sure which of you is worse._

"The feeling appears to be mutual," he pressed onward. "Any ideas why they might single you out especially?"

Danethar's expression changed immediately. He'd been mildly annoyed before; now he was furious.

"You think that rumor has something to do with _me_? If any of it were true do you think for one minute my wife would put up with it? She's kin of _your_ line, remember."

"I said nothing of the kind. I was merely asking why the enmity on both sides."

The anger abated slightly as the warrior thought a moment. He shrugged.

"I bet they're just jealous."

"How so?"

Danethar flashed a smile at him and rolled his shoulders.

"I was a popular guy before I wedded your cousin, you know. Maybe they resent the fact I'm taken."

"We're not encouraged to fraternize with the women on staff," Thor pointed out stonily.

"Doesn't mean it doesn't happen, though," Danethar hinted with another grin.

_How quickly you change your tone. One minute you almost consider them sub-human and in the next you're their dream lover, stolen away by another woman._ Thor wondered if the warrior realized how inconsistent he sounded. Doubtful.

"Then perhaps I shall speak with the Allfather. He should remind the men of their oaths. Maybe if they had, these rumors wouldn't have started."

"You're blaming _us_ for this"

"If what you're telling me is true and the warriors are bedding the servants, then they're certainly responsible for their share of the problem. Regardless of where the rumor actually started."

"I never thought I'd hear you of all men turn on your comrades in arms," Danethar jeered at him. "Guess I was mistaken. So much for brotherhood amongst warriors. Now if you'll excuse me, Prince, I'm going to join the others."

With that, he turned on his heel and stalked away in self-righteous anger. Thor didn't try to stop him. He wasn't sure what to do at this point. Too much information had been handed to him- all of it conflicting. He didn't think Danethar was guilty of the things he'd heard in the rumor, but now he had a better idea why they might be spreading so rapidly. Why now, though? It sounded like warriors had been dabbling with the servants for some time. Thor couldn't see a reason for the gossip to start now over any time in between.

_Loki has a better head for this_, he admitted sourly. _But I'm still unconvinced that he's not behind the rumor in the first place. Still, maybe it wouldn't hurt to talk with him. On the off-chance he's actually telling the truth, maybe his insights would be of use to sort out this mess._

With a reluctant sigh, Thor signaled to one of the other warriors in the company, Timar.

"What is it, Thor?"

"I need to check on my brother- would you see the men are properly drilled for the day in my absence?"

"With pleasure."

"My thanks to you. And keep an eye on them- I want to hear of anything unusual."

Timar's look was curious, but he didn't ask Thor to elaborate. He merely nodded and accepted the order.

"Yes, my Lord."

"I should be back this evening to hear your report of the day's activities," he said and walked in the direction of the palace. Now he just needed to find his brother. That would be no easy task.

* * *

Loki's meandering had taken him to the edge of the gardens. As he sat on the bench, he stared at the trellises. Clematis vines laced over the wooden frame in an intricate pattern, reminding him of Lilith's garden. He wondered if she'd gone to work in it after he left. What was she doing now? Had Danethar returned home?

_Has she been forced into his bed again, or will he merely beat her tonight?_

So distracted by those thoughts and the question of why the answer mattered to him, Loki didn't notice someone approaching. And then a shadow fell over him, demanding his attention. Loki glanced up and nearly groaned in annoyance. Thor. Of all people, why him?

"Brother, I wish to speak with you."

"Again? Didn't we have a brotherly chat yesterday? I would think that would be enough for a few days at least."

"Don't be an ass. I'm serious."

Loki considered Thor's agitated expression and body language. Something had distressed him, most definitely. Enough that he'd set aside that insufferable superior attitude he usually had around him. It happened- rarely. Curious what could have rattled his brother this time, Loki decided to hear him out. Maybe it'd distract him from his unwelcome thoughts about Lilith and Danethar.

"Well, then, it must be very serious if you're desperate enough to talk to me."

Thor sat on the bench with a disgruntled sideways glance.

"I don't know about desperate, but I'll admit that I think I could use your expertise."

"On what subject?"

"The rumor that started yesterday."

"The one you so adamantly accused me of starting."

"Look, can we forget that for a minute? I'm not here to get into an argument."

"I'm just curious why you'd be so interested in my help when you think I made it up."

"Because something is going on beyond the damn rumor and I know you can work it out where I can't. Are you happy, Brother? Is that what you wanted to hear?"

Not really. Loki hadn't expected anything so serious to develop this early in the game. But from what Thor just told him, the rumor stirred things up more than he'd intended. He hoped it hadn't ruined his plans, but only one way to find out. Loki would have to let Thor have his say.

"I'm flattered. So go on and tell me what has you so worried."

"I had a conversation with Danethar just a little while ago."

_Uh oh._

"Why him," Loki tried to ask casually.

"Just a feeling. I've noticed all day that some fairly nasty looks were thrown in his direction from the palace staff and thought I'd ask him about it."

"And?"

"And I don't like his answers much."

Loki dreaded what he'd hear next. But it couldn't be too definitive or Thor wouldn't be coming to him for help. If he thought the rumors were about Danethar and that they might be true, he'd have gone to the Allfather instead. The game couldn't be over yet. Loki still had a chance to turn it around.

"What did he say?"

"Well for starters, I don't like his attitude about the servants. The man had the nerve to insist that they should all be let go over this thing with the rumor. Sure, it's a detestable business, but to be that extreme is beyond any reasonable punishment."

"Not to mention a waste of time to select and train new ones," Loki supplied in a bored tone. "It took me four weeks to train mine properly once our father so graciously let me out of my cell. I do not wish to repeat the experience any time soon. I'm guessing there's more?"

"He's implied that some of the warriors are…close…to the female staff at the palace."

Trust Thor to mince words around him. He bet he wasn't so circumspect when he'd been talking with Danethar. Loki sighed.

"Meaning they're sleeping with them, although…I very much doubt any _sleeping_ is going on."

"Sadly, yes. I don't know how many are involved, but from what Danethar implied, it's been going on for a while."

"I seem to recall that sort of thing being frowned upon."

"It is."

"And you think this has something to do with the rumor how?"

"That's why I'm here to talk to you, Brother."

* * *

I hadn't realized how long the day stretched out when no one was around to pass the hours. Once I'd sent Ilsa home, the afternoon seemed to crawl along endlessly. I couldn't play anymore and definitely was in no shape to garden. Danethar had banished all the books, so I couldn't even read. By the evening meal, I was so terribly bored. But even alone and bored, I still considered myself lucky. Danethar had yet to return. Even after darkness had fallen, no sign of him. So I went to bed and hoped for a few hours of dreamless sleep.

Sometime in the wee hours, I was wrenched roughly to consciousness.

"Get up, bitch," I heard Danethar snarl at me.

"My Lord, what's wrong?"

"_GET UP!_"

I did my best not to tremble. Oh please, not tonight. Not again. I don't think I could endure it again so soon after yesterday. But arguing would only make things worse, so I slipped out of bed. The cooling summer night air chilled me as I stood there in only my sleeping gown. Danethar just glared at me, then spoke.

"That maid of yours has a bigger mouth than I realized."

"I don't understand what you mean."

"The wench has been spreading rumors all over the city about warriors abusing women. You wouldn't know why she'd be doing that, would you?"

_No, Ilsa, you didn't_, I moaned inwardly. Of course she did. Hadn't I worried that was her plan all along? What could I do now to placate Danethar's rage?

"I certainly didn't_ tell _her to do anything like that. I swear I didn't, my Lord."

"You swear, huh?"

The backhand struck me so suddenly that I lost my balance and stumbled to the ground. On my hands and knees, I crouched on the braided rug and prayed he'd do nothing more. Danethar's boots crossed the room and stopped right in front of me. A sharp pain shot through the back of my head; he'd grabbed a handful of my hair and was dragging me to my feet. I scrambled to get up before he ripped it out of my scalp.

We were nose to nose, and it was all I could do not to flinch as he raised the other hand. Another blow was coming. Sure enough, he struck again. Starbursts of color swam before my eyes and I tasted blood.

"I told you that it was _your_ responsibility to keep our business out of the ears and mouths of those nosy busybodies in the palace. So why is Thor himself asking me questions? Yesterday he wanted to know where you were at dinner. Today he's all but accusing me of beating you."

Danethar didn't give me a chance to reply before hitting me again. The tirade continued, although I was having difficulty following it.

"You will fix this, you hear me? I don't want to hear another word of this damn rumor or have Thor butting into what I do with _my_ wife in _my _home. So tomorrow you do what it takes to make that little bitch understand or I'll teach her a lesson myself. If that happens, that'll be the last maid you'll ever see come into this house."

"Yes, my Lord," I managed to whisper. "I understand."

"And to be sure you know I'm serious…"

Danethar rained blow after blow on me. I fell against the bureau and tripped over the edge of the rug at some point. He knew exactly where to inflict the most pain, and I must have screamed. More than once, I think. If only he'd knock me senseless so I could escape. But he knew how to prevent that, too. At least for a little while.

"Remember, Lilith, no more questions from anyone- especially not from your damned family."

It was the last thing I heard before blackness finally claimed me.


	8. Chapter 7: New Games, New Players

Loki got a later start than he intended this morning. It was well into midmorning before he was on his way to Danethar's house, but the delay had been necessary. Yesterday's conversation with Thor had shown him the error of his initial approach for this game. He'd underestimated the downstream effects his rumor would have. Apparently once someone kicked the first pebble it let loose an avalanche of opinions long held by the staff. Lesson learned; he would have to be more careful if he wanted this game to last.

So before he went to see Lilith, Loki had to make some adjustments. A quick foray among the servants gave him the opportunity to spread a different sort of rumor. One that would counterbalance the one he'd let loose yesterday. Hopefully by the time he returned to the palace, the new one would take hold. In the meantime, back to his assumed profession.

The cook was rolling out some floured dough on the counter when Loki entered through the back door. By now, she seemed accustomed to his comings and goings, so she didn't pause her work. He almost thought he could sneak upstairs without a word from the woman.

"Morning, Ilsa," he heard her say just as his foot touched the bottom stair. Loki suppressed a sigh and turned back.

"Good morning to you, Berda. Where is the Lady today?"

Now the woman did stop, dusting her hands on a nearby towel. She shook her head.

"Hasn't left her room- or the Master's. I don't know where she passed the night, but he left in a foul temper this morning."

"Isn't he always, though?"

"I think someone-" she glared at him "-has been telling tales up at the palace. He was in an uproar about it when I heard him pass through here a few hours ago."

"You think I said something."

"Not saying it is, but seems awful strange that the rumors start days after you come here. You know? Me, I know my place, but maybe you don't yet. Starting rumors might win you friends up at the palace, but all you're doing is making things worse here. It's been worse the past three days than in the month before you showed up."

He felt a twinge of guilt. Danethar's abuse wasn't the only thing that was worse lately than previously. Loki couldn't remember how long it had been since he'd felt guilty about anything, but since stepping foot in this house, the feeling had become an all too frequent plague on him. So Lilith wasn't the only one suffering.

_Do you really consider one equal to the other,_ the voice derided him. _How pathetic._ Loki did what he knew best to drown it out: he lied.

"Honestly, I don't know anything about who started the rumors. I wouldn't do anything to hurt the Lady."

Berda didn't believe him one bit, judging by her expression.

"You keep telling yourself that, Ilsa. But I'll warn ya that the Master thinks you're responsible for it, and he'll be out for your blood if you keep it up. Stay out of his way or you'll find out for yourself the misery the Lady gets from him."

She went back to work, leaving him feeling more than a little uneasy. Not that Danethar could ever do anything to him. Loki had his powers to protect him, after all. But her censure and accusations about Lilith continued to scratch at his conscience. He didn't wait for that wretched inner voice to join in again and fled to the upper level. Once he saw Lilith- presumably in the same condition as always- the feeling would fade. She was probably in the garden or the music room.

Only she wasn't in the garden. Or the music room. Loki searched every public room before concluding that Berda had been right. Either Lilith was in her bedroom…or Danethar's. His hand rested hesitantly on the handle of the latter, but Loki didn't turn it. The initial curiosity of a few days ago had somehow transformed into dread. He no longer wanted to see whatever Danethar kept on the other side of the door.

_Coward. Afraid you can't handle the tools used to inflict the- what did you call it?- collateral damages of your game?_

Right on cue, the voice was back. Loki swallowed once and removed his hand. He refused to acknowledge any of its claims. He was just going to check the more likely room first. That's all. In the back of his mind, Loki thought he heard the echoes of mocking laughter.

The door to Lilith's room swung quietly inward, and he held his breath against a possible tirade about rude manners. As seconds passed with no sound from within, Loki realized no speech was coming. Instead of relief, the silence made him nervous. Still, all might not be as bad as he feared. Lilith could be asleep, despite the lateness of the hour. He debated whether he ought to call out through the door before going inside. Really, he needed to start acting more like the maid he was pretending to be.

_You're stalling._

Of course he was, but Loki resented having it pointed out to him, and was goaded enough to get this over with. He squared his shoulders and walked through the open door.

The overturned bureau registered first, followed by the litter of personal effects strewn everywhere; they were all broken. For several minutes, he could only stare at the mess. It had been an orderly sort of place only a few days ago. Now, it looked more like the aftermath of a horrific battle. Trinkets and what he assumed were Lilith's private possessions were crushed- as if someone had deliberately ground them underfoot. Clothes had been torn from the wardrobe and shredded. The extent of the destruction had been both thorough and systematic.

Finally, he focused on what his brain hadn't wanted to see. He registered the unconscious woman sprawled amid the destruction, viciously beaten. Loki reacted without thought, crossing the room in three long strides. Kneeling beside Lilith, he checked for some sign that she was still alive. A thready and faint pulse beat beneath his fingers. She wasn't dead.

_And what would you have done if she was? Would you mourn?_

Loki didn't know. But right now he was in no mood to play games with himself. Lilith certainly didn't have time for it, either. She was in bad shape and needed medical help or she might actually die. He ought to teleport them to the healers in the palace for immediate care. Ought to, but couldn't. As concerned as he was for her condition, he couldn't just give up the game yet. Besides, he had skills enough to handle this himself.

First things first, he should probably get her off the floor. That would be easier if he weren't hampered by his current disguise. He weighed the risks of dropping it. Lilith was unconscious, and would be for a long while yet. So no chance she'd wake up and see him. And the cook wouldn't likely leave the kitchen, since she didn't seem to be the type to get involved or ask questions. At least not when it came to Lilith or Danethar. She seemed quite opinionated to others of her own class. _Focus_. With those two worries dismissed, Heimdall was his main concern. Asgard's Watchman might notice if he suddenly appeared so far away from the palace where everyone expected him to be. Loki glanced down at Lilith again.

_The Hel with it. I'll deal with Heimdall if I have to._

Ilsa dissolved as he regained his true form, and he lifted Lilith to the bed. Where to start now? He'd learned to dress wounds on the battlefield and studied healing magic, but had little practical use for that knowledge up to now. Loki exhaled and began simply; assess the extent of her injuries, then sort out which ones needed attention first.

As he moved through his examination, the second half of his task seemed more and more difficult. Lacerations, fractured bones…internal bleeding. How in the nine realms was anyone supposed to live after receiving such a beating? Loki recalled Lilith's remark in the garden a few days ago. She'd hinted that Danethar might kill her for daydreaming. At the time, he'd thought she was exaggerating.

_But she wasn't, was she? He's capable of it and your game might just give him enough motivation to do it._

_ You're not helping me with this._

_ Was I supposed to? You don't need my help, Prince. You don't need anyone for anything, remember?_

With effort, Loki banished the voice. He had a task to complete. Internal bleeding- he needed to stop that first. Power flowed from his fingertips, which he laid over the worst of her injuries. He directed it to repair tissues and organs beneath the skin. For every second that passed, he was acutely aware that he was likely calling unwanted attention to himself. No doubt Odin put in place some kind of system to monitor him.

If he were to get away with this undetected, he'd have to work faster. Bones next. Loki kept glancing towards the door as they set and mended. To his continued surprise, no one came to stop him. Not a single alarm. Even after he'd finished cleaning up the surface wounds. Luckily, he remembered not to heal them completely. Lilith and Danethar would be suspicious if she showed no sign of injury. But at least by the time he was done, her condition seemed to be stabilizing. For a little while, he just stared at her. What should he do?

No doubt it would be at least an hour- maybe more- before she awakened. Under normal circumstances, healers would stand by to observe a patient for any residual signs of trauma or complication. This was hardly normal, and Loki couldn't afford to take any more risks than he had already. He should leave. Staying in here was only going to prolong the unpleasant feelings Loki was trying to ignore. In moments, his disguise was back in place. He was once again 'Ilsa'. He pulled the coverlet over Lilith and left the room.

* * *

Heimdall was alerted by a surge of power within Asgard. Not a large one, but enough to catch his attention. He recognized whose it was immediately- Loki. The Allfather bade him to keep an eye on what the God of Mischief was up to. Over the past few months, surprisingly little in that direction. But the sudden shift he felt told him Loki was back to his usual tricks. Now where was he? A scan of the palace found nothing. Heimdall widened the search to the streets beyond the grounds. When he finally located the god, he almost couldn't believe what he saw.

What was he doing in Danethar's home? And more importantly, what was he doing in Lilith's bedroom? At first, he worried that Loki had attacked her, although he had no idea why. Heimdall nearly raised an alarm to send Thor to rescue her, but held back one minute longer to be sure. As the events unfolded, he was glad to have waited. Far from attacking Lilith, Loki was using his power to…heal her.

_This makes even less sense. What is he up to?_

When Loki finished, he stared at Lilith for a long time. Heimdall couldn't be certain of it, but he swore he caught sight of an unfamiliar emotion on his face. At least unfamiliar for the God of Mischief. Concern. For some reason, he cared and worried about her. But just as quickly it appeared, the look vanished. Shortly after that, the image of Loki shifted and he changed into a servant woman.

_So that explains how I didn't notice him there in the first place._

Now he had to wonder just how long Loki had been playing out his disguise. Days? Weeks? The Allfather was not going to be pleased to hear of this.

_Can I tell him, though, _he debated. _I promised Lilith that I would ignore anything that took place in that house. But does that promise include this ruse with the God of Mischief?_

Never had he felt so torn over loyalties. The situation warranted careful thought. Heimdall considered all angles, and in the end, he compromised. He'd keep his promise to Lilith insomuch as he would not alert Thor- or the Allfather. But he would send word to the Queen for a meeting. He'd suggest to her that she should take an interest in what Loki was up to lately. Frigga would know how to deal with the delicate situation without dragging the Allfather into things.

_And perhaps now I've finally found a way to get Lilith out of that house, since she won't do it herself._

* * *

Several things struck me when I woke. I was on the bed, for one. Definitely not where I recalled losing consciousness last night. And secondly, my injuries were a lot less severe than they ought to be. I hurt, absolutely. But not as much as I should. Something was very much amiss here.

_Well, you're not going to find out what it is from bed, are you?_

Couldn't argue with that logic, so I got up. That's when I saw the state of the room. It was a total wreck. Either this had happened during the struggle, or- more likely- Danethar had trashed it after I blacked out. Nothing was spared. My only consolation was knowing that none of what he'd destroyed mattered to me. The only possession I had of any sentimental value had been my book, and it was out of his reach, thanks to Ilsa.

The clothes were annoying, though. The few decent gowns I'd had left were ripped to pieces. Nothing even to wear out to buy new ones, and I couldn't very well go around town in a sleeping gown. I glanced down at it. No, definitely not. Rust-colored stains dotted the pale lavender silk. Blood- mine, most likely. The quandary of what to do puzzled me for a while. And then I saw the tunic and leggings at the bottom of the wardrobe. Danethar must have mistaken them for rags, because they were still intact.

_They'll do until I can purchase new clothes,_ I thought as I changed into them. _I'll have to be quick, though, so Danethar doesn't catch me wearing them._

I emerged from my bedroom and immediately heard music coming from down the hall. Ilsa? She must have arrived while I was still unconscious and decided to wait there. I shrugged and made my way to the conservatory. The woman should have left, but I needed to talk to her, so it was just as well that she hadn't. Quietly, I pulled open the door and slipped inside.

Ilsa was indeed at the piano, playing a song I'd never heard before. Sad and brooding- inviting the listener to lose oneself in pensive contemplation. Although I had intended to announce my arrival, words failed me. She was so focused- so completely immersed in the music- that I couldn't spoil her concentration. Instead I watched and waited for Ilsa to finish, wondering what prompted her to choose such a somber melody.

When the piece finished, she leaned forward to cradle her head in her hands. I almost turned on my heel and left the room, not wanting to intrude on…well, whatever this was. Ilsa was not acting like anything I'd seen from her over the past few days, and it made me uneasy. Lying, scheming and irritating questions I could deal with, but if she was going to go melancholy and weepy on me, I wasn't sure I could face it.

A small noise must have betrayed my presence. Ilsa straightened at the bench and turned around. I saw nothing on her face that told me what she'd been thinking a moment ago. Almost as if I'd imagined that anything had been wrong. Perhaps if I asked her, she'd tell me what it was; perhaps she'd tell me another lie. None of my business, anyway. As someone who didn't like people asking too many questions about me, I wasn't about to go prodding into the mind of someone else without invitation.

"So you're awake," she said with a quick glance from head to toe. "And apparently out of gowns."

"Right on both counts. The latter being something I need to take care of as soon as possible."

"So…a trip to a dressmaker?"

"You sound surprised."

"I wasn't sure you would leave the house looking like…"

"Like what?" I asked irritably.

"They're going to know he beats you with the marks on your face. I thought people weren't supposed to know."

She couldn't know that the shops I frequented had no idea who I was or who I was married to. They may have noticed the occasional bruise or welt, but likely assumed I was a low-ranking Lady. If they thought I was a Lady at all. But her comment gave me a perfect opportunity for that talk I wanted to have with her.

"Somehow I don't think that will matter. I hear someone's been spreading rumors lately."

"It wasn't me," Ilsa protested immediately. "I told Berda the same thing when I got here a few hours ago. I never said anything to anyone about what goes on here."

I didn't believe a word of it.

"And you expect me to swallow that story."

"I know what it looks like, Lilith, but it's true. Do you really think I'd try to make things any worse for you?"

"Well someone sure is, and I'm looking at the most likely candidate."

"Why does it have to be me? You've got houses on both sides- occupied and fully staffed. Maybe one of them is tired of hearing screams and started talking."

Her point was one I couldn't completely discount, even though I wanted to. The neighbors hadn't interfered over the past few months, so I'd always assumed they couldn't hear what went on. But maybe they had and were just slow to take action. Ilsa must have seen that her argument was beginning to sway my opinion.

"You see? Any one of them could have just as easily said something, not knowing like I do what would happen when the rumor got back to Danethar."

I had to shut her up before I lost all sense of my convictions. No matter how plausible her theories might be, I knew deep down that she'd been the one to start the rumors. Not the neighbors. Not their servants. Ilsa. Whether motivated by ambition or just because she didn't have the sense to know when to keep quiet…didn't matter. But maybe now she was starting to realize the seriousness of the consequences and was trying to place the blame elsewhere. The almost desperate tone of her voice suggested that might be the case.

_Can't finish the game now that you know the stakes, Ilsa? Well, I wish you luck in your lies. We both know what you did and what is going to come of it._

In the end, I didn't care if she wanted to pretend she had nothing to do with this. It just wasn't worth the effort.

"I'll grant you that, but your logic won't work on Danethar, I promise you. So if the rumors can't be stopped- by you or whoever else may have started them- then I suggest you stay out of his way. Indefinitely."

"What about you," Ilsa asked quietly. "I saw what he did- how will you stay out of his way if the rumors don't stop?"

"Storms blow over eventually," I replied just as softly. "Now come on- let's get going before it gets any later."

I didn't wait for her to answer me, and walked out into the hallway. Ilsa dogged my footsteps, albeit reluctantly. Whatever her strange mood today, I wasn't of a mind to ask her about it or placate her. If I could make do with my lot in life, she could make do with hers.

* * *

Frigga received Heimdall's message and found time to see him during the afternoon. After their meeting just the other day, she suspected he'd seen another gateway fluctuation. At least that's what she hoped he'd called her to the Bifrost to discuss. Every time he sent her a note these past months, she feared he would tell her Loki was caught trying to escape to Midgard. Or worse, that he'd tried to let something loose in Asgard.

Heimdall was waiting patiently for her when she arrived. She didn't see anyone else present- not even Sif. That should be comforting, but Frigga couldn't shake the feeling of foreboding as she sat on the chair he provided for her.

"My Queen, I thank you for coming," he began.

"No need to thank me, Heimdall. I am always happy to lend my assistance where I can. What have you seen that requires attention?"

Heimdall must have felt her apprehension, and shook his head.

"Nothing so grim to worry you, my Queen. Have no fear."

"But important, none-the-less."

"Well…yes. I saw something unusual today and felt I should inform you of it."

As she thought, he'd seen another fluctuation. Maybe this time he'd caught its source.

"A possible gateway in the warrior's quarter of the city again?"

"Noooo…nothing like that." The man actually fidgeted in the pause before he continued, but Heimdall pushed on before she could point it out. "Have you spoken with the God of Mischief lately- about how he's been occupying his days?"

The worry returned. Loki was indeed up to something and Heimdall had seen it this time. Frigga wondered why he didn't just tell her what it was, though. Why all this subterfuge? She thought back to recent conversations with her son.

"A few days ago he said he'd been spending time in the palace gardens. And Thor found him there again yesterday evening. Why?"

"Perhaps you should inquire a little more into his whereabouts during the day."

"Have you seen something?"

"I may have."

His continued reticence was becoming frustrating. Frigga frowned at him.

"Is there some reason you can't tell me what it is?"

Asgard's Watchman closed his eyes briefly, almost as if in pain. She almost regretted having been so sharp with him, but did not apologize. He took a deep, steadying breath and reopened them.

"Yes, but I swear to you the secrets I keep are not a threat to Asgard."

"May I inquire as to whose secrets they are?"

"Alas, my Queen, I cannot tell you that, either. If not for the discovery that Loki has become involved, I would not have put either of us in such an awkward situation by sending for you."

"Why send for anyone at all, then, if you can explain so little?"

"Because I believe some good may come out of what I've seen, but not without help."

"Specifically my help, you mean. Why not his brother or my husband?"

"My Queen," he replied with a wry smile. "In many ways, a Lady is more adept at ferreting out information. Especially in situations that call for a more subtle approach."

_Meaning he didn't want to Thor or Odin to back Loki into a corner with an open confrontation. I'm guessing if that happened, whatever outcome Heimdall is hoping for won't come to pass. What could my son possibly be up to that would merit his approval?_

Frigga set those thoughts aside and nodded.

"Thank you, Heimdall. I will be sure to look into this matter- carefully, of course- and unravel this mystery. Please keep me informed if his actions become a threat to the safety of Asgard."

"I will, my Queen."

Their meeting ended, she left the Bifrost and headed back to the palace. This evening, she'd call Loki in for a chat- just the two of them. Frigga had been intending to, anyway, so Heimdall had merely provided her with the proper motivation to see it through. And from what he'd hinted, the meeting could prove to be an interesting one.


	9. Chapter 8: Beck and Call

**_Advanced Warning: If you are bothered by scenes of violence and rape, this chapter is not for you. In particular, the last section. It's been redacted from the original version (PM for the unredacted chapter)  
_**

* * *

He'd no sooner returned to the palace than a messenger handed him an envelope. Loki didn't need to crack the seal to know who'd sent it. Whenever his mother decided they needed to have a 'private' conversation, she always sent him an official invitation. He supposed she thought it would make him less likely to refuse. If history were any indication, she was right. At the designated hour, he'd find himself in her private receiving room, as always.

Loki accepted the envelope and dismissed its bearer. Sure enough, the writing inside belonged to his mother. But at least this time she sounded less agitated than in her last summons. From the look of it, Frigga was interested in how he was doing. She even mentioned his recent interest in gardening.

_I'd almost prefer a lecture_, he thought dismally. _Who knows what she's trying to get at with this. I know her too well to believe Frigga has no ulterior motive. At times, she can almost be as cunning as I am. Almost._

Today was not a day he wanted to deal with her game. Or anyone else's, actually, Loki thought irritably. He was the God of Mischief; games were supposed to be orchestrated at _his_ command. So why did it seem that lately everyone was trespassing on his territory?

_Wouldn't want you to be bored. This is more exciting, don't you think?_

_Have you nothing better to do than harangue me day and night?_

_Even if I did, why would I leave you in peace? Just like you, I've found a game and I want to see it through to the end._

_ What if I gave up,_ he asked slyly. _Would yours be over if I did?_ No answer. _Well- would it? Is that what you want?_

_ I told you before- you already know what I want._

Loki didn't. He really didn't- no matter how confidently that inner voice claimed he did. But he was seriously considering a more rapid game with Danethar if by the slightest chance that would end this madness. Maybe instead of a few months, they'd play for a few weeks. Loki could deal with the incessant chatter at least that long.

He read the message again, noting the time. Less than an hour before he was expected. The clothes he was wearing would never do, so he strode purposefully to his apartments to change. Small favor that no one- notably Thor- got in his way. In his current mood, Loki just couldn't deal with any added aggravation. He slammed the doors shut behind him in a show of temper, needing to siphon it off somehow. When he saw his mother, he needed to be in control.

In the inner sanctum of his bedroom, Loki stripped out of his tunic and trousers. Instead of leaving them lie on the floor where they'd fallen, he scooped up the discarded clothing and deposited them in a basket near the washroom. Normally he wouldn't have bothered. He decided not to ponder on the reason why he chose to do so today. Either way, his personal servants would see them cleaned and returned by tomorrow. Meanwhile, Loki's mind drifted to the morning's adventure with Lilith.

* * *

[Several Hours Earlier]

We left the house by way of the kitchen. Berda was scrubbing dishes in a deep sink over by the hearth. I could smell the tantalizing aroma of her special honey rolls baking. She thought I didn't notice, but I knew she only made them on days after Danethar had been especially difficult. She was a good woman, Berda.

"We're going out," I called over to her cheerfully.

"Out?" The cook half-turned from the sink to look at me. She saw my attire and her surprise faded. Berda knew as well as I did how Danethar felt about women wearing anything other than dresses. "Aye, I see. Best make it quick, though."

"No worries- this shouldn't take long."

With that, Ilsa and I continued on our way. Using a side alley, I led us out of one district and into another. The sun overhead felt nice as we wound through its narrow streets. I hadn't been outside since the day in the garden. Since becoming Danethar's wife, I truly missed being able to go out and explore the city. I just couldn't do that when I was constantly worried the wrong person might see me and report it back to him. So my time in the garden was all I could afford. That and rare trips like these. I made the most of them. But in no time, we'd arrived at our destination and it was time to say goodbye to the sun again. Ilsa glanced around us.

"I see why you weren't so concerned," she commented at last.

"Not exactly the shop you'd expect someone like me to frequent, I'm guessing."

"No, I wouldn't."

"They don't ask questions. That's all I care about, Ilsa. And all they care about is whether I can pay for the goods they sell."

I pushed open the door and stepped into the cramped artisan shop. Inside, my eyes had difficulty adjusting to the dim light. Which was probably why I nearly bumped into a looming tower of assorted clothes. At the last minute, I stopped short and rescued a shawl that threatened to slither to the floor.

"Haven't seen you in a while, miss," said a friendly female voice. "Four weeks, I think."

"Then I suppose I was about due to return. Anything new in stock this week?"

"A few things," Karin replied as she came out from behind the counter. "Let's see if I can find something to suit you. How many gowns are we looking for today?"

"Quite a few, actually. Most of the ones I bought last time have seen some wear and aren't really fit for company." _Or for anything more than dusting furniture as cleaning rags,_ I added silently.

"Not to worry. We'll get you set up in no time." She must have noticed Ilsa at that point. "Oh- I didn't see you had someone with you. A friend?"

_Better to tell you that than to say she's my servant,_ I reasoned. _ Better speak up before Ilsa does, though, or she'll give the game away._

"How thoughtless of me," I mused. "Yes, this is a friend of mine- Ilsa."

"Well, any friend of Renate is welcome here."

_Oh that's going to be awkward to explain later. _I had hoped to avoid the whole issue about the alias I used when out shopping in this neighborhood. So much for that. Ilsa flashed a sharp look in my direction, but said nothing. She seemed willing to play my game for now. Who knew what she'd say when we got back home, though. _One catastrophe at a time._

"I'm pleased to hear that," the maid said to the shopkeeper. "I've been asking Renate for weeks to show me where she buys her things."

The other woman beamed at us and toddled over to a rack of tastefully dyed dresses. As soon as her back was turned, I glared warningly at Ilsa to watch herself. Karin wasn't stupid. She'd notice something wasn't right if we weren't careful. Ilsa merely shrugged with a mischievous grin. Mid-step, I froze. Where had I seen that look before?

"Li-Renate?" Ilsa caught herself before giving away my real name. "Are you okay?"

Her question was low enough that Karin hadn't heard it, and I suspected she'd done that on purpose. At first I didn't answer, trying to recall why I felt a sense of déjà vu. A frown wrinkled my brow as I paged through a mental book of memories to find the answer. Something somewhere would spark my recollection. But just as I caught the edge of a faint memory, Karin returned with an armful of dresses for me to try on.

"Come, come, Renate- let's get you in the fitting room and see how these look. I doubt you have all day."

Still frowning slightly, I allowed myself to be led away by both women. Every so often, I saw Ilsa glance at me anxiously. I bet she knew something had changed, and probably was hoping the shopkeeper would distract me enough I'd forget all about that look. Well I'd be sure to do my best not to. A feeling gripped me- if I could figure out the answer to the question, I knew I'd be much closer to discovering exactly what Ilsa was up to.

* * *

[Return to the Present]

Loki ran long, slender fingers through his hair, trying to shake the feeling that he was losing control of his own game. All day he'd been prey to unpredictable moods and behavior. Well…more unpredictable than was typical for him. Like healing Lilith. Her death would have been inconvenient to him, but he could have found a way to make use of it. Any other time, he would have- and certainly had done it before. Many times. Loki still didn't understand why this time had turned out differently.

_Don't you?_

He refused to acknowledge he'd heard that remark, and opened a wardrobe to select clothes fitting for an audience with his mother. Not that his thoughts moved onto a more agreeable topic. They were still fixated on this morning. Loki didn't want to reflect on the sense of melancholy that had engulfed him after he'd left Lilith's room. Healing her injuries had been strange enough; feeling…well _anything_…afterwards was much more disturbing.

So he'd tried to purge himself of all that through music. Only that had made things worse still. And then Lilith actually _caught_ him. He didn't know how long she'd been watching him, but long enough to see a moment when he'd felt…vulnerable. Definitely wished she hadn't seen that, even if she only knew him as 'Ilsa'. She couldn't know that she'd been spying on the God of Mischief himself.

_Not yet- but you had another close call in the dressmaker shop, didn't you? Keep that up and she will._

Sadly, all too true. Loki hadn't been able to resist the urge to use that mischievous grin on her- even though he knew damn well it was beyond risky. Lilith had lived in the palace long enough before her marriage to Danethar. She would have seen him often enough to know some things about him, so why in the nine realms had he looked at her in _that_ way? Almost as if he _wanted _to be found out. And if the shopkeeper hadn't come back when she had, he feared Lilith would have. She still might.

He'd decided after that to find some excuse to keep away from Lilith for a few days. Maybe a whole week. He had work to do in the palace anyway, so he could use the break. So when they returned to the house, he made some excuse about not feeling well and hinted that it may be a few days before he returned. Lilith hadn't seemed to care either way. Or if she did, she was happy for the break from his company.

_Don't you mean from Ilsa? How can she want a break from you when it's the disguise she's spending her days with?_

_Disguise or not, it's still me_, he countered swiftly.

_Wasn't the point of a disguise to get close to people without being yourself? It's supposed to be a puppet acting a part- or have you forgotten the rules of your own game?_

Those last words shook him more than Loki wanted to admit; after all, they were true. Instead of assuming a new personality for Ilsa, he'd merely cloaked a female form over his own personality. And now it was too late to undo that error, or Lilith would suspect him all the more. How could everything have gone so wrong so quickly? No time to worry about that, though. It was time to see his mother.

_And that's one part of the game I don't intend to err in_, he assured himself in determination.

* * *

Frigga looked up from the book she'd been reading as a servant announced Loki's arrival. With a smile, she set it aside and stood up to welcome him.

"Well, I'm here, Mother," her son declared with a flourish. "As requested."

She knew better than to believe the almost jovial mood he chose to present to her. Frigga knew Loki better than anyone, and could tell he was far from happy. Although…she didn't think it had anything to do with coming to see her. Her son's turmoil seemed to stem from something else. Likely from the same secret that was troubling Heimdall. All the same, Loki was capable of turning it against her if she wasn't careful. So careful Frigga resolved to be.

"Come now, my son. You wouldn't begrudge me the occasional visit, would you?"

"Wouldn't dream of it," he drawled, choosing a seat for himself. "Though I am curious why today. Rather sudden notice, wasn't it?"

"Perhaps a little, but the next few days will be busy ones and I didn't want to wait for another opportunity."

_Fortunately, that's the truth._ Even Frigga couldn't deceive the God of Lies, mother or not. She resumed sitting and called for her attendants to leave the room. Loki watched them go in bemusement.

"Such secrecy. Should I be alarmed?"

"They have things to see to, so I let them go."

The two of them stared at one another for some time. Finally, he spoke.

"Well, you wanted to talk to me, but I sense you may be having second thoughts. Shall I go and come back in a few days when you've made up your mind, Mother?"

"No, I…" she tried not to be flustered. "I just wanted to know how you were getting along. I know it has only been a few months, but I was wondering…"

"Yes?"

"Wondering if you'd given thought as to what you'd like to do in Asgard."

"Somehow, I think if I answer that question how it was put, we'll both regret it one way or another. Best if I don't."

Yes, she knew exactly what answer he wanted to give, and it would do no good to hear it. She sighed.

"My son, you have so many talents- why can you not apply them in ways that avoid challenging your brother and father?"

"Because I'm smarter than either of them and could rule Asgard far better. Why content myself to be their lapdog? I'm not a servant to perform fancy tricks when it suits them."

The words were angry and bitter, but Frigga heard the pain Loki tried to hide behind them. She did not deny that he had one of the most brilliant minds in all of Asgard, though she wasn't sure she could go quite so far as to agree he was more intelligent than Odin. Of course it would hurt his pride to feel subservient to them. But Frigga also felt that ruling Asgard wasn't really what Loki wanted. He thrived on the challenge of planning a coup…but the day in and day out reality of ruling would bore him eventually. If he were to be truly happy, she felt he needed something that would hold his interest.

"I'm not suggesting you do anything of the kind," she argued quietly. "But I believe you could do great things here. I always have. Something somewhere that needs doing and would give you the opportunity to explore the full extent of your abilities."

His argumentative mood faltered and Loki drew in a long breath. Once he let it out again, he leaned forward in the chair, arms resting on his knees.

"I know you mean well, Mother, but I just don't think that idea is compatible with a peaceful relationship with Thor and the Allfather. You'll have to choose one or the other."

"I will not."

He shook his head ruefully. "Oh Mother, you love me the best of anyone- quite possibly are the only one who does at all. But you will have to choose, and I know what your decision will be."

"Please don't make me choose, my son. It would break my heart."

A beat of silence passed between them, and Frigga saw a struggle in his eyes. Then it was gone and his lips twitched in a wry smile as he settled back in the chair once more.

"Your note mentioned that you found my interest in gardening something you'd like to hear more about."

The abrupt topic shift was not lost on Frigga. Loki was trying to spare her the lie he would have given otherwise. In rare moments like this one, she felt that maybe he did care for others more than he let on. She wouldn't call it love- it just wasn't in his nature. But Frigga would take what he could give and let the subject go.

"I do, actually. I know your areas of study are wide, but you've never shown interest in them before."

"Perhaps it was spending so many months in the pit of the palace that inspired me to take advantage of the opportunity to walk among living things in the sunlight."

"Understandable," she replied, trying not to take the barb to heart. He knew she'd been against the decision, but couldn't do anything to prevent his imprisonment. "Is that it, then? No other reason?"

"Not especially."

This time he had most definitely lied to her. Frigga knew that Loki wouldn't spend so much effort on the gardens just to enjoy them for pleasure. No, he had some other purpose for being there, and he certainly wasn't interested in sharing it. She tried a tactic that might give her some clue what that purpose might be.

"So which garden were you studying today?"

"None of them, actually."

"Oh? Bored already?"

"No. Just felt like a break."

A tiny smile curved her lips as Frigga recalled Loki's study habits as a child. He'd go for weeks entirely devoted to a subject, then not touch it again for months as he worked on something else.

"Some things never change," she chuckled. "So what's your next area to study?"

Loki was thoughtful for several minutes, and she worried she'd pushed too quickly. He'd never tell her if he thought she were just trying to keep an eye on him, which was Thor's mistake in his approach with his brother. If he only showed more of an interest in Loki beyond the troublemaker side of him…things might be different. Might not. But it wouldn't hurt to try.

"I was thinking I should return to studying healing magic," he admitted at last.

"Now that's one I haven't heard you talk about in ages."

_Not since he was a very young man. Almost no more than a boy, really. Wonder why the interest now._

"So it would be about time to reassess my skills. No doubt new techniques have been developed since then."

"Were you thinking to work with the palace healers?"

"I hadn't thought of it," Loki replied. "But you may have a point. Studying theory is well and good; application has other advantages. I'll look into it."

Frigga tried not to think how many complaints she might receive once he took her suggestion to heart. She hoped not all of the resident healers would quit before the next day was out.

"Do try to be on your best behavior, my son," she reminded him gently. His only reply was to flash her a sly grin. Trying days were sure to be ahead.

All in all, they talked for nearly an hour. By the end of it, she felt no closer to discovering just what Heimdall might have wanted her to find. Frigga knew he was certainly up to something, though. Even the most casual inquiries about his day produced vague answers. Or very specific ones that still managed to tell her nothing. At least she was fairly certain Loki didn't suspect her true aim, either. It was hard to tell with him, but she hoped she was right.

Just before dinner, the conversation came to a natural breaking point. She thanked him for the pleasure of his visit, honestly glad that he came. Even if she hadn't found out anything about his current plans, she still enjoyed the time with him. Loki bowed politely and bid her farewell with all the grace of an Asgardian prince. For the thousandth time she couldn't help feeling that there had to be some place for him to fit in.

* * *

Once again dressed in a gown- courtesy of today's shopping trip- I sat at work in the parlor room, sewing. Truly, I detested the chore, but since I really didn't have much else to occupy my time, might as well try to fix the clothes Danethar had ripped up. Some of them might be wearable after a bit of mending. That is, if I didn't sew the sleeve closed by accident.

_Dammit, pay attention to what you're doing, _I cursed at myself.

The lamp next to me bathed the room in a soft yellow glow. Night had just fallen, and I'd have to give up soon. No sense ruining my eyes; the dresses would still be here tomorrow. And the day after…and so on. I lowered my hands to my lap and let out a slow breath to combat a sudden wave of despair that gripped me. Moments like that came and went, but I couldn't pay them any mind or I'd crumble. That's what Danethar wanted. I think he might leave me alone if I'd just admit he won and that I wasn't worthy of a warrior like him. Or of much of anything.

But I wouldn't. I wouldn't give him that power no matter what. Just like I wouldn't run back to the Allfather whimpering that I wasn't strong enough to face my fate. So I wasn't important enough to assume a role in the palace; I could at least do this. I wouldn't dishonor my people by reneging on an oath- even if I hadn't wanted to make it in the first place. Maybe that was worth something.

The room grew darker and I sighed. Time to put all this away and decide what to do. After the rude awakening Danethar had given me last night, I wasn't all that eager to go to sleep. But staring at an empty room didn't seem any more appealing.

"Your maid doesn't work many hours, wife," a sardonic voice sneered from the doorway.

My heart leapt in my throat. I'd been so lost in thought that I'd not heard him come in. With effort, I turned my gaze to Danethar and bowed my head respectfully.

"She took ill this afternoon. One of her brothers is sick and she thinks she may have caught it from him."

"Convenient, as it gives her an excuse to shirk her duties for half the day. I sure hope the Allfather isn't paying her much for her services." When I said nothing, he continued. "You ought to insist she stay in the room upstairs with Berda. Then we'd hear no more of this nonsense."

_More importantly for you, she'd be at your beck and call for night work_, I added darkly. I couldn't argue outright without setting off his temper again. And while my body may have healed- still wasn't sure _how_\- I didn't relish the thought of another beating.

"I shall speak of it with her when she has recovered, my Lord," I conceded.

He barely heard me, thoughts already moved onto another topic. I knew by the look in his eye what would come next. Dread filled me and I knotted my hands together to keep them from trembling. Danethar pointed at the floor in front of him.

"Come here."

With as much dignity as I could muster, I stood and crossed the room. I stopped exactly where he'd pointed and waited. He eyed me up and down, gaze openly lustful.

"My Lord…"

"I'll have you tonight, wife," he interrupted me. "As I'm not in the mood to find more suitable company."

How he loved to remind me how unworthy I was for a man like him. Not pretty enough or skillful enough for his tastes. But it never stopped him from taking his pleasure as often as he could. Tonight would be no different. I swallowed futile tears; Danethar would only make it worse if he saw them. Just let him take what he wanted and it would be over soon enough.

"Well- get going," he ordered sharply.

"Yes, my Lord."

I forced myself to walk by him and down the long hall to his bedroom. Every step felt like a lead weight in the pit of my stomach. I glanced at the door we passed, and dreamed of escape. The quickest way would be to throw myself from one of the balconies. But I couldn't. Wouldn't. I would submit as he wished and wake up tomorrow to do it all over again. We reached his bedroom and Danethar shoved me inside. I couldn't look at the bed or any of the furnishings, my eyes fixed on the window instead.

"Wife- face me."

I turned, slowly.

"Now take off that dress."

I almost would rather he did it. When he forced me to offer myself to him, the humiliation of it filled me with self-loathing. No doubt the bastard knew it, too. Biting my lip, I unbuttoned the gown and undid the laces. The material slipped to the floor. I stepped out of it and waited in my shift.

"All of it."

I complied, pulling the soft white linen over my head and dropping it on the discarded dress. Danethar merely watched, his eyes roaming over my naked body greedily. Maybe for other women whose husbands loved them, a look like that would stir feelings of desire; I only felt revulsion and shame.

"On the bed- on your back."

Silently, I obeyed. Danethar followed me, but stopped at the foot of the bed. As I lie on the sheets and stared at the ceiling, I waited for his next command. Even though I knew what it would be, I made him give it. A minute or two passed, as he expected me to just give in right away. After the past few months, I would think he'd learn better.

"Go on, you wench. Spread your legs. Spread 'em good and wide."

Not the most imaginative of orders he could give, but it was another way he knew he could debase me. No sooner had I done so did I hear the sound of rustling. I didn't take my eyes off the red plaster above my head, praying that he'd be quick tonight. A weight settled on the bed and I tried to keep breathing evenly. Danethar loomed over me, undressed from the waist down. As usual, he hadn't bothered to remove his shirt. Apparently, I wasn't worth the effort. He wrenched my jaw so I had to look directly at him.

"Don't think you can escape that easily. You'll look at me while I take what's my right."

And take he certainly did. Brutally. Thoroughly. I held out as long as I could before the pain was too much to bear.

"P-please…" I begged at last. "Please, my Lord, I…"

"You what, [Y/n]? Want me to stop? I'll stop when I'm good and ready, so quit your whining."

But even he had only so much endurance. I nearly wept with relief when he finished at last. Sated, he pulled away and I shuddered.

"Get out of my bed, slut. I'm through with you for tonight."

Not caring how much pain I'd cause myself, I quickly rolled away from him and got to my feet. Muscles protested and I nearly doubled over as they cramped. I didn't stop moving, though. Nor did I glance towards Danethar while I gathered my clothes and limped to the hall door. My hand was on the handle when he spoke again.

"You keep tonight in mind when you talk to that maid of yours about the room upstairs. Remember what's at stake if she doesn't see reason."

"Yes, my Lord," I whispered wearily, resting my forehead against the varnished wood.

"I told you to get out- so get going, you bitch. Before I change my mind and take you again."

I straightened and walked out, head held high until I made it across the hall and into my bedroom. Once inside, I collapsed into bed, curled into a ball and wept.


	10. Chapter 9: Healing Lessons

Morning came; it always did, though I often wished it wouldn't. To die in my sleep would be an escape, and one no one could fault me for. But the body lived on, and so here it was, another day. Overcast this morning. Perhaps Asgard would see rain today. I hoped not, although my garden could use it. Rain could bring Danethar home early.

_Does it really matter _when _he returns? Ilsa won't be here and it'll be last night all over again. What does an hour or two matter?_

Jaw trembling, I quailed at the realty of Danethar's threat. No doubt he meant to bed me every night until Ilsa moved in upstairs. He'd turned this into a game. A vicious one at that. And the next move was mine. Who would I sacrifice; myself…or Ilsa? No matter how I chose, Danethar would be the winner.

_Why didn't she just obey me that first day when I asked her to go?_

No point in asking why; she hadn't. And sooner or later I would have to make a choice. I only hoped when that day came I had the strength to make the right one. Until then, no use dwelling on it. I sighed and tossed the covers aside.

"Oh gods," I whispered in horror.

In the dark, I hadn't noticed the extent of my injuries- or the mess I'd made of the linens. Daylight revealed both in stark relief. Blood smeared across the sheets in varying shades of red. The largest pool centered where my hips had lain, and I worried that it had soaked all the way through to the mattress. If it did, I'd have to replace the whole thing to be rid of the stain. And as for myself…I most definitely needed to bathe. The sooner the better.

Ignoring the twinge I felt as I swung my legs over the side of the bed, I stood. The trickle from last night returned as soon as I was on my feet. Not as bad, but enough for me to notice it. Great. I hoped it was not a sign I was still bleeding. The sensation was still awkward as bedammed, and I shuffled uncomfortably to the bathing room as best I could.

Hot water poured out of the tub faucet as soon as I turned the handle. As it slowly filled, I tended to myself. Running a wide-tooth comb through my hair removed the majority of its tangles, bringing tears to my eyes as I pulled on a tender spot on my scalp. Likely where Danethar had grabbed me the other night. One of the few injuries of that night that still hurt.

_I still don't understand why I didn't have more._

The tub was full, so I shut off the faucet and stepped in- slowly. Heat from the water seeped into my skin, so intense that I nearly felt numb with it. Most people would find it uncomfortable, but not me. I rather enjoyed the sensation of scalding heat. Most days, anyway. As I sank deeper into the water, it stung especially painfully against my torn and bruised flesh. I inhaled sharply, but didn't stop. When I was completely submerged, I let out the breath I'd been holding. Gradually, the pain subsided. Numb, like everywhere else. Fabulous. I leaned back against the porcelain and closed my eyes to soak for a while. Steam curled up from the water surface and filled the room with the fragrant scent of my bath oils. Only after I'd spent ten minutes that way did I begin to relax.

Sadly, I couldn't lie in the tub forever. I opened my eyes with a sigh. Time to do what I came in here to do. Starting with my hair, I rubbed a generous measure of soap down to the roots. I was extremely careful around the spot that was still sore. Next, I reached for some soap and a wash cloth. Once it was lathered, I scrubbed my skin vigorously, hesitating only once. My teeth bit into my lower lip as I pressed the cloth between my legs. Good thing, too, since I probably would have screamed if I hadn't. If the water stung, the soap burned like fire. Molars gritted tightly, I finished as quickly as possible.

The wash cloth came away tinged red, as did the water in the tub. I tossed the cloth aside and plunged under the surface to rinse my hair. Or maybe just to avoid looking at the evidence of how badly I'd been hurt. Yeah, most likely that. I stayed down for a long while before coming up for air again. I knew I should really get on with my day. The water had begun to cool, anyway. Carefully, I stood and grabbed a nearby towel.

Dried and dressed, I went about the business of stripping the bed. Good news was the mattress was just fine. But Berda would have to wash the sheets immediately or the blood would stain. I wasn't sure they wouldn't even then. The wash cloth and towel were added to the pile. Might as well bring it all down at once. My arms were quite full by the time I'd gathered it all together. Hopefully, I wouldn't trip on the stairs; no way was I going to be able to see where I was going over all that.

I made it without mishap. Miracle of miracles. Berda must have heard me coming. She was already grabbing things from the top of the pile before I'd gotten both feet in the kitchen.

"You should have come down to get me," she scolded. "Lucky you didn't break your neck coming down those stairs carrying that load."

I gave her a small smile and shrugged.

"Didn't, so no need to lecture me."

She let out a disgruntled huff and took the remaining bundle from my arms. One of the sheets got tangled around my arm, and hung between us like a banner. A blood-streaked banner. Berda- who'd just been gearing up to chide me about the stairs- closed her mouth in a stubborn line. She raised her eyes to mine, obviously struggling to hold in tears. For a woman who pretended to be so gruff all the time, she really had a tender heart. Working in this house tested it sorely. When she could manage it, she spoke.

"How bad is it, Lady," she asked.

Not in the mood to fight about the title issue, I ignored it to say, "Don't worry. I'm fine."

"Any woman who bleeds this much is _not_ fine. How bad is it."

"Berda, please don't."

"You can't keep this up, Lady," she insisted despite my warning.

"We've been over this. I am wed to Danethar and there's no changing that fact."

"Divorce is no shame when you're being abused like this."

"I will seek no divorce."

"He'll kill you if you stay."

"It's my life, Berda. Let me choose how to live it."

She wanted to argue, but held back. We'd had this conversation before. Every now and then, the bleakness of the situation would drive her to speak up. But I always won, like I did today. Berda would reluctantly concede…until the next time. She blinked to clear the tears and shook her head at me.

"You're too good for him, Lady," she muttered and turned away. "I'll set this to soak. These stains should come out just fine."

"Thank you, Berda. I appreciate it. Now I'm going out for an hour, but I should be back before Danethar returns. If Ilsa should come looking for me…send her away."

"But…"

"Send her away," I repeated. "If she gets stubborn about it- you have my permission to chuck her out the door and lock it. It's important she not be here."

"If you wish."

"I do."

I grabbed a honey roll on my way out and headed back to the part of town I'd taken Ilsa to yesterday. I knew of a few healers in that district who- like Karin- didn't ask questions so long as I paid them up front. If I was going to face another night with Danethar, I needed some help. Maddie would know just the kind of help I needed But if I wanted to be back in time, I'd better hurry.

* * *

It felt strange not to be going to Danethar's house today. Loki had only been disguising himself as Lilith's maid for less than a week, but already the routine had become a familiar one. He hadn't expected to _miss_ working as a common servant.

_Well, I suppose I haven't really done any _work _these past few days_, he reasoned. _Lilith treats Ilsa more like a…_

The word 'friend' came to mind first. Loki nearly laughed at the idea. A friend indeed. He had no need for them, and Lilith would be the last person he'd choose if he did. She was too…he paused to think of a reason why she was unsuitable. None came to him. _She just isn't,_ Loki repeated, irritated with himself.

In any case, Lilith wasn't a friend, nor was 'Ilsa' hers. Lilith was a means to ruining Danethar's life, and Ilsa was…an illusion. A tool Loki used to pry information out of the woman. And when the game was over, she'd disappear as if she never existed. Lilith would likely forget her within a week or two. Maybe less. Loki was annoyed that thought bothered him. What did he care whether Lilith forgot Ilsa, anyway?

He waited for a snide remark from his constant internal companion. This was just the time it would rise from whatever dark corner it hid in to taunt him. To his immense surprise, only silence greeted him. Surprise, but not relief. How ironic that the absence of any remark made him more uneasy than if it _had _said something.

_This whole business is getting under my skin too much for comfort. I need to ignore the distractions- namely Lilith and that voice- and concentrate on Danethar._

Best way to do that was to lay more ground work here at the palace. His mother had given him an excellent place to start during their conversation yesterday. And fortunately, he would not need his disguise today. Or at least not at first. Once he was through with the healers, 'Ilsa' would return to execute the second half of his plan. He'd have the healers added as new pieces for his chessboard, all set for the next move in the game. The perfection of it all nearly brought a smile to his lips; Loki loved perfection.

It was still early yet, but healers were almost always in the infirmary to work with patients. Or to be available in the event of an emergency. For the most part, Asgardians had little use for healing. Unlike the weaker Midgardians, they were not prone to illness or disease. But accidents did occur from time to time. Loki hoped they had few of those to see to this morning. He arrived to find the wards quiet. Only a few patients occupied the sterilized beds, healers hovering nearby. They saw him and dropped to a respectful bow.

"Prince, we are honored to receive your visit," one of them said. "How may we be of service?"

The man sounded more frightened than honored. Typical response from most Asgardians. His reputation for mischief and terrorizing the city instilled them with a constant sense of apprehension. Loki had grown accustomed to it- had learned to embrace it, even. At times like this, though, he found their fear of him annoying. It hindered what he was trying to accomplish.

"I was hoping to brush up on my knowledge of healing practices. The Queen suggested I begin here."

Oh if his mother only saw the look on their faces when they heard _that_. The healers reminded him of stunned carp- mouths hanging open, eyes unblinking. None of them wanted to believe that he intended to stay long, much less that he wanted to _work _with them personally. Loki wanted to laugh it off, or at least approach the situation with his usual indifference. But instead, he felt…stung…by their rejection.

_Oh Hel, now what's wrong with me? Why do I care that these peons don't want to spend their precious time helping me learn what I want to know? It's no different from any other time I've asked for instruction and been met with reluctance._

_Except for one time, when a certain Lady offered to teach you about gardening if you wanted to learn._

The words were whispered in the back of his mind so softly that Loki almost hadn't heard them. He wished he hadn't. He didn't want to be reminded of Lilith right now, and certainly not memories like that one, which only served to exacerbate his already agitated state of mind. Snarling, he sought to quiet the voice with the only argument he could make.

_She was offering to teach Ilsa, not me._

_If you say so. Perhaps you should see if the God of Mischief would receive the same offer_, it suggested impishly.

_I'm not going to dignify that with a response._

_That's what I thought- you're too afraid to find out._

Loki nearly lost his temper, thoroughly incensed by the jibe. That was the second time he'd been called a coward. He wasn't sure what made him angrier- the insult itself or the fact that some facet of himself had made it. Or that he couldn't locate just where that facet was hiding so he could silence it for good. Meanwhile, the healers were still staring at him, shifting uncomfortably in the awkward silence. He gave up arguing with himself and refocused his attention.

"So- where shall we begin?"

The senior healer recovered first. He set aside the healing supplies he'd been holding and cleared his throat.

"Where would you like to start, Prince?"

He had a topic in mind. One that would fit perfectly with the act 'Ilsa' would put on later.

"You see injuries caused by combat, correct?"

"Yes, we do. We had a number of patients suffering from battle-related injuries after the skirmish with the Dark Elves."

"I'm guessing some of those were serious," Loki suggested in a thoughtful tone.

The three healers shared a nervous glance. What could they possibly find troubling about that question? At last, one of the others answered him with a timid nod.

"Yes, Prince. Some were quite severe."

"Excellent."

More nervous glances. The senior healer risked speaking up.

"Begging your pardon, but why is that 'excellent'? Lord Werden nearly died."

"But he didn't, am I correct?"

"Well, yes, but…"

"Well then you must have developed superior techniques to have kept him alive. That's exactly what I'm interested to learn."

Again with the glances; these were more confused than nervous. Loki was going to lose all patience with these people if they were going to hesitate over every little thing. He didn't have time to waste if he was going to accomplish anything useful today. His annoyance must have been plain.

"Of course- we'd be happy to demonstrate."

"Now we're getting somewhere. Although I'm curious how you'll demonstrate without a patient…"

"There's no need for one," Berath insisted quickly, as if he expected Loki would provide them with one himself. An interesting idea, but not what he'd had in mind.

"The technique we've developed can be adapted to non-life-threatening injuries. We can show you how they work on a patient who came in this morning with an ordinary wound. Typically, we would treat it with a slow-healing method but for the sake of demonstration, we will use the accelerated method."

"How convenient. Why would you choose a slower method in the first place? Seems inefficient."

At first, none of them answered. Loki got the feeling they were insulted, but couldn't tell him so. Well, wouldn't tell him. Loki sighed and crossed the room.

"Look, I'm only asking to understand how you do things, not to criticize."

"Oh…well, then. Follow us to Lord Fenner and we'll explain the difference. You'll get a better idea if you see it in person."

The four of them gathered around the bed of a young warrior, who did not look easy about having Loki take an interest in him.

_Things were so much easier to accomplish when I was 'Ilsa',_ he mused. _No one worried what she might want to do with the information she asked for._

"You can see the slice received by the patient. The result of a careless maneuver during training this morning," the healer said while giving Lord Fenner a stern look. "Which he will avoid repeating in the future."

"Yes, sir," the boy mumbled.

"For the traditional method, we suture the wound with sterilized thread- usually something strong and durable to withstand the tension required to keep it closed. Healing salves and other medicines are spread over the seam and the whole wound is bandaged. It will take anywhere from a few days to a few weeks to heal, depending on the seriousness of the injury. Once the flesh has knit together, the stitches are removed."

Loki examined the boy's arm, which had been treated as the healer described. As he did so, he posed his original question again.

"And what is the advantage to this method?"

"It allows the body to heal naturally and gradually. The result is a strong reconnection of the tissues. Most patients heal completely afterwards with no adverse effects such as muscle weakness, impaired functionality or permanent scarring."

"I see." Made sense to him. More than he expected.

"If you'll step back, Prince, we'll demonstrate the accelerated healing technique."

"By all means."

They stripped away the bandages and medicines. Lord Fenner watched them with reluctant apprehension, for which Loki couldn't blame him. He'd already endured one healing procedure, and to have another didn't seem fair from the boy's point of view. The experience would be good for him, Thor would say. Would toughen him up. With all the original materials removed- stitches included- the gash began to spread apart again. Fenner gritted his teeth while Berath laid his hands on either side of the wound. At this point, one of the junior healers took over the narration of what was happening.

"An accelerated healing requires extensive knowledge of the body and channeling power," she explained. "Only the senior healers here at the palace are authorized to perform them, and only with extreme caution."

"I take it that the process is dangerous."

"Very. An inexperienced healer can do more damage to the patient than the initial wound, often causing permanent injury or even death."

Berath concentrated intently on his work, and Loki saw the torn flesh begin to knit together. The deeper tissues closed first, gradually forming solid, smooth muscle. Next, layers of fat and skin drew together until only a pale white line remained. The healer slumped wearily and removed his hands. Fenner, meanwhile, stared at his arm like he'd never seen one before.

"Very impressive," Loki murmured. "Good as new, it would seem."

"Looks can be deceiving, Prince," the man replied grimly. "The flesh has knit together, but it is far from whole. It will be weak for the next few days until the body finishes the healing process."

"So there's a price for skipping the steps of a natural healing."

"Yes. If the patient strains the injured area before it had fully healed, the binding will unravel and the wound will reopen. In severe injuries, the patient could die before a healer could repair the damage."

"What about long-term effects?"

"As long as the patient obeys strict rules from the healer, none. But as all signs of injury are gone, you can see how difficult it might be for the patient to remember to be careful once it's done."

"Indeed." Loki flashed a smile at the trio of healers. "Well, this has been most instructive. I thank you for your assistance."

"Our pleasure, Prince. Is there anything else you wanted to see?"

"Why yes, actually. What course of action would you recommend to learn this technique? I imagine you have resources to assist with such an undertaking."

They paled.

"You want to learn to do this yourself?"

_Actually, I already know how it's done. But asking gives me the chance to judge how you'll react when 'Ilsa' comes for her visit._

"I find the subject fascinating. And what could be better use to my brother and father than for me to have this skill?"

"Of course, Prince. We'll need a day to gather the materials. If you would be amenable to returning tomorrow morning…"

"Excellent. I will be here after breakfast."

They mumbled a suitable reply and bowed as Loki took his leave. _Until tomorrow morning, my new pawns,_ he thought with a smile. _Try not to look so distressed or you'll alarm your patients for the rest of the day._

* * *

I ducked into the half-hidden doorway, hoping no one saw me. Inside, the smells of healing salves and medicines were so potent that my eyes watered.

"Renate," said a voice off to my left.

I turned to see Maddie, elbow deep in a mixture of herbs and who knew what else. She bent her head to her work and continued talking.

"You're back again, huh?"

"Yes, back again."

"Out of the supplies I gave you already?"

"No, those are holding fine."

"And the contraceptives?"

I considered for a moment. If Danethar was going to keep up like last night…

"I could use some more," I admitted. "Although that's not why I came."

"Mmhmm," Maddie said. She pulled her hands out of the mixture and wiped them on a towel. Now she was looking right at me. "So what did you come for?"

"Healing, for one. And whatever you may have to prevent a repeat of the same injury as best as you can."

The look in her eyes was sharp. I merely waited as she considered my request, although I knew Maddie wouldn't refuse me. She made a decent living from women who were in similar situations and couldn't afford to turn down a paying customer. Still, I could see she wasn't thrilled by the whole business. Not my problem.

"All right," she said at last. "Come on to the back and I'll have a look at you. We'll see what I can do."

I followed her to the smaller examination room in the rear of her shop. Despite the rundown appearance of the building and neighborhood, Maddie kept it very clean and organized. She prided herself on her skills as a healer- regardless of what sort of healing she may have to perform. I'd come to her not long after the wedding to Danethar at Berda's recommendation. When things got truly bad, I came back.

"Off with the gown," she remarked dispassionately. "And up on the table."

I shrugged out of the clothes and did as she asked. Maddie didn't waste time on idle pleasantries or chit chat. Not that she was intentionally cruel or indifferent; she knew most of us didn't have time to spare for it. I leaned back on the padded table and allowed her to examine me.

"Gods of the Allfather," she muttered. "He really made a mess of you this time."

"I know."

"You should take a break for a few days to let this heal properly." When I said nothing, she stilled. "Or is that not an option?"

"My husband is quite insistent."

"I see…well, I can fix this quick. Hold onto your wits- this will not be pleasant for a few minutes."

Boy was she right. I clenched my jaw tightly as she performed the healing. At least I'd experienced one like this before, so I knew what to expect. Still, it felt strange as she channeled power into my body and forced it to mend. When Maddie finished, most of the pain had already subsided. I hopped down from the table and got into my clothes. Maddie watched me, a curious expression on her face.

"What," I asked her finally.

"Seems I'm not the only healer to work on you lately," she replied in a bemused tone.

"What do you mean?"

"I felt it when I was channeling. Someone else has done the same thing- recently, too, by my recollection. You testing out another healer, Renate?"

"No," I assured her in confusion. "I haven't been to anyone since…"

"Since?"

I folded my arms and frowned; Maddie only waited.

"Okay, this is going to sound crazy, but here's the thing. So a few nights ago, Dane…" I swallowed back the rest of his name. "My husband…came home in a rage. As usual, I took the brunt of his temper."

"Aye, I'm guessing he beat you again."

"Yeah. And sometime during all that I blacked out on the floor. The next day, though, I wake up and I'm in bed. What was weirder than that was I had almost no injuries to show for the beating. Almost nothing except some superficial bruising and cuts. I've been trying to puzzle out how that's possible ever since."

She considered my story and must have decided I was telling the truth.

"Might be your husband brought in a healer to fix you up after he was done. Especially if he got too carried away."

"I don't think he would…" I began to argue, then stopped.

I knew Danethar wouldn't have bothered to fetch a healer, even if he thought he'd beaten me to the point of death. Berda would have, if she knew how bad it was. But I'd instructed her never to enter my room- or Danethar's- so she wouldn't have known I needed a healer. Ilsa? Maybe she got someone to do it. No, I didn't think she would have brought a stranger into the house. Meaning I had only one logical conclusion to draw; she'd done the healing herself. And that was definitely not something I could tell Maddie.

"But I guess he must have," I concluded at last.

"Well if that's the case, you need to be really careful, Renate. At this point, there's not much holding you together. One wrong move and those injuries could rend again. I suspect they were pretty severe in the first place."

"I'll be careful, I promise."

"I'll believe that when I see it. But that's your business. Let's see about getting you something will help if that brute of yours insists on bedding you again in the next few days. Then I'll have you on your way."

"Thanks, Maddie. You're a lifesaver."

Her expression turned grim and sad at my words.

"That's nice of you to say, my dear, but I'm just a mender of broken and abused toys. I very much doubt I'm saving anything."

* * *

Loki made an appearance at the noon-day meal to satisfy his brother's need to keep an eye on him. During the whole affair, he spent most of his attention discussing this morning's visit to the infirmary with his mother. She was again very interested in what he was up to. And again, Loki couldn't help wondering why. But the meal ended without incident and he was free to enact the next phase of today's plan. He dispatched a decoy of himself to the library to study medical treatises- just in case Thor were to spy on him again- while he transformed into 'Ilsa' and headed for the infirmary. Berath was still present with his two assistant healers when he entered the room. So were most of the patients- including the young Lord Fenner.

"May we help you, miss," offered one of the junior healers.

Loki pretended to be nervous about being there, darting his eyes around. All part of his game, and it worked. The female healer came forward to his side almost immediately.

"Come now, you'll be fine. There's no reason to be afraid here."

"I…I…" he stuttered.

"Deep breath," the woman instructed gently. "Relax."

He obeyed her and feigned that it helped him to become calm.

"Good. Now, my name is Julia- what's yours?"

"Ilsa, my Lady."

"You may call me Julia. What can I do for you, Ilsa? Are you hurt?"

"Hurt," he repeated as if confused. "Oh…no. I didn't come for me. I came because I had questions for…" he glanced nervously at the other healers and especially at Fenner. "A friend."

The subterfuge worked as he'd expected. Julia noticed immediately that he was worried about the men in the room.

"Would you feel more comfortable talking about it if we were alone?"

"Maybe."

"Okay, let's you and me take a walk to one of the private rooms."

They passed the other two healers, who eyed him with concern, but made no move to approach. Loki suppressed a smile as Julia ushered him into a smaller room near the far end of the ward. How willing they were to help him when he appeared to be this mouse of a woman. So easy to bait a trap in this form.

"Please have a seat, Ilsa."

He sat, perching on the edge of the chair and fidgeting with his hands.

"Thanks for seeing me."

"Not at all. So what's troubling your friend, Ilsa?"

"She won't tell me, exactly," he began slowly as if he wasn't quite sure he trusted her. "But the past few months I've been noticing that she been walking stiff-like. And when she thinks I'm not looking, she's pressing an arm against her side, or…" he trailed off and looked at the ceiling.

"What do you think is paining her?"

"You won't tell…them," he glanced at the door.

"I won't if you don't want me to."

Loki knew she was lying. Julia would say anything to get 'Ilsa' to spill out the secrets about this mysterious friend. Unlike him, though, she had some misguided excuse that she was only doing it so she could protect a potential patient. Didn't matter to him if she had good intentions or not. Loki would take help in any form it appeared. He took a breath and let it out, building suspense.

"She said something about this man she started seeing about the same time all this began. I think he's been giving her a rough time…if you know what I mean."

Oh she knew _exactly_ what 'Ilsa' meant. Julia's eyes darkened in anger, but she kept her voice calm when she asked her next question.

"What's your friend's name, Ilsa? Is she working here in the palace?"

He shook his head slowly.

"She works in the city someplace. Wouldn't say where. I- I think she doesn't want me to know so I can't tell anyone."

"Can you give me her name?"

Fortunately, Lilith had provided him with the perfect one just yesterday- that alias mentioned by the dressmaker. Loki suspected Lilith used the same one for all her excursions in to the city, trying to hide her true identity. So if Julia started asking questions in the city…Loki already had a trail of bread crumbs for her to follow. At least some part of his game was proving easier than expected. He lowered his eyes to his lap and whispered the name.

"Renate."

"Would you think Renate would come here for an examination, Ilsa?"

"No…oh not at all. She'd be furious if she knew _I_ came here."

"So why did you come?"

"I want to know how to help her. I am good at learning things and I thought if I couldn't get _her_ to come to a healer, then I could bring some healing to _her_."

"I'm not sure it's wise to practice healing without proper training," Julia hedged. But Loki could already see her wavering. She'd do it, even though she knew she probably shouldn't.

"Can't you show me something simple? Anything at all just so she's not feeling so bad all the time would help."

The healer sighed, and her eyes shifted to the door.

"All right, but only some very basic things. And you're not to tell anyone I showed you, all right?"

"I won't."

"Okay. We'll start with bruising…"


	11. Chapter 10: Uninvited Reunions

Five days. Five agonizing, soul-killing days had gone by since Ilsa had left here feeling unwell. Five nights in Danethar's bed, trying to hold onto what was left of my sanity as he found ever more inventive ways to take his pleasure. In that activity, he seemed to make an effort to expand his limited capacity for imagination. Would that he didn't, or perhaps the nights would have passed more easily for me. Sadly, the medicines and other items I'd bought from Maddie weren't quite enough to do more than keep my injuries from getting worse. I'd had to go back to her yesterday for another healing; she told me that she could not do it again for at least another week, and that I would have to make do with her natural remedies in the meantime.

But the physical pain was the least of my worries. His constant abuse was beginning to take a toll on me, mentally. Even in the few weeks after we were married Danethar hadn't bedded me this often, preferring to go back to any one of his many mistresses to slake his appetites. And it wasn't just at night now; he would come home unexpectedly in the middle of the day. I had no respite from him or the memories anymore. They were too numerous now to fit in that box deep in the buried corner of my mind. I ate very little and slept even less. Shadows caused me to jump and I caught myself crying when no one was around. This couldn't go on.

Bathing was the only part of my day I could enjoy. For a few short hours afterwards, I almost felt clean again. So when I woke, I spent a half hour in the tub, scrubbing and soaking away Danethar's touch. Which was what I was doing right now. Well, not just yet. Right this moment I was just drifting in the steaming water with my eyes closed, trying _not_ to think about anything. The not thinking part wasn't going so well.

With a dispirited sigh, I groped blindly for the soap and wash cloth. If I didn't open my eyes, I didn't have to see my body- the living battlefield, as I'd come to think of it. I ran the cloth over my arms, trying not to picture the rope burns that seemed permanently etched in my wrists. Or the mauve bruises on my thighs and backside. Or the hand-shaped red marks around my neck. Failed again- I saw them just as clearly on the backs of my eyelids as if I'd been looking in a mirror.

I eased the wash cloth lower, down over my belly and the inner crease of my right thigh. Already it burned, and my breath hissed inward like a serpent. No matter how much this hurt, I had to clean out the wounds or they would become infected. The sting of soap was far less painful, I reminded myself as my hand stretched lower. A reminder helped, but I still caught myself half-whimpering through my teeth as the rough material grazed torn skin. My left hand gripped the edge of the tub so tightly that the tips of my fingers were numb.

And then it was over. I slumped backwards and withdrew the rag from between my legs. It struck the tiled floor with a wet slap as I dropped it over the edge. Eyes still closed, I bent my knees and slid underwater. Ten…twenty…thirty seconds passed and I still didn't resurface. Forty…fifty…how long could I hold my breath? The searing hot water pressed in on my eyes, nose and mouth, trying to win this battle; I was awfully tempted to let it. Wouldn't of course, but tempted, nonetheless. A faint noise from above penetrated my awareness, although I couldn't make out what it was. Reluctantly, I emerged into the open air.

"Lilith!" cried an almost frantic female voice.

I opened my eyes and pawed away the mass of sodden hair blocking my view of the room. That difficult task finished, I swept my gaze over the room and confirmed I was no longer alone. Its newest- and unexpected- occupant crouched on the other side of the tub, distress evident. I managed to overcome my initial disorientation just enough to get one word out.

"Ilsa?"

"Yes it's Ilsa- who the Hel else do you think would barge in here," she snapped at me. "What were you doing, trying to drown yourself!?"

I almost said yes. Some mean-spirited part of me wanted to wound the woman in any way I could. After all, she was the one who started this. But I held back the impulse when I realized Ilsa was really and truly shaken. She thought I'd almost tried to kill myself, and probably would have fished me out if I'd stayed down any longer.

_Thank the gods I heard her when I did._

I scrubbed both hands over my face and sighed heavily.

"No, Ilsa, I was not trying to drown myself. Believe me, I were looking for a way to die, _this_ is not the method I would choose for it."

Some of the panic left the woman's face, and she considered me studiously.

"You've thought about it."

"Of course I've thought about it," I retorted, tone clipped. "Any sane person faced with this mess of a life would think about it at least once or twice. Now clear out so I can dry off and get dressed."

* * *

For several seconds…or maybe minutes, Loki was rooted to the spot, unable to make himself move. He was still caught in a maelstrom of emotions thundering through him. When he'd gotten impatient waiting for Lilith to finish, he'd had no idea what he was going to witness by coming in here. Loki's eyes were drawn to the blood-stained wash cloth near his feet as he replayed the uncomfortable image of Lilith's agony as she used it to cleanse her body. He hadn't been prepared for it- or the pain-filled sounds she'd made- and might never get either out of his mind. Was this what Berda meant by 'take care of herself'?

Anger had flashed through him, bright like the reflective edge of a honed sword. It hit Loki so fast that he didn't have time to grasp why he was reacting so strongly, or how to stop it. Behind anger, guilt and…grief…cut through him. He shrank away from both of those, afraid of what they might tell him. Or worse, what the voice might say about them. But then Lilith had gone under for so long, and he was confronted by a fear much greater. Terror had propelled him across the room as it looked as though Lilith would not resurface, and he'd nearly dragged her out of the water himself.

Loki didn't like feeling so out of control; he liked it even less that Lilith was at the heart of what was causing him to lose it. He was a god- the most clever and intelligent god of Asgard. Too intelligent to be tangled up by sentiment or emotions, which were weaknesses only fools like his brother indulged in. He was rational. Methodical. _Not_ emotional.

_I am not susceptible like those weak-willed Asgardians_, he avowed fervently to himself. The words rang hollow, even to his own ears.

"Ilsa, I promise I'm not going to drown myself," Lilith repeated somewhat irritably. "You don't have to stay here to make sure."

Thankfully, she'd misinterpreted the reason for his hesitation. Loki was pathetically grateful that she hadn't sensed anything more than that. If she knew the havoc going on inside him, she might actually win their game.

_And what game is that? I thought you weren't going to play with Lilith until after you were through with Danethar. Better make up your mind._

_Not now_, Loki begged. _Please not now. I can't deal with anything more._

_You'll tell me what I want to know when you're ready. Until then, I'm not going anywhere_.

Too many things pulled at him. From inside; from without. What had begun as a simple game to pass the time had spiraled down into a much deeper intrigue that threatened to consume him right alongside his playing pieces. And now that he was in it, Loki wasn't sure how to get out. If he could even get out. He could only take one course of action…dive deeper into the game and stall for time until he could see a way through. So what was his next move?

Loki glanced at Lilith, whose expression could be described as politely irked. Although the 'polite' part was rapidly waning the longer he remained. He'd better do as she asked and go before she worked herself into a full temper.

"All right- I'll just be in the other room," he assured her as he stood.

"Music room or garden. Pick one and I'll meet you there."

"You might need help…"

"I've been dressing myself for a very long time now. I think I can manage."

Loki said nothing and walked out of the room. Kept on walking until he reached the garden. He needed to be outside- get into the open air where maybe he could think. Besides, he had a feeling music wasn't going to do either of them any good today. While he waited for Lilith to join him, Loki studied the various flower beds to see what she'd been up to while he'd been away. Not much, if his eyes weren't deceiving him. Several areas were already overrun by the spiky plant she'd shown him before. Strange that Lilith would have allowed things to deteriorate so severely. Alarming, too, since it begged the question how long it had been since she'd come out here- and why.

"I guess you can see that I've fallen behind a little," Lilith admitted ruefully from her vantage point near the doorway. "And you can see what I mean about the Distar plant."

"It seems to have run completely wild in a very short time," he replied with a quick glance behind him.

Lilith wore one of the dresses she'd bought the last time he saw her. Red. An all too common color in this house, and this morning in particular. He supposed she must have picked it to hide the bruises around her throat with its higher neckline. A futile effort, really, since they both knew the marks were there. She stepped further into the garden, but didn't join him. Loki sensed Lilith was about to say something, and he was pretty sure he wasn't going to like it.

"You need to leave and never come back, Ilsa."

"I've heard this speech before, so what makes you think I'll heed it this time?"

Her eyes closed briefly and she exhaled. When Lilith reopened them, Loki saw a mix of determination and fear lurking in their blue depths.

"Because this is the last time I can promise I'll give it."

"I don't recall asking you to."

"Don't you get it!?" she exploded in frustration, clenching her fists at her sides. "He'll be back in a few hours and he's determined to have you- willing or not. If you're still here…Ilsa, you don't want to experience that. Danethar has had five days to hone his appetite. He will be thorough. He will be brutal. The only way you'll escape is by doing as I say. So for the last time- go away and never return to this house."

_She'll sacrifice herself in my place_, he realized.

Even though she didn't overly like 'Ilsa' most of the time- or even trust her- Lilith would submit to Danethar's abuse on her behalf. Just as she had been doing over the past few days, he suspected. No doubt the warrior had demanded 'Ilsa's' return days ago, and had satisfied his unfulfilled desires with Lilith when she refused to get her maid back. And once he found out she'd turned 'Ilsa' away, Danethar's abuse would only intensify.

Loki couldn't understand why she was willing to endure it. He should be annoyed that she was once again trying to thwart his plans, but he wasn't. He was…ashamed. An entirely new feeling for him, and an unpleasant one. He could not allow Lilith to hold him hostage this way. Couldn't let her get the upper hand in the game.

"No," he refused quietly.

"Why are you determined to do this to me?"

"Do what? If I go, he'll take it out on you, right? So what am I doing wrong by staying?"

"He's going to take it out on me either way. At least if you go I can't pretend that there's a way out of this for me at your expense. But every time you refuse to leave, you make it harder not to fall into the temptation to believe that lie. This is the last chance either of us have before it's too late."

So, the Lady's motives weren't entirely altruistic. Loki was almost relieved to discover that Lilith was capable of having selfish impulses. And while he couldn't quite empathize with her apparent crisis over whether to use 'Ilsa' to distract Danethar, he could appreciate her desire to do so. After all, he'd done similar things many times for far less…personal…reasons. Maybe if Lilith listened to those impulses a bit more, she wouldn't have ended up with Danethar. Or could have found a way to be rid of the idiot permanently by now. He decided to take advantage of the opportunity she'd given him.

"What if it wasn't a lie, though? What if it worked?"

"I can't let you do it, Ilsa."

"Why not?"

She gaped at him, as if he'd uttered the most absurd thing she'd ever heard.

"For starters, unless what you told me before was a lie you haven't been with a man. Danethar is not the one you want to start with under any circumstances. And even if you were lying- I guarantee you will find only pain if you submit to him."

"You think I don't know that? I saw what he's done to you."

"You wouldn't have if you weren't prone to sneaking into rooms where you aren't invited," she pointed out. "But since you did- yeah, I'm sure you saw enough to know what he's capable of doing to a woman in bed. He won't be any kinder if you offer yourself willingly, if that's what you were thinking. So don't. You don't have to feel like you can't say no."

Anger spiked again, and Loki glared at her.

"Unlike you, you mean," he threw back at her. "Just because you're married to Danethar doesn't mean you don't have the right to say no. You were supposed to be his wife, not his slave."

"I fail to see the difference, Ilsa."

Of course she didn't. Danethar certainly treated her like his slave- worse, actually, since most masters had _paid_ for a slave and had a monetary interest in keeping them healthy and sound. The more he considered the situation, Loki realized that the warrior wasn't the only one to send Lilith the message. Even the Allfather had told her as much, dictating that she would belong to Danethar whether she wished it or not. As if she'd been his property to turn over to someone else. Between the two of them, they'd actually convinced Lilith she had no right to complain or resist such treatment, and that infuriated him for some reason. So he considered how, as 'Ilsa', he might strike back at them. Or at least Danethar.

_Never pictured you as one to seek revenge for someone else,_ whispered the voice. _Isn't that out of character for you?_

It was. Very out of character. Loki was no stranger to waging revenge, but usually for himself; injustices against others didn't concern him. Before he explored this course of action further, he ought to examine why this particular injustice bothered him enough to do anything. A logical reaction, and one more typical for him. But he hesitated, gripped by a sudden feeling of wariness. Loki wasn't sure if he really wanted to know the truth; lies suited him better, anyway. It sufficed to believe he was doing this to explore new ways of making Danethar suffer. Nothing to do with Lilith.

_Have it your way, but lies won't last. One day, you'll have to answer the question._

Not today, and that's all Loki cared about. He brushed a speck of nonexistent dirt from 'Ilsa's' skirt and stared directly at Lilith.

"I'm staying."

"Then don't cry to me when it's done, because you won't get any sympathy."

_Liar_, he thought. She _would_ comfort 'Ilsa' despite her present stubbornness, even if it meant Danethar would beat her for it later.

"Don't worry, Lilith, I won't ask for it."

* * *

**_Author's Note: The events in the short story "The Limits of Genius" take place between these two sections_**

* * *

Thor was finished with training the warriors for the morning. The men under his command had improved in technique since their last major battle, which was his aim in insisting that they practice. Even in times of relative peace, one could never be sure when the next invasion attempt might begin. They should always be ready to defend Asgard.

_That and it gives them less time to get into trouble._

This afternoon, his father wanted the whole assembly gathered at the palace for a formal speech. Thor had spoken to him about what he'd learned during his last conversation with Danethar. And after discussing the matter with his closest advisors, the Allfather decided that he needed to readdress his edict about servant to noble relationships. Not a moment too soon, in his opinion. Despite a slackening of the rumors of abuse and the like, stories of liaisons lingered.

Thor eyed Danethar and his two constant companions, Eckert and Willem. The trio were laughing raucously over some jest that he couldn't quite make out. Over the past week, he'd kept closer watch on them- Danethar in particular. In fact, he'd tasked a page to follow the warrior during the mid-day break and in the evenings to see if he was still bedding servants, despite having a wife. The past five days the reports came back the same; Danethar went home.

So why was he still uneasy about the man? Perhaps if he visited Lilith himself, he would see all was well. Thor decided there was no time like the present, and strode over to the group. Danethar's look was borderline hostile, but he supposed the warrior was still annoyed about their last conversation.

"Is there something we can help you with, Odinson," asked Eckert.

"There is," Thor agreed with a nod to Danethar. "I've a wish to see my cousin today, so I will be accompanying you to your home, Lord Danethar."

For the briefest of moments, the man showed alarm. It quickly faded into one of irritation.

"Must it be today? I could just as easily bring her to the next feast. I've already said I would, haven't I?"

"The next feast is a week hence and I wish to see her now. Is this a problem, Danethar?"

"No, of course not."

_Even _I _can tell that's a lie; I don't need my brother's skills to tell me that much. So why is he so put out about my request?_ Thor pretended he hadn't heard the lie behind the warrior's answer.

"Excellent. Why don't we go now? I want to be sure we're back in time for the Allfather's announcement this afternoon."

"Yes, Odinson, I wouldn't dream of missing it."

Sarcasm this time. Thor was truly beginning to lose patience with the man. But he said nothing, holding in his temper as they crossed the training grounds and headed for Danethar's house. The warrior was equally silent, which made for an awkward journey- though thankfully not an overly long one. They entered through the kitchen door to find Danethar's cook finishing the mid-day meal. She dropped what she'd been doing and curtsied low once she saw Thor.

"My Prince, we're honored to have you here. May I offer you anything?"

"I thank you, good woman, but I am not hungry or thirsty."

"Where's my wife," Danethar snapped irritably. Thor saw a look of pure hatred flash in the cook's eyes.

_That doesn't bode well. Even his own servant finds him repulsive._

"I believe she's in the garden today, my Lord."

"She's always playing around with flowers and the like," he remarked derisively. "Womanly pursuits seem to have no purpose at all."

Thor said nothing, but the man could tell he was not amused by his comment. Amusement spoiled, the warrior's mood darkened once more.

"Well come on, then. Let's get this over with."

Danethar led the way up the stairs and down the hall. As he followed behind, Thor realized that he'd never been in this home before. He hadn't realized just how grand it was compared to those belonging to other warriors of Danethar's rank. He suspected the difference had more to do with his cousin's status than his. The Allfather would have made sure that kin of his line, no matter how distant, were well taken care of. Danethar should be grateful to enjoy such an elevated lifestyle; Thor could tell from the way he strutted around that he felt he was owed all this. His dislike for the man grew stronger.

They came to a doorway leading outside, where he could hear voices. Thor stepped into a walled garden and sought out his cousin. Two women were kneeling side by side on the opposite site of the space, their backs to him. The one on the right must be Lilith, since the one of the left had hair too dark to belong to her. He cleared his throat and their conversation halted abruptly. Before he could speak, Danethar took the opportunity to comment.

"Well, well, it appears that your absent maid has finally returned, Lilith."

Both women turned around to face them. He got the impression that neither of them were pleased by the interruption, but were doing their best not to show it. But when they saw him they sank into curtsies, just as the cook had done. Neither made any attempt to come closer, nor did Lilith respond to Danethar's odd remark. Thor could feel the tension building in the garden, but could see no cause for it. Unless his suspicions about the warrior were true.

_Don't let your imagination get ahead of you. Remember what Loki said the other day- it's possible I want to see things that aren't true based on my own personal opinion of Danethar._

"Cousin," he called out heartily. "It's been too long since I'd seen you at the palace and I decided to drop by for a visit."

After a moment's pause, Lilith seemed to come to life with a slight shake. She stepped away from the woman next to her- another servant if he'd heard right and approached him. How on earth Danethar afforded to pay two salaries on his income was a mystery. Maybe Lilith had made arrangements for a maid herself.

"How kind of you to think of me," she said with a faint smile. "I suppose it has been a few months, but surely you didn't need to come all the way down here from the palace. I thought next week the Allfather was holding a banquet- you would have seen me then."

The same words Danethar had used. Thor couldn't quite dismiss it as pure coincidence. It all felt too…rehearsed. The maid seemed to agree with him, judging by the shrewd look she directed at Lilith and the warrior. Perhaps when he'd finished this visit, he'd find a way to speak to the woman as well. For now, Thor ignored those thoughts and concentrated on his cousin.

"Ah well, I suppose it can't hurt to have an extra visit."

* * *

_Yes, it damn well could_, I replied silently.

Today was just _not _going well for me. First Ilsa appears in my bathing room after I'd almost convinced myself that she was never coming back. Then we had that argument here in the garden, which I had somehow managed to _lose_. And now Thor just _happens _to drop in for a family visit. I could already see in Danethar's eyes that I was going to pay for it in some way, if only because this visit meant he lost an opportunity to bed me this afternoon. Although, as his gaze shifted behind me to Ilsa, I suspected that may now be her problem instead of mine. All too soon, my fears were confirmed.

"Ilsa, why don't we leave these two in privacy and see to a few things inside?"

I waited to hear what she would say and tried not to let my anxiety show; I was fairly certain I failed. But Ilsa walked past me, unconcerned, to join Danethar at the door. She caught my eye briefly and winked- as if this were all just a joke to her. The naïve fool. She was no match for him, no matter how clever she pretended to be. I could do nothing as he ushered her inside.

_You don't know what you're doing, Ilsa._

"Cousin, are you well?"

Meanwhile…I guess I had my own trouble to handle. For whatever reason unknown to me, Thor had taken an interest in my situation. He hadn't looked at me more than a handful of times in the past decade, so why was he so interested now? I resolved to do my best to convince him that nothing here required his attention.

"Never better," I lied with a smile. "How goes the world up in the palace?"

"Well enough, I suppose. Training, meetings with the Allfather- keeping an eye on my brother."

"Yes, I remember he was present for the feast before the wedding. That must be a challenge to keep him in line."

"Yes…and no. Loki has been relatively quiet over the past few months."

"That worries you," I prompted. If I got him talking, he couldn't ask me questions.

"It's easier to have a plan of action when I know what I'm up against."

"Perhaps the Prince has learned his lesson?"

"I doubt it." Thor dismissed the idea with a shake of his head. "Loki means to take Asgard one day, and I can't ever see him giving up on that aspiration for anything. Sooner or later, he'll be up to his tricks again."

"We are what we are," I told him with a shrug.

I'd never known Loki all that well while I lived at the palace. Even as the Allfather's second Prince, he was still far more important than I ever was. During his many pranks in our younger days, I usually watched from afar. Too far out of range to be included as a participant- or, as I feared was the more likely, an unwitting target. So my impressions were limited. Surely, I'd heard of his intelligence, wit and mischievous sense of adventure. And I'd heard of his legendary temper, which made Danethar's rages pale by comparison. Not really my concern; good or bad, Loki was destined for a life that had little to do with me.

"You do have a point, and it brings me back to the purpose of my visit, Lilith."

_Oh damn_.

"I doubt you've heard of it yet, but some rumors have been circulating through Asgard lately."

"When aren't they?"

"This one is serious, and it concerns you, Cousin. Or at least your husband." Thor took a breath and launched into his explanation. "There's been talk of warriors who abuse women, and that some of them are overly familiar with female servants. So I came here to ask if you've noticed any of this behavior- or anything else strange- regarding Danethar."

I did not like what I was going to do next. I had no qualms about not informing the Allfather or Thor about my situation, reasoning that I had no duty to tell them what they did not ask. But now a direct question had been put to me, and I would have no choice but to lie. At least I could take comfort that Thor would not see through it, and would never know. Had this conversation been with his brother, I would not have been so confident.

"Serious indeed, Cousin. You have no cause to worry for me, or Danethar. We're well suited, so discord finds little room to grow between us."

Not outright lies…just cleverly worded half-truths. Thor frowned over them, though, as if he knew something was amiss but not what it could be. When that look faded, he stared down at me heavily. I could almost feel its weight crushing me into the graveled pathway, and worried he'd push until I told him the truth. Little did I know how much worse it could be, but I was about to find out.

"Then you have no objections to my speaking with your maid on the subject to get her opinion."

Ten times worse. I already suspected Ilsa of spreading the first rumors, so there was no telling what she'd say to Thor in person. But I couldn't tell him no, either. At least not without explaining my reasons why, and I didn't have a good one to give him. Cornered. I did not like it at all.

"Not at all," I capitulated in a tone I hoped sounded casual. "Please let me know when you would be pleased to interview her and I will send Ilsa to the palace."

"I was thinking right now," he pressed.

_Shit. If Danethar is with her now, she'll be a wreck and no lie will spare me the humiliation of what will come of this._

"Are you sure there's time, Cousin? I thought the Allfather was delivering a speech this afternoon and I wouldn't want you to miss it."

"If you don't mind the loss of her for the afternoon, I can talk to the woman on the way back to the palace. Two birds, one stone."

"An excellent idea," I replied brightly. What else could I say, after all? "Why don't I go in and make sure Ilsa's not in the middle of anything." _Like being raped by my husband._ "I'll send her out shortly and you can be on your way before it gets too late."

Before he could stop me, I slipped past him and into the house, where I was greeted by silence. I figured Danethar had taken precautions to ensure Thor didn't overhear anything that would raise alarm. My steps did not falter or slow as I headed for his bedroom, though I knew I had no wish to see what lay on the other side of it. Not what Danethar had done- or was still doing- to Ilsa; not what he'd do to me for interrupting him.

I approached the parlor room, thinking nothing of it to see the door propped open. Just a momentary distraction as I mentally prepared myself for what was about to happen. So naturally, when Ilsa popped her head into the hallway I practically jumped out of my skin, shying to the opposite wall like a spooked horse. When my heart climbed back down out of my throat enough to speak, I swore at her.

"Shit- fuck. Gods of the Allfather. Ilsa, are you trying to scare me to death!?"

"I had a good idea where you were headed," she replied. "And thought I should stop you. Didn't realize that I would rattle you that badly."

I swallowed another curse and glanced down the hall. In all fairness, she was right; I would much rather a moment's fright over walking in that room when I didn't have to.

"Thanks." That didn't mean I didn't have questions. "Soooo….just wondering…"

She must have guessed what I wanted to know.

"I don't think he wanted to risk it with your cousin so close," Ilsa offered before I could phrase my question. "He thought better of it soon after we came in and went off to his room alone."

"A rare flash of intelligence," I observed mockingly. "Which is lucky for you, but that piper will have to be paid someday."

"Did you come looking for me for a reason?"

_Well that was sudden, wasn't it? Fine, I won't try to warn her anymore if that's what she wants._

"Thor wants to talk to you- about Danethar. He's asked that you accompany him to the palace. Now."

"I'm guessing you want me to lie if he starts asking about the rumors."

"I would appreciate it, though if outright lies are a problem, a few misleading truths would work just as well. Bottom line, I don't want him asking any more questions about me or Danethar. So however it needs done, I'm asking that you see your way to do it, Ilsa."

"I still think you're crazy," the woman said after a long, measured look. "But if that's what you want, I'll do my best."

"Thanks. Thor's waiting for you in the garden."

"What about Danethar," Ilsa asked with a nod to the bedroom at the end of the hall. "He won't be happy to find out I'm going. Especially if he knows I've left with Thor."

I said nothing, expression impassive. Ilsa sighed.

"Stupid of me to even ask, I know. He'll beat you or rape you and you'll let him do it out of some twisted sense of marital duty."

A wan smile was my only reply. Ilsa shook her head and turned away, obviously at a loss over what to make of me.

"She's crazy. Absolutely crazy," I could hear her mutter under her breath as she walked away.

_You're not wrong, Ilsa. But as you won't save yourself from a similar fate by walking away from here, I'm not the only one._


	12. Chapter 11: Illusions and Dreams

As he walked beside Thor, Loki couldn't decide if he was concerned about Lilith or furious with her. Or furious about being concerned. It didn't matter that he knew Danethar wouldn't touch her for the rest of the day; she believed he would and had sent 'Ilsa' off, anyway. What was she thinking? Did Lilith want that brute to kill her? He would. Loki was sure of that now. And Lilith seemed eager to let him do it. The awkward silence with his brother offered time for him to think of a _rational_ reason why that should bother him, and at last, Loki did.

Lilith had no business getting herself killed before he could unlock the secrets of her power- portals between worlds he had intended to use to escape Asgard. It made perfect sense why he would be upset at the thought of losing that opportunity. Much more sense than any idea that he actually _cared_ about her. So he focused his thoughts in this new direction. Eight days ago he'd learned of her unique talent, and he'd yet to bring them back to the subject. Loki had let himself be distracted by Lilith's daily physical drama with Danethar. Naturally, to get back to what was important to him, he'd had to find a way to put a stop to it.

Hence the game he'd set in motion when the warrior had asked 'Ilsa' to come inside during Thor's visit. That fool Danethar was so easy to manipulate. In minutes, he believed that 'Ilsa' had been utterly charmed by him, and that she considered his wife a useless, whining burden Danethar should just ignore. By the end of their short 'conversation', the warrior was the one who'd been charmed, promising anything if 'Ilsa' would agree to be his exclusive lover. Promising not to spend himself on Lilith in particular. It was one oath Loki ensured the man would keep.

"I'm sure you're wondering why I should want to talk with you," his brother said, interrupting his thoughts.

Oh well, time to perform again. He was not looking forward to groveling to Thor, but it had to be done. For the sake of the game.

"I was, my Prince."

"I'll be blunt. I want your honest opinion of Lord Danethar, Ilsa. My cousin tells me that she is contented with her life, but I suspect her answers regarding him are not entirely truthful."

_Still harping on this, Brother? I thought I fixed it the other day when we were talking about the rumors._ Apparently not.

"What makes you think so?"

"Not important. All I'm interested to know is what _you_ think of him. How long have you been a maid for the Lady Lilith?"

"Not long." He might as well start honestly, and save the lies for when it counted. "Just a few weeks."

"Long enough to form an opinion of your master, then."

"I suppose."

Thor stopped walking and turned to him, a grave yet sincere expression on his face. Loki wondered what his brother was up to, and waited silently to find out.

"You may speak freely with me, Ilsa. I promise none of what you tell me will find its way back to Lord Danethar. Or to Lady Lilith. On my honor."

Interesting. His brother was offering him complete protection if 'Ilsa' would reveal what she knew. What version of the 'truth' should he offer, then? He'd promised Lilith not to say anything, but Loki didn't concern himself with the moral dilemma of whether he ought to break that promise. It was more a question of whether doing so would get him what he wanted. He didn't see anything gained by disclosing Danethar's indiscretions to Thor right now. Not a bad plan in the future, though, so Loki didn't want to close that avenue entirely. Finally, an idea came to him.

"Okay- so long as you promise," Loki agreed warily. "I don't want to lose my place. The Lady is the best I've worked for."

"Not a word," Thor repeated and they resumed walking. "I can see you think highly of my cousin- what of her husband?"

"He's…wonderful," Loki breathed in a whispery sort of tone. This part of his plan was going to require the best of his abilities, but so far they were paying off. Meanwhile, his brother had been caught by surprise with his response, and frowned.

"Wonderful in what way?"

"He's always so decisive and clever and…well, handsome as you can imagine. Lady Lilith was sure lucky to be pledged to him."

Loki nearly gagged on the words, having trouble forcing out this particular lie. But it worked just as he'd planned it to. Thor was convinced that 'Ilsa' was mildly infatuated with Danethar, and was obviously not thrilled to hear it.

"You seem quite taken with him, Ilsa. Is Lord Danethar aware of your feelings?"

"Oh, I doubt it." Loki feigned a blush. "He's always so focused on attending to the Lady that he's not about to notice me. And I _swear_ I'd never do anything to steal him away from her. It's just hard when you don't have someone of your own, you know? I hope one day I'll find a man half as good as he is. That'll be enough for me."

"Uh huh." His brother's half-hearted response was all he said for several minutes, but eventually he tried again. "And you're sure that you've never seen your master act out in anger- either with you or with Lady Lilith?"

"He'll stomp around and yell sometimes when he's moody," Loki admitted casually. "Harmless, really, and why shouldn't he be able to have a mood now and then? There's no crime in that. They seem to pass quickly enough, anyway."

Thor sighed, already wearying over 'Ilsa's' ebullient praises of Lord Danethar. Even a dolt like him would figure out that she'd be no help to him when it came to the truth about the warrior, too blinded by her infatuation to see anything clearly. And yet he'd given his brother just enough information to keep this conversation in the back of his mind. If 'Ilsa' ever came to him later in a panic, claiming Danethar had done anything aggressive or improper, Thor would believe her with no hesitation. A flawless plan, and Loki congratulated himself on having thought of it.

They'd arrived on the palace grounds at this point. Thor wanted to conclude their discussion, and was trying to find a polite way to do it. Warriors. They all struggled when it came to anything not related to combat- even the son of the Allfather. Clumsy tools, every one of them. Loki would have let his brother blunder along for his own amusement, but he had things to do. So he took charge to end this as quickly as possible.

"Is that all you wanted to know, Prince. I was hoping to get back to the Lady for the remainder of the afternoon. We were trying to put the garden in order today, and she could use my help."

"Of course. I believe you've given me all I need, Ilsa. I appreciate your help in this matter."

Loki flashed him an empty-headed smile. "You're welcome, Prince. I'd be happy to assist any time."

"Yes…well, I'm needed inside for an assembly and you'll want to hurry if you hope to be of help to my cousin."

"You're right- just like Danethar always is! I'll be going. Good evening to you, Prince."

Judging from Thor's expression, he was almost to the point of nausea from 'Ilsa's' cloying eagerness. But he held out long enough to wave weakly at her before turning towards the palace. His brother wouldn't be returning to Danethar's house to ask questions anytime soon, that's for sure.

* * *

I'd expected Danethar to come out of his room in a raging temper once he knew Thor was gone. But when he emerged and found both Ilsa and the Prince had left the house, he seemed not to care. I was surprised at first then wary, figuring that he was saving his anger for tonight when he had more time to vent it. Ilsa wouldn't be back after her discussion with Thor; even if she had thrown herself in the line of fire once today, I doubted she would come back to do it again. So I knew I would bear the brunt of his disappointment when she did not return as he expected. This was merely the calm before the storm.

I watched him leave through the window of the front parlor, on his way back to the palace for the Allfather's announcement. A few hours' respite at most before he'd be back. What should I do with my time? I turned away from the window and crossed my arms, thinking about my options. The garden beckoned most strongly, as Ilsa and I had been interrupted before we could get very much accomplished. I suppose I could finish that on my own. A decision made, I thought to get to my task as quickly as possible. Berda met me at the door, hands on her hips as she leveled her most determined look at me. Oh I was in for it now.

"What?"

"I'll not have you missing another meal, Lady. You've almost no meat on your bones these days, and I won't stand for it, you hear?"

I wasn't hungry- was rarely hungry, which was why I was losing weight. But Berda was in a full temper and it seemed easiest to placate her. So I'd choke down whatever she set in front of me before attending to the garden.

"All right, all right. You win. Lead me to the food and I'll eat."

She'd geared up for more of a fight, I could see, and so her only reply was an indignant huff. I smiled at her pique. Poor Berda. Between Danethar and I, we were such a trial for her. Honestly, I wondered why she didn't find some other Lord to serve with her credentials. Better for me that she stayed so I didn't have to find someone else to follow the guidelines I'd asked of her. I imagine not many would.

Rather than the formal dining room, she'd set up my meal in the kitchen. Not unusual, since I rarely insisted on anything fancy when it was just me. In fact, I enjoyed sitting in the kitchen- its warmth and aromas were always inviting. But I was pretty sure Berda chose this setting to ensure I'd eat. She watched me like a hawk the whole time, and I was encouraged not to linger any longer than I had to.

"Satisfied, Berda," I asked as I handed her my empty plate.

"I'd be happier if you'd seen fit to tell the Prince what Danethar's up to around here. The one time any of your kin come down here to check on you and you say nothing."

"Berda…" Not this again. What had gotten into her lately?

"Fine, fine," she threw up her hands. "Don't tell them. But one of these days it'll all come out. Whatever you think you're hiding won't stay buried forever."

"I think you've been talking too much with Ilsa lately. You've developed her habit of asking questions and voicing opinions."

"Maybe it's about time I did. Keeping quiet hasn't done you any good, far as I can see."

_See, this is why I asked for no servants. They always complicate things in the end._ I refused to argue with her any more, and rose from the table.

"It's not for you to decide what is best for me," I reminded her.

"No, it isn't," she agreed stubbornly. "But you don't seem inclined to do what's best for yourself. You choose to stay here, even though you don't have to; even though it's killing you. And yet you expect us to stand by and let it happen."

I blinked, praying I could hold in the tears that threatened. She didn't understand. None of them could possibly understand, and I saw no point in trying to explain it again. Without a word to Berda, I walked out of the kitchen and headed to the garden. She let me go, having said all she wanted to say to me. To combat the weepy mood, I tried to replace it with anger, fuming and cursing to myself the whole way up the stairs and out to the garden. It fueled me to action, and I launched into my work with vigor. So I shouldn't have been surprised when in just a short hour later, I'd accomplished everything I'd come out here to do.

Panting slightly from the frenzied activity, I surveyed the garden. All the weeds were tidied up and placed in a bin to decompose into potting soil. In a few weeks, I'd be able to use that in the new raised beds where I'd planned to grow some exotic bulbs the florists were selling. The flowers were trimmed up- including the climbing vines. I'd finished it all, though I couldn't remember much of anything I'd been doing. Now what was I going to do?

_I could relax and daydream a little while. It's been a long time since I've done any of that._

Too true. I hadn't dared since the disaster with Ilsa and her joke about the portals. At first I'd been too upset and hurt that the woman had been making fun of me for the pastime. But the past five days, I just hadn't had the right frame of mind to daydream about anything. Even now, I worried that it might not offer me the same escape it had before. What if I were to recall something with Danethar in the middle of my daydream? That would spoil everything.

_Well, I won't know if I don't try, and I really don't feel like doing anything else right now. Let's see what happens._

I settled in one of the garden's wicker chairs and shut my eyes like always. At first, I couldn't decide what world to visit. Something familiar? Something new? In the back of my mind, though, the pirate fantasy called to me. Like a siren- it demanded to be finished. After all, Ilsa had interrupted me before the pirates could hunt for the treasure; the precious map was still waiting for me. Maybe now was a good time to see if I could find it.

No sooner had I made up my mind, the familiar sight of a volcanic island rising out of the ocean appeared before me. All seemed just as I'd left it, down to the waves lapping gently against my pirate ship. As if it had been waiting for me to return all this time. I smiled to myself and focused on the excursion party, now deep in the island's jungle interior. The first mate led the way, hacking at thorny branches with his sword. The others followed his lead, clearing away the verdant detritus by the armful to create a path.

As captain, I was on the lookout for clues, directing the pirates to our next destination. We'd already found the first seven, but another thirteen waited before we'd come to the treasure horde. An unusual formation of moss-covered trees stumps caught my eye at once, and I hurried over to examine them. Without warning, a venomous snake darted out from the debris and sank its fangs into my ankle. I shrieked in shock and pain, raising alarm from everyone. The mate rushed to my side and hoisted me onto one of the stumps. He yanked off my boot and rolled up the leg of my pants.

"Lilith, what were you thinking? You should have waited for us to clear the area!"

He sounded angry, but I could tell it was because he was afraid. Every time I got hurt, he'd rant and rave about it until I was recovered. So I said nothing as he prodded the bite wound, gritting my teeth.

"How's it look, Liam? Is she hurt bad?"

"She's not hurt good, Thomas, that's for certain. Darlin', just hold still and I'm going to fix you up, okay?"

I nodded. Liam bent his head and wrapped his strong hands around my now swollen ankle. The venom had already begun to take effect, causing the sensation of tiny knives jabbing into the area around the bite. I sure hoped he'd hurry. Then suddenly, numbness. Blessed numbness. Liam was a special healer, and he knew how to use magic to cure all sorts of injuries. On our last adventure, he'd set a broken arm- not mine, thankfully- without any medicines or tools. Just his hands and his unique brand of magic.

The numbness faded and the flesh around the wound came to life by degrees. Liam glanced up at me and rocked back on his heels. I could see the worst of his worry had abated, but another lecture was still coming. Not now. Later, when we'd return to the ship. He'd lecture me about my carelessness and then we'd make up afterwards- in bed. Maybe the lecture would be worth it, but for now, it was time we were on our way.

"If I promise not to argue with you tonight, will you let me get on with the expedition?"

The sassy remark coaxed a smile out of him, and he winked at me. I'd been bracing myself to get up just as I caught it, and thumped hard on my rear as the surprise knocked my feet from under me. Ilsa's wink. Not only did Liam have her eyes…now his expressions were hers, too. What in the name of the nine realms was going on here?

"Lilith, are you all right? Do you need me to carry you?"

"No, no, I'm fine," I replied with a shake of my head. "Just needed another minute before I stood on that leg. See? Good to go."

I wasn't sure Liam believed me, but he didn't prevent me from leading the way to our next landmark.

* * *

Heimdall felt the disturbance again from the warrior's quarter. The feeling of a doorway opened between Asgard and some other realm. It had been a while since the strange manifestation had appeared, but sure enough it was back. This time, he was ready for it, and searched that part of the city with a sharp eye to ascertain the source. Despite how carefully he searched, though, the mysterious flux of power eluded him. After several minutes of no luck, he nearly gave up. Then a sudden thought struck him. Heimdall had made himself purposefully blind to the goings on at Lord Danethar's house over the past week, unable to stomach what little he had seen since his talk with the Queen. What if this thing he was searching for was in that place?

Reluctantly, he opened his awareness to that house. Lilith sat in the garden- alone. Praise to the gods for that small blessing. At first, Heimdall saw nothing out of the ordinary regarding the Lady. Then he spied the garden wall. More specifically, the part of the wall that was _no longer a wall_. It shimmered and shifted until an opening appeared. Through it, Heimdall saw a ship…and an island. Neither of which belonged to Asgard. So his suspicions _were_ right- a doorway had been opened to another realm. And Lilith was the one responsible for it. He whispered a prayer to the gods as he realized what that meant for all of them. Especially now that he knew Loki was inside the house, pretending to be Lilith's maid.

_If he were to discover that she can create such a doorway, and could persuade her to create one into Midgard…gods of the Allfather, he can't be allowed to escape._

Once again, he'd been put in an untenable position. If he alerted Frigga and Odin about this- specifically about Loki's involvement- Lilith would know Heimdall had broken his oath to her. She would likely hate him forever for it. But if he didn't say anything and Loki did escape…he wouldn't be able to face his King and Queen for shame of failing at his post. If only he could guarantee that telling them would ensure that they would discover the trouble in Danethar's house. Heimdall feared that it wouldn't, though. The Allfather's primary concern would be to contain Loki, and the God of Mischief would likely be thrown back in his dungeon to keep him away from her. Unlikely that he would look any further, and then Lilith would be alone to face the monster again. He made a tough decision, hoping it was the right one.

_I will not inform anyone of this, but I will break part of my oath to Lilith to ensure Asgard and Midgard are safe from Loki. I will no longer remain blind to what goes on in that house, and should I see him attempt to use this power to escape, I will alert Odin._

It would have to do. Heimdall only hoped he could stand what else he might see in the days ahead- and that whatever the God of Mischief was doing with Lilith would see her removed from Danethar's reach as quickly as possible.

* * *

Thor left the assembly feeling somewhat disgusted. He doubted any of the men took to heart anything his father had said. Of the ones who'd paid the least attention, Danethar and his two friends were the most obvious. Naturally. They were the ones who needed the reminder the most. He'd have to speak with his father about them as soon as he could. But for now, he was hoping to have a quick conversation with his mother, who was enjoying the view of Asgard from her private balcony.

"Mother- may I speak with you?"

She turned, genuinely surprised to see him. Thor supposed she had good reason to be. He didn't often seek her out for counsel, usually spending more time with his father. But in this, he felt she was going to provide him with better direction.

"Of course, my son. Please join me."

He stepped out onto the balcony, leaning against the railing instead of choosing a seat. It meant he was deprived of the view, but also kept him focused.

"Is something matter," she asked.

"Yes…no. Maybe," he answered. "I'm not really sure, but I thought maybe if I told you what's on my mind, you might tell me whether I should be worried or not."

"A second opinion- always a good idea."

"It all started with that rumor a week back."

"Oh Thor," Frigga interrupted with a sigh. "You don't still think Loki had anything to do with it? I thought we settled that."

"I still think it was him, but that's not what's troubling me."

"Let me guess- it's something to do with the assembly Odin held with the warriors this afternoon. I heard he was lecturing them about maintaining their distance from the servants."

"It's worse than that. Mother, I'm worried none of what Loki started is a rumor. Not just the part about warriors bedding serving women." Her eyes widened, but she said nothing. Thor continued with his explanation. "And what's worse, I think it might have something to do with Lord Danethar."

"But…"

"I know, he's married to Lilith, and the thought that he may be involved is an unpleasant one at best."

"What makes you suspect that he has any connection to the rumors?"

"For one, he's admitted to me that he used to consort with the maids, even though he knew it was expressly forbidden. By the way he phrased it, I'm beginning to suspect he's not stopped after the wedding. And now he's installed a young, naïve maid inside the home. She's lost her heart to him already, and while she claims nothing has happened between them, I fear it's only a matter of time before that changes."

His mother frowned, tapping her fingers on the arm of the chair. Thor waited for her response before divulging the next piece of news to her.

"Well, that is certainly distressing to hear. How scandalous that he should dishonor his vows in such a fashion."

"I agree. And I hope that is the worst of what he's been up to, although I fear it isn't."

"This is what you alluded to- about the rest of the rumors being true?"

"Yes, sadly. Over the past few months, I've noticed a marked change in Danethar's behavior during training. He's increasingly disrespectful to me and to many of the other warriors. After the rumors started, I've seen the female servants giving him openly hateful looks. When I asked him about it, his answers were full of derision and spite. They trouble me. Then when I saw Lilith today, she seemed to want to talk about anything but her life with Danethar. She made a good show of sounding cheerful, but Mother, she doesn't look well."

Frigga hesitated, as if she couldn't decide where to begin or how to respond to his implications. She sat forward in her chair and studied him for a while. Thor thought she was merely stunned upon hearing how they had all misjudged Danethar's character- the Allfather included. Certainly he had felt that way at first. But gradually, he noticed her expression changing, becoming more severe. When she finally spoke, Thor was surprised by the direction of her inquiry.

"When you say she didn't look well, what do you mean?"

"Thin. Tired," he replied after a moment's consideration. "Not quite as I remembered in the days before she left here."

"And you truly think Danethar has laid a hand on her in anger?"

"She told me he hasn't, as did her maid, Ilsa. But…"

"But no one has actually spoken out that he's abused her or any other woman."

Thor was genuinely confused by the nature of her tone. His mother sounded harsh and defensive, and he could see no reason for her to feel that way. Reluctantly, he shook his head.

"No, I have not heard reports of any abuse."

"Then all you have are your own speculations and inferences. No proof of anything."

"No, Mother, no proof."

"Then I suggest you keep them to yourself before you damage the reputation of Lord Danethar and humiliate your cousin," she ordered sternly.

"Have I angered you in some way, Mother? If I have, I am sorry. It was not my intention when I sought your advice on the matter."

Frigga's expression softened a little at his apology, but Thor could see some of the steel remained.

"I know you meant well, my son, but you must be very careful before you leap to these conclusions."

He could see she would offer nothing more on the subject. Not exactly the advice he'd been hoping for, either. Gods, even the discussion with Loki had been more useful, though Thor suspected his brother had directed it to suit Loki's needs more than his. But he could do little about it, and swallowed any attempt to push the subject.

"I will remember your wisdom and will try to be more circumspect in the future."

"Good. Now, why don't we head down to dinner? We can forget all about this business with Lord Danethar and find something more productive to talk about."

_Why do I get the feeling she's hiding something, _Thor asked himself silently.

It wasn't like his mother to be so quick to dismiss a potential issue before all the facts were known, but to him it felt as though she wanted to end all discussion about Danethar before it even began. He didn't like the feeling it gave him, and so he was determined not to let it go so easily.

_You want proof, Mother? Fine. I'll look into this on my own and when I find it, I'll be back. When that day comes, I'll want an explanation about your behavior today._


	13. Chapter 12: Bargains Struck

Frigga had not slept well at all last night, and woke feeling drained. Her conversation with Thor had contributed to the poor quality of sleep, specters of Lady Lilith invading her dreams at every turn. They accused Frigga of killing her. As she blinked away the last of their ghostly images, she stubbornly willed herself to believe they were wrong. Just because Lilith had begged her not to be wed to Danethar, that didn't mean he was guilty of the things her son had accused him of. And Thor didn't even have proof that she was anything other than happy with her new life. Frigga had done the girl a favor by ignoring her request all those months ago, preventing the loss of a decent marriage just because Lilith had a case of wedding jitters.

Repeating those thoughts as she dressed, Frigga banished the last of her doubts. Today's schedule was full, and she was expected in the infirmary this morning. Loki had spent the past week studying with Lord Berath, and she wanted to know the particulars of how things were going. She'd already asked her son about the endeavor, but his answers left much to be desired. Hopefully, the healers would be more enlightening.

She left her apartments and headed to her destination. On the way, she took note of things that required attention throughout the palace. Drapes that deserved a good cleaning; a painting hung slightly askew. Frigga supposed she should add a meeting with the head palace staff to her list for the day. That ride to the dales beyond the city might just have to wait for tomorrow, despite how much she'd been looking forward to it. Duty came first.

The healers were huddled together, talking in hushed tones, when Frigga arrived ten minutes later. None of them sensed her presence as they engaged in heated discussion. Rather than interrupt, she chose to listen. Maybe they would let drop something they wouldn't say to her otherwise.

"When did you see her last, Julia?"

"Day before yesterday. Maybe the one before that."

"And you still haven't found out the true identity of this friend of hers, Renate?"

"I've asked around the city, and heard a few things. But most of the people I spoke to didn't want to get involved."

"What did they say," Berath pressed her in an anxious tone.

"Well, I spoke to Maddie first. She told me one of her regular customers goes by the name Renate. Said she buys healing balms and supplies every now and then, and has been for a few months now."

Frigga was immediately alarmed by the direction of their conversation. Who was this Renate and her friend- and why were the healers so concerned about either of them? She continued to eavesdrop, hoping to find out the answers to both questions.

"Just the supplies- nothing else? You and I both know she's the only qualified healer in that district."

Julia wrung her hands painfully and shrugged.

"Maddie wouldn't _say_ Renate had come to her for a healing, but I think she was trying to protect the girl by keeping it a secret. After what Ilsa told me, I don't think Renate would survive what he's putting her through without some kind of professional healing."

Ilsa. The name stabbed through Frigga like a lightning bolt, nearly stopping her heart with fear. Thor had mentioned to her yesterday that Lilith's maid was called Ilsa. And now the healers were concerned about a woman by the same name. A woman whose friend was in need of medical assistance and supplies.

_Calm down and think,_ she told herself firmly. _The name is a common enough one in Asgard, so chances are the two stories are unrelated. No reason to think this mysterious Renate has any connection to Lady Lilith or Lord Danethar._

"And you can't find Ilsa?"

"I've checked with Esther and Valerie- neither of them have heard of an 'Ilsa' working for the palace. So the woman must also work for someone in the city. Likely in the same district as her friend. Karin said they came in together not long ago to buy some dresses."

"So until she comes in again…"

"We have nothing. No hope of finding either of them to get to the bottom of this."

At that moment, the healers noticed Frigga, and abruptly fell silent. They seemed mortified to have been caught discussing the topic in front of her, and passed nervous glances to one another. At last, Berath stepped forward to make an explanation for their behavior.

"My Queen, forgive our inattention. We were just discussing…" he looked at Julia and tried again. "We were reviewing…"

"If I understand the situation," Frigga cut in. "You've been visited by a woman who works as a servant somewhere in Asgard, whose friend is having issues with an employer of a physical nature."

"Lover," Julia corrected quietly. "Renate's problems are caused by a recent love interest."

She tried to remain calm, but alarms were ringing in her head. She didn't want to find out that the rumors were true; she'd wanted to believe, as Thor had initially, that Loki had started them to cause trouble and nothing more. But faced with evidence like this, she could hardly pretend that was the case. Warriors were not only taking lovers among the servants; some were abusing those same women.

_Is Danethar one of them? And does Lilith know about it?_

"My Queen, are you well?"

"Fine," she assured them with a grim smile. "But should this 'Ilsa' return, you are to inform me immediately. I wish to speak with her about her friend, Renate."

"Yes, my Queen." Berath paused. "Did you wish to discuss the Prince's lessons in healing practices now, my Queen?"

She'd quite forgotten about her original reason for visiting the infirmary. And although she just wanted to be left to her own thoughts for a while, Frigga forced herself to stay. After all, she was here and so were they. Might as well find out what she wanted to know.

* * *

Loki wasn't in a hurry to arrive at Danethar's house this morning, so he lingered in the palace for breakfast. He enjoyed this meal most, as it rarely included Thor or Odin. They were too busy to take time for a meal at this hour. Most days, he dined alone, although occasionally, his mother would join him. She was present today, but Loki had the feeling Frigga's mind was somewhere else. He ventured to comment on her lack of attention to the meal.

"You seem vexed, Mother. Is something on your mind?"

"I'm sorry, my son. I have not been the most engaged meal companion this morning. I received some distressing news earlier and I'm afraid it has me distracted."

"Is it anything serious?"

She sighed. "I was hoping it wouldn't be, but my instincts tell me that it is."

"Must you be so deliberately vague, or can you tell me what troubles you so severely?"

"I fear that you may have started more than a little mischief with that rumor of yours, my son. The one about the warriors and the servants."

"Mother," Loki cried in feigned shock. "You said it yourself that there was no way I could have been involved in that."

"Oh save the act. We both know it was you- impossible or not."

He grinned at her impishly and shrugged, not admitting- or denying- her words. Of course she knew he'd been behind it somehow. Frigga always recognized his schemes once they were played out. He never worried about it, so long as she couldn't guess the ones he still held in his hand.

"Ah well, what plague has such a tidbit of false gossip visited on the good people of Asgard?"

"We're finding out that it's not false at all, Loki. Whatever motives you had for making up the initial story, we're discovering real victims to support it."

_And the only reason you know this is because Thor must have told you._

Loki hadn't expected his brother to do that. Now he would have to allay his mother's apprehensions as well as Thor's. Just as soon as he found out how much the clod had told her.

"And pray tell, just who are these victims?"

"So far, only one I know for sure. A servant woman by the name Renate."

Oh that was far worse than he had feared. What was his mother doing in the infirmary to hear that name? Or did Julia find out enough to request the Queen's assistance in the matter? Either way, Loki knew he was in for trouble.

"Never heard of that one."

"She's not from the palace. And neither is her friend, Ilsa. But the healers in the ward say they received visits from the latter, and she's been asking for help on Renate's behalf."

"Help?" he inquired innocently.

"How to dress wounds and injuries, Julia tells me. I'm surprised you didn't run into her during one of your sessions with Berath, actually. For a while, the both of you were there every day. And then Ilsa seemed to have vanished as mysteriously as she appeared. Hasn't been seen for days."

_How about that,_ he mused.

"Never saw her. Probably wouldn't have noticed if I did, Mother. You know me."

"Yes, well, I am hoping that she returns soon. I've told the healers to inform me the moment she does."

"Oh? Why the personal interest? She's just a servant- not even one of ours."

Frigga's mouth was set in a disapproving line. She detested it when he talked this way about the lower classes, but at least if she was annoyed by him, she wouldn't question his interest in the subject. And as always, the distraction worked.

"I take concern in the welfare of all Asgard's inhabitants, not just the ones in the palace. But I confess I have a particular interest in this one."

"Because?"

"She may or may not be the same Ilsa your brother mentioned to me last night. The personal maid of Lady Lilith."

Oh that couldn't be worse. Not only had she spoken to Julia, but also with Thor as he'd originally assumed. And now that Frigga had heard both stories, she was reluctantly piecing the two together. If she succeeded, the game would be over. Loki was determined not to let that happen. Not when he was so close to getting what he wanted.

"Remind me- which one is Lady Lilith," he asked in a bored tone. "Asgard has so many Lords and Ladies that I rarely bother to keep track of them all."

"She's your cousin, if you recall."

"Mine, or my brother's?"

"Let's not start that again," she pleaded. "She's cousin to both of you."

A part of him had been contentious about the implied family connection out of spite. The old hurt about his true parentage never died completely, and times like this Loki was eager to throw it back in their faces. But another part had just wanted to deny any possibility that some kinship existed with Lilith, though he didn't know why. Odd, but not important. He pushed on.

"Fine, then. Why should it worry you that this Ilsa may be the same person?"

"Thor thinks that Lord Danethar-" she huffed impatiently when she saw his blank look. "Lilith's _husband_\- might be one of the warriors the rumors have been referring to. It's almost certain he's forsaken his marriage vows by continuing to carry on with servant women. And…" she paused. "He might be abusing them."

"So you think this 'Renate' could be the servant of one of Danethar's fellow warriors, and he's playing rough with her?"

Frigga laid down her utensils and pressed her hands to her temples. To his eyes, she looked positively distressed, and that worried him. A lot.

"Loki, I fear it's worse than that. I'm afraid 'Renate' is no servant at all, and it's an alias to conceal that Lord Danethar is abusing Lilith."

_Looks like the game is over now,_ whispered the voice. _Unless you have a lie more believable than the truth._

_As a matter of fact, I do._

"Come, Mother, surely you don't believe that's true. I recall the wedding- the couple appeared very happy, so I find it hard to believe he's sunk so low in the months since then."

"She begged me to get her out of it," his mother whispered softly. Loki almost couldn't make out the words, and wasn't sure he'd understood her correctly.

"What did you say?"

"Lilith. The day after Odin pledged her to Lord Danethar she came to see me and begged me to go to the Allfather on her behalf. She said Danethar didn't want her and that she was afraid to be married to him. I told her I'd see what I could do, but never brought it up to him. I thought it was just nerves- most new brides get them before a wedding. But now, I think maybe she knew something none of us did about the warrior, and I've made a terrible mistake."

_You knew,_ Loki railed at her in his mind. _You knew from the very beginning that Lilith didn't want to marry him, and you made her do it, anyway. The one person who she ever came to for help and you failed her._

He never would have believed it of her. Good intentions or not, Frigga had doomed Lilith to her miserable fate. She was just as responsible as the Allfather or Danethar for every beating she suffered- for every time he'd raped her. All of it.

_And they call _me _the monster._

Loki voiced none of those things, no matter how badly he wanted to. Nor did he let any of his anger show on his face. He sipped the last of his tea and set the cup back in its saucer.

"You're over thinking the situation, Mother."

"I don't see how. The pieces all fit."

"Because you want them to. Don't you see? I said almost the same thing to Thor just the other day, and now I see he didn't have the good sense to listen to my advice. Now the both of you are all upset over what I suspect is nothing more than paranoid shadows of a guilty conscience."

His mother didn't look convinced, but she seemed willing to listen. That was all he needed to fix this.

"As you said- it's natural for a woman to be nervous before the wedding, so of course you were right to recognize Lilith's reluctance as such. But no matter how sure we are in our decisions, some doubt always remains. And now that these rumors have surfaced, you're finding ways to use them to validate your lingering insecurity about that decision. That doesn't mean it's true."

"But how do you explain this Ilsa and her mysterious friend 'Renate'?"

"They could be real. In fact, I'm sure they are, and their stories sound very sad, I suppose. But Mother, if Lord Danethar was hurting Lilith, don't you think she would have sought you out by now- or the Allfather himself?"

"She may not think we'd believe her."

_Damn right she doesn't. And now I'm beginning to see why Lilith didn't want 'Ilsa' to say anything about Danethar. Because she doesn't think you'd help her this time any more than you did last time._

"Then she would have gone to Thor or perhaps even Heimdall. And even if she hadn't gone to anyone, do you think that kind of abuse would go unnoticed by Asgard's Watchman? I doubt it."

At the mention of Heimdall's name, Frigga paled.

"He said he was keeping a secret for someone, but couldn't tell me whose it was. What if this is what he's sworn himself to silence?"

_Gods of the Allfather, Mother. Just who _haven't _you spoken to lately? Every time I turn around, there you are, threatening to disrupt the order of my game._

"Do you really think Heimdall would allow a warrior like Danethar to harm kin to the Allfather- even if she asked him to? I'd give him more credit than that."

"I guess you're right, my son…but I can't help feeling that the explanation makes sense."

"All explanations can make sense if we try hard enough to fit the pieces together. You mustn't distress yourself over this. I'm sure Lilith is just fine."

"I hope you're right, my son. I hope you're right."

* * *

Heimdall knew the instant Loki stepped foot on the Bifrost, but he didn't let on. The God of Mischief had arrived in disguise- the maid working for Lilith- and he didn't look in the mood to try for an escape. In fact, Loki was walking directly towards his watch post, not hesitating for a moment as he walked through the open archway. Heimdall said nothing at first, until he realized Loki was waiting for him to begin the conversation.

"So you've come for answers, Jotun. Well, I'll trade them for answers to a few questions of my own."

Surprise registered first on the god's face. Heimdall bet few were able to catch the trickster off-guard, so that was in his favor at the moment.

"You know who I am?"

"I suspect you took a chance I wouldn't notice you that day in Lord Danethar's house. You lost."

The God of Mischief thought for a moment before answering.

"And yet my- double life, as you might call it- has not been brought to the attention of the Queen or the Allfather. I can't help wondering why that might be."

"I told you- an answer for an answer. Otherwise, get off the Bifrost before I do alert someone."

"I always enjoy a good game, and this sounds like a promising one. Where shall we begin, Watchman?"

"How long have you been going to that house?"

"An easy question. Only a few weeks. Now- why haven't you told anyone about my ruse?"

"Because I saw no danger in it to Asgard," Heimdall replied succinctly, avoiding the other half of his reasons. "Why are you so interested in the Lady Lilith?"

"Actually, my intended target was Lord Danethar. I'd like to ruin his life."

"Why?"

"Ah-ah, I believe it's my turn to ask a question," Loki's disguise admonished him with a secretive smile. Heimdall almost found that more disturbing than if the god had been in his true form.

"Ask it, then."

"My mother mentioned this morning that you keep a secret for someone in Asgard. Is it Lilith's?"

He was glad to be asked the question from the one person he could give an honest answer. How could he reveal Lilith's secret to someone who already knew it?

"Yes. The Lady asked me to keep silent about Lord Danethar- and I have, despite the temptation to break my oath. Now it's your turn. What cause do you have to want Danethar ruined?"

"Simple. He's an undeserving, moronic waste of Asgardian flesh who got _lucky_ during the Dark Elves battle and was rewarded far beyond his merits. I wish to see him stripped of every honor he's been mistakenly granted."

"Including his wife."

A peculiar expression crossed the god's face. Heimdall wasn't sure what to name it, but the look unnerved him.

"Oh yes indeed, especially Lilith. Danethar will pay dearly for his misdeeds where she's concerned."

_I'm not sure I want to know what he means by that._

"Now, I won't quibble over the rules, but that sounded like _two_ questions. I'll let that slide if you tell me why my mother came to see you the other day."

Heimdall might have preferred two questions to avoid that one, but he still had one question he needed answered before conceding the game. He sighed.

"I summoned her here. While I didn't tell her about what you were up to, Jotun, I did nudge her to look into your whereabouts lately. And before you ask me why, I have one final question for you. Do you know of Lilith's abilities?"

"Would it concern you, Heimdall, if I said yes?"

"Damn you, answer the question."

"I am aware she manifests some singularly interesting images of her daydreams."

Images. No, Heimdall wouldn't believe that for a minute. Loki would have known right away that they were no mere images, and were in fact gateways. He was playing with him.

"Speak the truth, or I will summon the Allfather to cast you back to your dungeon."

"Spoilsport," Loki pouted. "If you're going to be that way, then yes, I'm completely aware of what Lilith is capable of doing. Even if she isn't."

"What?"

"I thought you only had one question left. Have you changed your mind?"

"The Lady can't be ignorant of a gift that strong."

"Speaking as one who tried to convince her otherwise…Lilith most certainly _is_ ignorant of her own abilities. Whether by accident or someone's design."

"That may be, but I can't allow you to manipulate her into setting you loose upon Midgard."

"Aaah, I see where we've come to…blackmail. You'll keep my secret, but for a price. I never would have thought you capable of such deviousness, Heimdall, but I'm rather liking it. All right. If I so much as set a foot through one of Lilith's portals, go ahead and send the alarm to the Allfather. Until then, no more summons to my mother or to Thor. I have a plan for Danethar, and I need them to cooperate. You give them ideas about secrets and what I may be up to and they get all stirred up. It won't work that way. So have we a deal?"

"And Danethar will pay for what he's done?"

"In ways you can't even imagine."

The bargain was probably a mistake. Heimdall knew he shouldn't trust Loki or anything he might promise…but the hope that Danethar might be brought to justice and Lilith freed…he couldn't resist.

"Then it's done. Now get off my Bifrost, Jotun, before I change my mind."


	14. Chapter 13: Apologies Offered

Danethar was acting very strangely ever since Thor's visit yesterday. I could only conclude that something must have happened to influence his behavior- either when Thor and I were talking alone, or at the assembly with Odin. My bets were on the former, though I couldn't say why I was so sure of that. No matter the when, I was most concerned about the what and why. What could have put Danethar in such a good mood? More importantly, why had he left me alone last night? Not that I wasn't grateful for the break, regardless of the reason. But in the back of my mind, I knew the change was only temporary and could never last. Some day- and likely soon- we would be right back to the same routine again.

I wandered about the empty house- Ilsa hadn't come this morning. Would she be back this afternoon? Hard to say. But in the meantime, I thought maybe this was my opportunity to make progress in my pirate daydream. Yesterday, I'd barely gotten anywhere when a sudden wave of exhaustion caught me by surprise. I'd had to stop before we found the treasure, which has been seriously disappointing. Today, I was determined to reach it. With that goal in mind, I returned to the garden and grabbed a chair. It was just as easy to daydream inside, but the garden was my place in the house, so I always preferred it. I let myself dream.

Conjuring the image of my exploration party was a snap- so much easier than the last few times had been. I remembered a time when it had always been this easy, back when I was quite young. In those days, I'd had more friends in my imaginary worlds than I did in Asgard. When I wasn't studying or training as all Asgardians do as children, I could be found daydreaming. Then one day my dreams failed me, and for a very long time I was estranged from the places I'd come to know in my imagination. They'd only come back to me in recent years, growing even stronger since I'd married Danethar.

"Lilith, are you coming?" Liam asked from his perch on top of a rock formation that had blocked our passage.

"Be right up," I told him.

As I reached for a solid hand-hold, I was very glad he'd been able to heal my ankle. Clambering up the slippery obsidian rock would have been twice as hard otherwise, and it was hard enough now. I placed the toe of my scuffed boot in a crevice and launched myself upwards with a grunt. Finding another one proved difficult, but I managed after a few failed attempts. If Liam and the others could do this, so could I.

When I did reach the top, the effort was well worth it. We'd found a sort of plateau- probably a shelf that had been created during a long past eruption. Below us, the island stretched out in vibrant green, rolling and dipping as it hugged the sides of the sleeping volcano like a living blanket. I shaded my eyes from the sun and smiled as an ocean breeze wafted in from the coast. It lifted stray wisps of my hair away from my face.

"It's almost pretty enough to make you want to live here," Liam remarked.

"Minus the whole possibility of immanent death by volcano, right?"

"Well, yeah."

"It is beautiful, though," I admitted. "Now let's get moving. The treasure's not far from here."

"Aye, Captain. At your command."

Down into the valley we trekked, following a stream that turned into a river. It carved a great seam in the rock until it would join the ocean like many others on the island. But this one was special, owing to the grotto near its end. An eruption eons ago had caused a fissure in the rock a little ways back from the cliff edge, and the water helped that crack grow into the massive underground cave it was today. In that cave, we'd find what we'd come here seeking. Just a few more miles and we'd be there, so I pushed the party to make it there as quickly as possible.

At last, after so many hours tracking over the island, we'd arrived. I stared at the narrow opening next to the cascading water as it poured into the cave. The climb down would be treacherous, and the one back up even worse. I turned to Thomas and held out my hand for the satchel he'd carried this whole way.

"If you please, Thomas, the ropes and anchors. We'll need to set them firmly into the rock, or we'll never get back out of here."

"Yes, Captain."

"Liam, could you see they're secure?"

He nodded and took the supplies from the other pirate, along with a heavy iron mallet. My ears rang from every blow as he drove each anchor into the rock foundation. From them, he hung the rope ladder and knotted the stabilizing lines. Any of the other pirates could have performed the task, but I trusted Liam the most when it came down to it. He'd never let me down.

"Well, I suppose it's now or never," I said once he'd finished. "I'll be the first one to descend."

"The hell you will," Liam objected angrily. "I don't want you to set foot on that ladder until I'm sure it'll hold."

Sometimes, that protective streak was irksome, though. Small price to pay, I guess.

"I'll go, Captain," Erik piped up.

Liam and I both turned to the ship's boy, who'd managed to stall our budding argument. Erik looked so eager to help, and I imagined he was excited to see the treasure he'd do just about anything. Not to mention he wanted to make a good impression, since this was the first expedition he'd been allowed to join. I couldn't help smiling, and Liam joined me.

"What say you, my love? Young Erik would like the honor."

"So long as he promises to be _careful_," I warned. "No scampering down the ladder like he does the ship's rigging."

"Oh I promise- I promise an oath to the pirate's code."

"All right, then. Go on, Erik- give that ladder a good test."

The boy lowered himself to the edge of the opening and grabbed onto the ropes. To my eye, he still took the rungs entirely too quickly to be safe…but he was just a boy. If I'd learned anything sailing with pirates, boys were worried very little about when to use caution. And I suppose it didn't do him any harm in the end; he reached the bottom and nothing went amiss.

"I'll go next," Liam spoke up before I could make a move. "And you can just save your glaring, because it won't convince me to change my mind."

He disappeared down the narrow shaft without waiting for my outraged reply. So I stood there, fuming, until the tension on the ropes slackened, telling me he'd found the cave floor. I stared down the remaining pirates in our group, hands on my hips.

"Anyone else having ideas of going next," I asked in a tone that stopped just short of a challenge. They all shook their heads. "Good."

Finally, it was my turn. Hand over hand, I descended the ladder. Down at least forty or fifty feet- all the time, the light from above grew fainter. On my left, the waterfall thundered to its pool below. The spray had begun to soak into the fibers of the rope, making them slippery. I shouted a warning up to the others still waiting, letting them know to be careful. And then my foot found only air instead of another rung; I'd reached the bottom. Or at least I hoped so. No telling how far the jump might be. As I debated that thought, Liam's hands slid around my waist.

"I've gotcha, Lilith. Go on and let go."

Sure that he'd catch me, I did just what he said. I landed safe and sound on the cave floor, wrapped in his arms. He'd turned me to face him, and we grinned at one another for several minutes.

"So, are we going to go looking for your map, or are you going to keep standing here staring at me."

"I dunno…the view's not too bad," I quipped.

"Sheer flattery! Go on, you imp," he replied with a playful shove.

Now facing the rest of the cave, I caught myself staring at my feet instead of the awaiting treasure. Strange that I should feel almost afraid to look up at it. I'd wanted to see it for so long, but now it that it was in my grasp it was as if I'd been paralyzed.

_I want to see it for myself_, I realized.

I didn't want to see it through Lilith's eyes in the dream. I wanted to see this place for that first time with my own. Impossible. The second I would open my eyes, the world would vanish, as all imaginary things must. And yet, I felt compelled to do it, anyway. What harm could it do? The worst would be that I'd feel like a fool and I'd have to close them again. So why not? Slowly, I lifted my eyelids, expecting to break the spell and be once again alone in my garden

A shriek of utter shock escaped my lips as I stared at the me in my daydream, who stood a few feet away from me next to Liam and Erik. My mind processed several things all in the same instant: I was standing, but couldn't remember getting up from the chair. The stone wall had disappeared to show me a cave just like the one in my daydream. And lastly, the three figures in it had heard me scream and were now staring back at me, equally surprised. The 'Lilith' in the dream stepped towards me, though Liam tried to keep her back. Likewise, I shuffled a few steps closer to the plane separating us. We were only inches apart when we came to a stop.

"I'm Lilith of Micharea. Who are you?" she asked in my voice.

I had only one answer to give.

"Lilith. Of Asgard."

Her eyes widened, hearing her name and voice returned to her. I was pretty sure both of us were close to losing it, but were too stubborn to admit defeat. We merely stared at one another until she- I wasn't so certain she was still me at this point, or had ever been for that matter- asked another question.

"Asgard. I've sailed the ocean all my life and never heard of such a place. That's a different world, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure it is."

"And this," she gestured to the shimmery boundary between us, "must be some kind of door between them. I wonder how it got here."

"I…I think I created it," I admitted finally.

_Ilsa was telling the truth. Gods of the Allfather, she was telling the _truth. A second thought hit me immediately after that one. _Meaning I owe her one Hel of an apology. That will not be easy to choke out._

"Why?" Liam demanded. "What do you want?"

"I just thought I was daydreaming," I began, shrinking away from the portal. "I didn't realize any of you- or that Micharea- was _real_. I never meant…oh gods, what have I done?"

I needed to stop this- however I'd done it- before things got any worse. But I didn't know how. What would happened to them if I _did_ stop? Did they only exist so long as I held onto the daydream? I had no idea, and was practically shaking in hysteria.

"Great job, Liam. You've scared her to death. Happy?"

"Lilith, she could be dangerous. We know nothing about her or the world she comes from."

"And you think we're going to find out your way?" She reached forward and caught one of my hands in hers.

An electric shock pulsed up my arm and through my body. The Lilith from the other world must have felt the same thing, but neither of us let go. Rather as if we _couldn't _let go. Behind the pulse, I felt an incredible sense of _knowing_, as if we were linked completely with each other. It lasted only a few seconds, but they passed as slowly as a lifetime stretched between heartbeats. We knew each other- were each other- and I realized just what we were.

"You're…" she said in amazement. "You're me. The me in _that_ world, anyway." She glanced over her shoulder at the first mate. "Liam…she's me."

"Sweetheart, you're going to have to make more sense than that."

Lilith looked at me for help, so I guessed it was my turn to attempt an explanation.

"We're the same person, just born to different worlds and living completely separate lives. I don't think we were ever supposed to meet, but…somehow we did."

"So she's you," Liam repeated to his Lilith. "Does that mean I exist there, too?"

She paled, and I knew she was recalling my memories of Danethar. I wish I could have spared her those if I could have, and hoped they'd fade as soon as I figured out how to disconnect our worlds. As my eyes sought hers, I hoped she understood the depth of my sorrow for having poisoned her with such memories. Silently, I begged her not to tell him about any of them, which she seemed to understand. Lilith spoke at last.

"I don't see why not. After all, if it can happen for one person, it should be reasonable to assume others have a sort of 'double' in that world."

"So where am I? Is the other me somewhere with that other 'you'?"

"I don't think our lives follow the same path," she told him with a shake of her head. "My life on that world is much different than the one I have here."

That was the safest answer she could have given him, and I found myself bemused at how like me her responses sounded. Not just the voice, but her whole approach. I'd have said the same thing in her place. We shared a secretive smile as she guessed the direction of my thoughts. Liam looked from her to me and back.

"Okay, I believe it. She most definitely is you." His gaze shifted, as if looking behind me, and I saw his expression change. "Oh _hell_ no. That better not be what you meant by a 'different path'. A _woman_, Lilith?"

_A what_, I thought with alarm, and spun around to see Ilsa frozen at the door. My eyes darted back to Liam, then back to Ilsa. The resemblance was uncanny. I'd thought only their eyes had been similar, but if Ilsa had been made male, she'd look very much like Liam. And yet I wanted to believe it was little as Liam did, absolutely mortified by the thought that I may have a subconscious attraction to Ilsa. Worse- that she might think the same thing now that Liam had put the idea in her head that they were the same person. How long had she been standing here, anyway? What a nightmare.

"Well, is either of you going to answer me," he asked. "Is that the 'me' of that world or not?"

I really thought I could say it aloud. Truly, I thought I could handle it, despite the panic racing up and down my spine. But the words stuck in my throat and I realized a half second too late what was about to happen. Ilsa's stunned expression was the last thing I saw before my vision darkened. I'd fainted dead away.

* * *

Loki wasn't sure what to react to first. On one hand, the unexpected portal to the land of pirates seemed awfully compelling in holding his attention. What with this newest development where they were aware of the doorway to Asgard, it certainly ranked high on the scale of things to sort out as soon as possible. On the other, he ought to see to Lilith, who was now unconscious on the garden's gravel pathway.

_Well, since the portal closed the second she hit the ground, I guess I'll go with the latter. Once she's recovered, then we'll discuss what just happened._

He walked over to Lilith's prone body and knelt beside her. Good news for both of them, she hadn't cracked her head open on anything when she fell. Or broken any bones. From what he could see, she hadn't even suffered a bruise, so really it was only a matter of waking her up again. Loki sighed and shifted her onto her back. Lilith's hair had tumbled across her face, so he brushed it aside.

"Why is it that it always seems I'm arriving just in time to find you up to your neck in trouble? One of these days I won't be here to pull you out of it."

Before he could think too much about the implications of those words, she began to stir. Her eyes opened, staring dazedly up at him.

"Lilith?"

"Fainted, didn't I?"

"Yes."

She turned her head to the side, looking at the garden wall.

"The gateway is gone," she remarked.

"It flickered out the moment you lost consciousness. Can you sit up?"

After a few unsuccessful tries, Lilith managed to get herself to an upright position. Loki first thought that her apparent weakness stemmed from the strain of maintaining the link to another realm. He didn't know much about her ability, but interacting with the other realm likely took more out of her than simply observing. Just a theory, but he was fairly confident it was right. Of course, Lilith wasn't giving herself the best advantage to succeed at either, given how thin she looked to him. Didn't the woman eat?

"Well, I suppose that was one way to break the link," Lilith commented. "Although I can't say it was a pleasant one."

As she continued to stare at the wall, she got to her feet. Loki did the same, not quite sure where to go at this point. When he'd arrived in the garden, he'd only caught the very end of Lilith's conversation with the inhabitants of the other realm. Long enough to hear that she and the pirate 'Lilith' were the same person. Not only that, but the male pirate was possibly _his_ double in that realm. Did that happen because Lilith created them out of dreams, or had they always existed in that world? In the case of the former, could she dream a duplicate of someone in any world? And what happened if someone from this realm crossed over to another realm containing this alter ego? All questions he wanted to find he answers to, but Lilith seemed rather unnerved by the experience, and might close up on him if he pressed too hard. Loki was still debating his options when she broke the silence.

"So…I, ah…guess I owe you an apology, Ilsa. A big one, it would seem."

Curious that she would feel it necessary to apologize to him for their argument on the subject. Although her assumptions about Ilsa had been ludicrous, her suspicion that a woman she barely knew was playing a trick on her was logical. He'd spent some of his time this past week digging into her past in the palace, and had unearthed stories of the ridicule she'd endured in her youth for her lack of innate abilities. Of course Lilith would have expected Ilsa was the latest in a long history of such mockery. Loki didn't want to tell her that he knew about all that, but figured he ought to say something.

"I know why you would think I'd been lying. Unless you'd seen the gateway, I doubted you'd believe me. Honestly, I thought you'd think I was crazy."

"Well, now I've seen it. And I'm still not sure I believe it," she said with a shaky laugh. "How is something like that even possible? What _is_ it- I don't even know _that_ for certain."

"Me, either, but it looks like something worth finding out, Lilith."

"Somebody is going to notice if I keep opening doorways to other realms," she protested with a shake of her head. "In fact, I'm surprised Heimdall hasn't noticed already."

_Oh he has, Lilith. But you know as well as I do that he has his reasons for keeping silent on the matter._ Not that 'Ilsa' could say that, since she shouldn't know about the arrangement between Lilith and Asgard's Watchman.

"I'd say worry about Heimdall when that time comes," he said with a shrug. "Let him worry if it's an issue or not."

"Interesting philosophy. And suppose he does and tells the Allfather what I've been up to? What then?"

"Then maybe you end up back in the palace and away from Danethar."

"And possibly thrown into a dungeon for the rest of my life. Not really that much of a step forward, if you ask me."

"Maybe he'll want to offer you a position in the palace that would make use of your talents. You said he only gave you to Danethar because you didn't have one- this could change his mind."

_I shouldn't be using that argument with her right now. It's too soon to have Lilith run back to Odin. I'm not finished with Danethar yet, so why am I sabotaging my own plan?_ Before any second opinion from that meddling voice could chime in, Loki pressed forward.

"Either way, it'd be a shame to have such a talent and not find out what you can do with it."

"You sound more interested in the gateways than I am, Ilsa."

"Just repeating the same advice I recall having gotten not too long ago," he told her with a mischievous grin. "Something about wasted potential."

Loki knew he'd strike a nerve with that one, and had done it on purpose. Lilith folded her arms with an aggravated sigh, proving that he'd scored a direct hit as intended. For the first time since she'd regained consciousness, she looked at him. If looks could kill, he might very well drop dead right at her feet. But instead of the sharp remark Loki expected, she chose to take a different approach.

"Fine. Since you're so fond of throwing my own words back in my face, we'll play your game. I'll explore my skill if you do the same with yours. It's only fair, and is the only deal I'm willing to make. So what's it going to be?"

Checkmate. Somehow she'd gotten the better of him again, maneuvering him into a position where he couldn't move in any direction but the one she laid out for him. Loki pretended to make a show of deciding what to do, knowing he'd have to accept the challenge until he could find a way out of it. Hopefully, he'd think of something before she started arranging audiences for him at the palace, or things would get very complicated very quickly. But he'd do whatever it took to learn more about the gateways.

"It's a deal."

"Fabulous. We'll start tomorrow."

"Why tomorrow?"

"I'm actually…feeling quite drained at the moment," she admitted ruefully. "I don't think I could try again today if I wanted."

He wasn't surprised. Expending so much power at once was no small task. Even more so when someone was already physically weak. Loki stepped around Lilith to study her closely. She was perplexed at first, then rapidly switched to annoyed.

"What _are _you looking at?"

"You need to eat more."

"Oh not you, too. I already had this argument with Berda yesterday. She didn't sic you on me, did she?"

"No, that's my opinion. One you really need to heed if you're going to keep this up. You need the energy or you'll just burn yourself up to create the gateways."

"How…how do you know that?"

Whoops. Ilsa probably _shouldn't_ know that, so Loki had to think up a lie to explain away that knowledge.

"I have a few friends at the palace. They overhear things from time to time. Lucky for you, this happened to be one of them."

"Yeah…lucky." She didn't look like she completely believed him, but must have decided to let it go. "Look, I'll try, but most days I just don't have much of an appetite…"

"Then you'd better develop one quickly."

"I said I'll try, Ilsa."

No question that she was annoyed with him now, which was just fine. He was just as irked at her, since he couldn't make her eat. Well, he _could_, but Loki suspected that Heimdall would use any exercise of _that_ power as an excuse to summon Odin. Not advisable to test how closely he could push that line. For the hundredth time since his release from the dungeons, he was reminded how irritating it was to be denied the use of his usual tools of the trade.

"All right. So if we're done for the day, what now?"

"Well, I might be tired…but nothing says we can't see to your part of the bargain. Music room?"

"Only if you concede to a condition of my own."

"Hmm…we'll see. What is it?"

"You'll learn another duet."

A peculiar expression crossed Lilith's face as she thought about his offer. Loki wasn't even sure why he'd made it in the first place. The last time they'd played together he'd walked away feeling…well, _feelings_. Why would he risk that happening again?

_Because it's fun- and we both know how much you like to have fun._

_Yes, but an idle pursuit like this isn't supposed to be _fun._ Ruining Danethar's reputation is _fun_. Ruling Asgard is _fun. _Playing a duet with an Asgardian woman on a summer afternoon shouldn't be mentioned in the same breath as those things, much less be compared against them._

_But it is. Maybe you ought to consider _why _it is._

_ I have more important things to do then waste my time pondering such an insignificant question._

_ You most definitely have been an expert on wasting time lately, _the voice smirked at him. _Pity you don't see it._

"All right, I agree," Lilith said.

The unwelcome presence vanished at the sound of her voice, though Loki knew it wasn't ever truly gone. It liked to drop hints and play games with him, but one day, he suspected it would tell him plainly something he didn't want to know. Or worse- force him to say it, whatever it was. In their cat and mouse game, he was feeling more and more like the rodent running for its life. For now he'd keep running. After all, he had a role to play out. Somewhere, Loki managed to find a smile, masking the unsettled feelings that the voice had stirred up.

"Wonderful- let's see if you catch onto this one as quickly as you did the last one."


	15. Chapter 14: Gates Opened

Time passed strangely for me in the days that followed the bargain I struck with Ilsa. Or rather, the nights. Ever since Thor's visit, Danethar had avoided taking me to his bed. From time to time, he'd threaten to, and might lay a hand on me suggesting he'd make good on it. But not once in four days did I have to submit to that abuse. My only possible explanation was that he'd gotten bored, and decided punishing me wasn't as fun as sleeping with women he actually found pleasing.

Of course, that didn't mean he wasn't still himself in other ways. There were the usual verbal abuses, mostly in the form of snide remarks about my short-comings. I knew my looks didn't have much to recommend themselves to a man, so why it stung to hear him confirm it was a mystery. And then one or two evenings, he'd come home from training with the other warriors in a foul mood and I'd know what was coming. Danethar would find some excuse for belting me with an open-handed slap or shoving me into the furniture.

Last night, he'd wrapped both hands around my neck and squeezed the breath out of me. I could have sworn I heard him mutter something about luck and Ilsa, but couldn't make out the rest before I blacked out. When Ilsa arrived, she saw the bruises on my neck straight away and demanded to know what happened.

"What did he do to you," she demanded in a sharp-edged tone.

_Since when did I become answerable to her for anything,_ I mused. _Ilsa's supposed to work for _me_ and take _my_ orders. Not the other way around._ Supposed to, but we both know it really didn't work that way, and never had. Anyway, it was easier to just answer the question rather than fight her for the next half-hour.

"It's nothing, Ilsa. Danethar was pissed off at Thor for something or other and thought the best way of dealing with it was to choke someone. Perhaps he thought I was the next best thing to my cousin."

"That's all? He didn't do anything else?"

"Well, after that I was unconscious, but I'm pretty sure that was all. He must have lost interest in bedroom games and went back to his mistresses."

A look of relief flashed through her eyes, and was gone again. I still didn't completely trust her- or believe her story for why she was here- but I couldn't deny in moments like this that she seemed to genuinely care about my welfare. If it was an act, it was a good one. In any case, Ilsa wasn't the only one to be relieved. The break from his exclusive attention had finally allowed some of the deeper wounds to heal. If things kept on this way, I might not need to see Maddie for a while.

"Still, that looks painful," she said with a wave to my bruised throat.

"It isn't so bad. The swelling should go down by tonight and the marks will fade by morning."

"I could…" Ilsa stopped short.

"You could what?"

She sighed heavily.

"I know some things…about healing injuries."

Finally, the opportunity I was looking for to talk about the mysterious healing I'd received over a week ago. I'd been thinking of a way to do it the past four days and hadn't come up with anything. Well, besides asking her about it point blank. Now she'd just spared us both the awkwardness of _that_ scenario.

"I suspect you know a lot about healing injuries," I replied. "Considering the state I must have been in the morning after the rumors started." Ilsa paled but said nothing, so I continued. "I wondered why I was feeling a lot better than usual after that beating. That was your doing, wasn't it?"

"Yes, it was."

"Why?"

Anger burned like twin blue flames in the depths of her eyes.

"Do you have any idea how close he came to _killing_ you that night? I got here that morning and you were well on your way to Hel. So I had a choice to make, and healing you was what I decided."

I'd suspected the beating had been severe, but hadn't thought Danethar would let it go that far. Maybe he didn't think it had. After all, I'd survived quite a bit before then, so he might have assumed I'd pull through. But from Ilsa's account, something told me Danethar's faith was misplaced. I could also tell that she was uncomfortable with the subject.

"You don't sound happy to have done it."

"I…don't like being pushed into making a decision like that."

"I'm sorry I put you in that position." She shrugged. "Anyway, I ought to thank you for saving my life that day."

"Saved it to send you right back to Danethar's abuse, right Lilith?" The anger faded, Ilsa's expression turning bleak as I offered my words of gratitude; she reminded me of Maddie. Even her words were an echo of the ones the healer had given me. "Sometimes I wonder if it would have been kinder if I'd chosen differently."

"And I wonder if it would have been best if I'd leapt from the observatory tower the day after the wedding, but it's not going to change the decision I _did_ make. So I just move on. I'd suggest you do the same."

"The tower," Ilsa repeated, slightly incredulous. "You were really going to jump?"

"Got up there and stood on the rail. Looking down over the city- I thought it would be the surest way to go."

"But you didn't."

"No, Ilsa. My courage failed me and I climbed down."

"You're not a coward," she disputed. "Dying is easy. Living day in and day out with this," she gestured to the house, "takes courage."

"I suppose so. Anyway, it's already mid-morning, so let's not waste any more time dwelling on the past."

Ilsa wanted to argue, I could see, but she swallowed it. I admired her tenacity misplaced as it was. She glanced at me in speculation.

"What about the bruises," she asked.

"Hmmm?"

"Did you want me to heal them?"

_Do I?_ I wasn't sure. It was one thing to know Ilsa had performed a healing by magic when I'd been unconscious; definitely another to let her do it now. She'd have to touch me- that much I knew from my trips to Maddie. Would that be weird? Was it worth it to take care of this issue? I decided it was.

"All right."

"Seriously?"

"You seem surprised that I agreed."

"Yeah, actually. You _do_ know this involves physical contact, right?"

"I've had it done before, so yes, I am aware."

"Where? You can't have gone to one of the palace healers. They would have told someone."

"I know of a healer in the city who provides services to…women like me. She's very discreet."

Ilsa was quiet for a moment as she digested that information.

"Does she know you as 'Renate', too?"

"Yes. She's discreet but not crazy. If she knew who I was, she'd likely pass on word to Berath or Julia. I'm just glad she wasn't still working in the palace while I lived there, or not even a false name would have done me any good." I shook myself out of those thoughts. "Anyway, let's get this over with. And you don't have to warn me- I know it's going to be uncomfortable."

* * *

Now that was an understatement. Loki wasn't sure why he'd offered, much less why Lilith would actually agree. But she had, and in the process had given him some interesting information about one of the 'bread crumbs' his game in the infirmary might turn up. Likely had already turned up, now that he thought about it. Julia had likely reached out to this healer about Renate, and had reported what she'd heard to his mother.

_Maybe it's time for 'Ilsa' to make another appearance in the ward._ Loki's only hesitation was knowing that he'd have to talk to his mother if 'Ilsa' did go to the infirmary. He didn't want to tip his hand that far until he was truly ready.

And speaking of ready…Lilith was waiting for 'Ilsa' to heal those bruises. Loki stepped close and raised his hands to her throat while Lilith avoided eye contact by staring at the wall behind him. She flinched the instant his fingertips touched her skin; he knew the reaction had nothing to do with pain, and tried to ignore that it bothered him. Instead, he focused on getting through this as quickly as possible. At least this injury wasn't nearly as bad as last time.

_She wasn't supposed to be hurt at all,_ he thought to himself angrily.

Danethar was supposed to leave her alone as part of their bargain, but Loki must not have been clear enough during their last 'conversation'. The first day he'd come back to find that the warrior was still hurting her, he'd made another trip to the Bifrost to have a word with Heimdall. The Watchman had agreed to 'overlook' Loki using his powers…so long as he confined them to just Danethar and only where it concerned Lilith. Convincing him hadn't been too difficult; the man had a weakness about him when it came to her.

_He's not the only one._

The slyly whispered words nearly rattled him badly enough to interrupt the last of the healing, but he held himself together. Lucky for Lilith, since he didn't want to think what damage could be done if he'd lost control of the healing magic. Loki repaired the last of the torn tissues in a final surge of power before confronting the damned voice.

_Are you implying that_ I_ do?_

_Do you dare to deny it?_

_ I have no weaknesses. I already told you- I'm not like the Asgardians._

_ Then you explain why you're healing injuries that would serve you better if you'd left them be. And why you're trying to prevent Danethar from touching Lilith when you know you'll need evidence to support those rumors you've been spreading._

_It's just temporary until I learn what I want to know about the gateways._

_ I look forward to your next excuse when this one runs out._

_ It's not an excuse!_

But of course, the voice had already slunk away. Loki suppressed a frustrated snarl to avoid confusing Lilith.

"That's done it, I think," he said aloud as she touched the skin gingerly. "But if he does it again tonight, the bruising…"

"Will likely look twice as bad tomorrow," she finished for him. "Maddie gave me a similar warning. So let's just hope his temper lands somewhere other than my neck tonight."

He bit back the impulse to say she would do better to hope Danethar didn't hit her at all. No sense in starting that argument again, so he switched topics.

"Any chance you're feeling up to working with the gateways today?"

They hadn't been able to the past few days because she'd been too drained from the last time. Loki was hoping today would bring more luck. The more days that went by, the more dangerous it was for him to keep up the ruse. He needed to make progress, and soon. Lilith hesitated, uncertainty plain.

"What if I can't turn it off?"

"If worse comes to worse, I'll knock you out to close it."

He'd meant that to sound like a jest, but immediately after the words left his lips Loki wished them back. Why would he even think about making light of something like that? He wouldn't ever hit her. Ever. And that realization filled him with alarm. Before this time with Lilith, he'd struck plenty of people- women included. Never a second thought or qualm about it. Now he did.

_Gods of the Allfather- do I have a weakness? I can't. It just _can't_ be true._

"Well, I suppose only if you promise to fix me up afterward," Lilith returned with a smirk. She must have seen his stricken expression, because the grin faded. "Oh come on, Ilsa, I know you were just kidding."

"How can you find something like that funny?"

"Lots of practice learning to laugh at things that probably aren't funny- or shouldn't be. Geez, let it go, would you?"

"If you say so."

"Let's see if I can recreate this gateway." She paused, as if thinking.

"What?"

"I was just wondering what daydream to visit."

"Is that really a question? I just assumed we'd go back to the pirates."

"Oh…well…I was actually thinking to switch to something else," Lilith mumbled with a slight blush.

It took him seconds to realize why she might be reluctant to go back to them. For some reason, she didn't want to face the last question the pirate had asked before she passed out and closed the gateway. Loki imagined it had something to do with some romantic relationship between him and her double in that realm. He might as well bring it up now or they'd dance around it forever.

"This is about the thing the pirate- the one that looks like me- said, isn't it? When he asked if I was his 'double' in Asgard?"

The blush deepened- a dead giveaway that his question was on the mark. It also told him that what he'd suspected about their relationship was likewise correct.

"Look," Lilith said hastily. "I have no idea how come Liam and you look so much alike. I've been visiting that realm in daydreams long before you ever started coming here. It's a coincidence, and not the most comfortable one for me to talk about. So can we just drop it?"

_Just imagine how uncomfortable you'd be if you found out who I _really_ am beneath this disguise._

He was tempted to find out how she would react if he dropped the disguise, but Loki reined in the impulse by telling himself that he'd ruin his game if he gave into it. Still, the lure to stir up mischief was difficult to resist; it was his nature after all. But she'd find out when all this was over, anyway. As consolation, Loki told himself that her reaction would be just as amusing then. He could wait. And in the meantime…he could find other ways to amuse himself.

"I suppose it's a little weird for you to discover that he…well, best as I can guess, he's your fantasy lover-"

"Ilsa, please don't finish that sentence. I beg you."

"-turns out to be me."

"And you just _had_ to say it."

"I think I did. Otherwise we weren't ever going to get over it."

"How do you think talking about this will make things any _less_ awkward?"

"Let's consider- it's not like it's the same thing as saying you're attracted to me personally." That thought rankled a bit, though Loki couldn't explain why. And while he was distracted, he nearly missed a lightning flash of _something_ in Lilith's eyes. But it was gone before he could identify what it was. Loki cursed himself for missing it. "And it's not like Liam and I are the same physical person. So I don't see what the big deal is."

"It's just…"

"Embarrassing. I know, I know. But seems to me your best shot at recreating the gateway link is to start with one you've already done instead of trying something new."

Lilith's jaw was set in a stubborn line, but he could tell she was stuck. He was right and she'd just have to admit to it, embarrassed or not. Minutes passed before she surrendered- albeit reluctantly.

"Fine. We'll go back to Micharea. I'll deal with explaining this to Liam…somehow. For all I know, the similarity in looks is truly coincidence and you're not really his double, anyway."

"How would we find out? How did you and the pirate Lilith know for sure? Your appearance and names might be coincidence, too."

"We…she reached through the gate and touched my hand. That's when we knew for sure."

"Well, there you go. Why worry about it until Liam and I-"

"_NO!_" she protested forcefully enough that it startled him.

"Why not?"

"Just don't do it, okay."

"It would put the matter to rest, wouldn't it?"

"I said no."

"What could be so bad about this that makes you so adamant?"

Lilith hesitated and chewed on her bottom lip. Loki was beginning to know that habit well. She always did it when contemplating what to do in a difficult situation. He didn't back down or offer her a way out of it. At last, she sighed.

"If you _are_ Liam's double, it will spark an intense…connection. You'll actually _be_ one another, sharing across the connection every memory, thought and experience you've ever had. There are some things the Lilith of Micharea might wish I'd not shared with her, and I don't know if she'll ever forget. You might not have a past as dark as mine, but I'd be wary of forcing someone else to live it before both of you are really ready to accept the consequences."

Oh Loki's past was plenty dark- in many ways, darker than Lilith's. He was suddenly glad of her warning, as he wasn't sure how this Liam would react if they were a match. Because it wouldn't be 'Ilsa's' life passed over that connection- not that false story he'd given Lilith; it would be Loki's. And even if the pirate could handle the truth…Loki wasn't entirely comfortable with someone else knowing everything about himself. Even if they _were_ the same person under the skin. He definitely didn't want Liam telling Lilith- either of them- who was really behind the disguise. Or about the things that other voice kept whispering. No. Best keep all that to himself.

"Ilsa?"

"Hmm?"

"You got this faraway look."

"Sorry- was thinking about what you said."

"You see now why I caution you not to leap into the whole doubles thing? I just want to save you the potential for a mistake that I've already made."

"Yeah, I see what you mean. Don't worry. I won't touch Liam."

* * *

Thank goodness for that. The last thing I needed was Ilsa to be privy to all the private moments that had gone on between me and Liam.

_Or should you say between the Lilith of Micharea and Liam? _The question came to me, unbidden, followed by another. _Aren't you just as much of an interloper as Ilsa would be? And worse- you've been eavesdropping for months. Years, even._

Not one of my proudest moments, I'll admit. Even though I couldn't have known that they were real people, I still felt guilty for having intruded where maybe I didn't belong. Or on so many other lives in other realms. How many moments had I stolen in my daydreams? Suddenly, I was feeling ill, and didn't want to try to open the gateway. Not today. Not ever again. Ilsa must have noticed the change in my expression.

"What now?"

"I don't think I can do this," I murmured.

"Sure you can. You've already done it for certain three times."

"No, I mean…I don't think I _should_ do this."

For a minute, I thought she'd explode with frustration. From her point of view, I suppose that reaction made sense. I would be frustrated with someone who couldn't make up her mind, too. But Ilsa didn't say a word, holding in whatever she must have wanted to yell at me. Instead, she studied me under a critical eye. I don't know what she saw, or how it changed her mind and staved off her temper. Ilsa certainly had a formidable temper at times, I had to admit.

"All right- what bothers you about creating the gateway?"

"It's not the gateway," I admitted. "It's what I've been doing over the past few months. What I used to do when I was a child, too, I guess. Stealing from their lives for my own entertainment."

"Stealing? You make it sound like you're some parasitic voyeur."

"Well they sure didn't invite me into their lives, did they?"

"How do you know they didn't and that's why you're able to do this?"

Trust Ilsa to make that sort of argument. I swear she could talk herself _out_ of anything and others _into_ just about anything. Rarely did I ever feel like I got the upper hand in our disagreements. This one would be another she'd win; I could just feel it.

"Come on, Lilith. At least try this once. And if you feel that bad about it- ask them. Then you'll know if you really worried over nothing."

We stared at each other until I broke eye contact. Beaten, as I expected to be.

"You are nothing if not relentless, Ilsa. I just hope you're also right."

"So we're doing this?"

"Yeah," I answered grimly. "I guess we are."

Taking a deep, slow breath, I focused my mind to the task. Picture the cave. Make the link. But trying to conjure the image of the treasure cave in Micharea was not as easy this time. I felt…blocked, almost. Was it them? Was it me? After a few unsuccessful minute with no result, I shook my head.

"I can't."

"Yes you can."

"Maybe yesterday was a fluke. An accident."

"Lilith, I swear you are the most irksome paradox of a woman I've ever met," Ilsa thundered at me, her temper brought back to life in full force. "All that talent and intellect and no drive or confidence to truly use either of them. It's maddening."

I thought her remark strange, especially for someone of her position and circumstance. Granted, our relationship was hardly a normal one for the Lady of the house and a maid. If pressed, I'm not sure if I could really call Ilsa a maid at all. I thought I'd been lying to Karin last week, but maybe it was closer to the truth than I'd realized. I don't know quite how it happened, but Ilsa was the closest thing I could ever call my friend. Quite possibly the only one I'd ever had.

_It's only been a few weeks, but already I feel like we've known each other for years. It's so bizarre and…unsettling._ In any case, her comment had sufficiently goaded me to fire back one of my own.

"Well, I suppose between the two of us, it balances out, because I've never met someone who possesses half your ambition."

"Is that such a crime?"

To me, she sounded defensive rather than angry. For a woman living in the servant class, I suppose she had to fight against many who _would_ find her ambition to be a threat and would want to cast her down for expressing it. Almost made me regret having aimed a punch at that sore spot- almost, but not enough to apologize. Still, I did have one thing I wanted to admit to her that would be enough.

"No, it's not. I envy you the tenacity to keep to your goals- though I really have no idea what they are. The truth is not many people have any, much less make any attempt to attain them. It's hard to find fault in anyone who does."

She'd expected me to say something else again. If she won most of our arguments, I at least was ahead when it came to stalling a conversation. Funny thing was that it was rarely intentional. I'm sure she thought otherwise.

"What about you, Lilith," Ilsa asked when she'd recovered from her surprise. "Do you have any goals- something you want out of this life?"

I thought for a moment.

"To live to tomorrow and forget yesterday. That's been my only goal since the Allfather wed me to Danethar. Not an easy one to achieve most days."

"That's…"

"Probably very depressing, I know. So if it will change the subject, I'll try again with the gate. Even failing at that would be preferable."

I didn't give her time to argue with me. I closed my eyes this time in hopes of picking up the daydream where we'd left off the other day. When I'd tried before, I'd kept them open, and that may have been my mistake- too much of a distraction. Not that knowing Ilsa was watching me was any easier to ignore, but at least I didn't have to see her staring back at me. I let go of the tension in my body and thought of the cave. Would Lilith and Liam still be there? Previous visits always brought me exactly to their location, even after days passed on my side. I hoped it would work the same now.

An image formed behind my eyes. Sure enough, it was the cave. Lilith and Liam were just as I'd left them- eyes riveted on me. I opened mine to see the gateway between us.

"Lilith- are you all right?" I heard my double ask. "You fainted and the doorway closed. Liam and I were worried you'd been hurt."

"No- not hurt. I'm fine. Just got a little light-headed."

Liam looked puzzled, and I couldn't help wondering what was wrong now. Hopefully he wouldn't start asking about Ilsa again.

"You're wearing a different dress," he said at last. "The other one was blue- that one is green."

I tipped my head down to glance at my clothes, as if I'd already forgotten what I put on this morning. Of course it was different from what I'd been wearing four days ago. But I could see why Liam might be confused if they had thought me gone for only a few minutes. Might as well explain that as well as I could.

"Uh, yeah. I think time passes differently between our worlds- or something like that. It's been four days for us."

"Four days! And you're just now getting back?"

Lilith sounded disappointed and disgruntled, and I avoided making eye contact with Ilsa, who I just knew had an 'I told you so' look on her face.

"It takes a lot of energy to maintain the connection and I needed to rest." _Partially true. Now go on and spill the rest._ "That and…well, I wasn't sure if you'd really want me to keep coming back like this. Now that I know Micharea is real, I'm not sure I ought to interfere."

Liam seemed to understand what I meant, nodding at me.

"Why'd you come in the first place," he wanted to know.

_What can I possibly tell him without revealing too much? _I could see his Lilith already knew my reasons, but was equally unsure how best to phrase them. Just as well; it was my question to answer, anyway. Might as well go with the story I told Ilsa. It was mostly true, and yet allowed me to avoid some of the more uncomfortable details about my life in Asgard.

"I read about pirates in books and found the adventure of their lives exciting. On days when things were dull here, I liked to borrow some of that excitement to pass the time. To see places that just aren't possible here."

"Sounds a bit like you and your map," he commented, turning to Lilith. "Wanting to find new worlds to explore."

"A familiar story indeed," she replied

Neither of them seemed too upset about the whole spying on them business. Probably because they hadn't realized yet just how much I had watched of their lives. Well, Lilith likely did, but Liam wouldn't know unless she told him. How did that work, anyway? If every time I came to visit this place they were right where I last left them, could she really have a conversation with Liam that I wasn't a part of? I honestly didn't know, and would likely never know. I still felt wrong about being here.

"I guess that's all I really had to say," I finished reluctantly. "I've had wonderful times visiting your world, but maybe it's time I stayed in my own."

"Wait, wait- just hold on. We never said you had to go," Lilith protested. She prodded Liam next to her. "Did we?"

"No, we didn't."

"But…"

"Besides, you've never even really _been_ here. You could try it- couldn't you? Walk through the doorway and see what it's really like here rather than watch as a bystander."

"Oh I don't think that would be a good idea…"

"Why not?"

That from all three of them. This was absolutely not fair. As if Ilsa needed anyone to help her- much less two of them. Hel, they even looked like us, so I'd be arguing against two of her and myself. Definitely put me at a disadvantage.

"What happens if two of the same person are in the same realm? I certainly don't know. It may collapse the gateway and maybe I won't be able to open it again. Or worse, what if one- or both- realms are ripped apart? I can't risk it."

"Well, if _you_ won't…" Lilith said. I knew her intentions before she finished the sentence.

"No- don't!"

"Then_ I_ will," she finished as she stepped through the portal. My heart stopped beating in sheer terror, and I fully expected the end of the world to come crashing down around us.

Nothing happened. My double stood patiently on the gravel pathway, as if she'd been standing there all her life. Birds still chirped in the trees over the garden wall. The sun shone overhead in a cloudless sky. The house stood on its foundation as it always had. And not a single thing happened.

"So- this is Asgard."

* * *

Heimdall had been monitoring Danethar's house closely this morning. As he had the past several mornings. But until today, he hadn't had any cause for concern. Lilith made no attempts to reopen a gateway between realms, and Loki seemed not to press the matter. The two of them spent the days in the music room or out in the garden, engaged in idle pursuits that surprised and confused him at first. But to his watchful eye, Heimdall was beginning to understand.

The God of Mischief was in love. Heimdall hadn't been mistaken when he thought he saw a hint of feeling towards Lilith that first day he caught Loki in the house. Since then, that feeling had apparently grown deeper. Which would explain his odd behavior-not to mention the god's confusion. In love Loki might be, but it was just as obvious to Heimdall that he didn't want to admit it.

_His love might be a double-edged sword for Lilith._ _I'm not sure what he may be capable of doing in his effort to deny having feelings for her. He could be more destructive than Danethar in the end._ If it came to that, he was resolved to break his oath. Heimdall hoped it wouldn't. If the gods were kind, maybe they'd see fit to give both Loki and Lilith a second chance. _You'd better not hurt her, Jotun,_ he vowed. _Or I'll see you brought so low that you'll _wish_ for the kindness of an execution._

Those thoughts were immediately interrupted when he felt the ripple of power he'd been dreading for days. Lilith had opened a gateway and was involved in conversation with people on the other side. But as the God of Mischief had promised, he made no move towards the portal. Loki stood next to Lilith as if he never considered crossing the boundary between worlds. What could he be up to? Feelings for Lilith aside, the god would never be content to be confined to Asgard the rest of his life. Eventually, he would use her to escape.

A woman stepped through the shimmery curtain separating the two realms. Heimdall's worry about Loki was displaced by alarm that an intruder had entered the city. He very nearly forgot his oaths not to sound a call to Sif and the others, but remembered just in time. So instead, he watched and waited. Intently. Then the woman turned back to the gate and Heimdall saw her face.

_Gods of the Allfather- she's the spitting image of Lilith!_

They were identical in almost every way, minus the clothes. Who was she and why did they look so alike? He had no answers to either of those questions. Heimdall narrowed his eyes as he turned his attention to Loki. Somehow, he'd have to summon the god in his disguise to the Bifrost to play another round of their game. He dreaded what questions Loki would want answers to in exchange for what Heimdall wanted to know.

But for now, he could only watch. The three women- well, two women and Loki- were engaged in an animated conversation. He wished he could hear what was being said. At length, they all came to some agreement, and the second 'Lilith' stepped back through the gateway. Shortly afterward, the link between the realms faded, as if it had never been there. Lilith sank wearily into a chair, rubbing her temples. She didn't see the concern on Loki's face, but Heimdall did. He wondered again how the god would choose when this all came to an end.


	16. Chapter 15: Torn Asunder

Thor was on a mission. The past few days since he'd spoken with his mother had turned up nothing but dead ends, but today he swore he'd find someone willing to tell him the truth about Danethar. Someone had to know what really lie behind the arrogant smile and over-confident attitude; Thor suspected something truly ugly lurked in the shadows.

And speaking of people with dark secrets to hide…he almost forgot about his task to keep an eye on Loki. Ever since this trouble with Danethar started, he'd given up discovering what his brother was up to. Mostly because it didn't appear he was up to _anything_. Hel, at this point Thor almost believed that he had nothing to do with the rumor about the warriors. Loki specialized in lies- what would he want with spreading the truth? And since Heimdall hadn't reported anything unusual on his watch, Thor found he had better things to do than play babysitter.

"You okay, Thor?" The sound of Timar's voice brought him back to the present. "You look geared up for a fight. Not sure if I want it to be against me."

"No, Timar, I was just…" he saw Danethar with his two cronies strut by and his scowl deepened. Timar must have noticed.

"I see. Well, I don't say I blame you there. Those three are turning into a real menace- giving the rest of us a bad name."

Thor turned to his friend, somewhat taken aback to hear the man speak so forcibly against the other warriors. What cause would Timar have to form that opinion? He crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow in question.

"In what way?"

"A few days ago, I invited them to my home," Timar began in a strained tone. "I noticed that Eckert was gone for a while, and went to look for him. Thor, I found the bastard cornering my maid, Marie, in the upstairs hall. He _claims_ she invited him up there, but I know Marie…she never would do such a thing."

Thor said nothing, letting the man continue before asking any questions of his own about the situation.

"What's worse- Danethar and Eckert just _laughed_ when I told them we're not supposed to take lovers with our servants. Laughed when I accused Eckert of pressuring Marie. Like they didn't even care. After they left, the poor girl nearly quit, and my wife forbade me from ever inviting those three to our home again. _She_ said she's heard enough about them from a few of her friends."

So he'd wasted all this time looking for information about Danethar when it was all so very close to him. Thor cursed himself for not having asked Timar his thoughts on Danethar sooner. He might have had all the proof he needed by now if he had. But dwelling on it wouldn't get him anywhere.

"Why didn't you inform me of this, Timar?"

Now the other warrior was surprised- and a little worried- at the stern edge in Thor's tone. Timar's brow creased with worry as he answered the question.

"I thought the matter settled if I did as Birgitta asked and denied them entry to my home going forward."

"Aye, that solved the matter for you and your household. But what of others? Perhaps the women working for other warriors haven't been as fortunate as your Marie. Did you know Danethar has a maid in his house? If these men are preying on women, that's something I want to stop, but I can't if no one tells me it's happening."

As Thor delivered his speech, Timar looked increasingly chagrined. By the time he'd finished, the warrior was downright ashamed. He cleared his throat several times before speaking.

"I should have said something. That was my error, Thor, and I regret not having thought of that myself."

"So long as you recognize where you made a mistake and can learn from it. I'll admit to my own failure, since I've suspected Danethar for a few weeks now and haven't said anything."

"Why not?"

"I didn't want to sow discord in our company without solid proof. It's not good for morale. But perhaps I was too worried about injuring their pride to do what was right."

"I don't think you should be so harsh. The approach has sense to it."

"Sense or not, it may have lost us both precious time- and not just us. Would you think Birgitta and Marie would speak with me about those three- especially Danethar?"

"Why him in particular? All three of them are a problem."

"Eckert and Willem are unmarried; Danethar, however…"

"Is not just married, but to your cousin, no less," Timar finished for him.

To Thor, it sounded almost like an accusation. He was letting a personal connection drive his attention to where it suited him, possibly giving the impression that he didn't care that Eckert had nearly raped Timar's maid. Or whatever else he and Willem may have done.

"I do not mean to let a personal interest dictate the course of my action against any of them. I will of course deal with Eckert and Willem just as thoroughly as with Danethar. But I just feel that I need to uncover the truth about him as soon as possible."

"Thor, _no one_ would fault you for wanting to protect your cousin."

The words stung, even if his friend hadn't meant them to. To him, they rang hollow- he hadn't given much thought at all to Lilith until the rumors started. He hadn't thought to protect her before she was given to Danethar, or even to wonder why she never visited the palace after the wedding. He should have. After all, she may have moved into her own house, but she was still family.

_But never _treated_ like family, was she? Even Loki saw more attention from Frigga and Odin than Lilith ever did. She was always the afterthought at every gathering and every function…if she was even a thought at all._ Maybe if someone _had_ thought of her as family, they would have seen this months ago. And again, the only thing he could do was push past the guilt of the past to start changing the present.

"I'm glad to hear you say it," he admitted finally.

"Not at all. Let's see about making a quick visit to the house. I'm sure that Birgitta and Marie would be happy to talk to you about Danethar."

They discussed other things on the walk to Timar's home. Training, some of the recent developments and projects in the city, and the like. But Thor suspected that in the back of their minds, thoughts of Danethar were still nagging at them. He was relieved when they finally came to the house so he could get this over with. Marie greeted them at the door, her eyes widening when she saw him.

"Welcome home, my Lord. Prince. Please, do come in. Can I get anything for either of you?"

"Marie, would you find Birgitta for me and tell her to meet us in the front salon? When you do, be sure to come along with her."

"Yes, my Lord."

She hurried away, leaving them to find the salon for themselves. Despite the bleak reason behind the visit today, Thor always enjoyed coming to Timar's home. Even more so after his experience at Danethar's. The furnishings and size might not be as large, but the feel of the place was always warm and welcoming. Lady Birgitta was a good match for the warrior and it showed.

"Timar, what's behind the sudden visit," asked the woman in question as she entered the room. Behind her, Marie slipped in and closed the door. "Hello to you, Thor."

"Good day to you, Lady Birgitta."

"My love, I was talking with Thor about what happened the other day…"

"You mean when those animals made their _last_ appearance in this house," she spat venomously as Marie paled. "What of it?"

"Calm down, love. Thor was concerned about it and wanted to know if you both would tell him what happened, and anything else you may have heard about Lord Danethar."

Both women shared a glance before Birgitta stepped further in to the salon. She stood behind a high-backed sofa and gripped its frame with both hands. Marie fussed with the skirts of her gown and looked away from Timar and Thor. Strange behavior to his eyes, but to be fair, females were strange most of the time. At length, Birgitta spoke.

"Will it do any good if we do?"

"I'm not sure what you mean."

"I mean I've already told you what I've heard of those three. You saw what Eckert did here. Nothing has changed. They're still out there, getting away with whatever they want. So what's the use in repeating ourselves?"

Bitter words, and ones Thor had never expected to hear the kindhearted woman say. But he wasn't entirely surprised at her rancor. How long had those three been a problem known only to the women of Asgard because men like him and Timar hadn't been paying attention? Likely longer than Thor wanted to admit. He sought to ease her well-placed frustration.

"Lady Birgitta we've been remiss and failed to understand the seriousness of the problem. I assure you, we will not make that mistake again."

She eyed him dubiously, but skirted around the sofa to sit down. With a wave, she invited Marie to join her. Two pair of brown eyes bored into him.

"They're monsters. All three of them. Soulless, lecherous monsters who care only about what pleases them- no matter what harm it does to anyone else."

"For example…." He prompted as soon as he could speak.

"Go on," Birgitta nudged the maid encouragingly.

"Eckert tried to bed me," Marie whispered timidly as tears filled her eyes. "I didn't want to…a-and I don't think he would have stopped if my Lord Timar hadn't come upstairs."

"It's okay, Marie." Birgitta wrapped a comforting arm around the maid, her eyes never leaving Thor's. "He won't be back and can't hurt you again."

"He could get me like he got Sofia. She was out running errands when he got her. Had his way with her in an alley where no one saw or heard anything."

"Is Sofia a friend of yours?"

"_Was,_" Marie corrected him, her voice muffled by the fabric of Birgitta's gown. "She's dead. Poisoned herself because she couldn't live with the shame or the fear that he'd come back for her again."

It was worse than he thought. Worse than Timar thought, too. Thor had been expecting accounts of young women lured by experienced men into becoming lovers. Maybe a few times when they were struck or hurt in some way. But what he'd just heard was outright rape. Gods of the Allfather, the woman had _killed_ herself. He could not let these men get away with it.

"Eckert will be dealt with," Thor told them. "He will be made to account for his crimes and I'll see he's not allowed to commit another."

Marie raised her head slowly and wiped away tears. Even the hard look in Birgitta's eyes had softened, and she nodded.

"I hope so, Prince. I truly do."

After a pause, he dared ask his next question, "And what can you tell me of Danethar?"

Steel crept in again and her whole expression filled with loathing.

"I haven't _seen_ anything about _that_ one. Not in person. But I have friends, and they've told me much about him."

"Such as?"

"He's smarter than the others, for one. Doesn't force himself on a woman outright from what I hear. But he's quick to find one who is insecure or weak-willed. That's when he goes to work. Smooth talker, he is. Will tell her anything to get her into bed."

_Almost sounds like Loki, except my brother would never waste his talents on physical conquests,_ Thor thought to himself.

"Is that all?"

"Far from it," Birgitta replied bitingly. "Once he's got her, then he becomes the true monster. Ruthless in bed, is what I hear. But he's got them trapped- too afraid to tell anyone the trouble they're in, so they can't stop him from coming back. Again and again. Until he's bored and moves on to another victim."

A pit formed in his stomach. The monster Birgitta just described was married to his cousin. The Allfather had actually wed her to him. How had he not seen the horror beneath that grinning façade? How had _none_ of them seen it? Thor wanted to hope that Danethar's cruelty extended only to his mistresses, venting on them things he wouldn't dare do with his own wife. Deep down, though, he knew a man like that would dare anything.

_Oh cousin, what have we allowed Danethar to do to you? Why haven't you said anything?_

"Prince? Are you okay?"

"No," he replied hoarsely. "No, I'm not."

"You don't think…not with Lady Lilith," Timar began. Birgitta and Marie said nothing aloud, but their eyes confirmed what he already suspected.

"That's exactly what I think, Timar. I have to find a way to get her and the maid, Ilsa, out of that house."

* * *

Despite his better judgment, Loki went to the infirmary this afternoon, disguised as 'Ilsa'. He needed to know what they could tell him about this Lilith's healer, Maddie, and what they may have told his mother about her. So he'd accepted the almost certainty that they'd alert Frigga of 'Ilsa's' return, and planned for that outcome.

"Ilsa!" cried Julia the moment he entered the ward. "You've been gone so long we were beginning to worry. Are you well?"

"I'm fine," he said quickly. "I've been kept busy lately at work, so I couldn't find time to come back."

"How is your friend, Renate?"

"She's…better."

Julie weighed his answer carefully before turning to another female healer. Loki hadn't seen that one before, and assumed she must be a new apprentice.

"Lauren, would you see this delivered to Lord Holger while Ilsa and I talk? He's expecting word about one of his medicines."

He tried not to smile knowingly as the healer blatantly lied. He knew exactly what she'd written on the note she pressed into the other woman's hand. No doubt he had very little time before Frigga would arrive in the infirmary. At best, fifteen minutes if she wasn't in the palace. Loki had to be quick, then, to do what he came here to do. And so once they were alone, he decided to be blunt with Julia. Not usually his style, but it served his purpose.

"Something has changed since I was here last. What is it?"

"I want to start out saying that you've done nothing wrong, Ilsa."

Immediate red flag. And if Loki was truly the maid he was pretending to be, he'd be scared witless at hearing such a thing. If the healer thought she was offering comfort, she'd missed her mark. As it were, though, Loki had nothing serious to fear from this woman. He already knew what she was going to tell him, after all. Might as well get on with it so he could find out what he wanted to know.

"But?"

"But we know you don't work in the palace."

"I thought," he stopped short. "I thought you wouldn't see me if I didn't say that."

"We would see anyone who came to us for help."

"Oh…so is that all?"

"I'm afraid not," Julia replied. "Come and sit. You and I need to talk about your friend."

"You didn't tell the others about her, did you," he answered, feigning panic. "You _promised_ you wouldn't!"

"I know I did. But you must believe me, Ilsa, I only did what I thought was necessary. Your friend sounds like she's truly in danger with this lover she's seeing. Do you understand?"

"Of course she's in danger. Why do you think I didn't want anyone to know about it!?"

"Calm yourself. We're going to help Renate. I promise."

"You're going to get her _killed_," he insisted, letting the tone in 'Ilsa's voice notch a bit higher- a bit louder. "Please, just leave her alone."

"How bad is it, Ilsa?" Julia continued patiently. Loki was impressed that she could be so calm when faced with an almost hysterical woman screaming at her. "A friend of mine says she's helped a woman named Renate for a while now. Giving her healing supplies, she says. Do you know if Renate has gone to her for healing like you've seen us do here?"

"Maybe," he offered grudgingly in a more subdued tone. "She said she'd gone to a woman named Maddie a week or so ago. Said she was feeling pretty bad and needed her help."

"And you're sure you can't tell me who this lover might be, or who Renate works for?"

"No, I can't."

"I suppose I can't make you tell me," Julia conceded.

"Perhaps not," said a familiar voice from behind them. "But I can."

Loki turned on his heel to see his mother in the entrance, flanked by Lauren and Berath. He reminded himself not to greet her as he was accustomed to doing; she'd see right through the disguise if he did. Dangerous enough for her just to see him, given that 'Ilsa' shared so many of his own coloring and features. No need to give her any more reason to suspect him. So instead, Loki bowed his head and curtsied.

"My Queen."

Frigga strode over to him, hardly acknowledging that he'd spoken. If he didn't know better, he'd think she was annoyed by having been summoned here. But he did know better. Knew enough to see that she was trying to mask her apprehension and fear for the outcome of this meeting. As well she should be nervous, given what she'd told him the other day.

"You will tell me the truth about this friend of yours, Renate. Is her lover one of the palace warriors?"

Fortunate for her, that was a question he was already planning to answer honestly. She would not be so lucky with future ones, he wagered.

"Yes, my Queen. I believe he is."

"Do you know his name?"

"She has never told it to me." _A lie within the truth. _True because Lilith had never needed to tell him who was abusing her; a lie because that wasn't really an answer to his mother's question. But she would- and did- see it as if he had.

"Very well," she replied stiffly. "We'll get back to Renate in a minute, but right now I want to hear more about you, Ilsa. Are you or are you not the same woman who works in the house of Lord Danethar?"

Loki knew he couldn't risk a lie to this question. Frigga would only need bring him to Thor and he'd confirm that he was. The trouble would be more than it was worth. Besides, he already had a plan to deal with Frigga. Though he was loathe to give a repeat performance of the one he'd given his brother, it would be the most effective to guide her suspicions on a path of his choosing.

"Yes, my Queen."

"I thought as much. My son tells me that you may think yourself in love with your employer. Is that true?"

The question came up much more quickly than Loki had anticipated, as he'd thought she would want to know more of the details of how he came to work for Danethar and Lilith. Less lies for him to feed her- not to mention to keep track of- so it was just as well she didn't. It was time to put on his act for her. He pretended to be shocked that Thor had betrayed 'Ilsa's' trust.

"I only said that he's an attractive man- the kind I might want to find for myself one day. I don't want to take my mistress's husband away from her. It wouldn't be right."

"I didn't say you did, or would. I only asked if you harbored some feelings for the man."

"I-I…"

"I'm not condemning you for it if you do," Frigga assured him quickly. "We can't always control our feelings. I am just trying to sort out the truth."

_Are you, Mother? Are you really? Or are you hoping for a lie that will keep the truth- and your guilty conscience- at bay? I know where I'd lay my bets on that score._ Not that it mattered to him why she was asking, since it didn't affect how he would answer.

"Maybe a little," Loki allowed, sounding reluctant and a bit nervous. "But I'd never tell him or do anything about it. Please don't make me go to another employer. I really do like working for Lady Lilith."

"Of course not. That's something only you can decide, and I urge you to think about it, Ilsa. You may enjoy your position with the Lady, but is it really fair to any of you to stay when you have an attraction for your master?"

"I…don't know."

"Think on it. That's all I ask. But, speaking of Lilith…"

_Here it comes. The question Mother's been dreading to ask since she walked into the room._

"Yes, my Queen?"

"Is she the woman you've been helping when you come to Lady Julia with questions about healing? Is she Renate?"

Now it was time to be what he was: the God of Lies, blessed with the silver tongue. He'd given her just enough of the truth over the course of their conversation that he knew she would be convinced by whatever he said now. Or at least enough to stop any further questions. Loki kept his expression blankly confused for a few minutes before pretending to grasp what Frigga was asking, and then shook his head vigorously in denial.

"Oh no, my Queen. How could she be? She's married to Lord Danethar and he would _never_ hurt anyone. I just know it. Trust me- Renate is just a friend of mine. She and I grew up together."

A fair exchange. One truth for one lie. Loki watched his mother accept both, although somewhat unwillingly. Deep down, she likely knew 'Ilsa' was lying to her, but couldn't provide a reason enough to press her suspicions. As she dealt with her own thoughts on his answer, Loki marked the surprise on the healer's faces when she'd asked about Renate and Lilith. Obviously, Frigga hadn't shared that particular revelation with them the last time she was here, or since. Loki was far more concerned about the thoughtful look on Julia's face.

_She's going to ask Maddie what Renate looks like_, he realized in alarm. _Lilith's features aren't so common that she won't know immediately that 'Renate' and Lilith are indeed the same person_.

He'd have to find some way to keep Julia away from Maddie until he was ready to end the game. But right now, his mother still held his attention. She studied him closely for several minutes, and Loki wondered if she could somehow see through the disguise. He waited nervously for her to give some indication either way, and was relieved when the sharp look faded.

"Very well, Ilsa. I believe we're finished for the day, but I may summon you back to the palace in the future regarding your friend, Renate. Or your mistress, Lilith."

"As you wish, my Queen."

With that, Loki escaped the infirmary and breathed a sigh of relief that it hadn't been any worse. That relief was short-lived, however. No sooner had he rounded the corner, Loki nearly ran into Thor, who looked equally surprised to find Ilsa in the palace. They stared at one another mutely until his brother found his voice.

"Ilsa what are you doing here in the palace?"

Again, Loki was trapped into telling the truth. Beyond aggravating just how often he'd had to do so in the past few weeks. Never would he have thought that one of his schemes would involve so just as much truth as lies. Like now, as Frigga could easily unravel any lie he tried to use to cover up his true purpose for being here. He resented that he was constantly thwarted by both of them lately, even without Heimdall's interference.

_I should have used a different disguise in the infirmary, _he admitted. _A different shell with a different name wouldn't have made a difference in them believing the story about Renate, but would have made it much less likely that Thor and Frigga would have connected the woman with Lilith's maid this early in the game._ What was done was done, though, and Loki had no choice but to move onward with the hand he'd dealt to himself. Flaws included.

"I, um, came to the infirmary to ask for some advice for a friend of mine," he answered with a slight stutter.

"Who," Thor demanded sharply. "What friend- Lilith? Please tell me it's not for Lilith."

"No- her name's Renate."

Thor ran a hand roughly through his hair and sighed heavily. He looked…very distressed.

"Another name to add to my list," he muttered grimly. In a louder voice, his brother pinned Loki with another question. "Who is responsible- Eckert? Willem? Danethar? How bad is it?"

Loki was thrown completely off-guard by the edge in his brother's voice. And by the names he'd just thrown at him. He'd expected to hear Danethar's, but not Eckert and Willem. They were- he tried to recall where he'd heard those names before- cohorts of his? Why was Thor asking about _them_?

"W-what?"

"Or is it someone I've not heard about yet? Ilsa- I need to know who's behind this. I've already heard about one woman who's lost her life on account of these men- I won't see it happen again."

Thor was deadly serious, and that gave Loki pause to think. To see him in a slightly different light than usual. Perhaps his brother wasn't quite as dim-witted as he appeared to be. Somehow, the truth about his precious warriors had penetrated into his brain, and he was actually investigating what was going on. Miraculous as it may be to see hope for the man's intellect, it couldn't have come at a worse time for Loki. The last thing he needed was a shining spotlight on what he'd hope to reveal by degrees.

_I may be forced to rethink the timing of my game. The pawns have stopped playing by my rules, though I don't quite recall giving them permission._

"I…I don't know his name," he replied, sticking to his earlier lie. "Renate doesn't tell me who it is."

"Damn," Thor swore virulently. "Look, Ilsa, I know what you think you know about Danethar, but you _have_ to get away from that house. After what I heard today…" he paused significantly. "…if you can convince my cousin to go with you, take her somewhere Danethar can't find you."

Now Loki was well and truly alarmed. Just what had Thor discovered, and from whom? From the seriousness of his tone, it sounded to him as though he'd heard everything. Not good. Loki was almost certain that his game was over. He scrambled to take back control before it was too late.

"But why? My Prince, I don't know what you've heard, but I've never seen…"

"I know. You're going to say he's been only kind and pleasant to you. But I'm telling you that's not the man Danethar truly is. You need to get away before you become another of his victims. Now look, I need to speak with my mother. Can I trust you to do as I ask?"

"I can't tell Lady Lilith that I'm leaving- and especially not if I'm to say her husband is some kind of monster."

"Yes you can. And please, if you care about your mistress at all, get her back to the palace."

"I can't believe that my Master is what you say."

Loki thought his brother was going to explode in frustration, and with good reason. No doubt 'Ilsa' was truly trying the last of his patience with her naïve stubbornness.

"I really don't have time to argue this. If you won't believe me, then at least go back to the house and do what you can to keep Danethar away from my cousin- and yourself- until I can get things sorted out here. Now _go_."

With that, Thor gave 'Ilsa' a gentle shove in the direction of the palace doors. Loki half-turned to see him vanish around the corner. Presumably in search of Frigga to relate his news about Danethar. He had to do something before Thor ruined everything. No help for it, he quickly scanned the hallway for any potential witnesses. None. Loki dropped the disguise and turned to follow the way his brother had gone. If he didn't arrive too late, maybe he could stop this.

* * *

Ilsa hadn't been back today, but I hadn't expected her to be. She'd said she needed to take care of some business with family and it would likely take the whole day. I really didn't care if it was true or not, though it well could be. Ilsa wasn't telling me the whole reason she was determined to be my constant shadow, but that didn't mean she didn't have family. Besides, it gave me a break after the excitement from yesterday. I doubted I'd be up to creating any portals for another day yet, and wasn't sure I was ready to make good on the promise I'd made.

The three of them had convinced me to try to cross the gateway into Micharea. I still wasn't entirely sure it was a good idea- or even _safe_, but they'd worn me down. Once again, I grumbled to myself that Ilsa didn't need help winning arguments. In any case, today I'd spent my time seeing to things that hadn't been attended to in weeks. Cleaning that Ilsa should be doing as part of her 'job', I supposed. With all that done, I'd come out to the garden to enjoy the last of the evening sun.

Heavy boots crunched against the gravel; I didn't need to turn my head to know who they belonged to, but I did anyway. Danethar, and he looked to be in a vile temper. Swallowing the knot of fear that had climbed into my throat, I stood and faced him.

"Where is she," he demanded. "Where is that simpering little slut, Ilsa?"

"She's with her family."

"She's supposed to be _here_. We made a bargain and I've kept mine. It's damn well time she's kept hers."

_Oh no…no, Ilsa. What have you done? What did you promise him?_ Oh but I knew what she must have promised him.

"I don't understand," I lied. "I wasn't aware…"

"No you wouldn't, would you? Too stupid, just as usual."

"I…"

"I'll explain it to you, then. Your pretty little maid is a damned liar. She promised to give me her body- in trade for yours. You really didn't wonder why your nights have been so free lately? How stupid are you?"

I had wondered. Had wondered but didn't want to guess at the reason why. He eyed me as I stood, silent.

"Maybe not so stupid after all. Did you put her put to it, bitch? Thought you could have her string me along this whole time?"

The tone of his voice was dangerous. Whatever Ilsa had been trying to do, I hoped _this_ wasn't what she'd had in mind. Because I knew how the rest of tonight would play out. I shivered involuntarily as I tried not to imagine what Danethar would do to me. He saw it and smiled.

"I thought so. I hope it was worth it, Lilith, because now you'll pay all the more dearly for cheating me out of what was rightfully mine."

I didn't try to deny it, knowing that it would only fuel the rage. The only way I'd survive this was to submit and not resist.

"Nothing to say in your defense? Not even an admission of guilt? Don't worry, I know how to make you confess."

Closing my eyes, I prepared myself for a blow, but it didn't come. I heard the sound of splintering wood instead and snapped them open again to see him ripping apart the garden trellis. Without a thought to myself or what it might cost me later, I tried to pry him away from his destructive intent. Danethar merely laughed as he shook me off him. In minutes, the whole trellis with its delicate vines had been ripped out of the ground. After that, he turned to the other beds, using a sharp hoe to dredge up the blooming flowers and grinding the bulbs underfoot.

"No- Danethar, please don't!"

"This is _my_ land, Lilith. I own it. I'll do what I please with it- just like I'll do what I please with _you_. A lesson you need to be taught- yet again."

He continued with his work, leaving no plant unmolested. Not a single inch of the garden was spared. I watched him- helpless- as tears brimmed and fell. Everything and anything I cared about- all destroyed. The garden had been the one thing I'd had left. I stared at the mangled remains, grief so deep it numbed me into a kind of stupor. I didn't even notice when Danethar had come up behind me, finished with his gruesome handiwork.

"Now it's your turn, bitch," he snarled in my ear. "And I better not hear any of your whining while I'm at it. I'm going to get those nights back- the ones you and that little slut stole from me. I'll get them back in full from you and her both."

Danethar clamped a hand over my arm and hauled me out of the garden. I was so numb inside that I hardly felt it. Not even when we'd reached his room. Or when he ripped my dress and discarded it on the floor. Not even when he shoved me roughly onto the bed before dealing with his own clothes. The emotional pain was so deep that I thought no physical pain could touch me.

I was very, _very_ wrong.


	17. Chapter 16: Aftermath

It had taken every ounce of talent he'd had, but Loki had managed to contain the situation with Thor yesterday. He'd caught him before he could enter the infirmary, and convinced him _they_ should talk before Thor went to Frigga. And lucky for him, his brother was inclined to see that as a good idea, telling him of his less than positive experience the last time he'd gone to her about the issue. Loki wasn't surprised that Thor hadn't recognized why Frigga had reacted the way she had, given that he couldn't know her involvement in Lilith's dire situation.

Nevertheless, Loki didn't care why Thor was willing to discuss his news with him, only that he never made it to Frigga. And what news his brother carried to him from Lord Timar and his household. Danethar's poisonous influence seemed to grow stronger every day. He just needed to hold back the tide of evidence a little longer, and all three of those parasites would get what was coming to them. To do that, he need only plant a strong sense of doubt in Thor's mind, citing Frigga's previous reaction as primary concern. Loki told his brother that he was concerned that she would see only rumors unless someone came forward to her personally. Thor reluctantly agreed with him, and decided to speak with Timar and his wife again before bringing anything before Frigga.

It had been a _very_ close call. Too close for comfort.

Today, he was headed back to Danethar's house, hoping to get Lilith to practice more with the gateways. He'd gotten her to promise that the next time they contacted the pirates, she'd try crossing over to the other realm- knowing damned well that she really didn't want to. So she would never expect his true intent was to make an alternate avenue of study sound more attractive. Like exploring whether she could create a gateway to an existing place in Asgard…and maybe Midgard. Because that was the key thing he wanted most. As fascinating as Micharea was, Loki wanted to escape to someplace a little more to his liking.

Maybe today he'd finally make the last step towards that goal so he could be done with this insanity with Danethar. If Lilith did manage to create a portal to Midgard, he was tempted to just step through and leave the mess to his brother to handle. Thor would see Danethar dealt with just fine without him.

_Could you do it? Desert Lilith and hope that Thor is capable of finishing the game you started? What if he doesn't?_

_Of course I can. And yes, he will._ Neither of those statements sounded as certain to his ears as Loki would have liked. He would never stay here in Asgard if he had the chance to escape. Certainly wouldn't stay for someone else- even Lilith.

_Would I?_

He tried to shake off the question, telling himself that he was complicating a simple matter. He'd get Lilith to create a gate for him and he'd be gone. Whatever happened to her afterwards regarding Danethar wasn't really his problem. Speaking of…wasn't that the man himself just ahead? Loki's steps faltered as the warrior spotted him and headed in his direction. Danethar had never approached 'Ilsa' outside the house, so this should be interesting.

"You," the warrior hissed in a low voice. "You broke our agreement, you little bitch."

Although Loki was hardly impressed by Danethar's show of temper, 'Ilsa' would be. So he pretended to be alarmed, eyes wide.

"I swear I didn't. Didn't the Lady tell you I had a family emergency last night? How could I leave them when they needed me?"

"Like the night before when it was a friend who needed your help," she sneered. "Or what was your excuse the night before that? You have so many."

"Don't worry, my Lord- I promise you'll be satisfied soon enough."

Danethar grinned, leaning in close to whisper in his ear. Loki wasn't entirely comfortable to have him that close, but didn't move away.

"Oh I'm already _satisfied_, Ilsa. Deal's off, but you can be sure I'll still expect to collect what _you_ owe me. Your mistress has already paid _her_ share."

He stepped back and walked on as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Meanwhile, Loki's heart was racing as he stood paralyzed in fear. Somehow, his hold on Danethar had failed. That shouldn't have happened; how had that happened? And what had he done to Lilith?

_You know what he's done_, the voice accused him coldly. _What did you _expect_ Danethar to do if Ilsa kept putting him off? You were the one playing with fire, but she's the one who got burned._

_Quiet! Just shut up. I can't think when you're chattering nonsense in my head._

_ Nonsense? Logic. Cause and effect. You of all people can recognize something as simple as that._

_ I refuse to listen to you._

_ Fine, then. Go to the house and see for yourself. And don't say I didn't warn you._

Loki didn't wait for the damned voice to finish, covering the streets and alleys in long strides until he'd reached the door to Danethar's house. Would have been there faster if he hadn't been hampered by his female disguise and clothing. How did women do anything if they had to wear dresses all the time? Berda tried to stop him as he charged through the kitchen but Loki didn't pay heed to her at all. He just kept going, rushing up the stairs. The main level was quiet. He passed the length of the hall, not bothering to look left or right until he came to Lilith's bedroom door. Loki steeled himself for what he'd find and peered inside.

Empty. The room was empty of any sign of Lilith. And so was the adjoining bathing room, which he checked next. Loki backed out of her suite and shut the door. He flicked a wary glance to Danethar's room. He'd managed never to see the other side of that door, and even now he hesitated. Lilith was likely in there, but Loki took the coward's way out. He'd check the rest of the house first before facing that room.

The conservatory was also empty; so were the parlor and dining rooms. No reason to look for Lilith upstairs. Loki had one last hope before he went back to Danethar's bedroom. The garden. He prayed that she'd be out there, and that the warrior had only been giving 'Ilsa' a good scare to ensure she'd keep her promise. He passed through the archway and stood blinking in the bright morning sun. When Loki's eyes adjusted, he hardly believed what he saw.

Destruction. Absolute, total destruction. He couldn't begin to call this a garden. Shredded plants and flowers lie strewn over the gravel pathways. Shards of broken wood stuck out of overturned soil. It was as if a massacre had taken place here. And for the strangest reason he couldn't explain, a lump formed in his throat. As if the sight of those butchered plants meant something to him. Amidst all that, Loki had almost overlooked the woman sitting stone silent on the ground, the mangled remains of a tulip bulb cupped in her hands.

Lilith.

He'd never felt so relieved to see someone in his life. She was fine. The garden was destroyed, but Danethar had spared her at least. They could fix this up, even if it took a week or two. Maybe the rest of the summer at worst.

_I thought you were going to leave- today if you could, didn't you say? Will she be fixing it herself, or have you changed your mind so quickly?_

_I'll leave whenever I want, _he snarled in frustration, not wanting to have the contradiction pointed out to him. Loki stepped over piles of wilting greenery to get to Lilith and crouched on his heels. She didn't look up or say anything to show that she'd heard his approach.

"Lilith?"

Still nothing. Loki began to feel a little uneasy. He tried reaching for the tulip bulb she held, and Lilith jerked backwards violently.

"Don't touch me!" she screamed at him.

"I wasn't going to," he answered cautiously. "Lilith, what's happened?"

She laughed brokenly, and Loki shivered at the sound.

"What do you _think_ happened here, Ilsa?"

"I can see Danethar's destroyed the garden," he answered, taking the easiest way out of that question. Then he asked one of his own. "But why?"

"Oh I think you know why." Lilith raised her head to look him in the eye. Only then did Loki notice the bruises marring her skin, and knew he'd tried to lie to himself. "If you were going to make a bargain, the least you could do was see it through. I'm not fond of paying _your_ debts. I have enough of my own."

He bowed his head, unable to face the haunting accusation in her eyes. Danethar had raped her again last night. And once again, it was his fault. Everything he did in this place just seemed to make life worse for her. Even when he'd tried to make it better. Nothing ever went as he planned. _So maybe it's time you stopped planning._ Was that the voice or his own thought? Loki wasn't entirely sure. But no matter where it had come from, he was almost ready to follow its advice.

Slowly, Lilith got to her feet, but she did not leave the garden. Loki didn't move at first, still not sure what he could even say to her. Even if Danethar hadn't raped her last night, he was still responsible for all this. Given how much he knew Lilith cared about the garden, it would have been pain enough. Danethar had ripped up one of the last bastions of joy she had in life. As if it hadn't been enough to wound her body.

Wounds.

_Gods of the Allfather- how badly is she hurt?_ Lilith didn't _look_ injured, but in that dress it was hard to tell what she could be hiding. Loki hesitated to ask, but found the courage to bring it up after a few minutes.

"Lilith?"

"What, Ilsa?"

"How badly are you injured?"

She didn't answer him, which was answer enough. Loki got to his feet and brushed the dirt from his clothes.

"Lilith, if it's bad and you need help…"

"No," she insisted firmly, backing away from him. "No, I can't allow…just no."

"All right," he accepted with resignation. "But if you won't let me help, would you consider going to that healer you know- Maddie?"

"Just because you return to try to put out the fire doesn't make up for setting it in the first place," Lilith snapped at him. "So pick one or the other. Either you're here to help or not. And if you're not, then I'd just as well see you get the Hel out."

She turned her back on him and went into the house. Loki remained where he was, feeling…wounded by her words. Not that she was wrong to say them. As usual, he'd been playing both sides of the fence. He'd just been hoping that Lilith wouldn't notice. Now she was telling him to make a choice and he was having more trouble than he expected with his decision.

_You know what you have to do._

_ Yeah, I do._

* * *

I didn't turn to see if Ilsa would follow me; I didn't care. After what I'd been through last night, I couldn't make myself care about anything today. Not Ilsa or her plan that set Danethar on me in the first place. Not the garden. Not the pains of my body, reminding me with every move of the horrors I'd experienced from dusk to dawn. I just couldn't care about any of it. I hadn't slept or eaten at all, merely wandering the house like a ghost of myself until I'd ended up in the garden where Ilsa had found me.

She wanted to pretend everything would be fine again. I would not let her delude herself that could ever be possible. Whether she intended this to happen or not, Ilsa had destroyed what mattered most to me. I would never forget that, even if the garden could be rebuilt better than it ever was. Never forget the moment Danethar had ripped out my heart with his bare hands and crushed it at his feet. I drifted into my room and lie down on the bed to face the wall.

_Go away, Ilsa. Go away and hurt someone else for a change._

Of course, she couldn't do that. I heard the unmistakable sound of the door opening. Footsteps padded softly on the rug, then stopped.

"Lilith."

"I said no."

"Lilith, I'm sorry."

Damn her, I almost could believe she meant it when she had that tone in her voice. It was all I could do to keep silent- to not give in to her apology.

"I never meant for any of this to happen. The garden…or…Lilith, I was trying to make him stop."

A tear found its way out somehow, rolling silently over the bridge of my nose to land on the pillow case. I stubbornly refused to let another one slip past me. Ilsa would _not_ see me cry. No one would _ever_ see me cry.

"I thought I knew what I was doing," Ilsa continued. "But I didn't. It was…a mistake. You weren't supposed to pay for it."

"Ilsa, please don't say anymore," I begged, voice thick as I nearly choked on the tears I was trying to keep inside. "Please, no more. I'll do whatever you want if you don't say another word."

She stopped talking, mercifully, and shifted her weight from one foot to the other. At last, she must have thought of something.

"Will you go to see Maddie?"

"Yes," I agreed wearily. "I'll go."

"Then that's what I want."

"Wait for me in the hall and I'll be out in a minute."

She retreated, footsteps muffled on the braided rug. I breathed a shaky sigh that nearly dissolved into a sob. Why did Ilsa insist on making this so hard for me? Didn't she understand that I couldn't handle anything emotional right now? One more thing weighing me down and I'd go under. If that happened, I wasn't sure I'd come up again.

_Stick to your promise, Ilsa. If you're ever going to listen to me, at least do it now and say nothing more about how sorry you are or how you never meant for me to get hurt. Because I _am_ hurt, and you're only making it worse by reminding me._

Carefully, I got out of bed and scrubbed the corner of the sheet over my face. That was as close to 'presentable' as I was going to get. Now to face Ilsa and the healing I'd promised to get from Maddie. She was right about that, I knew. But I could hardly admit that to Ilsa, nor would I if it could be helped. Satisfied that my emotions were packed away again, I yanked open the door and stepped into the hallway.

"Let's get this over with," I said to Ilsa, not pausing to glance in her direction as I continued down the hall.

We were silent as we exited through the kitchen. Berda made no attempt to ask me where I was going; likely, she already knew. The rest of our journey was likewise completed without a single word between us. For my part, I was focused only on getting to Maddie, seeing myself through what I knew would be a grueling healing, and getting back to the house. For hers, I imagine that Ilsa was unequal to the task of finding a conversation topic that wouldn't break her promise.

It made for a long, uncomfortable walk for both of us, but we survived it. I ducked into Maddie's shop and hoped she wasn't busy this morning. Today was not the day I wanted to wait around this place. But the small space appeared empty- even Maddie was absent. I worried that we'd made the trip for nothing and was about to turn away when she appeared from the back room. Her mouth flattened to a grim line when she saw me.

"I hope the reason you're here is because that woman with you needs my help," she barked at me, although not unkindly.

"I'm afraid…not."

Maddie placed her hands on her hips and glared at me.

"Didn't I tell you to be more careful? This is the _third_ time in almost a week and a half."

"I know."

"All right, I'll see what I can do. Come on to the back room."

Ilsa made a move as if to come with me, but I blocked her way. I could handle this, but not with her to witness what was going to happen. I'd lose it.

"No, Ilsa. You must stay here."

"But…"

"No."

She searched my face carefully, as if trying to ascertain some secret as to why I wouldn't want her to come with me. Afraid that she would, I backed away and escaped to the healing room as quickly as possible. Who would have ever thought that I'd ever be grateful to see the inside of _that_ room? Maddie was waiting for me and gave me a strange look.

"What was that about?"

"I didn't want her to come in here to see this."

"Any particular reason why not?"

"I just don't."

Maddie said nothing to my terse reply and I shrugged out of the gown.

"Gods of the Allfather, what's he done now!?" she exclaimed when she saw me. I wished she hadn't been so loud, since Ilsa likely overheard her.

"Shhh…" I warned her with a nod to the door. "I know it's bad, but she doesn't need to know it."

I hopped up onto the table and stared at the ceiling. It was an all too familiar sight these days. Meanwhile, Maddie went to work. While she did so, she continued talking. Unusual for her.

"Who is the chit, anyway? A friend of yours?"

"In a manner of speaking," I gasped through clenched teeth as her power channeled through me. "Her name's Ilsa."

"Ah, so _that's_ Ilsa."

"What do you mean by that," I demanded, suddenly alarmed and no longer caring about the discomfort of the healing. How did Maddie know who Ilsa was?

"Lady Julia from the palace came asking about you a little while ago. Not long after the last time you came to see me, in fact. They asked if I'd seen you here with a woman by the name of Ilsa. I said no, of course, since you've always come in alone. At least until now."

"Why were palace healers asking after me?"

"Seems this Ilsa was asking questions about healing stuff for a friend of hers and gave them your name. Being friends with Lady Julia up there, when this Ilsa stopped showing up and they couldn't find her, she came to me for help."

"Dammit," I swore. "What does she think she's doing?"

"Probably wanted to help, if she's seen you in a state like this before, I'm guessing."

Which was what any normal person who didn't know my particular history _would_ think. And maybe she had. Who knew with Ilsa what she was doing up there. But the last thing I needed was Lady Julia or any of the others to come asking around here. If Ilsa told them anything of what I looked like or they happened to ask Maddie for any reason…my secret would be out. If it wasn't already.

* * *

Loki stood awkwardly in the main part of Maddie's shop, listening to the conversation going on behind the closed door. In some ways, he was glad Lilith hadn't let him go in with her, not sure he really wanted to see what damage Danethar had done. On the other, it made it more difficult to hear what they were saying- about him in particular. Lilith did not sound happy about 'Ilsa's' visits to the palace healers, and would no doubt give him an earful about it on the way back. But it sounded like Julia hadn't been back yet, so Renate's true identity was still Lilith and his secret. Loki hoped it'd stay that way just a little longer.

"All right, I've done all I can do," he heard Maddie say after some minutes of silence. "The rest will have to heal on its own. And I mean it this time. Keep him away for at least a day. Best if it's more than two or three, but I'm realistic."

"And if I don't get one?"

A very significant pause.

"Lilith, one more time like this and no power of mine is going to heal you. Nor anyone else's. What's done might just become _permanent_."

Permanent.

The word echoed inside his mind ominously, filling Loki with dread. He didn't know what injuries Maddie meant or how severe they could be, but his imagination conjured the worst. After the most recent setback with Danethar, 'Ilsa' wasn't going to be able to charm him into leaving her alone again. Not without doing something…drastic. Even if he was of the mind to go _that _far, Loki wasn't so sure Danethar would even go for it. So if he didn't think of a better plan before tonight, the healer's dire prediction would be a certainty. But for once, nothing was coming to him. The door opened and Maddie stepped into the main room. She closed the door behind her, leveling a cool stare his way.

"She'll be out in a minute. Meanwhile, you and I are going to talk, Ilsa." He didn't like the sound of that. "You're the one who healed her, weren't you?"

"I…uh…maybe."

"How bad was it?" His eyes darted to the closed door, but Maddie shook her head. "I repeat the question- how bad was it?"

"She was almost dead when I got there the next morning," he answered truthfully, though he wasn't sure why. He certainly didn't owe this woman any answers, despite how insistently she demanded them.

"I don't know what you are, but you'd better be good at what skills they've been teaching you up there."

"I wasn't…"

"Because if Renate keeps on this way, she's going to need all the help she can get," the healer continued without waiting for his denial. "Now tell me what you know about this husband of hers."

"He beats and rapes her. What's it matter who he is?"

"I have ears, Ilsa. I hear things. So I know there's a particular trio of warriors causing problems for a lot of young women in Asgard. Maybe even for you- I don't know- but I _do_ know that only _one_ of them is married."

"It's not…"

"No? Two visits ago, she almost said his name. Probably thought I didn't catch it, but I did. And when Julia comes asking questions that starts me thinking. So are you going to tell me her name, or am I going to have to drag it out of you?"

"She told you- Renate."

Maddie folded her arms across her chest and pinned him with a look. The woman truly was intimidating, he admitted grudgingly. Loki flailed for some response that wouldn't wreck Lilith's cover. Finding none, he was about to do the unthinkable when the door opened again. Lilith pushed past Maddie, grabbed his wrist and made a beeline for the door to the alley. They were already halfway into the street when she turned around to bid farewell to the healer.

"Thanks for seeing me, Maddie, but Ilsa and I must be going. I've been gone too long already and don't want to incur any more wrath than I need to. I'll try to stay off his bad side."

The last of her words were barely out of Lilith's mouth when she slammed the door behind her.

"What. The shit. Were you _doing_," she threw at him angrily. "The _one_ time a lie would have been appropriate and you're standing there with nothing clever to say."

"It's not my fault," he argued back, knowing damn well it was.

"No? Who's been asking questions to the healers at the palace, sending them here to nose around?"

Lilith didn't give him the chance to respond, storming off in the direction they'd come. He ought to be annoyed, but anything was better than the haunted look she'd had when he found her in the garden. Or the desperate tone in her voice when they'd been in her bedroom, which was as close to crying Lilith had ever been in front of him. Anger was much easier to deal with- scared Loki much less.

That seething temper carried her through the whole journey to the house and all the way past Berda, who watched them with knowing eyes. They were especially piercing as they passed over him. Loki kept his gaze carefully away from the cook's as they climbed the stairs. Somewhere near the top, though, Lilith's anger collapsed on itself. Her foot faltered for a moment, but she kept going. Only when they'd reached the doorway to the garden did she stop altogether.

"Lilith?"

"I can't go back out there," she told him flatly, eyes straight ahead. "I won't."

"Fair enough. We'll do something else today."

"Do _what_? There's no point in doing anything."

No- she couldn't start thinking like that now. Loki had come so far and was so close to finding the answer to the gateways. He'd put everything in motion and just couldn't accept that she would fail him now. More than anyone, she was the key to everything, and without her, it all fell apart. Lilith couldn't just give up. He had to find something to distract her.

"Lilith, you can't mean that."

"I most certainly do."

"What about the gateways and your talent? Isn't that something of worth to you?" She shrugged indifferently, so he tried again. "What about music- we could play for a while and you'll think of how to fix up the garden again."

That elicited a response from her. Lilith turned her head to look at him bleakly. Her words were no less depressing.

"Fix it for Danethar to tear it apart again? Why bother? Maddie said it- Hel, _you've_ said it- it's just a temporary fix in an unending cycle. Heal to be broken again. Easier to just stay broken."

She walked away, leaving Loki feeling increasingly uneasy. Those were not the words of the woman he'd come to know over the past few weeks. The strong, resilient person she'd shown herself to be no matter what Danethar put her through._ No matter what _I_ put her through_, his thoughts echoed. This Lilith was…bereft of either, and he could almost feel the loss of her usual spirit. Loki worried that last night might have pushed her past her limit. What if he couldn't convince her to step back over the line? What if she actually went through with thoughts of killing herself?

_Shame, since that means you won't have your gateways, or your escape from Asgard. Your best shot of ruling Midgard reduced to a very messy splatter on the street cobbles. You think they'll scrape what's left of her up with the rest of the refuse?_

_Damn you, _he raged at the taunting voice. _Damn you for- this is a _person_, not a discarded carcass of some worthless animal!_

_ Since when? I thought she was a chess piece in your game; a tool with a skill._

_ She is…was…I don't know what Lilith is,_ he stammered to himself._ But I promise you she _won't_ be finding her way to Hel- by her own hand or Danethar's._

No reply as usual, but Loki felt amusement from somewhere deep within. Amusement about what? He damn well didn't know, but didn't have time to care. Meanwhile, Lilith had already disappeared into her room, door closed. He stood outside, torn between barging in and giving her some warning. In the end, he chose to be cautious.

"Lilith?"

"I can't do this today, Ilsa. Please leave me alone."

She sounded like she meant it. And as much as he disliked the idea of leaving so early when she was acting so unpredictably, Loki didn't have much of a choice. But before he left, he did want to be sure of one thing.

"What about tomorrow?"

"I'm sure the sun will rise as usual."

"That's…not what I meant."

"I know what you meant."

"And?"

"Come back if you wish, but I doubt I'll change my mind about the garden."

"That's also not what I meant."

"Well then you tell me what you meant so we can stop playing this guessing game from Hel."

"Will you," he paused. "Will you still be here if I return tomorrow?"

His question hung in the heavy silence, and he almost thought Lilith wouldn't answer him. With one hand on the doorknob, Loki was on the verge of pushing it open when she finally did. Caution be damned.

"Unless Danethar wills it otherwise, yes, Ilsa, I will be here."

That promise would have to be good enough.

"Then I shall be back tomorrow."

"_Good-bye,_ Ilsa."

Reluctantly, he stepped away from the door and walked back to the other end of the hall. On the way, he paused to look once more on the ruined garden, confused by a host of chaotic thoughts and feelings crowding his mind. Loki had no plan. Still no idea what to do about anything. Not about Danethar, and especially not about Lilith. But he had to think of one fast. Something told him that today was all the time he had left, and tomorrow would be too late.

Berda was preparing the midday meal when he entered the kitchen. This time, Loki wasn't quick enough to escape as she set aside the chicken she'd been stuffing to block him at the side door. She pointed at one of the rough-hewn chairs at the little kitchen table.

"Sit," she ordered.

Surprising to him, Loki obeyed. He sat, fiddling with the cuffs of his sleeves and his eyes downcast. Berda took the chair opposite him and settled herself.

"He's finally done it, hasn't he? Finally broken the fight in her."

"I think so," Loki agreed. "The garden and…everything else…from last night. It's gotten to her in a way he hasn't before."

"I knew it would happen," Berda muttered as she mopped her face with the corner of her apron. Before he could think of anything to say, she asked him another question. One he wasn't expecting. "And what are you going to do about it, Ilsa?"

"Me?" His head shot up to meet her steady gaze. "Why do you think I can do anything?"

"Something about you. Never could figure out what you came here for or why you've stayed. But I've been thinking lately that it's because of her," Berda said as she gestured to the stairs. While she didn't say it outright, Loki swore she was implying…

"You can't think that I…" he protested once he could force the words out. _That you what?_ "We're not- I mean I'm not…"

"None of my business about that, nor was I suggesting it," she replied quietly, point made. "Just seems you've had plenty of chances to get clear of this place that you've let pass by. Like you can't leave."

"Maybe I _should_ have. Seems all I ever do is make things worse. You and I both know last night was my fault."

"Don't own responsibility for what's not yours to claim. The Master makes his own decisions, missy. He's been itching to tear up that garden for months. And the rest…that's just his nature. Was that way before you and would be the same if you weren't here."

"But didn't you say…"

"I know what I said. Those weeks back you were…different. Thought you knew everything about the world like the young always do. Being here has made you grow up some, I think."

_Have I? Is that what's been happening to me?_

"Still, I don't see how I'm supposed to do anything to help her."

"Oh I think you do. But something tells me whatever it is, it's not easy and you're not too fond of what may come of it. That's the decision only you can make, Ilsa."

"It's too hard," he insisted, more to himself than to her. He wasn't even sure what he meant by the words. "I can't do it."

"That may well be true," she agreed as she got up from the table. "But don't lie to yourself that watching Danethar destroy Lilith a piece at a time is any easier."


	18. Chapter 17: Pebbles of an Avalanche

The game was over. Loki saw no other option for him, given all the variables of the situation. Thor was closing in on Danethar; Julia was one conversation with Maddie away from discovering Renate was really Lilith; and Lilith…she was one step away from ending the game on her own. If he were to salvage anything of this disaster, he had to make the final move before any or all of them made it for him. Loki wouldn't say _win_, because no one seemed to come out the winner in this game. It certainly hadn't been as _fun_ as he'd thought it would be when he first started it. Now, he just wanted it to be over.

_Fun and winning,_ sneered the voice. _And here Berda thought you might have actually _learned_ something. From the sound of it, she was wrong._

_ Who said I wanted to learn anything? I was perfectly happy the way I was._

_ Were you?_

_ Was I?_ He asked the question of himself, then immediately dismissed any doubts. _Of course I was._

_ Keep telling yourself that and one day- one day very soon- all you will have left are lies_, it warned him before sinking back to oblivion.

_I can get anything I want with lies, so why worry?_ But as Loki headed back to see Maddie, he couldn't help feeling uneasy. _If nothing else, at least ending this game better get rid of that damned voice in my head._

In no time, he found the healer's residence and went inside. Another young woman was just leaving; she looked as though she'd been weeping. Loki made no comment and slipped into the dimly lit building. Not seeing anyone, he took a few steps further into the room before wondering if the healer was with another customer behind the closed back room door.

"So, you've returned."

Loki spun around to see Maddie behind him, closing the door to the street. How foolish of him to have walked right past her without noticing.

"Yes, I'm back."

"She send you or was it your idea?"

"I came on my own. She doesn't know I'm here."

"Somehow, I thought as much. So, Ilsa, what have you come to say?"

Here it was; the beginning of the end. The moment he answered, he was committed to ending the game, so this was his last chance to keep playing.

"Lilith," he told her quietly. "Her name's Lilith."

Maddie showed no surprise, pushing a few graying curls away from her face. At first, she didn't say anything. Just stood there, thinking and staring right at him. Loki suppressed the urge to fidget under her scrutiny, irked that she could make him feel like he was just a child.

"I should have known- think I _have_ known all along, really. I've looked after the ones Danethar plays with now and then; they get hurt bad enough. But only someone _married_ to a monster like him would come in here needing the kind of healing she does- as often as she does."

Loki couldn't find any suitable response. The wit of his infamous silver tongue had deserted him.

"And what of you, Ilsa? You've given up her identity. Now I'm rather curious to know- who are _you_?"

"What she said- I'm her friend." Loki had planned to tell her that he was Lilith's servant, since the truth suited his plans well enough. But the words of his reply came unbidden, as did what he said next. "Thought it was time I truly acted like one.

"Noble sentiment. So you came to tell me…"

"I'm telling everyone," he answered resolutely. "Even the Allfather himself if I have to."

"Danethar isn't going to stand idly by to let you do that. I'm afraid you'll never get far."

"Watch me."

With that, he turned on his heel and walked out.

* * *

Thor hadn't been very successful yesterday or today. He'd thought Loki's advice sound, but was having trouble getting women to come forward to speak with his mother. Even Birgitta and Marie had declined, despite their frankness in recounting their stories to him yesterday. Timar told him that they were too afraid to come forward publicly, Marie in particular. She'd said she couldn't risk what she feared Eckert might do when nothing came of it. Which told him more than he wanted to know about their faith in his family.

He'd always thought the people of Asgard saw his father as their protector. Over the past few weeks, Thor was discovering that for a vast majority of them- mostly women- that ideal did not quite match the reality. Years of letting men like Danethar prowl the streets unchecked had damaged their trust in Odin to look out for them. Thor was ashamed to say they had good reason to doubt. He'd worked beside Danethar for years and never saw the monster they did. Even when the first whispers of it reached him, he'd tried to dismiss them as malicious rumors. So did he blame them for not wanting to risk their lives on an uncertain promise that he'd help them? Not really.

If only he could convince Ilsa to come forward. She was really the key he needed, having the closest access to Danethar and to his cousin. He couldn't believe that she hadn't seen anything in the weeks she'd been in that house- even if it was only the tiniest hint of the warrior's violence. But he feared she would remain blind to it until Danethar turned it on her. And if he did, she might just as easily end up dead than simply injured. Until something broke in that direction, though, his hands were tied.

Exhausted from the arduous task of tracking down potential witnesses, he'd returned to the palace. The midday meal was due to be served shortly, so he might as well take his rest before heading out again this afternoon. Maybe he'd have more luck on a full stomach.

"Prince?"

Thor jerked upright at the sound of a tremulous feminine voice behind him, and turned around. He could hardly believe his eyes. Ilsa. She stood awkwardly in the dining hall, looking very distressed. _It's happened, _he thought to himself. _I don't know what, but something finally pushed her to open her eyes._ Sooner than he'd expected. Maybe the talk he'd had with her yesterday gave her time to think. It didn't matter; she was going to give him what he needed to bring Danethar to justice. Thor got up from the table and took a few steps to close the distance between them.

"Ilsa- are you well?"

"I…" she blinked and shook her head. "No. Prince, you were right. He's…" Ilsa glanced around as if looking for Danethar.

"He's outside the city gates on patrol. Rest easy. Now sit down and tell me what's happened. Did he try to hurt you?"

"Not me."

"Lilith?"

Ilsa nodded.

"What did he do?"

"I couldn't do it anymore."

Okay, not exactly an answer to his question. Thor ushered her to a spot on the bench and sat her down. Maybe if he could get her calmed down, Ilsa would start making sense.

"Couldn't do what?"

"He hurts her _all the time_. But she made me promise not to tell. I just can't do it anymore. Prince, you understand why I can't keep my promise, right? I'm not wrong for breaking it, am I?"

Thor bowed his head to hide his grief from the woman, needing a few minutes to regain composure. Knowing the truth was far worse than suspecting it. Danethar had beaten his cousin. All this time, she'd endured it in silence- like so many others- and likely for the same reason Marie had given him. Even _she _hadn't believed her own family would help her.

"Prince- am I wrong?" Ilsa asked worriedly.

"No, Ilsa. You did the right thing."

"Thank you, Prince."

"Ilsa…" he hesitated to ask his next question. "Is Lilith hurt right now?"

"Well, she was this morning, but we went to a healer who took care of it."

"What healer?"

"Her name's Maddie. I think the healers in the palace know her."

"Maddie- yes. I remember long ago the healer who trained Berath went by that name. And you say she healed Lilith?"

"Yes. I…made her go. She wouldn't let me help her."

"Did you see any of her injuries? Bruises?"

Ilsa's eyes slid away, suddenly drawn anywhere but at him. Thor's spirits sank even lower, as if it were possible. He'd seen that look several times over the past few days when he talked to women like Marie. They never shied away when it came to talking about slaps and punches. Only one kind of injury elicited that particular response. Rape. But before he could bring himself to say it aloud, Ilsa answered him.

"She thinks she has to let him do it because they're married." A hard look crept into her eyes as she brought them up to bore into him. Thor was certain in that moment, she hated him, if for no other reason than he was a man. "Is it true?"

_This is the poison we've let into Asgard. Danethar and others like him have slowly corrupted a whole generation of women to see us as the enemy. If we don't stop it now, the rift may never heal. If it's not too late already._

"No, Ilsa. It's not true."

"Danethar certainly thinks it is. And he's not the only one."

"Who else?" She said nothing, but continued to glare at him stonily. "You think _I _do? I just told you…Ilsa, haven't I been trying to get you to speak up about Danethar?"

"You never asked or even thought about Lilith for months. _Months_. Not one of you thought to check on her. No one thought to ask her what she might feel about marrying someone she didn't like, much less _love_. She was expected to do what she was told. What message do you _think _that sends to Danethar and to her?"

He had nothing to say in his defense. Ilsa was merely repeating what he'd already been thinking earlier. Only now she'd added an aspect he hadn't considered. One he wished he didn't have to consider. But the family's failure- his included- to show even the tiniest concern for Lilith's welfare could be seen as tacit approval to what Danethar had been doing these past few months. The thought of it made him ill.

"I never…" he began, then trailed off. "You're right, Ilsa. It doesn't matter that I say I don't think it's right. I did nothing, so in that respect, my actions let him- and Lilith- think it was. I'm sorry."

"I'm not the one due an apology," she replied frostily.

"Fair enough. I'll give it to Lilith just as soon as I can get her back to the palace. Do you think you can convince her to come here?"

"She won't. If I go back, she'll just tell me to go away again."

"What if I go with you?"

"Even worse. She'll deny everything."

"I'll tell her I know the truth and that I know he's hurt her."

"Didn't you hear me? She went to see Maddie and her injuries are gone now. You can't just take her back by force when you've got no proof he's done anything."

"So why'd you come to me?"

"If _she_ won't leave, someone has to get _Danethar_ away from her. I figured if anyone could do it, you could. Can't you talk to the Queen- or even the Allfather? I don't think they'd listen to me. But you…"

"It's not that easy, Ilsa. I spoke to my mother once about Danethar and she wasn't so quick to believe me then. I need something concrete to take to her if I'm to get anywhere."

"Like what?"

"First-hand accounts. Ideally Lilith's, but if she won't come…" he sighed. "Even if you'd seen something…" The words died as Thor saw Ilsa's expression. "Ilsa, _have_ you seen him hurt her? In person?"

"He dragged her down the hall by the arm one of the first days I was there," she whispered painfully. "Slammed her into the wall and shoved her into his room. I didn't see the rest, but she was crying…and…screaming."

So many things he didn't ever want to know. But Thor knew he had to listen if he hoped to help his cousin.

"If I took you to my mother, would you tell her what you just told me?"

"Right now?"

If he could arrange for a meeting now, Thor would. But he knew Frigga was in a meeting with the palace healers for the next hour and told him she was not to be disturbed. So this would have to wait a little longer.

"Not right this second, but this afternoon. Say after the midday meal? Would you speak with her, Ilsa?"

"All right."

"Thank you. I'll meet you back here in an hour. I need to see to a few other tasks in the meantime."

She nodded at him. "Until then, Prince."

* * *

She paced the infirmary anxiously, unable to keep still during the agonizing wait. Julia had sent her a message a short while ago, telling her that Maddie had been to the palace with news of Renate. She'd requested a time for them to meet about what the healer had to say. Frigga was terrified at what she would hear. Was the girl dead? Had they found out who she was- or the identity of her lover? As she made her hundredth circuit around the room, the doors opened. Through them walked Maddie, with Julia and Berath at her sides. They all looked very grim.

"My Queen," Julia addressed her when they came close enough to speak. "Thank you for the audience on such short notice. I hope our report will explain why it was necessary."

"Yes, of course, Lady Julia. Please, tell me what you've learned about Renate."

"I'm afraid your suspicions yesterday concerning her true identity were well-founded. There is no Renate. Lady Lilith _was_ using a false name to keep her identity a secret."

Frigga hadn't wanted it to be true. She had hoped beyond hope that she had been wrong and that all of it was mere coincidence. But of course she'd been right. She squared her shoulders and maintained a façade of calm in front of the healers. No good for them to see how much the news upset her.

"How was this discovered?"

"She came to see me today, My Queen," answered Maddie. "With her friend, Ilsa."

"So she blatantly lied to me yesterday." An offense Frigga would not forget when she next saw the woman. "Told me to my face that Renate was…" she paused. "A friend. Someone she'd known for a long time…"

An odd trickle danced over her spine as she recalled her meeting with the servant girl. Something strangely familiar about her, but Frigga couldn't place why she felt it at the time. And the way Ilsa had phrased her answers. It reminded her of…someone. But every time she tried to catch hold of the memory, it slipped away like a dream upon waking.

"I think she _is_ a friend," Maddie answered, interrupting Frigga's thoughts. "And that's likely why she lied. Lied to me at first, too. But came back a bit later and told me she needed to speak up. I think she's been carrying the secret for Lilith's sake because the Lady asked her to."

"That makes no sense," Frigga insisted with a frown. "Why wouldn't she say something if Danethar was…hurting her."

_Maybe because she didn't think you'd want to hear it,_ her guilty conscience answered. _Did you expect Lilith to ask for help a second time? It went _so well_ for her the first time, if you recall._

Maddie made a rude noise and shook her head.

"You may not wish to hear it, my Queen, but I'll speak my mind anyway. Lilith said nothing for the same reason none of the others are willing to talk. It's been made very clear that what is going on with certain warriors is condoned by the powers that be. So in their minds, why make things worse when nothing will change if they do speak up? And that one has it bad enough."

Frigga took to heart the heavy accusation Maddie laid at her feet- feeling not anger, but regret and remorse that such suffering had been allowed to go on in Asgard. It should have come to her attention long before now. Why it hadn't was a question for another day. Right now, she felt she had to follow up regarding the last part of Maddie's speech.

"How bad?"

"He's a vicious one. She's come to me torn up so bad I'm not sure she'll ever bear children- if she was ever of a mind to in the first place. And I'm not blaming her if she isn't."

Julia pressed a hand to her mouth to muffle a gasp of dismay. Even Frigga found it difficult to maintain her composure after hearing the healer's account. She was still reeling from the sparse, yet brutally honest truth of Lilith's suffering that she was unprepared when Maddie continued with worse news.

"That's just what _I've_ seen. Ilsa tells me that he's nearly beat her to death at least once. The residual power channeled into Lilith to heal the wounds from that beating were still there days later when she had come to see me. So I can tell you that the woman wasn't exaggerating."

"Wait- who performed the healing," Berath queried suddenly. "If it wasn't you and wasn't one of us…"

"Ilsa did it," Maddie replied with a shrug. "The girl has talent. I'd recommend trying to find a place here for her to learn more."

"But how did she know how to do it? None of us were showing her anything that advanced." He turned to Julia. "You weren't teaching her _that_, were you?"

"No, not at all. I wouldn't think to do anything that reckless."

"Then who…"

Frigga listened to their discussion with only half an ear. In her mind, she was replying the past few weeks, comparing the events she already knew against these new pieces. Things began to fit together to form a clearer picture. Steadily a suspicion grew, until she finally dared ask the question she dreaded most.

"Berath…what were you teaching my son a few weeks ago when he was visiting the infirmary?"

All three healers were immediately silent, and judging by his expression, Frigga didn't need him to say a word. Berath's stunned disbelief was answer enough to know Loki had been learning the skill Ilsa possessed. _Oh my son, what have you done? What have I been blind to all this time?_

"My Queen, you don't think he…and this Ilsa…why would he teach _her_ such a thing? Why would they even know one another?"

That from Julia, who obviously hadn't worked it out yet. The other two had, and Maddie rolled her eyes in her impatience with the younger woman.

"Julia, _think _about it."

"What?"

"When Ilsa visited the infirmary, was the Prince ever here?"

"Well, no…"

"Describe Ilsa- what she looks like."

"I don't know. Kind of tall and pale. Dark hair. Blue eyes."

"Well, then? Don't you see it?"

Comprehension dawned as Julia finally caught up with the rest of them. Her eyes grew round and she rubbed her temples.

"They can't be. Why did none of us see it before?"

"Because he didn't want us to, I expect. Begging the Queen's pardon, but it's hard to tell with _that _one."

Frigga couldn't entirely blame Berath for his opinion of Loki. For most Asgardians, he was known only for his wildly unpredictable behavior and causing trouble. Understanding what lie behind the mischief and schemes was not highest of their concerns. And right now, even she was struggling. Top of her worries was finding out the truth of what was going on in that house. Was any of what they'd heard about Danethar true, or was it all Loki's doing? Maddie was healing real injuries, but who was inflicting them? Frigga prayed to the gods that it wasn't the latter. If she had to pick a villain in Lilith's story, she would much rather believe it to be Danethar.

"My Queen," Maddie queried. "If I may, I have something I'd like to say on the matter, knowing what I do now."

"Please do," Frigga replied, though she dreaded to hear it.

"I think you should know that I stand by what I said earlier. I don't know the reason behind the deception of this disguise, but the person in my shop today came as a friend."

"How can you be so sure, Maddie? You know as well as any of us what he's capable of, so why couldn't it have been just as easily an act?"

"When lies come so easily, moments of honest truth stand out. He struggles so hard with them- or against them. Especially when backed into a corner with no way out."

"I don't know," Berath muttered. "I still don't completely believe he's capable of sincerity, but I wasn't there, so I'll have to defer to your opinion."

"I suppose the question now is what to do about this," Julia spoke up in the silence following his comment. "My Queen, what do you recommend?"

"No one is to mention this to anyone without my permission," she ordered. "I will speak to my son and sort out this situation. Depending what I discover, you may be called to stand witness to what you have seen of it. Is that understood?"

Three heads bowed before her.

"Yes, my Queen."

"I thank you all for your devotion to uncovering this mystery and bringing it to my attention."

Frigga was about to excuse herself from the audience when the doors opened. She turned her head in time to see Thor striding across the room. He looked…very grim and determined.

"Mother, I know you asked not to be disturbed…"

"I was just finishing," she managed to get out before he continued.

"…but I must see you after you are finished here. It concerns the situation with Danethar. I won't be put off about it, either."

A flash of alarm swept over her. She wasn't sure how much more bad news she could handle today, but Frigga was certain Thor was about to drop plenty of it on her head. Not here, though. She wanted whatever he had to say kept private.

"Of course, my son. We're done here, so why don't you and I go to one of the receiving salons and you can tell me what you've learned?"

He looked dubious, mistrusting how quickly she complied with his request. Frigga supposed she ought not to be surprised after the way their previous conversation ended. But wary or not, he stood back to let her lead the way. They left the infirmary and walked a little ways. At length, she found a suitable room for their discussion and stepped inside. Thor didn't follow her as she expected, hanging back in the hallway. Frigga turned to him in question.

"My son, were you joining me?"

"I will be back shortly. I have someone who needs to talk to you, but I need to fetch her."

"Her?" Frigga's heartbeat quickened. Was it Lilith?

"Ilsa, Mother. She sought me out today with news of my cousin. News I think you need to hear."

He hadn't made the connection yet who Ilsa was. Frigga found she wasn't quite ready yet to tell him; he'd find out soon enough when they were all together. So she merely nodded at him.

"I think you're right. Bring her and I'll be waiting."

* * *

Loki hadn't been idle in the hour his brother had given him. He'd made a few trips to the servant quarters of the palace, spreading talk that change was soon coming, but only if they were willing to demand it. Names he'd learned and kept close these past few weeks were his greatest weapons now. He sought them out- those women who'd been lured by Danethar and his cohorts. Urged them to come forward with their accounts. Not surprisingly, few wanted to listen to him. But when he started revealing just how great their numbers were, they gradually changed their minds. Surely with so many, the Allfather couldn't continue to ignore them.

_Thor should have no problem obtaining witnesses now_, he thought with satisfaction as he waited for his brother. _Danethar will be buried under the weight of their testimony against him; he'll never worm his way free._

"Ilsa?"

He turned to see Thor approaching. Right on time as he said he'd be. Loki got up from the table and smoothed the skirt of 'Ilsa's' dress.

"Prince?"

"Are you ready? My mother has agreed to see you and hear your account."

"Yes, of course."

Thor led him away from the dining hall to a lesser used corridor of the palace. Mostly salons and empty rooms used to house guests during important celebrations. They paused before a door, which his brother held open for him. Loki tried for a nervous smile and was surprised that it came more easily than he'd thought it would. How about that- maybe he _was_ nervous. His eyes fell to Frigga, who was waiting for him, and he froze.

_She's found me out_, he panicked inwardly. _Somehow, she's discovered who 'Ilsa' truly is._

"Son, I believe you and I need to talk," she said, eyes pinned on Loki so that he could not mistake who she was talking to.

"Mother, I think you should hear from Ilsa first," his brother protested. Thor, on the other hand…hadn't caught on, so their mother took pity and didn't make him sort it out on his own.

"Thor, I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to your brother there beside you."

"My…" he broke off the question to stare at Loki. And for the first time since he and 'Ilsa' met, Thor seemed to really _look_ at her. Loki saw the moment he put together what Frigga meant. "_You_. All along it's been you. How…how _dare_ you! I should wring your neck!"

Concerned that he might just be angry enough to make good on his threat, Loki dropped the disguise and prepared to defend himself. Fortunately for him, Frigga intervened.

"Thor, enough. He's here to speak and I wish to hear what he has to say."

"What for? He's been scheming this whole time, like usual. I can't believe I fell for it. He's had me chasing my own tail for weeks. For nothing."

"It wasn't for nothing, Brother. For the truth," Loki said as soon as he could get a word in. "Everything I told you as 'Ilsa' this morning is true."

Thor seemed not to hear a word, continuing to rant on at him.

"What kind of sick monster are you to play around with lives like this? Did you use Timar's wife and maid, too? Use them to get to me so I'd believe you? How many others have you toyed with just to put this together?"

"I'm telling you that it's all true."

"Oh no, I know better than to fall for your lies again."

"My son," Frigga spoke up. "It's no lie."

Thor's head twisted away to look at her incredulously.

"But, Mother…"

"When you came into the infirmary a moment ago- I was in a meeting with Maddie as you may recall. You may not, since I think you were rather intent on your own agenda. But she was there nonetheless. Lilith has been going to her over the past few months for healings. Now, I don't understand what role your brother was playing in all this, but the injuries Maddie told me of were not lies."

For several minutes, Thor could only stare. First at Frigga, then back to Loki. His jaw was clenched so tightly it might have broken teeth and the look in his eyes was hard as steel. At last, he growled out a reluctant agreement to hear Loki out.

"Then let's hear it, Brother. Do tell us what you've been doing these past few weeks while you've been playing ladies' maid in Danethar's house."

He'd have to tread very carefully if he expected to make it out of this in one piece. Any hint of the game he'd intended to play with Danethar- not to mention his interest in Lilith's gateways- would get him thrown back in his dungeon before nightfall. But outright lies weren't going to work in his favor, either, if he strayed too far from what he'd been doing. He'd have to stalk the border between- borrowing from both sides.

"I…" he seized on an idea he thought might work. "I suspected something was going on with Danethar not too long ago. He's not as good a liar as he thinks he is. So I thought I'd see what he was hiding, and posing as a servant seemed the easiest way to gain entry to his home. I was right. It was."

"And once you got there? If what our mother says is true- if what you told me a little while ago was true- why didn't you convince Lilith to come back to the palace yourself? Or were you enjoying the spectacle too much to see an end to it?"

"Thor!"

"I'm entitled to the question, Mother. I've seen what he's capable of doing. What's the suffering of someone else to _him_? It's not like he cares one way or another."

The picture Thor painted was an ugly one, but not inaccurate. He had witnessed- not to mention caused- more than his share of misery and suffering in his past. It never mattered to him, merely an inconvenience if it registered at all. He'd own to it without flinching. But the accusation laid against him now about Lilith- that rankled. Loki lost control of his temper and shoved his brother.

"I _did_ try, damn you. I told Lilith time and time again to leave that place. Told her she didn't have to stay and to get help if she needed it. But she wouldn't. So I stayed and did what I could do- or at least what little she'd _let_ me do."

Thor shoved him back.

"Told her? You should have hauled her back to the palace whether she would listen to reason or not."

"Oh yes, I'm sure that would have worked out just perfectly," Loki threw back angrily. "Bring her back to the ones responsible for situation in the first place. The one who ignored her pleas not to marry him." He glared pointedly at Frigga, who paled. "And the one who couldn't be bothered to notice one of his own warriors was an abusive rapist. And you wonder why she didn't want help from either of _you._"

"You almost sound as if you care what happens to her," his brother challenged him after a moment of uncomfortable silence.

Loki said nothing at first, unwilling to admit to anything either way. It wasn't true, of course, but denying it wasn't going to make this conversation go any better for him. He chose a different tactic instead.

"I resent that you are so quick to judge _me_ as the villain when none of _you_ are any less innocent."

"I might have guessed. You only care about how this reflects on you. You don't give a damn about Lilith."

That hadn't worked as he'd wanted. Time for another plan. He was about to let loose a scathing reply when Frigga got between them. She held up a hand and turned to Thor.

"You aren't making this situation easy to sort out with that temper, my son."

"He started it."

"I did not!"

"Peace, the both of you! Now, I have one question for you, Loki, and you will answer it truthfully or so help me you will have great cause for regret."

Loki waited mutely.

"Maddie told me you healed Lilith after Danethar had beaten her. Why did you?"

"Because she would have died," he admitted finally, unable to think of anything else to say.

_Please, Mother, don't ask me why that was of any importance. I don't know if I have a lie you would believe, and I don't _want_ to find out what I might say if I have to tell the truth._

"That's all I needed to hear." She said no more, not even a hint what she thought of his answer. That almost worried him more than if she had asked him more about his decision. "Thor, I believe we need to speak with the Allfather today about Lilith and Danethar. The sooner the better."

His brother had calmed down somewhat. His eyes were fixed on Loki, as if trying to puzzle out something from his answer to Frigga's question. No doubt he still thought him a liar, but he was willing to set it aside to get what he wanted where Lilith was concerned.

"Yes, I can agree with that at least."

"You will attend," their mother ordered as she also directed her gaze to Loki. "Maybe for once some good may come of your mischief."


	19. Chapter 18: Audiences and Summons

After Ilsa had gone, I was left in relative peace for the rest of the morning. It wasn't until around midday that I heard anything from anyone. I was on the bed staring at my bedroom ceiling when a knock came at the door. Only one person in this house ever bothered to knock, so Berda must have come to fetch me for lunch. I didn't want to answer- didn't want to fight her over not wanting to eat anything. But if I didn't at least go to the door, she'd worry. With a sigh, I got up and shuffled across the room. Sure enough, Berda was standing just outside when I pulled open the door. She looked less…formidable…than usual. More sad, I guess, and no doubt I was likely the cause of the mood. Too bad that I just couldn't make myself care.

"I know you won't likely want it, but I've got a meal made up in the kitchen for you."

"Berda…"

"You don't have to come down if you'd rather I bring it here. Or I can set it to keep for later."

"No arguments today, I take it?"

"Unless you thought it would help."

I almost found a smile at that. It got as far as my lips, but didn't make it to my eyes. Berda was truly one of the few things that made this place bearable…when Danethar wasn't home, anyway. When he was around, _nothing_ was ever bearable.

"All right, you've convinced me- even without an argument. Must be some sort of record. I guess I'm coming down."

She seemed surprised, belatedly moving out of my way as I stepped into the hallway and closed my bedroom door. I think she thought I meant to stay in there until Danethar ordered me out again. And she wouldn't have been wrong; I had intended to do just that. A strange feeling gripped me just as I was about to decline her invitation and changed my mind. So here I was, following the cook down to the kitchen, where I prayed I wouldn't find anyone else waiting. Like Ilsa.

To my relief, the room was empty of unwanted company. Ilsa must have made good on her promise and left of the day. I wondered if she'd shared her concerns about my…mental state…with Berda before she did. I knew she was worried I'd do something crazy, but if I hadn't given into the temptation to end my life before, I wouldn't be doing it now. Still, I guess she had good cause to be concerned. I might not be suicidal, but I hadn't been acting like myself, either.

I didn't ask Berda what Ilsa might have shared with her. Questions would only encourage the idea I wanted to talk about what happened, and I most certainly wanted no part of that. So I ate in silence, trying not to think about anything in particular. Or at least direct it to something safe, like food. It was good- as if it could be otherwise- and I found myself hungrier than expected. That is, until I heard a knock at the side door. Gods of the Allfather, I hoped it wasn't another random visit from Thor. Even with the bruises healed, I wasn't sure he wouldn't suspect something. Especially if he wanted to take his visit to the garden.

When Berda admitted the guest, I knew immediately it was much worse. Not Thor, but Maddie strode into the kitchen. She nodded at Berda before turning her sharp gaze to me. I very nearly slouched down in the chair, as if I could hide under the table and she would go away. Something a child would do. Pathetic. For several minutes not one of us said anything.

"You know," I said at last, knowing I didn't have to say more.

"I know."

"Did Lady Julia come back with more questions, then? Is that how you found out?"

"No, I went to her once I was sure."

"Then…"

"Ilsa told me."

The blood drained out of my face in horror. What had the woman done? She must have gone back to the healer after I sent her away. Had I known that's what she intended to do, I would have kept her here. No matter how awkward or difficult it might have been. Anything to prevent _this_ outcome. Why had I told her anything about Maddie in the first place? I should have known better.

"She's betrayed me," I murmured. "After all this time, she finally showed her true self and betrayed me. I always knew she would."

"You seem to have a funny sense of betrayal, Lilith," the healer remarked. "She came to me to help you."

"And you went to Lady Julia. I'm guessing she's been made aware of my situation now, right?"

"As is the Queen."

I gripped the table edge in an attempt to hang on as the room spun around me. How could things have gone so wrong so fast? In the space of a few hours, Ilsa had undone every mask I'd had to hide behind. Now it would be out in the open- everything Danethar did to me. I'd never be able to face Frigga or Thor again. This only worked because _they_ _didn't know_. How did Ilsa expect me to endure their criticism- did she really think that they would feel _sorry_ for me- that I couldn't even manage to keep a husband satisfied?

"Why would you _do_ that?"

"Lilith, you need to get away from him, and your family should be the ones to help you."

"Exactly my point- _should_. Maddie, you don't understand. They're not going to."

"The Queen was quite distressed when she heard the news. I believe she's sincere in her aim to do something about it."

I smiled bitterly at her naïveté.

"Let me guess. She told you she was going to go talk to someone about it and asked you to do nothing until you heard from her?"

"How…"

"Because she told me the same thing when I came to her to get out of marrying Danethar in the first place. You were wasting your time going to _her_ for help. Just like I was back then."

Both Maddie and Berda were disheartened by my words, sharing an uneasy glance. I felt no remorse for having disillusioned them about Frigga. If they were going to strip me of the protection of my lies, I saw it as only fair to relieve them of theirs. That being said, I knew my anger with Maddie would pass- not today, but eventually. She'd honestly thought she was helping me. That counted for something. Ilsa, however…I would have much to say to her if she dared show her face around here again. She should have known what this would bring down on me better than anyone.

"I didn't know…"

"Well, now you do. So don't be surprised to see me back at your door in the not so distant future. Because I can guarantee I haven't seen the last of Danethar's abuse, no matter how sincere the Queen looked."

"Maybe she's had a change of heart, or maybe she couldn't do anything before. It could be different now."

"Oh I'm sure plenty will be different from now on, but not in the way you seem to hope it will be. Now, if you excuse me, I think I'll find some time to myself before Danethar returns tonight. I have a long night ahead of me."

"But…"

"Berda will show you out."

"Lilith- about Ilsa. There's something you need to know."

I paused at the foot of the stairs, but didn't turn around.

"No. I don't need to know anything about _her_."

"She's not who you think she is."

"I've always known that. And quite frankly, I don't want to know the truth about her. The time for that was the day she turned up in this house. No, Maddie, I think I'll just let her keep her secret."

Without waiting for her reply, I continued up the stairs. Walked past the doorway to the garden, where I'd given Ilsa her first gardening lesson; past the conservatory where Ilsa and I had spent hours sharing a passion for music; past the parlor room where she'd first entered my life. Her presence haunted this house. Even my bedroom suite. Only Danethar's room was spared, but it was haunted with its own set of painful memories. How could I have foreseen just how completely she'd wreck the tenuous balance I strove to maintain? How could I have _let _her? I'd been so determined that first day. Where had that determination gone?

_Ilsa, you've destroyed me. More than anyone- even Danethar- you've managed to steal every last piece of me and tear it apart. I hope you're satisfied_.

* * *

Loki's anxiety over his decision to end this game grew by the minute. Now that they were headed to an audience with Odin, he was regretting having made it. Maybe if his mother hadn't figured out his connection to Ilsa things wouldn't look so grim. Loki had never intended anyone to find out that he'd had anything to do with Lilith or Danethar. Certainly not Thor or his mother. Or the Allfather.

_At least I got them to agree to leave that part out when we talk to him_, he thought to himself. Actually, he'd gotten Frigga to agree. His brother was only going along with it because he feared any mention of Loki's involvement would prejudice their father against hearing what they had to say about Danethar. It had helped that some of the women Loki had spoken to this morning had come forward to testify. They no longer needed 'Ilsa' to prove that Danethar was a menace. But still, Loki knew eventually, the truth would find its way to the Allfather, and he wasn't sure what might come of it when that time came.

_Hopefully by that time, I'll have figured out how to use Lilith to create a gate to Midgard and will have escaped this place._

That worry would have to wait, since they'd just entered the audience chamber. Loki's goal during this meeting was to keep out of the discussion as much as possible, unless Thor needed his help. The lumbering idiot better not need it. He'd been handed everything he needed to make his case before Odin. What could _possibly _go wrong?

"Enter," the Allfather boomed at them.

Loki followed Frigga and Thor, a mask of boredom set on his face. He managed to maintain it even as the three of them came to stand before Odin and he passed over him with a critical eye.

"What brings you before me this afternoon, my Queen? And your sons with you?"

"My King, we have need of your wisdom and guidance."

"On what matter?"

"It concerns our cousin, Lilith," Thor spoke up. "She is in grave danger from her husband, Lord Danethar, and we believe she's not the only one."

"Danger, you say? I've heard no complaints against the man to suggest he is a threat to anyone. Least of all his wife."

"Neither had we until recently," his brother continued. "But I started investigating how many warriors were taking lovers with servants, and uncovered that the situation was far worse than we initially feared. For most, I needed only take precautions to keep the men under my command from disobeying their orders. But Danethar and two of his closest allies warrant stronger measures. I have discovered they are not just taking lovers, but they are actively preying on women."

Loki kept his expression impassive as he watched the Allfather carefully for his reaction. He did not like what he thought he saw. While he hadn't expected Odin to believe Thor's account without more proof, he had anticipated something more than stoic silence. Asgard's great protector seemed hardly ruffled by the possibility that citizens of his realm were suffering.

_If Thor were accusing _me_ of this, I bet you'd have plenty to say of it, though._

"I expect you have more information to provide?"

Thor seemed just as thrown off-stride by their father's lack of concern, but he continued on as if he weren't concerned by it.

"Lord Eckert attempted to rape the housemaid of Lord Timar's home. He's also responsible for the death of a young woman, Sofia. She poisoned herself after he raped her a few weeks ago. Father, she's one of many where he's concerned."

"The warrior will certainly be dealt with when I confirm your information is true," Odin replied solemnly. "But that is Lord Eckert. How does it prove the guilt of Lord Danethar?"

"I have witnesses willing to swear to you that since he was wed to Lilith, Danethar has continued to pursue other women- servants and ladies alike- as lovers and mistresses. He has continually made a mockery of his marriage vows."

"Indeed, that is a serious offense, my son, but hardly one that bespeaks of any danger. Certainly not something that requires your interference with Danethar's wife."

Loki was close to bursting with the need to strangle Thor. What was he dancing around the subject for? Just tell Odin what Danethar was doing and get this over with. For once, he'd thought the general bluntness that came natural to warriors like him would be in their favor. But it seemed today was the day his brother decided to learn that language could be a complicated thing.

"It's not just infidelity that makes me concerned for her safety. The women I've spoken to talk of Danethar's use of violence with them- both physical and emotional. He's beaten them and has forced himself on them when they try to send him away. They say he's verbally cruel and manipulative in the way he deals with them. Father, I fear that our cousin may be experiencing the same treatment."

"Have you evidence of it?"

Still cold and disinterested. Loki was beginning to suspect that the Allfather wasn't just trying to appear impartial until he'd heard all the facts about the situation. But why? He had no answer to that question, and said nothing as Frigga stepped forward to give her account. Hopefully she'd have better luck to break through Odin's indifference.

"My King, yes, I'm afraid we do. I have spoken with the healer, Maddie, who has been treating injuries for Lilith over the past few months. She is also willing to swear to the truth of them before you, and to their severity."

"What sort of injuries did the healer describe?"

"Husband," his mother began, her tone changed from formal to betray how much she was distressed by what she'd heard. "Maddie tells me he's used her so violently that she may never heal enough to have children."

_So that's what she meant by permanent_, Loki thought in dismay. Although he never could picture Lilith bearing offspring with that waste of flesh, he could see her as a mother with children of her own. _But now that bastard may have taken even _that_ away from her._

Loki couldn't deny that he was furious, and the fact that the Allfather wasn't upset even in the slightest only made him angrier. He wanted to explode at all of them. Why were they just sitting here? Danethar could return to that house and inflict his unique brand of torture on Lilith at any moment. Shouldn't they be ordering his execution- or at least his arrest? Odin did neither of those things.

"I see. The matter bears consideration and thought."

"Husband, we ask that you insist Lilith be returned to the palace," Frigga offered. "She cannot be allowed to remain with this man."

"I will not make such a decision in haste, my Queen. While I agree the situation is serious, I must hear more of it before I can order the man to surrender his wife."

Surely they'd heard wrong. Had Odin just said he was going to keep Lilith in the hands of that monster just because he wanted to be sure he wasn't intruding on _Danethar's_ rights? What about _hers_? Did the Allfather think the warrior would hold off on beating or raping her in the meantime? Loki was incensed, hanging onto his cool façade by a thread. He envied his brother, who was able to express his frustration at their father's decision.

"So we leave her in that house and he gets away with it all? How long do you ask Lilith to wait, Father? She's waited long enough already."

"Peace, my son. I wish to speak with Heimdall to discover what he has witnessed regarding Lord Danethar and his wife. I am disturbed that if your accounts are true that he has not mentioned it before now."

Those words struck a chord with Frigga, who jumped slightly in surprise. She raised her hands to her face and shook her head.

"The secret. How could I have not guessed it earlier," she whispered under her breath so quietly that Loki was sure only he heard it. Odin certainly hadn't noticed. He was calling for a messenger to summon Heimdall to the palace, and wasn't paying attention to any of them.

"After I have spoken with Asgard's Watchman, I will make my decision regarding Lord Danethar. The two of you-" he seemed not to care that Loki was with them- "are not to take any action until after I have done so. Are my orders clear?"

"Yes, sir," Thor agreed reluctantly.

"Yes, my King," his mother echoed, just as dismayed.

"This audience is concluded. You may go."

Loki couldn't help feeling angry and uneasy about the outcome of the audience. He'd gone into it far more certain that Lilith would be delivered from her misery than he was coming away from it. Something about Odin's reaction struck him as…deceptive. The Allfather seemed to have something to hide.

_What don't you want us to know about, Odin? What are you concerned we'll discover if we bring Lilith back to the palace?_

* * *

Heimdall read the written order from the palace messenger and knew the time had finally come. A summons to the palace by the Allfather himself. Such a thing could concern only one thing- Lilith. He'd known it was coming after what he'd seen last night and this morning. Danethar had finally taken it too far. And whatever Loki had been waiting for, he'd gotten it, or no longer cared enough to let the warrior keep on treating Lilith this way. The God of Lies had finally exposed a great, terrible truth.

_And now the Allfather is going to want me to explain why I didn't_.

Whatever came of this audience, Heimdall wouldn't regret keeping his oath to Lilith. He just hoped she'd forgive what he was about to tell the Allfather.

"Sif," he called across the Bifrost. "Keep an eye on things here for me. I'm needed at the palace for a while."

"Something wrong?"

"I'm hoping a wrong is about to be set right," he replied.

"What's that?"

"Nevermind. I'll be back soon."

With some help, he was quick to arrive at the palace and was escorted to an audience chamber to stand before the Allfather. On one hand, more quickly than he liked. Odin was looking down on him very severely, and he could have used more time to prepare himself for what he was going to say. On the other, he'd had three months to prepare, and if that hadn't been enough time, a few more minutes wouldn't have made any difference now.

"My King, how may I be of service?"

"Heimdall, reports have reached me that Lord Danethar may be causing trouble in Asgard." Oddly formal and oddly phrased for what Heimdall had expected to hear. He waited for the Allfather to address him with a direct question. "Have you observed anything unusual occurring in the warrior's home? Specifically regarding his wife?"

Again, not quite the question he expected. Heimdall would have thought Odin already knew the details and had brought him here to know why he hadn't reported them. So he wasn't sure what to say, or how much to reveal. Safest to start vague.

"I have noticed the peace in that part of the city has been disturbed frequently over the past few months."

"Disturbed in what way?"

"Danethar is fond of using his fists on Lady Lilith."

"Is he provoked to take such action?"

Appalled that the Allfather would imply that what happened to Lilith was _her_ fault, he leapt immediately to her defense.

"Not by her. The Lady has done nothing to warrant what I've seen, my King."

"Have you seen anything else?"

Strange that Odin would have no follow up questions about the beatings. He didn't even ask what _did_ provoke the warrior if it wasn't Lilith's doing. Granted, Heimdall didn't have an answer to that question. But shouldn't the Allfather have asked it? He couldn't help thinking that he should have asked a lot of things. But since he hadn't, Heimdall could only press on to answer what had been asked of him. What he'd have to say next would not be easy.

"I'm sorry to say I have." The Allfather waited patiently for him to continue. "Odin…he forces that poor girl into his bed. And the things he's done…it's a wonder she's still alive."

Heimdall prayed he wouldn't be called upon for details. But from the impassive stare, Odin didn't seem interested in hearing more on the subject. Why not? Lilith was family- shouldn't he be more concerned about what was happening to her? That he was treating this the same as a land dispute worried and disturbed him.

"Is that all?"

Of course it wasn't, but now Heimdall wasn't so certain he wanted to reveal what else he'd seen in that house. If the Allfather wasn't interested in Danethar's abuse, maybe this meeting was about something else. What if the Allfather had discovered Loki's activity and was trying to find out how much Heimdall had known about it? No good could come of telling Odin that he did know, no matter what his reasons were at the time.

"Heimdall, I ask you again- have you seen Danethar's wife do anything strange in the past few months?"

_Why does he keep referring to her that way?_ Lilith may have married Danethar, but she was still family. It seemed odd that Odin wouldn't call her by name or refer to her as his kin. And what's more, the direction of the question seemed to suggest that the Allfather was asking about the gates. As if he already knew about them. _Better to disclose those than to admit that I haven't informed him of Loki's true whereabouts these past few weeks._

"There has been one other thing," he admitted at last. "My King, I've witnessed the Lady create what appear to be gateways between Asgard and another realm."

"How often have you witnessed this phenomenon?"

"Several times, but I suspect she's been creating them for some time."

"And where do they go to?"

"I don't recognize the realm, and it's only been just the one that I've seen. I don't know if she can create them to others. In any case, they rarely last long."

"Have you seen anyone pass through them?"

Heimdall was uneasy about how intensely Odin was questioning him about the subject. Just what was this about, anyway? He worried that Lilith was in trouble, and felt it was best to do something he'd never thought he'd do. Heimdall lied to the Allfather.

"No, my King. They've functioned like windows from what I could see. No one has come through."

He wasn't sure Odin believed him, but his answer stopped the line of inquiry.

"I thank you for your information, Heimdall. In future, you will be more proactive about informing me of potential breaches into Asgard. Though these gateways appeared harmless, you do not know that they could not be used against us."

"Yes, my King." It was as he'd feared; Lilith _was_ the one in trouble, not Danethar.

"You are dismissed. Keep to your watch on the Bifrost."

"I will, you may count on it."

Heimdall excused himself and returned to his post, heart heavy. What would it take to make them see Danethar for what he truly was?

* * *

Thor received a note by palace messenger not long after he saw Heimdall leave. He was to intercept Danethar on his return from patrol duty and bring him to the palace. It didn't say what the Allfather had decided, but he hoped this was a sign that he would address the warrior's crimes before Lilith suffered any more. On his way to apprehend the man, he saw his mother and Loki. They held messages, too.

"What did yours say," he asked them.

"We're to attend an audience in the main hall," Frigga answered with a slight frown. "Yours?"

"I'm to find Danethar and bring him here."

"I don't like this," Loki muttered. "I don't like the feel of any of this."

"Relax, Brother. You worry too much. Not everything is so mysterious and underhanded as you might suspect. Heimdall must have set Father straight about Danethar and he can feel confident that Lilith should be brought home."

"Did you actually _see_ Heimdall when he left?"

"Yeah."

"You didn't think he seemed a little…dejected?"

"Probably got an earful about keeping this all under wraps for three months. He should have come forward sooner."

"He couldn't, Thor. Lilith told him not to."

"How do _you_ know that," Frigga demanded.

"I asked him," Loki admitted with a shrug. "Or rather, 'Ilsa' asked him. Same thing. He's known since almost the beginning that she and I were the same person."

"And didn't say anything to any of us," Thor growled under his breath.

"I think he hinted at it," his mother spoke up. "The day he summoned me to the Bifrost. He said I should take an interest in what you were up to, Loki. Heimdall knew then, didn't he?"

"One would expect so."

"I don't understand- why wouldn't he just tell you, Mother. Why waste time with something that subtle and _hope_ you figured it out?"

"I don't know, my son. You'd have to ask _him_ his reasons."

"That's not even the point," Loki interrupted irritably.

"So what was your point?"

"I don't think Heimdall's mood had anything to do with his failure to report Lilith's situation to the Allfather. I think whatever went on in there- it wasn't much different from the conversation _we_ had with him. I don't think he feels Odin will do anything about Danethar."

"Then why am I going to fetch him here?"

"I don't know, but I don't like it."

"Mother, you talk some sense into him while I go find Danethar. I don't have time for games and speculation."

With that, he left the two of them in search of the warrior. Thor wanted no chance that he'd return home to plague Lilith. His first stop was at the barracks, where he knew he would find Eckert and Willem. Or at least that's where they _ought_ to be. No guarantee they weren't somewhere in the city, stalking helpless women. After he was through with Danethar, they'd be next.

Fortune favored him. All three men were camped out in the barracks common room. Thor strode over to their group and clamped a hand on Danethar's shoulder, intentionally squeezing hard enough to make the man wince.

"Odinson, what gives?" Eckert asked with a scowl.

"Lord Danethar's presence is required up at the palace. Right now."

"By who?"

"The Allfather." Thor was satisfied to see all three of them turn grey. "And don't be surprised if I'm back for you two soon enough."

"What for?"

"You'll know when it happens. Come on, Danethar, let's go."

They exited the common room and crossed the courtyard to the palace in silence. Thor had nothing he wanted to say to the wretch, and Danethar couldn't talk past what seemed to be a great lump of fear lodged in his throat. So much the better; he didn't want to hear anything he'd have to say, anyway. They passed through corridors until Thor came to the main audience hall. From the sounds inside, more than just Frigga and Loki were present. The door opened and a page poked his head into the hallway. When he saw Thor and Danethar, he nodded.

"Excellent, the Allfather was just looking for you. He's ready to begin the hearing."

"_Hearing_!?" Danethar exclaimed, finally finding his voice. "What in the nine realms is this about?"

"As if you didn't already know." Thor gave the warrior a shove towards the door. "Be grateful you're even getting one."

The audience hall was half-full, despite the lateness of the hour. His mother and Loki were near the dais, where the Allfather sat in full regalia. On either side of the central aisle stood a host of witnesses. Thor saw several of Danethar's former conquests among them. Lord Timar was present, as were Birgitta and Marie. Everyone glared at Danethar as they walked down the aisle, but no one spoke a word. The Allfather stood as they approached. Thor knelt briefly and bowed his head, hoping Danethar had the good sense to do the same.

"Lord Danethar, you will rise and face the accusations against you."

"My King, I have done nothing to warrant this hearing," the man had the gall to say.

"You have been charged with violating your marriage vows by engaging in acts of infidelity."

Murmurs rippled through the hall, and Thor caught a few unsavory remarks directed at the warrior. Not surprising, given that the worst of the charges were yet to come. As for Danethar, his jaw clenched tightly, but he made no attempt to deny the accusation. Like he could.

"What have you to say," Odin demanded.

"I admit that I have strayed to seek _affection_ from other women," he said at last. "But I plead mercy from you. Perhaps I wasn't yet ready to live in a committed partnership. I made mistakes, unwilling to admit that I was concerned that I couldn't handle such responsibility. I understand that it was wrong."

Thor wondered that Danethar's tongue didn't snap off its roller at such a lie. Not even Loki could have spun a prettier tale to cover his tracks And speaking of his brother…Loki looked positively outraged. Far more upset than Thor would have thought, actually. He'd had time to think- and cool his anger- since finding out that Ilsa had been a disguise. Whatever he'd been doing, Loki hadn't been using the disguise to make a fool of him, or anyone else. And as much as his brother claimed he didn't care about their cousin, his actions told a much different story. Once Lilith was safe, Thor was determined to get to the bottom of it.

"And what of the other accusations, Lord Danethar? How do you explain reports of mistreatment and abuse?"

"Now that's not true," the warrior protested. More murmurs, louder and angrier this time. "I am perhaps overly enthusiastic, and maybe come across as forceful, but I have never deliberately caused harm to anyone."

"Never caused…" Thor bit off before he could contain himself. "You lying bastard!"

"Hold, Odinson," the Allfather commanded. "You have already spoken on this subject. This hearing is Lord Danethar's opportunity to explain his position."

Fuming, Thor reined in the curses…and fists…he wanted to lay upon the man beside him. He'd better get a chance to say them when this was over, though, or he might burst something.

"Allfather, I believe in this matter, I am being unjustly persecuted. As you can see, Thor Odinson has taken it upon himself to ruin my good name with lies and rumors of abuse when nothing exists. He has stirred up hatred against me."

"Be that as it may, I have heard testimony from several women to corroborate the Prince's claims. A Lady Riada testified that after telling you she wished to break off your liaison, you threatened to beat her and then forced yourself on her. The same was said by a Lady Elspeth. How do you explain these allegations?"

"Misunderstandings," Danethar claimed. "Quarrels between lovers taken out of context and twisted into something they're not by people who weren't involved."

"Rapist!" screamed a woman's voice from somewhere behind them. "The only misunderstanding is your inability to grasp what 'no' means!"

After that, the hall filled with a cacophony of angry shouts and raised voices. The rage in the room was almost palpable, and even Thor was slightly alarmed by it. But Odin ordered everyone to silence. Even after he'd done so, it took several minutes for the audience hall to resume its former quiet; the undercurrents of rage remained.

"Lord Danethar, it appears you have underestimated the impact of your conduct. The opinion of your accusers is decidedly of the mindset that your attentions are not wanted."

"I never heard such complaints before the Prince involved himself in my business."

"Even so, I suggest you re-evaluate your behavior and strive to be more conscious of how others perceive it in the future."

_In the future? What future?_ Thor thought in confusion and alarm. _Once you get to the abuse he's committed against Lilith, the only future Danethar can expect is a miserable existence in the palace dungeons. And that's just long enough to set a date for his execution._

"Yes, my King. I will be sure to do so."

"I should also warn you that you will be monitored over the coming months. I want no more talk of infidelity; you have a wife, and are expected to seek no other lovers. You owe her an apology for having been unfaithful over the past few months."

"I understand."

"So long as you continue to show remorse and no additional reports come to me I shall deem this matter closed. Make use of your second chance, Lord Danethar, and make amends for your previous behavior."

"Of course, I appreciate the opportunity."

"You are dismissed, Lord Danethar. I suggest you go home."

_NO! _Thor's mind screamed at him. _You can't let him go! What about Lilith!?_

The onlookers and witnesses seemed just as shocked by the decision as he was. Shocked and angry. Most of their anger was directed at the Allfather, but more than a few women glared at him, Birgitta in particular. No doubt she felt as though he'd lied to her. He'd promised that he'd help them, but they'd been right. Nothing had come of it. Danethar was loose among them as if nothing happened, and he suspected Eckert and Willem wouldn't even get a warning.

Thor's gaze fell on Loki, who stared directly at him. The expression on his face was a clear 'I told you so', and he hated to admit that his brother had been right. But for once, he could see that Loki had been hoping he would be wrong. He'd wanted Danethar punished just as much as Thor did. Or possibly more, given the malevolent look that crept into the god's eyes as he turned his attention to Danethar's retreating back. Pardoned or not, he suspected the warrior might not live long enough to enjoy it once Loki left this room.

_Brother, if you're of the mind to settle this without the Allfather's approval, this is one time I might decide to join you._

"The audience is concluded," their father announced once Danethar had left the room. "Everyone is to return to their homes and speak no more of this matter."

Furious whispers and mutters accompanied the crowd as they dispersed. Thor knew they would obey the command of their king, but that compliance was dearly bought. Odin paid for it with their respect, and word of this would spread tomorrow. He feared that the Asgardians would be back soon enough to lay complaints and accusations at the Allfather's feet. Not against Danethar or warriors like him; they'd be crying after the King's blood if he didn't show them justice.

_And I wouldn't blame them._

"With your permission, Allfather," he said aloud. "I believe I should see to the safety of the city tonight. No doubt people will be stirred up after this ruling, and my men should be keeping watch."

"You will stay," Odin commanded. "All three of you."

"But…"

"I have already sent word to the other warriors to prepare for any unrest, though I doubt we have as much to fear as you seem to think. You will remain here."

"What for?"

"Because I command it, Prince, and so you will obey."

Thor exchanged an uneasy look with his mother and Loki. How were they going to protect Lilith if none of them could leave the palace? Why was his father so adamant they stay behind?


	20. Chapter 19: The Price of Games

Loki had seen enough. He no longer doubted that the Allfather had engineered this whole audience to suit a hidden agenda. Judging from the outcome, he could think of only one logical reason Odin had bothered to summon Danethar to a public hearing. One terrible, monstrous reason.

"You _want_ him to destroy her," Loki accused Asgard's King in a dangerously quiet tone. Everyone turned to him, as if they'd forgotten he was even present. Not surprising, since up to this point, he hadn't said anything about the situation with Lilith. He had plenty to say now. "This was a show- a stage where you could incite him to rage. And then you sent him to Lilith, knowing he'll take it out on her. You've ordered her death."

"I've ordered nothing of the kind."

"Liar," he replied with a malevolent smile. "You should know better than to try that in front of me."

"I repeat, I did not issue an order to have that woman killed."

"My apologies. You're right- those exact words were never uttered. But the underlying command behind what _was_ said….that is a different story." The Allfather said nothing to Loki's argument; what could he say against it when they both knew it was true. "What perhaps might be worth knowing is _why_ you want Lilith dead so badly."

"Odin, please tell me it's not true," his mother begged as soon as he'd finished speaking. "You can't have done something so…"

"Oh but he has, Mother," Loki interrupted her. "I told you both earlier that something was wrong here, but you wouldn't listen to me. The all-seeing ruler of Asgard- you couldn't believe he would be involved in anything underhanded. Now you know the Allfather is not only involved, but can plan it himself. See how easily he can ignore the truth when it suits him. Or omit it all together. Just to ensure the death of one of his own subjects. Kin of his line, no less."

"Cease!" Odin thundered at him. "Or I will have you gagged and thrown back in the dungeons."

Loki was not intimidated by his father's ire, though Frigga seemed to be moved by it. He could see the apprehension clearly on her face, but she did not interfere or ask him to hold back. Just as well, since he had no intention of listening to her if she did.

"So you can order her death, but refuse to take responsibility for it. Silence me and it won't matter. Everyone will know." He pointed at Thor and Frigga. "They certainly do. Look at them- they know you've condemned Lilith, even if they can't understand why. They'll never forget, and neither will I."

The instant those last words were said, Loki wished them back again. They revealed his hand far too much, and by the look on the Allfather's face, his attention was drawn to them. He would not let them pass without inquiring about them. And whatever question he posed, it would be little more than a trap. For Loki or for Lilith. Perhaps both.

"I am curious to hear why any of this concerns you, Loki. You have never cared for Asgardians- not even your family. What makes you so agitated about whether Danethar's wife lives or dies?"

"Stop calling her that," Loki snapped at him, unable to stop himself from playing right into Odin's trap. "Her name is Lilith, and she didn't marry Danethar; you _gave_ her to him. She might as well have been a table or chair instead of a living person. And if he damaged her or broke her, what's to worry? I'm sure after the next battle, you'd award him with a replacement."

His control was slipping, but Loki was too angry to care. They didn't have time to play games- Lilith didn't have time. Danethar might have already reached the house by now. It wouldn't take long for him to unleash his killing fury on her.

"And I repeat- what interest is it to you?"

_You know the answer to that question,_ prodded the voice inside his head. His own voice, as it had been all along. _You've always known the answer._

Of course he knew.

_I love her._

Those words were a double-edged sword as they pierced his consciousness. On one hand, a relief because denying them had been slowly eating away at his sanity for the past few weeks. He could finally let go of all the anxiety and tension of trying to lie to himself. But the feeling didn't last long enough to truly enjoy it; a new sort of terror quickly overpowered him. Now that he admitted that Lilith meant something to him, losing her would mean something. Failure to save her would wound him in ways he would have pretended not to feel if he'd held to the lie. Love meant he was vulnerable; Loki didn't like feeling vulnerable.

He wasn't going to run away this time, though. He'd been running long enough. So that meant he'd have to find a way not to fail Lilith- for both their sakes. Even if that meant he'd have to lie a little longer to everyone else. Because as Loki cast a wary gaze to Odin, he knew a truthful answer was not going to win him this argument. The Allfather would never believe him, and Loki suspected it would spur him to make good on his threat about the dungeon. Unacceptable, so he yanked back the leash of his temper and tried to find an answer that his father wouldn't find suspicious.

"Me personally? I have no interest in _Lilith_. I care only for exposing _your_ hypocrisy in claiming to be better than I am. She's merely the example illuminating my point."

* * *

The hour was late. I was still awake, standing at the window in the parlor as I tried to ignore the ominous feeling gnawing at the back of my mind. Danethar hadn't returned home yet, but that didn't mean that anything was wrong. He may be spending the night with a mistress, thinking that last night had proved his point well enough for now. Maybe something had happened on his patrol duty today and was staying out of the city for tonight. No reason to think that it had anything to do with Ilsa's conversation with Maddie- or Maddie's conversation with Frigga. And yet I knew that it did.

A crash below confirmed my suspicions. In his rage, Danethar had slammed the door so hard that it shook the whole house. I knew it wouldn't stop there, and it didn't. Raised voices floated up the stairs- his and a woman's. Berda must have been in the kitchen yet, despite how late it was. Or had she intentionally put herself in his path? I didn't have time to guess why, as my thoughts were interrupted by a bloodcurdling scream. And another. There was no third. Silence reclaimed the house, and I feared the worst for the woman who'd been my cook and stood by me all these months. I feared for myself more; if Danethar had killed her, my fate was due to be far worse.

I did not run. I did not hide. Turning from the window to look towards the hallway, I merely waited for him to come for me as I always knew he would. And when Danethar appeared in the doorway at last, my only comfort was knowing that this would be the last time. I would die tonight, but at least this nightmare would finally end. So perhaps Ilsa had done me a favor in the end.

"I curse the day the Allfather forced you on me," he spat out venomously. "You're a worthless stone around my neck, and thanks to that scheming little bitch, Ilsa, I'm called before him at the palace for a lecture on respecting my marriage vows. Why should I respect you, Lilith? Or any of those other bitches. Whining because they actually think _they_ can tell _me_ when I'm through bedding them."

So I wasn't the only one. Not a surprise, and I showed no reaction to his tirade. That only seemed to make him angrier.

"I should have silenced that big-mouthed maid when she first started telling tales. No matter- she'll get hers tomorrow."

"And tonight," I managed to ask.

"The Allfather told me I owe you an apology for my lack of fidelity," he answered with a malicious sneer. "He never gave specifics how I was to deliver it, so I guess I'll be coming up with my own ideas tonight."

"You have no need to apologize to me, my Lord."

"You dare contradict an order from the King himself? A disrespect worthy of punishment, I think. And since the Allfather has better things to do than see to it, I'll take care of it myself. When I'm finished, I won't forget to give you my _apology_ as he commanded."

I said nothing, having already regretted provoking him. Whatever he had in mind before, I'd only added more fuel to that fire. My back pressed against the windowsill, and I considered finding my escape by leaping out of it. If I was dead either way, a broken neck from the fall would be far less painful. But I couldn't. For some stupid reason I couldn't fathom, I couldn't move.

"Come here," he barked at me.

My feet didn't budge. It seemed I was just as unable to greet the death that awaited me at Danethar's hands.

"I gave you an order, bitch. You'd better come here like you're told." When I still didn't move, his eyes glittered with pure hatred. "Have it your way, then."

He crossed the room with lightning speed, grabbing me by the shoulders. The next instant, I was crashing to the floor. My arm struck the edge of a table on the way down, sending tingling pain through me. Less than a minute later a boot pressed down on my lower back, pinning me to the floor. In that position, I lay helpless as he struck me again and again with a long, thin rod; Danethar must have gotten the poker for the fireplace. The blows were painful, but far from deadly. They could have been if he'd been of the mind to kill me quickly. But that wasn't the plan. No, Danethar would take his time.

_Ilsa told me once dying was easy. Let's hope she was right._

* * *

"Just as I thought," the Allfather replied. "You'll use anyone for anything. This matter is no different."

Frigga knew her son was lying. He cared. If he hadn't, he would have let Lilith die weeks ago. She glanced at Thor, who seemed just as dubious. So why was Odin so inclined to believe him? She had stood at his side for ages, but after today, she felt as she hardly knew him. The man she'd married and called 'King' could not be capable of what Loki accused him of doing. He could be a ruthless leader when it came to enemies of Asgard, but not to a woman who'd done nothing to provoke him. So why? Why had he done it- and how could they convince him to change his mind?

"Father," Thor spoke up. "What about Lilith? You can't possibly mean to let Danethar kill her. She's family."

"The woman is of no connection to my line or yours, Thor. She never was."

Frigga felt the floor drop out from under her for the second time this evening.

"What do you mean, Father? When you brought her here you said she was our cousin."

"The falsehood was necessary at the time," Odin answered dispassionately. "But as you seem reluctant to obey my commands without an explanation, I will correct your perspective on the woman. Perhaps with that matter put to rest, you will be less stubborn to accept the situation."

"You can't expect me to erase a lifetime of believing we're family just because you tell me it wasn't true. Lilith lived here nearly her whole life- whether a blood connection exists or not, she'll always be family to me."

"And yet for most of that time, I don't recall you ever thinking twice about her, Thor. Your perspective has been skewed on account of recent events. Once they've passed and you have no more reason to think of the woman, you will realize that your attachment was never as great as you seem to think it is."

Frigga hated to admit that it was in some part true. Lilith had been on her own most of the time, never truly included as family during important occasions. To her shame, she never thought anything strange about that until right now. Never questioned it. She'd just been a little girl who skirted around the edges of their lives until the marriage to Danethar. And even that required little of her attention- until these past two weeks. From the expression on Thor's face, he had already come to that conclusion.

"I agree that I was not always so involved in her life, but I consider that a failure as my duty as a cousin that I have recently been trying to rectify. It doesn't mean that I never cared in the first place, or would stop caring now."

"My son, I urge you not to spend yourself on this subject."

"But…why? And if she's not our cousin- who is she?"

That was something she wanted to know as well. Or rather, she didn't want to know, but felt she needed to know. Now that the box was opened and secrets were coming to light, it was her duty to hear the whole story. Frigga only hoped that she could bear what the truth might tell her before this was finished.

"I see your curiosity will not be satisfied unless you hear the account from the beginning," Odin muttered, seeming almost annoyed that they were questioning his decision. "Lilith was the daughter of a tradesman here in the city. Common stock. He dealt in books mostly, and helped supply the palace with a collection from Midgard some many years ago."

Something flashed in Loki's eyes at the mention of books, and Frigga wondered what he knew that would make that detail significant. Now was not the time to ask, though. She let Thor continue asking questions, all the while trying not to think of the time passing- specifically how it was passing for Lilith.

"So what, they just gave their daughter to you to raise in the palace?"

"Oh they never would have made such a request. The girl was their sole child. But her father mentioned Lilith's…special ability…one day when he was delivering a shipment of books."

_Special ability? _Frigga frowned in confusion. She'd never felt a whisper of power from the girl in all the time she'd lived in the palace. Thor seemed just as nonplussed, but Loki's expression was carefully blank. A dead giveaway that he was hiding something. Did he know about this ability, whatever it might be? Frigga suspected he might, but didn't let on.

"Which was," Thor queried when Odin didn't immediately continue with his explanation.

"That detail is of no importance."

"I would disagree. And since you won't release us from this room, I'll just keep asking until you give me an answer."

"Don't try my patience, Thor Odinson, or you may find yourself sharing a dungeon cell with your brother before the night is over."

"All the more proof that whatever Lilith can do, it must be important. Why can't you tell me, father? What worries you so?"

"As it won't matter for much longer, I will accommodate your request," Odin conceded, though his tone was ominous. "She can create gateways into other realms. A dangerous talent, and one her parents were reluctant to curtail."

"So you commanded them to bring her here?"

"They were, but her parents were reluctant to comply. In fact, they sought to hide the child somewhere beyond the city."

_ Oh no…no, don't say what you're going to say next, husband._

"For the good of Asgard, they were eliminated and the girl was brought here for supervision."

"But I don't understand- how did we not know about the gateways? Lilith never even mentioned them, and she was certainly old enough to find a talent like that worth talking about."

"I employed the assistance of a mage to sever the girl from her power, preventing her from reaching out to create any gateways."

"I thought a barrier like that could only be used within a limited area. How could it possibly have worked beyond the palace- or even beyond a single room?"

"You are correct. The mage used a mental block to supplement the barrier, convincing the girl she had no useful or skills that would make her important or unique. And the final part of the spell wiped out all memories of her life before coming to the palace. The threat to Asgard was rendered harmless."

"Threat," Thor exclaimed incredulously. "What threat could a little girl have been?"

"Look to your brother and tell me if you don't see how a girl like that couldn't have been a dangerous," Odin insisted. "Think of the realms he could have disappeared into- or brought down on us. Then you tell me if you would have done any different."

Thor glanced uneasily from Frigga to Loki and then back to his father. She could understand his hesitation. Loki may have some feelings for Lilith now, but she had no idea how deep they ran or whether he could even own to them. Maybe they were strong enough to overcome his nature, which would want to manipulate such a talent for his own purpose. Maybe not. And if she wasn't sure about the man he seemed to be right now, Frigga was far less certain about the one he'd been when Lilith first came to the palace. He would have tried to use such a talent against Asgard. Or to obtain control of Midgard. She knew him well enough that he would have done as much or worse in an effort to get what he wanted. So had Odin's decision been kinder in the end? Frigga did not feel comfortable with that thought.

"That doesn't explain Danethar," Thor protested at last. "If Lilith wasn't able to create gateways, why give her to him? You had to have known his character."

"Despite the mage's talent, Lilith has grown strong enough that she was close to breaking the spells. I could not risk keeping her here in the palace, especially when I'd just granted your mother's request."

"Request?"

"Loki's freedom," Odin clarified, and her heart sank. "Lilith could not be allowed to stay where your brother might discover her talent."

"But why _Danethar_? Why not someone else- _anyone _else?"

"The gates are created when she daydreams. The warrior was chosen because his temperament and treatment would minimize- or hopefully eliminate- any capacity for such activity."

Tears filled Frigga's eyes as she grasped the full import of what they'd done to Lilith. Not just the Allfather- all of them. He'd orchestrated the plan, but she'd played her role in ensuring Lilith married Danethar. Thor had provided the excuse to give her to the warrior in the first place. And Loki…he was the inspiration that started everything. Frigga dared risk a glance at her son, torn over her desire to see him free of his prison. She hadn't known that it would come at such a cost.

* * *

_It truly is all my fault_, he cried in horror. _Everything that's been done to Lilith has been on my account._

Nothing could have been worse. He had done truly monstrous things in his life- so many people he'd intentionally hurt or killed. But in all his schemes, he'd never planned to systematically destroy a life the way Lilith's had been. And yet, he had. Every decision he made and every crime he'd ever committed against Asgard or Midgard had determined the course of someone else. Not just someone- Lilith. She would still be living a normal, happy life if not for him. Even if he saved her from Danethar now, Loki could never make up for it later. Never.

"So you see, Loki," Odin turned to him with a grim smile. "In the end it was not _I_ who killed Lilith."

"She doesn't have to die," Thor insisted. "She hasn't created any gates. And we can keep _him_-" he pointed at Loki "- away from her so she can't be tricked into using her power for him."

Loki knew what Odin was going to say before Thor even finished his sentence. Now he knew exactly what Heimdall had told the Allfather during their meeting this afternoon. He knew about the gates. _And what about me? Did Heimdall tell him that I've been at Danethar's house and that I've seen the gates?_ He suspected not, or this afternoon and evening would have gone much differently. Likely, Loki would have been in a prison cell by now if Odin knew he'd been so close to using Lilith's power.

"Heimdall has informed me that she has been creating gates recently. It's simply not worth the risk."

Thor rounded on Loki, narrowing his eyes in a furious glare.

"Then put him back in his cage. Let Loki pay the rest of his sentence and Lilith can live free."

Loki would have offered that solution himself had he not known it was a wasted suggestion. He didn't relish the thought of returning to his prison, but if that's what it would take to end Lilith's suffering, he would have done it willingly. Hadn't she sacrificed herself time and again for him? He could do it for her this once. But offering his freedom would not change the Allfather's mind, and he was quickly proven right.

"I have made my decision, Thor. The girl is too dangerous and must be stopped at any cost. You will have to make your peace with that."

"And what of Danethar when it's over? What happens to him?"

"The warrior will have served his purpose and will have no further value to Asgard. He will be dealt with. As will the other two you mentioned."

_And you'll couch the whole thing as a means of regaining the faith of your beloved Asgardian subjects. That's why you didn't mention that he abused her during the audience. So you can claim that Lilith's death was an unfortunate miscalculation of his character and give them the execution they want._

Not if Loki had anything to say about it. Time was against him, but it hadn't run out yet. If he could slip away from the palace and teleport to Danethar's house, he might yet thwart Odin's grisly plan. But the Allfather couldn't know that was his design, or sure as snow in winter, he'd be guarded. Or worse. Time for a diversion. He hoped that his talent for lies and deception would work in his favor. And that when this was over, Thor would forgive him for what he was about to do.

"You see, Brother, all ends well enough," he forced himself to say. "It's a pity about Lilith, but you'll get Danethar in the bargain. Just like you wanted."

Thor's temper exploded, which was exactly the reaction he'd been hoping for. Of course, it had its dangers. Loki side stepped a punch aimed at his jaw, avoiding the blow by a fraction. The fact that his brother missed at all attested to how upset he was. Thor tried to get at him again, Mjolnir in his hand. Loki hoped that Thor would be reasonable enough _not_ to call the lightning. As he continued to evade his enraged brother, he caught Frigga's thoughtful look. She hadn't said much during the whole exposition of Lilith's history, but she'd been watching him closely. Loki could see her working out in her mind what he was up to.

"You miserable wretch," Thor snarled. "She's going to die and you stand there talking of it as though it's a rained out picnic."

"Well, I don't see how shouting is going to do any good."

"As if you would have any concept of what that word means."

"Not this argument again. I'd just soon spare myself another performance." He turned to Odin. "Is there any reason I have to stand here listening to him scream at me? I would find it more pleasant to get some rest. After all, the afternoon and evening have been quite long."

"And it shall be longer yet. No one is to leave this room until I am satisfied the danger is passed."

"What- wait here like wet cats in a sack for some messenger to come in and announce that the woman is dead? Spare me the boredom of _that_ experience."

It was a risk, but Loki took a casual step towards the doors leaving the audience hall.

"You are to remain, Loki, whether you are bored or not," Odin commanded. "I will not have you interfering."

"Interfering?" he questioned with a forced grin. "Here I thought I was removing myself from a useless quarrel."

"Your lies won't work this time. I know if you leave here, you'll want to protect the gates. You will not be allowed to use them to endanger Asgard or Midgard for your own design."

A laugh rose from deep within him- sharp-edged and borderline hysterical. The wise, all-seeing Allfather thought he only cared about Lilith's power. If Loki had known about the gates a few months ago, he might have agreed with him. And even up to this morning, he'd been convincing himself he was delivering her from Danethar just to use them. Lies. All lies. He thought he'd been protecting himself by sticking to them, but they'd only doomed Lilith. He stood to lose so much more than _gates._ Loki kept walking, ignoring Odin's orders. Over his shoulder, he called back to him.

"You won't let _me_ interfere? I refuse to let _you_ tell me what or who I choose to protect. Just you try to stop me."

He should have known the Allfather was prepared for his defiance, and would have reinforcements standing by. Had Loki been thinking clearly- or at all- he would have foreseen that instantly, and would have teleported out of the audience hall. But he wasn't and didn't. So he'd made it less than five steps before mages flooded into the room and surrounded him.

"Seize him and return the prisoner to his cell."

"Odin!" his mother protested.

"My Queen, I will have my way in this. Loki has proven he cannot be trusted. He will be returned to the dungeons."

"But it's not what you think. He's-"

"Not going to change, no matter how much you wish it."

As they argued, Loki struggled. Not only for his life, but for Lilith's. He was the only one who could possibly reach her in time now. But the mages shielded the room, and blocked his ability to teleport. He was trapped, and they came forward to bind him. If they succeeded, Loki knew what would come of it. He'd be drained of his power and led like a puppet to the deepest, darkest cell in all of Asgard.

"You can't do this! I won't let you destroy her!" he screamed as they surrounded him. "Imprison me if that's what it takes, but let me get her away from that monster first!"

"The way I see it, I'm already delivering her from a monster. You will go to the dungeons and there you will remain. Get on with it- bind him."

He fought, but it was of no use. Desperate, he resorted to begging, but not one of them heard his pleas. And in the end, they won. He was taken, still calling out for Lilith's life as the mages led him away. Down to the bowels of the palace, where they tossed him roughly in an empty cell and slammed the door shut behind him.

_I've lost her; I've lost everything,_ Loki despaired brokenly.


	21. Chapter 20: Sacrifice

The whole evening had gone all wrong. Not only had he not saved Lilith, but he'd also lost his brother. Thor couldn't be more upset about this situation- or with his father. So as soon as the hall was silent again, he turned to Odin with his arms crossed. He was going to get an explanation. That at least he was owed.

"Why did you do it," he demanded angrily. "It didn't have to end this way. So I want to know why you chose this outcome over any other that might have spared us- not to mention Lilith- so much agony."

"I do not have to explain my reasons."

His mother stepped forward, laying a hand on Thor's shoulder when he would have lunged at his father. She was calm, yet determined as she approached the Allfather.

"Yes, Odin, you do. Lilith may not be kin by blood and her talent may have made her dangerous to Asgard, but she was no criminal. She did not deserve to be tortured this way. And since she'll never get an explanation for it, you at least owe one to us."

To his eye, his father looked…uncomfortable. Something about the way he held his shoulders stiffly and the strained look at the corner his eye. To most, Odin would appear stoic and uncaring. Thor knew better, as did his mother.

"Father, please. Just give us some reason to make sense of all this."

The Allfather sighed heavily, rubbing a hand across his forehead.

"It was never supposed to go this far," he said at last. "Had I known that this would have been necessary, I would have chosen differently all those years ago."

"Chosen how?"

"I would have ordered her death then and ended it before it began."

Thor didn't feel much better about that solution, even if it would have been a quicker end for Lilith. He still didn't understand why she had to die. Loki was the problem- and was far less deserving of a second chance than she was. Despite his recent apparent change of heart, he should have never been released from his prison cell.

"So you still would have picked Loki over her- despite everything he's done. You would have killed her to spare him. If you recall, he's no more kin by blood than Lilith is. So why is _his_ life worth so much more than _hers_ to you?"

"Loki was my primary concern, yes. But even on her own, the girl has the potential to be dangerous. Suppose I had let her continue on with a talent like that. How long before she discovered a realm hostile to ours- even by accident? Could she control it to keep them out of Asgard? It is a risk we cannot afford, my son."

"Then you're right. You _should_ have killed her back then. What could have been the purpose in taking everything she was away from her just to keep her alive?"

"I had expected the mage's spells to work. Lilith could still live a productive life in Asgard."

"She never lived at all. Not once that mage got done with her."

"So you think she'd rather be dead than to lose something she wouldn't remember losing?"

"Well, I'd ask Lilith her opinion, but Danethar has likely beaten her to death by now," Thor answered sarcastically.

"There's no need for that tone."

"You bet there is. If you wanted Lilith dead, I could think of easier ways for her to die. I would have done it myself months ago to spare her what he's done. I would have hated myself for it, but at least I'd have a clearer conscience."

"An unfortunate necessity. While a formal execution may have been more expedient, it would have raised too many questions."

"For you, you mean. Asgardians would have wanted to know why," said Thor as he truly began to understand what had been the purpose of the audience. "Loki was right- you used the hearing to order Lilith's death without actually saying the words. They'll all blame Danethar and when you execute _him_, you'll be seen as the grieving patriarch rendering justice in the name of Asgard."

"Consider it the price for keeping peace and order in the Realm."

"It's _wrong_."

"It's already done."

The words echoed in the hall with a sense of finality- a trap sprung shut around him. Around all of them. And Thor had never seen it. Desperately, he tried appealing to Frigga for help. If anyone could sway Odin, she could.

"Mother…"

"Thor, I'm afraid your father is right. It's done and there's nothing either of us can do about it."

He thought he caught a slight emphasis on 'us', and Frigga looked as though she was trying to convey something to him. Thor despaired of deciphering it. He was best suited to plain speaking and straightforward orders; secret messages were more his brother's expertise. A thought that caught his attention with a jolt.

Loki.

Of course. Thor and Frigga could _never_ hope to stop Danethar, but if his brother were to be freed from the dungeons…he could easily teleport to the house. The question was- would he cooperate? Frigga obviously thought he would, so Thor could at least try. So how was he supposed to get down there without the Allfather realizing what he planned to do? Releasing Loki from the dungeon was tantamount to treason; Odin would imprison him for it no question. And who knew for how long.

_I sure hope you have a plan, Mother._

"Why don't you take some time to yourself," she suggested, as if reading his thoughts. "Maybe a view from my balcony will remind you how much more is at stake than a single life."

Thor wondered why she might want him to go to her suite. He doubted Frigga really intended for him to use her balcony, but she wanted him there. What else could be of help to him in that part of the palace? Her apartment was at the far end of the hallway; Thor never understood why she wanted to be so close to the staircase at that end of the corridor. It was far less used than the one at his end, since it led to…the dungeons. That staircase was an alternate route to the bowels of the palace, and one that was less likely to be guarded. He might reach Loki's cell before anyone noticed him. Thor tried not to look too eager to take up Frigga's suggestion.

"I don't see how it'll help, but if you think so…" he replied with a shrug. "Unless my father decides we're to stay here, I guess."

"Odin- surely at this point any chance of interfering with Danethar's task is long gone."

His father hesitated, debating the merit of Frigga's request. "I believe the danger has passed," Odin relented. "But I expect you to remain here in the palace. I will know if you try to leave."

"Yes, I understand."

"Then you are dismissed."

He bowed slightly to the Allfather and left the audience hall. Keeping his steps measured and unhurried was difficult, but Thor managed it until he was far enough away to break into a run. Every second counted, and he refused to accept just yet that it was too late to rescue Lilith. He knew Danethar- more than he ever wanted to- and knew that whatever the warrior planned for her, it wouldn't be quick. They still had time. He had to believe that.

The staircase was deserted, spiraling endlessly deeper to the bottom of the world. Or at least it felt that way as Thor's boots rang on the carved stone. Stair after stair. And the deeper he descended, the dimmer the curved stone walls became. Fewer torches lit his way, and footing became treacherous. Every so often, he arrived at landings where a corridor would stretch out into the darkness, lined with cells. Loki wouldn't be in any of those, so Thor kept on. Down and down until the last stair. Only one cell on this level. He strode across the uneven stone to approach the bars keeping his brother caged.

It was the perfect prison. No sign of door or exit of any kind once the prisoner stepped inside. And inside the bars, a magical barrier that fed off any attempt to escape. So the harder someone struggled to defeat it, the stronger it became. And by contrast, the weaker the condemned prisoner would become. As he said- perfect. Minus one flaw. Anyone could open it from the outside. Odin had never anticipated that anyone would intentionally free Loki- or disobey his decree. Thor usually wouldn't, but his instincts told him this was the right thing to do.

"Loki," he called out into the darkness when he didn't see him right away. "Brother, where are you?"

* * *

He was hearing things. A new voice this time to taunt him- this one sounding like Thor. Loki didn't raise his head from the stone floor, and curled tighter to himself. When the mages had left him, he'd raged into the darkness. Against Danethar. Against the Allfather. Even himself. It hadn't mattered that no one was around to hear him; Loki just needed to get the words out. But once the rage was spent and he began to think about how much time had gone by…despair was all he had left.

No way out. He'd spent _years_ trying without success last time. If Lilith had any chance yet- and he knew that was slim- Loki didn't have nearly enough to work out an answer to escaping this prison. She was going to die, and nothing could stop it. Might as well accept his punishment, a lifetime of guilt and pain of knowing it was his fault. So he'd sunk to the floor and wondered how long he could endure it before losing what was left of his mind.

"Brother- you'd better answer me quickly. We don't have time for your games."

"Then go away," he replied hoarsely. "I've had more than my share of talking to imaginary voices lately to last me."

"I am _not_ imaginary," Thor's voice called back in irritation. "So don't make me come in there and fetch you out."

Doubt crept in. Was that really his brother? It sounded like him. But his mind was devious enough to mimic him as perfectly as any other voice. Why couldn't it leave him alone? Wasn't admitting the truth torture enough? Loki felt some of his anger return, and got to his feet. He knew it was pointless to argue with a phantom of his imagination, but charged at the cell bars, anyway.

"You've won- I should have listened from the beginning and because I didn't, Lilith's dead. So you were right. The game wasn't worth it. Now leave me alone!"

The apparition of his brother fell backwards a step, confusion plain.

"What are you talking about, Brother? You're not making sense."

Loki paced on his side of the prison in agitation, tunneling both hands through his hair. If he tried hard enough, he could make it all go away. But he couldn't focus. Couldn't seem to find where it was hiding in his mind.

"She's dead and it's all my fault. I didn't even know…I never thought to pay attention when it mattered. When she might have still had a chance. All my stupid games- what'd they get _me_ in the end? Nothing. And they got _her_ killed. Worse than that, even. What those mages did…what they took from her. A lifetime of believing she was never good enough for anything. Because of _me_. How many times will I have to confess it before you leave me alone?"

For several minutes, Loki heard nothing. Just the sounds of his harsh breathing in his dark prison.

_Please, just leave me alone_, he begged inwardly.

"You truly do care, don't you?"

"I already told you I did."

"Loki, who are you talking to?"

"Myself- who else? I'm the only one here."

"Listen, you really need to get a grip on yourself. Mother is upstairs distracting Odin, but he's going to figure out what I'm up to shortly. So if we're going to get you out, you're going to have to believe me when I tell you I'm really me."

Something in the tone finally penetrated into Loki's mental fog. He stopped pacing and turned to the room on the other side of the steel bars. In the dim light, he studied the figure opposite him. Certainly _looked_ real. But Thor would never help him on purpose.

"Why would you want me out of here?"

"Because despite what you say, I haven't given up on saving Lilith. And if it's true and you really do give a damn about her, then you're the only one to get to her now."

"I get it- you're here to tempt me with false hope. Look, I've got enough going on up here-" he raised a hand to his head "-to keep me suitably tortured for the rest of my life. I don't need any help."

"You are so damned stubborn sometimes. Fine- you won't believe me? I'll prove that I'm telling you the truth."

Thor yanked open the door, grabbed Loki by the shirt collar and dragged him out of the cell. When he let go, Loki couldn't keep from stumbling until he was able to get his feet under him. His eyes swiveled immediately behind him to the prison he'd expected to spend the rest of eternity. Now an empty room.

"You're real." It was the only thing he could say.

"No shit. So can we focus on Lilith now?"

"Most definitely." He eyed Thor, considering what to do next.

"What?" his brother asked warily.

"I'm going to need you for this, I think. So get ready- we're going for a ride."

* * *

"You don't approve, my Queen. Go ahead and say it. I know you're thinking it."

Frigga could barely contain herself. She'd held silent through most of the evening because she couldn't be sure what she might say. Even now, after Loki and Thor had gone and it was just the two of them. But she had to say something. She couldn't call herself his wife- much less his Queen- if she held back what she thought about what she'd heard today.

"You're right," she agreed in clipped tones. "I don't approve. Not of what was done to Lilith when she was a child. Not of what we did to her these past few months. And definitely not of what you ordered to happen to her tonight."

"I had no choice, my Queen."

"There is _always_ a choice. Certainly more honorable ones than what you've done. How can you sit there and pretend that you've done the right thing?"

"Asgard is mine to protect- and I protected it as best as I could."

"No, husband, you didn't. The way I see it, you protected yourself. You let fear stand in the way of wisdom, and it's cost Lilith everything- including her life. And that's what I can't understand," she continued. "What were you so afraid of that you would submit to it?"

"It may be hard to accept, but I acted out of love, Frigga. Not fear."

"Love? How could you call _any_ of this love?"

"Please, if you will listen, I will tell you what I could not say earlier."

"Why couldn't you?"

Odin wearily took his seat on the throne, setting aside his scepter and regal armor. Without them, he seemed less commanding- less certain- but Frigga refused to be swayed by appearances. The Allfather had much to explain before her opinion would be softened.

"Because I had to be certain about Loki before I let him go."

"Let…him go? But you sent him to the _dungeons_."

"Which is where you sent Thor just now, is it not?"

Meaning he'd known all along that's what she planned to do. Frigga was embarrassed to have been caught trying to deceive him, but Odin didn't seem all that upset. From his tone of voice, maybe she'd done what he'd wanted.

"He may have taken a detour by way of the back stairs," she admitted.

"Stairs that will not be guarded. Nor will Loki's cell. So by now, they've likely escaped and are on their way to Danethar's house to rescue Lilith."

"Will you call the guards to stop them?"

"No."

Well, now Frigga was thoroughly confused. Why would Odin pretend to put obstacles in the way, if only to make it so easy to evade them? It made no sense.

"But…"

"I told you- I had to be sure he was serious. That he was ready to change the way you and I have always hoped he would."

"But what does that have to do with Lilith?"

"She was the key, and always has been. Not us. Not Thor. Lilith. I saw it long ago when her father first came to the palace. Loki does not remember it, but he has met her before. Even as a child, Lilith had a hold over him that was much stronger than anyone else. Where we would fail, she would not."

"And you felt it necessary to kill her family to bring her here?"

"Lilith's parents died on a buying trip in Midgard; I lied earlier to test Loki's reaction."

"But- he believed it. Wouldn't he have known you were lying?"

"Yes, Frigga, he should have been able to tell. So why didn't he?"

She couldn't say for sure, but that was the least of her questions right now.

"What of the rest of it- the story about the mage? Was that a lie, too?"

"No. The mage was truth."

"But why? Why was it necessary to use the spells to lock her away from her talent and destroy her self-esteem in that way? If Lilith could influence him, why not just bring her to the palace let her do it? Loki could have been reformed years ago, sparing countless lives."

"I wish it were that simple, Frigga, I really do. But the gateways- they got in the way. He would have seen them and thought of nothing else. In those early days, Lilith would have had no defense against what Loki might have done to use them. Not only would we have lost him, but Asgard and Midgard would have fallen."

"So you hired the mage."

"Yes. It was not lightly done. I knew exactly what I was doing to the girl, and what permanent harm may come of it. But I had no other option."

"So why didn't she change him? Loki didn't even notice Lilith for most of her life when she stayed in the palace."

"He was not yet ready, as much as I'd hoped he would be. Loki has always been a stubborn one since the day I brought him home. Things always have to happen on his terms."

Frigga could hardly credit Odin's account, but he was gravely serious. Part of her relented, and she went to his side to offer some comfort. She closed a hand atop his, and he placed his left over hers. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Frigga was able to ask about the part of all this that bothered her the most.

"What about Danethar? How do you explain that?"

"The moment was right," Odin answered quietly. "If Loki was ever going to be capable of change, this was the time. So I allowed him to be freed from the dungeons. Unfortunately, as you pointed out- he saw no reason to take an interest in Lilith as I'd hoped. So I had to give him one."

"So you intentionally married her to that monster? Have you any idea what he's done to her?"

"Yes, I do. Lady Berda has been my spy in Danethar's home since the day the couple arrived. She has kept me informed of the goings on. And yes, there have been times when I very nearly gave up. But I didn't, because sooner or later, I knew Loki would find his way there."

"Then you already know…"

"That he disguised himself as the servant woman 'Ilsa' these past few weeks? Yes, my dear wife, I knew. What I didn't know until today was whether Loki wanted the gates, or Lilith."

"That's why you asked to talk with Heimdall."

Here Odin smiled briefly.

"The Watchman thought he was keeping a secret from me, and I've let him think he got away with it. When I summoned him here this afternoon, he told me about Danethar, and the gates. But Heimdall mentioned nothing of Loki, despite knowing 'Ilsa's' true identity and that in that disguise, he's witnessed Lilith's ability. He wouldn't have kept silent if he suspected Loki would use the gates to threaten Asgard."

"Then why the audience? Why make her suffer any more than she already has?"

Odin's shoulders slumped in defeat.

"I had to make an awful decision, Frigga. Quite possibly the worst I've ever had to make, and one I hope was right. But I knew unless Lilith was truly threatened, Loki was never going to admit that she'd affected him. He would have always been just slightly less than he could be."

Frigga said nothing for several minutes, just thinking about everything Odin had told her. It had been a risky and terrible gamble on both Lilith and Loki's lives. At any point, one or both of them may not have come through it as the Allfather had foreseen. Any number of factors may have affected the outcome, leaving them with only the knowledge of the terrible things that had been done in hopes of Loki's transformation.

"What if she dies?"

A haunted expression filled his eye and his hands trembled.

"I pray that Loki and Thor arrive in time."

That really didn't answer her question.

"And if they don't?"

"Then I may have doomed us all."

* * *

Teleporting the both of them was not easy, but Loki knew he would need help. Even if it was Thor's. His brother could make himself useful, warrior that he was, by subduing Danethar while he did whatever he could for Lilith. And subdue better be the _only_ thing his brother did. When this was over and he was sure Lilith was safe, Loki had very definite plans for Danethar. He would not tolerate Thor spoiling them, and he said as much when they appeared on the lawn just outside the house.

"When we find them- you take down Danethar while I see to Lilith. Just _restrain_ him, Brother. I want him alive- for now."

Thor was still a little woozy from the trip, but he threw Loki a quizzical look.

"Why alive?"

"Because killing him quickly is better than he deserves. Now come on."

They burst into the kitchen. A great pool of dark blood spread across the floor, filling Loki with panic. But when he stepped around the table to get a better look, he saw Berda lying still on the stone tiles. Her eyes stared blankly at the ceiling overhead as one hand lie outstretched towards the stairs. A knife was still lodged in the center of her chest. She was obviously dead, and Loki felt a twinge of regret for her fate. Berda had been kind to 'Ilsa' in her own, gruff way.

_There's nothing to be done for her- get to Lilith_.

Unmindful of the blood, he strode across the room and up the stairs to the main level. Silence greeted him at the top, only adding to his sense of dread. Lamps were burning low, giving off only dim light in the darkness of the night. If Danethar were here and if Lilith were still alive, they should hear _something_ of the struggle. Had they arrived too late? Loki refused to let that thought sink in, or he might give up right here. He forced himself to check the rooms for any sign of either Lilith or the warrior, beginning with the dining room. Nothing. The same for the conservatory. When the checked the garden, he heard Thor's shocked gasp.

"Gods of the Allfather- what has he done?"

"Nothing more than what he did last night," Loki replied after a quick glance around. "Come on, she's not out here."

"Last night?"

"Why do you think 'Ilsa' was so quick to find you this morning, Brother? I arrived to find he'd torn apart her garden- and…" he paused to keep his voice steady. "He'd hurt Lilith again. I had to end it."

Thor was about to reply when they pushed open the parlor door. Signs of a struggle screamed at him- from the broken furniture to the fireplace poker lying in the middle of the room…to the bloody handprints on the pale marble floor. Danethar must have found her in here when he arrived back from the audience.

_Why didn't you run, _he cried inwardly. _You had to have heard what he did to Berda in the kitchen. Why didn't you run?_

But for all that he did see, blatantly missing were signs of Lilith or Danethar. The battle began in here, but must have ended somewhere else. Loki had a sinking feeling he knew where to look now. After all this time, he was going to see the inside of Danethar's room. He pushed past Thor, whose eyes were riveted on the bloodstains.

"How can you be so calm when you see…"

"I am _not_ calm. But I've seen worse, Thor. And _the_ worst will be at the other end of this hallway."

As they hurried to the doors at the far end, Loki saw the trail of blood dying the runner in irregular splotches. The trail ended just where he expected- at Danethar's door. He took a deep breath and pushed it open.

"_NO!_" he screamed, knees buckling at the sight before them. "No," he repeated in a broken whimper. "Please, Lilith, no."

Lilith lie motionless on the bed, wrists lashed to the headboard with leather thongs. Blood trickled down her arms to the elbows as they cut into her skin. Loki's eyes moved unwillingly over the rest of her…over what Danethar had done. He saw the welts, cuts, broken bones. So many bruises. And finally, to the blood soaking into the mattress beneath her hips, confirming that Danethar had torn her apart on the inside, too. Looking at her, she could be nothing other than dead. No one could survive what she'd been through.

_I should have stayed in my prison cell. Better to have had no hope at all than to have it ripped away like this._ He grasped the doorframe to keep from falling to the floor. If he did, he might never get up again. Why should he- Lilith was gone. Tears blurred his vision, and Loki's shoulders trembled with the effort not to fall apart.

"Brother, she breathes," he heard Thor say. Loki raised his head, hardly daring to believe it.

"What?"

"Lilith- she still breathes. You could still do this, Loki, but you'd better damn well hurry."

Thor's sharp order spurred him to action. Loki rushed to the bed and undid the straps to relieve the stress on her shoulders and arms. For a few seconds, he cradled her in his arms sorrowfully. Lilith didn't make a sound or open her eyes. But his brother was right; she was breathing. Barely. He still had a chance.

"Lilith, hang on," he whispered in her ear. "Just this last time, I promise. I'll fix what he's done to you and I'll pay him back for it. For all of it. Please stay with me just a little while longer, okay?"

He doubted she heard him, and Loki hadn't expected her to. No time to wonder about that- he had a promise to keep. Ignoring the tight ball of fear that he would fail, he laid his hands on her skin and began to channel his power. Instantly, he knew that the damage was far worse than when he'd done this before. Not just Danethar's intention to kill her, but he'd also undone Maddie's healing from this morning. Those wounds had reopened, and Loki tried not to remember what he'd overheard her say to Lilith.

_My power is ten times what hers is. I'll succeed where she would have failed_, he told himself.

Even so, this healing would take everything he had to give. As he worked furiously to stop the bleeding and put Lilith back together, he felt his reserves dropping at a dangerous rate. Loki didn't care and kept channeling. Mend that bone; knit the muscles back together. He burned away at his power in his race against time. Once or twice, he felt a wave of dizziness overtake him, and Loki fought the need to rest.

"Brother, you do too much!" Thor warned him. "You must stop."

Loki shook his head and made no reply. If he stopped, he knew Lilith would slip away from him. If he could do just one thing right in his life, it'd be this. But the last of his power was draining away, and he worried that the little he had left wouldn't be enough. _It _has_ to be enough. _His vision around the edges grew fuzzy and dark. In minutes, he would likely pass out. Still, he kept going. Kept passing more through the connection. Loki sent everything he could, hoping that it would heal just one more thing.

_Just…one…more…_ He collapsed beside Lilith before finishing the thought.

* * *

"_LOKI!_" Thor cried out in alarm when his brother toppled over.

When he didn't answer, Thor immediately went to his side and tried to waken him. Loki didn't respond. What should he do? He could run to the palace for a healer, but then he'd be caught by Odin's guards. Even if he _could_ explain himself, by the time they got back here, it might be too late to help Loki- not to mention Lilith.

He glanced at her, doing his best to banish the ugly image of what he'd seen in this room in that first moment. And in the moments following. While Loki had been healing her, Thor had been afforded the unpleasant opportunity to explore the room itself. He'd blanched at the instruments and tools tossed haphazardly on a low table- some still spattered with blood. New and old. Everything about this room was foul. A warning of all that was diseased and wrong with Danethar. Thor agreed at once with his brother; a quick death would be too kind for the likes of a monster like him.

Those thoughts still lie at the back of his mind. Right now, he studied Lilith to assess her condition. From the look of it, she was breathing a little easier- though not as steadily as he would have hoped- but the worst of the injuries had disappeared. Would she live? Thor wasn't certain, nor had he come up with a plan yet.

"Mercy of the gods," he heard his mother exclaim from the door.

Thor snapped his head around in time to see her- and Odin- enter the room. He stood up and took a defensive position in front of Lilith and his brother.

"Stay back," he warned them. "Stay back or I swear I will do my best to call the lightning down on you, Allfather."

Both of them stopped immediately. He knew that threatening Odin was next to useless, given that Thor's powers couldn't match his, much less best them. He meant it, though. Futile or not, he would do his damnedest anyway.

"Thor, please listen," his mother began.

"If you're here to defend him, Mother, I won't hear it."

"We're here to help," she insisted.

"We don't need _your_ help."

Behind him, Lilith and Loki were both breathing unsteadily, belying his words. He might not want any help from them, but he couldn't deny that he was in need of help from _someone_. A low moan from Loki diverted his attention for a second. He did not look at all well. Frigga and Odin were immediately alarmed.

"Where's your brother," she asked frantically. "What's happened?"

"My son," Odin added in an equally worried tone. "I know you helped Loki to escape. I always intended you would. Please tell me- were you in time?"

He was confused. So very confused. But since he saw the palace healers and Maddie hovering in the doorway behind them, he decided to ask for explanations later. Just now, he'd risk that they'd come here to help as his mother had claimed.

"I don't know," he admitted as he stepped aside to allow them to see Loki and Lilith.

"Loki- my son!" Frigga exclaimed. "What have you done?"

"He gave everything to save her, Mother. I tried to tell him to stop, but he wouldn't. And I don't even know if he actually managed to do it."

With a quick motion from Odin, the healers rushed into the room and surrounded the bed. Maddie and Julia saw to Lilith while Berath looked over his brother. Everyone waited in tense silence as they did whatever healers do in a situation like this. Maddie looked up first, a dour expression on her face. Thor prepared himself for the worst news.

"She'll survive this, your Majesties. It was close- still is in some ways- but the Prince was able to fix the worst before her injuries killed her."

"And what of my son," Odin asked- this time to Berath.

"Overextended himself," the healer muttered in disapproval. "Very dangerous. If he hadn't passed out when he did to break the channeling link, he could have died. I'd say he's very lucky. Very stupid, but very lucky."

"If we get them back to the palace infirmary, they should both recover. Carefully, mind you. Both of them are clinging to this world by a thread. The slightest misstep and we'll lose them."

"Rest assured, Maddie- they will be cared for."

Through the doorway hustled several warriors, carrying stretchers. Thor caught sight of Timar and even Sif among them. That eased his worry somewhat about his father's intentions, though not entirely. Maddie and Julia gently wrapped Lilith in light robes and helped get her onto one of them. Thor helped Berath with Loki, though he was still quite confused.

"Mother, I don't understand."

"Tomorrow, my son," Odin promised him. "You will have your answers tomorrow."

"But…you meant what you said, right?" He needed to know that at least. "Lilith and Loki- about the infirmary. It's not a trick?"

"They will be fine, though I understand your reluctance to believe me. I give you my word, Thor Odinson. I do not intend to see your brother or Lilith die."

He weighed his father's words carefully, and responded in a tone just as grave.

"I shall hold you to your promise, Allfather."

"I understand. Now come. Let us leave this place and go home. All of us."

Still wary, Thor nodded. He kept a close eye on the two stretchers and their bearers, never letting them out of his sight. Not even once they arrived in the infirmary. He would remain here tonight to ensure the Allfather's promise was kept. And as he glanced down on Loki's unconscious and terribly pale face, Thor admitted he stayed to show support for his brother. For the first time in a long time, he felt they'd truly been on the same side. Even if Loki couldn't know it, he'd be here for him.

* * *

The words echoed in my ear. _Lilith, hang on. Please stay with me._ They called me back when I'd been on the edge of letting go. I didn't recognize the voice, but I felt I knew its owner somehow. _Lilith, hang on. Please stay with me._ Again and again. I wanted to ignore them. Death beckoned and I longed for it to take me at last- to be free of Danethar and the pain that never truly went away. But the words wrapped around me like a golden silken ribbon, preventing my escape.

At the edge of awareness, I felt power flow into my damaged body. It surged through me like water, yet burned like flame. Funny, I would have thought that feeling should be excruciating, but it wasn't. It hurt, of course. But healing pain never quite felt as terrible as the wound itself.

_Healing? _I thought absently. _But who? Why?_ It wouldn't work. Danethar had gone too far this time. No healer had enough power to fix what he'd broken. Futile to try. So who was wasting time trying?

_Lilith, hold on. Please stay with me._ The words echoed around me again. Who did the voice belong to?

Time passed. Passed in that strange way it does for those straddling the line of life and death. Both fast and slow, or not at all. I wavered in and out as the fires of that healing power burned on. Then as suddenly as it began, all that frenzied energy ceased. In the empty void left behind, I heard only the words.

_Lilith, hold on, _the voice begged desperately. _Please stay with me._

Before I faded from my quasi-conscious state, I smiled ruefully.

_All right._


	22. Chapter 21: The Long Road to Jotunheim

"Thing!" Loki shouted aloud as he jerked awake.

At first, he was thoroughly disoriented. Bright daylight instead of night; large sterile space instead of Danethar's bedroom. Infirmary. The palace. Lilith. He turned his head frantically left and right, as if expecting to see her next to him. She wasn't. Loki was instantly alarmed, and sat up violently in bed. A hand on his shoulder kept him from getting much further.

"Hold, Brother. You should take it easy."

"Where is she," he demanded. "Did Lilith…"

"She's fine," Thor finished when Loki's voice faltered. "Still asleep and probably will be for a few days yet. When you're a little steadier, I'll take you to her."

Lilith was alive. His eyes closed and he bowed his head, hardly daring to believe he'd really done it. When he'd lost consciousness, Loki's greatest fear was that the healing was too little too late. After all, he'd failed her in just about everything else he'd done. But by some miracle of fate, she'd been given a second chance. Or maybe he had. Perhaps both? It didn't matter; Lilith was alive.

_She's never going to forgive me, though._

His brain just couldn't let him be happy for a single moment. Couldn't let him savor the joy and relief that he'd done the right thing for once in his life. No, it had to remind him that he'd been the reason she'd been in peril in the first place. And as he just pointed out to himself, once she knew the truth of that, she would never forgive him. He'd saved her, but not for himself. No, that future would never be. From relief to despair, just that quickly.

"Brother- what's wrong? I told you, Lilith is okay."

"It's nothing," Loki answered quickly, burying the unpleasant feelings under a sharp smile. "I'm fine."

"You're usually a better liar," his brother commented after studying him for a few seconds.

"Everyone has an off day. And given that I was probably out cold all night…"

"And two days," Thor interrupted him.

"What?"

"It's been two days since the night at Danethar's."

Loki couldn't help being skeptical, and wondered if Thor was trying to get one over on him. Maybe he thought he stood a chance, since Loki's mind was still a little scrambled. He didn't find the jet all that funny. But the longer he stared at his brother, the more he realized that Thor was serious. No trace of deception whatsoever. Loki had to concede that he may be telling the truth.

"Really- two days?"

"Loki, you almost _killed_ yourself. Berath says if you'd channeled a few seconds longer, you might have."

He should have felt surprised hearing that. Shouldn't he? Loki found he wasn't. That night, he'd been willing to give anything if it meant Lilith might survive- including his own life. He supposed he was lucky that it hadn't come to that. But again, his mind couldn't focus on the positive, reminding him that he still had to face the consequences of disobeying the Allfather. He may have been spared death, but returning to his prison cell wasn't going to be much better. Loki was certain it was only a matter of time before that happened. Now that he was awake, the Allfather would want him far from Lilith. Or rather, the gates he was so worried about. Might as well find out when that would be.

"But as I _didn't_ die- how long before my temporary freedom from the dungeons is rescinded? In truth, it's surprising that the Allfather didn't have me treated from there, unless the healers just didn't want to trek down the stairs every day."

A strange look passed over Thor's face. Loki wasn't sure how to read it. Was it worse than he thought? As punishment for his escape, Odin might actually order an execution instead of imprisonment. He might just have to die for Lilith after all. Finally, his brother spoke.

"You're not going back."

_I was right, then. An execution. But I'll die willingly,_ he conceded with a rueful smile, _if it means she'll get to live._

"When's my last day, then," he asked as casually as he could.

"Last day?"

"Well, if I'm not going back to my cell, there's only one punishment left. So when am I to die?"

Comprehension dawned at last and Thor quickly shook his head.

"You misunderstand me. There will be no punishment. For either of us."

A moment, then two, passed as Loki tried to puzzle out his brother's words. He couldn't.

"That makes no sense."

"It's complicated, but in simple terms, the Allfather intentionally let me free you from the dungeons so you could rescue Lilith. He never meant for her to die."

That explanation made even _less _sense. If he hadn't wanted her to die, why had Odin gone through the trouble of having Loki imprisoned in the first place? Why had he sent Danethar back to that house to destroy her? He couldn't think of what possible goal the Allfather had in torturing them all that way- for seemingly _nothing_.

"But why…"

"I told you- it's complicated."

"I don't care if it's complicated or not- if you know something, Thor, you'd better tell me."

"Look, I do know, but I'm not sure I'm the right person to be telling you this…"

"Well you're going to," Loki finished for him. "Because I want answers, and I want them now."

"Fine," Thor said with a frustrated sigh. "But don't kill the messenger, okay? I'm just telling you what father told me yesterday."

Loki made no promise, not in the mood to lie. His brother sighed again.

"Everything that's happened to Lilith was done with a purpose."

"Yeah, this I heard already," Loki cut in, tone biting. "I don't need to be reminded that he did it to keep me away from her."

Thor paused before answering. "That's not entirely accurate."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning everything he said that night was part of a much bigger plan."

"Thor, I don't yet know how much of my strength I have back, but if you don't get to the point soon, we're both going to find out. I guarantee you won't enjoy it."

"All right, all right. He was using her to change you, Brother. To make you see the world differently and give you a chance to care about something other than power and ruling Asgard- or Midgard. That's been his plan since the day she first came to his attention. And given what I've seen of you lately, it succeeded."

As Thor's words struck him, Loki realized that the situation was worse than he'd thought. Bad enough for Lilith to suffer all that because she had a power the Allfather didn't want him to have. But a debt of this magnitude…he'd never be able to pay it back. Right away, he wanted to deny everything, but he knew it would be a lie. Over the last few weeks, Lilith _had_ changed him just as Thor said. The man who'd first walked into Danethar's house was dead, replaced by whoever he was now. He still hadn't quite figured out _who_ he was yet, but he was not _that_ man anymore. Knowing Lilith had done that, no question.

_What if you'd been wrong, Odin?_ That horrifying thought struck him immediately. _What if I hadn't changed and she suffered for nothing? Could you have lived with that possibility? _Loki didn't want to think what might have happened to her if the Allfather had miscalculated how he would react. Couldn't think of it, or he might become ill. So to distract himself, Loki focused on something else that bothered him. Something that rested on Odin's shoulders instead of his own.

"She could have just as easily done it from the palace," he protested angrily. "He didn't have to send her to _that_ monster."

"Apparently, he did. He said it himself the night of Danethar's hearing. Did you notice her at all when she was here? Did any of us? We didn't, and you certainly wouldn't have. So father gave you a reason to notice her."

"Fine, so it worked. And if it knew he had, what about that hearing? He had no reason to take it that far."

_Wasn't there_, his mind asked as an afterthought. _If he'd put an end to Danethar that evening, would I have ever accepted the truth?_ He wondered if the Allfather had asked the same question. And because Loki couldn't answer that question with certainty either way, he couldn't completely condemn Odin for thinking he wouldn't.

"I think you already know why he thought he needed to do it."

"Yeah," he admitted reluctantly. "I do."

Thor studied Loki carefully, hoping to get some sense of how he was taking the news. With his brother, it could go any of several unpleasant directions. Not that he would blame him for it. If Odin had tortured a woman he cared for like he'd tortured Lilith, and Thor found out it was done for _his_ sake…he wasn't sure he'd react well, either.

"Loki, are you all right?" he asked after several minutes of watching his brother stare across the room.

"Would you be?"

"No."

"Then don't ask stupid questions. Of course I'm not." Loki suddenly erupted into a frenzy of mirthless laughter. "The irony of it- I'm upset because he had Lilith tortured for my sake. But I'm only _capable_ of being upset _because_ she was tortured."

The laughter dissolved into sobs, and Loki doubled over to cradle his head in both hands. Berath looked at them questioningly from across the room, but Thor shook his head. They certainly didn't need the healer interfering right now when his brother was so unstable. Besides, Berath couldn't fix what was wrong, anyway. Neither could Thor, really. He suspected the only one who could- aside from Loki himself- was Lilith. Still, it didn't do either of them any good for Loki to dwell on what was done. Thor thought he knew a way to shift his brother's mood.

"Then I guess you'd better prove to her that it was worth it, won't you?"

It worked. Possibly better than he'd been aiming for, as Loki shot him a dark glare.

"Do you really think Lilith will ever believe that anything was worth what was done to her?"

"I think she will once it's explained to her. Maybe not right away, but when the memories of Danethar fade a little, she'll…"

"Trust me- time will not erase what that animal did to her. She'll still hate us, Thor. She'll hate the Allfather for having come up with the plan, and she'll hate you and mother for not having stopped him. And she'll hate me…" his voice trailed off without finishing that last thought.

No amount of arguing was going to change Loki's mind right now, so Thor didn't even try. Instead, he tried something else to pull his brother away from those thoughts.

"Do you want to see her?"

"Now?" Apprehension flashed across his brother's face.

"If you feel well enough to get out of bed. Don't worry- Maddie says she'll sleep a while yet, so she won't even know we're there."

Loki didn't answer, but he threw back the blanket and got to his feet. He stuffed them into the soft-soled shoes beside the nightstand and shrugged into clothes that had been draped over a nearby chair. Still silent, he motioned for Thor to lead the way. So they wound through the rows of beds in the infirmary to the back of the room. Rather than put her out here, Maddie and Julia had insisted upon treating Lilith in one of the private rooms. Thor knocked softly on the one furthest to the left and waited for someone to answer. Maddie opened it seconds later, raising an eyebrow at him in silent inquiry. Thor pointed to Loki behind him.

"He's awake and wanted to see her."

"All right," the healer agreed with a nod. "But only for a little while."

She moved aside to admit them into the room. Thor had been here once already, so he knew what to expect; Loki was far more nervous. He sided around the bed almost as if he was afraid to look at Lilith. Understandable. Both of them remembered very clearly how she'd looked the last time Loki saw her. Thor at least had the benefit of the past few days to let that memory recede and adjust to signs of her recovery. But for his brother, that night might as well have been minutes ago.

Lilith lay peacefully asleep in the bed centered in the room, just as she had the past few days. She'd been kept that way since Odin had them all brought to the palace. The cuts on her wrists were gone, as were the bruises and other minor injuries Loki hadn't been able to fix. Between Maddie and Berath, they'd been taken care of those easily. From what Thor understood of Lilith's condition, she was mostly healed- if not completely. They were keeping her asleep to give the bones and tissues time to catch up with the magic that was holding her together. A precaution, lest she awaken violently and rip herself apart by accident.

"You held on, Lilith," his brother whispered as he stared down at her. "I don't know why or how you managed to do it, but I'm glad you did." He paused. "We'll see if you feel the same way when you wake up."

He said nothing else for some time, content to watch over Lilith. To Thor, he looked both relieved and guilty. Seeing her alive and well hadn't done as much to distract his melancholy thoughts as he'd hoped. He turned to Maddie, who'd been standing next to him since they entered the room.

"How is she doing?"

"Better. I think in a few days it'll be safe to wake her up again It's lucky for her your brother was so skilled at healing or we would be much further behind- if Lilith survived at all. Likely she wouldn't have."

"If not for me, she wouldn't have needed a healer at all," Loki muttered, still not taking his eyes away from Lilith.

"Don't mind him," Thor told Maddie when he saw her surprised expression. "He's taking the news about the Allfather's plan a little hard. I thought seeing her would help snap him out of it, but seem to be wrong."

"I can't say I blame him. But I would point out that Danethar is the one truly responsible for this, no matter any plan that set it in motion. He certainly hadn't needed any reason to do this to her- or any of the other women I've treated. So I'd keep that in mind."

"Speaking of that wretch…has he been found? I'd better not hear that he's been executed already. I had plans for him."

Maddie shivered at the malevolence in Loki's voice as he spoke of Danethar. Who wouldn't? Even Thor didn't want to know exactly what his brother intended to do to the warrior. Although, if anyone could ensure Danethar paid back what debt he owed for Lilith, Loki could. Good news then, that he would still get that chance; bad news that now Thor had to tell him that the warrior had gotten away.

"He fled the city, we think. Not even Eckert and Willem know where he went."

"And what about Asgard's Watchman? What does Heimdall know of his whereabouts?"

"I was going to the Bifrost today to ask him."

"You mean _we _were going to ask him, Brother."

"Are you sure that's wise? A half-hour ago, you weren't even conscious." Thor turned back to Maddie for help. "You're a healer- tell him that he should take it easy and rest."

He would get no help from that quarter. The woman took one swift appraisal of Loki and immediately shook her head.

"The Prince is well enough, and I very much doubt sitting here in the infirmary is going to do much good for him."

Which meant he was now stuck. The Allfather was not going to want Loki anywhere near the Bifrost no matter the reason. But given the mood riding his brother at the moment, Thor didn't want to be the one to tell him he couldn't go, either. So he hoped he made a decision he wouldn't regret later.

"Have it your way, Brother. But so help you if anything goes awry while we're there."

"Don't worry," Loki answered in a low voice. "Nothing will."

I wondered where I was, casting a curious look around me. Grey mist, and nothing more. It was so dense that I couldn't see my feet- or my hands. The bands of varying shades drifted around me, cool against my skin. Far above- or was it only a few feet?- I could hear murmuring voices. They carried less substance than the ever present mist.

_I am not awake_, I realized by degrees. _And yet, not quite asleep, either. Some sort of limbo in between._

The sensation was mildly unpleasant, but waking up didn't seem to work. The harder I tried, the denser the mist became; the voices grew fainter. So I gave up, and took stock of my condition, instead. The pain was gone, for starters. Since the last moment I could recall any awareness of self, every injury I'd sustained during Danethar's attack had been healed. The body would live…if I could figure out how to get out of this place.

_And I still have no idea who did it. Certainly not Maddie or Berath. As skilled as they are, I know they wouldn't have the reserves of power needed to heal that much all at once._

I might have suspected Ilsa; she'd done it once before, hadn't she? But the voice…I'd heard that strange yet familiar voice during the healing. It hadn't been hers; that much I knew. So who was this mysterious healer? I closed my eyes and recalled the plea once more.

_Lilith, hold on. Please stay with me._

So much hope and fear in those seven words. They'd been impossible to ignore, like a siren's song. Of course, now I had no idea what to do, or how to find out who had coaxed me away from my final escape. But as I pondered on it, the voices overhead grew clearer. Not enough to really recognize them or anything. Then a breeze caught the words and pulled some of them down to me.

_You held on, Lilith. I'm glad you did._

The same voice. The fear was gone this time, but I almost thought I heard sadness buried under that thinly stretched tone of relief. Sadness for what? I felt as though I'd only heard a part of the message.

_Damn this mist_, I cursed inwardly. _I will be so glad to be out of here and back to the waking world where I can get an explanation from…well, whoever that is._

Heimdall was getting impatient waiting for answers. He hadn't seen or spoken to the Allfather- or anyone else other than Sif- since the day he'd been summoned to the palace. What a terrible day that had been. He didn't have the heart to witness what Danethar had done to Lilith after the hearing, fully expecting that the warrior would kill her at last. How the Allfather could allow it was something he couldn't understand, much less forgive. Not even after Sif told him that Lilith had survived, thanks to the daring rescue by Thor and Loki.

The God of Mischief had surprised him in the end, risking everything for her sake. Sif had told him about his argument with the Allfather that got him imprisoned in the dungeons, and that when she saw him with Thor in Danethar's house, Loki was nearly dead. The healing, she'd told him. Something about having put too much of his power into it. And then she'd whispered of rumors that he'd done all of it because he loved Lilith, though she couldn't confirm that either way. Heimdall didn't let on that he already knew about the god's feelings. But wasn't it interesting to hear that the secret was out?

"Heimdall, may we have a moment," called a voice from the edge of the Bifrost. Sounded like Thor's, unless he was mistaken.

He stuck his head out the arched doorway and was surprised to see not only Thor, but Loki as well. Had the Allfather sanctioned this visit? Heimdall suspected not. He hesitated to allow them on the Bifrost, and crossed his arms over his chest. Letting Loki into his domain while in disguise was one thing; in his true form, quite another.

"What of him," Heimdall asked, nodding towards the God of Mischief. "You ask me to take a serious risk, Thor Odinson."

"I will accept all responsibility if he tries to escape, but I doubt you have much to worry about on that score."

Heimdall studied the thunderous anger looming in Loki's eyes. Yeah, he suspected escape was the least of what he should fear there.

"Then I will allow you to approach."

The princes lost no time in taking him up on his offer, Loki especially. He could hardly move out of the way before they were trying to enter his watch post. Whatever brought them here, they were certainly in a hurry. Might as well find out what it was.

"So….what brings you to the Bifrost?"

"Danethar," Loki growled menacingly. "We want to know his current location."

"That is," Thor amended with a glance at his brother. "If you knew where he is."

He didn't, actually. Since he'd avoided watching anything to do with the warrior that evening, he hadn't seen when Danethar left, or where he'd gone. Over the past few days, he hadn't tried to find out, either. The Allfather had let him go once, so Heimdall just figured nothing would come of keeping track this time. But then, he hadn't factored on a visit from Thor or Loki when he'd made that decision. In hindsight, not the wisest one he'd made. Heimdall sighed regretfully.

"I didn't see where or when he slipped out of the city," he admitted.

"Can you look for him now? It's important."

"Important you say. How might that be? It's been days since the Allfather let that brute beat Lilith to death and no one's seen fit to tell me anything of what's going on. Now you come here demanding to know where the warrior went without any explanation."

Thor exchanged a questioning look with Loki, who shook his head. The Thunder god made a sweeping gesture at his brother, but Loki only shook his head again. Thor's expression was decidedly disgruntled.

"Well, we have to tell him _something_, Brother. So I leave it up to you to decide what that is."

Heimdall wondered what _that _was about. The God of Mischief's anger had abated somewhat, and he looked almost…embarrassed. Something about what happened with Lilith and Danethar made Loki uncomfortable. Heimdall suspected he knew what it might be, but kept his mouth shut. Even embarrassed, the god was not one he wanted to antagonize right now. Loki rubbed his hands together absently and shrugged.

"It's a long story, and perhaps some day I'll come back to the Bifrost to tell it, Watchman. We'll play our old game again and you'll have your answers," he said with a wry smile. "But right now, we have time only for the short version."

"Which is?"

"I can't execute a man I can't find," he stated bluntly. "And I think you'd agree it's long overdue."

Heimdall studied him dubiously for several minutes before turning to Thor.

"Is he serious?"

"Dead serious, Heimdall. This time, Danethar is going to be held accountable for his crimes."

"And the Allfather knows what you plan to do?"

"Yes."

"I'm guessing the reason none of this makes sense has to do with that long story you can't tell me right now?"

"Yes, it does," Thor answered, while Loki merely tilted his head slightly as if confused by his question.

"Does it really matter _why_, so long as Danethar suffers for what he's done?"

It should, but Heimdall answered honestly.

"No."

The God of Mischief's smile turned calculating.

"I knew you'd see it my way, Watchman. So what say you do your part so I can do mine?"

Heimdall thought it wisest not to answer, or find out just what part Loki intended to play after Danethar was found. That would be Thor and Odin's problem to worry about. So he concentrated on locating Danethar. His sharp eye combed Asgard, beginning first with the city and the lands around it. As he expected, no sign of the warrior. If he'd had any inkling that Odin would come after him over Lilith, Danethar would have fled far from here by now. Heimdall widened his search beyond this world and into the others. Midgard he discounted immediately; he would have needed to cross the Bifrost to get there, and Heimdall would have made sure he never made it. At last, he found the man.

_Oh this bodes ill for everyone_, he thought dismally. _I doubt the Allfather is going to let Loki go_ there_, even if Thor goes with him._ Something of his discovery must have shown on his face. Both princes were staring at him expectantly.

"Well?"

"He's left Asgard."

"Obviously?" Thor prompted. "And he went where?"

"Jotunheim."

"What in the…how in the name of the Allfather could he have gotten there so quickly? Begging your pardon, Heimdall- but are you sure?"

"I saw an Asgardian warrior skulking around Utgard- it could be no other than Danethar."

"That will pose a problem," Thor said with a frown.

"I don't see why," Loki contradicted him. "We get him and bring him back. End of story."

"Father's not going to let you into Jotunheim- not even for this, Loki."

"We'll just see about that," the god muttered under his breath as he turned to leave.

"Where are you going?"

"To tell Odin that I'm going to fetch that mongrel no matter where he's hiding."

He was gone before Thor could answer or try to stop him. Heimdall could only stare, utterly confounded. Loki was always known for being unpredictable. Not to mention determined. But this…he had no idea how to make sense of his reaction.

"What just happened?"

"You've just met the new Loki," Thor told him. "These past few weeks around Lilith have changed him. From what I can see, it's for the better, but I confess that I haven't yet gotten used to it. Don't expect to for a while, either."

As they both stared at the empty archway, Heimdall ventured to ask a question.

"Do you trust it to last?"

"For all our sakes- especially his- I hope so."

Frigga sat across from Odin, wondering if she ought to check on Loki again. She knew Thor was with him now, but her worry was no less for it. Two days her son had lain in that bed without any sign he'd awaken. Berath had assured her that he was in no danger; Frigga hoped he was right, and sighed softly. Odin looked up from the book he was reading.

"Something the matter, my Queen?"

"Same as usual. I'm worried about our son."

"Have faith in the healers, love. They know what they're doing."

"I know, but I worry anyway."

Her husband was about to answer when the doors were thrown open. Frigga's eyes swiveled towards the unexpected sound, and she gasped in shock to see Loki charging in with a determined look on his face. Behind him, Thor was desperately trying to close the distance between them.

"Brother, wait- damn you and your insufferable temper. It won't kill you to wait a damn minute for me to catch up."

Loki ignored him, eyes never shifting away from Odin. Oh the fury in those eyes. She was glad to see him awake, but dreaded to find out why he was so angry. If she had to guess, Frigga expected it had to do with what had happened to Lilith. Even if Thor had managed to explain it to him before they got here, Loki would likely not see Odin in the most favorable light. She braced herself for the storm and hoped it wouldn't be too bad.

"My son," Odin began somewhat cautiously after Loki and Thor had come to a stop before him. "I am glad to see you have recovered. Your mother and I have been most concerned these past few days."

"I'll bet you were," Loki replied venomously. "But I have no time to address any of _that_ right now. Not when that bastard Danethar is enjoying his undeserved freedom."

"The whereabouts of the warrior are as yet unknown, but rest assured, Loki, he will be found and suitably punished."

"He's in Utgard," Loki fired back at Odin's attempt to pacify him.

"Utgard!" Frigga exclaimed. "But how…?"

"Heimdall told us," Thor answered her unfinished question. "I'm guessing Danethar must have kept running from the moment he believe Lilith was dead."

"You were at the Bifrost- both of you?" Odin's eyes were on Loki.

"I have no interest in Midgard," he replied flatly. "And you of all should know that by now. I had one goal in seeking out Heimdall: To find Danethar."

"And now that you have?"

"Bring him back to Asgard and give him everything he's due for Lilith."

Frigga exchanged a nervous glance with Odin, almost hoping he wouldn't ask their son what that meant. Of course, she knew he would.

"What might that be?"

"Why don't we worry about that after I've caught the miscreant," Loki countered with a terrifyingly subtle smile. "Don't worry, I'll be thorough in explaining what I intend should you be interested to hear the details."

Frigga did not. Whatever punishment her son had devised for Danethar, she did not want to know about it. And judging from Thor's face, he felt much the same. Even Odin looked uncertain. They'd all wanted this- wanted to see the day when Loki cared for something more than power- but weren't quite prepared for what that meant. Knowing Lilith may have changed the direction of his focus, but he was still Loki. Still capable of the terrifying malevolence that he'd previously used against Asgard.

"You are not to do anything to Danethar until we have spoken," the Allfather ordered at last. "I expect this command to be obeyed. By both of you."

"As you wish."

"Good. Now, as for bringing him from Utgard…"

"I'm going," Loki interrupted him firmly. "You may try to stop me, but I will not be deterred."

"Are you trying to get thrown back in your cell," Thor remarked irritably. "Why don't you just _see _what father has to say before throwing out a challenge like that?"

"Because I know what's coming. He'll just say it's too risky to send me into Jotunheim and that I'll never come back and will try to start another war with Asgard."

"He may not."

Loki rounded on his brother quickly.

"You can't be so naïve as to think everyone's opinion of me has changed because of what I did for Lilith. You think that wipes out everything I've ever done? It doesn't."

The two continued to bicker back and forth, oblivious to either Frigga or Odin. When she looked at her husband, his expression was serene, if not a little bemused. He turned to her and waved his hand at Loki.

"You see, my Queen- exactly as I thought," he whispered to her alone. "Lilith wrought more of a change in him over the past few weeks than I'd ever hoped for."

"You're not thinking of letting him go to Jotunheim, though- are you?"

"He will accompany Thor. I don't think Danethar will be easily captured without his assistance. My only worry is that the warrior won't live long enough to see Asgard. Loki's hatred burns strong against him."

"You think he'll disobey?"

"Not on purpose. But the journey back may be more of a test than he can withstand. I can only trust that Thor will be able to contain him."

The argument between Thor and Loki had escalated, their voices raised loudly as they faced off against one another. Frigga thought maybe the far more realistic concern should be whether the two of them could survive the journey to Jotunheim and back, regardless of what happened with Danethar. Their relationship had never been overly cordial, and such an undertaking might be the undoing of their recent alliance. But Odin seemed not to be concerned about that. He cleared his throat and once again commanded everyone's attention.

"As I was saying," he continued as if he hadn't been interrupted. "I expect you to be extremely cautious in your pursuit of Danethar- especially in Utgard. The peace between Jotunheim and Asgard is weak at the moment, and I do not want either of you causing it to break."

"See," Thor announced smugly. "Told you."

Before Loki could unleash another round of arguments against his brother, Odin silenced them. "Now go, before I change my mind."

It worked. Loki's eyes promised that Thor would pay for that last remark, but he would wait until they were on their way to Utgard. With a polite bow, he made as if to leave right away. Frigga couldn't let him. At least not before she'd been assured that he was okay.

"My son," she spoke up, causing Loki to pause mid-step. "Please…if I could just ask…"

The anger in his eyes softened a little. "What is it, Mother?"

"Are you well? Truly?"

"My health is fine, Mother. I promise."

"Be sure it stays that way," she told him fiercely. "I don't need another scare like that any time soon."

A smile this time. A genuine one. And then it was gone again, taking Loki with it. His stride was purposeful as he left the room. Thor sighed heavily.

"I suppose if I want to keep an eye on him, I'd better catch up," he muttered.

"A moment, Thor," Odin called to him. At length, he ventured to ask his question. "How is he really?"

"Upset about a lot of things," Thor replied honestly. "But half of it he's not going to admit to if asked. The other half…" he shrugged. "As he said, that's something to deal with when we're back from Jotunheim, father. I think it'll be better after Danethar's dealt with and Lilith awakens."

"Let's hope so. Anything else?"

"He's worried Lilith won't forgive him."

"Only time will tell, Thor. Hopefully, Loki won't dwell on it too much."

Frigga could say the same for herself, as could Odin. They were _all_ worried how she would react when the healers woke her from her healing sleep. Lilith had good cause to hate them, and Frigga wouldn't blame the woman if she never forgave any of them. If she had one wish, though, she hoped Lilith would at least look favorably on Loki, even if she loathed everyone else. He'd never asked Odin to do this to her on his behalf. And probably most important in Frigga's eyes- he would need her support. His transformation may not withstand the burden of a lifetime of Lilith's hatred. But as Odin said…only time would tell. Frigga would have to pray and wait.

"So do you have the faintest idea where to begin this trip? We can't just waltz into Skrýmir's city uninvited."

Actually, they could. Or at least he knew he could; Thor, not so much. Still, he was hardly in the mood to dignify his brother's question with an answer. Especially after that smartass comment he'd made in front of Odin and Frigga. He'd thought he was so clever to have been right about the Allfather's decision. He'd gotten lucky, that's all. In any case, Loki didn't even slow his pace, or acknowledge that Thor had spoken. That must have annoyed his brother enough to speak up again.

"Loki- I'm serious. Utgard is not a place one goes to without some kind of plan ahead of time."

This time, he did glance at the warrior and did his best not to sound as irritated as he felt.

"I'm well aware of that, Brother. But we've got all of Asgard to get through first. One thing at a time."

"Well, we're definitely not walking the whole way."

"Certainly not."

"And no teleporting. Once was enough to last me."

In truth, he wasn't sure he was strong enough yet to attempt such a thing. And definitely not at that distance. The Ifing was a fair ways from the city. And while he was eager to get started with Danethar, Loki wasn't willing to risk draining his power just to save a few hours' journey. Horses would get them there fast enough, so he changed course accordingly.

"Where are you going?"

"I would think it obvious- the stables. Unless you had a better idea how to get us to the border."

Thor shook his head. "Nope."

"Well then, I guess we'd better get moving."

They arrived in the stable yard to find most of the grooms busy. The fine weather made it a perfect day for the Asgardians to go out riding. Loki waited as patiently as he could for someone to notice his presence. Even his brother began to grow restless after a while. But they were spotted…eventually. A junior groom saw them first, and found someone higher up the ladder to help. Some groveling sycophant that appeared all too enthusiastic to say he'd taken care of Loki and Thor _personally_.

"Prince Odinson and Prince Laufeyson, we are honored by your presence. How may I be of assistance to you this afternoon?"

_How about by offering your silence_, he suggested inwardly. _As a start, anyway. If you annoy me much more, I'll think of something more fitting._ But since he was all too tempted to say those thoughts aloud, Loki glanced meaningfully at Thor to state what they'd come for.

"My brother and I need to ride to the border with Jotunheim this afternoon, so we're in need of two horses. Preferably ones that are well rested and are fleet of foot."

"So far? Well," the man pursed his lips in a ridiculous frown. "I _think_ I may be able to find what you're looking for. It won't be easy, but of course I wouldn't dream of giving you anything less than perfect."

With that, he scurried away, and Loki rolled his eyes.

"Won't be easy my ass. Just about any horse here would fit what we need. He's just making a show of it."

"Are you surprised?"

"I suppose I shouldn't be," he muttered with a faint sigh.

Thor was puzzled.

"You sound disappointed, Brother. You always enjoyed this sort of thing."

He was right. Months ago, he would have found the groom's obsequious behavior gratifying- befitting someone of his social rank. Thanks to his time with Lilith, all it did was irritate him. Yet another thing he hadn't noticed was changing while it happened, but was strikingly obvious to him now. Loki wanted to be upset that he kept discovering new things she'd changed about him…but he wasn't.

"Well, now I find it nauseating."

"Hope you can keep your gorge down, because it looks like he's back to fawn over us again."

"I'll manage," Loki replied drily as the groom returned as Thor predicted. He hoped the man found the horses so they could get out of here.

"How lucky, I was able to find two horses that will suit you both for your errand. They are being saddled presently and will be along as soon as my grooms are finished. In the meantime, is there anything else I can get for either of you princes?"

"Nothing, thank you."

They stood in awkward silence, as the man seemed reluctant to leave them again.

"Don't let us keep you," Thor said. "I'm sure you have other duties to see to, and we will be fine until the horses arrive."

"I wouldn't dream of leaving before you're taken care of, my Prince," the groom assured them, as if they couldn't survive one minute without him.

_It was worth a try, Brother. But I guess we're stuck with this moron for a while longer._

The minutes crawled by until at last, they heard the sound of hooves approaching. Around the aisle appeared two younger grooms, leading the promised horses. To Loki's eye, they looked as annoyed by all the ceremony as he felt. Hopefully, that meant they would be ready for the long ride to Jotunheim. Without a word, Thor strode forward to take the reins of the bay stallion on the right, leaving the coal black for him. Loki mounted as his brother did the same. But before they could leave, Thor had patience enough to thank the groom. Good for him; Loki certainly hadn't intended to. Once mounted, his brother turned to him.

"Ready?"

"You have no idea."

They rode out of Asgard as quickly as they could, considering the crowds of people out on the streets. Only when open country lay before them were Loki and Thor able to let the horses have their head. The horses raced over the rolling hills as if they had wings instead of legs. The wind and the sun- they soothed the ragged edges of his temper that had been plaguing him since he'd awoken. It was by no means gone, but his mood was vastly improved. Loki couldn't remember the last time he'd felt freedom like this. Years…likely longer. Maybe once he'd dealt with Danethar, he would take some time to truly enjoy a ride like this.

_I wonder if Lilith would come with me._ Of course, he knew he had a long way to go before _that_ would be possible. Hell, she didn't even know him. At least not as anyone other than 'Ilsa'. Loki would be starting all over again. _If she'll let me, anyway. The second anyone tells her about the Allfather's plan, Lilith won't want anything to do with me- not even as 'Ilsa'._

He'd have to think of something. Maybe if she got to know him as the man she'd helped him become, then he might stand a chance she wouldn't shut him out once he told her the truth. A foolish hope, but it was the only one he had. So when he and Thor got back to the palace, Loki would have to convince everyone to keep quiet. No doubt one time when he'd have a use for all his old skills- and maybe some new ones.

They were nearing the border with Jotunheim when Thor decided to ask Loki again if he'd thought of a plan for getting into Utgard. He remembered all too well his last experience with the Jotuns, and did not wish to repeat it. So his brother better have come up with something.

"So," he began casually. "Any ideas for dealing with Skrýmir?"

At first, Loki said nothing, merely staring across the wide river separating Asgard from the land of the Frost Giants. Thor wondered if their father had made a mistake, not sure if his brother was having second thoughts about what he would do once on the other side. He didn't want to doubt him, but this was Loki. It would take time before he could trust that what Lilith had done was lasting. Which was something he'd better not admit aloud after that argument they'd just had, or he'd never hear the end of it.

"Loki?"

"We should go directly to Skrýmir," he said at last.

"Skrýmir? Have you lost your mind!?"

"No, I haven't."

"He'll have us imprisoned the second we step into his hall. Then you'll be the one explaining to father why he had to ransom us back."

Loki shifted in the saddle to look at Thor, laying the reins across his horse's withers so he could illustrate his point in gesture.

"Think about it, Brother. An Asgardian seeking refuge in Jotunheim. And in its capital no less. We're not talking about just anyone, either. A _wanted criminal_. How much do you think Skrýmir will want to keep someone like _that_ around? Especially when you and I show up at his doorstep looking for him. We won't even need to tell him what Danethar's done. He'll be so distracted by questions of why both of us are working together- and wanting us out of his realm- that he'll comply with any request to find who we're looking for."

Okay. Perhaps Loki's idea wasn't as crazy as he'd first thought. And Thor much preferred any strategy that favored a straightforward approach. Let Skrýmir supply the twists and subterfuge on his own. He patted the side of his mount's neck and shrugged at his brother.

"Let's do it then. But you'd better be right." He surveyed the river and another thought struck him. "Just how were you planning to get across, anyway? The nearest bridge is miles away."

"And it would have taken us far out of our way if we want to get go Utgard. This was the most direct route."

"Direct, but that still doesn't solve the issue of there being _no bridge_."

"No bridge?" queried Loki with a mischievous smile. "Well, perhaps not yet. But…"

He dismounted and searched the bare earth near the edge of the river. Thor didn't bother asking him what he was looking for, or why. If Loki answered at all, it would be gibberish to him, anyway. After a few minutes, he seemed to find something- a large rock. Why it was any different from the dozens of others lying around, Thor couldn't say. Nevertheless, he watched as Loki set his selected object on the riverbank and muttered some words over it. Within seconds, the stone began to grow in size. It sank down into the mud and stretched out over the swiftly moving water until it reached the other bank. Loki nodded with satisfaction, stood and swung back into the saddle. Thor kept his eyes on the newly created bridge.

"We're crossing on that?"

"Unless you'd rather swim."

"I would not. But just how solid is that rock?"

"Relax, Brother. It'll hold long enough for us to get to the other side. At least so long as we don't stand around all day arguing about it."

Thor closed his mouth, opting to get this over with. He doubted that Loki would intentionally subvert any chance of catching Danethar, even if he thought it would make for an amusing prank. So he'd keep telling himself that until this ordeal was over, and urged his horse forward. The brave creature didn't balk when Thor asked it to cross the stone bridge, even though it was barely wide enough for two men to walk side by side. One misstep and both he and the horse would plunge into the strong current below.

But he was a warrior, so Thor refused to dwell on the danger. Even so, the crossing was a tense business, and he wasn't relaxed again until he felt the horse's hooves sink in the soft dirt on the other side. Behind him, Loki's had crossed just as easily. And once they were safely in Jotunheim, the stone vanished- as if it had never been there.

_Don't think about it. Focus on why you're here and keep moving._

"Come on," Loki said impatiently. "Utgard isn't far from here and there's not much day left to get this done."

"Lead the way, Brother."

And they were off again, racing over Jotunheim at a hasty gallop. Loki led them through the hidden tracts of forest and valley- far away from any settlements where they might be seen. So much the better, since Thor wanted to deal with the Frost Giants as little as possible on this errand; no need to spark another war. Fortunately, they met no one until reaching the gates of Utgard. A guard stepped forward to prevent them from entering the city.

"State your business, Thor Odinson and Loki Laufeyson."

Thor looked to his brother for direction. This was his idea, so he could do the explaining. Loki shrugged and spoke to the towering giant.

"We have an urgent message for the King of the Jotuns concerning an Asgardian fugitive. He is wanted by the Allfather for his crimes and fled to Utgard."

The guard looked as if he might turn them away, but eventually called to his partner hanging back at the post. "Keep an eye on the gate. These two want to see the King."

They were escorted through the city, and Thor could feel the eyes of its inhabitants on him. Loki's plan better work, or they'd have plenty of trouble getting out of here- with or without Danethar. At least no one approached or said anything to him and Loki. Or their stoic escort. Thor kept one hand at his belt, resting on his Mjolnir. Eyes glanced downward, and the Jotuns backed into doorways as their procession wound through the streets. Before long, they were brought before Skrýmir.

The Jotun King eyed them with equal measures of suspicion and curiosity. Loki concerned himself about neither. He'd dealt with Skrýmir before, and knew how to play this out without any need for bloodshed. Thor might not believe it so easy, but then he could never truly understand these people the way he did. After all, Loki was one of them. So who better to know what to expect?

"Drae tells me that you come into my domain with news of great importance," Skrýmir boomed at them from his great height. He supposed it was meant to be intimidating, and maybe to some Asgardians, it would be. But the giant should know that the trick wouldn't work against Loki or Thor. "I hope for your sakes that is true, considering the impertinent means by which you came here from Asgard."

Ah, so he had noticed the bridge. Loki kept the smirk out of his tone and off his face, as much as he wanted to play coy with the giant. He needed Skrýmir's help, so he would be respectful. For now.

"The Allfather bade us to carry out our task quickly, or we would have come by the common roads."

"Since when do _you_ heed the command of the Allfather, Laufeyson?"

"In this matter, I have no quarrel with Odin," he answered with a sharp grin.

"A rare occurrence, to be sure. And what matter might that be?"

"An Asgardian criminal escaped the city a few days ago. Heimdall has verified that he has taken refuge in your city, Skrýmir. Thor and I bring a message from the Allfather: he wants the man back. Immediately."

"Does he? And why should I care what Odin wants from _my_ realm?"

"You will care because if you harbor the criminal, the Allfather will consider the action a breach of the peace between Asgard and Jotunheim. As I recall, the last time the Jotuns went up against the Allfather, things did not go so well. At least not for them. I would think you would be wise enough to see that refusing to return someone so trivial is not worth the trouble."

Skrýmir leaned back in his chair, silently considering Loki's words. Meanwhile, Thor looked as though he might like to strangle him at the moment. Not that he was surprised. The Allfather had been very clear that they _not_ start a war over Danethar's return, and here he'd all but thrown down the gauntlet at Skrýmir's feet. What his brother didn't seem to grasp was that the threat was by far the best playing card they had against the Jotun King. Nothing could force his hand more quickly. And judging by the sudden burst of laughter from the giant, Loki had gambled correctly.

"If the Allfather wants this runaway back, let him have the miserable cur. I have no need to feed and house such a creature here, and would consider myself better off to be rid of him. What would I want with a coward who runs from his enemies?"

Loki never dropped his good-natured façade, despite Skrýmir's attempt to bait his temper. He knew damn well the giant wasn't just talking of Danethar with that last remark. And not long ago, he would have been right. Hadn't he spent most of his life running from anything that truly frightened him? Well, not any more. It was tempting to correct Skrýmir's opinion of his character, but now was not the time for it. Sadly, he and Thor would be better served if the giant still thought of him as the same Loki he'd always known. So he let the jibe pass without comment. As did Skrýmir, who got on to the business at hand.

"So, this Asgardian. He has a name?"

"Danethar," Loki snarled, unable to keep the hatred out of his voice.

Skrýmir's eyebrows rose. "I can see now why you were so eager to complete the mission for the Allfather. I'm curious what this Danethar did to you that has you out for his blood, Laufeyson."

"He got in my way." And that's all he would tell the giant; it was more than enough.

"Well, then. No sense in delaying. I'm sure you have much in store for this Danethar once he's back in Asgard." Skrýmir paused to stare thoughtfully at Loki. "If he even makes it to Asgard. Be advised that I will not be held responsible if Odin does not see his prisoner returned alive."

"Have no fear, Skrýmir. Danethar won't get off so easily."

The Jotun King made no reply to that, calling to his guard instead.

"Drae!"

"Yes, my King?"

"You are to assist our guests form Asgard in hunting for their quarry."

The man did not look happy with his assignment, but did not dare complain. He took the point position and the three of them left the audience room. Once outside, Drae looked askance at them.

"So who we lookin' for?"

"An Asgardian man by the name of Danethar. He would have arrived here a day or two ago and is likely trying to hide his identity as best as possible."

Drae scratched his cheek and thought for a moment. "Might try one of the lower districts. Be the only place someone of his size could blend in. What with the runt types that live around there."

Yet again, Loki held back his temper. Save that for when they found Danethar. With a feral smile, he gestured to the guard.

"By all means. Lead the way and maybe we'll get lucky."

I was tired of waiting. Tired of the mist. Tired of feeling like I wasn't in control of my fate. Had I known this boring nothingness was awaiting me, maybe I would have preferred the oblivion of death. At least that would have been definite. This misty place was all questions without answers.

The voices had all left me. Even the one that intrigued me so acutely. I was once again alone, with no company beyond my own thoughts. When I wasn't puzzling over the identity of my mysterious healer, they turned to the last events of my waking life. Memories of that horrific night haunted me relentlessly. I couldn't call them nightmares in the truest sense; I wasn't asleep. But out of the corner of my eye, I would see something in the mist that would remind me of the ordeal. Sadly, I knew none of this would cease when I left this drifting fog for the waking world. If the past were anything to go by, it would only get worse. No use dwelling on that, though. Maybe if I thought of others instead…

_I wonder what he did to Berda. I assumed she was dead…but then again, I survived. Maybe my healer saw to her- or brought help along._

Honestly, I doubted that Berda lived. Danethar had likely killed her to ensure that she couldn't be called as a witness to what happened with me. In any scenario I could imagine him taking, he just couldn't afford to leave her alive if he wanted to get away with what he'd done. But I wanted to believe it enough to keep the hope burning. The woman had put up with Danethar's moods and abuse- not to mention my own temper at times. She'd been more like family to me than I'd known at the palace. After Ilsa, she knew me the best; a part of me would be gone were she to have gone on to Hel.

_And speaking of Ilsa…_

My thoughts drifted to the erstwhile maid- the strange woman who'd been more like a friend, despite how short a time we'd had together. Not the easiest of friendships, and certainly the most complicated I could have chosen. What would become of that relationship when I woke up? Instinct told me that no matter how this played out, I wasn't going back to Danethar. The secret was out, and since I survived- thanks to my as yet unknown savior- this might have finally pushed beyond what the Allfather could ignore. Where I _was_ going- no idea. But would Ilsa still be interested in keeping contact? Or would the friendship wither like a hothouse flower in a killing frost?

_Or did Danethar make good on his threat and seek her out after he was through with me? Like Berda, she might also be dead. And so I'll never find out who she truly was or why she came into my life._

I supposed I _could_ ask Maddie. Why Ilsa would have told her anything was still a mystery to me, but it gave me a place to start if Danethar had killed her. If I could bring myself to ask anyway. I remembered the wary look on Maddie's face when she'd tried to tell me before. Whatever identity Ilsa had been keeping secret, I knew it wasn't a pleasant one. The truth would likely rip away any illusions I had about the woman, and maybe I would rather keep them. Sometimes, lies did more good than the truth. But that decision would have to wait for me to get out of this limbo.

"Seriously, I'm ready to leave," I called out into the emptiness.

My voice sounded thin and ghostly to my ears. This place seemed to leach away anything solid. Even sound. And of course, no one answered. I felt disappointed that not even a whisper came back to me from the mystery healer. The voice had been a balm in the unending isolation. With a sigh, I walked on through the mist.

They'd searched all afternoon and into the evening before Loki and Thor had given up the hunt for the night. Drae brought them back to Skrýmir's stronghold, where the Jotun King made them welcome. He threw a feast and invited a number of giants from the city to join them. In Loki's mind, not the smartest idea if they were hoping to catch Danethar unaware. A celebration like this and tongues would be wagging all over Utgard about the Asgardian Princes- and why they were here. By morning, the wretch might already have fled the city. Though where he'd dare go next, Loki wasn't sure. Certainly not back to Asgard. And seeking refuge with the Dark Elves would be suicide.

"What ails you, Laufeyson," asked Skrýmir as he leaned over to tear off the drumstick of a giant roast bird. "You seem not to be enjoying the feast like your Asgardian brother."

Loki didn't want to look, but couldn't help it; his eyes drifted to Thor, who was engaged in a match of strength against one of Skrýmir's guests. A great cheer went up as the sound of an arm thumping against wood declared a victor. He found no joy in noticing that it wasn't his brother for once. Thor seemed not to mind, and went about the challenge again. Loki turned away from the raucous scene and stared into his mug sullenly.

"As far as I'm concerned, there's not much cause to celebrate. We didn't find Danethar."

"Aye, you didn't. But tomorrow is bound to flush him out for you."

"Or see him get away…again."

"I've given orders to stop all traffic in and out of the gates until he is found. The whelp may have entered Utgard unnoticed, but he will not be so lucky if he tries to leave it."

"And we are grateful for your assistance," Loki managed to say in as respectful a tone as possible. Difficult when all he wanted to do was storm out. He'd rather be out searching for Danethar on his own. All night if he had to.

"Earlier," Skrýmir began slowly. "You said this man was branded a criminal by Odin. I don't recall the nature of his crimes."

"That's between Danethar and the Allfather."

Now the giant laughed, a soft rumble of amusement that Loki would try something so transparent. Skrýmir refilled both cups with mead and took a large swallow before making his reply.

"Nonsense! I've tangled with you often enough to know when something is personal, Laufeyson. And I know Odin. He would never allow you here if he wasn't certain you had a vested interest in seeing his command carried out. So what did Danethar do to rouse such hatred of him?"

"I told you. He got in my way."

"That paltry answer won't do," he said after a moment of thought. A shrewd look twinkled in his eyes as he continued. "Especially if you expect my help in locating him."

"Blackmail, is it?" Loki answered through his teeth. "Threats notwithstanding, perhaps I'd take my chances of finding him on my own."

He got up as if to leave the hall, but Skrýmir caught hold of his shoulder. Since Loki's strength couldn't outmatch the giant, he could make a fool of himself by trying to resist, or he could resume sitting. He opted for the latter with a black look to Skrýmir.

"Oh come now, Loki. There's no need for such ugly feelings."

"Speak for yourself."

"I meant no threat, truly. It was merely a jest to pry out an answer. But keep your secret if you wish. I was only curious."

Skrýmir sounded genuine, but he could be playing tricks just as easily. Loki didn't trust him one bit. Just one of many reasons they'd better find Danethar tomorrow; he didn't want to stay here any longer than he had to. But in the meantime, he played the hand he was dealt.

"If you must know- the man is a murderer."

"That can be said of a lot of men," the Jotun King quipped with a salute of his mug. "Yourself included, Laufeyson."

"And I've paid my debt as far as the Allfather is concerned. It's time that Danethar pays his."

"I wonder…" Skrýmir began, but left the sentence unfinished. Loki couldn't resist the obvious attempt to rouse his curiosity.

"What?"

"I wonder if Danethar will be offered the same choice of payment."

A chilly smile was all he could offer the giant, who shook his head and chuckled again. "I thought not."

"If you excuse me, I think I'll turn in for the night. I expect to be up at first light to resume the search." Loki glanced back at Thor, who was drowning himself in yet another tankard of mead. "With or without my brother."

"I daresay it may be the latter. A good evening to you, then." Skrýmir added a final remark before he left the table. "I wouldn't want to be in Danethar's place when you do find him, Laufeyson. Not for all the gold mined by the dwarves of Asgard."

_Truer words you've never spoken, Skrýmir._

Thor groaned and clutched his head in agony. Knife blades were splitting his skull open like a ripe melon. Suddenly, the curtains drew back and he barely managed to get his eyes closed before they let in a killing dose of sunlight. Quite possibly one of the worst hangovers he'd ever had in his life. Now he remembered why he should never drink when in Jotunheim. His ego got him into trouble far too easily. Dragging the coarse blanket over his head, he groaned again.

"Serves you right," Loki reproached him in a loud voice, knowing damn well what it would do for Thor's splitting headache. The man had no sympathy.

"Go 'way."

"And leave you here to sleep off your drunken escapade while I comb Utgard for Danethar? Oh Hel no. Now get up."

"Need sleep."

"What you need is a kick in the ass. What were you _thinking_ getting that sotted last night? We're here to do a job, remember?"

Despite the infernal ringing in his ears thanks to Loki's annoyed speech, Thor managed to comprehend the words. Who would have ever thought his brother would be lecturing _him_ about duty. Hadn't it always been the other way around? But just thinking that much made his brain ache, and Thor was very nearly sick. He knew Loki was right, though. Then again, if he could hardly crawl out of bed, how would he ever manage to spend all day on his feet- much less on his horse?

The mattress shifted, letting him know that his brother was sitting next to him. Thor still refused to emerge from the protective cocoon he'd made under the blanket. Loki sighed reluctantly.

"How bad is it?"

"Sooo bad."

"I can fix this if you wish."

"No' going to fix unless you cut off m'head."

Gods, even the sound of his own voice caused hideous pain. Maybe he ought to _let_ Loki chop it off to save him the trouble of waiting for the agony to clear up on its own.

"As tempting as that offer sounds, I had something more practical in mind."

"What?" Thor asked irritably. "You gonna talk until my brain melts out of m'ears?"

"Revolting," Loki informed him blandly. "But also incorrect. I can fix the chemical imbalance in your body causing the hangover. It's a kind of healing, you might say."

"If I say yes, will it shut you up?"

"You'll have to see, won't you?"

Thor wasn't positive that it would, but he knew one thing for certain. Saying no was guaranteed to earn him more lecturing from his brother. And more than likely, at an increased volume. He'd better just agree and take his chances. What's the worst that could happen?

"Fine. Do it."

The blanket was flung away from him, letting the sunlight pour across his drawn face. If he'd been feeling well, Thor would have gladly strangled Loki for it. But he could do no more than lay there, eyes squeezed tightly closed. And even that didn't keep the brightness at bay. Thor took shallow breaths and prayed Loki got on with this already. The room was beginning to spin with sickening speed.

"This'll be quick, but will likely feel a little weird."

Before his thoughts were coherent enough to reply, Loki laid his hands against Thor's temples. Then he felt the sensation of power channeling through him. Boy was he right; very weird, indeed. But within seconds, he was already feeling much better. When Loki's hands drew back, the pain of his hangover had all but vanished. Thor opened his eyes tentatively to see his brother staring back at him impatiently.

"I trust you're feeling well enough to make yourself useful now?"

Thor was tempted to snap at him for his attitude, but was reminded of two reasons why he should reconsider. For one, Loki had cured his hangover, and without him, today would have been a very long and painful day. And secondly, his brother had every right to be furious with him for getting drunk in the first place. So he bit his tongue and took the verbal thrashing with as much grace as he could muster.

"Yeah, thanks," he said and he sat up in bed. "That's a useful trick to know, by the way."

"You're welcome, but if you think I'm going to save you from every over indulgence from now on, you can forget it." Loki stood and headed for the door. "Now can we _please_ find Danethar and go home?"

A faint smile passed over Thor's lips. Never thought he'd hear Loki so adamant to get back to Asgard- or to refer to it as his 'home'. No time for those thoughts, though. He'd already disappeared down the hallway, and Thor would have to hurry to catch up with him. Again. Fortunately, he hadn't changed out of his clothes from the day before. Probably too drunk to do it. Honestly, Thor wasn't even sure how he'd gotten to the room at all last night, and wouldn't have been surprised to have woken up slumped over one of the tables in the main hall. Grateful that he had been spared that experience, he got out of bed and followed Loki down the hall. Drae was waiting for them.

"Surprised to see you awake," the giant said to Thor with a braying laugh. "Was sure you drank enough to lay low until noon at least."

Ordinarily, Thor might have played it off to his own prowess, but he thought of Loki before replying. This time he ought to give credit where it was due. Snarky remarks aside, his brother had offered to help him- and had actually _followed through_ with the offer. He flashed the giant a grin and nodded in Loki's direction.

"We can all thank my brother for that. Without his help, I doubt I could have found my feet, much less Danethar."

"Speaking of him…" Loki interjected. "Any ideas where to start this morning? I'm hoping to have better luck today."

"You and me both," Drae grumbled. "I'll be more than happy to get off this search detail." When neither of them commiserated with him, the guard hitched up his breeches with a loud harrumph. "Come on. We'll start with the gates. If the weasel tried to escape Utgard last night, the guards will have kept him locked up until he was claimed."

The giant led the way, as he'd done before. Thor and Loki mounted their saddled horses and followed behind. At two of the gates, they heard nothing of Danethar, and he figured the man had chosen to remain in his hiding place rather than risk an escape. Which meant another long day of searching the city. Never had he spoken to so many Jotuns before, and he hoped never to do so again. Loki could find any future runaways alone if the Allfather wanted them back in Asgard. Or Odin could come himself.

They approached the final gate and were met with a hearty shout from the giants on watch. Despite Loki's help, the sound renewed the pounding in his skull, and Thor couldn't help resenting them for it. It took all of his best efforts to maintain a neutral expression.

"Hail, Drae," said one of them. "I was wondering when we might see you lot."

"That so?"

"Yeah. We got something that is sure to brighten your day. Or should I say _someone_."

"Don't play games, Kvál. I know what you like to think makes for a good joke, but if you're not serious, I might just let the pale one here rip you apart. He's been itchin' to tear into somebody since he got here. Better you than me if that wretch isn't locked up in the holding cell."

The other giant's confidence waivered at the tone in Drae's voice. To Thor's way of thinking, he had good reason to be nervous. His brother was a powder key just waiting to explode. A jest like this might just be enough to set him off. _And I don't want to be anywhere around when that happens_, he added silently.

"No jokes, Drae- I promise," Kvál assured them at last. "Caught the one you said you were lookin' for trying to sneak out in an empty wine casket. Thought he could outwit us by hiding on a wagon headed for Thrymheim this morning. He sure put up a fuss, but Itanor and I took care of him with no trouble. Not hard with these puny races, so long as you can catch hold of 'em."

"Where is he, then?"

"Put him in the locked storeroom yonder. Been taking turns checkin' in on him until you got here."

Drae glanced at Thor and Loki.

"Probably ought to check to be sure it's him. Which one of you's goin'?"

_Is that really a question in need of an answer?_

"I'll know if it's Danethar," Loki said. His tone sounded indifferent, but Thor knew better. Just as he knew better than to interfere. "Show me the way."

The Jotuns let them to a building near the gate. He hung back slightly, giving his brother room to stand before the door. Kvál unlocked it and Loki stepped inside the dimly lit space. Thor just hoped Danethar would be alive when he came out again. Not for the warrior's sake, of course. As far as he was concerned, the bastard deserved whatever he had coming from his brother. But the Allfather had commanded to bring him back to Asgard alive. He did _not_ want to be the one to remind Loki, should he decide not to heed it.

Inside the makeshift prison cell, the morning light couldn't quite reach its furthest corners. Loki stood just inside the entrance and allowed his eyes to adjust. Once they had, he merely waited. Waited for Danethar to betray himself. A rustle of chain to his left told him exactly what he wanted to know. Loki smiled.

Who's there?" demanded a voice both angry and frightened. "You've no right to keep me in here! I want to talk to someone about how you Jotun tyrants have mistreated me!"

As he glided closer to where the guards had tethered the warrior to the wall, Loki's grin changed to become sharp-edged and dangerous. He reminded himself that he had _plans_ for Danethar, and couldn't do half of what he wanted to right now. Still…just because he couldn't _kill_ the bastard didn't mean he couldn't _play _with him for a little while. Danethar was facing off in the opposite direction. Loki stole up behind him very close and whispered low in his ear.

"I'm so glad you want to talk, Danethar. Though I'd be careful about any mention of who has mistreated whom. You wouldn't want anyone to start asking questions about why you ran off to Jotunheim in the first place. Because that story has plenty to do with _mistreatment_."

"Loki!" Danethar bolted like a spooked horse, trying to side-step away from him. Loki clamped a hand on the man's shoulder and squeezed hard.

"Where do you think _you're_ going? I thought you wanted to talk."

"Not with you."

"Too bad. I'm all you're going to get."

Danethar tried to shake off his grip, but his shackles prevented him from using his strength. He relished the advantage and dug his fingertips into the man's clavicle a little more. The bones didn't crack- after all, Danethar was Asgardian it would take a lot more to truly injure him. Loki was still smiling as the thought of how long he would need to find out just how _much_ more. All in good time. He'd save that for when they'd gotten back to Asgard. For now…

"So, you don't think you belong here? I'd suggest you get used to the sight of chains and stone walls, Danethar. When we get back to Asgard, you'll be seeing more of them."

"What for?"

Loki's temper burned. He released Danethar's shoulder and spun him around. The wretch tripped over the chains around his ankles. Probably would have fallen if the ones around his wrists hadn't been secured to the ceiling. As a result, Danethar could only flail helplessly as his arms were nearly wrenched out of their sockets. Loki watched, still smiling. He made no move to help.

"Trouble keeping on your feet?" he queried in amusement after Danethar had regained his balance. "My brother would be ashamed to see how clumsy you've become. Hardly what one would expect from a highly trained _warrior_."

Danethar said nothing, expression stubbornly sullen.

"But then," Loki continued. "I would hardly think you have anything to recommend you on that score."

That was enough to goad the man enough to answer, as he had hoped it would.

"I'm twice the warrior Thor Odinson is! That's why he set up that whole thing with the Allfather. He's jealous and wanted me out of the way."

"An interesting theory. And I suppose it's _his_ fault that you ran off to Jotunheim?"

"Him and that bitch cousin of his. But she got what she deserved before I left." Danethar paused. "Too bad I couldn't get to that sneaky maid of hers as well."

"Unfinished business with the hired help?"

"Should have taken care of her when I first laid eyes on her."

He'd intended to wait until the Allfather handed Danethar over to him for the execution before revealing how he became involved, but Loki couldn't resist the opportunity before him. He lit a taper on a nearby shelf to bring more light into the room. While Danethar squinted against the brightness, he shifted form. He was once again disguised as 'Ilsa' when the man finally saw him. This time, Loki wasn't smiling. Matter of fact, neither was Danethar. The warrior's face was paper white as comprehension dawned.

"_You!_ You're…" he sputtered angrily. "But she.."

Loki shifted back to his true form and smirked.

"You were so easily fooled. I daresay the most transparent of disguises would have worked so long as it had breasts."

"So it was a damn game. I might have known. And now what, you've come to play some more?"

"Play? Oh yes- you and I are most certainly going to play. But a game? I think not, Danethar. I'm through with games." He shrugged elegantly. "Oddly enough, you can thank yourself for that."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Loki very nearly told him when someone stuck a head through the door.

"Hey Loki- what's taking so long? Is it Danethar or what?"

He stepped away from the warrior and turned to Thor. Saved by his brother. Now was not the time to reveal too much about his motives or intentions. He'd almost gotten too carried away and forgotten that.

"It's him. We were having a pleasant chat."

"Uh huh. Well, you can chat with him on the journey back to Asgard. Let's just get him and get out of here."

"Fine by me."

The guards entered the room and unhooked the chains from the iron rings on the floor and ceiling. As Kvál and Itanor held him still, Drae bound him with rope. Just his wrists this time so that Danethar could still walk. Once that was completed, the whole entourage walked out into the open courtyard. Loki said nothing; neither did anyone else. Finally, Drae spoke up.

"I 'spect you'll want to be leaving now to get back to the Allfather with that one. Journey back to the hall would be a long one, what with him tied up like that."

"Yeah," Thor admitted. "Though I suppose we ought to tell Skrýmir we're leaving…"

"He's already been notified," Kvál said. "Wouldn't expect you back there once the prisoner was found, anyway."

"In that case, then, we'll be off." Thor stared at their horses. Their _two_ horses. "Or maybe not. How are we going to get back without another horse for him to ride? Should have gotten three to begin with."

Loki made no comment, snatching the rope tether from Drae. Not caring whether Danethar had the sense to move, he strode to his horse and secured the end tightly to one of the metal loops on the back of the saddle.

"Loki, you can't be serious," his brother protested.

He ignored him- and Danethar- and swung aboard without a word. Eyes straight ahead to the open road beyond the gate, he dug his heels into his mount's flanks. The stallion snorted and took off at a brisk trot. Behind him, the rope stretched taut and yanked Danethar nearly off his feet. Meanwhile, Thor was still yelling something about not dragging the wretch the whole way to Asgard. As for the Jotuns- he could hear them laughing. They probably thought he didn't intend to do just that.

_They wouldn't be laughing if they truly knew me. A better man I may be than I was the last time I set foot in Jotunheim, but some things never change. Danethar is about to learn that lesson the hard way, and nothing Thor can say will stop me._

Odin has just received a message from Heimdall: Loki and Thor had located Danethar in Jotunheim and were nearly back to Asgard. When they arrived, he hoped he would be ready. His conversation with Loki yesterday was still clear in his mind- as was the look on the god's face when he'd spoken of his plans for the warrior. Odin had faced his adopted son at his best and worst moments, but none of them unnerved him quite so much as that chilling smile.

_All the more reason I am thankful that Lilith survived that night. If she hadn't, Loki might have turned that same look on everyone in Asgard._

Since yesterday, Odin had debated the wisdom of letting Loki have Danethar. Was it the just fate he deserved, or an abuse of his power? The question troubled him so deeply that he hadn't slept last night. But a visit to the infirmary this morning to see Lilith had settled the matter. Knowing the horror that she had been through at the warrior's hand- and the lingering scars that would surely surface once she awoke- Odin could choose only one way. A monster like him needed an executioner who understood the depth of his crimes. Only one person other than Lilith met that criteria.

Loki would have Danethar.

Heimdall's warning had come early enough that he had time to assemble key witnesses for a hearing. Frigga sat on his right, trying not to seem overly nervous. An assortment of nobles and members of the community sat in hushed rows on either side of the room. Aside from his Queen, none of them knew why they had been summoned to be here. Odin had been deliberately silent about what happened to Lilith and Danethar's subsequent disappearance. As another messenger approached to whisper an update, he hoped it wasn't a decision he would regret. The message was brief; they were here. Odin called for quiet and nodded to the pages to allow them inside.

Thor was the first to step through the doors. He took one look at the assembly and kept walking as if they didn't concern him. Loki appeared next. He gripped a rope firmly, expression determined. With a rough yank, Loki forced a third person to stumble through the door. Danethar. The man was covered in dirt and blood, skin scraped raw. At the sight of his condition, astonished gasps fluttered through the crowd. They whispered in hushed tones, all wondering the same thing- what he was also wondering. What in the nine realms did they do to him on the journey from Jotunheim?

_I suppose I ought to be grateful that he made it alive at all,_ Odin mused ruefully.

The trio approached slowly, as Danethar was limping slightly. The warrior kept turning his head left and right to see the people in the assembly. Just like Thor, Loki didn't seem to notice them at all, eyes locked on Odin instead. He might have wished for some distraction on his part; that stare was far too intense for his comfort. Finally, they stood before him. Loki tugged on the rope one last time and a dazed Danethar fell to his knees on the marble floor between them. Braced on both hands, the warrior coughed before shooting his captors with a venomous glare. Neither of them showed any sign that they noticed at all. Best get on with this as quickly as possible.

"In light of recent events and evidence brought forth, I, Odin Borson, have called this assembly to reopen the hearing against Lord Danethar. The accused fled Asgard the night of the previous hearing and was found hiding in Jotunheim. He has been retrieved and presented for trial."

More whispers- this time, far more animated than before. Several attendants had been here to witness the last hearing, and remained skeptical about what they were about to see. As for Danethar, the warrior was dumbfounded by the announcement. Odin chose to address Loki and Thor first.

"I commend the both of you for your assistance with locating Lord Danethar and bringing him back to Asgard. And as I've heard no threats from Skrýmir, you did it without angering the Jotuns."

"You sound surprised."

He was, but he didn't admit it. Instead, he waved a hand at the haggard warrior.

"I suppose you have an explanation for this?"

"He had the chance to stay on his feet," Loki replied with a dismissive shrug. "I guess he wasn't inclined to."

"You _dragged_ me the whole way, you sadistic son of a bitch!" Danethar hissed angrily, causing another round of gasps.

Loki retaliated swiftly, landing a bruising kick to Danethar's ribs. The blow knocked him off-balance and he sprawled onto the floor. Loki pinned him there under his left boot, grinding his heel in to the warrior's spine. He leaned over and grabbed a handful of hair.

"That's right, Danethar. And I'll be sure you don't forget it in the days ahead."

Odin watched the exchange in silence, knowing no command from him would stop Loki right now. No one decried his actions; several looked on with approval of Danethar's suffering. Thor was one of the latter, he noted in surprise. Before leaving for Jotunheim- even after seeing what the warrior had done to Lilith- his son hadn't been quite so eager to use such brutality. What had transpired on the journey back to change his mind so quickly? Odin dreaded to find out.

"Let him up, my son. I will hear the account of his actions."

Reluctantly, Loki lifted his foot to release the man. But at least he'd obeyed. As for Danethar, he shook himself and struggled awkwardly to his feet. From his expression, the warrior mistook Odin's command as a sign that he was sympathetic towards him. A mistake he would regret before this was over.

"Allfather, I have been persecuted most unfairly. I don't know what evidence you have discovered, but I feel it my duty to remind you that I was acquitted in this very room only a few short days ago. Is it a crime to travel to Jotunheim? I had a legitimate business reason to be there, and yet I am hunted like an animal by both of your sons for some imagined crime. I demand to be released and to see them punished."

The man was either delusional or a lying monster. Odin suspected more the latter. Danethar's cleverly delivered speech was meant to sway him as he'd believed he'd done before. Just an act. This time, it would not save him; no- his lies would be his doom.

"They cannot be punished for acting on my orders."

"But I have done nothing!"

"Three days ago, you were released from this hall with the admonishment to mend your behavior. Later that evening, several of your comrades paid a visit to your home and discovered your cook stabbed to death and your wife raped, tortured and beaten to the point of death. You were nowhere to be found in the residence."

Horrified murmurs filled the room. Several women began weeping, overcome by the shock of hearing what had befallen Lilith. No doubt by his tone, they assumed that she was dead. Although he could not soften the news of what Danethar had done to her, at least he could provide them with peace of mind on that score. As for the other men assembled, many of them looked ready to tear Danethar limb from limb. Only the barest veneer of respect for him as the Allfather kept them from surging forward in an avenging mob of fury. That and perhaps the daunting expression on Loki's face as he clutched the rope tethered to Danethar.

"All the more reason to see that it couldn't have been my doing, Allfather! I had already gone to Jotunheim."

"Do not dare mock me," Odin thundered ominously. "By a miracle of fate, Lady Lilith survived what you have done and can be brought forth as a witness. And even if she hadn't, do you think I would not question Heimdall and that he would name you as the perpetrator of these crimes? Do not pretend to be innocent, Danethar."

"I was unjustly provoked," he protested desperately. "That wasn't my fault!"

"You claim a crime of passion, but my recounting of the injuries speaks of a calculated and planned execution that involved unspeakable torture. What excuse do you have for that?"

Danethar was finally grasping the seriousness of his situation, eyes shifting nervously around the room. He stumbled over his reply.

"I haven't been myself these past few weeks. I may have gotten carried away…"

"You think I don't know what you've been up to these past few years. A few days ago, you may have been able to deceive me, but Heimdall and a number of others have informed me of what _is_ normal for you. I am convinced that recent events are only the culmination of a morally corrupt character, combined with arrogance that you would not be held accountable for it."

"But…" Danethar tried to interrupt, but with a nod to Loki was quieted immediately.

"Today, you _will_ answer for your misdeeds. On account of their number and magnitude, I order that you face execution as payment for them."

An immediate and exultant cheer went up from the assembly in response to his declaration. Odin hadn't quite expected them to react quite so strongly, but couldn't say he was completely surprised. Several women present in the crowd had come forward as victims of his other crimes. He knew that they'd felt cheated of justice last time, and were feeling vindicated with today's outcome. Danethar may not be sentenced to death for their abuse at his hands, but he would be punished. Would receive the ultimate punishment. And that was good enough for them. As for the warrior himself, he was far from pleased with Odin's decision.

"Execution! Surely…"

"Allfather," Loki interjected over Danethar's shocked outcry. "I wish to make a formal request."

_I'm sure you do, and I'm equally sure I know what it will be._

"I will hear it."

"Let me determine the manner of carrying out your command."

"Noooo!" Danethar howled in horror. "Not him. Anyone but _him_. In the name of justice, do not grant this request!"

Odin was grim as he leveled a steely glare at the man.

"It is precisely in the service of justice that I will grant it," he answered solemnly. "I hereby remand the condemned man, Danethar, into the custody of Loki Laufeyson, who will determine the manner of his execution for his crimes against Asgard."

The room was aghast at his declaration- and deathly silent. Every person present knew what Loki was capable of doing, and understood exactly what he had unleashed on Danethar by allowing him to perform the execution. Odin was worried at first that they would agree that it was too harsh a punishment. Then he noted the look on the faces of the women; the same chilling smile he'd seen from Loki yesterday. No, they would not ask for a reprieve or any mercy for the man who'd hurt them. Danethar's fate was sealed.

At last, Loki broke the stunned silence in the hall. He bowed elegantly to him, a ghost of a smile playing over his lips and a terrifying excitement dancing in his eyes.

"You can trust that I will see that his punishment is equal to his crimes, Allfather."


	23. Chapter 22: Awakened

"Are you sure she's ready?"

I stopped my aimless wandering to listen to the voices overhead. They were much closer than last time- so close that I could now distinguish who they belonged to.

"It's been four days. I fear leaving her there any longer will do more harm than good at this point."

Maddie. And the one before her sounded an awful lot like Julia. I didn't have much time to ponder what it meant that the two of them were present, though. The gauzy mist around me was burning away, and I felt a strange tingling ripple through me. Just when I thought I couldn't take it anymore, my eyes opened- the ones in my physical body. Which, if I wasn't imagining things, was lying in one of the beds in the palace infirmary. I blinked several times just to be sure.

"Lilith?" Maddie prompted in a low, calm voice. "Lilith, can you hear me? Can you answer?"

"Yes, and yes," I replied as I tried to sit up.

"Careful! You probably shouldn't move," Julia warned. "Your injuries were quite severe and…"

The very last thing I needed or wanted was a lecture from that twit. For a healer, she wasn't the brightest Asgardian I'd met, and seeing as she was only a handful of years older than me, I just couldn't give her the same respect as Berath or Maddie. And even they'd had to earn it. So before Julia could finish her platitude about resting, I spoke up.

"I'm well aware of how severe they were. And no disrespect intended, Julia, but I think I've had enough experience with this to know my own limitations. So I'm going to sit up."

"But…"

"Don't bother arguing with her, Julia. You won't win."

I almost smiled at Maddie's comment. She certainly knew the truth of that, having dealt with my stubbornness more than a few times. So glad that she was here when I woke up, or I might have been tempted to see if my limitations could withstand walking out on the other healer. As I attempted to move, it was more than obvious that would have been quite the challenge. With a few panting breaths and no small amount of determination I managed to scoot back into a sitting position. From there, I could see my surroundings more clearly.

"One of the private rooms," I asked in surprise.

"It was easier to keep an eye on your progress when you were kept away from the rest of the ward."

"Fair enough. And did I hear correctly- four days?"

"Yes. Usually, we wouldn't sedate a patient so long, but so much of you had to be rebuilt during the healing that it was safer to give it as much time as possible."

I said nothing to that, considering what wasn't being said in Maddie's explanation. I'd seen Berath keep a patient sedated before. He didn't always do it when an injury was severe- just when he was afraid bringing the person back to consciousness would evoke a violent response that could ruin his work. Most of those had been wounds received in terrible battles or accidents. But I knew why Maddie would think I would react the same way. In fact, she and Julia were both watching me as if I were a cracked vase about to shatter if bumped the wrong way. I found it highly annoying.

"Will you stop looking at me like that!?"

"Like what?"

"Like you're waiting for me to fall apart. I'm _fine_."

Maddie didn't believe me for a minute.

"You nearly _died_, Lilith."

"Wasn't the first time," I threw back at her, exasperated. "I came through it just fine then, so what's the big deal this time?"

Neither of them wanted to say it. So I did.

"You think that it matters that Danethar raped me first? He did it all the time, and you know that. After the first time, it hardly mattered anymore. Hel, Maddie, I was almost glad at thinking he'd finally decided to end it and that _finally_ it would be the last time."

"Lilith," Maddie exchanged a worried look with Julia before she continued. "The past few months have been deeply traumatizing, whether you want to admit it or not. As a healer, I can assure you that you are _not_ fine and things will only worsen if you continue to ignore the truth."

I had to remind myself that I wasn't angry with Maddie. She'd done nothing but try to help me. So I suppressed the urge to lash out at her. All my pent up anger escaped as an ominous hiss through clenched teeth. Julia's eyes darted nervously around, highly uncomfortable with the situation. Not surprising; she hadn't spent the last few years dealing with Danethar's victims like Maddie had. She was wholly unequal to the task of dealing with me, and Maddie knew it.

"Julia, why don't you inform Frigga and the Allfather that Lilith has awoken and is in no danger?"

"Yes, of course," the younger woman agreed, obviously grateful for any excuse to leave the room. "I'll do so right away."

Once she'd gone, Maddie pulled up a chair and sat at my bedside. Now the conversation could truly begin. I both dreaded and yet needed the answers I would finally receive. But before I got any of those, best to shut down the topic she'd brought up a moment ago. I was not in the mood for it, no matter how right she might be.

"Look, Maddie, I hear what you're saying, but I'm not dealing with any of that right now. _If_ and _when_ I do, it'll be on my terms."

Her mouth was a thin, disapproving line, but she didn't try to argue with me. Of course, that didn't mean she wouldn't comment on my decision. I couldn't begrudge her that much at least.

"I don't recommend waiting too long, Lilith."

"Understood. Are we good?"

"I suppose you leave me with no choice in the matter."

"None at all," I agreed. "Now, I have some questions about what happened four days ago. And a few about what's happened in the days since then."

"I will answer what I can," she offered, despite her discomfited look as she shifted in her chair. "But I should tell you that my knowledge may be limited."

Maddie probably meant that to sound apologetic, but to my ears, it sounded like someone who had something to hide. I supposed the only way to find out what it could be was to start asking what I wanted to know and see what answers I got. Start with something I thought might be easy.

"Berda- is she dead?"

"I'm afraid so, Lilith. She was dead when I arrived at the house that night. I don't think anyone could have prevented it. Danethar dispatched her to Hel quickly."

While not surprised by her answer, I was saddened by it. A sigh escaped my lips and I fiddled with the edge of the blanket covering me. The woman had died, and she wouldn't have if she'd worked for someone else. _Anyone _else. So in a way, I was partly to blame for her death.

"At least it was quick. Knowing Danethar, that was something that worried me. Still, I wish she'd stayed out of his way that night. Never wanted to see her harmed."

"Berda knew the risks of her position."

An odd sort of answer. At face value, I guess I could take it to mean that the woman knew Danethar's temper and contempt for others. But I couldn't shake the feeling that Maddie meant something more than that. I studied her face carefully for a minute to gauge whether or not she'd tell me if I asked her more about it. No, no she wouldn't, so I shrugged.

"I guess so."

We were silent for a while as I remembered Berda and let go of any hope of seeing her again. We would never argue about her calling me 'Lady' or if I'd eaten enough. She'd never make honey rolls for me when I was feeling low. A few of so many little things I'd miss in the days ahead. I must have been quiet long enough to worry the healer.

"You had other questions," Maddie asked hesitantly.

"I do- about Ilsa." I saw her turn greyish, but continued all the same. "Danethar made some…threats…about what he might do to her. Do you happen to know if she's all right?"

Maddie instantly regretted having given Lilith the opportunity to ask about Ilsa. Like everyone else in the palace, she'd been briefed yesterday afternoon about what she was- and _wasn't_\- allowed to say to the Lady. While she agreed on the reasons behind the latter, that didn't mean it was going to be easy to divert Lilith away from the answers she wanted. _Much easier than the task Loki will have when it's his turn to explain the truth to her. The God of Lies has never been asked to tell a truth of that magnitude._ So while she wasn't used to bending her words, she'd consider herself fortunate that his burden was the heavier to bear.

"I have not heard of what became of Ilsa," she answered at last. "Either good or ill."

"But has she come forward at all since that night?"

"I have not seen her."

Lilith's eyebrows drew together in wary suspicion. Maddie wished she had some of Loki's talents for falsehood right now. She could use all the help she could get.

"Why do I get the feeling that you're hiding something, Maddie?"

"I'm not. I haven't seen Ilsa or heard from her since the morning four days ago."

"You said that morning that she told you her true identity," Lilith began. Maddie dreaded how that sentence would end. "What of that person? Have you seen her at all?"

"No I haven't," Maddie lied. She hated doing it, but no subtle bending of the truth would work against that particular question. "I've spent most of my days here, attending to you and the other women who've come for healing."

"Here? You're treating them here?"

"Less of that lately, since Eckert and Willem were executed. A few others were dealt with shortly after that, and word has gotten out that the Allfather will not tolerate their kind in Asgard. But yes, I moved my practice back to the palace."

The change of subject worked. Maddie could see Lilith's thoughts shifting away from Ilsa. She'd by no means forgotten about the woman, but at least she had finished asking about her for today.

"The Allfather," she repeated in a nasty tone. "I'm sure they're all praising him for eradicating the nightmare _he_ set loose on Asgard and blatantly ignored for the past few years."

_Odin, you also have your work cut out for you_, Maddie thought as Lilith's speech ended. _You've made yourself her enemy in her eyes, and I'm not sure that was wise. This will not be the last time Lilith makes such a remark, and you will be forced to reckon with what happened in Asgard under your watch._

"I believe most of them just want to get on with their lives now that it's over," she suggested, hoping Lilith would accept it.

"I very much doubt for any of those women it is truly 'over'. But since we're speaking of Eckert and Willem- what of their ringleader? What news of Danethar's fate?"

"He tried to flee to Jotunheim, but was captured and returned to Asgard to stand trial," Maddie told her while avoiding any mention that Loki had been involved in any way. "He was sentenced to death by execution by the Allfather."

"I see. So he's already dead and I've missed getting to see it."

From what Maddie understood, Danethar was yet alive in the palace dungeons. She'd witnessed the hearing yesterday, and watched Loki haul him away. Nothing was ever said explicitly, but everyone knew whatever execution he'd planned for the former warrior would not be a swift one. Or seen by the public. But she knew what was expected of her. The Allfather- not to mention Loki- had been very clear that if Lilith asked, she was to be told Danethar was dead.

"The sentence was carried out not long after it was delivered. The Allfather thought it wisest to act immediately to maintain the peace."

"Maintain the peace?"

"You said yourself- many women have suffered for a long time on his account. Danethar has made many enemies in Asgard. They were after his blood once he was returned from Jotunheim. A delayed sentence may have given rise to rioting."

"Well, I suppose I can be glad that it's over, then. He can't hurt anyone ever again."

"Least of all you," Maddie added.

"Yes, myself included," Lilith admitted. "Maddie?"

"What?"

"Who performed the healing that saved my life?"

And there it was- the worst question she could have asked. The one Maddie had dreaded most, as it required the greatest of lies. But she wasn't stupid, and she knew that if Lilith had been even the tiniest bit aware of what was happening that night, she would know that she'd had no ordinary help. Just as she knew Lilith would be tenacious enough to ask about it as soon as she was able. Maddie wished she could give her the honest answer, but Loki had forbidden anyone from mentioning that he had anything to do with Lilith in the past few weeks. Most definitely didn't want it said that he was present that night.

"I don't know," she tried first.

"You said you were at the house that night after Danethar had gone. How can you not know?"

"I arrived after the healing was performed, and in the confusion and rush to get you back to the palace for additional care, I didn't think to ask."

"Maddie," Lilith replied softly. "It's been four days since then. You can't tell me you haven't asked in the meantime."

"I honestly haven't. I assumed it was Berath. He was in the room when I got there."

"Berath? Forgive me, but let's be truthful. As gifted as he is as a healer, he simply does not have enough power to have accomplished so much alone."

"Julia was with him…"

"Who also does not have enough power, even combined with his. And that supposes that I wasn't aware that it was performed by a single person. So- who was it?"

"I don't know."

The woman eyed her again, clearly annoyed.

"Since you seem so set in lying, I'm going to assume you _do _know, but can't – or won't- tell me for some reason. Just like you won't tell me the truth about what happened to Ilsa."

"Lilith…"

"That's fine. But I'll keep asking. Eventually, someone is going to answer me."

_I hope you're ready for a fight, Loki, because I believe Lilith means it._

She was extremely nervous about this meeting, but Frigga knew she needed to talk to Lilith as soon as possible. It was her best chance to try to mend things between them after what happened with Danethar. Before Lilith had a chance to think too long on it and set herself against them. So she'd sent Julia back to the infirmary with a request to see Lilith if she was stable enough. Surprisingly, the reply came back almost instantly. Not only was she able to meet today, but she wished to do so in one of the private salons instead of in the infirmary.

A knock at the door heralded the anticipated arrival. Frigga called out for the attendant to open the door. Lilith followed the young man into the room, no hint of her thoughts on seeing each other again after so many months. With a quiet nod, Frigga dismissed the page and gestured to one of the other chairs.

"Please, Lilith, make yourself comfortable."

The woman made no move to sit, eyes seeming to burn and yet so distantly cold as they bored into her. She'd been mistaken; it was already far too late to mend things.

"You wished to see me?"

"Yes, well, I…" she felt herself stumbling at the ice in Lilith's tone. "I wanted to…"

"What? If you wanted news of my recovery you could have just as easily gotten that from Julia or Maddie."

"That wasn't why I called you here."

"No? To apologize, perhaps? With all due respect, Frigga, save your breath. I don't want it."

_We knew this was coming,_ Frigga thought in dismay. _None of us wanted to believe she would hate us this much, but we knew she would._

"I won't say that I don't have regrets about things where Danethar was concerned," she offered with as much sincerity as she could. "But I feel we need to discuss the future, Lilith."

"Meaning that you all expect me to forget that the Allfather gave me to a monster and that I should assimilate into the quietly unobtrusive life I'd had before all this started? You hope to pretend none of it ever happened? I sincerely hope you're not all so naïve as to believe I'll agree to that."

"No, Lilith, that's not what we expect. Please, won't you at least sit down to hear me out?"

A queer smile played over the woman's lips as she crossed the room and settled into a high-backed chair. Frigga found it thoroughly unnerving.

"Were doing this all backwards," Lilith said at last. "As I recall, the last time we spoke in a room like this one, it was I begging you to hear me out. Well, I suppose I can play the part of the disinterested listener just as easily as you did. Go on, Frigga. Tell me what you want me to consider. I promise I'll tell you I'll agree. Just don't expect me to follow through on it."

She supposed she deserved that, but the barb stung all the same. Frigga didn't try to justify what she had- or hadn't- done all those months ago. As Lilith already made quite clear, she didn't want to hear it. Instead, she launched into a speech she hoped sounded calm and reasonable.

"We've prepared a suite for your personal use here in the palace." At Lilith's arched look at the implication that she was expected to live in the palace, she quickly amended the offer to include an alternative. "But if you'd prefer to live somewhere else, that can be arranged."

"Another warrior looking for a wife?" she suggested bitterly. "Well, I hope he doesn't mind that I'd come second-hand."

"No, Lilith. If you remarry, that's your decision. And one no one would expect you to make for a long time. But in the meantime, where and how you live is your business. You need only to tell the Allfather or myself what you wish, and we will arrange it."

"Why?"

"You may not feel so, but you are and have always been family. Regrettably, we've not done our best by you lately, and are only trying to…"

"Buy off your guilt," Lilith finished for her. "Fine. What do I care the reasons behind your generosity. I'll take the suite until I decide where I want to go. Because you're right; I have no intentions of living here with all of you for the rest of my life. Perhaps not even in this city. Maybe getting as far away as I can will make it easier to live with what's been done. Maybe it won't. But if it's my choice, at least I won't have to bear the constant reminders if I'm gone from here."

Frigga tried not to let her distress show on her face. If Lilith left Asgard, she knew Loki would be devastated. Even the suggestion that she could leave the palace had been difficult to give. She hadn't anticipated that Lilith would take it _that_ far. But the offer was made and it was too late to take it back. Frigga hoped that they could thaw the woman's hatred for them before she made a decision.

_That will be up to my sons, I suspect. Nothing Odin or I say will do any good, so Thor and Loki will have to change her mind on their own._ She did not envy them the task.

"That is your decision, Lilith. But I would hope that you give some time before making it."

Lilith merely stared at her, expressionless and unreadable. The silence was almost unbearably painful before she spoke again.

"Are we done here, Frigga? Have you said what you brought me here to say?"

Defeated, she slumped slightly in her chair. Despite days of preparation, she just wasn't a match for Lilith's freezing anger.

"Yes."

"Good." Lilith rose slowly and glided to the door. Her hand paused on the handle before opening it. "I do have a question for you."

"You need only ask."

"Maddie told me Berda is dead, but wasn't able to tell me of Ilsa's fate. Have you any news of her?"

Her question was not any Frigga had expected, and she was both surprised and unprepared to answer it. Loki had been very specific that no one was to reveal the true identity of Lilith's personal maid. But he hadn't been overly helpful in providing them with acceptable answers in the event Lilith asked about Ilsa.

_Perhaps he didn't think she would._

Was it a good sign that Lilith _was_ asking about the woman? It showed she cared for Ilsa's welfare at least. Good sign or not, that didn't make it any easier to think of an answer. Frigga tried not to fidget in her seat as she tried to lie.

"I have not seen the woman in the palace in the past four days."

"Since the morning before my unfortunate domestic incident."

"Correct."

Lilith studied her, fingertips still resting lightly on the door handle. Her look was knowing, and she nodded at last.

"So it's not just Maddie. You know something, too. But you're just as unwilling to tell me what it is."

"Lilith…"

"Don't worry. I won't make you tell me. But I will find out. Rest assured- I _will_ find out what everyone is so avid to hide from me."

With that, she pulled open the door and left the room. Frigga let out a relieved sigh. She'd survived the meeting, and so did Loki's secret. But Lilith as just sworn- they wouldn't survive for long.

_I wish you the best of luck, son. You are going to need it._

Seeing Frigga had stirred up months of resentment I had always been careful to keep buried. I'd said things to the Queen that I would never have imagined saying before. Something about seeing her there today, trying to be all peacemaker about what happened and they'd just bubbled out of me like poisonous venom. Despite my surprise at the words I'd flung at her, though, it had felt good to say them. I was tired of feeling that my opinions and thoughts were secondary to everyone else's. I had a right to voice them.

_Must have been all those arguments with Ilsa these past few weeks. I finally got some practice at it and am ready to take that attitude when dealing with others- even the monarchs of Asgard._

Of course that thought only reminded me of the woman, whose fate no one seemed willing to tell me. That didn't necessarily mean the worst of news, but I was certain it didn't bode well, either. I was so distracted by my inner debate about Ilsa that I almost walked straight into Thor, who was turning the corner from the opposite direction. At the last second, I managed to check my stride and avoid the collision.

"Lilith!" he exclaimed. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to run into you."

"I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

We stared at one another in awkward silence before he found his voice again.

"It's good to see you up and about again, cousin. I had my worries about your recovery."

Some of my anger faded, soothed somewhat by the genuineness of Thor's demeanor. Frigga and Odin may have earned my wrath, but my cousin couldn't be held accountable for what they'd done. Granted, he wasn't entirely blameless. I was disappointed that he'd never seen the monster in Danethar before the Allfather gave me over to him. And that it had taken him so long to figure it out. But in these past few weeks, he'd honestly been trying to help. And that counted for something, so I found the barest of smiles for him.

"I'm sure it was questionable- especially early on."

"I take it you were in an audience with my mother?"

"Yes," I replied as the smile rapidly disappeared.

"Did it not go well?"

"Depends on who you ask, though I doubt the Queen would say it went according to how she envisioned it." His look was slightly confused and I shook my head. "Don't worry about it. What brings you to this part of the palace at this hour, anyway?"

"Oh- well, I thought I could show you to your suite. Stopped by the infirmary to tell Maddie that it was ready and she said you'd already left for the audience."

"Well, I suppose if it's ready, there's no sense in going back to the ward room again. Lead on, cousin."

"It's back this way," he motioned towards the way he'd come and turned on his heel.

I knew the palace fairly well, and wasn't entirely surprised when I recognized the route we were taking. My new suite was in the family wing. I just hoped not to run into Frigga or Odin often on account of it. After my chilly meeting with the Queen this morning, I saw little point in interacting with either of them unless absolutely necessary. We passed several closed doors until Thor stopped.

"Here we are."

I stared at the door handle, not sure whether I wanted to open it. Thor must have seen my hesitation.

"Is something wrong, cousin?"

"No," I lied and reached forward.

The doors opened inward to a spacious receiving room. My eyes roved the furnishings, not really seeing them or noting their high quality craftsmanship. Of course they would be the finest; Asgard's ruling family could afford it, and would accept nothing less. I was more interested in the large window and balcony that overlooked the city on the opposite wall. Long had it been since I'd seen Asgard from this vantage point.

On either side branched other rooms. A bedroom to the left and a private sitting room of some kind on the right. The bedroom had its own balcony as well, and though the furnishings were just as fine, it was decorated quite sparsely. Not much beyond the bed and a few other pieces. I puzzled over that for several minutes until Thor spoke up.

"They didn't want to do too much in here. Something about wanting to let you pick what you'd like best."

"I wouldn't know where to begin."

"Was there anything you wanted from your possessions in the house where…" his voice trailed off, unable to finish the sentence.

I suppose it was a natural question to ask. Most people would have had an attachment for things they'd grown accustomed to living with. But for myself, I couldn't think of anything in that place that I would want to keep as a reminder of that life. Well…except maybe one.

"I'd like my cello," I said at last.

"I could have it fetched here to the palace for you."

"No need," I declined, suddenly wanting to get away from this place and out into the open air. A walk would be just the thing, even if it meant I'd have to go back to that place. "I can get it myself."

"I'm not sure that's wise, cousin. The house is not in the best of states right now. There hasn't been time to clean up."

"Thor, I will be fine," I assured him as I made ready to leave the suite. He followed close behind.

"Well, if you insist upon going, I can at least accompany you."

I wasn't sure how to take in this new level of attention. When I'd been younger, I'd longed to be included as one of the family- even if it meant those irritating big brother-like moments where my cousins would drive me crazy with their overprotective antics. But after a lifetime of living without it, I'd gotten used to my lonely independence. If Thor was going to start with this _now_, I wasn't so sure I would think of these moments with such fondness as I'd previously envisioned. I eyed him warily.

"I don't have an option in this, do I?"

He looked hurt at first, but tried to hide it under a nonchalant shrug.

"If you'd rather go alone, I understand."

_Geez, it's as if I've kicked a puppy._ I sighed.

"That's not what I meant, cousin. I was only jesting that you seemed determined to play escort for the day, but I guess the tone didn't come off right."

"It's no trouble, Lilith- truly."

"Well, if you are so sure of that, then I'll let _you_ be the one to lug the cello all the way back."

We left the suite and the palace itself. On the way, neither of us said much. I suspected on his part, Thor was embarrassed to mention anything having to do with the past three months. For mine, I wasn't exactly used to long conversations with anyone, and had run out of small talk ideas. I hadn't been outside Danethar's house much to know what was going on in Asgard, so I couldn't even ask him about current events. All that we had was the one thing neither of us wanted to talk about. But we survived the walk to the house. I stared up at it for a few minutes before going inside. Immediately, I saw the bloodstain on the kitchen floor. Berda had lain there. She'd died on this floor just a few short days ago.

"Lilith?"

I twitched my shoulders and turned my attention to the stairs.

"I hope he suffered when the Allfather executed him," was all I could say. "She didn't deserve to die like that."

He wanted to say something, but must have decided against it. So we crossed the room and headed upstairs. I didn't look at the parlor, already knowing what it would show me. The blood on the hallway carpet on the other hand- that wasn't so easily ignored. In broad daylight, it told an unpleasant story of the journey to Danethar's bedroom. Luckily, I didn't have to go that far to get what I came for, nor had I any intention of seeing the aftermath of what he had done with lucid eyes. I needed no new details to add to the memories I already carried.

The conservatory was in one piece when I opened the door. During the last part of our walk here I'd been struck with the worry that Danethar had trashed it out of spite, but I guess he hadn't the time before trying to escape Asgard. My cello was in its stand next to the piano, just where I'd left it days ago. Despite having come for the former, I couldn't help thinking about the latter. I recalled the day Ilsa had played for me, and the duet she'd taught me. And that one morning when I'd stumbled upon her playing alone. I laid my fingers on its highly polished surface and frowned slightly.

"Did you want the piano, too?"

"I…" I hesitated, not sure what I wanted. Far better to just let those thoughts go, so I tried to make light of it with a shrug. "I'm not sure how practical that would be. It might be easier to have it sold or donated to someone living around here instead."

Thor came up to stand next to me. I glanced at him from the corner of my eye, noting his serious expression.

"If you want it in your suite, we'll have it brought there."

I thought again of the few times Ilsa had played it for me. The garden was gone, and she might be, too. This was all I had left to remember that strange time we'd shared.

"I think I do," I whispered softly, closing the lid to protect its ivory keys.

"I'll arrange for it, then," he promised. "You'll have it in a few days, at the most."

"Thank you." I turned away from the piano to retrieve the cello. "Well, at least this won't be as hard to transport."

"Would you rather I carried it? I'll be careful."

"I believe that was part of the deal of letting you come with me."

"And there's nothing else you wanted?" he prompted.

"Nothing. The Allfather may sell all of it or dispose of everything as he sees fit."

"Technically the house belongs to you with Danethar's death. It's yours to do with as you wish."

I cast my eyes around the room and thought of what I wanted most for this place.

"Everything will be given away. Preferably to those who'd need it most," I said at last. "As for the house…I want it razed to the ground."

Thor's eyebrows shot up in surprise at the swift change in my tone. He paused mid-step and turned to me.

"I understand why you might say that, cousin, but the house could be renovated and sold. Or rented out to another Asgardian family."

"I mean what I say. Razed. To the ground," I repeated before continuing with any explanation. "Do you think any woman is going to want to live here, Thor? I'm sure by now the whole city knows what happened. Even if they've only heard half- or less than half- of the truth, this house will be forever haunted by its sordid history. Demolish it and build something else atop this land. That is what I would have done."

I walked on ahead, leaving him behind to think on what I'd said. When at last Thor caught up to me he seemed to have made up his mind.

"I can see your point. If that's your decision, it can be done. But you may need to bring that up with the Allfather beforehand for his approval."

_Won't that be a fun conversation? _I mused drily. _But one way or another, I'll see that house destroyed brick by brick. Even if the Allfather is unwise enough to deny me his approval._

I made no comment about that to Thor and shrugged.

"I'm sure there will be time for those discussions another day. For now, I'm ready to go."

"As am I, cousin. As am I."

This was it. Lilith was finally awake and in minutes, she'd be here…in the same room. Aside from the hours he'd spent in the dungeons torturing Danethar, Loki had thought of little else since returning from Jotunheim yesterday. Or at least from the moment Maddie had assured him that the healers would release Lilith from her healing sleep. True to her word, the woman had done just that this morning.

_And you've spent all day hiding in the library where no one would find you,_ he mocked himself.

Sadly, all too true. After a restless night wavering between wanting Lilith to see him…and dreading that she would…he'd been too nervous to risk running into her all day. Especially not after he'd heard about the audience with his mother. Frigga hadn't been very descriptive in what happened, but Loki could tell it hadn't gone well.

_Thor seemed to have better luck, _he recalled grimly. _From what little he said, Lilith wasn't hostile around him._

But although his brother's luck may have been different, he was just as closed-mouthed about the encounter as Frigga had been. All Loki had gotten out of him was that she'd gone back to the house for a few things and then had excused herself to her suite for the rest of the afternoon. Neither of them had been back to that place since the night they'd gone to rescue Lilith, and he wondered how Thor had reacted to seeing it again. He wondered how Lilith had reacted to it, point of fact. In any case, his brother had managed to convince Lilith to come to dinner, before she'd disappeared into her private apartments. Loki was surprised that she'd agreed; he expected she wanted little to do with such a formal affair today.

A door opened, catching his attention. Through them walked Lilith, who surveyed the room and everyone present. Loki's breath caught when her eyes passed over him, half-fearing that she'd recognize Ilsa in his features. He wasn't sure if he was relieved or disappointed that her gaze was impassive. And then it moved onto Odin and he saw it change. _Relieved it is,_ he told himself as the most terrifying anger darkened those sapphire pools. _I much prefer indifference to _that_ reaction._ The Allfather in his great wisdom, decided not to offer any greeting to Lilith, letting Thor do that instead.

"Welcome, cousin. Have you settled into your apartments?"

She dragged her focus away from Odin.

"As much as could be accomplished, I suppose."

"Have a seat; I think they were about to bring in dinner."

Lilith considered the available options, and chose a seat nearer to Loki's end of the table. He suspected it had more to do with keeping distance from Frigga and the Allfather than with him. Did she even notice he was here? And then as if she'd heard his thoughts, Lilith turned to him.

"Prince- it's been a long while since I last saw you. Have you been enjoying Asgard over the past few months?"

That formal tone very nearly destroyed him, but Loki reminded himself that to her they were akin to strangers who'd barely met a handful of times. He couldn't expect her to treat him the same way as she had when he was 'Ilsa'. Nor could he let on that he knew her in such a familiar way. So as difficult as it was, he returned her question with the same formality.

"I have, actually. Asgard in the summer is not to be missed."

She nodded and returned her attention to the plate set before her by one of the servants. For several minutes, his was the last remark made as everyone ate in somewhat strained silence. Only when the first course had been cleared away did Odin venture to say anything to her.

"Thor tells me that you went to your former home today- I hope that you found what you were seeking."

Lilith's expression froze into a mask of cold fury, and she set her fork down with exaggerated care. Loki thought she may be resisting the urge to drive it into the Allfather, judging by how tightly she had been gripping it. She said nothing for a few seconds, and then tilted her head slightly forward as she continued to stare at the Allfather.

"That place was never my home- former or otherwise."

_It's a wonder the water in the glasses didn't freeze in the chill from her voice,_ he mused absently. As for the Allfather- he was visibly uncomfortable by her reproach.

"A poor choice of words," he admitted humbly. "But you did find what you were looking for?"

"Oh yes," she replied in a tone that suggested danger. They were about to regret that Odin had asked that question, he was sure of it. "I found the dried pool of blood that told me where Berda died. And let me see…I believe the parlor was still in a sorry state. I'm afraid the fireplace may need a new poker for the coals; the one that came with it is slightly bent now. I guess it just wasn't up to the challenge of being used as a club."

Odin thought he might try to interrupt, but Lilith kept going.

"The blood spatter in the hallway was still there, too, as I recall. Wouldn't have wanted to forget having been dragged through it. After all, I was only half-conscious at that point. I must say that they stood out much brighter than some of the others from the past few months. I almost wonder if that carpet is more blood than dye by now. Only so much of it comes out after a good scrubbing. Berda could tell you that…well, no, I suppose she _can't_. I guess you'll have to take my word for it."

"Lilith…" Odin finally managed in a strangled tone.

"What's the matter, Allfather? You asked me if I'd found what I was looking for. Perhaps you should be grateful I went only so far as the conservatory, or I might have had to recount what I'd have been looking for in Danethar's room. If you have no wish to hear such things, next time you should be more cautious in the questions you ask."

_Gods, what hatred she has for him_, he thought in horror. Truly and absolutely hated the Allfather- more than Loki had _ever _hated anything. Given the opportunity, he wondered if she might actually murder the King of Asgard. _And if she's that angry with _him_…what will she think of _me_ when she finds out the truth?_

As Lilith resumed eating, leaving the rest of the table in stunned silence, he couldn't deny the temptation to keep that terrible secret to himself forever. Let her hate Odin and Frigga; save himself that same fate. But after a few covert glances at her, Loki sighed inwardly. He knew he would tell Lilith the truth eventually, despite how terrified he was. She deserved no less, and he couldn't see himself worthy of her if he couldn't do that much.


	24. Chapter 23: Common Interests

"So that was fun," Thor commented as they left the dining hall.

Loki darted an incredulous look at his brother, his footsteps immediately slowing to a full stop in the torch-lit corridor. They had been two of the last to leave for the evening, and the hour was very late. Likely why his brother felt it safe to say anything about how the evening had gone. Unlikely that anyone would hear them. And for the same reason, Loki gave his opinion in response.

"You _can't_ be serious. Or didn't you witness one of the most unpleasant meals this palace has ever known? Ask Odin- I'm sure _he_ remembers all too clearly how Lilith gutted him with her verbal knife."

"Okay, so she's a bit upset right now…"

"Upset? Thor, that was a long step past 'upset'. Try furious and _maybe_ you'll get close to an accurate description."

"At Mother and Father," his brother pointed out. "But not at either of us."

"Not yet," Loki added in a funereal tone. "But what do you expect will happen once she knows the truth? Perhaps you'll still escape her rage, but me…"

"Loki…"

He watched the shadows flicker on the stone walls, not wanting to discuss any of the thoughts that had passed through his mind all through the evening as he'd watched Lilith. After her initial speech, Odin hadn't dared speak to her again. Nor had anyone else, and certainly not Loki. Gods, they had hardly spoken to one another. The silence had given him time to realize that he may have brought her back from the point of death, but that didn't mean she was going to be the same person he'd known over the past few weeks. Danethar may have tortured her one time too many. Loki was reminded of the taunting words he'd said to himself so long ago when he'd just barely begun all this.

_Exact revenge upon the warrior if that's what you think you want. But be careful, or he may be the one to get revenge on you first._

_Please don't let it have come to that_, he pleaded.

"Brother?" Thor asked, clearly worried by his long silence.

"Lilith will despise me- perhaps even more than either of them."

"You can't know that for sure."

"Perhaps not, but I can make an educated guess."

"So what- are you giving up?"

"No," he replied stubbornly, scuffing his feet on the floor as they resumed walking.

"Well all right, then. So what's the point in worrying about how Lilith will or will not react when you tell her the full story? You're just going to make yourself miserable, and possibly for no reason."

Loki didn't want to admit it, but that speech had to be one of the most intelligent things Thor had ever said to him. He definitely didn't want to admit that the warrior was right. Far easier to let worry and doubt paralyze him. Then when he failed with Lilith as he expected, he had an excuse to point to why it wasn't his fault. Actually making an effort to become close to her, knowing that whether that worked or not she might still hate him in the end, was daunting- if not soul-crushing. But he'd be damned if he let himself be so weak as to let that fear keep him from what he wanted.

"I know you're right."

"But?"

He swept a sharp eye around them, wanting to be absolutely sure that they were alone before he continued with his next worry. One that was as serious as the first. _I can't believe I'm even talking to _Thor _of all people about any of this._ But it was too late not to, since he'd already kicked the first stone down the mountain.

"Suppose Lilith's not interested in giving me a chance? What if we're doomed to making formal, polite conversation and nothing else?"

"You're overthinking things, Brother. It's not even the end of the first day and already you're putting up so many blockades in your way. Truly, I wonder if your intelligence gets the better of you sometimes."

"I am not and it does not. Both of those concerns are perfectly natural. After what happened with Danethar and what she knows of _my _history, she might not want anything to do with me."

"She's a smart woman, Loki. And if you're that worried, I can try putting in a good word for you. Lilith knows I wouldn't if I didn't think you deserved a chance."

He was almost tempted to take Thor up on that offer. _Oh gods, how sad is that?_ Rather than admit that he might need his brother's help convincing Lilith, Loki pushed on to his next worry.

"What if she recognizes me as 'Ilsa' before I've had a chance to make any progress?"

"I didn't, until mother told me. And she only knew on account of the stories from Julia and Maddie."

"You saw my disguise- you can't deny that put side by side, Ilsa could pass for a cousin or sister of mine. Maybe you and mother didn't see it right away, but you saw 'Ilsa' once or twice. Not almost every day for several weeks like Lilith did. And between you and me, I can tell you that she definitely picked up some of my signature mannerisms and personality. You think she won't pick up on that when she sees me now?"

"You're impossible," Thor replied, exasperated. As they climbed the spiraling stairs to the upper levels of the palace he spoke up again. "Anyway, I think you ought to be more concerned that she's been asking questions about Ilsa."

"She's what?" he demanded, nearly missing a step.

"From what I've heard, Lilith asked Maddie and Mother both about what happened to Ilsa. On the way back from the house, she even asked me."

His pulse raced at the unexpected turn in the conversation. Blood pounded in his ears, and Loki thought the ground might have dropped out from under him for a minute. Lilith was asking after Ilsa- but why? After the way they'd parted, he expected her to want nothing to do with the woman. Or to care what became of her. If she _was_ asking, Loki worried that it wasn't a good omen. Did she want to see Ilsa punished for the part she played in what Danethar had done to her? He wouldn't blame her for that.

"What did you say to her," he demanded once his voice obeyed him.

"The same as everyone else. I haven't seen her since the morning of Danethar's attack on her, or heard of where she is."

"I suppose that's safe enough for now, but I'll have to come up with something more concrete."

"Yeah, and quickly."

Alarmed by Thor's tone, Loki shot him a worried look. "Why quickly?"

"Because she didn't believe us, that's why."

"How hard could it be to convince her of something that simple?"

"It would have been if she'd started with me or mother. Neither one of us told her that we knew Ilsa's true name. Apparently, Maddie did- four days ago before Danethar beat the daylights out of her."

_No_, he moaned inwardly. _No, please no. I'm utterly finished if the healer actually told Lilith it was me all along._ He dreaded Thor's answer, but knew he had to ask.

"She didn't say what that name was…did she?"

"No," Thor assured him. "Lilith was rather…well, she was not happy to find out about 'Ilsa's' chat with Maddie and stormed off without letting the woman say much of anything. But from what the healer told me, Lilith already suspected Ilsa was just an alias for someone else."

So not everything was lost, but this surely complicated things more than he liked. Loki didn't want to resurrect his disguise as 'Ilsa', but if Lilith wouldn't drop her questions, he might not have a choice. Or he might have to invent a story of the maid's death to silence the matter. Though the latter would be easier in the short-term, it would be one more lie he'd have to confess later. And since he had more than enough of those already, Loki didn't want to add another if he could avoid it.

"Well, that's just great," he muttered half under his breath. "The last thing I need is for Lilith to call a manhunt for a person who doesn't even exist. She must be truly angry to trouble herself this much over it."

Thor was thoughtful, saying nothing as they arrived at the top of the stairs. They came to the family wing and had stopped before Thor's door before he said anything. Loki would have preferred to have finished the conversation before arriving here, worried that Lilith may overhear it if they spoke too loudly. Thor was not known for having an 'indoor' voice. Hoping to remind him to be cautious, he put a finger to his lips and nodded towards Lilith's suite. His brother followed his look and turned back to Loki.

"Oh she's angry," he replied in a low voice. "But I don't think it's with 'Ilsa'. She's upset no one is willing to tell her what happened. While she was giving me Hel over it this afternoon, she told me she thinks Danethar killed 'Ilsa' and we're keeping it from her."

"Did she sound…" Loki began, then trailed off. He tried again, this time phrasing the question in another way. "How did she sound when she said she thought 'Ilsa' was dead?"

"Don't ask me to decode the mysteries of female thinking, Brother."

"If you could tell she was angry about your answer, you could tell what she thought about that, too."

"Look, I don't know. She was all quiet when she said it. That's all I can tell you. If you want to know what it means, you're going to have to ask Lilith yourself, Loki."

With that, Thor opened his door and left him standing alone in the empty hallway. As he continued a little ways down to his own suite, Loki pondered on what his brother had told him. It had given him just enough hope to think that maybe Lilith didn't completely hate 'Ilsa'. Or if she did, it wasn't the only thing she felt.

_If she doesn't hate 'Ilsa' for what she did, maybe I do stand a chance._

He passed Lilith's suite and wondered if she were there. Didn't dare knock on the door to find out. Instead, he went straight across the hall to his apartment. An hour later, he emerged from the bathing room, showered and exhausted from the stress of the day. With any hope, he'd sleep soundly and start tomorrow ready to face Lilith.

Another day; another morning. I awoke fairly early, despite getting little sleep last night. But no point dwelling on that. It was a bright summer day and the first of many ahead of me that no longer included Danethar. _Meaning I am free to enjoy things he took from me these past few months_, I thought. _I know just the ones I want to start with._

Drawing the lightweight coverlet back, I slipped out of bed and walked to the wardrobe. Yesterday, I'd just worn whatever I had on when I woke up in the infirmary, but today, I was hoping to find something more my style. Lucky for me, someone must have sent out for a complete array of clothes for me in the days I'd been unconscious. The tall mahogany wardrobe full of just about anything I could want to wear- all in my size. I guessed Frigga was likely behind it, but even that did not begin to thaw my anger with Asgard's Queen.

My eyes skimmed over the clothes until I saw what I was looking for. A loose-fitting tunic made of burgundy linen and a pair of charcoal grey leggings. As I shrugged out of what I'd worn to bed last night and put them on, I felt a sense of satisfaction at not having to wear a dress for once. Maybe in a few months I'd be happy to wear one again, but for a while, no one was going to see me donning one. Grabbing some socks and a pair of low-heeled black boots, I stuffed my feet into them and headed for the bathing room to run a brush through my hair. Couldn't leave the apartment with it all snarled from sleeping…or not sleeping, as it were.

From there, I had one destination in mind: the palace library. After three months, I felt almost starved by the desire to read something again. If I hadn't been preoccupied with other obligations from the second Maddie woke me yesterday, I'd have spent most of it there. No stupid meetings with Frigga today, so I was going to visit with my old friends who'd been my source of companionship growing up in the palace. The heavy wooden doors moved silently on their great hinges as I pushed them open. Before me lay the immense collection of Asgard's library.

_Home at last_, I thought with a contented sigh.

I stepped inside and immediately began a slow circuit of the enormous room. Or I suppose it would be better described as an enclave of rooms joined by passages and archways. Everywhere, shelves stretched well above my head; to reach the top, one needed a ladder. Here and there, a niche or corner would provide a place to sit and read. Sometimes all they contained was a chair and a lamp, while others were large enough for long research tables. I remembered days when I'd been in school and we'd come here for our lessons.

Meandering through the library took me well over an hour, just enjoying the feeling of being back here once more. At last, I found myself in a section I remembered better than any other. Which had been my destination all long, I suppose. I smiled as I entered the shelves housing the library's collection of Midgardian literature. The books seemed to welcome me back, as if I'd belonged with them and had only been away visiting some other place.

"Where should I begin?" I wondered aloud.

My voice echoed faintly in the quiet emptiness of the room. I was not surprised by- and had in fact been hoping for- the solitude. Few people would be here at this hour, or at all, really. Most Asgardians kept to the public libraries in the city rather than trek all the way to the palace. And as for the ruling family, I knew I would have little to worry in that direction. Rarely did Thor or Frigga step foot here, and even Odin preferred to have books fetched to his chambers rather than to come here himself. That left just one: Loki.

_I suppose now that he's once again free of the dungeons, I might have to share this place with him._

It had been a long time since I'd had any involvement- even marginally- with the Allfather's adopted son from Jotunheim. In the years before I'd been parceled off to Danethar, he'd been trying to take over Midgard…or was idling away the time in a prison cell. Before that, any number of things had kept his focus away from where I hid among the books. I'd have to reach back decades to recall a time we'd run into one another here, and even those encounters were brief. Little more than a nod to one another as we crossed paths. If that.

_Let's hope it stays that way. I came here to be alone, so the last thing I need is to have _him_ complicate everything._

No sign of the God of Mischief, though. So for the time being, I was safe. And even if he _did_ come to the library, I doubted he'd come to _this_ section. No, the young student who'd appreciated knowledge of all origin was long gone in the man he'd become since. And while I'd known the former only briefly and very distantly, I couldn't help thinking that his demise was an unfortunate loss. Not just for Loki himself, but for Asgard as a whole. _Nothing I can do about that, even if I wanted to_.

Trying to clear out thoughts of Loki from my head, I found some of my favorite books. Shelf upon shelf of fantasy and science fiction. I loved the classics written by authors like Shakespeare and Poe, too, but these books drew me time and time again. I frowned as I noticed that someone must have rearranged the titles since I'd last been here. I found one of my favorite authors shelved down near my feet instead of eye level. So I sank to the floor, sitting cross-legged while facing the neat row of tomes. My eyes lit up as I spied the one I was searching for, and I drew it onto my lap.

For several minutes, I perused the story I knew almost by heart, immersed in the struggles of its characters- good and bad. But as I continued reading, a strange feeling came over me. The sensation of sitting here, just like this with a heavy book balanced on my knees. Instead of a quiet morning, though, my mind conjured the image of a room bustling with activity around me. Voices calling to one another; boxes carried to and fro. And there I was oblivious to it all, having made a fort of them around me to pretend I was one of the characters in the story.

_"Well, my darlin'- another pirate adventure? Or back to a story of princes and witches?"_ I recalled a laughing male voice asking from overhead. I'd looked up from my book at him with a smile.

_"Pirates today, Papa. Can we see a pirate ship one day?"_

_ "I'm afraid we don't have those here in Asgard, sweetheart."_

_ "But they've got 'em in Midgard. Can't I go with you and mama next time to see one? Just this once?"_

_ "Not yet," he said and lifted me out of the box fort._

I could picture him clearly. A tall man with reddish-blonde hair curling to his shoulders and grey eyes. How safe and…happy…I'd felt in his arms back then. How could I have forgotten him? My father had been in the palace- in this very spot. Why? I tried to bring more of the memory to focus, but nothing came to me. One burst of clarity and gone again. Overcome by a sense of melancholy, I closed the book and sat staring down the aisle of bookshelves.

"I appreciate your coming to see me, Maddie," Frigga said as the healer sat down across from her. "After what I saw at dinner last night, I thought it best if you and I had a frank discussion about Lilith's emotional state."

"I believe you are wise to be concerned," she answered thoughtfully. "She is a troubled woman, though through no fault of her own."

"I don't know about troubled, but she certainly is angry."

"A natural coping mechanism, and the easiest for Lilith to deal with right now."

"She frightens me," Frigga admitted, somewhat embarrassed. "I was hesitant to leave my chambers this morning for fear that she may see me in the hall."

Maddie tented her fingertips before her, tapping her index fingers together as she studied Frigga. She wondered why the healer was taking so long to reply. The more time passed, the more uncomfortable she became. The stuffy air in the salon wasn't helping. Frigga wondered if it would help to open the window, but didn't want to get up. Just as she had made up her mind to go do it, though, Maddie spoke.

"If you fear physical harm, I wouldn't think Lilith would go _that_ far. But if she doesn't face her inner demons soon, I could see violence as a possibility."

"I hadn't really considered…" she trailed off. "You really think Lilith could _harm_ one of us?"

"I was thinking it more likely she'd hurt herself. However, underestimating her is not a chance I'd want to take. Don't push her or you might find out she _is_ capable of something that extreme."

Unsettled by that thought, she tried to circle the conversation back to a direction she had expected it to take.

"Odin and I were most concerned about her verbal outbursts."

"Yes, I heard this morning from one of the cook's assistants about Lilith's speech last night. In truth, I was not surprised to hear it."

Not good. No matter how she might try to curtail gossip, the servants were going to spread tales of dinner like wildfire. Frigga had hoped to keep the matter sheltered from the public as much as she could. In part to spare Lilith the exposure to unwanted questions and curiosity, but also to keep control of the damaging effect it would have on her- and Odin's- reputation. Too many scenes like last night and the worst would come out.

"As I was saying a moment ago," Maddie continued despite Frigga's silence. "You have bigger worries than violence. Lilith can do far greater harm with her words if she's of the mind to cause trouble for the Allfather."

"What do you mean?"

"When I spoke to her yesterday morning, she was keenly aware that the Allfather has turned a blind eye to the abuses of men like Danethar. She doesn't know why, but that won't stop her from telling people her opinion of his lack of response to the problem. With the right words in the right places, she could spark a revolt."

"I see," Frigga replied slowly, becoming ever more distressed by the conversation. "I suppose we could keep her confined until she's past the worst of…" she shook her head. "No, that's really not the answer."

"No, it's not."

"Do you have any suggestions?"

Maddie hummed a low note to herself while leaning back in her chair. As if hoping to gather inspiration from the ceiling, she tipped her head upwards to stare at it. Frigga found it difficult to be patient, but she allowed the healer time to think.

"What she really needs is someone to talk to. Someone she trusts and feels she can open up with about what happened. Once she starts talking and actually _dealing_ with her feelings, the rage will lessen, I think."

"And just who do we get for such a task? Certainly won't be me, and it sounds like she won't talk to you, either."

"Sadly, no. I tried yesterday, but Lilith shut me out almost immediately."

"And while Lilith was pleasant enough around Thor, I don't see her confiding in _him_. Even if I thought my son would have the ability to navigate such a complex conversation."

"I agree with you there as well."

"Then who…?"

"You may be surprised, but my first choice would be Ilsa," Maddie finished Frigga's half-answered question. "She seemed highly agitated when I wouldn't tell her what happened to the woman. I think if she were to 'visit' the palace, Ilsa would get Lilith to talk about Danethar."

A pit formed in the depths of Frigga's stomach and sank. Of course Ilsa would be the most obvious candidate. But she had a feeling that Loki was not inclined to don that disguise again. Not if he hoped to spend time with Lilith as himself. The longer he continued with the charade of a serving maid, the less likely he'd ever win her over in his true form. She shook her head.

"Loki will never agree to it, even if he thought it might help her."

"You never know if you don't ask," the healer prompted.

"Fair enough, but I believe he's convinced himself to do away with his deception as much as he can where she's concerned. I just don't see him taking the gamble that returning as Ilsa will ultimately hurt his chances with her."

"Aye, I know what the Prince hopes to do. But _no one _will have a chance with her if all that pain and emotional scarring is left to fester. I only ask that you at least put the suggestion to him and let him decide what is most important. If Loki truly cares for her, I think he'll know how to answer."

Frigga sighed.

"All right, Maddie. I'll ask him."

Loki had been waiting at his door for over an hour, hoping to hear signs of Lilith leaving her suite. Yesterday, he'd been plagued by cowardice, but today he was determined to start his plan of getting close to her. Of course, he couldn't do that if she stayed in her suite all day. So Loki prayed that some intervention of fate would bring her out into the hall.

The gods must have been looking favorably upon his prayers, for no sooner had he made them, the door opposite his cracked open. Loki waited a full minute before entering the hallway, just to be sure Lilith was far enough away she wouldn't notice him. Trying to meet here would feel more like a confrontation; best to choose somewhere less formal. If he were lucky maybe she'd visit the gardens. Or maybe that might be a mistake. Too likely that she might recognize him as 'Ilsa' out there. He couldn't decide what would give him the best advantage. Then again, it was a moot point; Loki was at the mercy of wherever Lilith chose to go.

He dogged her steps as she passed through the hallways of the palace, doing his best not to make it obvious to anyone who might be passing by. Often, that required him to take an alternate route that would still put him in the same place. A few times, he'd had to back track and locate her again, losing precious time. All the while, he kept berating himself that he ought to just catch up to her and get the worst of this over with. Couldn't do it. He just couldn't. Loki hated himself for his lack of courage, but kept following. Eventually he'd see the right moment and take it.

Near the end of Lilith's journey, Loki figured out where she was headed. The library- he should have guessed. No more Neanderthal husband who forbade her from reading books with his threats of violence. As happy as he was for her sake that she could once again explore this particular passion, he was just as happy for himself. It was an opportunity for Loki to connect with her through an interest they hadn't shared when he'd been 'Ilsa'. He glanced around to be sure no one was looking, then ducked into the library. Lilith had gone in a little while ago, so if he was going to make this happen, now was the time for it.

_If I can even _find_ her in here,_ he muttered to himself. _She would pick the hardest place to keep track of someone, wouldn't she?_

The rooms housing Asgard's greatest collection of books and scrolls was built like a labyrinth. Many a visiting scholar had gotten hopelessly lost in the maze of shelves and hidden rooms. Not Loki, though. This was his domain in the palace. Where Thor had taken to arms, he'd mastered the written word. Loki knew every inch of the library. And if he were to guess where Lilith might have gone to first, he'd say he'd find her browsing amongst the shelves of Midgardian literature.

Avoiding the winding routes that would take him out of his way, Loki used a shortcut through the shelves that brought him to the spot he'd been looking for. Loki peered around the corner and saw her. Oddly enough, Lilith hadn't chosen to read in one of the nearby overstuffed leather chairs. No, she was sitting on the floor, a large book in her lap. But at the moment she didn't seem to be reading it, eyes fixed somewhere off in the distance. She kept on for several minutes, a sadly troubled look on her face. With a deep breath, Loki took the opportunity to approach.

"Lady Lilith, are you well?"

She started, dropping the book on the floor as she turned to see who'd spoken. He took it as a good sign when her only reaction was one of surprise when she saw it was him.

"Oh! Yes, Prince, I'm actually…" she groped blindly for the book while still looking up at him. It slid away from her on the polished stone floor and she cursed under her breath before finishing her answer. "Just, um, fine."

And now they were staring at one another in awkward silence. Not a promising start, by his way of thinking. _Say something, you idiot_.

"Good. I mean, I came by and you were just sitting there, so I just wanted to check."

"Why?"

"Why?"

"Yes, that's what I asked. Forgive me, but I didn't think you cared overmuch about, well…other people."

_Ouch_. Loki knew he should expect- and fully deserve- that, but it still hurt. _At least Lilith didn't say it in the accusing tone I usually get from everyone. _She was definitely wary of his intentions, but more than that, she seemed genuinely confused. Loki thought of many ways he could answer, all of them with a designed purpose to manipulate her into thinking more favorably of him. With a shrug, he chose the honest one and hoped he wasn't making a mistake.

"Most people don't care overmuch about me, either. It's not the best incentive to reciprocate."

"No," she agreed slowly. "I suppose not. But that still doesn't answer my original question."

"I suppose I was curious."

"Well, thanks for asking, but I really am okay. I was just reading and a strange thought struck me, that's all."

Lilith made another grab for the book, this time rewarded with success. She stowed it carefully in the crook of her left arm and braced against the shelf to stand. Loki had to stop himself from offering to help. If she was wary about a simple question, that would arouse only greater suspicion. He kept his expression polite and took advantage of the opening she'd given him to continue the conversation.

"Oh? What sort of thought?"

"Nothing I'd wager would be all that interesting to you, Prince."

_Oh that has to change right now. I'll never get anywhere if she keeps calling me that._

"Loki," he corrected her. "You really don't have to keep calling me 'Prince'."

Instead of answering him, Lilith furrowed her brow and searched the room, as if looking for something. After a minute, her eyes came back to him, and she shifted her weight from one foot to the other.

"I _am_ awake, right?" She asked at last. "This isn't just more of Maddie's sedation treatment where I _think_ I'm awake, but really I'm still asleep in the infirmary?"

"No, you're definitely awake."

"Okay, then I'll just chalk this up to one of the weirdest days I've ever had. And it's not even noon yet."

"You call my brother by name, right?"

"Well, yes, but…"

"Then why is it weird to do the same for me?"

"Because until this morning we haven't ever had a single conversation- unless you want to count classroom discussions when we were young. And that was a _really_ long time ago."

He hadn't been prepared for that response, and almost found himself laughing at the memory of those bygone days. Hardly anyone remembered that part of his life, always focused on his recent exploits. Until recently, so had he, if he were honest. It was good to be reminded of that time. Especially in hearing that Lilith remembered it. Remembered _him_, more importantly.

"What?" she asked him anxiously.

"Nothing- I just hadn't thought of those days in forever."

"Exactly my point. So yeah, I'd definitely see this as something out of the ordinary."

"That doesn't mean you can't use my name, though."

"Once you want something, you don't give up, do you?" she asked with a sigh.

_Lilith, you have no idea how right you are. So you keep this in mind when we finally get around to what I truly want._

"No, I don't."

"And this is important?"

"Very."

Lilith folded the book to her chest and studied him for a minute or two. Each second felt like an eternity to Loki. He had no idea what she was thinking or what she'd decide. Probably should have explained why…but then he would have said too much.

"All right," she conceded at last. "If it's important."

Nothing more than that. Lilith asked for no explanation- just that it was something important to him. She by no means trusted him, but he was encouraged that she saw around that in this matter. Tempting to push his luck and see what else she'd agree to if he said it was 'important'. But Loki knew better than to do anything that foolish. He flashed a brief smile.

"Thank you, Lady-"

"If I'm going to use your name, then you're using mine," she interrupted him- just as he was hoping she would. "So let's just drop that 'Lady' business. I'm Lilith. Just Lilith."

"Well, _just_ Lilith, I was wondering- what book had your interest so captivated that you didn't even make it to a chair only five feet away?"

She glanced down in front of her to the volume she was holding so close. From his angle, he couldn't see its title, which was probably on the cover facing her. Lilith's eyes rose again, and she released the book so that he could almost see the gilded lettering on the front.

"Oh, this?"

"Yes. It's been a while since I've been to this part of the library, and it appears you might be the right person to make a recommendation where to begin."

"Books? You want to talk with _me_ about books? _Midgardian _books?"

"Why not?"

Another strange look passed across her face, and for a moment, he feared that he'd gone too far. Had she recognized him? For the umpteenth time since yesterday morning, he found himself hoping not. Then the look faded. Lilith shrugged.

"Why not, indeed. Let's see how weird we can make this day, Loki."

Thor paced the hallway, wondering where in the nine realms his brother had gotten to today. No one had seen him since this morning. Nor had anyone seen Lilith. He hoped Loki hadn't done anything reckless. After their conversation last night, he worried that his brother may have been desperate enough to use some of his old tricks on her to keep her from hating him.

_Never should have told him she was asking questions about Ilsa,_ he told himself. _That seemed to make matters worse._

He was about to make the hundredth pass down the hall when he spotted Loki…and Lilith. They were walking towards him, but neither seemed to notice Thor at all, too preoccupied with their discussion about…well, something. The point was the two of them were talking, and Lilith didn't have that spine chilling edge in her voice she'd had last night at dinner.

_Good for you, Brother. Good for you._

Of course, if he didn't interrupt them soon, they'd walk right into him. Thor cleared his throat loudly to get their attention. Lilith's footsteps slid to a stop, and Loki's did the same. The latter did not appear to be overly happy to see him. Thor wasn't sure whether his news would change that opinion for better or worse.

"Were you looking for us, cousin," Lilith asked finally.

"I was, actually. The arrangements for your request yesterday were made more quickly than I thought. It's already here."

"Really? So soon?"

"Downstairs as we speak. Which was why I was looking for my brother. Loki- you wouldn't mind helping me bring up something we fetched from the house, would you?"

"Oh, but I'm sure he's got other things to…"

"I'd be happy to," Loki cut in. "Downstairs, you said?"

"Yeah, at the front entrance."

"But," Lilith protested again.

"We'll be right back, cousin. All you have to do is direct and well get it where you want it."

She stood bemused and somewhat dumbfounded as they walked back the way she and Loki had come a moment earlier. Once they were out of earshot, his brother sided a curious look to him.

"So what is this you had brought for her?"

"Don't hate me too much for dragging you into this, but it's the piano from the music room." Loki stopped so quickly Thor had to back up a few steps. "What? She said she wanted it, so what else was I going to say?"

"It's not that," he said with a shake of his head. "I was just…surprised she wanted it. Lilith really said that?"

"Pretended she didn't at first, but even as clueless as I am about women, I could see she did. So I sure hope you have some sort of magic incantation that can make getting it upstairs easier, or this is going to be a long trip."

"Yeah, sure," Loki assured him in a distracted way. But since Thor didn't feel like prying anything out of him right now, he didn't try asking again what his brother's problem was about the piano.

"Music to my ears," he joked. "Now let's get going."

They arrived a short time later in the downstairs entrance, and sure enough there sat the piano. Loki whispered some enchantment over it and the whole thing floated a few inches off the floor, supported by a pillow of green mist. All the two of them needed to do now was steer it, making for an easy time of getting it up to Lilith's suite. Thor had to admit that his brother's magic talents had their uses when they weren't focused on…well, destroying Asgard. Lilith was just inside her suite, holding the door open for them. She pointed towards the empty sitting room on the right.

"Probably best to have it in there; not really enough room for it out here. Don't worry too much about where you put it, since I have no idea what else might be going in here. Anywhere in the middle will be fine."

They did as she asked, and Loki released the spell to let the piano rest gently on the wooden floor. Lilith walked a circle around the instrument, checking it for injury, he supposed. As she came round to the front again, the beginnings of a smile formed on her lips.

"Thank you- both of you," she added, turning to Loki. "I'll be sure to practice so you won't think your efforts wasted."

"Did you want to try it out- just to be sure everything's okay inside?"

"Oh…no. Not just now. I haven't played in…" she trailed off. "Besides, I'm sure it's fine."

"Loki could play if you're self-conscious. He's known to be pretty good." Thor caught the blackest look from his brother. "_What_? I said you were pretty good. What more do you want?"

Loki didn't answer him, continuing to stare daggers at Thor. Meanwhile, Lilith looked from him to his brother.

"Really- you play?"

"Yes, I do," Loki admitted with a reluctant sigh. "But like you, it's been a while since I really sat down to practice. So my skills are a tad rusty."

"Weren't you just playing last week…" he began before catching an elbow in the ribs. Thor resisted the need to cough, and held his side with a quick wince. "Or I might be mistaken," he wheezed.

"Oh," Lilith said, looking somewhat disappointed.

Beside him, he was pretty certain he heard Loki mutter a mild curse under his breath. Then he stepped forward to the bench.

"I'll play if you'd like."

"You don't have to, Loki- really."

_First names already. Now I truly am curious what those two were up to all morning._

"It's no trouble, and best to be sure the instrument is sound right away."

"Um…okay. I promise I won't notice if you happen to hit a wrong note."

With a wan smile, Loki sat down and set his fingers to the keys. Thor couldn't recall the last time he'd really stuck around to watch him perform. Usually, he was out with his men and didn't have time for idle pursuits. It was the nature of things; they'd just gone their separate ways as they'd gotten older. But he couldn't deny Loki was talented, even if Thor didn't know much about music. How did one keep track of where all the notes came in and where to put each finger? Never mind what to do with the different pedals.

Thor's attention was suddenly redirected to Lilith. She was staring intently at Loki's hands as he played. He wanted to ask her what was wrong, but didn't want to disrupt his brother's focus. So he merely kept watch, noting how she wavered between a troubled expression and one of sadness. Both were at odds with the tone of the music, so whatever her reaction, it wasn't anything to do with the song. What did she find so upsetting about Loki's performance?

_Is she embarrassed that her own skills aren't as good, and is worried we'll press her to play, too?_ It was the only logical conclusion he could draw. And then Loki finished, the last notes lingering in the room. He glanced at Lilith, whose expression hadn't changed.

"Lilith? Something wrong?"

"Uh, no," she said with a jolt. "I was just thinking that…that…I'll have to be careful when I'm practicing, or I'll likely bother anyone in earshot. The piano echoes rather loudly in here."

He was pretty sure that wasn't what she was thinking, and he _knew_ Loki didn't believe it, either. But neither of them called her on it, and Loki simply closed the lid on the piano before coming up with something to say to the obvious lie.

"There are ways to fix that. I'm sure we can sort it out."

"Oh. Good."

They were silent for another minute or two. Then Loki stood.

"Thor, I think we should be leaving."

"Now?"

"Yes, now."

Lilith roused herself as they headed to the outer door. She caught them before they could get to the hallway.

"Thank you," she said to Loki. "Truly, you play wonderfully."

"You're welcome, Lilith."

"Good day- the both of you."

With that, they exited the suite. The door closed, and Thor rounded on his brother almost immediately.

"What's the big idea trying to crack my ribs in there?" Loki didn't answer him, headed down the corridor at a fast walk. Damned if he wasn't going to make him chase after him…again. Thor picked up a jog to catch up. "Hey, I'm serious. What in the nine realms is your problem? I was just trying to help, since that's one thing you have in common with Lilith."

Loki turned to him, darting a glance to Lilith's room.

"It's something _'Ilsa'_ had in common with her, too, Thor."

"You don't mean…"

"You see now why I might not have wanted her to know I can play?"

_Well, shit_. He hadn't meant to cause trouble, but Thor could understand that his helpfulness might have made things a whole lot more complicated.

"Loki- I'm sorry. I didn't know."

His brother sighed.

"I know you didn't. I should have warned you downstairs. So I guess this mess is both our fault."

"I dunno. Maybe she won't put it together."

"Forever the optimist, Brother. Well, I hope you're right."


	25. Chapter 24: Punishments and Secrets

The morning had proved productive, leaving Loki in a mostly cheerful mood. Only that near disaster with the piano marred what had been a perfectly executed plan. Not only had he gotten Lilith to talk to him, but he'd managed to get her to agree to another meeting in the library. Tomorrow. And maybe when he saw her then, he could get her to tell him about the odd look she'd had this morning when he'd found her. Today, she'd stuck with books. Which was good enough, but he could do better.

_I just hope my performance in her suite didn't trigger anything. Lilith seemed very much affected by it. No telling what might have been behind that haunted expression on her face._

No time to worry about that right now. Loki had a promise to keep. One that he had no intention of breaking. He whistled an upbeat tune as he descended the spiral staircase, amused to hear how it echoed and bounced off the stone walls. No doubt the other occupants in this part of the palace were less than thrilled to hear it. Especially one in particular. As Loki found the final stair, he could hear shouts of protest over the sharp notes of the tune.

"Let me out of here! I demand an audience with the Allfather! He _can't_ sanction this!"

Loki stopped whistling to smile knowingly at the current occupant of his former cell.

"Don't worry, Danethar, you'll be out of there in no time. But as for the rest, I'm afraid you're out of luck. You already had your audience with Odin, and despite what you may think, he can- and did- sanction your punishment."

The condemned man shrank to the far wall of the cell, thinking it would protect him from what was coming next. The fool. Strip away his status and insufferable bravado and he was a sniveling coward begging for mercy. Loki's grin took on a feral edge as he recalled how the man begged yesterday. Today would see much more of that, but no mercy would Danethar find. Not from him, anyway.

"Why don't you just kill me already? The Allfather ordered an execution- not this."

"Correction. He bade me to punish you for your crimes, which shall include execution. Have no fear, Danethar, you will find that relief when I'm finished with you. But until that time…"

"Finished?" Danethar repeated in a horrified gasp. "Just how long are you going to be at this?"

Loki deigned not to merit that with a response. He owed the man no explanations. But he knew the answer to his question, and had from the very first day he'd stepped into the former warrior's house. Lilith had been married to Danethar for exactly ninety-seven days. So it was only fair that he should suffer equally as long as she did. Would Danethar survive to the end? Loki rather doubted it.

"You let me worry about that, Danethar," he told the man at last. "Now, why don't you be a good boy and come over to the door. I wouldn't want to delay today's session and risk not finishing what I've planned."

Danethar tried to resist, but he was powerless against the compulsion spell Loki had cast on him a few days ago. Not a complete puppet like he'd done with so many others, since that would defeat the point of what came next. But just enough to make him obey a direct order. The terror in Danethar's eyes only grew as his feet shuffled across the uneven stone slab of their own accord. Oh how he tried to fight, even when he knew the pointlessness of it. Loki made no comment, opening the cell door and grabbing the chain around his wrists.

"See, you know you deserve this. Now, let's get started, shall we?"

Now it was Danethar's turn for silence. Aside from a pitiful whimpering, anyway. Loki hauled him to a table on the far left side of the central chamber. He'd brought it- not to mention some of the more impressive instruments from his private collection of tools- all the way down here, rather than to drag Danethar back and forth every day. Not only did it save time, but he avoided any risk of Lilith finding out that he was still alive. As an added bonus, having them here meant they were in plain sight even when he wasn't here- a constant reminder of what Danethar had coming to him. The imagination was a terrible thing to waste.

Which played into his overall plan for the former warrior. Of course, Loki didn't intend to use only physical torture. Such a limited method, really, of breaking the man apart. No…over the next few months, he had other ways of making Danethar suffer. This was merely the beginning. As he secured the shivering wretch to the table and selected his tools for the day- scalpels he'd 'borrowed' from the infirmary- Loki admitted it would be a bloody one.

"You'll notice how thin the blade is," he explained as if giving a lecture. "Someone like you who is used to the heft of a sword may not have an appreciation for how much damage something like this can inflict." A strangled sound erupted from Danethar as he struggled in the bonds. Loki ignored him and continued with his lesson. "For instance- though not typically capable of deep penetrating slices into another man's vital organs, these are perfectly suited for flaying skin from his body. A process no less painful, and one I intend to give you first-hand knowledge of as part of our session today."

"Noooo! Please, no!"

With a steady hand, Loki drew the razor sharp edge of the scalpel over the ridge of Danethar's cheekbone. He knew from experience to choose a location close to the bones; fleshy areas were far less excruciating and presented no challenge. Beneath his hands, the former warrior screamed. Kept at it, too, as Loki slide the blade under the incision to separate the skin from the tissues below. Blood trickled along the edge and curved in bright red trails over Danethar's cheek to land on the table surface.

"I really would think about holding still if I were you," he remarked casually. "Wouldn't want my hand to slip and get this embedded in your eye. That's something to save for another day."

Despite his warning, Danethar seemed not of the mind to heed it. But he was certainly intent on just how closely the blade came to his eye. Loki, on the other hand, paid very little attention. Once he was satisfied with his work, he made an additional slice and began to peel the flayed skin back. The wretch's screams grew louder. Quite deafening, really. He wondered absently if prisoners on the levels above could hear them. Not his problem, really. Right now, Loki was more interested in choosing another area that would show off his skills with this particular tool. Perhaps a rib? Or the collarbone? Fingers were especially painful, but required great patience to do properly.

_I guess we'll both find out how much patience I have today._

"Tell me, Danethar. Have you a particular favorite of your fingers? I was thinking of giving you a new perspective on what lay beneath the skin- particularly how it feels when tendons and nerves are exposed to the open air. They really are the best at illustrating such things, and I thought maybe you would like to choose which one." He paused to allow Danethar to answer, but the man did little more drag in great shuddering breaths. "No? Well, I guess if it doesn't matter, I'll choose at random."

He'd no sooner set the scalpel against Danethar's right index finger when he managed to find his voice.

"I'll do anything you want if you just put an end to this."

Loki hesitated, the knife-edge barely in contact with the skin. Even so, blood beaded in the shallow incision. He raised an eyebrow at the former warrior, then shook his head with a condescending chuckle.

"Poor Danethar, you just don't get it, do? There's nothing you can do for me or give to me that I would want more than this."

"But _why_? What did I ever do to you?"

_You nearly destroyed what matters most to me in all the nine realms,_ he answered silently. _That's more than enough to give me pleasure in carving you up like the animal you are. _Outwardly, Loki merely smiled and changed his grip on the blade handle to press it more firmly against Danethar's finger. The man bit back another scream as he laughed.

"Doesn't really matter, does it?"

He went back to work, and sometime later, he'd managed to skin the digit from knuckle to tip. The man hadn't made it easy with his constant struggling and ear piercing wails. Just for that, Loki decided to experiment with a few other areas that he'd never tried on his previous victims. The edges of those incisions weren't quite so neat as the first two when he was finished, but the exercise taught him that soft tissue could indeed yield a great deal of pain if he used the sharp blades with a bit of imagination. He stood back for a minute and admired his handiwork.

"Well, I think we both found today educational, Danethar. I look forward to what I'll learn from you tomorrow."

He said nothing, voice gone from all the screaming- not even a whimper made it past his cracked lips. But Danethar did flinch when Loki set his hands on his wounded flesh.

"Now, I can't have you bleeding all over the place, can I? So let's get you all fixed up and put back in your cell."

It was perhaps the most sadistic part of the torture. After he'd spent hours inflicting pain and injury, Loki would heal the man using his magic. Not perfectly, mind you. But just enough to erase any outward signs of their time together. He could see it in Danethar's eyes- he was begging Loki not to do it. To let his injuries finish him, rather than to face another day of this. How many times had Lilith looked at _him_ that way? No, she likely hadn't. She was far stronger than this pathetic bastard.

With a malevolent smile, he channeled the power he needed for the healing. In the past few days, he'd gotten very adept at it, and the process was over in minutes. Danethar struggled to get off the table at his command, and marched back to his cell. Loki closed the door with a gentle push. The man stood, wordless in his agony, eyes staring back at him with equal measures of hatred and terror.

"Until tomorrow, Danethar. Pleasant dreams."

It seemed to Heimdall that the Bifrost was rather busy of late. Since this thing with Danethar and Lilith started several months ago, he'd received an unusual number of visitors. The afternoon brought him yet another, though he didn't mind. How could he mind a visit from the Lady herself? After so many long days since she'd made him promise to keep her secret, Lilith had at last come back. She stood patiently in the archway, waiting to be invited inside.

"My Lady," he said and gestured that she should enter. "I'm glad to see you- especially looking so well. Much better than the last time I saw you."

She smiled knowingly and flicked her auburn hair over her shoulder with an elegant shrug. Heimdall found himself wishing he hadn't added that last part. It sounded…well, with his talents, the Allfather only knew what Lilith thought of what he meant by it. But then she laughed softly.

"Have no fear, Heimdall. I won't ask you to tell me when that was. Or where. All that is behind us."

_Is it? _He thought to himself. _I rather doubt Loki thinks it is. And I'm not so sure I believe you can let it go that easily, either. _Instinct kept him from saying any of that aloud, though. She _sounded_ like she was in good humor now, but safer not to take chances. He chose an answer that was less likely to earn him the sharp side of her tongue. After all, he'd seen the exchange between Lilith and Odin at dinner last night. No need to become the next in line for _that_.

"It was long overdue to see you freed from that monster, Lady."

"We'll see what come of it," she replied in a faraway tone. Then her attention snapped back to him. "I know it must have been difficult to have kept to what I asked of you."

"My sworn oath was sorely tested at times, I'll admit." Conversation paused, and she seemed uncertain what to say next. Heimdall pulled up a chair for her. "There's no need to hover in the doorway. Unless that was all you had to say."

"Well, no, actually," Lilith answered. She skirted around the seat and made herself comfortable, as if she meant to stay a while. "I was hoping to find some answers, and I think you might be the person to get them for me."

He'd faced battles against a host of dangerous foes. Against just about every enemy of Asgard that existed in the nine realms. He'd even squared off against the God of Mischief. Several times. None of those battles had been easy or without peril to himself. But at this very moment, Heimdall would rather face any of that- Hel, all of it- over again if he could get out of this conversation. Whatever Lilith wanted to know, he was sure he didn't want her asking it of him.

"Why me, Lady? I would think it would be easier to have tried at the palace rather than to come all the way out here."

"I did," she told with a grim nod. "But as none of them have been willing to answer my questions with _truthful_ answers, I'm getting nowhere b that route."

_Definitely would rather face an army of Dark Elves right now. What could she possibly have asked and of whom?_

"Are you quite sure that they understood…"

"I'm quite sure that they're all keeping something from me, and I don't like it."

The fierce look on Lilith's face unnerved him. Until recently, he'd always known her to be a quiet sort of person. Rarely raising her voice or showing any temper. When she'd come to get his silence on the Danethar issue, she'd never been anything but calm and collected. Even when he'd tried to talk her out of it, she'd never argued. Lilith had simply restated her request and expected him to concede to it. But now…something had changed.

_Seems the God of Mischief wasn't the only one to undergo a transformation during their contact with one another. Lilith seems to have picked up some of his argumentative temper in exchange for whatever she's taught him._ As Heimdall did his best not to sigh at the impatient look growing on her face, he couldn't help thinking that Asgard- those up at the palace in particular- were going to have quite the time adjusting to her new personality.

"All right, Lady…"

"Lilith, Heimdall. For goodness sake, it's just Lilith." Now he _did_ sigh. Lilith glowered at him. "You have a problem with that?"

"Just contemplating if I could convince the Allfather to find some way to make it more difficult to get onto the Bifrost. The current measures don't seem to be doing much to keep me out of conversations with obstinate types."

"Conversations. As in multiple- you having more visits from other Asgardians lately, Heimdall?"

_Gods, the last thing I need is to have her prying into who else has been here._ It didn't sit well with him, but he tried to dodge her question using a bit of humor. _Seems I've also picked up a few things from the Jotun._

"I don't need to repeat a lesson more than once. I'm thinking that this one is enough to make up my mind on the matter."

Her eyes narrowed slightly as she weighed his answer.

"So you're going to lie to me, too, then," she said at last. "I hadn't expected them to get to you this quickly, but I must have gotten here too late."

"You haven't even asked me anything yet- how do you figure I'll lie to you, Lilith?"

"Because you just did."

"I would have to disagree."

"Not a lie, but you found a way to answer my question without answering it. Pretty much the same thing or worse."

Loki hadn't done anyone any favors if he'd taught Lilith to recognize something like that. And if he hadn't, then they were all in big trouble, because it meant she was far more intelligent than they'd given her credit for. Heimdall clasped his hands together and reluctantly decided to give her a…more honest answer.

"My apologies, Lilith. I hadn't meant to insult you. Truth is, I've had all manner of people knocking at my door in the past few weeks. Thor and Frigga have both been here at least once, to name a few."

"I see. And to name another, might you have had an encounter with an Asgardian woman by the name of Ilsa?"

He froze at her unexpected question. How could he possibly answer it- either with a truth or a lie? Either one was going to bring trouble down on him, he just knew it. And why was Lilith asking if he'd seen _her_ of all people? Hadn't that all been explained already? Heimdall would have thought somebody would have told her the true identity of her maid by now. But judging by the question, they hadn't. It could be worse. Maybe they had, and now Lilith was wanting _other_ answers from him about what the God of Mischief had been up to while he'd been 'Ilsa'. By the time he'd worked through that line of thought, he realized it had been too long. Lilith was staring at him with a stony expression, arms crossed in front of her.

"I'll take that look as a yes, and as a sign that if I ask why she came here, I won't get a satisfactory reason. So I won't bother."

"Lilith…"

"Let's just move onto my next question and see what happens, shall we?" she interrupted him. "What I truly want to know is what's become of her since the morning before Danethar nearly killed me. They all tell me at the palace that no one has any idea. What say you, Heimdall- have you a different answer for me?"

He wished someone _had_ thought to come visit him before Lilith arrived. Gods of the Allfather, he'd even have endured another of his guessing game sessions with Loki. At least he could be on the same page as the rest of them about what was going on, even if he chose not to go along with it. But since no one had done him the courtesy, Heimdall supposed he would have to make do with his best judgment. After thinking on it a few minutes, he decided that he should reveal nothing of what he knew of Ilsa. If no one else told her about Loki, it wasn't his place to, either. The Jotun would have to fix his own mess on that score. Still, that didn't mean that this was going to go well for him. Lilith was not going to be happy with his answer.

"I have not seen her in many days, Lilith," he replied. Partially true; partially not. "And in truth, I haven't looked for her. I've been preoccupied with other things."

"Yeah," she said with a sharp smile. "That's what I thought. I'd expected better of you, Heimdall, but seems I was wrong. Don't think this ends here. I'll tell you what I told the others. I am going to keep asking until I get the truth. And I won't forget the ones who tried to keep it from me."

Truly terrifying words, even if he had no idea what she intended by them. Who was this young woman? She was so different in so many ways from the Lilith everyone knew that he almost wondered if it was even her. Perhaps this was Loki's idea of a joke. But it couldn't be. He knew where the Jotun was at present- doing what he does best with that miserable wretch, Danethar. Heimdall was still trying to puzzle out her strange new personality when Lilith rose from her chair.

"I think I'll be going now. I've learned everything I can here."

"Lilith, I can't give you what you're looking for. If I could, I would, but you're asking the wrong person."

She stopped, turned on her heel and faced him again.

"And who might the _right_ person be?"

He thought desperately of an answer that would save him from both Loki's untold wrath- and from hers. The answer was surprisingly simple, and thankfully the truth. He raised his shoulders and let them fall in a helpless shrug. Only one way out; he hoped it would work.

"You asked me many weeks ago to keep your secret- for reasons you couldn't give. To do as you bid me, I was forced to lie to the Queen of Asgard and deliberately ignore things that I should have reported to the Allfather. I stand by the decision to do both, and would do it again rather than break an oath I'd made. So I ask you- if someone else asked for my confidence, would you ask me to break it now?"

The hard expression wavered and faded. Lilith shuffled a step or two away from the doorway, and rested her forearms on the back of the chair. Her hands dangled over the wooden frame and laced together. He noticed the pale circle around her left ring finger, where Danethar's ring would have been only days ago. As Heimdall waited for her answer, he wondered absently what she had decided to do with it now that she was free of the bastard. Of course, he'd never dare ask. But he was curious.

"No, I suppose not," she admitted reluctantly. "Truly, Heimdall- is that it? Is that why no one will tell me what happened to her?"

"I don't pretend to know their reasons, but I've told you mine."

"I guess I can't fault them. But it's damn frustrating. I was hoping that all the secret-keeping was coming to an end, but it seems not to be so easy."

Heimdall made no reply. He couldn't begin to think of a safe way to do so.

"I'll see you around, Heimdall," she bid him with a wry grin. "And at least now you'll have little reason to be watching out for me."

_No reason to watch over you, you say? _He thought as she made her way off the Bifrost and back to the palace. _My dear Lilith, you are in for a surprise if you think life is going to be less complicated now that Danethar is gone. I have a feeling I'm going to have one Hel of a time keeping tabs on you and the God of Mischief before all this is sorted out. And depending on the outcome, quite possibly for a very long time afterward._

I left the Bifrost with mixed feelings. Well, perhaps it would be better to say that I didn't know how I was feeling. Out of the people I'd asked so far about Ilsa, Heimdall had been the only one to give me a reason _why_ he wasn't answering my questions. But that still left me no closer to finding out what happened to the woman.

_He said I haven't asked the _right_ person. Which means someone out there _will_ tell me. I just have to figure out who that someone is._

Not an easy task, since I had already tried the most obvious people first. Of the ones closest to the ordeal, the only one I hadn't spoken to yet was Odin, and I'd like to think of that as a last resort. But a list of alternate options was difficult to come up with. The sad thing was that no matter who gave me the answer in the end, I was sure that it would be the one I expected. Ilsa had to be dead. Why else would everyone be so keen to keep me from learning the truth? Even if she had been using an alias around me, I highly doubted the woman was anyone truly important in Asgard, whose identity needed protecting. And even if it was, who was I going to tell? No one who likely didn't already know.

_Are you sure?_ A tiny voice asked me. _If Heimdall said he was keeping a secret for someone like he did for you, what's to say it's not Ilsa's- or whatever her real name is._ I kept walking, all the while trying to think of an answer to my own question. I had gotten halfway to the palace before coming up with a satisfactory one. _So what if it is? That doesn't mean she's anyone important. After all- I wasn't._

_ You had to be important to somebody, or you'd be dead right now._

I had no counter-argument to that. The timing on the arrival of my mystery healer had been too close to have been chance. Someone had known what Danethar was going to do that night, and had plucked me out of oblivion at the last second. The words replayed themselves in my mind.

_Lilith, hang on. Please stay with me._

In the infirmary, I'd heard those words before. Berath and the others usually ground them out between curses when a patient refused to respond to a healing. Rather like a command Thor would issue to his men on the battle field- meant to be obeyed or else. But the tone I'd heard in the voice that spoke them that night had been something entirely different. They'd been a talisman, as if said aloud they could allay the healer's fears that I would slip away. And while Berath resented losing a patient, he'd never been _afraid_ of losing one. It was the will of the gods, and he accepted that he couldn't fix everything. I had a feeling that had I ignored those words and ended up in Hel, whoever had been speaking them would not have felt the same.

_Well, I held on and I'm here,_ I thought irritably. _So where are you?_

That was almost more baffling than the silence about Ilsa. Why _hadn't_ my mysterious healer come forward? So far, I'd only asked Maddie who it might have been, and she'd been just as secretive. And if I'd had any hopes that Thor would tell me- or anyone else, I was sorely mistaken. It was all starting to feel like I'd imagined a phantom healer in my state of delirium. Maybe I had. Owing to what Danethar had done to me that night, I wasn't in the sanest frame of mind as I was fading on my way to Hel. It was possible that Berath and Julia had been the ones to heal me, and I'd been too far gone to really understand what was happening.

Maybe the reason Maddie wouldn't tell me was because she feared hurting my recovery by telling me that I'd imagined everything. Even the voice and its mysterious plea to resist death's beckoning. She would think it better for me to keep believing it, even if the voice wasn't real. _But it sounded so real. I can't believe that I made it up. I refuse to believe I made it up. _With a frustrated sigh, I considered going back to the infirmary to get more answers. After all, I _did_ spend the whole morning in the library.

_With Loki,_ my mind echoed in a bemused whisper.

Now _that_ had been one thing I'd never have expected to come of my trip there today. After that initial awkward meeting when he'd surprised me and I acted like a babbling idiot, we found a few chairs and discussed books for several hours. I had to admit that despite my concerns about his motives, I'd found the experience entertaining. Even the times we'd disagreed about the merits of a particular volume or author, the argument was mostly good-natured and…open-minded. Neither of those were adjectives I would have ascribed to Loki.

In the end, I managed to convince him to read the first book in a series by my favorite fantasy author. Well, one from two of my favorites. I honestly couldn't pick one over the other when it came down to it. Both worlds were so well-crafted that I enjoyed them equally as much. I supposed we'd find out if he felt the same when he'd read them. _Won't that be strange…to have someone to talk to about books that have meant so much to me?_ I hoped that I hadn't made a mistake in giving him the opportunity to mock me with them later. Not an irrational fear, considering what I knew him capable of doing. But it was too late to undo that choice now, wasn't it?

My absentminded wandering had taken me into the palace gardens. Not exactly where I'd meant to go, but as long as I was here, I supposed I could look around. Maddie wasn't going anywhere, and a half hour's difference wasn't going to do any harm. The path to the water garden was one of my favorites, so I turned off the main path to follow it. On the way, I studied the various gardens carefully- noting what had changed since I'd been here last. Sadly, not much. So much potential, and yet most of it wasted with inefficient designs. And some of the flower beds were just plain boring. No life in them at all. I shook my head in dismay and kept walking.

Voices raised in cheerful conversation caught my attention as I rounded a hedge between two gardens. On the other side, I saw a group of palace gardeners hard at work. My footsteps faltered as I realized what they were doing. A discarded pile of Distar plants lay wilting in the warm afternoon sun, blooms shriveling and melting onto their thorny stems. The gardeners ignored the pile and kept ripping out the vines tangled about the flowerbed. Ilsa's voice floated back to me.

_"You sound almost sad about that."_

_ "I am."_

_ "But why, if they're weeds?"_

_ "They're really quite beautiful, actually, especially when they mature enough to bloom. I hate to destroy something so lovely."_

"Lilith?" I heard a female voice ask tentatively. "Is something wrong?"

I shook myself out of the memory and realized my cheeks were damp from tears. I hadn't even noticed that I'd been crying. But something about seeing those plants viciously uprooted had reminded me of Ilsa and had gotten under my skin. I brushed the tears away and turned to see who'd asked the question, half-hoping to find Ilsa standing beside me. Naturally, I was far from prepared to see Frigga instead.

_Why did it have to be _you, I demanded. The weepy mood vanished in a white hot flash of anger. _Of all people, why'd it have to be you?_

"I'm fine," I replied in a hard-edged tone, daring her to call me a liar. As I expected, she didn't have the courage to do it. "What do you want?"

"I thought maybe to talk to you. My son tells me that you are an avid gardener, and when I saw you here, it seemed like an opportunity to bring up the subject."

"Why?"

"Well, I just thought maybe…"

"Maybe I'd be more amiable if you pretended to be interested in something I enjoyed? I'm not that stupid, Frigga."

On the heels of that thought came another. Was that what was behind Loki's sudden visit to the library? Did Frigga put him up to it to throw off my guard? Doubt crept in, and I had the uncomfortable feeling that I was still being played the fool. Especially since Frigga didn't seem to be denying it.

"I came out here to enjoy myself," I continued. "I don't need anyone to come ruin it for me."

"Can you just set aside your anger for just a few minutes, Lilith? I know you've a right to it, but you're making it impossible to get through the simplest conversation."

"You're making it impossible all on your own. I asked you what you wanted and you're the one who wouldn't get to the point. Stop trying to be nice to me; I don't want to be your friend. Just tell me in plain words what you want. That's all I ask."

By now, a few of the gardeners had noticed us, and were clearly eavesdropping on the exchange with mouths gaping open in shock. I was fairly certain they'd never seen anyone with the audacity to speak to the Queen that way before. Certainly not in public. Frigga's look was indignant at first, but rapidly changed to resigned. She must have realized I was right. So much the better. We'd get on more easily the sooner she stopped trying to 'fix' things.

"All right, Lilith, if that's what you want. I understand."

"I sure hope so. So- what do you want?"

"Did you want a garden of your own to design and care for on the palace grounds?"

At last, something straightforward. I thought for a moment or two. Although it wouldn't replace the one that Danethar had taken from me- or ease the hurt at watching him tear it apart- I did miss working with soil and growing things. And as I'd just seen moments ago, the gardeners needed as much help as they could get to keep up with their task.

"Yes, I would."

"I can arrange a meeting with the head gardener and he can work out with you what you'll need."

"Thank you." After a few minutes of terse silence, I reluctantly added a thought aloud. "So Thor told you I enjoyed gardening. I'll admit I'm surprised he noticed."

Frigga's eyes shifted away for a second, pretending to notice the gardeners for the first time. I knew better; she'd known they were there from the beginning and was only trying to buy time before having to answer me.

"He can be observant at times, but yes, I can see where you might be surprised."

"I mean, he was only at the house that one time…" I continued, almost to myself. "I don't know how he could have noticed when he was interested in asking me about Danethar."

She was looking even more uncomfortable, and I once again suspected that something else was going on here that she wasn't telling me. No sense in asking _her_ about it, though. I knew a far better way of finding out the truth; I'd ask Thor instead. We'd just see what the Thunder God had to say about gardens then.

"Nevermind," I said. "I'm sure I won't ever work out the strangeness of the male mind, so there's no point trying."

"They are challenging," Frigga admitted in relief that I'd dropped the subject. Dead giveaway; something was going on here.

"If there's nothing else, I was on my way to the infirmary to see Maddie."

"No, that was all."

"Then I take my leave of you. Thank you again for the garden."

"You're welcome, Lilith."

Maddie was surprised to see Lilith in the ward this afternoon. Surprised and alarmed. What new questions might the young woman ask today? But she put on her bravest smile to welcome her as if nothing was wrong.

"Lilith, what brings you back here so soon?"

"I know the drill," she replied. "A follow-up exam the day after a healing this serious is standard procedure."

"Given how long you were sedated, I doubt it's necessary in this case."

"Oh well, I guess so long as I'm here, might as well be sure all is healing properly."

Maddie's suspicion grew. Lilith always _hated_ following the rules when it came to healing. So why was she suddenly so keen to do so now? She feared n ulterior motive, and almost wished she were too busy to see to Lilith this afternoon. But the ward was very nearly empty, as usual. Nor was she expecting anyone for an appointment.

"All right, come along with me and we'll have a look."

Lilith followed her silently until the door to the private examination room was closed. Before she could even throw out her first question, Maddie pointed to the raised table.

"First you let me do the examining, then it'll be your turn," she said grimly. "At least do me that much of a favor, Lilith."

"Fine, have it your way, Maddie," she conceded with a smile. "Off with the clothes?"

"Unless you think these old eyes of mine can see through them. In that case, perhaps you're right to need a check-up. Starting with what's going on in that head of yours."

Lilith smirked at the bite in her remark, one of the few who would recognize it as humor. Maddie had given up her personal brand of levity with patients long ago, owing to how many ended up in tears. But from the first time she'd seen Lilith, she'd known the young woman was different. Lately, she was finally discovering just _how _different.

"Well, I wouldn't want you to strain yourself," she quipped in return.

In no time, Lilith had shrugged out of the tunic and leggings. Quite a different look from having always seen her in dresses, but it suited her. Somehow, Maddie suspected that Danethar had been behind the decision to wear those these past few months. Undressed, Lilith hopped up onto the table without a fuss. Maddie couldn't see any outward signs of injury as she passed a critical eye from head to toe. A cursory physical exam also showed all clear. But to be absolutely certain, Maddie channeled her power to perform one last sweep. Not to heal, but just to be sure everything was as it should be. And it was…until she came to the very end. Maddie checked again, unwilling to believe what she was sensing.

_It _can't_ be, _she denied silently. _We couldn't have missed something like this before, could we?_

"Maddie? Is something wrong?"

"No," she assured Lilith quickly. "Everything has healed as we expected."

"You look like you found something," Lilith pressed her again. "I can take it, whatever you've found. Please don't lie to me."

"You're just fine, Lilith. I promise you that I've found no new injury or anything alarming."

Only half true. Maddie hadn't found an injury, but she had been alarmed by what she _did _find.

_Loki, what have you done? _No sooner had she asked the question did Maddie reconsider her hasty conclusion. She doubted that he even _knew_ about this, much less had planned it. Thor and Loki had arrived just barely in time to have saved her, and in the panic she expected the latter must have been to find Lilith so close to death, no way had he been in a position to control every aspect of the healing. If he'd been channeling that much power and hadn't checked or restrained it…he well could have done this by accident.

_Well, accident or not, it's done. I just don't know how to tell Lilith._

A valid worry, since although Lilith said she could handle anything, hearing that she was once more a virgin might just be beyond her limits. Maddie decided it would be wisest to keep this knowledge to herself for a while until she had a better plan of what to do. After all, Lilith wasn't likely to be inviting anyone into her bed for a long while yet. So she had time. Hopefully with it would come answers to what she should say.

"I think we're all done here, Lilith. You can get down and get dressed." _And then it'll be time for _my_ exam._

"Okay."

Maddie waited on needles as the woman pulled the tunic over her head and wriggled her way into the leggings. As she was putting her socks and boots on, Lilith glanced up at her.

"So, it's my turn now, if my ears heard right earlier."

"Yes, but I beg you not to be too difficult. I really can't tell you anything more than what I already have."

"Oh I know. I spoke with Heimdall today."

_Oh gods of the Allfather. None of us even thought to warn him of all this. Suppose he told her all about Ilsa and Loki?_

"You went to the Bifrost?"

"Don't look so horrified. He didn't tell me about Ilsa- just like the rest of you haven't. In fact, he's likely saved you quite a bit of aggravation on that score, as he did say I haven't asked the right person. So you're safe. I won't waste my time asking you again."

Should she be glad of that or not? Maddie wasn't sure that Asgard's watchman had done them any favors by giving Lilith even that much information.

"Then what did you want to know?"

"I want to know who knew what Danethar was going to do that night."

"What?"

"Until recently, only you and Heimdall knew what was going on in that house. And even you didn't know until that morning who I was- or that Danethar was involved. But someone else must have known what was going to happen that night, because we both know that no one would randomly show up at that house at that hour- much less a healer strong enough to rescue me from certain death. So- who knew and why?"

_Should have let her keep asking about Ilsa._

"Why ask me?" she tried first. "Why not ask the Queen or the Allfather?"

"I'm not interested in talking to them for obvious reasons. Now, Danethar said he'd been called to the palace for a hearing before the Allfather- who else was there? Who would have known how Danethar would have reacted to the accusations- and knew about healing? And while we're at it-what took so long to get to me? Why come when it was almost too late?"

All questions Maddie couldn't answer. Some because she'd been ordered not to; others she honestly didn't know. Only one person had the information Lilith wanted, and as Heimdall had pointed out, she hadn't _asked_ him yet. So Maddie followed his example and hoped she understood.

"Lilith, I'm not the right person to answer those questions."

"I see. Just like the ones abut Ilsa."

"Yes."

"May I ask if it's the same person, or is it someone else?"

"I really can't…"

"Gods of the Allfather!" Lilith cursed in an exasperated shout. "You'd think I was asking for the throne of Asgard. Why is this so closely guarded?"

"Be patient, Lilith, and you will get your answers." _Loki, you'd better not make a liar out of me on this one._

"It better be soon," the young woman snarled. "I came back just like the voice wanted. Now that I'm here, I want to know _who _asked me to do it and _why_."

With that, Lilith stormed out of the rom. Maddie didn't follow try to call her back, too surprised by what she'd said at the end of her tirade. _She must have heard something Loki said that night, but didn't recognize the voice_. Maybe it would be a good idea to have a talk with the God of Mischief. It would give her a chance to get some answers of her own…and to pass on some of what she'd learned to him. The sooner this was resolved between the two of them, the better. Hopefully, Loki would agree with her when she summoned him.

An oppressive weight pinned me to the mattress. I tried to shout for help, but a hand smothered my cries. My eyes were squeezed shut, as if blindness would make it all stop. But it didn't. Suddenly, a rush of pain that was all too familiar. Screams now- mine.

"You didn't think you'd get rid of me that easily, Lilith, did you?"

Danethar. His voice in my ear, chortling with malicious glee as I continued to struggle against him. But my arms and legs were tethered to the bedposts and I couldn't get free.

"No! You're dead! They told me you're dead!"

"You should know better than to trust their lies."

"You're dead," I repeated brokenly. "Leave me alone!"

But he didn't. As brutal as any time I could recall, he took me. Over and over. No one came to help, leaving me to suffer Danethar's abuse for what felt like hours. It was that last terrible night all over again. Only worse. It was _every_ night, relived in vivid, horrifying detail. The blood; the screams. I begged so hard for it to be over. Danethar only laughed and had me again.

I woke up screaming, heart slamming in my chest like a runaway horse. The sheets were wrapped around me, probably from all the twisting and turning. They were soaked through with sweat- as were my clothes. I rolled off the edge of the bed and dashed into the washroom to vomit in the sink. My whole body trembled, still pumping with adrenaline. _A nightmare,_ I told myself. _It was just a nightmare. Danethar _is_ dead and can't hurt you anymore._

But it hadn't felt like a nightmare. Just as it hadn't the evening before. I wiped my face with a dry towel and leaned forward to rest my forehead against the cool glass of the mirror. I wouldn't sleep anymore tonight, too afraid the nightmare would return. I couldn't face it again so soon. _Maybe I should ask Maddie for something to knock me into a sleep too deep for dreams._ But then she'd ask questions, and I had no desire to talk about this with anyone. Not even her. _I guess I'll have to find another way to deal with it on my own._

Padding slowly on bare feet, I re-entered the bedroom. The camisole was still damp, now slightly chilly in the night air. I opened the wardrobe and pulled out something else. Once again in dry clothes, I walked out onto the balcony to gaze at the sleeping city below. Here and there, faint lights twinkled in the darkness, proving that I wasn't the only one awake at this hour.

_A walk might help, _I decided. _It's better than sitting around here, anyway._

Probably best if no one knew I was leaving the palace so late at night. Especially someone like Thor, who might insist on coming with me. Though he'd be trying to help, I couldn't bear the strain of making conversation with anyone right now. So as silently as I could, I grabbed some additional clothes and slipped into the hall. All was dark and silent as I settled a light cloak over my shoulders and headed for the stairs at the end of the hall. For a second, I thought I heard a door crack open, and turned quickly on my heel back the way I'd come. Nothing. No sign of anything amiss at all, so I shrugged.

_Must have been my imagination._


	26. Chapter 25: Motives Questioned

I stood before the great wooden doors of the library and debated whether to open them. Since yesterday morning, I'd been through several sets of thoughts on whether it was a good idea to continue with Loki- even with something as seemingly innocuous as discussing books. From the land of Frost Giants he may be, but the man was a fire best not woken. I'd had quite enough experience getting burned lately; no need to go _looking_ for more. I still wasn't sure what was behind his random appearance in the Midgardian section of the library. With the God of Mischief, one never could tell. Maybe it was his own idea, or maybe it was foisted upon him from someone else. All day and last night I'd played through the possible explanations from each side. Very few of them would give me reason to walk through the doors before me, and of those, almost none of them seemed likely to be true.

Having given it much thought, I felt the strongest motivator for his being in that place at that time had something to do with the Allfather- or more likely Frigga. Since I wasn't interested in budging on my anger with either of them, she'd enlisted the help of someone who hadn't been involved in the Danethar affair. Probably offered him some sort of deal or special privilege in exchange for his cooperation. Because that was the question, wasn't it- what could he possibly gain from taking an interest in me? And with Loki, that was always a factor to consider. He rarely- if ever- did anything without ensuring that it suited his interest best. Not that I completely condemned him for that mindset. Who else is going to look out for my interests if I don't see to them first? In any case, I was sure that Frigga and Odin could make this worth his while.

Not quite as likely, I also considered a reason Loki may have that had nothing to do with Asgard's King and Queen. If he'd somehow found out about the gates I could create, he may be looking to use me to escape Asgard. I couldn't say whether he'd try to subjugate Midgard again, or would just look for the fastest way out of here. Either way, all too easy to broach the subject if we're already talking of Midgard in books. Feign a casual interest, ask the right question, and before I'd know it, he'd be gone from here. Leaving me to explain things to the Allfather- likely from a prison cell. Definitely not a situation where I'd want to find myself.

Hel, his motivation may not have to be that complicated. He was named the God of Mischief for a reason, and with so much time on his hands with nothing better to do, I could be playing the unwitting fool in his latest idea of a joke. Maybe he'd crossed my path by chance yesterday, and the thought of returning today to ridicule my interest in Midgard had spurred him to play along at first. Even better if I actually gave him favorite books to tear to pieces. I knew they have their foibles- all books do, but if Loki thought to dissect them in that condescending tone he'd worked so hard to perfect, I'd just soon forget the whole thing. And that's even if he came back at all.

_And what if you're wrong and his interest is genuine?_

Equally disturbing, but for far different reasons. Mostly because I couldn't find a logical reason for it. Just like his tendency to look out for himself foremost, Loki was nothing if not a very logical person- albeit flawed at times. I suspected his lack of success on Midgard had less to do with his tactical planning, but his lack of ability to predict how his opponents would react when logic was cast aside. He never expected they'd defy reason in the struggle against him. And so I was uneasy with the thought that the god had no rational purpose behind our conversations- that he'd find them entertaining for their own sake instead a means to a specific end.

So here I stood on the edge of a decision. Did I go in and discover which- if any- of my theories were true? I'd have to face the likelihood that no matter which it was, I would end up with bruised feelings over it. Or did I turn on my heel and hide in my suite for the morning? If Loki didn't show up, I'd be spared the embarrassment of waiting for nothing; if he was there, he'd get the idea that I wasn't interested in playing cat and mouse with him just as quickly. Before the months with Danethar, I might have opted for the latter, too afraid to face someone like him. But what were bruised feelings in light of what I'd already been through? If that was the worst, might as well get on with it. I was feeling quite brave as I squared my shoulders and opened the doors.

Sure enough, when I arrived at the same place we'd occupied yesterday, there Loki sat. Waiting. _Well, that's one outcome eliminated._ I paused as he looked up from the book in his hands, caught unexpectedly in his intensely blue gaze. It held an expression I couldn't quite decipher, and my courage ebbed. Loki must have noticed my hesitation, and balanced the book carefully on the arm of the chair as he stood.

"Lilith," he greeted me eagerly. "I was beginning to think you weren't coming. Please, sit."

Nonplussed by the tone in his voice, I shuffled a few steps closer to the chairs. Loki resumed his seat, but I wasn't quite ready to follow his lead. Not yet. I needed answers first. I noted the title of the book he'd been reading; one of the two I'd suggested yesterday. From the place marker he'd stuck between the pages, he was well over a quarter through it already. Far beyond where I'd expected him to be in a single day. Maybe it was a good sign; maybe not.

_Well, you'll only find out one way. So where's that courage you said you had? Now's the time to use it._

"Before I do- I have a question." He caught the seriousness of my expression, and said nothing as he waited for me to ask it. I took a breath and let it out. "I have to know if your coming here is some idea of Frigga's. Yesterday afternoon, she tried again to get me to forgive her and the Allfather for- well, I'm sure you know like everyone else why I don't have the warmest feelings towards either of them. I can't help feeling like she might try to bribe you to change my mind on the matter. And depending on what she might have offered- that you would be tempted to agree."

At first, I almost thought he looked…hurt…by what I'd said. A small part of me wondered if it was part of a clever trick, but for reasons I didn't quite understand, I was convinced that it wasn't. But I stood my ground, and resisted the impulse to apologize for having brought the topic up in the first place. Still, it was awkward as bedamned just standing there, waiting for Loki to say something. Anything. Even cursing at me would be an improvement over that deathly silence. Then at last, he seemed to come to life, nodding reluctantly.

"I can see why you'd ask, but I assure that my interest in being here has nothing to do with my mother."

I really shouldn't believe him; he was the god of lies, after all. Really shouldn't. I did, though. No reason to in the slightest, but I just knew he'd told me the truth. Hel knew _why_ he had, but that was a different puzzle altogether. And because he did, I didn't press on with what should have been my next question. I should have asked why he _was_ here. But if he was in a mood to give honest answers, who knew what he might say next. My courage was used up; I'd have to try again the next time- should there be one.

"Good enough for me," I replied as I sank gingerly onto the armchair opposite his. He eyed me warily, as if mistrusting how easily I had accepted his answer.

"I _am_ telling the truth, Lilith."

"I know you are."

"You actually believe me?"

"I actually do." A brief smile tugged at the corners of my mouth, and I couldn't resist returning his own words back to him. "Although I could see why you might ask."

Loki caught on immediately, and quirked an eyebrow in surprise at my attempt for levity. He shook his head, as if bemused by it.

"I suspect I may have to guard my tongue more carefully around you, Lilith. Unlike my brother, you seem to have a gift for using my words to your advantage. I shudder to think what you may have done if I'd given you a less than honest answer."

"Well, I can't be certain what I would have said, but I'm sure it would have been along the lines of 'have a nice day and get out'," I mused in a light tone, despite how sincerely I meant what I said. I would have asked him to go if he'd refused to tell me the truth in that moment. "Which would have been a shame, since I was looking forward to our discussion."

"You think you could?" he asked with a mischievous grin. "Suppose I wasn't so easily dismissed. What would you do then?"

Most might have heard that as a threat. I knew better, thanks to Danethar. No, Loki's tone invited me to take it in jest. Well, not quite a joke, since I was sure he was serious about causing trouble if I did tell him to go. Just not the kind of trouble that would frighten me. Annoy the crap out of me? Oh absolutely. Of that I had no doubt. So I sighed and rolled my eyes.

"Well, then I suppose I'd get to talk about books anyway, wouldn't I?"

Loki laughed- a baritone chuckle that fell on my ears like warm sunlight. I couldn't help thinking he should do that more often. Joy seemed to transform his whole countenance, making him look…okay, better derail _that_ thought before I got myself into trouble. No good at all would come from noticing that he was a handsome man. I wasn't looking for romance, and Loki was not known for having much interest in such things, either. We were just sharing a mutual interest in literature, that's all. Hel, I couldn't even call us friends. So all the better to just pretend I didn't notice that little flip-flop in the pit of my stomach when he'd flashed his brilliant smile at me. _And I sure hope _he _doesn't notice, either¸ _I prayed silently.

"Speaking of books," he began, holding up the one beside him. "I thought we'd start with this one today."

_Thank the gods, he didn't._ I made a point of looking at the volume in his hand.

"Looks like you made quite a dent in that since I saw you yesterday. Thoughts so far?"

"The author creates a curiously fascinating social structure. Quite a different approach to the classic ranks and titles. I don't suppose she ever writes in a place for Kings, does she?"

"Sorry to disappoint you, but no. I had wondered if you'd find the distribution of power between the genders somewhat…unpalatable. That's why I _did_ warn you to start with the other series first."

"I'll admit that I wouldn't want to live in that realm as it is described so far, but I find myself thoroughly enjoying one of its main characters."

"I think I can guess which one," I remarked with a smirk.

Of course I'd expected him to be drawn to a prince whose skills and power were both feared and underappreciated. A man who brought down destructive chaos on his enemies. My thoughts widened to the whole of the series and other characters. In seconds, I was struck with an epiphany, and stifled a laugh. Loki looked puzzled by my outburst.

"What's so funny?"

"I hadn't thought of it when I suggested you read the series but I guess most of the main characters might sound a bit…familiar. Two of the main characters are half-brothers- one more suited to physical fighting and the other inclined to wage war by intellectual means. And it's just going to develop more parallels later on. Never even crossed my mind…until now. How could I have not seen it before?"

"Well, now I'm doubly curious to get further into the story. How many books did you say were in the series?"

"Nine in all. It's fairly long."

Loki was thoughtful for a moment, tracing the edges of the book with his fingertips. At last, he spoke.

"And what of the girl? You said that the books would reveal more parallels to Asgard- so who's she?"

Oh I wish he hadn't asked that question. Loki couldn't have picked an easier person- no, he'd had to pick _her._ Some aspects of her life were similar to someone we knew, whether I wanted to admit it or not. But as to the ending…highly unlikely. And certainly not something I wanted to mention to Loki. That would make for some awkward conversations once he got to book three. _Who am I kidding…it'll be awkward the second I say the name_. To save us both the agony of that, I kept my opinion to myself.

"She might be one of the few main characters who doesn't have a counterpart here in Asgard," I offered with a puzzled frown. "I can't think of anyone who fits well enough for a match."

At first, I worried that he wouldn't believe me. Hiding anything from the God of Mischief- even if it was partly true- was a good way to get caught. But Loki shrugged, flipping through the pages.

"Perhaps when I'm done, I'll make a suggestion of my own on that score, and maybe you'll agree."

"Maybe. No promises, though."

_She already knows who it is_, he thought to himself. So did Loki, matter of fact. He'd only asked to find out if Lilith would own to it aloud. And since she hadn't, he was fairly certain he knew what the potential would be between the Prince and the girl. Loki just wished he was as certain he knew why Lilith wouldn't want to reveal this particular parallel to him. Hopefully, he'd have better luck the next time they discussed it. _It's okay, little Queen. I can be patient._

At least he hoped so, since he might have to wait a lot longer than he first thought. Loki had heard the screams last night. He'd been up reading in his suite, despite the lateness of the hour, and had heard them from across the hall. From Lilith's suite. At that hour, hearing them meant only one thing; she was having nightmares of Danethar. Hardly a surprise, considering the things she'd endured over the past few months.

_Not surprising, but distressing all the same._

At first, he'd debated entering her suite to awaken her. Only the fear that he'd only make things worse, or jeopardize the progress he'd made with Lilith yesterday kept him from going in. Instead, he'd waited them out, keeping vigil in the hall until Lilith had wrenched herself to wakefulness. The whole time, he expected to see others join him. But Thor, Odin and Frigga remained oblivious to Lilith's ordeal. In the end, he'd admitted he could do nothing to do for her from the hallway, and since he had no intention of making her aware of his presence, Loki had gone back into his suite.

Just as he'd closed the door behind him, Lilith's had opened. Immediately curious, he'd poked his head out into the hall to see what she was up to. Her clothes suggested that she was intending to leave the palace, so Loki made up his mind to follow her. Asgard was relatively peaceful, but the city was no place for a woman alone in the dead of night. He'd only gotten a few steps, though, when Lilith must have heard him. Only a quick spell to render him invisible had kept his presence a secret when she'd turned around. But it worked, and Lilith didn't realize she had an escort as she wandered the city streets until nearly dawn.

_Thank the gods we weren't due to meet here until mid-morning, or I wouldn't have gotten any sleep at all, _he admitted wearily. _Although I'm sure whatever I got, it was still more than Lilith did._ Loki circled back to the reason his mind had wandered along that tangent in the first place. If Lilith was having nightmares about Danethar, he'd have a long way to go before having any interest in him at all. Well, in anyone he supposed, but most specifically him. He'd have to be careful not to make those scars any worse by rushing her. Patience was an art he hadn't mastered, something Loki would truly regret if his impatience and temper would cost him what he wanted. _I _can _be patient,_ he repeated silently.

"I wouldn't dream of expecting you to," he answered aloud, trying to bring his attention to the present before Lilith grew suspicious. "What fun is it if you just agree with me?"

Lilith studied him again, as she did often these past few days. It never failed to make him nervous. She shook her head at him.

"I don't know what happened in the three months I've spent out of the palace, but it must have been serious to find you so much altered now that I'm back."

Speaking of suspicious… _You'd better think of something, and quickly._ So he did, and came up with a convincing lie.

"Confinement in the palace dungeons gives one a lot of time for reflection. And a strong desire not to land myself back there again."

He hated doing it, but made peace with the decision by telling himself it was kind of the truth. He did spend a lot of time thinking when he was in the dungeons, and he absolutely didn't want to go back. But neither of those things had anything to do with why he had changed. Question was, would Lilith see through the truth to the lie, or not? Some perverse part of him almost hoped for the former. Loki tried to drown that part out with all the reasons why he needed her to believe he'd told the truth.

"Fair enough. Still…"

_Dammit. Okay, time to go on the offensive and get her off-balance._

"You're probably wondering what the rest of them are- is it really possible for someone to change so dramatically, yes?"

"No, actually," she contradicted him, and Loki couldn't hide his surprise. "Three months ago I'd never dared utter half the things I've said in the past three days. It wasn't in my nature then; now it is. Time and experience changes us if we let them. I just have to wonder if imprisonment really would have been enough. Especially since when I left, I hadn't noticed a change quite so dramatic then."

If she asked him a direct question, he'd have to tell an outright lie. Loki was terrified she would ask, too. Lilith was far too perceptive for his comfort. In retrospect, he probably should have been more like the man she'd remembered, and gradually introduced her to who he was now. But he couldn't do it. Wouldn't, even if he could go back and do this over again. He just didn't want to be that man anymore. And certainly not around Lilith. So he held his breath and prayed she wouldn't take the next logical step in their conversation.

"Forgive me," she said in the silence. "I shouldn't be prying into all that. It's really none of my business, anyway. Forget I said anything."

His relief that she'd taken a path that led them away from the precipice was so great that it was almost painful. And for a minute, Loki almost didn't catch what she had said. When he did, he was mystified.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why not ask?"

"Well, I can't imagine the debacle on Midgard- and what you faced returning to Asgard- is anything you'd want to talk about. You've likely heard enough of everyone's opinion on it, and just want to consider the chapter closed."

_Speaking as one with a past of your own you just want to forget, aren't you, Lilith? _Well, she wasn't entirely wrong. He certainly didn't encourage questions or comments from Asgardians about his failure to assume rule over Midgard. It was all the same. He was wrong and deserved what he got for it. Who wanted to hear about that? _But I do wonder what Lilith might say. Somehow, I don't think she sees things like the rest of them._ Loki decided to find out, and hoped he could handle what she'd say.

"Go on," he bade her. "I've heard just about everyone's opinion, but not yours, Lilith. What are your thoughts?" She hesitated, looking uncomfortable. "I promise- you may speak freely and I won't hold it against you."

"Uh huh…I've seen some uncharacteristic behavior from you in the past few days, but that would be more that I think I could believe. It'd be right up there with promising me you'd never tell another lie again." He resisted the urge to cringe at that remark, but then she gave him a conspiratorial look. "Which, for the record, I'd never ask for. It's part of your nature, and without it, you just wouldn't be you."

If only more people thought so. He'd spent his whole life battling the unflattering label as an incorrigible liar who would never change to be 'normal' like everyone else. Loki wanted to say what it meant that Lilith would accept that part of him without judgment, but she had already moved on.

"So why don't we just let this one go and I won't have to wonder if one day I'm going to wake up levitated to the ceiling, only to break my leg getting out of bed because you're not thrilled with my opinion."

"I won't," he protested. "Though I admit, that prank has its merits. I might have to keep it in mind if someone else annoys me."

"See- there. What have I done? Now some poor idiot is going to end up with a broken leg for Hel knows what offense. Don't tell Berath or Maddie I gave you the idea or they'll blister my ears with lectures about inappropriate use of sarcasm getting others hurt."

"I won't. And I swear, you don't have to worry. Come on, Lilith. If I didn't think I could handle the answer, I wouldn't ask the question."

"Well…" she hedged.

Time to spring the trap on her. Loki had just thought of a way he could get Lilith talking about things _he _wanted to know. He'd play the same game with her he'd used on Heimdall. Just with a different twist.

"If you're so worried, we'll make a trade. I have to listen to your thoughts on my attempted rule over Midgard in exchange for an explanation about that odd look you had yesterday."

Lilith's eyes widened. She'd obviously forgotten all about that part of their meeting. Or had expected him to forget. Either way, she hadn't expected him to press the issue again.

"You're serious."

"Yes, I most certainly am. So- how about it, Lilith?"

"Well, I hardly think the two are equal, but if that's really what would make us even…"

"It is."

"Then fine. I'll trade."

"Excellent. So- thoughts?"

For several minutes, she said nothing and stared straight ahead with a contemplative expression. When at last she began to speak, her words were deliberate and carefully chosen.

"They all want to blame you, but that's never the whole story, is it? The Allfather can't pretend he doesn't own his share in what happened. He keeps insisting that you be like Thor. Well you're not, Loki. And it's short-sighted of him to have focused on what you're _not_ rather than what you _are._ Asgard doesn't need two Thors- gods save us from that fate. I'm fond of my cousin, but one of him is quite enough. But back to the point- is it any surprise that you resent them for trying to shoehorn you into a role that doesn't fit? Not to me.

"Mind you, I don't say I condone the way you went about it regarding Midgard- or that I'm not glad to see that you were defeated. I don't think it would have turned out as you hoped it would, even if you did manage to take the planet. That's a whole different topic for a whole different day. But I get why you went there. I get how that resentment eats a hole in you and you find yourself doing things that maybe you never thought you'd do. And enjoying it. After all, the easiest way to deal with pain is to pass it on.

"And then to be defeated and brought back where no one understands your point of view- or wants to listen to it…quite frankly, I'm surprised that it didn't harden your resolve in the _opposite_ direction. As you said yesterday, most Asgardians haven't given you much reason to care about them if they don't care about you. Who knows, maybe this personality change is an illusion and you're playing a deeper game than usual. If that's the case, then I'd appreciate it if when we get to the mayhem and destruction part, you do me a favor and make mine quick."

Lilith finished the last of her speech quietly, hands folded in her lap. At first, he had no words by way of response. How could he have expected she'd say anything like that? So completely…true. Lilith didn't make excuses for him- he'd done terrible things in Midgard. But she recognized that it wasn't fair to ignore that he was driven by inner demons he didn't create all on his own.

_You understand me, Lilith. I swear one of these days I will make you mine and when I do, I'm never letting you go._

"Okay…so kinda worried over here by your silence," Lilith spoke up tentatively. "Are you okay, or are you going to freak out on me?"

"No, I'm…" Loki couldn't say 'fine', because he wasn't. He tried again. "You're right. None of them get it- or ever wanted to. I wasn't expecting that anyone ever would."

"Most people are idiots."

He managed a rueful smile at that, but it faltered as another wave of emotion broke in him. Somewhat embarrassed by it, he pressed the heels of his palms against his eyes to hide the reaction from Lilith. When he felt under control again, he pulled them away. Lilith hadn't moved or changed her expression, looking at him with mild concern. Loki tried again to get a grip on himself.

"Thanks, I think we both needed that."

"Not at all. It was the truth- as sad and funny as it may be."

"Which part- that speech about me, or that most people are idiots?"

"I won't presume that any of what I said about you was funny. I'm sure none of it felt amusing to you at the time- or even now. But if you do…well, I suppose we have to laugh at ourselves somehow or we'd spend life in tears."

"Fair point."

The conversation paused, and then Lilith sighed. From her determined look, he suspected she was also trying to put them on sturdier ground again. Neither one of them seemed comfortable with the feelings her words had stirred up.

"It just occurred to me- how is it that in this bargain, I'm the one doing all the talking?"

"Can't take it back now. You were the one who agreed to the terms."

"So I did. All right, I suppose it's my turn…again."

"I'm all ears."

"You may regret having asked, because I really don't think you'll find my explanation all that riveting." She paused, as if giving him the opportunity to stop her. Loki just grinned and said nothing. She sighed again before continuing on. "Fine. Have it your way. I guess I'll have to start by saying that I always thought I had no memories of my biological family. I don't recall how old I was when the Allfather took me in to foster, but I've always assumed I was very young- too young to recall my parents. But when I was here yesterday, I had this odd sense of déjà vu. More than déjà vu, really.

"As I sat there on the floor, a vivid memory came back to me of a time in my childhood where I'd been there before. The whole section of the library was filled with people and boxes of books. And in the memory my father was there. I can still see every detail, even today, but I can't remember why we were in the library or anything else from that time. I don't even know why I remembered that small piece. I've sat in that same spot dozens of times before yesterday and it never happened. So why remember now? Hel, why did I forget in the first place? The 'me' in the memory was old enough that I shouldn't have. And that's where you found me. As I said, not that enthralling of a story."

On the contrary. Very interestingly, indeed. Loki suspected he knew what was going on. The mage's spells blocking her memories were finally breaking. As they weakened, these flashbacks were going to become more frequent, and eventually, Lilith would recover everything the Allfather had taken from her. Loki saw it as an opportunity. Not just to get to know her, but also as a way of getting her to talk about her talents. Not to escape- he was done with that plan. But now he wanted to help her figure out just what she could do with them. He was just about to ask her a question to lead them on that topic when the sound of boots echoing on marble alerted him that they were no longer alone. He half-turned in the direction of the sound and nearly groaned aloud as he saw Thor approaching.

"What in the nine realms brought you here, Brother," he asked in veiled annoyance. _Go away_.

"I was instructed to give you this message as quickly as possible."

Thor handed him a folded scrap of parchment, which Loki flipped open to read. A summons. Not from his mother, but from Maddie. His gut twisted. What could the healer want that could be so urgent? He darted a glance to Thor, whose expression gave away nothing. Either he knew nothing of what Maddie wanted to discuss with him, or didn't grasp how important it was. Probably the latter.

"Loki- is something wrong," Lilith queried.

He refolded the note and slipped it into his pocket before answering her. Regrettably, he had no choice and would have to lie to her. _I hope if she ever finds out, she remembers what she said earlier._

"No. Nothing disastrous. But I am needed elsewhere, for which I sincerely apologize. We'll have to pick this up again later- or tomorrow if you like."

"Tomorrow's fine- same time and place?"

He smiled briefly.

"Wouldn't miss it for anything."

Thor stared after his brother for a moment, wishing him luck with whatever Maddie wanted to speak to him about. She hadn't said much about it to him. Just pressed the message into his hands with strict instructions not to let Lilith know who sent it. He turned back to his cousin.

"Well, you and my brother are getting along."

"So it would seem. We both enjoy reading, and it's nice to have someone to compare thoughts with regarding the same book."

He glanced at the volume resting on the chair Loki had just vacated, curious to know what the two of them had been discussing before he arrived. Midgardian, and definitely not one of the tomes he usually saw his brother poring over. No ancient runes or dry philosophy. From the title, Thor thought it might actually be something normal people would enjoy. Which begged the question whether Loki was reading it because _he_ enjoyed it, or because _she _did. Either way, Thor couldn't blame his brother for taking whatever opportunity Lilith gave him. It looked like it was getting results, and even better, Lilith was in a cheerful mood. So maybe now was a good time to start asking her about some things he wanted to know.

"Do you mind if I stand in for my brother and visit with you?"

"Honestly, I don't need a babysitter all the time. I'm sure you have things to see to, anyway. I would think you rather busy."

"I wouldn't call it 'babysitting'."

"Then what would you call it? Since I woke up, I've rarely been left alone the times I've left my suite. Sure feels a lot like I'm being watched."

"I'd say it's making up for lost time," he supplied. "And maybe it's a little much all at once, but when we were worried that Danethar had taken you away from us, it got me thinking that I'd taken for granted that there would always be time later to spend with you. Now I know better."

Lilith seemed surprised by his answer, and he couldn't blame her. No doubt she hadn't expected to see any difference in the way the family treated her. _I wonder what she really thinks of Loki's attention_. He was sure they hadn't been discussing books when he arrived a moment ago. His brother would kill him if he pried into that without invitation, though. So his curiosity would have to wait until Lilith brought it up or Loki did. Just now, it looked like Lilith was going to impart her thoughts on what he'd just said.

"You want to get to know me now," she repeated slowly. "Well, Thor, I appreciate the lesson you said Danethar taught you. He taught me quite a few as well. And for good or bad, I'm not quite the same person I was before I left the palace three months ago. So perhaps you've missed your chance to get to know me as you thought you wanted."

"Do you want me to leave you alone?"

"That's not what I'm saying."

"So…"

"My whole childhood, you all ignored me. It hurt knowing that no one seemed to care I was even here, but I learned to live with it or at least pretend it wasn't true so I could get from day to day. I gave up on ever thinking that I'd experience 'normal' family things- including any sort of close relationship to my cousins." She leveled a severe glance at him, and Thor hoped she couldn't see how much her admission upset him.

"And then came Danethar. I don't think I need to mention in detail- nor do I intend do- about what life was like with _him_. What is important is that those months gave me time to think about what I would want if I ever got free of him. Granted, I thought it would be years before some battle would send a fortunate arrow into his brain or something equally gruesome. Seems the gods were willing to be kind and I was spared that wait. Even so, three months was long enough. I've decided that whatever all of _your_ reasons for ignoring me all those years, none of it had anything to do with me. So it's _your_ loss, not mine.

"Whoever I might have been and the bonds we may have had in those days will never be. But that doesn't mean that I want to write off the present or future, too. I'm just saying that if you're looking to 'make up for' the things you _didn't _do in the past, I'd prefer if we just started over with who and what we are now. See where that goes."

Well, that could have gone worse. Not a whole lot worse, since short of telling him that she didn't want to associate with him at all, there wasn't much left that could be. Thor admitted that Lilith had a point, though. Starting over sounded much more likely to succeed than trying to undo the wrongs of the past. He nodded in agreement to her suggestion.

"I think I can do that, if you can."

"I suppose we'll find out, won't we?"

_Yeah, I guess we will._ He wasn't sure if it was a good idea or not, but Thor settled into the chair opposite hers. Lilith leaned forward, forearms resting on her knees.

"So- what did you want to talk about?"

"Honestly, I have no idea."

None of what he'd wanted to bring up felt like an appropriate topic following what she'd just told him. If Lilith didn't want to dwell on the past, he certainly didn't want to ask her about those days. At least not right now, or in the way he'd planned on phrasing his questions. Would have to come back to that at a different time and in a different way. And if he couldn't ask about what was going on with Loki, that didn't leave him with many options. Lilith seemed to understand his dilemma, and smiled wryly at him.

"I'm sure that any you might have had are pretty much off the table now, yes? Trust me, it's for the best."

"No, you were right. I just…" he thought of something that she might be willing to talk about. "So I guess there is one thing."

"Oh?"

"I heard you have a recently discovered talent. Something about gateways."

As the words left him, Lilith paled dramatically. She drew back from him, now gripping the arms of her chair so hard that the upholstery might be permanently misshapen.

"Where…did you hear about _that_," she demanded shakily. "No one knows about the gates. Except…wait, did Ilsa say something about them?"

Okay, so maybe this had been a mistake. Thor hadn't really thought it through, and probably should have remembered that Lilith thought no one knew about the gates. Now he had now plan for how he'd explain how he discovered her secret. Telling the truth would spiral into an explanation of things with the Allfather and Loki that he had been forbidden to mention. And if he said Ilsa told him, Thor feared the possible line of questions Lilith might have about that. Hel, he hadn't even known that Loki saw the gates personally until she asked the question. So where did that leave him? Only one safe answer.

"Heimdall, actually," he fibbed uncomfortably. "He said he'd seen some odd power fluctuations in the warrior's quarter these past few months, and finally figured out what they were. He asked me to come talk about them with you."

"Oh." Lilith relaxed somewhat, but not enough to let go of the chair. After a moment's hesitation, she asked another question. "Does anyone _else_ know?"

"Heimdall told the Allfather, who told the rest of us. No further than that, though."

"I see."

He wondered what about what he'd said could make her sound so sad.

"Something wrong?"

"No, nothing," Lilith replied with a hasty smile. Thor guessed he must have misread her tone a moment ago. "So you want to know about the gates?"

"I confess I'm interested to see how they work. Heimdall and the Allfather want to understand their potential for Asgard- both as an asset and a weakness."

"Weakness?"

"Potential way of letting a threat into the realm," he explained. "Not like you'd do any of that on purpose, but it's not something we can ignore."

"No, I suppose not." She finally unclenched her fingers and rubbed them together as if trying to regain feeling in the tips. "Where shall I begin? I don't know how much Heimdall has already mentioned."

"How long have you been able to create the gates," he prompted, even though he already knew the answer. Thor was more curious what she would say.

"Not as easy a question to answer as you might think. I only discovered the talent a few weeks ago, when…" she trailed off suddenly.

"When?"

"Not important. All I know is that the gates seem to be triggered when I daydream. You know, make up a story in my head to pass the time. It's something I've always done, to fill the empty hours of the day. So although I only recently discovered the gates themselves, I'm pretty sure that they've been something I've been able to do for a very long time. Quite possibly going all the way back to childhood."

"That far back? Really?" He didn't think she was supposed to be able to create the gates after the mage. Was his father mistaken?

"I dunno. It's sort of strange. I remember visiting these other realms all the time when I was young. Then it just…stopped. For a really long time. Only recently did I start to find my way back again."

Hearing Lilith's confusion when she tried to describe what happened was difficult. She couldn't remember what the mage had done or why, and the gaps in those memories haunted her. Thor understood the decision Odin had faced back then, but that didn't make it any less hard to witness the effect it had on his cousin now. _And it's only going to get worse_, he reminded himself.

"By 'visit', what do you mean? Did you actually _leave_ Asgard?"

"No, not exactly," she said with a shake of her head. "It was more like watching a play onstage. Only the actors didn't know I was there. And no matter how long I'd been gone, I could always come back right where I left off the last time I'd seen them. All I had to do was close my eyes and they'd be up here." She pointed to her temple. "For as long as I wanted."

"So, the gateways are in your head?"

"I think maybe they used to be, but not anymore. Now I can project them out onto other objects- like stone walls and stuff. And when I open my eyes, I can still see the gateway as you call it, with the realm I was visiting on the other side. Not only that- but now they can see _me_."

"That's…fascinating. Have you made contact with them?"

"Well, in the past month, I've only been going back to one particular place, Micharea. I spoke with a few of its inhabitants over the last couple of visits."

Thor had never heard of a place called Micharea. Was it a region of Midgard, or perhaps some other realm? He had a feeling it wasn't.

"Micharea? Which of the nine realms does that come from?"

"Wish I could tell you, but I'm still working on answering that for myself, actually. It's not part of Asgard, and I don't think it's on Midgard, either. Outside of that, I haven't found anything conclusive…" Lilith's gaze turned away for a moment, staring towards the bookshelves nearby. To him, she appeared troubled.

"But?"

"You'll think I'm crazy."

"C'mon, Lilith. What do you think?"

"I don't think Micharea is part of any of the nine realms," she whispered in a low voice. "Everything in it is something I came up with- cobbled together from books I've read about Midgard and all sorts of places. Even the name of the place is one _I_ created. It doesn't exist on any map or in any written records. And until a few weeks ago, I thought none of it truly was real- just a place I visited in my daydreams." Lilith paused to let out a breath. "Thor, I think it's an entirely _new_ realm, and that somehow its creation has something to do with me."

At first he said nothing, too stunned to utter a word. If what Lilith said was true, then her power extended well beyond creating doorways to other realms. Was she really able to create an entire realm from a daydream? How many could she create? Just one? Ten- hundreds? The Allfather would certainly want to hear about the answers to all those questions the next time they spoke. Trouble was, Thor wasn't sure he was going to have them. But as the silence lengthened, he could see Lilith worry that he did think she was crazy, so he had to say something.

"I suppose all realms come from someplace, don't they? And you say that it's possible to open a doorway between here and this Micharea that other people can see?"

"Yes."

"Do…do you think you could give me a demonstration?"

"Now?"

"If you were feeling up to it. If you're not, it can wait."

"I feel fine. It's just…"

"What?"

"Nothing," she said with a sigh.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I suppose I can show you Micharea, although the gods only know what Lilith and Liam will say about all this."

"Who?"

"You'll see."

Lilith closed her eyes and let out a slow breath. Thor sat in his chair and waited, not sure what he was about to see. Had he known Loki had witnessed this himself, he might have asked his brother what to expect. A little late for that now, though. From the corner of his eye, Thor caught a shimmery reflection emanating from one of the nearby bookshelves. It grew steadily stronger and brighter, until it had spread several feet in diameter. In the very center, the wavering light melted away- as did the books behind it- to reveal a large room.

He stood up and approached the gateway to get a better look. A fire roared in the hearth off to the left, while the central space teemed with what looked like a merry gathering of strange people. One of them must have seen the gateway from their side, and the music and dancing stopped. A young woman came forward, blue eyes and long, auburn hair. _She's almost identical to Lilith_, he thought with a start. The woman stared at him for a second, then looked around him, as if searching for someone else.

"Lilith?" she called loudly in a voice that was eerily similar to his cousin's. "Are you there?"

Lilith rose from the chair and walked up to the gateway.

"I'm here, Lilith."

"We were getting worried. It's been a few days since we last saw you and Ilsa. How long has it been for you?"

"I'm not entirely sure- but I'm guessing at least a week. Give or take a few days."

"So long! What…" the other 'Lilith' hesitated. "Can I guess what may have happened that would keep you away so long?"

"You could try, but I'm pretty sure the truth would still surprise you. That is a story for much later, though. Right now I'd like to introduce you to my cousin, Thor Odinson."

The woman shifted her gaze back to him, and after a few seconds' hesitation, she jolted in recognition.

"Oh! Thor! I should have known by the hair and build."

Thor wasn't sure how to take that reaction. He'd never met her before, so how could she know what he looks like. He leaned in closer to his cousin.

"Lilith…what's going on? How does this woman know me, and why does she look exactly like you?"

"I suppose you could say that she _is_ me. Except she lives as a pirate captain in Micharea instead of…well, whatever you'd say I do here in Asgard. The same person, just living parallel lives in two different realms."

"And she knows me because?"

"She and I discovered- by accident of course- that if you make physical contact with your 'self' in another realm, you sort of…trade lives…for a second. So in a way, she knows you just as well as I do, Thor."

Before he could begin to wrap his brain around what she'd just told him, a dark haired man approached the gate on the other side. He immediately looped a possessive arm around that realm's Lilith, gave the woman a playful squeeze, and then turned his attention to Thor and Lilith.

_Gods of the Allfather- that's…that's…_

"Hello, Liam," his cousin greeted the newcomer with a smile. "I was about to ask where you were hiding."

"Stowing the last of the treasure below decks. All except this one," he jested with a warm look at the woman beside him. "Where's my prettier half from Asgard? I don't see Ilsa there with you and your fair-haired friend."

"This is my cousin, Thor," she repeated. "As for Ilsa- she's not here, Liam. I'm afraid I don't know where she is at the moment."

Now he was beginning to understand why she'd been so adamant to know what happened to 'Ilsa'. The answers didn't just affect her, but may affect the lives of the people in this newly discovered realm. In any case, Lilith's' admission sobered everyone on the other side of the gate, and the pirate's grin faded. He glanced first to his own lady, then back to them.

"What's happened? It's not that animal Lilith tells me about- Danethar?"

"Oh Hel," his cousin muttered. She crossed her arms as she glared at her Micharean counterpart. "You told him?"

"I was worried, so yes, I told him."

If Lilith thought she was going to lecture the female pirate, she was mistaken. Liam was too eager to deliver one of his own.

"How could you _stay_ with a monster like him? You could have crossed into Micharea at any time to escape what he was doing to you."

"Can we not do this right this minute? Ilsa already beat you to this argument, and she lost. Now that it's over, I assure you that you won't have any better luck."

"Over? As in?"

"As in he's dead now. I'm living at the palace with my cousin, Thor, and the rest of my…" she hesitated, "family."

"So quickly," Liam grumbled. "After what Lilith told me, I wouldn't have been so quick to dispatch the bastard. At least not after some time to make him understand a few things."

"Liam!" the woman next to him exclaimed in shock. "You can't mean that you'd…"

"I absolutely do, my love. If someone ever hurt you like that, I would take my time in paying him back for it."

_Maybe this wasn't such a good idea, _Thor thought to himself. _Not only does this Liam _look_ an awful lot like Loki, but sure as Hel _sounds_ like him, too. And I certainly wouldn't want Lilith to start noticing either of those things. Especially if she already established that Liam and 'Ilsa' were like her and the other Lilith._

"So, moving on from _that,_" his cousin said, as if she didn't want to think too much on it. "Doesn't change the fact that he _is_ dead, and I'm trying to sort out what to do with myself."

"Good for you, Lilith. I hope you find out what became of Ilsa soon."

"Me, too."

A long pause followed, leaving all of them to stand around awkwardly. At last, the pirate captain spoke up.

"I suppose you won't be joining us today."

"Wouldn't seem right without her here. Especially with all of you celebrating. Did you find your map?"

"Not yet, but we've been thinking maybe it wasn't something on paper or stone. Perhaps what we were meant to find in that cave was you."

"Perhaps," Lilith admitted with a faint smile. "We'll see what new horizons we can explore, won't we?"

"Aye that we will."

"Well, I think I need to rest up, so my cousin and I will leave you to your celebration."

"See you again soon, Lilith."

Shortly after the goodbyes were made, the gateway closed. His cousin sagged wearily against the back of a chair. Thor wanted to reach out to support her, but held back. No one had laid a hand on her since she woke up, and he wasn't going to be the one to find out what would happen to the first who tried.

"Lilith, you all right?"

"Yeah. It'll pass. Holding the gate open like that makes me a little dizzy afterwards. But it always passes."

"If you're sure."

"Of course I am. So- did you see what you were hoping to see, cousin?"

_And then some_, he added silently.

"That I did, Lilith. My thanks to you for the demonstration, but I fear it's well past the time when I should get back to work. Will you be okay if I leave you here?"

"I'll be fine."

"I'll see you later this evening."

"Farewell, Thor."

Loki entered the infirmary to find it almost entirely deserted. Berath and his host of assistants were noticeably absent, leaving only Maddie waiting for him. Her intense stare did not make him feel easy about why he'd been summoned. Not one bit. So he perched nervously in an uncomfortable wooden chair and tried not to let his concern show.

"I'll get right to it," Maddie stated grimly. "I saw Lilith yesterday and thought it best to talk with you."

Panic bubbled up inside him. Loki was sure it was something truly awful, and was equally certain nothing he could do could brace against what she would tell him. Some part of the healing he'd done wrong or something Lilith had said that would doom his chances. Surely nothing positive. With a sinking feeling, he motioned for her to get on with it.

"Go ahead, Maddie. I'll try to be ready."

"I need to ask you about the night in Danethar's house," she began cautiously. "No one's asked and I can't blame them. Having seen what little I did that evening, I can only imagine what you and Thor found when you arrived. Likely nothing you care to relive, but it's come to the point where I think it's necessary to ask some questions. In particular, about the healing."

_I knew it. Something went wrong and somehow it's my fault. What have I done?_ He swallowed the urge to say any of his suspicions aloud.

"What, specifically, are you asking about?"

"Did you, at any point, lose control of the direction and focus of the power you were channeling? Even for a few seconds?"

He didn't want to answer. The easier question would be whether he could recall moments where he'd _had _control. Those were fewer in number. But despite his reluctance, Loki answered her truthfully.

"It…wasn't easy to stay focused. She was torn to pieces, and everything needed so much so quickly or she would have died. There was no time to direct or plan; I just let it go and hoped what I had would be enough."

The admission was something he hadn't told anyone. Not Thor, not the Allfather. Not even his mother. No one. He prayed to the gods that this healer wouldn't tell him that his lack of experience cost Lilith a chance at a full recovery. Would Maddie condemn him? He braved her solemn expression in hopes that maybe she'd have some words of understanding.

"I thought that might have been the way of it," she said sadly. Loki would have rather she yelled at him.

"It went awry, didn't it," he supplied in a frantic tone. "If I'd kept better control, whatever harm you found would have been prevented."

"Prince, you did more for her than anyone could have," she assured him soothingly. "I'm not trying to fault you in any way or say that you've done Lilith any harm by it."

"Then what _are_ you trying to say, Maddie?" he demanded in frustration, nerves completely shot from stress and worry.

"It appears you did more than heal the injuries."

"I don't understand. I may have lost consciousness, but I know that Lilith still had unhealed injuries before it happened. If I didn't finish that, how could I possibly have done more?"

Maddie sighed heavily and muttered to herself. Something that sounded like 'I hope the palace is still standing when this is over'. But at last, she steeled herself to say it aloud.

"It's true. Some of her injuries remained when Julia and I saw to her that night. The more has to do with something else. You see, Prince, if you channel power into a healing and don't give it a specific task- if you just tell it to 'heal'- that's what it will do. Heal any and everything that you believe has been damaged. And so you undid everything Danethar did to Lilith. _Everything_."

"Everything such as…?"

"Not just that night. Going all the way back. Physically, it's as if none of it ever happened."

Loki's brain began piecing together what the healer was trying to tell him. Just his luck the woman would chose this moment to be less than direct. He really wasn't in the mood to try to decode what she was dancing around. Of course he'd wanted to heal whatever Danethar had done to Lilith. Every time he'd beaten her or raped her…all the way back to the night the bastard had dragged her out of the palace to…_oh gods_. Suddenly, an epiphany struck him, and Loki was aghast at what Maddie could be implying.

"Maddie, you can't mean that I- that she's. It's not possible."

"I have to tell you that it _is_ possible. It's an injury, just like any other, and can be healed under the right circumstances."

"Then she's a virgin."

"Physically, yes."

"Does she know?"

"No, she doesn't. Not yet, anyway. But eventually, someone is going to have to tell her." She stared at him expectantly.

"_Me,_" he protested. "You expect _me_ to tell her? Why me?"

"Because aside from Lilith, you're the next in line who's most affected by this discovery. So all the more reason you're part of the discussion."

"But…" he tunneled his long fingers through his hair. "I don't think I can do it."

"I suggest you find some way to change that opinion, because I'm leaving this matter to you, Prince."

Lilith. A virgin. A virgin haunted by memories of the three months of Hel she spent with her abusive, rapist of a husband. Maddie wanted _him _to explain how that happened. On top of everything else he was going to have to tell her. The prospect was beyond daunting; it was borderline nightmare. _And you know what else that means, right,_ his thoughts raced. _If by some miracle, you _do_ succeed in getting what you want- if Lilith _doesn't_ hate your very existence when she finds out the truth- then you'll have to…_ Loki's brain shorted out just thinking about the possibilities- and responsibilities- it would entail to be Lilith's second first time. Daunting indeed.

"I'll try, Maddie." He didn't want to, but he dared ask. "Is there anything else you brought me here to discuss?"

"Well, actually…yes."

"Gods, what else?"

"Lilith said something yesterday that I think you should know."

"About me?"

"Yes, although she didn't know it at the time. She was talking about a voice she heard that night. One that wanted her to hang onto life- sound familiar?"

He paled, thinking of how he'd begged Lilith to stay with him. Only he hadn't thought she could have heard him, but it sounded like Maddie believed she had.

"I, uh…might have said something along those lines."

"Well, she heard you and she's determined to find you."

His pulse quickened, and Loki could barely talk around the lump that formed in his throat. "Find me?"

"Lilith did what you asked. Now she intends to find out who wanted her to stay and why."

"Then she didn't recognize me," he asked tentatively.

"Not yet, but she's too smart not to figure it out eventually. Something you might want to consider that in your plans."

Lilith came back because he asked her to. Even if she couldn't know whose voice was behind the plea, it still sent a thrill through him to know he'd been that important to her. _She stayed for me_, the thought echoed. And for several minutes, he just sat there, basking in the joy by that single thought. Of course, he didn't forget Maddie's warning. In the back of his mind, he knew he'd have to be careful or Lilith _would_ find him out before he was ready. But…she'd come back for him. He smiled to himself and stood. Just before he walked away, he turned back to the healer.

"I will. I most definitely will. Thank you, Maddie. You were right; I needed to hear what you had to say."

My meeting with the chief palace gardener was this afternoon; I cancelled it, saying I was unwell. In truth, I just didn't want to see anyone for the rest of the day. The visit with Thor had left me with too much on my mind. Unsettled thoughts. Unsettled feelings. I just couldn't face anyone while all of them were churning inside me. And I certainly didn't want to chance running into Loki.

He knew about the gates. Why on earth had the Allfather told _him_ about the gates? I understood why Thor would have been informed. If anyone was going to ask me about them, he had the best chance of getting an answer. But why Loki? Surely Odin knew how dangerous that information could be in his hands. I had my doubts that the God of Mischief had truly forsaken his ambitions for Midgard, and couldn't help suspecting that this strange persona he'd adopted was all for show. I'd said as much to him earlier, and was no less convinced of it now that I knew he _was_ aware of my talents.

_I didn't want to be right, though_, I thought miserably as I flopped on the bed and rolled onto my stomach. _I had really hoped Loki was interested in our conversation and nothing more. Stupid of me to hope that maybe this one time he didn't have an ulterior motive._

Revisiting Micharea had only made things worse. I hadn't wanted to in the first place, since I knew it would involve uncomfortable explanations- both to Lilith and Liam as well as Thor. Truly, it felt wrong to go back there until I'd found out what happened to Ilsa. Good or bad, I wished I could have given them an answer. But I hadn't planned on the unpleasant shock I'd gotten when I saw Liam again. Maybe it was because I'd rarely spent so much time up close with Loki, but how could I not have noticed the striking resemblance between them? Had it always been that way, or was it possible that I could _change_ Liam's appearance? Either way, why in the nine realms would I ever daydream that I was with Loki?

_I must be crazy, or maybe the time with Danethar has warped my imagination. Or…I dunno, but I just can't really be interested in _him. _Can I?_

So complicated, and so much of it I wanted no part of right now. Hel, not ever, if I could manage it. So tomorrow I'd resort to the trick Danethar had taught me. Stuff all the worries and uncomfortable feelings in a neat little box and bury it somewhere in my mind where I wouldn't have to look at it anymore. I'd go back to the library tomorrow morning and would just end this whole thing with Loki- tell him that I wasn't going to help him with the gates or whatever he might want from me. Then I'd find some way to get out of this place before I was tempted into doing anything stupid again.


	27. Chapter 26: Confrontation and Accusation

Midmorning couldn't arrive soon enough. Despite finding ways to fill the hours since he'd left the library yesterday, Loki was impatient to see Lilith again. He finished the first book in the series and had quite a bit he wanted to say to her. First and foremost, he wanted to know how she could pretend that she saw no resemblance between herself and the young Queen, or how she'd expected him not to see it. So he'd arrived at their usual spot early, too restless to stay in his suite. Lilith was not there, but then, he hadn't expected her to be. Not for an hour yet at least.

Loki got comfortable in what he'd come to think as _his_ chair and pulled out the second book. For some time, he was too involved with the story to notice that the meeting time had come and gone without sign of Lilith. Only when he'd gotten to the end of the third chapter did Loki realize something was amiss. He set the book aside, having marked the page, and listened carefully. The library was silent; no sound of approaching footsteps to tell him she might be on her way. Just as it had when he arrived, Lilith's chair sat empty across from him.

_Not entirely empty_, he realized with a start. A small, white envelope sat ominously atop the leather cushion. Loki felt no small amount of trepidation and dread as he reached forward to retrieve it. Even worse was the thought of reading what it had to say. The note was obviously meant for him, and only one person would have left it. _What could be so terrible she couldn't say it in person?_ Loki suspected he knew the answer to that question. Only one way to be sure, though. He broke the wax seal and began to read:

_Loki- I can't meet you at the library today. Rather, I don't think I should. You may- or may not- be wondering why. And that's actually one of the reasons I'm not coming back. I believe that Frigga had nothing to do with your coming to the library, but I find myself too uneasy at the possible options that remain to explain why you _were_ there. I should have asked yesterday. Or at least been there today to say all this in person. I confess I am unequal to facing the answers I'd receive- honest or not. I'm sorry for that, and or the discussions that will never be. But I feel this is best. Maybe for both of us. –Lilith_

It was as he'd feared, if not worse. She wasn't coming back. Not today; not ever. He reread the letter, looking for some hidden clue that would tell him what had changed her mind since the previous morning. Lilith's reference to his motives for wanting to visit with her was too vague to give him any sense of her thoughts as she'd written it. Was she afraid? Angry? He didn't know. Even during their conversation about Midgard she hadn't shown any sign that he could have predicted she'd do this. Looking at the half-page of handwritten sentences, he wondered if he'd been too distracted at the time to notice.

Shock gave way to anger very quickly. In a fit of temper, he crumpled the paper into a ball and threw it on the floor. It landed hard enough to bounce. But even that wasn't enough to vent his frustration, so Loki stood up to pace the spacious aisle. Under his breath, he cursed Lilith for casting him aside so quickly. Of course, as much as he wanted to put all the blame on her, he knew part of it rested on himself. So he added a few curses at himself for not having the courage to tell her what he needed to when he had the chance. Hel, he could have said _something_, even if he couldn't bring himself to admit the truth yet. At least that would have given him a better chance that she would come back.

Still, a large part of his anger fell on Lilith. Her speech yesterday had given him hope she understood him and wouldn't be so easily frightened by what he had been- or what he might be now. To have her rip that hope away now was almost unbearable. Loki's mood swung from fury to anguish and then back again before he'd made one complete pass of the shelves. He wanted to tear something apart- the shelves, books…everything in this place. But he held it in, unwilling to destroy one of the few things he held in high regard his whole life. He couldn't bring his destruction down on this place of knowledge and learning.

By degrees, Loki's thoughts shifted. Dammit, she'd agreed to come today. And with Lilith, she didn't make empty promises. If she'd felt this way then, Loki knew that she would have ended things on the spot. Even if she hadn't been able to give him her reasons. So what happened to change her mind so drastically? _Rather, what did Thor say to her after I left to see Maddie?_

During the evening meal last night, his brother hadn't said anything unusual had happened, but now Loki was beginning to suspect that he should have pressed him for details. Just like the incident with the piano the other day, Thor could have said any number of things thinking he was 'helping' Loki, while doing just the opposite. He bent down to pick up the letter, smoothed it out and reread it again. Nothing Lilith wrote suggested her change of heart had anything to do with Thor. _Still, I think it's time he and I have another chat._

For the first time in weeks, Thor managed to sit down to breakfast. He'd been so busy lately that he'd scarcely had the time for any meals before early afternoon. Even if he did, it was rarely more than some of the rough fare down at the warrior's barracks. The cooks did their best, but they were always trying to stretch what they had to feed the whole company. That meant they prepared the basics and little else. Certainly nothing as fine as the spread before him- pastries, breads, an assortment of meats and cheeses. Thor piled a spoonful of scrambled eggs over biscuits, and was reaching for a ladle in the sausage gravy when a flash of movement caused him to snap his arm back. Not soon enough, though. He nearly lost the entire tureen as a shove caused his hand to knock it violently aside. He jerked around to see Loki behind him, a thunderous expression on his face. Of course it was Loki- who else?

"What the Hel!?" he exclaimed in annoyed surprise. "What's _your_ problem this morning?"

Loki said nothing, simply pulling a wrinkled sheet of paper out of his sleeve and tossing it beside Thor's plate. The hour was far too early to deal with this aggravation. With a sigh, he picked it up to read, anyway. After just the first sentence, Thor knew he was in trouble. He didn't even have to finish the rest of it, and turned back to his brother. Loki seemed ready to tear something- namely _him_\- apart.

"You want to tell me what happened with Lilith after I left yesterday? She sure as Hel didn't write that letter without something changing her mind. Start. Talking."

"I swear, I never said anything that would have given Lilith reason to distrust your interest in her. The only time your name came up was when I said the two of you seemed to be getting along. After that, we never talked about you."

"What _did_ you talk about, then?"

"It's…" Thor hesitated, uncomfortable about sharing Lilith's candid speech about her childhood amongst them. "Private."

"Thor, don't make me force you to tell me," Loki warned menacingly. He looked riled enough to actually do it, too. "I'm not in the mood to play games right now."

"Okay, okay. No need to resort to any of that," he capitulated hastily. Embarrassment was preferable to having Loki poke around in his brain for the answer he wanted. "She and I had a frank discussion about why _I _was visiting her so often lately. Her answer to what I had to say did not paint a flattering picture of her perspective of her life here in the palace. But we agreed to let all that go and just start over. Nothing to do with you at all."

"Maybe you think so; I'm not so certain that it didn't. Anything else?"

He almost didn't want to go on, but Thor knew he wasn't any match for his brother if he thought to hide anything.

"I may have asked her about the gateways."

Thor had thought him angry before, but now Loki practically emanated rage. His brother paced a few steps away, hands curled into fists at his sides. Before he turned around, Loki raised them to his temples and slid his fingers roughly through his long, raven hair. He still hadn't lowered them when he spun on his heel to face Thor again. In a single stride, Loki covered the distance between them and grabbed him by the shoulders.

"Why would you bring that up!? What would possess you to do something so dangerous- not to mention stupid!?"

"Hey!" Thor protested as he shook off his brother's grip. "It was not stupid!"

"No? How did you explain how you heard about the gates? As far as Lilith knew, only 'Ilsa' had seen them."

Yep, definitely was regretting every minute of this conversation. Loki was jumping down his throat at every turn. He shrugged.

"Okay, so that did cause a bit of worry at first. But it wasn't a big deal. I told her that Heimdall mentioned them to the Allfather- which he did- and that father wanted me to look into it."

Loki glared at him, obviously still annoyed.

"And that's _all_ you told her?"

"Well…"

"Well what, damn you?"

"I mean, she did ask who all heard about the gates."

"To which you said?"

"That the family knew, but no one beyond that."

"Which includes me, you realize," Loki supplied with a grimace. "Thor, how could you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Think about it. If Lilith realizes I am aware she can create gates- with my history- what do you _think_ she'll conclude about why I want to spend time with her?"

Slowly, the point of his brother's argument began to become clear. Thor replayed Lilith's reaction in his head, and considered the most obvious thing she may have thought. No doubt exactly the same thing Odin assumed all those years ago. Yet again, he'd managed to make things worse between his brother and Lilith, even though he hadn't meant to at all.

"I can try talking to her- see if I can fix this," he offered.

"No. You've done quite enough, and I don't need a bigger mess to clean up."

"Look. I'm sorry. I'll admit that I wasn't thinking, and it came with a cost. So what do you want me to do about it?"

"I want you and everyone else to just _listen_ to me," Loki emphasized. "This- this is why I was very specific about what not to mention in front of Lilith. Couldn't you have found something else to talk about?"

"There _is_ nothing else. She and I sure weren't going to reminisce about childhood after what she said about it. And regarding the whole thing with Danethar and you- what you haven't told me to keep a secret I really don't want to bring up with her. So you tell me, Loki- what's left?"

"She has interests, you dolt. Ask about those. Or find out if she wants to learn about something new. Hel, you could even try talking about things that interest _you_." Loki picked up the letter and waved it at him. "You might bore her to death, but at least you wouldn't have done this."

His brother was scared, and true to form for him, he quickly transformed it into anger aimed at any target that he could find. And for that reason, Thor didn't get up from the table and deck him for that remark. Bore her to death? Loki was one to talk. What about those endlessly tedious lectures on philosophy and ancient lore that he foisted on all of them? Once or twice, Thor thought he had truly died of boredom before they were over. On the other hand, his brother did have a point. He hadn't been trying hard enough to come up with ideas.

"All right, then, I will remember that the next time I see her. Happy?"

"Hardly. She doesn't want to see me anymore." He stuffed his hands in his pockets and stared up at the ceiling for a moment. "I had always feared it would happen, but had been hoping for more time. Especially after yesterday."

"What happened yesterday?"

"That's between me and Lilith."

"Wait a minute. So you can force me to tell you about something I wanted to keep private, but you're allowed to keep secrets?"

"Yes," Loki replied. A strange glitter in his eyes warned Thor away from pushing the point. And then it was gone, and his brother shrugged. "Not that it makes any difference now, whatever it is. Lilith's letter made that point very clear."

Since he wasn't likely to get any more out of him than that, Thor thought maybe he'd try for something else. He'd already brought up the gates, so why not ask some of the questions that had been plaguing him since yesterday. As casually as he could, he leaned one arm on the table and threw a speculative look towards Loki.

"So…I was wondering…"

"What," he replied, instantly suspicious.

"You said that 'Ilsa' knew about Lilith's gateways. And Lilith said pretty much the same when I spoke with her yesterday."

"I assume there's a question forthcoming?"

"Do you perchance recall a realm by the name of Micharea?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Did Lilith ever tell you that she thinks she created it?"

"Not in so many words, but when 'Ilsa' first pointed out the existence of the gateway, Lilith insisted that Micharea was just a daydream she made up in her head. I would not be surprised to find out that creating the realm came first, and that the bridge between it and Asgard was only possible afterward."

Why he thought his brother would find that strange he'd never know. After all, magic was one of Loki's areas of expertise. Of course he'd have a better idea what was possible and what was not. And since he was convinced that Lilith did create the realm, Thor supposed he was likewise convinced of it. Just the thought of what that could mean for Asgard sent his head reeling.

"How many realms do you think she could create?"

"One of the many things I was hoping to figure out, Brother, if you hadn't been so hasty about it."

"You're seriously not going to let that go, are you?"

"If I can't find a way to fix things with Lilith, you bet I'm not."

"Okay, I get it. Let's hope it doesn't come to that." He paused before continuing with his next question. "So, getting back to Micharea- I gather you know about this 'parallel lives' thing Lilith told me about?"

"She mentioned it."

"Uh huh," he murmured noncommittally. Obviously an attempt to understate what he _did_ know about it. From what he extrapolated from Liam's comment yesterday, Loki had to be well aware that everyone understood that Lilith wasn't the only one living a double life in Micharea. Time to lay out his cards and see what his brother's reaction would be when he offered up his own theory about the situation.

"Well, having seen Lilith's 'double' for myself, I'd have to say she made quite a compelling argument that it is possible. But as interesting as that was, I have to say my curiosity was peaked when I saw the first mate- Liam."

Anger was long gone; now the wariness had fled, as Loki turned frightfully pale.

"Saw him as in…?"

"As in Lilith opened a gate to Micharea and we had a brief chat with her friends- pirates or maybe they're just adventurers. Didn't seem like the pillaging and raiding type. I'm not sure what to call them, really."

"Noooo." The word drew out of his brother in a slow moan of an injured man. "_Please _tell me it's not true and you're just trying to make a joke."

"It's no joke, Brother. We saw them, and it was the wildest thing I've ever seen. She just parted the realms like opening a velvet curtain and we were looking upon another world without even leaving the palace library."

"Now is not the time to be waxing poetic," Loki retorted sarcastically. "You have no idea what you've done. She's seen Liam too soon, and only someone blind and deaf would fail to notice his…my…"

The temptation to pay him back for that smartass comment about his 'boring' interests was too strong, so he affected a disinterested expression. It was easier than he thought it would be. But then, he'd seen Loki do the same thing to him so often that the gestures were imprinted in his brain. Thor reached for a jellied roll and took a bite. His brother looked about to explode with annoyance as he chewed thoughtfully and swallowed. As much as he wanted to see how long he could keep Loki waiting for his answer, Thor thought it prudent to give up before things got ugly. He set the rest of the roll on the edge of his plate and brushed the crumbs off his hands.

"Yes, I was immediately aware of the similarities between you two. Not quite as strong as the resemblance between Micharea's Lilith and ours, but the likeness is apparent."

"Great. If you noticed, then she definitely must have."

The tormented look on his brother's face almost made him feel guilty about having teased him. Almost. He wouldn't apologize for it, but he did relent enough to throw out a small chance of hope for his brother.

"I dunno. I thought she would, too, but she didn't make a single comment about it or show any reaction at all. The three of them just talked about what became of 'Ilsa'- rather, that Lilith didn't know yet where she'd gone or if she was okay. It seemed to me that they all still believe that she's Liam's other 'self' in this realm."

Loki shot him a disgruntled glare.

"That doesn't mean a damn thing," he argued. "Lilith is all too adept at pretending one thing when thinking another. Didn't she have you all fooled this whole time that she was happy being married to Danethar? Something like this would have been child's play."

So much for trying to make him feel better. There was just no winning with Loki when he was in a mood like this, and Thor had enough of his abuses.

"What do you want from me, Loki? I said I was sorry. There's nothing I can do to fix it or undo what's done."

"You're right. I'm just going to have to fix it myself."

"What- you mean you're going to go find Lilith and make her change her mind?"

"Yeah."

"And just how are you going to do that?"

"I don't know," Loki answered as he stormed away.

The room around me echoed the strains of the music as I drew the bow across the strings. Back and forth, rocking gently with the languid notes of a piece designed for meditation and contemplation. Peaceful. I could use a little of that his morning. Between the recurring nightmares of Danethar and my agitation about what to do regarding Loki, the night had been far from restful. In the wee hours, I'd been ripped out of fitful sleep, and instead of another wander around Asgard, had spent it writing- and _rewriting_\- the letter for Loki.

It was the coward's way out, I knew. But after a long day and evening to reflect on it, I just couldn't face him in person. Strangely, I wasn't afraid of what he'd do- but more what I would do. What would I say if he trapped me there with the mesmerizing lure of those blue eyes? Not the truth- gods of the Allfather, I couldn't say what really worried me about him. I couldn't tell a lie, either, since lies were his domain, and Loki would surely see through it. At best, I'd hear well-meaning words of how there'd been a 'misunderstanding' of expectations- which was unbearable enough; at worst, mocking laughter and endless taunting from this day onward.

_I just hope my letter was worded well enough that he'll just give up and leave me alone. Otherwise, I'll be looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life- wondering when he'll strike back at me over this._

The tempo crept up to allegro in response to my renewed anxiety. Definitely not the right feel for this piece. With effort, I eased it down to the adagio where it belonged. If only I could sort myself out as easily. It sounded easy enough as I planned out the steps in my head. Empty out my thoughts and try to regain command of myself. This would pass soon enough, and I could get on with whatever I was going to do with my life. Far more difficult to implement. But by the time I'd nearly reached the end of the movement, I was almost feeling calm again.

"You are seriously mistaken if you think a note is going to keep me away."

The outraged voice behind me jarred my nerves, and the hair grated sharply across the cello strings. A garble of disharmonic notes spilled out of the instrument before my fingers lost their grip. The bow clattered to the floor at my feet. I stared at it, unwilling to turn around, for then I'd have to acknowledge the speaker of those words. Not to mention the anger behind them. I bent down to retrieve the bow and carefully set the cello on its stand. Now I had no excuse to keep my back to him, so I turned slowly in a half-circle.

Loki leaned indolently against the doorframe, arms crossed and an expression on his face that I could describe only as infuriated. I clutched the bow in both hands, unmindful that I was likely warping it beyond repair. As the seconds ticked by, no words came from me. As if silence now would save me any more than my decision not to do this in person in the library. Not a very smart assumption to make, since that hadn't worked so well, had it? And maybe I would have preferred the library over having Loki barge into my suite in full temper like this. Too late- he was here now. So what was I going to do?

_Fight fire with fire. If I'm angry, I can't focus on anything else._

"This is _my_ suite, and since I didn't invite you here, you _will_ leave," I told him in the sternest tone I could manage.

"That's not going to do it, either. I'm not leaving until I get a proper explanation."

"Well you're not going to get one. I told you in the letter all I'm going to say. So you can just see yourself out or I'll…"

"What?" he smirked. "Go to the Allfather and get me thrown out? I doubt it."

He was right, damn him, and he knew it. I ground my molars in irritation that I'd allowed myself to be baited into making an empty bluff.

"Well, Lilith? I'm waiting to hear what you plan to do. Go on and make your next move."

Lucky me, he seemed inclined to help me stay mad by providing more fuel to the flames. I knew I was deliberately misinterpreting his words, but I allowed myself to become incensed that Loki would trivialize this as some kind of intrigue. _Stay angry._

"This isn't a damn game. I meant what I said- and coming here to extort a different answer out of me isn't going to work. My mind's made up."

Loki's smirk faded, and he advanced a step. I'm sure many would have take one backwards, but I held my ground. He couldn't intimidate me so easily. _Go on and do your worst. I've been hit and beaten senseless- even stared death in the face; I'm not afraid of violence like so many others you might have bent to your will before._ My chin raised a notch and I glared at him, unyielding. Loki came no closer.

"You're no better than the rest of them," he accused me. "You made a pretty speech yesterday, but when it comes to something that affects you personally, you judge me like the rest of them."

"That's not true," I protested angrily, though in part I knew it was.

"No? Then explain why you don't even want to hear what I have to say about why I came to the library? You didn't even give me a chance. Tell me how that's any different."

This time, I didn't need to tell myself any lies to keep the rage burning. Something about his tone or the maybe the question itself snapped something in my brain. My temper boiled over and rushed past the caution that had held my tongue. I threw wide my hands, nearly knocking over a pile of music that lay atop the piano. The first few pages drifted to the ground unnoticed as I shouted at him.

"Fine. You want answers so bad- well so do I. You tell me why suddenly everyone here gives a _damn_ about me. Not just you, but Frigga and the Allfather- even your brother. Because before a week or two ago, not a damned one of you did. Now everyone wants to be my friend. What reason could explain it? Perhaps that recently, news has reached the ears of you all that poor, useless Lilith has a talent after all.

"Suddenly I have something that might be of use to all of you. And you all want it bad enough to do whatever it takes- even if that means pretending to befriend me. Well, to Hel with all of you, then. I'm no puppet to be manipulated and used- not anymore. And I'm not so desperate to have friends as everyone seems to think. I've learned how to be alone; I don't need to trade the use of my gates for the company of people who wouldn't look at me twice if I didn't have them."

The words came out far more bitter than I'd expected. Equal measures of hurt and anger threaded through them, and I realized now just how I truly felt after learning the truth from Thor yesterday. I'd thought I'd only worried about Loki's motives, but now the pattern became clear. I suspected all of them, having at last found the reason why they would all be trying to court my favor. Even Thor.

_They all want to use me. That's why I was rescued from Danethar and brought back here. They want the gates._ I blinked hard against the knowledge that no one wanted _me._ Nothing had changed in the months I was gone. And if not for the gates, not one of them would have given me more than a passing thought if I'd died that night. _That voice I heard was just my imagination_, I forced myself to admit_. A pathetic invention to convince myself that someone cared. I should have just let go_.

Loki was just staring at me, an unreadable expression on his face. I dared not wonder at what he saw on mine, and knew I had to get him out of here before the tears overpowered what remained of my anger. I couldn't start crying in front of people now- least of all him. So I curled a hand around the wooden frame of the chair beside me and set my jaw in determination.

"So there, you have your explanation." The tone in my voice was hard-edged, but at least it was even. "Now get out of my suite."

"Not until I've had my say."

"Gods- you just can't come in here and…"

"I don't give a damn about the gates," he interrupted me.

"No? And why should I believe that? Every chance you get, you're trying to find a way out of Asgard. Tell me you never thought that my gates were just the thing to escape to another realm where you wouldn't have to answer to your brother or the Allfather."

"All right, I did," he threw back at me in exasperation. "Weeks ago I thought that's what I wanted when I first saw them. But not anymore. I wasn't thinking of gates when I saw you in the library, or any day since."

I wanted to believe him. And because I wanted to- and the reasons I suspected were behind that desire- I refused to accept that Loki had told the truth. Believing that he lied was the only chance I had to stay in one piece when so much of me was trying to come apart. I forced myself to say the word I knew would end this.

"Liar."

Loki looked as though he might argue, but stopped himself. He nodded curtly and twisted his lips in a feral smile.

"Guilty as charged, my Lady. The God of Lies is of course, a liar. I'll take my leave, and perhaps I'll find someone more interesting to play with. This has proven to be most disappointing."

_For me as well,_ I replied silently.

"Good day, Prince."

He bowed elegantly and stalked out of the room. I did not move or make a sound until I was sure he was gone. Five, maybe ten minutes passed before I let out a heavy sigh. Good thing I waited, because the tail end of it broke into a sob. I was supposed to be angry. Loki wanted what they all did- to use the gates for his own gain. I should be furious that he'd tried to manipulate me. My vision blurred. A good sign that tears were in full force. I dropped the bow and hurried to my bedroom. Once I got there, I threw myself onto the bed and wept.

_I'm supposed to be angry with him- why am I crying?_

Frigga was running behind schedule today, and probably shouldn't take a minute or two to grab something she'd left in her apartment. Sending a page to fetch it would have been smarter, but she needed a break after the non-stop appointments of the morning. Even if it was just for a few minutes, and would mean she might be late to meet with the chief garden architect. He'd informed her late yesterday afternoon that Lilith had cancelled their appointment, and hadn't rescheduled it.

As she bustled around the room looking for a stack of papers she'd been reviewing last night, Frigga hoped the development with Lilith wasn't an omen of something amiss. She'd been hoping that avenue would give her an opportunity to rebuild their strained relationship. Frigga sighed and kept searching, but the papers were nowhere to be found. Just when she was convinced she must have mislaid them somewhere else in the palace, she recalled that she'd last had them on the balcony. Muttering a mild curse under her breath, Frigga stepped through the archway to look for them. Needless to say, she was not expecting to find Loki leaning on his elbows at the railing, staring morosely at the city below.

"My son, what's wrong?"

He didn't turn at the sound of her voice. Instead, he brought his forehead to rest against his hands, which were clasped loosely in front of him. Frigga continued to wait for his answer. The meeting with Gerrard could be postponed; whatever was troubling her son could not. At last, Loki spoke.

"I've failed, Mother. For all my best intentions, I've lost any hope of making things work with Lilith."

She held in the instinctual sigh at his flair for being overly dramatic, and tried to be as gentle as possible as she pointed out the obvious.

"It's only been three and a half days. How could you be sure of what the outcome will be already?"

"I'm aware of how long it's been, Mother. But she's been told I know about the gates, and now she thinks they're what I want."

Okay, so maybe he wasn't just overreacting to a tiny set-back. Frigga was shocked that this could have happened, since they'd all been so careful so far.

"I don't understand. Who would've…"

"Thor," he answered dispassionately. "Yesterday morning when I was having a conversation with Maddie."

She would have thought Loki would have been much angrier than he sounded about that. The hollowed out tone made her more uneasy than if he'd been ranting. Also, Frigga wondered what Loki had been discussing with Maddie. This was not the time to ask, though. She already had one disaster to puzzle out before she opened up another.

"But why?"

"It doesn't matter, does it? Lilith knows and when I tried to fix it, my damn temper got the better of me. I said some things because…" he laughed brokenly. "Mother, you likely won't believe it possible, but she wounded me with the things she accused me of. So I hurt her back- or tried to. In the end, all I did was hurt myself and make her angry."

Frigga knew her son's tempter was formidable, and he very likely deserved Lilith's anger, but when she heard the pain in his voice she couldn't help wishing things hadn't gone so wrong.

"She'll come around, Loki. I'm sure you can find a way to make things right."

"No, not this time."

Having learned from past arguments, Frigga didn't try to press him further about it. The mood would pass whenever he was ready and no sooner. Why waste the energy butting heads with him? And as much as she hated to admit it, this roadblock with Lilith provided her with an opportunity to discuss the fate of 'Ilsa'. She was still reluctant to broach it with Loki, but she had promised Maddie she'd ask him, and now seemed as good a time as any to do it.

"What about letting 'Ilsa' try to fix it?"

Now Loki did look at her, tilting his head just enough to glare at her from the corner of his eye.

"What did you just say?"

"If Lilith won't talk to you, she might talk to 'Ilsa'," she continued bravely in spite of the frost in his tone. "I know you aren't thrilled with the idea, but she could return to the palace and get Lilith to open up about Danethar. You could get her to forgive this disagreement at the same time."

"And when she finds out I _am_ Ilsa? What then?" When Frigga said nothing, he supplied his own answer. "I can guarantee you that Lilith is not going to forgive that ruse a second time. _Maybe_ I could have gotten her to understand why I did it when she was trapped with Danethar, but here? Oh no. You ask too much, Mother."

"It's still worth a try, don't you think?"

"No, I don't. I'd rather she hate me for myself than to trick her into liking me that way. Especially knowing that it'll only make things worse later."

"What if 'Ilsa' is the only one who can fix what's wrong with her?"

He spun on his heel, expression incredulous.

"Wrong with_ her_? Nothing is wrong with Lilith."

Seeing him so defensive on Lilith's behalf, Frigga realized she'd erred in phrasing that last remark. Gods, dealing with him when it came to Lilith was a tricky business. She held out her hands beseechingly and sought to try again to explain what she'd meant.

"She's so…angry all the time. And she won't acknowledge that she's not mentally stable after what happened with Danethar. I'm just worried for her emotional health."

"How did you expect her to react, Mother? Of course she's angry. We've ruined her life. And that's not even considering everything done to her before the last few months. Do you understand that because of us, she has nightmares that keep her screaming for hours every night? Why the Hel would she want to think about any of _that_\- much less _talk_ about it?"

"Nightmares?" she asked in a halting voice.

"Every night. I don't know how none of you hear them, but I do. My best guess is that she's reliving the worst of what Danethar's done to her, and that's as much as I dare imagine. The night before last, she was driven out of the palace in the dead of night, trying to get away from them. Lilith must have walked half the streets of Asgard before the sun rose."

"You followed her."

"Well I couldn't just let her go alone, could I?"

No, of course he wouldn't have. Frigga couldn't hide her dismay at hearing that Lilith was so tormented.

"I don't know what to do for her," she admitted tearfully. "I just want to see her happy, but it seems all any of us do is make things worse for her."

"I know how you feel, Mother. I thought I was making some progress, but…"

"You aren't giving up, are you?"

"I thought about it."

"But you aren't- right?"

His smile was rueful, if she could call it one.

"Since when do I give up on anything?"

I couldn't cry in my room all day- nor did I _want_ to. But if I stayed here, I knew that's exactly what would happen. No sense in trying to go back to practicing my cello or reading a book. I considered acceptable alternatives that would get me out of this room, but would keep me far from the ones responsible for my mood. A visit to Karin's shop was tempting, but then I remembered that by now everyone would have heard about what happened. I wouldn't be 'Renate' anymore, and the woman might resent the subterfuge I'd used on her. Pushing that revelation aside, I looked for other activities to fill my afternoon.

I could always try my luck with Lord Gerrard. Seeing as though I'd cancelled my meeting with him yesterday, maybe I ought to try again today. The sooner I took over one of the gardens, the sooner I had an excuse to escape the palace into the vast grounds surrounding it. While the building itself was so expansive that it needed its own map, I still felt confined and somewhat cornered. At any moment, I was sure I'd turn a corner and run into Frigga or the Allfather. Or Loki. Far safer to be out in the open, where he had no reason to look for me. Not that I _expected_ him to seek me out after our argument earlier, but still…

_Now don't start thinking about that again,_ I chided myself. _You spoke with him a grand total of three times- the last of which being the argument from this morning. It's not like that meant anything, so stop acting like it did._

With a reluctant sigh, I propped myself up on my side and stared at the blue sky beyond my window. Another beautiful day in Asgard. I almost wished for grey stormy weather- something to match my mood. A little rain might deter some from spending time out of doors, but I didn't mind it. At least not in the warm summer months. But alas, the sun was determined to shine. Might as well go face it.

The hallway was silent, and- more importantly- _empty_ when I opened the door of my suite. No sign of Loki waiting to ambush me. I don't know why I was so paranoid that he would be. _Or are you _hoping_ he'd try again?_ _No, of course I wasn't_, I answered myself, though it wasn't as confident as I would have liked. But rather than dwell on it, I forced myself to get moving. Where, though? Having a destination would help. I had no idea where to start looking for Lord Gerrard. If he had an office in the palace, I wouldn't know where to find it, except I knew it wouldn't be in this wing.

My footsteps shuffled to a stop again as I pondered what to do next. And as I stood there, I realized that the hallway wasn't as silent as I'd originally thought. The faintest sounds of- _is that a voice calling out_, I wondered, scrunching my eyebrows together in confusion. I retraced my steps to the opposite side of the corridor, where another set of stairs spiraled out of sight. Having never lived in this wing before, I couldn't recall where they went. But the sounds I'd heard were definitely coming from down there. My foot hovered over the first step, waiting for me to decide whether to go investigate. Just then, I heard the faint wailing again, and jerked backwards. A shivery feeling came over me. No, best leave whatever was down there alone.

I spun on the balls of my feet and rushed down the length of the corridor to the staircase I knew would bring me to the main level of the palace, doing by best to ignore the uneasy warning that raised the hairs on the back of my neck. I'd focus on finding Gerrard and forget all about that in no time. As I made my way downstairs, used my ignorance about the administrative side of the palace to distract myself. I thought I remembered where that wing was, but even that was a little fuzzy in my memory. So this was likely to be quite the hunt.

_Who would have thought I would have needed to know,_ I mused. Even if I'd had any interest in the politics of Asgard when I was younger, no one had felt any need to show me any of how it functioned. My schooling had been limited to whatever attention I could steal away from Thor and Loki's tutors, and that hadn't been much. The rest I'd had to learn on my own. So in that sense, I suppose I was partly to blame for not being familiar with the warren of administrative offices or who occupied them. But by the time I'd crisscrossed the same hallway for the ninth time in hopes of finding the office of the chief palace landscaper, I was rethinking that mindset.

A door opened only a few feet away, startling me enough to halt mid-stride. I heard voices within; one of them- a woman's- was nearing the doorway. Moments later, Frigga stepped into the hallway and immediately zeroed in on me. We hadn't spoken since she approached me in the garden a few days ago, even though I'd seen her a few times in between. And just like those other times, neither of us spoke, though it looked as if she desperately wanted to. Better if she didn't. I had no kind words for anyone in the royal family today. Likely not for a long while.

We were still staring at one another when the room's other occupant poked his head out to see what was going on. The gods must have granted me luck- Gerrard. Just who I'd been looking for. He looked both surprised and disquieted at seeing me. No doubt the reason behind Frigga's visit had something to do with that. Not my problem. I tipped my head briefly at the Queen- not because I wanted to show her any respect, but because it would be far less awkward for Gerrard- before addressing him.

"Good day to you, Lord Gerrard. I was hoping that you had some time this afternoon to spare, as I was unable to meet with you yesterday."

His eyes darted to Frigga's, which I chose to ignore. At last, he spoke. "Why of course, Lady Lilith. I was headed out to tour the grounds now. Why don't you come with me and we can discuss where you might like to set up a garden of your own?"

"An excellent suggestion," I agreed, truly delighted that he was available so soon. "I'm ready if you are."

"By your leave, my Queen?"

"Yes, of course," she answered distractedly. Her eyes were still on me, searching for something that I couldn't guess. At length, she gave up and turned to Lord Gerrard. "Let me know if you require anything to fulfill the Lady's request."

With that, Frigga quickly fled the hallway. Or perhaps, just me. I smiled at that thought, glad to have someone else at the disadvantage for once. Convenient that she'd departed in the direction of the family wing instead of the main entrance; meant we wouldn't have to pass her on our way out. I gestured to Gerrard as if I hadn't noticed anything unusual about the Queen's reaction to me.

"Shall we?"

The chief landscaper led the way. Though silent, I got the impression that t was not out of ill will or in any way intentional. Whether he was simply a man of few words by nature, or was simply unused to talking with nobles, I couldn't say. Only when we reached the outer grounds of the palace did he feel the need to resume our conversation.

"Did you have a place in mind, Lady…"

"Lilith," I interrupted him. "You don't need to waste your breath on the 'Lady' part. And I promise I won't mention the lapse of formality to the powers that be," I added with a nod to the grand fortress overlooking Asgard. In my head, I hoped word spread quickly amongst the servants there that I didn't needed a damned title, because it was getting tiresome to repeat this speech. "Are we good?"

The poor man was at a loss what to do. He was a high ranking retainer for the Allfather, and knew the correct protocols expected of him. I'd be willing to bet he'd never dared be that familiar with anyone of the noble class outside his own circle of friends and acquaintances, but I'd essentially given him a command. And since I was family of the line- by the barest veneer, but who was going to split hairs?- that gave me some authority to make a few demands that must be obeyed. A rock and a hard place. I did not envy his decision. But decide he did, and lucky for me I won the battle.

"Aye, we are, L-Lilith." His voice stumbled over saying my name alone. No doubt it would take practice to cure him of it. "I suppose you'll be wanting to drop the 'Lord' part, as well?"

"If you wish. That's your choice, not mine."

"My thanks. I hope you won't mind if I prefer to keep it- for now."

"Of course." I was hardly surprised. Perhaps in a few months of working in somewhat close proximity would cure him of that opinion, but even if it didn't, I wasn't overly perturbed. With that squared away, I considered his question. "The water garden has always been one of my favorites. If you had any plots near it that could use some direction, I'd like to try my luck there."

"I might recall seeing one or two along that way. Why don't we take the path and see what we can find?"

As we walked, I caught Gerrard darting curious glances at me when he thought I wasn't paying attention. Since I'd returned to the palace, most of its staff had been doing the same thing. They must have heard rumors of what happened with Danethar, and were too timid to comment on it to my face. I was certain a whole bunch was being said behind my back, though. The speculation and scrutiny was getting irksome, and I found myself unable to ignore it any longer.

"Something on your mind, Lord Gerrard?"

"Not at all," he denied quickly. I leveled a knowing look at him and the man sighed. "Well, I suppose there is, but it's none of my business."

"Doesn't mean you can't ask." His gaze drifted away and I got the distinct impression the man was being deliberately evasive. "Or perhaps, you've been _told_ you can't. Is that it?" Silence. "Gods- it is. Can't _anyone_ talk about _anything_ around me? The Allfather may rule Asgard, but this is going too far."

"It's not…"

"Never mind- I'll get some answers from _him_ later," I grumbled under my breath. I must have sounded sufficiently annoyed enough to prevent him from finishing whatever he'd been about to say. "In the meantime, let's just get on with what we came here to do. There's no point in my badgering you for answers you can't give."

We arrived at a relatively barren patch of earth, and Gerrard stopped. "What do you think about this? Would it do for whatever you'd have in mind?"

I judged how far we'd walked from the palace and the overall dimensions. Both seemed reasonable enough. The space was large enough that I could do just about anything imaginable, being at least twice the size of the garden I'd had before. And given that we were at least ten or fifteen minutes from the palace, I was sure most would-be intruders would be deterred from bothering me. I wondered if that had been Lord Gerrard's design all along.

"It's fine, but if I might ask- what happened here," I asked with a nod to the bare ground. "Looks like this area has recently been torn apart."

"Aye, it has."

"Any particular reason?"

"We got a bit behind this spring, and let this area lie fallow. But of course, that invited some virulent weeds to run wild over the place. My crew's been working double to get all of it ripped out. Must have just finished this section yesterday."

I knew immediately what he was referring to when the man said 'virulent weed'. Distar. And by the contempt in his voice, I could gauge his low opinion of the plant. Not surprising in the least that he hated it so; most gardeners and landscape artists did. No good would come of my trying to point out its redeeming qualities to him, so I pretended that I understood his frustration. No need to get into a heated argument about that when we'd only just begun. I'd save that for another day. For now, I'd rather strike whatever bargain I needed to make with Gerrard to get what I wanted.

"Well, if you're willing to let me tend to this piece of the palace grounds, I'll transform it into something productive in no time. You won't have to worry about keeping an eye on it at all, and can focus on other areas that need attention."

"It's a deal." He pulled out a silver key and handed it to me. "This goes to a shed of tools about two minutes' walk down the path there. Feel free to use any of them to take care of this plot. And let me know if you need any help obtaining plants for the garden bed when you're ready for them. We can transplant from other gardens or have them purchased from vendors in the city for anything not on hand."

"Thanks, I will."

"I'll leave you to it, then."

As I watched him disappear down the path, I smiled. This place was _mine _now, and I knew just what I wanted to do with it.

"So how goes things up at the palace," Timar asked good-naturedly. Thor chose a chair partly dappled with sunlight from the large window and collapsed wearily. When he didn't answer, his friend tried again. "How's your cousin doing?"

"Don't ask."

"It can't be _that_ bad. I mean, I know it'll take time for her to get over what that bastard did to her- I'm dealing with some of that here with Marie, and what she suffered at Eckert's hands wasn't anywhere near as bad. But Lady Lilith must have some strength in her if she was able to survive what she did."

"You misunderstand me, Timar. Lilith is by no means a scurrying mouse afraid of her own shadow. The problem we're all having with her is quite the opposite."

Timar frowned at him as he picked up a glass of water on the cherry wood table sitting between them.

"Well, I'm officially confused."

"You wouldn't be if you saw her verbally rip the Allfather up one side and down the other during dinner."

"Really? She yelled at Odin?"

"Yelled is a tame way of putting it."

"I just can't picture what that would look like. I remember your cousin from the days before she went to Danethar- she didn't strike me as someone who argued with anyone, much less the Allfather."

Thor considered the warrior's point, and couldn't disagree with his assessment. Before she'd left the palace, Lilith never argued or spoke her mind about anything. He wondered how much of that had been the spells Odin had ordered the mage to cast on her. Even more than that, he was beginning to suspect that perhaps those spells were wearing off, and Lilith's recent personality change was more in keeping with what it always would have been. Not the most comforting of thoughts, and he sighed reluctantly.

"That was then; this is now."

"I see. And I'm guessing if she's that way with Odin, then you must not fare much better."

"Not in the same way. Thank the gods she's not angry at me, but she's not one to mince words to spare anyone's feelings these days."

"My condolences, but my advice is to give her time. I'm sure things will get better."

Despite Timar's optimism, Thor was not quite convinced. Perhaps he would share the same opinion of his friend if he didn't have information the warrior did not know. The complication with Loki being the biggest factor. Although Timar had been present the night of the rescue, and at Danethar's final hearing, he wasn't privy to all of the details about why Loki was involved in any of it. Thor had been very careful to keep that information well-guarded. Until today, anyway. On his way to the drilling field after this morning's confrontation with Loki, he made a decision that he needed to talk to someone about what was driving him crazy. He'd thought Timar the best choice, and was hoping that his friend would have some useful advice. Time to find out if his decision had been the right one.

"If only it were that easy, Timar. But it's all so much more complicated than just Lilith."

"Women are plenty complicated, so it must be serious if you're telling me there's something worse."

"Very serious."

"And are you going to tell me about it, or what," the warrior prompted.

"I am- but before I do, I want to make it abundantly clear that what I'm about to tell you is not- I repeat _not_\- to be repeated. To anyone."

"All right."

"I want your word on it, Timar. If I find out later that you tell anyone about what I'm about to say, I swear I'll see you thrown off the Bifrost- _personally_."

His friend set the glass down on the table and studied him for several minutes, having decided that Thor was indeed sincere in that threat. And at first, he thought Timar might change his mind about wanting to hear what he had to say. Then he stuck out his arm; Thor clasped it tightly with his own.

"My word, Thor. Not a word. To anyone." They let go of one another. "So…what's so secret?"

"Oddly enough- secrets. The whole family is keeping in confidence some key details about what happened to Lilith."

"Well, that I can't say I'm surprised to hear. I mean, Sif and the rest of us all suspected something was odd about the situation when Odin summoned us in the dead of night to Danethar's home. And then we get there and saw- well, you know what we all saw. Obviously a scene like that has a backstory behind it that none of us were given as part of our orders."

"I don't mean secrets from the other warriors or Asgardians in general. I mean from Lilith. We've been keeping things from Lilith since she awakened."

"You mean she doesn't know what happened that night? Not that it's not the worst thing in the world if she doesn't remember Danethar's attack, but…"

Thor shook his head, somewhat frustrated that Timar kept interrupting him.

"Not like that. I wish she _didn't_ remember any of that, but Lilith most certainly does."

"So what else is there?"

"A lot. And most of the details I can't even tell you- promise or not. It's just too dangerous for anyone to know about it. But I can tell you that most of the secrets involve my brother."

"Loki?"

"Yeah, Loki."

If he thought his friend was going to pepper him with questions, he was mistaken. Quite the surprise, really, to see him mulling it over silently to himself. Then Timar spoke, and really threw him off-stride.

"Are the rumors true, then?"

"What rumors?"

"Sif and I were talking the other day- trading theories about what all happened in that house before we got there. And about what we'd heard happened up at the palace after Danethar's first audience. She said one of the mages there that night told her that the Allfather imprisoned Loki after a heated argument about Odin's decision. And she also said that you broke him out of the dungeons…against the command of your father. The way Sif saw it, you'd only do that for one reason."

He didn't want to ask. Already his gut tightened at how close these so-called theories and rumors were to the truth. Still, Thor knew he had to hear this all the way through. If people were already talking, best to find out now. _Not that we're going to be able to _do_ anything about it._ Hearing Timar's perspective, it was becoming obvious that they'd had no chance of keeping this closeted amongst themselves. Thor only hoped that they could at least keep it from reaching Lilith's ears, and that was a slim hope at best. He exhaled heavily and waved his friend to continue.

"And what might that be?"

"Now I'm not saying I agree with her…"

"Out with it, Timar. What did Sif say?"

"She says Loki cares for your cousin."

Just as he feared. Loki was going to be ten times worse to deal with once he discovered that his interest in Lilith wasn't as secret as he thought it was. Thor passed a hand across his face, wondering how he could get himself out of this mess. Meanwhile, Timar continued to chatter away, oblivious to the effect the news had on him.

"I know- crazy. That's what _I _told her, too. I mean, maybe I believe the argument with Odin thing. After all, Loki would pit himself against your father over just about anything. And maybe it got heated enough that the Allfather would threaten to have him locked up. But the rest of it- and especially that he actually has _feelings_ for someone. I don't know what Sif is thinking to even-"

By now, his friend must have seen the look on Thor's face. He broke off his opinion of Sif's theory mid-sentence.

"Thor? It's just a silly rumor, right? He can't seriously…?"

"It's no rumor, and my brother doesn't just have feelings for her. He's in love with Lilith."

Stunned silence followed a long time as the warrior processed what he'd just been told. Once he had, the man asked a question Thor wasn't expecting.

"Is that why the Allfather turned Danethar over to him?"

"Partly, but that's all I can tell you about it."

"Gods- what do you suppose he did to the man for his execution?" When Thor again hesitated to answer, Timar gaped at him. "He's not dead yet- is he? It's been what- four or five days since you both brought him back form Jotunheim. What could take Loki that long?"

"I don't ask, Timar. There are some things I just don't want to know. And what goes on between my brother and Danethar in the palace dungeons is one of them."

"I'm guessing the Lady Lilith is unaware of all of this- part of those secrets you said were being kept from her?"

"You are correct. Lilith doesn't know and Loki wants to keep it that way."

"Forever?"

"It sure _feels_ like it," Thor complained. "But no. It's just until…Hel, I don't know. He has some plan, but won't tell anyone what it is. All I know is we're all keeping his secrets from Lilith and anyone else outside the family. And that's where we get back to complicated. I don't know how much longer I can deal with all the secrecy, Timar. It's just too damned hard to keep it all straight, and every time I talk to her, I seem to say something that gets me into trouble."

"With the Allfather?"

Thor snorted in irritation. "I wish. With Loki. Just this morning I got another lecture from him."

"Why do you put up with it?"

"It's just Loki is so…" he couldn't find the right words to describe what it was like to deal with the new Loki. At least none that wouldn't get him maimed or worse if his brother ever found out he'd said them.

"Tyrannical?" Timar supplied helpfully. "We all know what he's like, Thor."

_No, you don't. You know what he _used _to be like. But since this thing with Lilith began, I'm still not sure what he is now._ He couldn't say any of that, but felt he needed to defend his brother in some way.

"Not quite the word I was looking for. More unpredictable and intense. At least when it comes to Lilith, anyway. And for the most part, he's right. I can't just walk up to Lilith and spill my guts about everything. It wouldn't be right. The few things I _have_ said have made things worse."

And who knew what was going to happen at dinner this evening. After that first night, Odin had left it up to Lilith whether she wished to eat with the rest of them- or not. She'd chosen to attend, but had pointedly ignored Frigga and the Allfather during those meals. Instead, Lilith spent that time talking with him or Loki. But given what he'd read in her letter, she had no interest in speaking with his brother- leaving _him_ to carry on alone. And that's if she did come at all. Thor rather hoped she _wouldn't_.

"So," Timar began in the pause of the conversation. "How exactly did you want me to help with this?"

"You're married."

"Yes. I'm well aware of that. What of it?"

"You'd know what kinds of interests women have and could give me pointers of things I could ask my cousin."

"And again- you've lost me."

"Loki suggested that if I was determined to talk to Lilith, I try asking her about her interests to steer clear of all the stuff I'm not supposed to bring up around her. But I have no idea where to begin. That's why I thought to come to you for advice."

"You could have asked Sif."

"Well I don't know if that would help. Sif isn't quite like most women. Lilith has more in common with Birgitta."

"Why," demanded a sharp-toned female voice behind them. Thor saw Timar cringe.

"Now you've done it," his friend muttered under his breath.

"Done what?"

Birgitta marched around to the middle of the room, planting herself in his line of sight. With her hands on her hips she looked downright furious. Thor flicked a puzzled glance to Timar.

"What did I do?" he repeated.

"You just _assume_ that because Lilith was married to a warrior that she's like me? That we're all the same and have the same interests?"

That from Birgitta. Boy she sounded pissed at him, but at least now he had some idea why. From his point of view, though, her anger seemed a bit unfair.

"I'm not saying all women are the same," he defended himself. "I just thought that based on what I know of my cousin, her interests don't seem to match what would interest someone like Sif."

"How would you know? Do you even know what Sif does for fun- besides training and battle?"

"That's a trap," Timar whispered. "For the love of the gods, don't answer it unless you want a lecture."

Birgitta shot her husband a burning glare, having heard his comment.

"My love, you know I'm right," the man protested.

She harrumphed, but the look on her face softened. Until she turned back to him, that is. Then it was back in full force.

"Well?"

"I confess I don't."

"Then how do you know she has nothing in common with Lilith?"

"I guess I don't," he admitted.

"So why does it make any more sense to ask Timar for advice than Sif?"

"It doesn't."

_I never should have gotten out of bed this morning,_ he thought miserably. _All I've managed to do is get yelled at from the very start of it._

Timar, you really should train your friends better about women," Birgitta told her husband. "It's the least you can do if they're training you in fighting."

"Yes, my love. I see the wisdom in your advice."

"Good. Now if you'll excuse me, I just came in here to see if you needed anything from the kitchen."

"I believe we're fine."

"Suit yourselves. I'll leave you to get back to your discussion. While I'm gone, maybe you can help Thor sort out his mess with his cousin in a more _logical_ way."

Once she was out of earshot, Timar doubled over in his chair and let out an irritated groan.

"If you're prone to saying things like that around Lady Lilith, then I can see why your brother is so frustrated with you. Birgitta's in the room less than a minute and you've sufficiently riled her up and gotten us _both_ in trouble."

"So you see why I need help?"

"Yes, and more than you thought, I'll wager. All right, let's see what I can do for today…"

No one had seen Lilith since late this morning- or early this afternoon, in the case of his mother. When Loki had seen Frigga a few hours go, she'd mentioned something about Lilith meeting with the chief landscaper about a garden. Not surprising. He'd wondered how long it would take for her to inquire about having one here, given how much he knew she loved the one Danethar had destroyed. Since she hadn't been seen in the palace after that, he figured that she spent the rest of the day working on it. But Loki hadn't dared go looking for her, fearing that it would only spark yet another confrontation between them. So to occupy himself for a few hours, he paid Danethar a visit.

His prey had suffered dearly for the Loki's setback with Lilith this morning. By the time he'd finished with the man, he was almost as bloody as Danethar was. It had sprayed across his skin in delicate fanlike patterns and was soaked into the sleeves of his shirt. Next time, he'd have to remember to wear something that wouldn't get in the way. Despite the mess, the damage Loki had inflicted was far from fatal. Much to Danethar's dismay, he imagined. The former warrior had once again begged for death; and as before, Loki had denied him his request. Before teleporting to his suite, he'd merely healed the critical wounds and locked the man back in his cell. Teleporting had been necessary; far safer than risking someone might see him in that state- namely that _Lilith_ might see him.

Thoughts of his session with Danethar kept him from dwelling on the apprehension of what might happen when Lilith appeared for dinner tonight. Loki- showered and changed into clean clothes- sat at the table across from Thor. To him, his brother didn't look half as nervous as he ought to be. Granted, he hadn't heard the news of how things had gone after Loki left him at breakfast. Like Lilith, Thor had been absent from the palace all afternoon and had only just returned. Since she was nowhere to be seen in the dining hall, maybe he ought to warn him.

"Thor," he whispered in a low voice. "There's something you need to know before Lilith arrives."

"According to Timar and Birgitta, I need to know a lot."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Spent the afternoon taking your advice. Timar gave me some ideas about getting Lilith to talk about her interests. So you should be thanking me for the trouble."

"Yeah, well, much as I appreciate the effort, you may have wasted your time."

"How's that?"

"I didn't fix the problem; now she not only suspects _my_ motives for spending time with her, but also the rest of the family's motives- including _yours._"

"How in the…what the Hel did you say to her to make her do that?"

"I didn't make her do anything. It just happened. We both lost our tempers and in the argument that followed, Lilith came to the conclusion on her own."

"Well that's just great."

"You think _I'm_ happy about the outcome," he hissed back at him.

"No, of course not. But damn, Loki, what are we going to do?"

"Working on it, but as of yet…" he sighed. "No idea."

Thor was about to answer when Lilith entered the room. She was wearing the same style clothes as he'd seen the past few days- leggings and a fitted short-sleeved jacket. Today she'd chosen grey and black. If she even gave thought to how she might look to others, Lilith probably thought the clothes didn't invite attention to her in the way a gown would. An assumption Loki could attest was dead wrong. Maybe on someone else they would have seemed ill-suited for a lady, but on Lilith…He snapped his eyes down to the table to avoid the temptation of staring at her.

She chose a set equidistant from both ends of the table, making it clear that she was in no mood for conversation with anyone. A glance at Thor showed that he'd noticed as well. Neither of them dared say anything to her, and concentrated on the meal. The whole meal felt very much like that first evening- or worse. Loki felt her animosity for all of them as surely as if she held a neon sign with the words glowing 'I hate you' written in bright letters. His mood sunk lower the more time went on, and he did little more than push food around his plate.

"I had an interesting conversation with Lord Gerrard today," Lilith announced suddenly. She was glaring at Odin, so Loki hoped whatever she was about to bring up had nothing to do with him. "Or at least I _would_ have, but it seems _someone_ has ordered the palace staff to pretend they're mute around me." She narrowed her eyes. "I get the impression that said someone is present at this table and I want a damned explanation. _Now_."

Fear tingled along his spine at the tone in her voice. Not to mention at the concern that everyone would look to him to give Lilith the answers she was seeking. Just one glance from any of them in his direction would give him away. But no one betrayed his secret. Loki couldn't suppress his surprised relief when Odin cleared his throat to take on the task himself.

"We thought it best to keep the speculation and questions to a minimum, Lilith. To give you privacy."

"Is it _my_ privacy you were concerned about- or what questions they might start asking about _you_ once I start talking?"

"I realize you are angry, but I assure you that all of us have your best interest in mind."

"Do you," she queried archly. "Do you _really_?"

"Of course, Lilith. What else could we want?"

_Oh why did you ask that, Odin? _Loki dreaded Lilith's answer, though he already knew what she was going to say. And perhaps that's why Odin had asked the question- deliberately provoke her into discussing the gates. It was either that, or the Allfather was just plain crazy.

"Oh I don't know," she replied scornfully. "Maybe your top concern has more to do with my talent for creating gateways to other realms than with me personally."

And there it was, just as he'd feared. Odin and Frigga were both shocked, meaning neither one of them had expected Lilith to make the accusation so directly. They should have. If they'd been paying attention to how she'd changed since returning to the palace, they would have known she wasn't going to let this go quietly. Thor seemed to be on the same page with Loki, his expression more one of stoic resignation than surprise. Question was- what was Odin going to do now that the line had been drawn in the sand?

"Why would you think such a thing, Lilith?"

_Not exactly the direction I would have chosen in your place, and certainly doesn't seem to be the smartest._ The Allfather's question only seemed to infuriate Lilith all the more.

"You all ignore me- or worse- for decades. The unwanted cast-off of some distant and long-dead branch of the family. And just weeks after learning about my talent, suddenly I'm worthy of your precious time. Why do you think I would find the correlation a little too convenient to be mere coincidence?"

The accusation laid heavily on everyone in the room, and for a long while no one spoke. Loki kept his gaze far from hers, knowing he didn't want to see the way she'd look at him. Once exceeded enough for today- especially on this particular topic. He also avoided Odin's eye. If the Allfather chose to expose the whole truth to her now, Loki couldn't bear witnessing that, either. He held his breath and waited for the impending disaster. By some miracle, it didn't come. Instead, Odin once more shouldered the blame.

"I am sorry that you feel that you were not important to us, but…"

"But nothing," Lilith interrupted him. "So save your speech about how you did care, but couldn't show it for whatever damn reason. I'm not buying it." She pushed her chair back and stood. "Let me be clear so I won't have to repeat myself: No one is using my gates. For any reason. I don't care if they're the last thing standing between Asgard and complete annihilation. And since that's all you want, I'd appreciate it if everyone just left me the Hel alone and kept out of my life."

With that said, Lilith stalked out of the room. The sound of her boot heels on the marble may as well have been nails in a coffin to Loki. No doubt she meant what she said, and would fight against any attempt from him to reconcile their argument. He set his fork down on the plate and sunk his head in his hands. Even though he couldn't see the rest of them, he knew they were looking right at him.

"Well, you've really done it now."

"Thor, shut up," he snapped irritably without lifting his head.

"I'm just saying that she wasn't this angry after I talked with her."

"Seriously. Just stuff it. I'm so not in the mood for your condescension right now."

"I'm curious why you talked to Lilith about the gates in the first place, Thor," came Odin's imperious tone from the opposite end of the table. "It would seem that the largest blame for this debacle begins with that conversation."

"But…"

"You were told not to engage in any subject that could upset Lilith's recovery. What about that command was unclear?"

A pause. "Nothing, father."

Loki couldn't take any pleasure in knowing that for once Odin had taken his side over Thor's. He was too preoccupied with his own thoughts to give it much attention. _Maybe I have no choice, _he conceded reluctantly. _If I want to help Lilith- and myself- I may _have_ to resurrect 'Ilsa'_. Not a pleasant thought, but given Lilith's order that they stay away…not much else he could do. Loki was mulling over possible strategies when he realized Odin had asked him a question. He sat up and tried not to look as depressed as he felt.

"Sorry- what?"

"I asked you whether you thought you could fix this."

"Fix what? That she's upset with me- or her anger with all of you?"

"Well of course fixing the issues between Lilith and yourself would come first, but…"

"Because in the case of the latter, Lilith has a point. Just not for the reasons she believes. And I'm not sure _I_ should have to be the one to fix _your_ problem. As you can see- I have enough of my own to worry about."

Odin sighed heavily.

"Your argument on that score is well heard and duly noted. But back to the more pressing matter- can you fix this?"

"That's up to Lilith, but you can be sure I'm going to try."


	28. Chapter 27: The Guise of Friendship

The Bifrost was quiet lately, and Heimdall was grateful that he didn't have much else to worry about from beyond Asgard. He had enough trouble keeping tabs on the situation up at the palace. Since Lilith's attempt to pry answers out of him about 'Ilsa', she'd been at odds with the rest of the family. And after an especially heated argument she had with Loki in her suite, things had progressed into an all-out war. Heimdall hadn't caught enough of it to understand what started the fight, but it must have been serious. That had been several days ago, though. Lately she spent most of her time keeping everyone at a distance.

_And still no one comes to explain any of what's going on to me_, he complained inwardly. _Thor could at least have come by after they brought Danethar back from Jotunheim. _ But the Thunder God hadn't deigned to drop by even once, nor had he made an attempt to give him an update after the few training sessions Heimdall had attended since. So he'd made do with what he could glean from things here and there that snagged his attention. And with whatever Sif could tell him. But her knowledge was mostly theoretical, and he couldn't credit it as telling the whole story.

Seeking answers, his watchful eye passed over Lilith. Not surprisingly, she was once again working in her garden. Since she'd started a few days ago, she'd done little else from dawn to dusk. Heimdall much preferred these scenes to the ones that sometimes disturbed his rest at night, and shook his head. Nightmares. At least that's what he'd thought at first. But if that had been all, he doubted they would have required his attention. But these nightmares were different, and worried him. Whenever she was having them, Heimdall felt a disturbance akin to the kind she created when opening a gateway to that other realm. He hadn't physically _seen_ a gateway, though, which was why he hadn't brought it to anyone's attention yet.

A call from the edge of the Bifrost shifted his focus to the present. Sif, it sounded like. If she was back from duties up at the palace, maybe he'd get her to take watch for a while so he could seek out Thor himself. He stuck his head out the door to see what she wanted. Only his sister wasn't alone; Loki stood at her side. _Oh gods, what does _he _want?_ No telling what it could be, but he couldn't deny that the God of Mischief was once again crossing his domain. Decades had come and gone without the man setting foot on the bridge to Midgard. And yet over the past month, he'd done it no less than three times. Heimdall suspected he would enjoy this occasion no more than the others before it.

"Laufeyson," he greeted the god stiffly. "What brings you back to the Bifrost?"

"I need answers, Watchman. And since we didn't have time to play our favorite game during my last visit, I thought this the perfect opportunity to get them."

_Maybe _your_ favorite game, but hardly _mine. _But I guess I _did _say I wanted someone to give me answers about Lilith, and can't be too choosy on who's doing the telling._ Heimdall side-stepped to allow the Jotun inside. Hopefully, he wouldn't regret it.

"Lucky for you I want a few answers of my own."

Loki took a seat, seemingly unconcerned by the warning in his tone. Typical. Thor might say that Lilith had worked some change on the god's personality, but some things were too ingrained to be altered. Quite frankly, Heimdall would find it strange if he were to seem too humble. Strange and highly suspect. Humble Loki certainly was not, with that infuriatingly cocky grin of his. But something didn't seem quite right with it- a little too perfect. Heimdall looked past the cavalier attitude, studying minute signs that might give away Loki's true state of mind. A twitch here; a bit of strain around the eyes. No, the God of Mischief was far from confident.

"Shall I begin, then?"

"We're on my Bifrost, so I go first."

"If you insist," he conceded as if it didn't matter. "Your question, Watchman?"

Heimdall had thousands of questions, so he had to choose wisely if he hoped to catch Loki off-stride. So he began with one of the things he'd wanted to know since that last terrible day when Odin had called him to the palace. If he were to believe anything Sif had said about what she'd heard, the god would have an interesting response for him. He took his seat opposite Loki and tipped it backwards to balance on two legs.

"Why did the Allfather release Danethar after the first hearing?"

A pause. From the look on the god's face now, he'd picked exactly the right place to start. Loki tried to cover up his obvious discomfort with a short chuckle.

"Starting out tough, are you? Are you sure that's wise, given what I might ask in return?"

"Just answer it, or you won't get anything from me."

Loki's smile faded, leaving behind the eyes of a man tormented. The transformation was as surprising as it was swift, leading him to believe that the stories Sif had heard might be true. Heimdall was doubly curious how he would reply now, and forced himself to wait patiently. The chair beneath him squeaked as he rocked it forward and back again. Meanwhile, Loki laced and unlaced his fingers a few times before finally providing an answer.

"It's a long story."

"Doesn't bother me; I'm not going anywhere."

"You might not think so when you hear this one."

"You're stalling, Jotun. Tell the story or get off my Bifrost and don't come back."

"All right, all right. If you must know, he was using Danethar to teach a lesson."

"To who? Lilith? What the Hel was she supposed to learn from _him_?"

"Not her, Heimdall," Loki replied with a subtle shake of his head. "Me."

He was tempted to repeat his question, not understanding what the Allfather could have wanted to teach Loki by letting Danethar abuse Lilith in that way. But as he held his tongue and thought on it, a theory surfaced. Lilith had changed him, Thor said. From what Loki just said, perhaps Odin expected that to happen if he went to the house. Did he have something to do with why the god went there in the first place? The pieces were fitting together. Well, some of them did; others were still unclear.

"Then he's known all along that you were going to the house. I should have known when he never bothered asking me about it."

"The cook, Berda. Apparently she wasn't fooled by my disguise as 'Ilsa' and kept him well informed. In any case, I believe it's my turn."

"I'm not quite sure your explanation fully answered my question."

A ghost of the god's former smile returned.

"I don't recall that being part of the agreed upon rules. Besides, you'll have another turn soon enough."

"Oh fine then." It was easier not to argue with him. "What is it you want to know?"

"Have you been keeping an eye on Lilith lately?"

"Perhaps. Why?"

"She and the family…well we've had a bit of a falling out over her gates. I was interested to know whether she's as furious as she seems to be."

So that was the spark that ignited their argument the other day. But Heimdall found that raised more questions than it answered. Lilith had spoken with him as 'Ilsa' regarding her gates often enough without animosity between them. With that in mind, what had Loki said to cause her to change her mind against him? Unless…_no, they couldn't still be keeping that from her. She has to have been told by now who 'Ilsa' really was._ A sinking feeling in his gut told him that she hadn't. And that might explain a lot about what he'd seen lately. His chair landed with a thunk on the stone floor.

"And you came all the way out here to ask about it? Why not ask her?"

"If I could, I would. But Lilith isn't interested in talking to anyone, least of all me. So I'm here to ask the man who has an inside view, so to speak."

Given his predicament, not the worst of ideas, as Heimdall did have some insight to what the god wanted to know. Loki was right to suspect that Lilith may be hiding behind all that wrath she aimed at him. He didn't doubt she was angry, but it was just her defense against whatever else she felt about the situation. The few times he'd seen her lately when she was alone, angry was not how he would describe her mood. Unhappy suited her better. In the garden, Lilith worked like a woman possessed- as if burying herself in the physical demand of the project would keep her thoughts at bay. It worked, mostly, except every now and then when a preoccupied expression crossed her face and her hands stilled. And in her suite, Lilith grew more despondent. Heimdall had seen her at the piano or her cello, eyes bright with tears.

The question was- how much of that did he tell Loki? Despite knowing the God of Mischief's feelings for Lilith, he found it suspect that he'd done nothing to confess them to her. From what he'd seen this past week or so, Loki was still playing games- as he always feared he would. He might have saved her life- maybe even confessed to how he felt to Thor and the Allfather in a moment of temporary weakness- but now that the danger had passed, he was reluctant to give up his former life for Lilith. Maybe he thought he could take what he wanted without giving anything of himself. Wouldn't be the first time. So did he risk making things worse for her by giving the god an unfair advantage? No, until he had a better understanding of the god's intentions, he would give him the barest information that would satisfy the rules of their game. After all, hadn't Loki said that they were under no obligation to provide a _complete_ answer to any question? Just an answer.

"I can't profess to know what the Lady _thinks, _Jotun. I might have a sharp eye, but I can only see what is on the surface. And what I've seen so far tells me she has much reason to be angry."

Loki was no fool, and shot him a dark glare.

"Are you trying to play with me, Watchman?"

He should be careful, given the hint of fury in those clipped words. But Heimdall was feeling rather insolent, and couldn't resist the opportunity to gain the upper hand.

"Isn't that what you came here for? To play a game?"

"Look, you-"

"Or are you just annoyed because you're not winning?"

If looks alone could kill, Heimdall would be stone dead. Loki was on the verge of rising from his seat, fists curled tightly as if to strike. And in his current temper, he might actually try it, too. Heimdall might have a slight advantage against the man when it came to hand-to-hand combat, but he doubted that would matter to the Jotun. Not something he wanted to explain to Sif- or the Allfather, for that matter- if they did get into a fight here on the Bifrost. So perhaps he shouldn't have been so quick to taunt him. Fortunately, though, Loki calmed enough that he chose words instead of fists to communicate his displeasure.

"This is not_ that_ kind of game," he snarled.

"What kind is that?"

"This isn't something where if I lose I can try again. If I screw this up with Lilith there won't be any second chances. For me _or_ her."

Not quite the answer he'd been expecting. Nonetheless, it was at least encouraging. If he wasn't just telling a clever lie, it almost sounded as though he was thinking of someone other than himself. He studied the God of Mischief and decided to play the last card he had to find out the truth.

"And just what is it that you want with her, Loki Laufeyson? Lilith isn't some toy for you to steal because it belongs to someone else. She-"

"Doesn't belong to anyone, and don't you forget it, Heimdall. But she belongs _with_ me. That's what I want. And all I came here for was _your_ help in making that happen."

That was likely the closest he would come to getting Loki to admit what he felt for the Lady. For him, it was good enough. "Why not just tell _her_ that," he suggested after a few moments of awkward silence.

"Did you not hear what I told you before? The Allfather had her _tortured_ for my sake. You know the things that bastard did to her these past few months. I can't just pretend that's not going to cause problems when she finds out."

Heimdall gaped at the man, completely stunned.

"She doesn't know yet?"

This time, Loki did vacate his chair- rather quickly, actually. He leapt from it as if the seat were on fire. When he answered, the man didn't look once in his direction, preferring to stare at his hands instead. A mirthless laugh escaped him just before he answered; the hopelessness in it gave Heimdall cause to shiver.

"No, she doesn't. And it's not just Danethar and the past three months. It's a lifetime of wrongs I can even begin to explain. But I know where it'll end when I finally tell her. Or at least if I haven't done something to prove to Lilith that it wasn't for nothing before I do."

Loki paced the room, almost talking to himself more than to Heimdall. He'd never seen the god so agitated and…uncertain. Truly, he had no plan, and seemed to have come here as a last resort for answer. _I suppose I could give him a little more help, since he seems quite genuine this time._

"I don't know exactly what was said between the two of you during your last argument, but it's made Lilith deeply unhappy," he said at last. "That's why she's so angry, I think. Doesn't like feeling upset, so she gets mad about it."

The God of Mischief was thoughtful, though he didn't stop moving. When he spoke, Heimdall could hear the doubt in his voice.

"We only had those first two days before things fell apart. Maybe it was enough. Heimdall- do you…think she misses me at all?"

Hearing the ambiguous description of the days preceding Loki and Lilith's argument, Heimdall could guess what her recent change of mood might mean. Certainly she looked and aced like a woman who missed someone she cared for, but he didn't dare say it aloud. If his theory was wrong, and Loki acted on it with disastrous consequences, Danethar wouldn't be the only one feeling the depths of the god's wrath. And so he gave a non-committal sigh and combed a hand through his hair.

"I wish I could tell you that I knew either way, but all games aside…I don't know. And I don't think she's going to be easily convinced to set aside the anger to confess what's behind it. Not to any of you, anyway." _Definitely not to you, Jotun, _he added silently.

Loki's steps had taken him to the archway out to the Bifrost. He leaned forward to rest his head against the doorframe and closed his eyes wearily.

"Lately, I've been thinking the same thing. I was hoping coming here would convince me otherwise, but my fortunes haven't changed, it would seem."

He moved as if to leave, but Heimdall stopped him with one final question.

"Loki- the lesson the Allfather wanted to teach you. Did you learn it?"

"I'll never forget it, Heimdall. Not ever."

That hadn't gone exactly as Loki had planned. Rather, not at all as he'd planned. Heimdall was proving to be a far more challenging opponent than he had anticipated, asking questions that spun the conversation out of Loki's favor. He stepped off the Bifrost to return to Asgard, passing Sif on his way, and wondered when anything would be in his favor again.

"Find out what you wanted to know," she asked jovially.

Startled that she had any interest in addressing him, Loki paused. Sif moved closer, effectively blocking his means of getting back to the palace. Quite the switch; usually, she was trying to prevent his entry _to_ the Bifrost, not his _leaving _it. Even stranger, she sounded…far more amiable than usual. They tended not to get along, since more often than not she was deputized to help put down his rebellions alongside his brother. So why was she making nice with him all of a sudden? Loki found he didn't trust it, and narrowed his eyes warily at her.

"What's it to you either way?"

"Relax, Jotun, I was just asking."

"Whatever I found out was between me and the Watchman," he answered curtly. "And that's how I intend to keep it. Now can I go or what?"

"What's the rush? You have somewhere to be?"

_What in the Hel is going on? Is she really inviting me to stick around and…talk?_ Maybe if he didn't have so much else going on at the moment, he would entertain the idea- just to see what she wanted. But at the present he had two goals that occupied his time; torture Danethar and fix things with Lilith. This mystery with Sif would just have to wait until both of those were taken care of. So he waved a hand towards the city and adopted an urgent tone.

"I do, actually. An appointment with someone, and it's important not to miss it."

"Suit yourself. Wouldn't want to keep whoever it is waiting," she replied with a grin. Sif's look was…knowing, and too unsettling for his comfort. Loki didn't know what she thought he meant by what he'd said, but clearly it told her something. "I'll see you around, Jotun."

She sauntered away, leaving him completely nonplussed. Loki did little more than manage a vague, monosyllabic response.

"Sure."

Shaking himself from his daze, Loki continued on his way. He supposed he could have just teleported, but the walk gave him time alone to think. Mostly about what Heimdall told him regarding Lilith. While he hadn't quite gotten the answers he'd been hoping for, what the warrior had said told him plenty. At the very least, it confirmed his growing suspicion over the past few days. Lilith _was_ hiding something behind all that hostile anger. But as Heimdall had pointed out, she wasn't going to let any of them get close enough to hear her admit it- much less find out what it was.

And that's where he was stuck. The rest of the walk to the palace, he played out and rejected idea after idea for getting Lilith to confide in him again. Pointless. They were all the same ideas he'd been circling around since their argument. Loki pushed open the door to his suite and kept walking until he stood beside the enormous four-poster bed that dominated the bedroom. Without bothering to remove even his boots, he stretched out on the deep emerald coverlet, staring at the canopy above him. As he moved to rest his hands under his head, his elbow bumped something solid.

Loki glanced over to see the third book in the series Lilith had recommended to him. Last night he'd finished the thirteenth chapter, and was reminded of a bit of wisdom one of the characters had imparted: Sometimes a friend must become an enemy to remain a friend. While not an exact parallel to his current situation with Lilith, perhaps there was something to learn from it. To unlock the secrets she was keeping, he may need to become something he'd rather not.

_Meaning I'll have to bring Ilsa back._

Meaning he'd need a damned good explanation as to why it's taken her so long to reappear in Lilith's life. And preferably one that was as close to the truth as he could manage without giving anything away. Loki knew no matter what he told her, at least _some _part of it was going to be a lie. But the less he had to answer to later, the better. Loki picked up the book and flipped idly through the pages, almost wishing he could ask his favorite character for his thoughts on what he would suggest. He was sure they would have very similar views on the situation and he could use a second mind to solve the problem. But all he had was himself.

_Or do I,_ the voice in his mind countered. _If Lilith created Micharea, I wonder if she could create this realm, too._

Not that considering that possibility would do him any good right now. Even if she _could_, he was far from able to ask her about it. If he were, he wouldn't be in the trouble that inspired the train of thought in the first place. So that was a dead end. At least until he'd gotten Lilith to forgive him, anyway. Loki tossed the book gently onto the bed beside him and exhaled with a frustrated sigh. He needed to come up with _something._

But as the minutes crawled by with no solution for his predicament, Loki was growing impatient with himself. Never had he had such difficulty coming up with a plan of action, and he'd certainly designed more complex strategies then this required. _Perhaps the difficulty lay in the fact that it _is_ so simple,_ he admitted. _Without all the details and twists, it's easier to spot where I may have forgotten something. I have to be that much more careful not to make a mistake._ So what would Lilith believe? What would _he_ believe in her place?

Any excuse that 'Ilsa' had been hiding from Danethar would not be high on that list. The woman hadn't shown any sense of fear for the man before. Not to mention the former warrior had been apprehended and- as far as Lilith knew- executed well over a week ago. So that was out. Nor would Lilith believe 'Ilsa' had been called away from the city _just_ when the situation with Danethar had come to a climax. Loki played with the idea of blaming Odin and Frigga, saying that they'd tried to keep 'Ilsa' away from her. But if Lilith confronted them, he might push the Allfather too far. Not a wise move.

He'd nearly given up hope of finding an acceptable explanation when an epiphany struck him. Loki jackknifed to a sitting position. How could he not have seen it from the very beginning? He'd been so focused on what lie to tell that he'd missed the obvious truth that would serve him much better. Hadn't he said it himself a half-dozen times since the last night with Danethar? Just like him, 'Ilsa' would fear that Lilith would hate her for what happened. That she'd see it all as her fault, and that Lilith wouldn't _want_ to see her. It was so perfect that he couldn't possibly see how it would fail.

_Unless she asks what 'Ilsa's' true name is_, his thoughts cautioned. _Maddie confirmed that it's an alias for someone else. What if Lilith demands to know who's behind it?_ Loki was momentarily thwarted, and fell backwards again. A breeze wafted in through the open window, offering relief from the stuffiness of the hot summer air in his suite, but made little improvement on his quandary. _I suppose that's where the lies will come to play, _he conceded reluctantly. _I just hope that's the only time I'll need them._

He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and stood. No better time than the present to get started, or to keep himself from changing his mind about doing this. Lilith would be in her garden now, just as she had been for the past four days. What better place could he choose- to be reunited in a place similar to where they'd spent so many hours together at Danethar's home? Hopefully, Lilith would recall only the good times, and not how they'd last seen _that_ particular garden. Loki faced the full length mirror on the opposite side of the room. With a deep breath, he shifted into his disguise.

In seconds, the face staring back at him belonged to Ilsa. Familiar and strange at the same time. He worried that Lilith would recognize the former in the latter, and she'd realize he was behind the disguise. The eyes were perhaps the most likely to give him away, as they were exactly the same. Tempting to alter them just enough to avoid the obvious comparison- a different shade or even give them a different shape. But he turned away from the mirror without doing either. Far worse if Lilith noticed that something was different and became suspicious. Changing 'Ilsa's' appearance might push her to think that he was pretending to be the woman to trick her. Best to leave it alone and take his chances.

Satisfied with his disguise, he left the suite. Sadly, teleporting was once again not an option. Lilith would find it highly suspect if she caught 'Ilsa' teleporting to the gardens. He'd have to suffer the walk, and whomever he might cross paths with on the way. So naturally when he gotten no more than a few steps, Loki encountered the last person he wanted to see just now. His mother was just reaching the top of the stairs, and spotted him immediately. She stopped short in her surprise, which wouldn't last long, he imagined. Surely Frigga would come out with the 'I told you so' that Loki so dreaded hearing. And since he had no choice but to use the same staircase, he had little way of avoiding hearing it.

"So you've decided to bring 'Ilsa' back to deal with Lilith," she said at last. Not quite the words he was expecting, but the tone was close enough.

"I don't want to, Mother, but I've run out of alternatives."

"I hope it isn't the disaster you think it will be."

"That makes two of us."

"Are you off to find Lilith now, then?"

"I expect it won't take long. She's likely in the garden."

"I wish you luck, my son."

"Thank you. I will need it."

With that, Loki passed her on the stairs and headed for the path that would take him to Lilith. The gods were kind, and he met no one else- like Thor- on his way. One awkward conversation was enough. Plus, it gave him time to rehears his story for Lilith. Truth it may be, but the delivery was important if she was going to believe it. By the time he'd reached the end of the path, Loki felt he was ready. Or as ready as he was ever going to be. So when he saw Lilith kneeling next to a raised bed of earth, back to him, he coughed lightly to get her attention.

I'd heard footsteps approaching, but had hoped they would pass by to the next garden. During the day, many Asgardians visited the palace grounds, so I got used to their comings and goings. But the sound had stopped. Apparently, whoever it was had come to see me. Perhaps it was Gerrard, checking in to see if I was ready for planting yet. I wasn't, of course, but I could hope that he'd just gotten impatient waiting for me to make a decision. Brushing the dirt from my hands, I twisted around to see if my theory was correct.

_Couldn't have been more wrong if I'd tried,_ I thought mutely as I beheld the last person I'd ever expected to see. And for a few minutes, I almost couldn't believe what I was seeing. A thousand things and feelings raced through my mind. I was happy to see her again, but angry that she'd waited so long to come here; wanted to throw my arms around her, and yet didn't want to allow myself to get close.

"Ilsa?" I dared ask when my brain was coherent enough to manage words.

"I, um, imagine you're a little surprised to see me," the woman answered uncertainly.

"Surprised doesn't even begin to cover it," I remarked and pushed myself to my feet. "Considering that for the past week I've believed you were _dead._"

Ilsa's eyes widened in shock, and she seemed at a loss for words herself. As I waited for her to respond, I lifted my hair away from the back of my neck, hoping to catch a breeze. The day was too blasted hot, and I was roasting out in the sun. The woman must have realized that I wasn't going to move on unless she made some comment first.

"Dead? But why would you…"

"Danethar made it very clear that his plan was to get rid of you once he was done with me. Then you disappear and no one would tell me the truth of where you'd gone. What else was I to think?"

"Oh."

At the mention of Danethar's name, Ilsa colored slightly and her eyes shifted away from mine. I imagined she'd heard the stories just like everyone else about what happened that night. And given that she'd seen enough personally from the other times he'd beaten and abused me, no doubt she had a better mental picture of what I must have looked like when he was through with me. I saw no point in worrying myself about it or feeling embarrassed. All that did was waste time and energy on things that happened and were over. Perhaps if I gave Ilsa something else to focus on, she'd move on, too.

"I sure hope you have a better explanation than that for where you've been. Because I think I deserve one."

It worked. Ilsa nodded, looking more confident than a moment ago.

"I know, and that's why I finally decided I should come here."

"Well?"

"I didn't think you'd want to see me again," Ilsa admitted, lifting her shoulders in a weak shrug. "For what happened to you on my account. I thought it best to just stay away."

Before I told her that she was being ridiculous, I gave myself a minute to think. When Ilsa and I parted for the last time, my thoughts hadn't been so charitable towards her- especially after Maddie's visit when I'd learned what Ilsa had done upon leaving the house. If she'd come back that day, I would have been capable of telling Ilsa that I never wanted to see her again. And I would have meant it. She wasn't stupid, and likely picked up on how I'd felt even without my saying it. So could I blame her for having done what she believed I'd wanted?

_No, I guess I really can't._

"Okay, yeah, I wasn't particularly happy with you that day, so I guess I can see why you'd think that."

"And then when I heard what happened after…Lilith, I never meant for _any_ of that to happen. I thought if I told them the truth that they'd do something to help."

"I know, Ilsa. I know."

Her confession sounded sincere, but I had to ask the question that had haunted me for weeks now. Or I'd never be able to be easy around her. I wanted to be; I missed her and the tentative friendship that had grown between us. I wanted that back. But that meant bringing up things I might rather not know. Didn't matter- it had to be done.

"Ilsa- why did you come to Danethar's home seeking to become my personal maid? An honest answer. I don't care whatever it is, but I want you to tell me."

The woman was unprepared for that question from what I could see. No doubt she'd thought I'd ask her more about what she'd done that morning before Danethar's final attack, or perhaps what she'd been doing since. And I certainly meant to get back to that. But I wasn't going to let her wriggle out of answering me about this, though. She fidgeted with her hands; I merely waited, resolute in my determination to wait out her reluctance to give me an explanation. Meanwhile, my determination against the heat was far less sure to win out. My short-sleeved shirt was stuck to the hollow of my lower back and the sun beat rays upon my skull with the force of Thor's hammer.

_Should have worn a hat today_, I griped as I tried not to wince. _Come on, Ilsa. We don't have all day._ At last, the woman must have come to a decision- albeit a reluctant one.

"I was there the night the Allfather gave you to him," she began slowly. "And couldn't believe that he'd done it. I mean, I hadn't heard the rumors about what he was doing to women, but I knew he was far too…undeserving to merit a wife with your bloodline. It all struck me as odd."

"Go on," I encouraged when Ilsa paused.

"It bothered me for a while, but I didn't see anything I could do about it for several months. Then when it was obvious _something_ had to be going on, I made up my mind to find out what it was. So I came to the house and picked the best reason I could think of to explain my being there. It didn't take long to figure out what was going on once I saw you in the parlor room. What to do about it- that was a lot more difficult to figure out, though. I probably didn't make the best of choices, but I couldn't just leave, either."

That was the closest to the truth I think I'd ever gotten out of her. Something was still held back, of course. I could feel that Ilsa had kept a piece to herself, and thought I knew what it might be. Hadn't Maddie told me that her name wasn't 'Ilsa' at all? And given the story the woman had just given me, I was sure she was no servant. Definitely wasn't, since I doubted she had any idea how to carry out duties a servant was expected to perform. Knew how to give them, I'd bet, meaning she was likely a Lady of rank. But she'd been careful not to mention which one in her narrative.

Question was, did I press her to answer that final piece? Did the name matter to me? I could demand to know what it was and why she'd hidden it behind a false name, but I wasn't sure it was important right now. I could guess at a few reasons for the alias; I'd used one of my own for several months to protect the privacy of my true identity. A Lady pretending to be a servant would likely want to do the same to spare the potential social embarrassment and ridicule if she'd done it under her own name. I decided to approach the matter in a less direct way- one that would give the woman an option. Whatever she chose, I would make peace with.

"Which leaves me with one last question."

"Which is?"

"Your name." Ilsa grew very pale when she heard that. I had a good idea what option she was going to pick. "I know it's not 'Ilsa'."

"I can explain…"

"I didn't ask you to."

"Um, okay."

My abruptness as I cut her off startled her. I suppose I could have sounded more gentle, but I didn't want her to launch into an explanation before I'd told her what I wanted.

"What I'm asking you is what name you wish me to use going forward for you. We can go on as before and I can call you 'Ilsa', or you can give me your real one. Those are your options."

"But, why?"

"Why what?"

"Why give me a choice at all? I'd think you'd want to know the truth."

"Truth has its uses. So does its opposite. If you have a reason for needing an alias around me, it's something I can live with."

Another long silence before Ilsa spoke again.

"If I choose one way now, is it for always?"

Interesting that she would ask that. Whatever purpose the alias served, it sounded like perhaps it might be a temporary one. A small part of me had wanted to say yes to force her hand, but I shook my head.

"Only as long as necessary."

She considered my offer for longer than I thought she would. I had expected her to grab the chance to avoid giving me her true name with both hands. But maybe she was worried that she couldn't keep up the pretense here at the palace. Keeping her identity secret in Danethar's house hadn't been difficult, since no one ever saw her. Here, though, she was likely to run into people who knew her. Unless she brought them in on the situation, they'd give her away very quickly.

"Ilsa," she decided at last. "My name is Ilsa."

"As you wish. So, Ilsa, what now? Being back at the palace, I've got more maids than any person should have to deal with. And I very much doubt there's any need to keep up that pretense, anyway. So where does that leave us?"

"So you don't need a maid- and honestly, probably better that you don't. I really have no idea how to be one."

A wry smile tugged at my lips. I couldn't resist teasing her a little, thinking about those early days when she'd been trying to convince me to let her stay.

"Yeah, I know. You should have seen the look on your face the first day when Berda brought in that bucket. You might have run back where you came from if I'd told you to start scrubbing the floor."

"I guess I consider myself lucky that you didn't."

"Me, too," I remarked with a wink. "I don't want to think of the disaster you might have made of the floor if you'd actually tried to do it."

Both of us were trying to suppress a laugh at that image, and we both failed. Our laughter carried across the warm afternoon air until Ilsa and I managed to get control again. In the silence following, she grew serious again.

"So, Lilith, is there anything you need that I could be?"

"I can think of something." She waited for me to continue, and so I took a risk. "A friend."

She blinked once or twice. I wasn't sure whether it was surprise, or something else. But when she didn't answer right away, I grew nervous that I'd presumed too much. Again. Like I'd done just a few days ago with Loki and Thor. Hastily, I tried to back out of what was feeling more and more like an awkward disaster.

"That is, if you wanted. If you came just to..."

"I do," she interrupted me suddenly. "I wasn't expecting you to say that, but I do."

"Sounds strange that I would, doesn't it?"

"You were angry at me half the time."

"I'm angry with _everyone_ half the time. Or at least so it seems lately. So if you're not put off by a few flashes of temper now and then, maybe we pick up where we left off."

"Friends it is, then."

"I'm glad to hear that, Ilsa. Right now, you're the only one I have."

Another strange look that was equally puzzling to me. Partly sad- that much I could decipher at least. And I suppose to her that admission must sound sad. Most people had friends; some had dozens.

"I'm sure that's not true, Lilith."

"I'm sure it is. It's a long story, but I found out just recently how true it is."

"What do you mean?"

"Not important. I'll explain later, maybe. For now, I really don't want to think of it."

"Okay, if that's what you want."

"Thanks." I glanced behind me at the unfinished flower beds, and then up at the sky. Early afternoon yet. We had a few good hours before the light would make it too difficult to work. "And speaking of picking up where we left off…care to stick around to help me with this?"

"I would. Where do I begin?"


	29. Chapter 28: A Double Life

In four days, they moved more dirt and hammered more nails than Loki had ever thought possible. Each morning, he'd donned his disguise as 'Ilsa' and met Lilith in her garden. They would spend a few hours working and talking, until the noonday sun would make it too hot to do much of anything. From there, they'd reluctantly part company for the afternoon. But as much as he'd like to stay with Lilith, his attention was needed elsewhere and he'd have to leave as she worked on. He still had no idea what she was planning for the garden; it looked nothing like any of the others on the palace grounds. Or in Asgard in general, for that matter. Loki decided to ask her.

"So…what exactly is all this for? Seems an odd configuration for growing flowers."

Lilith looked up from the support she'd been pounding into the ground, rocking back on her heels. Loki couldn't help noticing the tendril of auburn hair that had escaped her braid to fall across her eyes. He wanted to reach forward to tuck it behind her ear, but resisted the impulse. Not without difficulty, but he did it. Spending time with her this way was as much a curse as a blessing. At the back of his mind, Loki had to remind himself that he was playing a role- even if the role was himself dressed up with a different name and gender. Surely, Lilith might find it extremely odd to receive that sort of attention from 'Ilsa', friend or not.

_Not that she'd be any more comfortable if I weren't in disguise. Probably _less _so, now that I think on it. So in that respect, 'Ilsa' might actually get away with it more than I could. _A moot point, since he wasn't going to test out the theory.

"I suppose all this must look strange," she admitted, breaking into his thoughts. "But I want to grow something very different here, and I think this is the only chance I have to make it work."

As he studied the varying levels and arching trellises- horizontal instead of vertical- Loki couldn't imagine what she would use them for.

"And what's that?"

She gave him a conspiratorial smile and leaned slightly forward.

"Distar," she confided to him in a low voice. "I'm going to grow Distar."

He was rendered speechless. An entire garden dedicated to a plan everyone saw as a noxious weed. What would Lord Gerrard have to say about that? What would his mother say, for that matter? _In the case of the latter, likely nothing, so long as it keeps Lilith contented._ Even so, he couldn't imagine either of them being very happy to hear what she planned to do. Loki wasn't sure where his thoughts landed. They were far too complicated to label with anything as simplistic as 'happy'. He damn well better say something, though, or she'd clam up on him.

"I thought you said…"

"Yeah, I know. Controlling it like any other plant doesn't work. So that's not what I'll do."

"I assume you have a different approach in mind, then?"

Lilith nodded.

"I'll let it be what it is, and rather than fight against the plant, use it to create something that would normally be impossible. Distar wants to wrap around things and spreads like wildfire? Fine. I'll give it a maze of trellises that will give it the room it needs while providing a purpose for all that zealous growth. That way the pockets and hollows can support the other flowers and plants. I even have a few ideas for plants that thrive in tandem with climbing vines- actually look quite barren without the help. It'll work. At least, I _hope_ it will."

He wasn't sure he heard much of anything beyond the first sentence, too caught up in thoughts of how he might wish to hear the same said about him. And not just from Lilith.

"Ilsa?"

Odin and Thor had always taken the approach that he needed to be controlled, and no surprise, that failed every time. Perhaps if they'd been inclined to think differently…

"Ilsa?"

_That's you, you idiot, _he reminded himself.

"Hmm?"

"Do you think it too ambitious?"

"No- I think you should try. What's the worst that could happen?"

"I could fail and the Distar would die," she answered worriedly. "I couldn't bear to be responsible for killing it- and this would be _twice_\- because I ignored the advice of gardeners who have more experience than I do."

"Experience isn't everything. Besides, I'm sure they got it by trying new things that no one else had thought to do."

"Maybe, but still…"

"Lilith, trust me. It'll be fine."

"You're so certain, are you?"

"Of course I am," he answered her. But Lilith still looked skeptical, so Loki threw in something to inspire confidence from her. "Tell you what, we'll make a wager on it, and you'll see how much I believe in you."

"What _kind_ of wager?"

"I'll let you pick what you want if you don't succeed." _And hope I don't regret that decision later,_ he added silently. "But if the garden is a success, you'll have to do something _I _want."

Lilith studied him with a bemused expression. Humor was good, but Loki hoped she knew he was perfectly serious. This was his opportunity to get something from her without making it a confrontation. Not to mention the surest chance he had of success, since she would have to sabotage her own garden to win. He knew damn well she'd never do that, no matter what he asked for.

"And just how long have you been waiting to use that tactic," she said at last. "Seems to me you were a bit quick to come up with it to be spur of the moment."

"The way I see it, I need all the tools I've got. Unlike most Ladies of Asgard, you aren't so easily swayed by the whims of others. At least with a wager, I have a chance of winning you over."

"I'm not sure if I should be flattered or insulted." Before he could defend himself, she continued. "But since I could say the same of you, I suppose I'll settle on the former."

"I…" Lilith quirked an eyebrow, as if to remind him silently of all the times 'Ilsa' had been obstinately opposed to what Lilith wanted and would not be persuaded to change her mind. He shrugged. "All right, I suppose that's fair."

Birds twittered overhead as their conversation stalled. Loki didn't want to press the wager issue again from his side, but Lilith seemed disinclined to answer on it one way or another. Reluctantly, he decided to retract the suggestion.

"But I suppose maybe that wasn't the best of times to try that particular tool."

"I didn't say that."

"Yeah, but you didn't seem all that excited, either."

"All right, Ilsa," Lilith sighed. "What is it you wanted if you won the wager?"

_I hadn't quite gotten that far yet_. In truth, he wanted lots of things- many of them he couldn't ask as 'Ilsa'. But even leaving those aside Loki was having difficulty choosing just one. After several minutes of contemplation, he made a decision.

"You said before that you'd tell me why you think you don't have any friends, but it's been days and any time I mention it, you change the subject. If this works and you're able to create a functional garden- I want to hear that story."

"High stakes," she remarked wryly. "Are you sure that's what you want? Because if I agree, my stakes will be just as high."

A necessary risk, even if he didn't expect to lose.

"That's what I want."

"All right, then. If _I_ win, I want a story from _you_. I'll want you to tell me why you think you need an alias."

_High stakes indeed_, he grumbled inwardly. _I _definitely_ don't want to lose this bet._

"So?" she prompted. "Are you still of a mind to do this, or having second thoughts?"

"I'm game if you are."

"I guess it's a wager, then." Lilith tapped her index finger against her lower lip and adopted a thoughtful expression. "Now as to the measure of success…I'd say three weeks ought to be enough time to decide- would you agree?"

"Sounds to me you're trying to stall for time," he teased, although he knew she wasn't. "But I can wait."

They were so involved in their conversation that neither of them noticed that they were no longer alone until a shadow cut a dark swath on the ground between them. Lilith turned around first, and Loki did the same. The palace landscaper, Lord Gerrard, stood a short distance away. He was patiently waiting to be noticed.

"Lord Gerrard," Lilith greeted him. "I hadn't expected you so early today."

"It's nearly two in the afternoon."

"So late already?"

"Aye, it is. And good day to you, too, miss," he added with a smile 'Ilsa's' way before turning back to Lilith. "Did you need time yet before our meeting?"

"No, no, I'm ready. It'll be short, anyway." She got to her feet, shifting from one to the other as if trying to get feeling back in them after sitting for so long. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm ready to begin planting in the garden."

"I was starting to wonder," the man said with a brief smile. "By the look of things, you have quite a plan in mind for this place."

"I do. And I've got a list of the plants I'll need to complete it."

Lilith pulled out a neatly rolled piece of parchment and handed it to Gerrard. Breaking the string, he unfurled it and began to read. A few times, Loki saw him nod or crease his forehead with a puzzled expression. But then the man reached the bottom of the list, where Lilith must have written the intended star of her garden.

"My Lady!" he exclaimed, forgetting that she hated the title. "There must be some mistake. Surely you can't mean to plant _that_ here on purpose."

All trace of Lilith's good humor vanished behind a stony mask of determination. She folded her arms across her chest and raised her chin a notch. To Loki, she looked like a woman ready to do battle; her opponent stood little chance of winning.

"It is no mistake, and yes, I most certainly do."

"But, it's…"

"I'm well aware of what _you_ think of Distar, but this is _my_ garden, and if I want it here, then it _will_ be welcome here."

"I don't think you fully understand the nature of that…pernicious weed…Lady. It's destructive and cannot be contained once it's taken root. You'd do better to find some other variety of climbing vine to bring into your garden. Something more manageable."

The look in Lilith's eyes grew frosty, and she bared her teeth in what a passing bystander might mistake for a smile. Up close, it reminded him more of a feral snarl of a jungle cat. And Lord Gerrard was about to be her next kill. Loki made no move to interfere- on either side. Lilith didn't need his help, and he certainly had no intention of helping the chief landscaper.

"I think you'll find when all's said and done that you're the one who doesn't understand its true nature. Or mine, it would seem. Those are the plants I want, _Lord_ Gerrard, and I expect you to get them for me. Are we clear?"

The man was taken aback at the command in her tone. Loki wasn't; he'd heard it before. And hearing it again was causing an unexpected reaction on his part. When she wasn't demanding to know things that scared the Hel out of him, he found Lilith's assertiveness…enticing. Not an unpleasant sensation, but certainly not one he was prepared to deal with at the moment. Nor could he explain to Lilith why 'Ilsa' seemed a bit flushed- among other things- if she happened to notice. Thankfully, her full attention was on Lord Gerard, and he had time to get a grip on himself.

Loki would have to guard against this the next time it came up. _Because I know it most certainly will_, he mused.

"Yes, Lady, I understand," the palace landscaper replied in a doleful tone. He reviewed the list once more. "Most of these can be brought to you tomorrow morning. The two rarer specimens may take a few days."

"I expected so. If the rest is here tomorrow, we can work around those until they arrive."

"Will there be anything else?"

"No, Lord Gerrard, that's all."

"I will bid you and your friend a good afternoon, then."

"Thank you."

The man turned on his heel and slunk away. Lilith watched him until he'd rounded the corner before she shifted her attention back to 'Ilsa'. She must have seen something in his expression.

"What?"

"I didn't say anything."

"Didn't have to. Go on and say whatever it is you're thinking about all that with Lord Gerrard."

Since Loki couldn't say what he was truly thinking, he went with something safe.

"Is that what you meant by 'flashes of temper' the other day?"

"That? Oh no. Not even close. That was…well he just annoyed me when he started on that tirade about Distar. Doesn't even want to give it a chance."

Loki wanted to point out that she'd been quick to do the same about him not too long ago. Badly. But 'Ilsa' didn't know anything about that yet, so the timing was all wrong for that argument. Another time. He'd just have to wait for another time.

"I guess he'll be swallowing that speech when you get everything finished."

"So will a lot of others who've always badmouthed it as just a useless weed." She bent down to retrieve the mallet she'd been using. "For now, I think it's a good time to break for a meal. Were you going home, or did you want to eat up at the palace?"

"I should check in at home. They might need me."

"Of course. See you tomorrow, then."

"As always."

Lilith smiled at him. Rather at 'Ilsa'. Loki wished for the thousandth time that she'd do that when she looked at _him_. But he knew when he saw her up at the palace in a few minutes, that joy and welcome will have vanished. He did his best not to let those thoughts show, and waved before heading down the path. Lilith would be a little while, putting away the gardening tools, which would give him time to get up to the palace and ditch his disguise as 'Ilsa'. Still, he'd better hurry.

_Damn these skirts_, he grumbled as they nearly tripped him again. _I should take example from Lilith and wear something more like her outfit._ Maybe tomorrow he would.

Thor saw Loki walk through the doors to the dining hall, still dressed as 'Ilsa'. He'd seen his brother in disguise as Lilith's former 'servant' a few times over the past few days. It was still unsettling. All he kept remembering was the performance 'Ilsa' had given him about her infatuation with Danethar. How had Loki been able to say it with a straight face? Especially knowing how much he truly _hated_ the bastard.

_That's just one of the mysteries of his talents, and I suppose I'll never understand it. Praise the gods._

Before Loki sat down, the disguise melted away. Beneath it, Thor thought his brother looked tired. Not just physically- mentally exhausted and hollowed out. No doubt he was, trying to keep up the charade with Lilith. And not getting very far with it, he had to admit. She was just as ice cold around them today as she had been after the uproar over the gates. 'Ilsa' alone seemed to be spared her ire.

_But even you can't live that lie forever, Brother. One day soon you're going to have to admit the truth to the woman. The longer you wait, the harder it's going to be._

"So," he asked without bothering with a greeting first. "How's it going with Lilith?"

"Saw her terrorize someone _else_ for a change," Loki replied with a rueful grin. "I think she gave the palace landscaper something to think about before he crosses her again."

"Lord Gerrard? What'd he do?"

"He was less than enthusiastic about her choice of plants for her garden. Lilith took exception to his attempt to dissuade her."

"Well, my condolences to him, but that wasn't what I was asking, you know."

"Yeah, I know."

"How's it going with her and 'Ilsa'?"

"Thor, I don't want to talk about it. I can't."

"Has she said anything about us? About…" he hesitated. "You?"

"I just told you, I'm not discussing it."

That's the last Loki was going to say about it- or anything else- for the time being. His eyes swiveled nervously to the door, as if he expected Lilith to be standing there watching them talking about her. Happily, she wasn't. But sure enough, no sooner had Thor finished that thought, there she was. Lilith's eyes swept the room, but if she saw either of them, she made no show of it. She did make a point of choosing as seat as far away from them as possible.

_Well, well. Still angry. Big surprise._

Thor darted a sympathetic glance to his brother, who couldn't have looked more miserable. All Lilith had to do was raise her eyes from her plate and she'd see that the discord between them was ripping Loki apart. But she wouldn't. Just like Loki wouldn't admit to her the reasons why he was so miserable. They both had a streak of stubbornness that Thor found irritating. As far as he was concerned, they deserved one another.

Conversation between them died, since Thor couldn't think of a topic that wouldn't get him into trouble. He'd already endured one chafing lecture from the Allfather, and didn't relish the thought of another any time soon. Stupidly, he had complained of it later to his brother, but found no empathy there. Only a bemused remark that now Thor knew what those were like. That trickster should know; he'd had more than anyone could count.

"How's Lord Timar?" Loki asked him suddenly. "You said you were there yesterday for some news. Anything wrong?"

At first, Thor wasn't quite sure he'd heard correctly. His brother never asked about any of the warriors before, much less sounded like he _cared_ about the answer. It had to be a ploy or part of some scheme, but since even the risk of being made a fool was better than strained silence. Thor decided to see where this went.

"Far from it. Turns out that Birgitta's pregnant. Baby's due early spring."

"Didn't think they were trying."

"They weren't," he confirmed with a shrug. "It came as a bit of a surprise."

"Not an unhappy one, I hope."

"Quite the opposite. I thought Timar was going to split in two if his grin got any wider. He's already talking of bringing the little one to practice and what weapon would be the first to learn…"

"The warrior does know his wife might give birth to a daughter, right?"

Loki's tone was amused, which seemed to catch Lilith's attention. She didn't look up, but Thor could tell she was listening. And perhaps that was his aim- to goad her into joining their conversation. His brother played it off as if he didn't notice. Maybe he didn't; it was difficult to tell. No matter. Either way, Thor would give the same answer.

"From the way he was talking, I doubt the child's gender is going to stop him. So I guess if it's a girl, we'll see if she takes an interest in fighting alongside her papa. Sif would gladly teach her."

"And what does Lady Birgitta have to say on the matter?"

"I believe something about putting Timar's head on a spike if he taught his son- or daughter- to leave weapons lying around the house like he does. Not much else."

"At least there will be a few years yet before she's to worry about it. Still, I'll warrant he doesn't forget her warning any time soon."

"Not likely. She was aiming one of the kitchen knives at him as she made her point. One of the really big ones."

They both chuckled, and Thor almost thought he saw the barest of smiles cross Lilith's face. But it was gone again too swiftly to tell for certain. So much for coaxing her into the conversation. His cousin was resolute in her determination to keep distant. Silence fell over the table once again, until Lilith rose and left without a single word or glance in their direction. When she'd gone, Loki stared at the doors with a painful look.

"So different," he murmured sadly. "Like night and day."

"Hmmm?"

"Nothing."

"Oh come on, Brother. If you're going to lie, at least make it a good one. Even I can see through that."

"My apologies, Thor," Loki snapped at him irritably. "I'll be sure to take direction from _you_ on what constitutes a 'good' lie. And I'll be sure to take more care in concocting them for you in the future."

"That's not what I meant."

"I know," his brother sighed. "I'm just…it's so damned hard when she's so unguarded around me when I'm 'Ilsa', but then time like this…" he paused to take in a breath and let it out again. "I'm the same person on the inside- just with a different physical form. What if she won't let me explain it to her?"

"Well, Loki, first you have to try," he pointed out. "And your temper bedamned, I'll say bluntly that as far as I can see, you really haven't."

"It's only been four days," he protested.

"It's been eleven days," Thor corrected him. "Eleven days since Lilith woke up and you've had us all keeping your secrets for you."

"Not doing a good job of that, either, if you want to point fingers."

"Don't even start into that again. Look, all I'm saying is that the longer this goes on, the worse it'll get. You need to just break the truth to Lilith and be done with it."

Loki stood, but instead of the furious argument he envisioned, his brother merely walked out- like Lilith had done. Without a word. Thor stabbed a forkful of potatoes and shook his head.

_Two of a kind, indeed. May the gods of the Allfather have mercy if he and Lilith _do_ end up together. We'll all be in for it if and when that day comes._

"You can't hide from me, bitch," his voice growled menacingly in my ear. "Thought you'd have figured that out by now."

I'd tried to. Night after night I'd tried to escape the recurring nightmares of Danethar. And as he'd so bluntly put it- I failed every time. No matter how the dream began or where I ran to, my former husband always found me. _Always_. Once he did, the true nightmare would commence. I wondered which one I'd endure tonight. While the theme remained constant like most recurring dreams, the events tended to vary. Sometimes a little; lately, a lot. To make matters worse, I was finding it harder and harder to wake up from them.

"But since you haven't, I have the appropriate tools to teach you not to forget again."

Danethar secured the last of the restraints and disappeared out of sight. When he returned, he held a riding crop in one hand…and a red hot branding iron in the other. I nearly wept in terror, struggling to free myself from the bonds around my wrists and ankles. The effort was to no avail. A breathless shriek escaped my lips the moment that scorching iron pressed against my skin. Danethar laughed.

"You see, Lilith? You're mine and no one's going to take you from me- not ever."

I barely heard him over the blood pounding in my ears- or the desperate screams in my head. They echoed endlessly as he laid the crop into my flesh again and again, until angry red lines crisscrossed over one another. Some cut deep enough to draw blood. I found it hard to pay them much mind, attention focused on the searing sensation of the brand. But as painful as this 'lesson' was, I was in no hurry to see it end. For when Danethar finished with this, I had an even worse fate awaiting me.

No sooner did I finish that thought, he tossed the implements aside and reached or the buckle on his trousers. I couldn't watch- wouldn't watch- as he mounted me with vicious enthusiasm. Closing my eyes didn't make it any less painful, but it was the only way I could bear it. Even then, I prayed to awaken from the horror- or for death- the whole time. As he tore the restraints away to change our positions, I prayed once more to be spared any more of his abuse.

The gods ignored me. So I cursed them- cursed every god I could think of. Must have made those obscene threats aloud, because Danethar laughed gain.

"You're wasting your breath. Those gods don't answer to the likes of _you_, Lilith. Never will."

The nightmare went on forever, until I began to fear I _wouldn't_ wake up, and might be trapped here forever. _Can I die in a dream?_ If I was truly stuck here, maybe that would be preferable. I had nothing to go back to, anyway. The garden and…Ilsa…were the only things giving my life in Asgard any purpose lately. No one else was going to lament my loss. Just my gates. So if this were the end, at least I had little to lose.

"Oh no you don't," he hissed at me as I tried to let go of the body he took such pleasure in tormenting. "You're staying here with the rest of us in this place. It is _your_ doing, after all."

But I slipped past him somehow, and bolted awake in my bed. Not quite what I thought would happen, but at least I'd escaped. His last threat lingered in the minutes I spent catching my breath. _What did Danethar mean 'it is _my_ doing',_ I wondered. Those words could mean so many things, but I didn't know how to interpret them to get the correct answer. Not important. I'd gotten free of him, and that's what mattered.

I threw back the covers, half expecting to see blood staining the sheets. Of course, I saw nothing of the kind. Only the same pale green as when I'd gone to sleep a few hours ago, if not a little damp from sweat. In the darkness, my imagination argued that it was blood, and I dropped the edge of the blankets with lightning speed. _It's not real, it's not real. Just a trick of the mind. _Trick or not, I leapt out of bed to get away from the images that were crowding my vision. As I stumbled into the bathroom to douse my face with cold water, my glance flickered nervously over shadows where Danethar may emerge.

_He's dead,_ I repeated in disgust. _Dead and gone. _But he wasn't, was he? I didn't know how many more nights could I do without sleep as he came back to haunt my dreams. Not much longer, honestly. Exhausted and a little light-headed, I leaned on the rim of the porcelain sink for support while I tried to cleanse away the dried sweat on my forehead and temples. It did little to clear the uneasy thoughts, though. I had to escape the suite for a while. Maybe another walk like I'd done before. Tossing the towel into a hamper, I straightened and walked back into the bedroom- pointedly ignoring the menacing shadows. I grabbed fresh clothes and changed hurriedly. _Time to get out of here._

Fearful of waking the other inhabitants of this wing, I gently opened the door to the hallway so as not to make a noise. Turned out, I needed have bothered. When I turned towards the staircase, Loki stood waiting. I stepped backwards with a shriek of surprise and my heart in my throat. It thudded wildly, making speech difficult. I swallowed forcibly. Several times.

"What in the name of _Hel_ are you doing out here in the dead of night," I whispered fiercely. "Trying to scare people to death?"

He didn't answer right away, seemingly as unprepared to see me as I was to see him. And the more seconds ticked by, the more I wished I hadn't asked. I didn't want to know why the God of Mischief was wandering the palace corridors at night- this one in particular. But as I was about to retract my question and bid him a hasty goodbye, Loki spoke.

"You were screaming, Lilith."

_Oh dammit_, I swore, squeezing my eyes shut in a painful grimace. _I so don't need any of this right now. Least of all coming from _him. But I had to give some sort of explanation. A somewhat truthful one, too, since Loki was sure to recognize a lie. I tried to run my fingers through my hair, but they got stuck in the tangles I hadn't bothered to brush out. He waited as I struggled to free myself. Waited expectantly. So I let out a rumbling sigh and shrugged at him.

"Yeah, I probably was. I didn't think anyone would hear. No one has mentioned it."

"Even if the others did hear- which I suspect they _don't_\- I doubt they'd _dare_ bring it up."

"But you will."

"You asked me what I was doing out here. I answered."

"So you did," I replied with a stiff smile. _And now it's time to go before this gets any more awkward._

"What are you doing out here," he asked as I shuffled a foot in the direction of the stairs. I'd made my move too late, apparently. "Seems only fair- an answer for an answer."

I wasn't in any mood to be fair, but telling him might be the quickest way to end the uncomfortable conversation.

"I'm going for a walk. That a crime?"

"No, but it's not the safest of ideas at this hour."

"I have no fear of the dark, Prince."

"Just what's lurking in it," he queried with a knowing look.

My temper threatened to snap at him, but I bit my tongue to hold it in. Baiting me was just what he wanted; I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of thinking he'd succeeded. So I kept my tone even and disinterested.

"I'm sure I can manage. Nothing out there that isn't around in broad daylight, anyway."

With that, I commanded my feet to move. Thank the gods, Loki didn't try to detain me further. Still, I felt his gaze on my back long after I descended the stairs out of his sight.

If his mornings spent with Lilith were the highlight of Loki's day, the afternoons in the palace dungeons with Danethar were some of the darkest. Not that he didn't take pleasure in every minute; Loki most certainly did. But it was a more sinister kind of enjoyment that couldn't compare to the golden moments with Lilith. Even when those moments were somewhat haunted by the shadows of her nightmares, as this morning had been. He had been hoping- and dreading- that she would bring them up around 'Ilsa', and given what she'd said earlier today he had good reason to feel the latter. Gods, if Lilith's suspicions were true, he didn't know how to begin helping her. Not even with everything he'd read or studied of enchantments and magic.

_A worry for another time. Right now, I have a promise to keep._

So far, Danethar had survived fourteen days of his sentence. Day fifteen beckoned, bringing with it new opportunities for the man to repay his debt. Well, in some ways, for both of them to give back what they owed. Loki crossed the room noiselessly, having decided to drop the whistling to catch the wretch unaware today. Stealth had its value, and he was rewarded for it. The former warrior hadn't moved since their session yesterday, and from the faint sounds coming from the cell, he was weeping.

Good. Just what he'd hoped to see. Every day, Danethar tried to hide behind a wall of bravado, pretending that he wasn't beaten. He'd throw out insults and irate shouts at him. It never lasted long once Loki got to work on him, but the façade always returned the next morning. How many more days before even that much was ripped away from him? Only one way to find out.

"Save some of those tears, you sniveling miscreant. You might need them yet today." Danethar stiffened and the whimpering ceased, but he refused to answer. Loki could fix that. "I'm disappointed, Danethar. Would have expected more from you, but you give up so quickly?"

The taunt worked, and the man got to his feet. Not easily, but he managed it. Hatred burned in Danethar's eyes as he stared out through the bars of his cage. And as much as Loki would love to return it, he remained impassive. At last, his prey found his voice to reply. Loki couldn't wait to hear what the moron had to say.

"You think you're so clever and superior, don't you? If I were the one on that side of this prison cell, you'd know pain far worse than anything you've given so far."

A new boast, but no less ludicrous as every other that had come before it. No one in Asgard- least of all this pathetic excuse for a warrior- could envision the exquisite level of pain and torture that he could conjure. Loki pretended not to find the claim insulting, but was sure to make it clear to Danethar that he hardly credited it as having any merit.

"Mmmm…I'm almost tempted to let you advise me in your _great_ wisdom what methods I have neglected thus far. But I have plans for today and I regret that they allow no time for you to regale me. Besides, I rather doubt your limited vocabulary could provide me with a truly accurate account."

"Why don't you ask that cousin of yours, then? If you're so fond of fancy speech, I'm sure _she_ could find a plenty of words to tell you what I can do."

Loki held onto his sardonic grin. He couldn't let the prick know that he'd scored a direct hit with that remark, but he seethed on the inside all the same. No one outside the a very limited circle knew that Lilith wasn't family to him, and yet the bastard thought it amusing to suggest Loki ask her about the Hel she'd been through as if it were nothing. Danethar was going to pay for that insult as well, he decided. Maybe leave him with a broken bone overnight without mending it. Of course, that was before Danethar kept talking.

"Maybe that's what you were doing snooping around as that little maid, Ilsa. Lookin' for new ideas. Bet you're pissed that your goody-goody brother put a stop to all that or maybe you'd have seen first- hand the fun I used to have with that bitch. I'd have shown you if you'd just asked, you know. After all- what was she to you, anyway? With the schemes you've hatched against Thor and Odin, I'm sure a worthless nobody like her hardly mattered."

His control vanished like fog under the hot sun. Gone was any semblance of cool detachment or reason. No- Loki was beyond rage, and he could only hope when the rage burned out, he wouldn't find Danethar dead. Too much left he wanted to do to the man before he deserved that relief, as small as it would be. But he had little say in what he was doing or saying right now, driven by the need to teach Danethar a lesson. The door to the cell swung open at his touch, and Loki wrenched the man into the center of the main room of the dungeon.

Using an enchantment to force Danethar to his knees, he towered over him. A wave of his hand and the former warrior's head wrenched up at a painful angle; what he had to say required every bit of his attention. Loki wrapped his fingers around Danethar's neck and squeezed hard enough that the man's eyes bulged. But so long as his ears still worked, that's all that mattered.

"What is Lilith to me, you ask? You really are as stupid as you look, you filthy little maggot. I guess I'll have to tell you; I may be at this for decades before you figure it out on your own."

He leaned closer- squeezed a bit harder.

"Everything. She's everything I care about now. And _you_," Loki added in a deadly low voice. "You tortured and nearly destroyed her."

Loki loosened his grip, letting Danethar gasp a choking breath before he would have passed out. But he didn't let go while he stared at the man. Stared and smiled. Danethar couldn't hold his gaze, eyes sliding away with a shudder. Oh yes, he understood now the point in their games. The uncontrollable rage that had overtaken him began to wane. It was by no means gone, but at least now he could think about what he would do next. A delightfully cruel idea came to mind.

"Did you think I would make it easy? That I would start off with the best of what I can do? No, no, Danethar…we've only just begun. And now you've given me inspiration for our next game."

"No…wait…" the former warrior managed to squawk, despite his bruised vocal chords. The façade was already crumbling. "I didn't know…"

"No, you didn't, did you? So much you don't know, Danethar. I am so glad I've been given the opportunity to teach you."

Before the man could respond, Loki used his power to slip into his mind and make a few…alterations. Nothing permanent, of course- or even real. What was the point when an illusion would be just as effective? Very effective indeed, given the horror contorting the bastard's face.

"What have you done to me!?"

"Feeling not quite like yourself?"

"Change me back!"

"Back to what?"

"Damn you, I'm not a woman. I'm a man."

"You're neither. Looks aren't everything, Danethar. Just because you had the physical characteristics of a man, that hardly makes you one. As for a woman…well, that's all in your head, though I guarantee it'll _feel_ real enough for what I have in mind."

"Loki, no!"

The lesson began. And as Danethar screamed and begged, Loki's only wish was that he had a bigger role to play. But this required only the use of his power and very little else. The rest was all courtesy of the former warrior. The enchantment slipped inside Danethar's mind and replayed every moment he'd preyed on Lilith- only with a twist that put him in _her_ place instead of his own. The screams turned to sobs, and in no time Danethar was quivering helplessly on the cold stone floor. Only then did Loki reconsider his part in the punishment, and reluctantly admitted he was glad _not_ to be privy to the details. Perhaps it was best if he never knew exactly what Lilith had been through.

Footsteps on the stairs behind him alerted Loki that they were no longer alone. He whirled around just in time to see Odin emerge into _his_ domain. _At least it's not Lilith_, he told himself. Still, Loki wondered what brought the Allfather down here. Danethar continued to moan and writhe in agony as the King of Asgard came closer to observe.

"What injury ails him- I see no wounds."

Loki turned back to Danethar, his mouth twisted into a sharp smile.

"The mind can perceive an injury even when the flesh does not experience one."

His answer provided little comfort to Odin, but then, it wasn't really meant to. Loki said nothing more, waiting for the Allfather to decide how to proceed. It came as no surprise that he chose not to ask for any further elaboration about the nature of Danethar's current punishment. A smart move on his part, really. Instead, Odin focused his inquiry on a different- though not unrelated- topic.

"My son, it has been over two weeks so far. I must ask how much longer you plan to continue before carrying out his final sentence."

"Eighty-two days," Loki replied succinctly, still not taking his eyes away from Danethar. "The debt will be paid in another eighty-two days."

The Allfather was no fool. He could count as well as anyone else, and would guess the significance of his answer. After several minutes, he broke their silence.

"One day for each of hers."

"Yes."

Silence fell once more between them. Well, not quite silence, what with Danethar croaking out his pleas for mercy at their feet. The longer time stretched between them, the more Loki wondered if Odin would order him to put an end to this. He would never obey it, naturally, but even this might be too much for the Allfather to sanction. Apparently, it wasn't. Odin merely glared piercingly at the former warrior and nodded.

"Even so, I confess I'm surprised to find him still alive."

"I've made sure of it. Danethar _will_ survive to the appointed day."

Another pause.

"Are you not worried that word of this will get out? Lilith believes him dead. What if she were to come down here and find him?"

"She won't."

"If you're sure…"

"I am."

The Allfather took a final look at the condemned man, then back to Loki. He sighed.

"Be careful, my son. I do not doubt that you can carry out the punishment you have devised, or that Danethar deserves it. But I worry how heavy this burden weighs on you to keep at it for so long."

The concern in his voice caught Loki off-guard, even if the worry itself didn't. If he were honest, after the moment ended and he left Danethar cringing in his cell, so did his pleasure. Just a sick, empty feeling that stayed with him until he saw Lilith again the next morning. For a while, she'd make him forget the terrible things he had to do. Then something she'd say or do would remind him why he needed to do them and the cycle would start over again. Eighty-two more days before it would be over. Loki wouldn't admit that he couldn't do it, though.

"I will do what I promised, Father, and won't stop until I've seen it through."

"I understand, but…"

"I owe her that much. Now if you don't mind…I'm not finished with this wretch yet."

Odin let out a frustrated sound, but did not try to argue further. He disappeared up the stairs, leaving Loki to forge ahead. Time to see what Danethar thought of today's lesson. Just another eighty-two days.

I wandered the city- this time in daylight. After Ilsa and I parted ways around noon, I was too restless to continue working in the garden. Going back to the palace carried even less appeal. I couldn't face that dining room and the people I know would be waiting. One person in particular. If I knew it would be Thor or Frigga, or even Odin, I might have gone. Dealing with them was easy; Loki was far more complicated. He should have been no different than the others. I had tried for those first few days to pretend that he wasn't, but lately I'd been forced to admit that my feelings about that argument and him weren't as straightforward as I wanted them to be. And since I didn't need any reminders of that fact, I skipped the midday meal in favor of a walk through Asgard.

That only worked if I quit thinking about him, though. Hard to do when the only other things on my mind were even less desirable. _I hope he doesn't mention anything to Thor or anyone else about what he heard and saw last night. _Instinct told me that he wouldn't, though I couldn't say why I believed that. The God of Mischief had no reason to keep my secret. _He has no reason to tell it, either_, I countered. And I still hadn't found any satisfactory reason why he would have been out in the corridor at the exact moment I left my room. Had he been there the whole time I'd been having the nightmare? Questions without answers. _I could get the answers if I had asked for them_. I shook my head, unwilling to admit that fear kept me from finding out the truth.

A merchant cart of fragrant orchids caught my attention. Not one of my favorite flowers, but these were especially lovely, and provided an opportunity to steer my thoughts away from Loki. I reflected on how things had gone in the garden this morning with Ilsa. The day had been productive, I had to admit. Gerrard had kept to his promise, and the plants I'd requested were waiting for me when I arrived this morning- even the Distar. All the better for him, since I wasn't in the mood to hunt him down today for an explanation had they been missing. So Ilsa and I spent several hours getting them planted.

Once or twice, she'd made a few suggestions. Not all of them had been practical or even workable, but she did have a few that we incorporated into the design of the garden. No matter the outcome, it always sparked a lively debate between us. And rather than feel annoyed- as some might- that she was trying to take over my project, I saw it as a sign that she'd actually _learned_ something. We'd come a long way since that first day when she'd stood in my garden looking lost and uncomfortable.

Of course, we did more than plant flowers. Ilsa and I talked while we worked. Mostly passing news of the city and the like, but as the time passed I considered telling her about the nightmares. Aside from that rather mortifying encounter with the God of Mischief last night, I spoke of them to no one. The nightmares were private, and I had no interest in making them fodder for conversation among my so-called 'family'. With Ilsa, though, I held back to avoid burdening my friend. It wasn't right to expect her to shoulder that ugliness, especially since I didn't think there was much of anything she could _do _about it.

But after last night, I'd been truly scared. The walk during those dark hours before morning had given me more time to think and draw conclusions about what was happening to me. That scared me even more than the nightmare had. I needed to tell someone, and who else would understand besides Ilsa? So I'd made the decision to bring up the subject and find out.

[Several Hours Earlier]

"Ilsa?"

Ilsa looked up from the hole she'd been digging, obviously tipped off by the tone in my voice.

"Something wrong?"

"Yeah."

"The garden?"

"No," I said with a slight shake of my head. "It's about other stuff. Things I dunno if you really want to know…"

"Hey- you said I was your friend, right? So if there's something bothering you, shouldn't I want to be the first to know what it is?"

"You might not be so adamant when I tell you."

"I don't care."

I was convinced enough to go on, setting aside the gloves I was wearing to protect my hands from the spiny Distar plants. Ilsa tossed her trowel into a pile of loose earth and waited. No turning back. But in case she was wrong and couldn't stomach what I was about to say, I started with something easy. If she was as smart as I knew her to be, Ilsa would figure out what was bothering me and could stop me before it went any further.

"I can't sleep. Haven't gotten more than a few hours a night since Maddie brought me out of the healing sleep." She didn't stop me, so I laid it all out. "Terrible nightmares. As bad- or worse- as any I've ever had. I guess it's only to be expected that I have a few of those, but I didn't think they'd be this frequent. Or even if they were, that it would only be for a few days and they'd taper off. But they're not fading. In fact, they're getting worse."

Ilsa said nothing at first, her expression troubled. What did I expect? I wouldn't have known what to say in her position, either, had our positions been reversed. But now I could only wait for her to say something. I just hoped it wouldn't make me regret having spoken. Then her expression changed, becoming thoughtful.

"You haven't told anyone."

"Told? No, I haven't _told_ anyone." Immediately after the words left me, I wish I'd thought better of them. Ilsa was looking at me strangely, and surely she was about to ask me what they meant. Very shortly, my predictions came true.

"What's that mean?"

"In the palace," I began reluctantly. "My neighbors are a lot closer than they were in Danethar's house. And apparently the nightmares have disturbed them. Well…at least _one_ of them, anyway."

"The Allfather?"

"Oh if only it had been. Then I could have told him to go to Hel and keep his nose and ears out of my business. _He_ at least would have obeyed me."

"So not the Allfather. Are you going to keep making me guess who it is?"

I took a breath and let it out. "Prince Laufeyson."

"Loki?"

"That's who I said, wasn't it?"

"How did you find out he knew?"

"Very awkwardly in the middle of a dark hallway in the dead of night, as luck would have it. Last night, to be precise."

Ilsa mulled that over for a minute. I suspected she hadn't quite expected that I would be quite so cavalier about the encounter. Or perhaps it was my bluntness. Either way, several minutes passed before she responded.

"Yeah, awkward is probably an apt description. Especially if you weren't expecting to be confronted about something you'd thought was private."

I nodded absently and sifted my fingers through the rich, dark soil. For now, I wasn't willing to discuss why _else_ the meeting had been so awkward. Ilsa would likely hear that story soon enough if the garden thrived. More like _when_ it did. Why on earth I'd been goaded into making that bet I'd never know. It was a no win situation. If I was right, I'd lose the dream of the garden. And if Ilsa was…well, I didn't look forward to telling anyone about my mistakes where the God of Mischief was concerned. Not even her.

"So the nightmares," my friend prodded. Thankfully, she'd dropped any further questions about Loki. "They're bad, you say."

"Very. And what's worse, I'm having trouble waking up from them," I admitted. It was time to drop the rest of it and hope for the best. "Used to be easy. Or at least easier, anyway. But last night…Ilsa, I'm worried next time I'll be trapped there. With…_him_. I can't endure it."

Again I waited. And again I knew I'd surprised her.

"They're only dreams, Lilith- albeit a terrible ones."

"I'm not so sure."

"He's dead."

"I'm aware of that. But he said something last night that makes me wonder."

"What?"

"He talked of the nightmare as a place. That it was _my_ doing."

I paused, not sure I should go on. Since my ill-fated conversation with Thor about Micharea's origins, I hadn't spoken to anyone about my talents. Nothing about the gates or the realms they connected to. And although Ilsa had seen more than most when it came to Micharea, I wasn't sure I should go this far right now.

"Lilith?"

"You remember Micharea, right?"

"Sure I do. What does that have to do with the nightmares?"

"I don't know how, but I'm certain that I created it. Now if I created one realm, it stands to reason I can create others. And up until recently, the way I've gotten to them was by daydreaming. As you just pointed out, nightmares are just another kind of dream."

I saw her piecing it together even before I'd finished speaking. Behind the dawning comprehension came the horror. Like me, I think Ilsa didn't want it to be true, but we both knew odds were that it was. I think that's why she felt she had to ask the question.

"Gods of the Allfather, Lilith. Do you truly think…?"

"I don't know what to think, but if it is true, I don't dare go to sleep again. But I can't just not sleep for the rest of my life either."

"Have you gone to Maddie?"

"I'm not telling her about this."

"Why not"

"Because _she'll_ tell Frigga and Odin and that's the _last_ thing I need."

"So…what will you do?"

"I don't know."

[Return to the Present]

And I still didn't know, hours later as I roamed Asgard's busy streets. Funny, at this hour when hundreds of people jostled around me left and right, I felt more isolated than I had in the dead of night. Every now and then, one of them would glance at me; no one dared say anything. I could tell they all knew who I was. Not for anything I'd done, but because they'd heard about Danethar. This was even worse than the palace.

_Might as well go back,_ I thought grimly._ Nothing for me here._

The heat of the day had come and gone, but the long hours before sunset had given way to restlessness among Thor and several of his friends. Too nice a day to waste indoors, so they'd all met up at the training yard to test their skills against one another in friendly combat. He hadn't expected to be picking himself up out of the dirt, though, when he'd suggested it to them. Oh well, he couldn't win every round.

"You've been spending too much time away from the ring, Thor," Sif teased him with a wink as she lowered her short sword. "That's twice I've bested you in a row."

"Yeah, well, I guarantee there won't be a third. Let's go again and we'll see whose skills win out."

"Oh no, I think I've had enough of wiping the dirt with you for a while. Why don't you try your luck with someone else?"

Everyone had a good laugh at his expense- even Thor. He wiped the sweat off his brow and rolled his shoulders to loosen the tightness in the muscles of his back. But before he could offer a retort, the others were distracted by something behind him. Curious, Thor turned around to see what it was. Loki.

"Brother- what brings you here?"

Loki crossed the training yard, dressed ready for combat and a determined look on his face. Well, maybe not so much determined, but rather…radiating frustrated rage looking for an unsuspecting outlet. For whatever reason, he'd decided this was the place to do it. As his brother closed in on them, Thor couldn't deny his misgivings about the idea. Sif, Timar and the others were just as wary. Not a reaction lost on Loki.

"Not to worry, Thor. I wasn't going to interrupt everyone's sport. Was thinking I ought to join it, actually. Lately, I've spent a little too much time up here," he added while tapping a finger to his temple. Under his breath, he muttered quietly. "Especially today."

"What happened?"

"Not important. Suffice to say, this day has been a trying one."

Thor had two guesses what his brother might mean by that. It had to be either Lilith or Danethar- most likely the latter. He didn't want to be the one to ask, though, preferring to remain ignorant of whether or not the dungeons still rang with the former warrior's tortured screams. Which was why he made sure never to be anywhere near the stairs leading down to that prison during the afternoon hours. Unlike him, though, the other warriors gathered around them were far more curious about Danethar's gruesome fate. They'd asked Thor more than he cared count for any news of Loki's method for punishing him. He always found a way not to answer them. Would they dare ask his brother directly, though? Doubtful. And then Sif proved him wrong.

"Wouldn't have anything to do with that rotten scum, Danethar, would it?"

Thor held his breath as Loki stared at her, expressionless and unblinking.

"I think that's between me and the scum, don't you think?" Loki said finally.

"Is he…alive, then?"

"More or less." Nervous glances were traded around the group. "But I didn't come here to discuss _him_. Anyone willing to face me in a friendly challenge?"

"I'm game if no one else is," announced Timar after a minute or two. The rest of them stepped back from the ring to watch the match. "Weapon?"

"Let's make it interesting and try staves."

Naturally, he'd chosen one of his favorites. Thor hoped Timar knew what he was doing. Both men selected one of the long fighting staves from a stand near the edge of the yard and returned to face one another. Thor gave them a brief nod to begin the match. Soon after that, the late afternoon air rang with the sound of wood striking wood. The staff wasn't Timar's best weapon, but at least he kept up with Loki enough that it was a decent challenge. He'd never win, but Sif and the others cheered loudly for him just the same.

One miscalculated move on the young warrior's part and he landed in the dirt with a bruising thud. Thor expected his brother to smirk at the victory, but he only leaned forward to offer Timar a hand to get on his feet again. They were all so thrown off by the uncharacteristic display that no one saw they had an unexpected visitor until she'd almost slunk by. Sif must have seen her first and broke the spell with a shout.

"Hey, Lilith- you can't mean to miss out on the fun, do you?"

Every pair of eyes swiveled to the far side of the training yard, where his cousin stood frozen in place. Obviously, she hadn't intended to pass through here or hadn't expected anyone to be around this time of day. Not that it mattered what had brought her here; Lilith was not happy to be surprised by their group. And since Sif had noticed her and called everyone's attention, she was now stuck. Thor watched as she shuffled her feet uncomfortably and scraped a fingernail against the stone archway beside her.

"I…uh…was actually on my way back to my rooms, Sif. Spent the afternoon in town and was just heading back." Her gaze wandered over the space- everywhere but at the people in it, he noticed. "Must have taken a wrong turn to end up here. Anyway, I'll just be going so I don't interrupt."

"Oh come on," the female warrior cajoled in a friendly tone. Thor admired her tenacity for trying, but wouldn't hold his breath that she would succeed. "You're here and dressed for the occasion. It's been far too long since the last time we crossed blades- or anything else."

"Exactly. It's been a long time and I'm far too out of practice. So it's best if I…"

Sif wasn't going to let this go. She crossed the yard before Lilith could back away, and blocked the only exit. His cousin didn't move or say anything, but the look on her face said more than enough about what she was thinking. Thor hoped Heimdall's sister would take the hint and let this go before things got ugly. Hel, he'd rather a confrontation with Loki than to see Lilith's rage again. Of course she didn't.

"If you're so out of practice, then all the more reason to stay. How else are you going to get your skills back?"

"I'm not a warrior, Sif. Now if you excuse me…"

"One round. You and me. I'll prove you wrong. And if I don't, I won't stop you if you want to go. But give me one round first."

I'd been effectively snared in a trap- no better than a hunted animal. If I tried to refuse, I'd only make a fool of myself with everyone watching. Then again, if I stepped into a fighting ring against Sif, my chances of that weren't any less. The last time I'd done this, she and I were mere children. Hel, I couldn't _recall_ the last time I'd held a weapon. Months before the ordeal with Danethar began- perhaps years; whereas Sif had spent all this time training with the likes of Thor and the others.

_She never said how long the round must be_, I reasoned thoughtfully. _If I play up my lack of skills, it'll be over soon enough_. Then I glanced briefly over the woman's shoulder to see Loki and Thor watching our conversation. Quick it might be, but I wasn't sure I could endure the ridicule from either of them if I appeared _that_ helpless. I resented Sif for putting me in this awkward situation. In our youth, she'd been the closest thing to a friend, and even that was stretching the term. Maybe this was her attempt she to make up for lost time, but I might have appreciated a different approach if that's what she had in mind. Maybe my cousin put her up to it. No way to know for sure. One thing I did know. I had no way out and no way to win.

"One round," I conceded reluctantly. "Just pray you're not sorry you asked for it, because I highly doubt it'll pose any thrill or challenge for you."

Sif grinned and moved as if to give me a light punch to the shoulder, but I side-stepped it in time for her knuckles to graze the stone instead. I know she hadn't meant any harm in it, but I wasn't about to submit to anyone else touching me ever again. Maddie's ministrations had been a necessity in the days after I awoke; now I was fully healed and had no need for anyone to get that close. The expression on my face must have warned her not to try again. I think she must have understood the reason for my aversion to physical contact. Thank the gods she didn't try to apologize, though. The female warrior merely gestured back to the training yard.

"We'll see, Lilith. But since I made the challenge, it's only fair to let you choose the weapon."

I kept my eyes carefully away from everyone, concentrating on the array of swords, staves, axes and other weapons. Sure, long ago I'd had cursory lessons in each. All Asgardians had _some_ training in physical combat, and especially anyone living in its palace. That didn't mean I had been any good at any of them. _The axe is definitely out. I doubt I could _lift_ it much less _wield_ it around._ While I continued to make a decision, I could feel the stares of the others burning into my back. _Forget choosing what I'd be good at. Let's just go with what I'll suck at the least._

"I suppose if it's my choice, I'll go with these," I said, lifting a pair of long knives from their holding rack.

They'd always been a favorite of mine, even if I never thought myself very proficient with them. In any case, I'd practiced with them more than any of the others. If I were to have any hope of not making a complete fool of myself, these would be my best chance. When I looked to Sif, she was staring at the knives rather than at me.

"Are you sure?"

"Second thoughts?"

She looked uncertain, as did the other warriors present. No surprise. Even though these blades weren't as sharp as knives used in real battles, they could still damage someone if a move went awry. I thought Thor looked paler than usual. And Loki…well, I wasn't sure what the God of Mischief thought, but he was more restless than usual. My attention was focused on Sif, so I couldn't see properly, but he might have leaned over to Thor to whisper something. Too hard to tell, and I couldn't hear anything, anyway. Odd.

"No, I won't renege on the challenge," Sif assured me with a sideways glance at Thor. He shrugged helplessly at her, so she selected a pair of knives for herself. "Ready?"

I tested the weight of the weapons in my hands, trying to remember the balance and feel of them. Strangely enough, they weren't as unfamiliar as I'd expected. Maybe all that training in my younger days hadn't been as useless as I'd believed. The blade edge flashed brilliantly in the late afternoon sun as I curved one of them in a gentle arc. A slight smile tugged at my lips and I nodded.

"Yeah, I'm ready."

We squared off in the dusty ground. Thor signaled for the match to begin, and I tried to block everyone else out of my mind. Couldn't afford to be distracted if I wanted to survive this match with any dignity. Sif struck first, her move not as quick as I suspected she could have made it. Either she'd deliberately chosen to take it easy for my sake, or she was testing my skills for weakness. Hard to say with her, and it didn't really matter why in the end. I parried it with a glancing blow from the knife in my left hand. The impact skittered down the blade and into my hand, stinging with needle-like pinpricks. That was a lesson I'd forgotten, and not one in need of further reminders.

I ignored the discomfort and adjusted my grip to prepare for my next move. From there it was a dance of glinting steel. Sif and I took turns savoring an advantage over the other. But then I made an error, allowing her to draw a thin line across my right forearm. Not a deep wound, but it stung like Hel. That's when the match changed. Rather than shrink back from the pain, I rushed into it- embracing it with a galvanizing sense of energy. Sif struggled to keep up with the onslaught as I advanced on her again and again. Until finally, I'd caught one of the warrior's knives in a pincer move and flipped it away from her. She held the other in a gesture of surrender, and I very nearly disregarded it to finish her with a complete rout. Only the barest of control held me back.

Awareness of where I was and who was watching came back to me by degrees. First, the settling dust in the wake of our scuffle, each mote catching the slanting rays of sunlight in thick beams of gold. I coughed lightly. The sound made me acutely aware of the silence around us as Sif and I caught our breaths. No cheers or jests about the match as was customary for these sort of competitions. And lastly the hardest to face- wary looks from the eyes of those watching us. Even from the woman before me, who'd been so eager a moment ago to issue this challenge. Now she seemed unnerved by the outcome. I couldn't blame them. I had expected to do well, much less _win_. Still, the stares were making me wish I had lost. I lowered my eyes to the cut on my arm, which was bleeding sluggishly.

_Best see to that, I guess._

Without a word, I stepped back from the ring and laid the knives on the table. A pile of linen strips littered one end of its scarred surface, so I selected one and began binding my arm. Behind me, I heard the sounds of movement and hushed whispers. Angry whispers. But I refused to turn around to see who they belonged to; I didn't want to know. Then out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sif lay her weapons down next to mine. She closed the distance between us and leaned against the table on an elbow.

"Out of practice my ass, Lilith," she remarked wryly. "I'm sure Thor wishes all his warriors were as 'out of practice' as you are."

I shrugged and said nothing as I continued wrapping my arm.

"How bad's the arm?"

"It's fine. A scratch."

"Still, probably a good idea not to aggravate it by fighting another round."

"Wasn't planning on it. I promised you one and you got it."

"Yeah, but…"

"I told you- I'm not a warrior."

"Could have fooled me."

"Yeah, well, I'm not." I finished with the makeshift bandage and started to walk away, but Sif wouldn't let me.

"Stay awhile, Lilith. Just because that scratch has you sitting out doesn't mean you can't watch the fun of others having a go. Before you arrived, I put your cousin Thor in the dirt- _twice_. You have to admit that's worth seeing."

I didn't want to stay, feeling far too exposed here. Agreeing to that match against Sif had brought far too much attention to me from the group- especially from Thor and Loki. That had been something I'd been trying to avoid. I wasn't prepared to laugh and pretend that everything was fine between us, even if they could manage it. I'm sure Loki could, but that would be far worse than strained silence. I worried that if we started talking, my thoughts would start wandering in directions they had no business going. Surely I'd be tempted to say something stupid that would betray how tenuously I was holding onto the anger from our last argument.

I couldn't have Loki finding out that I wondered if he'd kept reading the books. Or if I was mistaken about his intentions during our argument. Why Liam of Micharea looked so much like him. So many things, and all of them confusing. And if Loki found out, I'd surely be humiliated. So in an effort to save myself, I found a reason not to stay.

"I can't. I should really go have this looked at by Maddie."

"She's out of the city today," Sif told me. "Heimdall mentioned something about seeing her leave this morning. A trip out to one of the outskirts for supplies or something. Won't be back for a few hours yet."

_So much for that excuse. Time to try again._

"Berath or Julia would be around, though."

"If you want it taken care of right away, why bother with them at all? Loki could make himself useful and heal that scratch in no time."

I hoped my shock wasn't obvious, but inside I was reeling. Since when did _he_ know anything about healing magic? Sure, Loki excelled at all manner of learning, but what could have given the God of Mischief a reason to study that particular skill? _Don't you know, _whispered a voice almost too softly for me to hear it. _What in the name of the nine realms was that?! _ I didn't know, but I didn't like it one bit. An odd shiver passed through me, and I staunchly refused to contemplate the possible answers to the question. In any case, no way was I going to let him heal my wound. Not when I couldn't trust how I'd react when he got that close to me.

_No, Trickster, you stay right where you are- far away from me. For your own good as much as mine._

"It's not that bad, Sif. I can wait."

"Good, then you can do that just as well here as back in your suite. Why would you want to waste an afternoon indoors, anyway?"

"I spent all morning in my garden," I protested thinly.

"Come on, Thor. Help me out."

"I'm afraid you're on your own with this one, Sif. I don't think my opinion is going to help you any."

"Why not?"

"It just won't."

"You have to have _some_ reason for saying so," she pressed him.

"Just drop it."

The training yard thrummed with tension as they stared at one another. I realized very quickly that she didn't know that we weren't on the best terms at the moment. For that, I was grateful, but it did pose problems right now. Sif wasn't going to let this go until she got an answer, or if I provided a reason for her to do so. And I only had one way of doing that. With effort, I made my voice as light-hearted as I could.

"No need to torture anyone with a full-scale inquisition. I'll stay for a little while."

Sif turned back to me, her budding quarrel with Thor halted for the moment. Behind her, I caught his confused look- and the shrewd one from Loki. He at least recognized why I had suddenly changed my mind. Most of the others didn't seem to think much on the whole exchange. Except Lord Timar, who appeared thoughtful. Sif may not know the status of things where I was concerned, but I suspected he did. Better keep an eye on him; maybe I might find an excuse to look his way for some answers I still needed.

"If you say so, Lilith. But I think I could get the better of him with a few more minutes."

"Save it for the ring, where it's a fairer fight," I jested with a smile. Several others chuckled at that, finally beginning to relax. "Bound to be a more interesting one, anyway."

"We'll see. All right, have it your way." The female warrior turned to the others. "So who's up next?"

From that point, I gratefully bowed out of the spotlight. Two warriors I didn't know stepped into the ring and engaged in an impressive display of hand-to-hand combat. Around them, spectators cheered on one or the other; Thor was one of the most enthusiastic. By contract, I must have seemed quite out of place with my somber vigil. I wasn't the only one, though. Loki was just as silent the few times I dared peek over at him. From time to time, I had the strange feeling that he was likewise stealing glances my way, but never kept my eyes on him long enough to find out.

Several other matches went on, and I debated trying to slip away again. Just as I was about to make a move, though, Loki stepped forward to challenge his brother. Curiosity got the better of me, and I stayed where I was to see the outcome. Those two were always at odds, but rarely in a strictly physical confrontation. Quite frankly, I was surprised to see the God of Mischief partaking in today's sport. As a prince of Asgard, he was certainly trained for combat like his brother. But I never knew him to relish these competitions like the others.

_Apparently, I thought wrong._

They fought with staves- if you could call it fighting. Really, that word was far too crude for what they were doing. The intricate moves reminded me of court dances. They combined a stealthy conservation of motion with a savage kind of elegance that I found impossible not to find intriguing. Far more interesting than the dueling of swords and other weapons the rest of them had been sparring with. Granted, those battles took skill and poise to do well, but they were somehow lacking compared to this.

Halfway through, I was struck with the uncomfortable realization that I'd been watching Loki almost the whole time. Even worse, my earlier fears had come true. My thoughts hadn't stayed focused on the match, and had drifted into that dangerous realm of noticing things that I shouldn't notice. Shouldn't _want_ to notice. Like how the lines of his battle armor flattered his lean build, for starters. Or that its green color brought out the emerald accents in depths of his eyes. Definitely shouldn't be wondering what his elegantly long fingers would be like when they traded a weapon for something else. For some_one_ else.

_Stop it, Lilith! You're _angry _with him. Don't forget what he wanted from you- and what he will _never_ want from you._ But even that stern lecture didn't help. I couldn't understand what was wrong with me. Why couldn't I banish these thoughts- and why was I having them in the first place? I had to get away from here before anyone else noticed. Unfortunately, I was too far from the archway to duck away without detection, so I had to wait until the challenges were over. At least this one, anyway. I settled down to wait, swearing at my lack of self-control the whole time.

It ended in a draw; neither brother seemed able to best the other enough to declare a winner. The lack of one didn't seem to bother the warriors, who declared the match one of the best of the day. I kept my gaze far away from the crowd of congratulators, judging when would be the right moment for me to slip away. I pretended to be preoccupied with the linen wrapped around my arm, picking at a frayed edge absently. To my right, a clatter of wood on wood startled me enough that I looked up to see what caused it. Immediately wished I hadn't. Loki stood only a few feet away, having returned the staves to their holders.

I said nothing- couldn't, since a hard lump picked this moment to lodge in my throat. Even if that weren't an issue, my heart was pounding so fiercely that I wondered no one else could hear it. So I just stared and prayed that's all he came over here to do. _Please don't make this any harder for me. _I doubt he heard that plea, but it sure didn't work. The God of Mischief's eyes drifted to my injured arm and then back to mine. I knew what he was going to say next even before the first word left him. Nothing I could do to stop him, though.

"Sif was right, you know," he told me. "I could heal your arm if you wanted."

"It'll be fine. A day or two and the scratch will have disappeared."

"Or you might end up with an infection."

"I can manage."

"Why take the risk if there's no need to," he queried in concerned tones that were thoroughly disconcerting.

Feeling somewhat panicked at being backed into a metaphorical corner, my first instinct was to lash out with something hurtful so he'd leave me alone. I didn't want him near me, causing these unsettling thoughts and feelings. And I certainly didn't want him laying a hand on me- for healing or anything else. _Not what you were thinking a moment ago, _the voice contradicted me. I very nearly screamed aloud at the intrusion on my thoughts, fearing I was either going crazy, or maybe this was someone's idea of a game.

The effort to refocus on the matter hand was staggering, but I pushed all those worries into their corner of my mind. I held back the words that would surely push Loki away, not wanting to drag our private business into such a public setting. No matter what wrongs I felt he had done, he didn't deserve that. Of course, that still left me with the dilemma of what to do. Everyone was waiting for me to response- Loki especially. Rational thought fled, and no one was more surprised than I was at what happened next.

I ran away. Not literally, of course. But I did back away from him with a shake of my head. Hands, feet, mouth- none of them obeyed my command and reacted with a will of their own.

"No, I…" my voice rose on the edge of panic. "Can't. I have to go."

And before anyone could stop me, I fled. The stunned expressions on their faces hardly registered as I passed by. But the wounded look in Loki's eyes stayed with me the whole way back to my suite. I slammed the great wooden door closed behind me and collapsed against it, breathing hard. My eyelids swept down and I tried to banish the events from my mind. Not only did that not work, it made things worse. That haunting picture of Loki standing there, sad and hurt, swam before me.

_Why? Why do you _do _things like that, Loki? Just to make me crazy and upset? And why does it bother me so much that I could have hurt you?_


	30. Chapter 29: A New Start

Frigga sat across from her chief landscaper and tried not to let her distress show as he gave her the latest update on Lilith. They'd been meeting once every two or three days since she started working in the garden. Lord Gerrard never asked why she was so interested in how things were going, nor did she explain her reasons to him. Until this audience, Frigga had been encouraged by what he'd had to say- even when he complained that Lilith wanted to grow Distar. Today, though, she was alarmed enough to ply him for more information. Frigga had to be sure.

"And you're sure- not once in the past five days?"

"No, my Queen. I've passed by every morning as you've asked, and these past few days I've not seen Lady Ilsa with her in the garden."

"And you're sure that she hasn't switched to the afternoon?"

"No, my Queen," Lord Gerrard assured her. "The afternoon crew hasn't reported seeing her, either."

_Why did you stop going to see her, my son? What happened?_

Asking Gerrard those questions would do her no good. If she was to get any answers, she'd have to speak with Loki directly. At this time of day, she could think of only two places he could be- the library or the dungeons. Frigga would try the library first and would hope to find him there, having no desire to descend to Danethar's prison cell. Odin had warned her only a short time ago that she should stay away from it. He didn't say why; then again, he didn't really have to.

"I thank you for your information, Lord Gerrard. Please continue to look out for the Lady Lilith and report to me if you notice anything else unusual."

"I will, my Queen. Is there anything else?"

"Just one question. How goes the experiment with the dreaded Distar plant? I know that caused you much concern in the beginning."

The man was quiet at first. Frigga had expected him to decry the project as a disaster, and repeat his demand that Lilith rip out the noxious weed. At last, he managed a reluctant sigh.

"I'm afraid I may have to apologize to the Lady for my remarks. Truly, I never expected it possible to tame that plant, but it appears that she has found a way. The garden is thriving, even the other plants."

"And the other plots around it?"

"No encroachment so far. The Lady has it under control."

"Good to hear."

"I don't know how or why she thought to try, but the result is quite remarkable."

_A talent she's applied to more than the Distar plant, and with no less remarkable results_, Frigga mused to herself. To Gerrard, she merely nodded in agreement.

"I'll be interested to see the effect for myself when she's finished. Thank you again for the update- I think that'll be all for today."

He stood and bowed.

"I take my leave with your permission, my Queen."

"Of course. Good day, Lord Gerrard."

Once he'd gone, Frigga wasn't long in leaving the salon to find her son. It wouldn't be easy, even if he were in the library. She was determined to try, though. The doors opened easily to her touch and Frigga stepped inside the room. How long had it been since she'd been in here last? Longer than she cared to admit.

Fifteen minutes passed as Frigga wandered the labyrinth of bookshelves with no sign of Loki anywhere. She was about to give up when she rounded a corner and spotted him at one of the tables. Around him large, ancient tomes were stacked at least a foot high. Several lie open to a page, only to have been discarded in favor of another. Her son sat in the midst of them, pouring over an equally impressive volume with a frustrated scowl on his face. Whatever he was searching for, he was having trouble finding it. Perhaps a distraction would be welcome, so Frigga cleared her throat. Loki snapped his head up.

"Mother," he said in surprise. "What brings you here?"

"I came looking for you, my son."

"Why?"

"I met with Lord Gerrard this morning. He tells me that 'Ilsa' hasn't been seen in the garden with Lilith in several days. Care to explain why?"

"I wouldn't," he replied shortly.

His tone might bespeak anger, but Frigga caught a glimpse of the misery in his eyes. He'd talk if she prodded hard enough. She sat across from him and waited a few minutes before pursuing the subject.

"From what I'd heard lately, you were making progress with her. Now it seems like you've given up. Something happened that's driven you away from Lilith to bury yourself in here instead. What was it?"

He stubbornly refused to answer for a long while, but relented in the end. Pushing the book aside, he placed his hands on the table and sighed.

"Mother, I couldn't do it anymore."

"I understand that you did not want to play the role of 'Ilsa' again…"

"That's not what I meant. If this were just about playing the part of 'Ilsa', it wouldn't be so difficult."

"Then what?"

"It's the way Lilith changes when I'm _not_ 'Ilsa' that I can't live with. I can deal with her rancor and…fear…of me. Or I can be someone else that she trusts and considers to be her friend. I can't endure being both. Especially not after…"

Loki stopped short of finishing that last sentence. Frigga knew whatever he had left unsaid was the reason he'd stopped going to see Lilith. But the defeated tone in his voice almost kept her from asking about it. She knew this task wasn't easy for him, but hadn't realized just how much strain he was under. Pride for Loki's tenacity not to crumble or turn back to his old ways swelled in Frigga's heart.

"After what, son," she asked gently.

"I'm surprised Thor hasn't already told you," Loki replied with a wry smile. "He was there and saw it just as well as I did."

"Saw what?"

"Lilith ran from me. I offered to heal a cut on her arm from Sif's knife and the way she looked at me…she was terrified at the thought of me getting that close to her. And then she ran out of there as fast as she could."

Frigga had heard none of this from Thor- or anyone for that matter- and was quite taken aback by Loki's brief story. So many things didn't make any sense. She needed more information before she could try to help him.

"How did Sif manage to cut her arm in the first place?"

"It was an accident," he muttered. Frigga suspected he had words with the warrior about it- accident or not. "They were sparring and Sif got a lucky hit."

"Sparring? _Lilith?_ Whatever possessed her to do something so dangerous- and against a warrior like Sif? She could have gotten herself killed."

"So we all thought, too, when she agreed to the match. But oddly enough, Sif was the one who was routed. I don't think any of the warriors who saw it will forget. Lilith was…" a strange look passed over his face- admiration, perhaps? He shook his head and continued. "Suffice to say, I don't think anyone will challenge her again."

And yet you say after having the determination to challenge Sif in physical combat she ran away from a simple healing? I confess that isn't what I've come to expect from Lilith since her return to the palace. I wonder what could have caused such a change."

"Mother, please. I don't wish to discuss it."

The pain in that plea stopped her cold.

"All right, son, I'll let it go. I only wish I could help in some way."

"You can't. No one can help me out of this mess. I have to do it myself."

"Is that what all this is for, then," she asked as she gestured to the books. "Looking for answers."

"For something else, but yes."

"For?"

He leveled a grim stare at her, and Frigga understood very quickly that Loki wasn't going to tell her no matter how many times she tried asking. A nervous fluttering settled in the pit of her stomach. From the look of the text, those were books of ancient enchantments, though she couldn't decipher them. What might he be looking for that he didn't want her knowing about? Frigga did her best not to let worry and paranoia grip her. She had to trust that he wasn't planning anything nefarious.

"I see. Well, I shall leave you to your study." Frigga stood. I hope you find what you're looking for."

Loki smiled wanly and nodded.

"So do I, Mother. So do I."

I heard footsteps on the path and glanced up, hoping to see Ilsa arriving. It wasn't. Just another random visitor to the garden passing through. Disappointed, I bent down to continue with my work. Alone. As I had for the past five days. Ever since that afternoon when I'd been coerced into that contest with Sif that had ended so abruptly. More importantly, since the morning I'd shared my concern with her about the nightmares. No explanation or anything. She'd just vanished as suddenly as she'd reappeared. I couldn't help thinking it was my fault.

_I shouldn't have told her about them. It was too much to expect her to handle, and now she doesn't want to risk that I'll want to tell her more about it. _What other explanation would make sense? None that I could think of. _I'll give her a few more days before I start looking again. She's not getting away so easily this time._

Not having Ilsa here had shown me how much I'd hated being so alone, cut off from everyone. I hadn't felt this alone since before I was wed to Danethar, an anonymous nobody scurrying around the palace without anyone to notice me. I'd boasted to Loki not long ago that I had no problem going back to a life of solitude and that I didn't need any friends. I was not happy to discover that it was proving more difficult than I had expected. And speaking of Loki…

The days alone also gave me too much time to dwell on my declaration of war on Thor and Loki. Mostly the latter, but Thor as well. I was almost convinced that my initial reaction to finding out they knew about my talents had been unfair. Odin and Frigga were a different story. I still was not prepared to forgive them of anything, or consider that they wanted anything more than access to my gates. But Thor and Loki…perhaps I'd misjudged them. Nearly three weeks had passed since the horrendous argument that rent our tentative friendships asunder, and since then neither of them had made a single attempt to bring up my ability. From Thor, I'd seen only the occasional kicked puppy look- like he couldn't understand what he'd done wrong to make me so angry with him.

As for his brother, a whole different confusing mess there. For the most part he'd kept his distance, except for the few times we'd been thrown unexpectedly together. Times like the other day, when I wondered if I'd actually managed to hurt his feelings. _That doesn't' mean he hadn't planned to use the gates and isn't still playing some game now. How can I think of trusting anything he does to be genuine?_

Before Thor told me his brother knew about my ability, I'd believed him capable of sincerity. During our conversations in the library, he'd been so…different. I'd been so sure in those moments that no lie had been lurking behind his words. How had one sentence managed to shake my instincts so badly? Just because it made the most sense to believe that it had been an illusion? Or perhaps, as I was beginning to suspect now, because it made things easier for me by providing a way out of what was becoming a potentially dangerous situation?

Over the last few days, I'd forced myself to admit that I was attracted to Loki. Not just the witty conversationalist who'd debated books with me in the library, but his physical person as well. Why or how I it happened I couldn't say. Didn't matter why; after what happened at the training yard the other day, I couldn't deny that it was true. And it scared the Hel out of me. I wasn't a starry-eyed maiden who fantasized about an ideal of a prince who would sweep me off my feet and be my faithful, perfect lover. Even when I _had _been a maiden, I'd never been so naïve. No one was ever going to be perfect, and only a fool pretended not to see a person's flaws. Perhaps that was why I never did feel any attraction for anyone in those years. I was too preoccupied with looking for faults to see anything else. Disturbing to have those impulses surfacing now- and for Loki of all possible people.

Yet here I was, mentally picturing the god as he'd been that second day in the library before things went so wrong, eyes bright with amused laughter. And that smile…so much conveyed in the curved bow of his lips. Everyone else's seemed plain and lifeless by comparison. I would certainly never be bored looking at him, always finding something new or unexpected. My thoughts drifted to his hands; I had always been fascinated by hands, and tended to notice them first when I met someone. Loki's were among the most beautiful I'd ever seen- man or woman. The battle with Thor had given me a different perspective, but even holding a weapon, they were still graceful. No different than when I'd seen them dance over the piano keys in my suite weeks ago. Artist and warrior; the man of many talents.

A sharp pain drew me out of my reverie and back to the garden. I'd been so distracted that I'd stuck my hand right into a thicket of Distar and had gotten pricked by its spines. Hastily, I jerked my arm out of the vines, trying not to hiss at the sensation of the nettles scraping against my skin. As I stared at my injured hand, spidery lines of red crisscrossed the back of it. They'd fade by this afternoon- if even that long- but that wasn't the point. No, I was far more annoyed that I let it happen because I'd wasted my time on a pointless daydream. Just because I'd discovered this attraction for the God of Mischief, that didn't mean anything would come of it. In fact, I was dead certain that nothing would. It would pass eventually.

With Ilsa gone, I had a lot to do if I wanted to keep the garden healthy. Weeds were already poking out of the soil, and the Distar needed to be gently trained to climb onto the trellises before thy choked the other plants. So I grabbed the gloves out of my satchel of tools and set myself to the task. The scratches on my hand stung a little as I pulled them on, but I paid that little mind. Then it was straight to work, gently arranging the climbing vines so they would latch onto the sturdy latticework of wood. Mature plants were very strong, but when they were this young, too much stress too quickly and they would snap.

_I wish you'd come back, Ilsa_, I sighed while repositioning a particularly stubborn vine. _As much as I wasn't looking forward to telling you about the mess I'm in with Odin's sons, I could think of no one else who'd understand what it means to me that this garden- this particular garden more than any other I could have designed- thrived when so many would believe it wouldn't._

Not only that, but I had debated opening the doorway to Micharea this afternoon. I owed Lilith and Liam an update that Ilsa was well. The garden took up most of our time lately; I hadn't given much thought to anything else until I was telling her about the nightmares. But then the subject turned and we never got back to it before she'd left for the day. Now I wondered if I'd missed my chance to reunite the four of us again. _I suppose I could still open the gateway and at least _tell_ them I've seen her and she is safe,_ I reasoned. _But I'm sure they'd feel better if they heard it from Ilsa directly._

I was stalling, of course. There was only one reason why I would hesitate to visit Micharea again. Liam. I didn't want to face him any more than Loki. That's why I hadn't gone back since I'd opened the gate for Thor in the library. As long as I never opened the gate again- never saw him again- I could convince myself that I'd been mistaken in thinking they looked alike. But the second I went back, I knew I'd see that for the lie it was. So perhaps Ilsa had done me a favor by not returning to the garden. Once more day I could avoid that quandary.

My back was facing the pathway through the garden when I heard more footsteps. This time I didn't pause at my work or look up to see who it was; it wouldn't be Ilsa, so what was the point? I kept on with my task and pretended I couldn't hear anything. Then a voice called out to me.

"Excuse me, miss, but we were wondering what plants you're growing in this garden," asked an unfamiliar female voice. "My friend and I have never seen them before."

I almost decided to ignore them, not in the mood to deal with gawkers or the like, but turned around in the end. It would just be easier to send them on their way and be done with it. My eyes rose to meet those of my unexpected guests. They recognized what my ears had not- Lord Timar's wife. I remembered her from the feast several months ago, though I couldn't place the woman next to her. As far as random visitors went, it could have been worse. Maybe if I was pleasant enough to her, I could find out what her husband knew about me. Drawing off my gloves, I brushed stray wisps of hair way from my face and tried to smile. Not sure if I succeeded, but they smiled back, anyway.

"Lady Birgitta. What a surprise to see you here," I said. "What brings you to the palace today?"

"Marie and I just needed a chance of scenery. It gets quiet in our corner of the city after a while, so we thought we'd come here for the day. Is this your garden, Lady Lilith?"

"It's just Lilith, and yes, it is."

"I heard form Thor that you'd been working on one, but didn't know where it was. I'm surprised to find it so out of the way of the main paths. Very few visitors venture this far."

_Precisely its appeal_, I thought to myself.

"This plot needed someone to care for it," I answered with a shrug. "Didn't matter to me whether anyone else saw it or not."

"Of course. So- what plant is that on the trellis- if you don't mind my asking?"

"Distar."

"But…" she glanced at Marie. "I always heard that was a weed."

"Hmm…yes. Most people think so. I have much higher esteem for it, though, and am experimenting with its potential." After a slight pause, I added a final thought. "Much to the lament of the chief landscaper, I fear. Lord Gerrard is not so optimistic."

"Seems he's worried over nothing to me."

The three of us stood silent for a time. I was curious to see what Lady Birgitta would do if I didn't try to help along the conversation. Would she find some excuse to leave, or take up the challenge as Ilsa had? If she didn't have the tenacity to deal with my personality as it was, I was better off knowing her character now before I wasted any time on her. The woman was not so easily intimidated, however, and held her ground while her friend fidgeted. At last, Birgitta spoke.

"I'm sure managing a garden this size takes quite a bit of your time, Lilith, but I was wondering if you had any interest in visiting us in the city sometime."

Not at all what I'd expected her to say, and presented me with a two-sided opportunity. On the one hand, invaluable for ferreting out information from Timar; on the other, an uncomfortable social engagement that I knew I would most likely not enjoy. Not to mention that I knew it would take me near my former residence in the warrior's quarter. Since the day Thor and I had gone to retrieve my cello, I'd avoided it. Even during my midnight walks. I had no interest in going back there, but if I wanted to find out what was behind that look from Timar the other day, I didn't have much choice.

"Perhaps," I answered in a neutral tone.

"I had wanted to invite you a long time ago."

"Did you? And what caused the delay?" As if I didn't know. And because I knew exactly what kept her- and everyone else in that part of the city- blind to my existence for all those months, bitterness and anger set in. My pleasant façade fell away and I arched a brow at her scornfully. "But that would have meant coming to Danethar's house, wouldn't it? And no one ever came to that place unless forced to." _Almost no one_. "I guess coming to the palace of the Allfather himself seems safer to you. Not the smartest assumption to make, Lady Birgitta."

She weighed my words carefully, and I saw the moment a light turned on in her mind.

"I'd wondered if the reason none of us saw you around the city these past few weeks was your cousin's doing. That's not it, though, is it? It was yours."

"You could say that," I admitted with a shrug. "I'm not fond of pity or false words of kindness from people who know nothing about me. I certainly don't need to put myself on display for anyone's curiosity because I was married to Danethar."

"Not everyone thinks that way," Birgitta argued. "In fact, I'd say very few do."

"Then you'd be mistaken. I've been to the city a few times recently, and I see the glances from people when they recognize who I am. They all want to know one thing about me- one thing only: Are the stories true?"

Another long pause.

"Speaking for all the women who spent even the briefest moment around Danethar, Lilith, we _know _whatever we've heard is the _least_ of what really happened. None of us can quite believe you survived him as long as you did. I know several women who didn't."

I was tempted to tell her that those were the lucky ones, but saying so would have told her more than I wanted either of them to know. So I held that back and approached the subject from a different angle. Safer for me, but perhaps not for the Allfather.

"No woman should have had to worry whether she'd _survive_ him in the first place. Or the others like him."

Marie had been quiet during the whole conversation, but I saw the barest nod of agreement from her at that. A story lurked behind those bruised eyes. Which monster was she running from? I knew it couldn't be Danethar by the look of her. She wasn't his type, nor would she have survived even one night with him if she had been. Probably one of his trained dogs- Eckert or Willem. I didn't ask her about it; didn't ask Birgitta, either, though I saw her eyes dart sideways to the woman with a knowing look.

"That whole lot has been taken care of," she replied at last.

"Eventually," I added. "And only when pleading ignorance was no longer an option." Now I'd made them uncomfortable. They agreed with me, but weren't willing to say so aloud. Not yet, anyway. It wouldn't take long before they would, though. I kept note of that while I shook my head at them. "You see why perhaps it's best I don't mingle. I don't exactly play well with others. I'm sure some might like to think that's Danethar's fault, even though I'm not so certain it is."

"Well," Birgitta managed with a nervous swallow. "The invitation to come visit us still stands, if you're interested. Come by any day."

"Thank you for the offer, Lady Birgitta. As I said, I may take you up on it. I'm guessing you'll be leaving now?"

"I think we've detained you long enough from your gardening for the afternoon."

"Good day, Ladies."

"Good day, Lady Lilith."

They shuffled away, and I watched for a moment until they were out of sight. From the way their heads were tilted, I knew they were whispering to one another. No doubt about me and what I'd said to them, but I couldn't hear any of it. They could talked all they liked. Quite frankly, I hoped they would. _Go on and repeat those seeds I've sown in your mind to the other women in your circles. Let's see how long it takes for them to bear fruit and come knocking at the Allfather's door where all this began._ It might take weeks or months, but I intended he should have to answer for the suffering he let go on in Asgard. For now, though, I had a garden that needed my attention. Turning my back on the pathway, I stuffed my gloves on again and returned to work.

Heimdall wondered why his sister was sticking so closely to the Bifrost lately. She'd been on guard duty nearly a week without a rotation. It wasn't like her, and he wondered if it had anything to do with that friendly tournament Thor had hosted the other day. Heimdall hadn't been able to attend, but he'd seen snippets of the events that aroused his curiosity. To have Loki attend one was unusual, but he could have sworn he'd seen Lilith there as well. Highly out of the ordinary. No one seemed to be of a mind to discuss it, though, which he found even stranger. Most times, a contest like that would inspire good-natured banter about the outcome of the matches for weeks.

_So what went wrong that has everyone so quiet?_

Would that he had only that to worry him, but it was far from the most pressing on his mind. No, that was reserved for Lilith and her nightmares. They were getting worse as far as he could tell, as was the temporal distortion around her room when she had them. He still couldn't _see_ any evidence of a gate, but Heimdall was certain that's what was happening now. And unlike the gates to Micharea, this one concerned him. Not just for Lilith's sake, but for all of Asgard, too.

Whatever lived beyond that portal, it was no benevolent race that posed no threat. He had no idea how many lived there or their ultimate goals might be. Right now, they were determined to torment Lilith in her sleep. What might they do if free to break into Asgard itself? Perhaps they were already trying to, and she was keeping them at bay in her dreams. The woman was strong, but she couldn't hold them back forever if they decided they wanted to invade. Heimdall couldn't answer any of his questions on the matter, and so he considered that he may have to speak with Odin before too long. Only the worry that it might cause Lilith more harm had stayed his hand so far, but she couldn't endure much more of this if he kept silent.

_I could summon the Jotun here and ask _him_ about it. _Heimdall could hardly believe he was seriously going to ask the God of Mischief for help. If this weren't about Lilith, he likely wouldn't. But since it was, he had a good chance that Loki would cooperate. _It's worth a try, anyway._

"Hey, Sif," he called out in a booming voice that carried over the Bifrost. "I've got a job for you if you've got a minute."

"What now," she asked after popping her head through the archway into his guard post. "I'm not running to the barracks to fetch you another plate of cheese biscuits. Grethel said she wouldn't bake another batch until tomorrow, so you've gotten all you're going to get for the day."

_One time I ask for a favor and I never hear the end of it_, he grumbled inwardly.

"No, that's not it. I need you to deliver a message for me."

"To who?"

"Loki."

That got her full attention, and Sif stepped all the way into the guard post.

"Oh really. And what's in this message for the Jotun?"

"Tell him I'm inviting him to engage in our old game if he's of a mind to play." She looked at him oddly. "He'll know what it means."

"And if I do fetch him for you, can I watch this 'old game' to see how it goes?"

"Well…" _Better if you weren't here for that, even if he'd agree to it._

"Seems like a fair price to me, if you want him here so badly."

"What interest do you have in all this? I never thought you were so agreeable towards the God of Mischief."

"I could say the same for you, Brother." When he didn't answer, she supplied one of her own. "But I think I can guess what has changed your mind. Or rather, _who_."

He did try to speak then, but Sif kept talking.

"It's something to do with Lilith, isn't it?"

"Yes," he admitted wearily, knowing she wouldn't let it go otherwise.

"All the more reason why I'd like to see what you want from Loki on that score," she pointed out with a short laugh. As she turned to walk out, Sif added over her shoulder. "Because after what I saw a few days ago, I have my own thoughts."

"What did you see a few days ago," he demanded loudly enough to make her stop. Of course, Sif had intended for him to do that when she said it, but she feigned a surprised look as she ducked back into the room.

"What?"

"I asked what you saw."

She crossed her arms at him triumphantly, knowing she'd won the upper hand. Heimdall knew it, having seen that stance too many times not to know what it meant. She was not going to make this easy for him. Why did females- even warriors like Sif- tend to play this game where they pretended not to want to tell you precisely what they wanted you to know so badly? He would never understand it, and resigned himself to playing her game. Sif began first, opening with a good natured taunt that told him nothing.

"I'm surprised with your extraordinary powers of observation that you don't already know, Heimdall."

"I have all of Asgard and Midgard to watch, Sif, if you recall. Extraordinary or not, I can't see everything everywhere at once."

"Pity that you weren't in the training yard, then, or you might have seen quite an unusual spectacle."

"During the contesting, I assume."

"During…and afterwards."

He waited several seconds for her to continue; Sif didn't. He sighed irritably.

"Well, are you going to fill me in on what I missed or not?"

"Ask me nicely and we'll see."

"Must you do this? Really?" Sif just winked at him. "Fine, we'll do this your way. Please, tell me what you saw during the matches."

"See, that wasn't so difficult. In any case, it wasn't so much the matches that caught my attention. Unless you want to hear how Lilith beat me soundly in a battle with short knives."

So she _had_ been there. And not only had she been there, Lilith had gotten dragged into competing. Heimdall suspected his sister had something to do with that. She never was one to let anyone stand on the sidelines, regardless of gender. He could only wonder how Lilith ended up in that part of the city to begin with. But while an interesting question, Heimdall let it go in favor of what else Sif might have seen that afternoon.

"I wouldn't call that a typical day in the training yard."

"It wasn't, and gave everyone a good startle- myself included. But that wasn't my point. You see, during our match, I scored a hit- not on purpose, or anything serious. Just a cut on Lilith's arm. It happens, you know. No big deal, right?"

Heimdall would usually agree. Every now and then, even a friendly test of skills would result in a minor injury. Or even a not so minor one. He still carried a scar down his left side from a match against Thor some years ago. The risk was part of the game, and so Heimdall held no ill will towards the Thunder god for the injury. But this was different. Lilith wasn't a warrior. No matter the reason why she got roped into battling with the rest of them, getting injured wasn't part of the plan.

_At least I _hope _it wasn't,_ he added silently. Sif, meanwhile, continued her story.

"I mean, even Lilith didn't see it as anything grave. She kept right on fighting- even harder than when we started. Heimdall- really, one of these days you should really see her in a match. That is, if the Jotun will let her compete again."

"I take it he disapproved?"

"That's putting it mildly. The match ends, and before I know it Loki is giving me the third degree. Over a _scratch_. You'd think I'd lopped off her arm for how upset he was. Which only convinces me all the more that I'm right, Brother. I've been telling you for weeks that I think there's something going on between the God of Mischief and Lilith. And even more interesting- it's not just on his side, either."

Heimdall's attention caught on that last part.

"Begging your pardon?"

"I told you- the matches weren't the most interesting thing I saw that day. I got Lilith to stick around even after she hurt her arm- thought I could give her a boost by putting Thor in the dirt for a third time that day. Never got the chance, but I did get to observe some very curious behavior on her part. Lilith probably thought no one was paying attention. Lucky for me. My dear brother, you should have seen the look on her face when Loki and Thor were in the ring. She watched the God of Mischief the whole time, and I can tell you that her thoughts weren't entirely focused on his skills as a warrior. Lilith was interested in him as a man- and was doing her best to pretend she wasn't."

When he said nothing, Sif continued. Thankfully, now that she'd let the first pebble shake loose, the whole avalanche of information was more than ready to tumble out of her mouth.

"Surprises you, doesn't it? Surprised me, too. Well, the first part when I realized she was interested in him, anyway. Not the trying to deny it part. After what Danethar put her through, I would not have been surprised if Lilith swore off men for the rest of her life. In her place, I might have." _Please get off that line of subject,_ he begged. _I don't need a mental picture of my sister's sex life. _Fortunately, she heeded his silent prayer. Sort of. "And to pick Loki of all men…he's decent enough to look at, I'll admit, but underneath the surface…that's asking for trouble for someone with her history. Lilith must know that, because after the match ended things got very weird between them."

"Weird meaning?"

"Well, he offered to fix up her arm. Again, you wouldn't think that's going to be an issue, right? Five seconds and it would have been over and done. But Lilith was having none of that. Made excuses at first, and then when Loki pressed her about it, she freaks out and flees the training yard."

"She ran away?"

"Well, didn't so much _run_, but moved a lot faster than any of us had expected."

"What did Loki say?"

"Nothing. He just stood there for the longest time with a strange look on his face. On anyone else, I might have called it sad or…hurt, even. But this is Loki we're talking about, so I doubt I read it right. No doubt he was just surprised and baffled as the rest of us were, that's all."

That most certainly wasn't all. Heimdall would bet anything Sif's initial instinct had been correct, but the Jotun would be far from grateful if he were to tell her so. With that in mind, he let it pass.

"I must admit- that's all very intriguing. I'm sorry to have missed it first-hand."

"As are a lot of people, I'm sure. Or would be if Thor would let us tell anyone about what happened. He said the first one who spread word of that afternoon would be exiled from the city. No idea what that was about, but it's kept everyone's tongue silent."

"Except you just told me."

"Thor figured you already knew," she replied with a shrug. "Anyway, that's everything I saw from those two. So, you still want me to go deliver this message?"

"I do."

"Alrighty. I'll be back as soon as I find him. And don't forget- you owe me a ring-side seat for this 'old game' of yours with him."

Sif swaggered out of the guard post, intent on her mission. Meanwhile, Heimdall sat and contemplated the newest pieces she'd given him for the ever growing puzzle that was Lilith and Loki. When the god came to play their game- as he knew he would- Heimdall would hold in his hand information that gave him a far greater advantage. From his sister's account of the events, Loki was as of yet unware of Lilith's interest. What might he be willing to do in exchange for finding out?

_And what might Lilith do to me if she finds out I was the one who told him?_

That last question didn't sit well on his conscience. For a moment, he'd forgotten that he was dealing with someone's feelings, and not just the location of a potential enemy or a secret battle strategy. This whole business with Loki and their game of questions was a dangerous one. Heimdall couldn't afford to forget who ultimately should win. He played for Lilith's sake, not his own.

Another very long day, but thankfully, it was nearly over. Loki wished he could say he looked forward to tomorrow; he didn't. Since the afternoon when Lilith had run from him, he'd been unable to return to her garden as 'Ilsa'. It was just too painful to keep up the pretense, no matter how much he enjoyed those hours. So instead, he spent his hours in the library, hunting for anything that might help her with the nightmares. In the last five days, he'd found nothing useful, and had just about given up hope.

Afternoons were always the same. Torture Danethar for a few hours, then back to the library again. Although today might have gone differently if he'd taken Heimdall's bait and gone to the Bifrost. Sif had come looking for him sometime mid-afternoon with a message that the Watchman wanted to play their game again. After the way the last one ended, Loki wasn't as eager to return for another round as Heimdall must have assumed. Even Sif seemed surprised when he didn't jump at the chance to return to the Bifrost. She'd gone back to her brother with a message that he would be there tomorrow. Or the next day. Loki really didn't see how it would matter when he got there. The information Asgard's watchman held wasn't going anywhere.

So instead of going to see Heimdall, he'd spent an extra few hours with Danethar. Not because it gave him any pleasure to see how long he could inflict pain from the former warrior before approaching that thin line separating life from death. Very rapidly after his conversation with Odin, he realized that telling himself that he enjoyed any of this was a hopeless lie. It was a duty, and he saw it through as best as he could, but Loki was counting the days to when he no longer had to make that long trek to the bowels of the palace to hear Danethar scream.

Speaking of screams, Loki wondered if Lilith was in the throes of yet another nightmare. Here in the library, it was hard to say. But being this far away meant he wasn't likely to drive himself mad listening to them when he couldn't do anything to stop her pain. Perhaps in another hour or so, he could risk going upstairs. Until then, he kept reading. Or at least tried to; the words blurred before his eyes. A sign he was too exhausted to concentrate, Loki supposed.

He leaned back in his chair and pressed his fingertips to his eyes with a heavy sigh. For several minutes, he didn't move. Then the sound of soft-soled shoes shuffling over the marble floor caught his attention. Loki's eyes flew open, trying to orient themselves to where he'd heard the sound. When they did, he was started to find Lilith staring back at him. They hadn't been in the same room together- much less _alone_\- since the afternoon in the training yard. Loki had no idea what to say. Neither did she, judging by the expression on her face.

"Either one or both of us must have the worst sense of timing for this to happen yet again," she muttered at last. "Right now, I'm not sure who it is." Lilith took a step backwards. "You got here first, though, so I'll leave you to whatever that is and find someplace else to go."

He found his voice before she walked away.

"You don't have to, Lilith."

"That looks important," she insisted with a nod to the hodgepodge of books littering the table. "I just came in here…"

"Looking for a distraction to keep you awake?"

Lilith sighed reluctantly.

"I guess you could put it that way."

_But you wish I hadn't,_ her eyes told him. Lilith was clearly uncomfortable with him knowing about her nightmares. Hadn't she said as much to 'Ilsa' the other day? He probably shouldn't have reminded her, but some perverse part of him couldn't help pushing the subject.

"Just because I'm here doesn't mean you can't do that."

"But…"

"Unless you're willing to let hating me keep you from doing what you really want to do."

That was a risk, and one Loki hadn't intended to take. He'd meant to say something completely different, but the filter in his brain hadn't reacted quickly enough to stop him from saying _that_ instead. And now the words were out there, leaving him feeling very exposed. Loki wasn't going to take it back or offer a way to avoid the subject now that it was in the open. For a very long time, neither of them said anything. Lilith closed her eyes, took a deep breath and let it out slowly. When she reopened them, he dreaded what she was about to say.

"I don't hate you," she said quietly. Never had he been so relieved to hear four simple words. So relieved that he almost missed that Lilith wasn't finished yet. "After Thor told me the secret was out about the gates, it was too easy to believe that explained why everyone was suddenly so interested in me. I wanted to be angry, and I did whatever I could to stay angry. I didn't care if what I said was true or fair- which it wasn't. I didn't care that I was hurtful or cruel- which I was. And for all that…I'm sorry."

Of all the things Loki had expected to hear, an apology was not among them. He could hardly believe he'd heard her correctly._ Have I fallen asleep and this is all a dream?_ No, he was definitely awake, and Lilith had definitely just delivered an apology for her part of their argument. Now that she'd made it, though, she looked decidedly uncomfortable. Loki considered what he could possibly say in response. A fitting answer came to him suddenly, and he offered a tentative smile.

"I heard once that the easiest way to deal with pain is to pass it on." Her eyes widened as he quoted her own words back to her. "Should have remembered that at the time. In any case, I came to your suite looking for a fight. Why should I be so surprised that when I got one, that didn't mean I was meant to win it? I'm sorry, too."

_You have no idea how sorry._

"I can forgive past wrongs if you can."

The tone of her voice was steady, but Loki could hear the hesitation beneath it. Lilith no doubt thought the lion's share of wrongs lay at her feet, and worried that he wouldn't be so quick to forgive them. She could hardly know that he would gladly erase the hard feelings from their argument. Compared to what he was going to ask her to forgive some day in the not too distant future, it was little more than a minor wound.

"Of course- entirely forgiven."

"Likewise." Lilith paused. "So…does that make us friends again?"

"I'd like to think so." Now he hesitated. "Does that mean you'll stay?"

Lilith caught her bottom lip with her teeth, indecision plain. He thought to tip the scale in his favor before she might decide to leave.

"Because I finished the fourth book in the series yesterday and we are very much behind in discussing what happened to the Princes and their Queen. Catching up might just take until sunrise- if not longer."

"Well then," she replied with a hint of a genuine smile. "Now sounds like a good time to get started, or we'll risk missing breakfast."

She moved to sit at the table, but Loki stood up hastily. Unlikely that she was able to read the ancient runes in the books, but he couldn't take the chance that he was wrong. He didn't want her to notice the direction of his research. At least not yet. Maybe in a few days it would be safe to bring up the topic of the nightmares. Definitely not right now, though. Loki gestured away from the table.

"I don't know about you, but these chairs are a bit uncomfortable for such a long conversation. Care to trade them for ones better suited for it?"

"Now that you mention it…yeah, probably not a good idea to sit in these all night. Would I be right in thinking I know what chairs you had in mind instead?"

"More than likely."

She smiled again, briefly, and turned away. Only when Lilith's back was to him did Loki let the relief and hope he felt show on his face. She didn't hate him. They were back to being friends, which was a long step closer to what he was hoping to be than what they'd been a few hours ago. Now all he had to do was avoid screwing things up again.


	31. Chapter 30: Double Trouble

The breakfast room was empty when Thor walked in. Rather than be pleased that he had his choice of the food laid out, he could only wonder if this would be a repeat of the last time when Loki ambushed him. Hopefully today he could eat in peace. Since the disaster in the training yard, he'd not done anything new to inspire his brother's wrath. And even that hadn't earned him more than a half-hearted lecture; Sif had gotten worse than him for scratching up Lilith's arm a bit. Still, it didn't pay to get comfortable.

The sound of animated voices from the hall reached his ears just as he'd finished that thought. Didn't _sound_ like trouble, but Thor couldn't be certain either way. He grabbed a seat at the table and prayed for the best. The voices grew louder, definitely sounding like a debate. Wait…was that Loki and Lilith? _I must be hearing things,_ he told himself. But when the pair stepped through the archway a second later, he could doubt no longer.

"Just because you _think _you could find a spell to recreate it doesn't mean you should go using it on somebody," Lilith chided his brother, but her tone wasn't as angry as Thor would expect. Almost like she was goading him to do just the opposite of her advice. "How would you know if you could undo it if you _did _succeed, anyway? Suppose someone asks where you got the idea- and who told you to look there?"

"But it would be so perfect. Especially on someone like…" Loki paused, looked at Thor and smiled. He did _not_ like the mischief in that smile. "Brother! Didn't expect to see you here at this hour still."

Lilith was immediately alarmed.

"Oh no," she protested. "Somebody else. If you won't let it go, at least pick someone less likely to bring all of Asgard down in the process."

"But…"

"Somebody _else._"

Now Loki eyed Lilith with an incorrigible grin. His cousin blinked twice, jaw hanging slightly ajar before finding her voice. Hands on hips, she leveled a fierce glare at him.

"Somebody _else_!"

At first, Thor thought his brother might argue, then Loki shrugged his shoulders in capitulation.

"Fine. Someone else. But it won't be half as fun."

"Trust me, you try that spell on who you were just thinking and it would have been far from fun."

The whole time the two of them bantered back and forth, Thor could only sit in his chair, mystified. When he'd bid his brother good night yesterday, the thought of Lilith talking to either of them hadn't been more than wishful thinking. What happened during the hours since then? He certainly welcomed her change of heart, but wasn't quite sure he trusted it yet. As he considered that puzzle, Lilith seemed to take notice that he'd never replied to Loki's greeting.

"We can argue later," she said to him. "You'll lose, but for now, I think we're being rude to ignore your brother."

"The Hel you mean 'I'll lose'? I think not, Lilith."

She shook her head at his affronted tone and walked up to the table. Instead of choosing a seat at the opposite end, as she had been the past few weeks, Lilith sat right across from him. Loki had no choice if he didn't want to look a fool standing alone; he sat next to her with an aggravated sigh. Thor would bet money that when their unfinished debate resumed, his brother would end up the loser as Lilith predicted. Feeling it wiser not to take sides, he chose to change the subject rather than voice that thought aloud.

"So…um…what's all this? I confess I'm feeling a bit confused just now. Are we all friends again?"

Lilith grew serious, and he almost thought he should have just let her amiable mood go without comment. Picking apart other people's motives and intentions was Loki's specialty, not his. Thor wasn't sure why he was digging into it. _Wouldn't it be curious if this whole thing with Lilith and Danethar changed more than just Loki and my cousin? I'm wondering if it's changed us all. _But would Lilith find his new tendency to pry a good thing or not? Judging by her expression, he was leaning towards the latter. Then she leaned on her elbows and smiled wanly at him.

"If you want to be, cousin. I," she hesitated, "may have overreacted before, and made some unfair assumptions. I'm sorry it's put us at odds for as long as it did. I wouldn't blame you if you weren't of a mind to forgive quite so quickly."

"It was my fault, too," Thor interrupted her. "I didn't realize until later how it must have sounded to you until it was too late. I've been kicking myself for it ever since."

"Must have been why Sif was able to beat you the other day- you were giving her a helping hand. Or boot, as it were."

The breakfast room rang out with his booming laugh at her good-natured jest.

"I will have to inform her that she can't take all the credit for her victories and demand a rematch. That should get her back for her boasting these past few days." Thor skewered a few pieces of bacon for his own plate. "In any case- I'm more than willing to see the end of the uneasy feelings between us if you are, cousin."

"Deal." She picked up a blueberry muffin and tore off a piece. "So what were you doing here so late? I would have thought you'd be out to the city already."

"Slept late by accident. So I figured I'd catch a quick breakfast here while I could still get one." _Rapidly turning into a much longer affair than I expected._ "The others can train without me this once, anyway. You know," he began thoughtfully, "I bet your arm is good as new. You could come practice with us. With the short knives."

"You can't be serious, Brother," said Loki, right on cue.

Which was why Thor had deliberately avoided eye contact with him when he'd made the suggestion. They'd had words about this more than a few times since the match against Sif. He was all for the idea of letting Lilith come back, but his brother was staunchly against it. Every time, Loki made some excuse that she still hadn't healed enough to do anything so dangerous. Thor knew better than to believe that was the real reason. Three weeks had gone by- more than enough time for the injuries to have knit properly without depending on magic. His brother just couldn't admit what truly bothered him. From Lilith's reply, at least it sounded like he would have a reprieve before having to face it.

"Not today, but perhaps another time."

"Lilith…"

"What?" She turned to Loki. "You think I don't have what it takes to train with weapons? Is that why you object?"

"No, I…"

"Then why not?"

Clearly, whatever happened between them last night, Loki still hadn't come clean about a lot of things. He definitely hadn't told her how he felt about her. _Although at this point it's so obvious I wonder that she hasn't figured it out for herself. _But as she hadn't, Lilith couldn't know that his brother was only too aware that _she _was more than capable of holding her own with a weapon. Just as she couldn't know that the thought of seeing her injured- even superficially- was something _he_ wasn't capable of handling just yet.

Not an evil reason to want to keep her away from the sparring ring, but Thor felt it was better to let Lilith decide what she was ready for. He saw no reason to think she wasn't. She'd been far more proficient with the short knives than he'd expected, actually. Advancing her skills would only be to her benefit. _Would that she'd used those skills against Danethar before he'd done her any harm, _came his thoughts unbidden. With the element of surprise on her side, she could have made short work of him and could have saved herself from so much pain and suffering. _Should have taught her more before she was sent off to him and maybe none of that would have happened._

Before let that guilt cut at him too deeply, Thor reminded himself that Loki was the man he was now because she'd suffered. Take that away, and he had no reason to change the trajectory of his life. Such a terrible choice, and he did not envy his father for having the responsibility of making it all those years ago. _At least I can ensure it won't happen again by giving her some skills to defend herself._

"I didn't think you'd want to be in such close quarters with so many warriors," his brother mumbled at last.

Not quite the truth, but not quite a lie, either. Lilith studied him for a few minutes, as if trying to make up her mind which way to accept those words. At last, she relented. Somewhat.

"Won't know until I get there and find out for myself. But yeah, I guess you have a point."

"Whenever you're interested in finding out, come on down to the training yard. We're there every day- mornings, usually. But as you saw the for yourself, could be there in the afternoons as well. Or ask Sif if you want some one-on-one with her. That might be better to start with."

"I might." Lilith crumpled the empty muffin wrapper, selected an orange and peeled it deftly. "As I said- not today. Still too much to do in the garden. When it doesn't require so much of my attention daily, maybe I'll have some time free."

Loki still didn't look too happy about the whole idea, but said nothing. Either Lilith didn't notice his pique, or she just pretended not to. She finished the orange, then stood.

"Speaking of gardens- I should get back to mine." With a sharp glance at Loki, she added. "And you- remember what I said or there will be Hel to pay."

Once she was gone, Thor felt compelled to ask.

"What did she say?"

"Long story."

"I could use a long story right now. For instance, how it is that overnight she's made a complete reversal on her opinions about us and the gates?"

"You think I had something to do with it."

"I didn't say that."

"But that's what you suspect, isn't it?"

"You can't deny what it looks like from my point of view, Brother."

Loki seemed as though he'd start ranting about the accusation, but held his temper long enough to think rationally. Even he had to admit that when faced with her recent behavior and his particular talent of…influencing…a person's thoughts, such a theory was not completely out of line. Even when it concerned Lilith. Thor knew his brother had been close to despairing that he could repair the rift with her, and perhaps the temptation to use a quick fix was too great. Perhaps not. Either way, he felt it was his duty to ask the question for Lilith's sake.

"I know," Loki agreed with a humorless laugh. "Changed or not, I'm sure the question will always linger in circumstances like these. But I swear I had nothing to do with it. Not in that way."

"All right, so if you didn't- how'd it come about, then?"

"Lilith came to the library last night while I was there researching-"

"Oh right- Mother mentioned you were there a lot lately. Researching what?"

"Do you want to hear about Lilith or the contents of old books?"

"Not the books," Thor said after a moment's consideration.

"That's what I thought. So it's late and I've just about had all I can take of reading for the night when she comes in and we start talking. And before I know it, I said to her what's been on my mind since the argument."

"Which was?"

"That she hated me," he answered simply.

"You said what!?"

"Surprised? So was I at the time. Wasn't my intention and was nervous as Hel when I realized what I'd said. I was so sure she'd agree with me." He paused as if recalling the encounter. "But she didn't. She said…well, you don't really need to know the details of what she said-"

"You're right; I don't," Thor interrupted Loki before he could continue. "If she'd wanted me to hear, Lilith would have waited for a less private setting."

"At the breakfast table, for instance."

"Well, I suspect her issues with me were far less complicated, so this was as good a time as any."

"So I guess you're calling me complicated by comparison."

"Loki, you are the very definition of 'complicated' in my opinion. Especially where Lilith is concerned, since I'm fairly certain she's far from straightforward herself." While his brother debated whether or not to take umbrage at his comment, Thor pressed onward. "So if you were awake so late, I'm rather surprised that either of you were up this early."

"Haven't slept yet. We spent the whole night talking."

"Come again?"

"Lilith and I came straight here from the library."

"Gods of the Allfather- talked all night? So then did you bring up anything about…" he didn't even get to finish the sentence.

"No. I couldn't. Should have, I know. That would have been the opportune moment when she was in a forgiving mood and we were already talking about things we'd done wrong."

"So why didn't you?"

His brother shrugged again and pushed the food around on his plate with a fork. At first, Thor was annoyed at his sudden reticence, but as he studied Loki's lack of enthusiasm, he immediately regretted his impatience. When he and Lilith had come in, his brother had been in such high spirits. Higher than they'd been in weeks. Thinking on the difficulties that still lay ahead had already dampened them.

"Never mind," Thor said. "I get it."

"Do you?"

"You're really that certain she won't forgive you, and this is the last chance you have to be happy before you tell her the truth."

"I am, and yes, I believe it is."

"I think you're selling Lilith short. But it's not my life, so I can't tell you what to do."

"That'll be a first," Loki replied with a wry grin. He stood up from the table. "I should get going. Apparently, Heimdall wishes to see me. I put him off yesterday, but I suppose I ought to find out what he wants."

"I wish you luck, Brother."

He wasn't sure if it was easier to deal with Thor when he was a bumbling idiot or when he showed these random flashes of intelligence. This morning, Loki might have preferred the former. He didn't need to be reminded that he was living on borrowed time with Lilith. Very soon, he knew he had to put an end to it and just tell her what had been done to her and why. All he'd wanted today was to enjoy the precious few days he had until that moment came. So he'd been all too glad to end that conversation as quickly as possible.

_Although I'm sure I won't enjoy my conversation with Heimdall any better,_ he muttered to himself. No doubt the man would have some new and unpleasant surprise for him. It was tempting to join Lilith in the garden instead, and just pretend like he'd never gotten the message from Sif to visit the Bifrost. Loki resisted the impulse by telling himself that they needed a break. If he didn't give her some time alone, he'd smother her. _So I guess I'll go fence words with the Watchman for a while._

Sif was guarding the Bifrost when he got there, and he did his best not to groan aloud when she sided up to him. What did she want now? He wanted to talk to the woman even less than her brother, still annoyed about the incident from earlier this week. He shot her a dark look when he recalled how she'd injured Lilith- even if it _had_ been just a scratch. It could have been so much worse. Sif must have guessed his thoughts.

"Oh come on, Loki, surely you can't still be mad over that thing with Lilith? It was almost a week ago and I'm sure her arm healed up just fine."

"No thanks to you."

"I didn't do it on purpose."

"_You're_ the one who coerced her into the fight in the first place."

"And, if you recall, got my butt kicked for my trouble."

For a brief moment, he allowed himself to be amused at the memory of how the challenge had ended. As much as he didn't want to see Lilith hurt, he wouldn't mind seeing her rout Sif again. A warrior beaten by a novice fighter. If he and Thor hadn't insisted no one speak of that afternoon the whole city would have heard of it by now.

"Yeah, I remember," he said with a smirk. "Served you right."

"So why continue to give me Hel over a little scratch?"

"Because I want to."

She wasn't impressed with his answer, judging by her expression. Loki had a sudden, uneasy feeling that Sif's questions weren't as innocuous as they'd first seemed. What could the woman be trying to find out?

"Couldn't be that maybe you have a _personal_ interest in Lilith, could it?" she asked slyly.

Loki stopped dead in his tracks and spun around to face her. The emphasis on 'personal' left no doubts as to her meaning. He took a step towards the female warrior, and she edged backwards. Even so, Sif didn't look like she was going to let him intimidate her into dropping the subject; he tried to, anyway.

"What did you just say?"

"You like her- don't you?"

As expected, she hadn't given in, despite the warning tone in his voice. She stood there, expectantly waiting for him to answer her question. _Is that what Heimdall wanted to tell me? That my secret's out and everyone knows how I feel about Lilith? Well, except Lilith herself, anyway,_ he added in afterthought. In any case, he didn't like that he'd been cornered.

"What's it to you either way?"

"That's a yes," she cried triumphantly. "I _knew_ it. My brother owes me for saying I was imagining things all this time."

So at least Heimdall hadn't been the one to give Loki away. No, apparently he'd done that all on his own. Loki couldn't do much about it now, except try to ignore Sif's attempt to get him to confess. He turned back to the Bifrost.

"Speaking of the Watchman, I have an overdue appointment with him, so you'll have to excuse me if I cut our chat short, Sif."

"Not at all. I wouldn't _dream_ of keeping you from it."

Back to her, he did his best not to cringe as he stepped onto the bridge and entered Heimdall's guard post. The man didn't show any surprise in seeing him. Was looking rather annoyed, actually, that he'd been kept waiting. Things had certainly been easier when everyone had feared and hated him. They didn't ask impertinent questions or make demands of him; they just tried to stay out of his way. _I wouldn't go back, though,_ he realized. _If offered a chance to turn back the clock and be who I was then, I wouldn't do it._ With that thought in mind, he took a seat and prepared for his next difficult conversation.

"So, Sif says you wanted to see me," he announced in a tone more confident than he really felt. "Well, I'm here."

"I did, and so you are. It took you long enough, Jotun."

"I had other things to see to. What now, Watchman?"

"Is that an invitation for me to ask the first question, then?"

"It's an invitation to tell me why you wanted to see me. I'm not interested in playing games anymore, Heimdall." The truth, oddly enough. He just wanted to get this over with. "If you have something to say to me, then say it. If you have something to ask me, then ask it."

Heimdall was taken aback at his directness. Slowly, he sank into the rough- hewn chair opposite Loki's. And for some time, neither of them said anything.

"All right. No more games," Heimdall said at last. "I need to talk to you about Lilith."

"I assumed as much. What about her?"

"The nightmares."

Of course, he should have guessed that the Watchman would be aware of them. The man kept as close an eye on her as if he were Lilith's own father. _Something I'll want to keep in mind for the future if by some miracle Lilith doesn't hate me._ In the present, it meant he could find out things that might help her. Not to mention him.

"I take it that you know about them," Heimdall added when Loki said nothing.

"I have ears, don't I? How could I not?"

"Point taken. Does she talk about them- to you, perhaps?"

"In a manner of speaking- she told 'Ilsa' not long ago."

"Your argument with Lilith a few weeks back about the gates wouldn't have anything to do with why 'Ilsa' came back, would it?"

"You said yourself last time we spoke- she wasn't going to talk to anyone in the palace. I took a chance that she'd confide in 'Ilsa' so I could at least try to help her that way. And for a while it worked…"

"Because you still haven't told her who the woman really is."

"Can you just leave that alone? I already heard this lecture from Thor not a half hour ago and don't want to get into it again. But yes, I know, and I'm going to tell her as soon as I can figure out how to do it."

He hoped Heimdall would leave it at that. At first, Loki didn't think he would be so lucky, but then the man's curious look faded into a grim frown. He nodded slowly.

"Aye, you don't need to hear what you already know. Time would be spent better if we got to what I'm less certain you're aware of."

"I agree. So what news do you have about Lilith's nightmares you think I should know?"

"I think they're producing gateways to another realm," the warrior stated bluntly. "When she opened the gates at Danethar's, it caused a disturbance in the atmosphere around her. I see a very similar thing happen when she's having the nightmares. Only I don't think Lilith has control over this portal, and it concerns me."

Loki's face fell. He'd hoped that Lilith's theory was wrong, but now Heimdall was confirming it. Which made his failure to discover a cure for the nightmares all that more upsetting. After days of research, still no closer to finding a spell that would inhibit the dreams without causing more damage to her mind. He didn't like feeling that he was letting her down. Not only that, but now he couldn't shake another distressing thought, sparking a question he was reluctant to ask. But Heimdall had the answer he needed now.

"These portals," he began carefully. "Does anyone pass through them?" Heimdall was puzzled for a moment, not quite catching why Loki would ask such a thing. He tried again. "Does Lilith leave Asgard- or does anyone come here from the other side?"

"I haven't seen anything like that, but it's hard to tell exactly what is happening. The gateway is more…nebulous than the ones she creates when she's awake. Why? Is it important?"

Not the answer Loki was hoping to hear. While not confirming his worst fears, it didn't exactly allay them, either. All the more frustrating, the warrior still hadn't caught on what it meant if the gateway was used in that way. So now he'd have to explain it, giving a terrible voice to things he didn't even want to contemplate in his head. Loki let a moment pass before he could answer.

"She's dreaming of all the things Danethar did to her. What I'm trying to understand from you is if it's all in her head…or if it's _real_." So help the inhabitants of this nightmare realm in the case of the latter. Meanwhile, Heimdall paled.

"You mean…"

"She told me- well, 'Ilsa'- that she is having trouble waking up from the dreams. Last night, she stayed awake all night because she's scared she won't wake up next time and will be trapped in her nightmares. I have to know if just her mind is ensnared in this, or if they found a way to hold her body ransom as well."

_And if they've taken what I accidentally gave back to her, which I'd hoped would be mine someday._ Loki tried to push that bitter thought aside. Until he knew for certain, best to keep hoping that they were dealing only with nightmares.

"I hadn't even considered that- are you sure it's even possible?"

"I don't know. I didn't have the time with Lilith to find out how the gates work- what could and couldn't be done- before Danethar nearly killed her. But I can't pretend that means it _can't_ work that way. I need to find out everything I can if I'm going to help her."

"You've devoted much thought to the problem already, it would seem."

"I've scoured every ancient text I could find for a way to block her dreams of that place. So far nothing useful has surfaced. You think you're worried, Heimdall? I'm terrified."

"Of what's lurking in that realm beyond the portal?"

_If only it were that simple._ Loki leaned forward and laced his fingers together. It distracted him for a few seconds so he didn't have to reply to the man's question. Not for long, though. He pulled them apart again before sitting back to look Heimdall in the eye.

"That I snatched Lilith away from one miserable existence only to deliver her into another. And that there truly is nothing I can do about this one. What good was it to get her away from that bastard if I can't stop him from torturing her every night in her dreams- which may or may _not _be just dreams? That's almost worse than how I found her a few months ago."

"You're trying. That counts for something."

"Perhaps, but not for much."

"Well, I can tell nothing I say is going to change your mind on that," he muttered irritably.

"So all the better not to keep at it."

"Fine then. Subject dropped."

"Was that it, then? Am I free to go?"

"Actually, was wondering about a peculiar incident in the training yard from a few days ago. I heard Lilith was there."

Heard, not saw. Loki picked up on the choice of words immediately and knew exactly who had relayed that story to him.

"From Sif, naturally."

"How'd you know?"

"I met her on the way in and she had plenty to say about _that_."

"Like what?" _ Does he seem nervous, _Loki wondered. "She told me orders were to keep that all under wraps. Get the feeling you had something to do with that, so I'm surprised she'd have said anything to you."

"It would seem she's noticed my…interest…in Lilith, and finally couldn't contain her curiosity. I thought I was keeping it a better secret than that. Apparently, not. It's only a matter of time before others take notice and start asking, too."

"I expect you're right."

Heimdall sat back in his chair again, the anxious look fading. Very curious reaction. Almost as if he'd been worried Sif might have said something else. Something he didn't want Loki to find out.

"You seemed worried a moment ago- is there more you thought Sif was going to say that she ought not to?"

"I told her to let the whole matter go and stay out of your business, but I guess she wasn't in the mood to heed my warning."

That really didn't answer the question, and both of them knew it. Even if he tried again, Loki was certain Heimdall would evade giving him a direct reply. Teaching Asgard's watchman to play his game was fast turning against him, it seemed. And since he could do nothing about it, nor did he have anything else to discuss with the man, it was time he left. Loki rose from his chair and headed to the doorway. Heimdall didn't move, but his eyes followed him the whole way. _Well, there's one last weapon I have to teach him a bit of a lesson. _With a crooked smile, he spared one last look at the warrior.

"She should have," he said mischievously. "She absolutely should have."

Heimdall tried to call him back into the guard post, but Loki kept walking. Let the man worry himself about what he might do next. In truth, he didn't intend to do anything about Sif. Not just yet. First he needed a plan and some time to think. Well, first he needed to see Lilith. Then he'd figure out what to do about Heimdall and his sister.

The garden was seen to- everything done that I'd planned to do for the day. Once again, no sign of Ilsa at all. Her absence was as much a loss on her part as it was mine, as I was pretty sure she would have been interested to hear about last night's turn of events regarding Loki. Definitely unexpected, as I replayed it in my mind. When I'd gone to the library instead of my own suite, I hadn't dreamed I'd run into him. I certainly hadn't intended to spend the whole night talking to him once I _did_ see him there. Far less likely to get myself into trouble if I just walked away and found somewhere else to pass the hours until dawn. But then he said I hated him, looking at me in that odd way again. Like he truly believed I did hate him. I found I couldn't maintain that lie any longer, hoping that I wouldn't be sorry in the end for telling the truth.

So now we were friends again, and I sure hoped I knew what I was doing. _Playing with fire, most likely, so I shouldn't wonder if one of these days I get burned by it._ In the interest of avoiding that eventuality, I needed to cure myself of any physical attraction to him. If I was going to be spending time with the God of Mischief, a secret like that wouldn't stay one for long. Loki was too smart not to catch wise to it, and how awkward would _that_ be? Very. Even worse than when we had been angry with one another, I was willing to bet.

Trouble was, I didn't know how to undo whatever I'd done to start noticing him in that way. Hence why I really could use Ilsa's help right now. Perhaps she would have some ideas how to get over something like this. She may never have taken a lover before, but maybe she'd had a crush on someone. Or knew friends who did. _Anything_ to help me deal with my problem would be welcome. A moot point; Ilsa wasn't here.

I rocked back on my heels and took stock of the garden. Not bad. By the end of summer, I might have it all ready. Then I'd bring Lord Gerrard back and stick his face in my success. Now what? The hours of the afternoon stretched long before me, so what did I want to do with them? I was exhausted. Not just from the physical work in the garden, but from the lack of sleep. And yet I felt no desire to return to my suite to rest. Even if I managed to relax enough to sleep, I knew it would be far from restful. I didn't want to read in the library, either. The summer days were getting shorter again, and soon autumn would bring colder weather. I should enjoy the good days while they lasted.

Birgitta had invited me to her home. I could try my luck there. But arriving today would be too soon. They needed time to think about what I'd said yesterday. And that left me with one option- Micharea. If I was already on a path to re-establishing connections and making amends, Lilith and Liam were next on my list. Just because the latter made me a little self-conscious, that didn't mean it was right to neglect them. With a sigh, I closed my eyes and established the link.

When I reopened them, the gateway stood before me. I noticed that the celebration from last time was over. It seemed now that I knew Micharea was a separate realm, it was starting to behave like one. Time passed of its own accord without help from me to move it along. I wondered how many days had gone by for Lilith and her pirate crew. And then she stepped in view of the portal, interrupting my thoughts.

"Lilith- you've come back!"

"Yeah, it's overdue, I know."

She pulled up a chair and sat down so we were at eye level to one another. Just as well, since if she hadn't, I'd have either had to stand up or crane my neck to look at her. At the same time, I couldn't help feeling some relief that Liam did not appear nearby. Maybe I could get through this visit without having to deal with that particular issue. But then I was immediately struck by the worry that something had happened to him. Lilith's right wrist was wrapped in a white bandage, and she looked rather worn out.

"What's happened," I queried nervously. "Are you okay?"

"Huh?"

"Your wrist."

"Oh, that." She glanced down at it absently and shrugged. "We were caught unexpectedly in a gale a few days ago. I was aloft on the mainmast at the time and got tangled in the rigging. Liam set the broken bone quick enough once I was brought below decks. I'm sure it was fine after he finished, but as you can imagine, he insisted I keep it bandaged for a while just to be sure. Doesn't trust his own abilities sometimes, but I doubt he'd admit it."

"Glad to hear it was nothing too serious," I replied automatically.

In truth, my mind was preoccupied with her offhand comment about Liam. I'd never thought much about his ability to heal wounds and injuries…by magic. Just like Loki. The coincidence was too close for comfort. I tried to recall how long the pirate had been using healing magic. Long before I had any reason to pay attention to Loki, I was certain. Definitely long before I even knew the God of Mischief had studied the art of healing. What if I'd been wrong and _he_ was Liam's double?

_Doesn't mean anything. Ilsa knows healing magic, too._ So which one was it? I realized belatedly that my pirate double had asked me a question.

"I'm sorry- what?"

"Did you hear news of Ilsa since the last time we saw you?"

"I did, actually."

"_Good_ news?"

"Yes, it is. She's fine." _Or at least she _was_ fine a few days ago. I hope that's still true._

"So why was she gone for so long with not even a word?"

"She thought after the trouble with Danethar that I wouldn't want to see her anymore, so that's why she kept away at first."

I was about to continue when I heard a door close somewhere beyond my range of sight, followed by boots creaking on the wooden floor. Getting closer. Couldn't be anyone else but Liam, and in a few short seconds I'd have to face what I'd been dreading for a while now. I held my breath and did my best not to let any apprehension show. Seemed to work when he pulled up a chair next to Lilith, flashing me a smile. Gods, it mirrored Loki's almost perfectly. I was sure mine trembled a little when I tried to return it.

"So what's this I hear- Ilsa's been found?"

"She has," I said after clearing my throat a few times.

"Then where is my fairer half? I still see you all by yourself in that garden. Which, by the way, is looking even better than the last one."

"Thanks. Ilsa's ben helping with that, actually. Sort of why we haven't dropped in on you two of late. Getting this organized has been a demanding task."

"Well, it's a good thing you didn't try contacting us a few days back. Did Lilith tell you about the storm we blew into?"

"Yeah," I replied, all the while trying to picture him as Ilsa rather than Loki.

Didn't work out as well as I'd hoped, especially since they both had raven hair and…blue…eyes. My brain stumbled and shuttered to a halt. Far better than the alternative- following that observation to its next logical conclusion. Just a coincidence, nothing more.

"Lilith? Is something wrong?"

_Yes._

"Not at all," I assured them aloud. Pretty certain Liam didn't believe me, but I kept going anyway. "So I hope the ship weathered the gale okay."

"We're moored up in Freeton, doing some minor repairs. Shame, really, because I was hoping to invite you aboard the next time you turned up. You _did_ promise to come for an adventure, you know."

"I did, didn't I?"

We talked for a long while. I spoke mostly of working in the garden and not at all about the nightmares or my complicated personal life. In return, Lilith and Liam told me of their adventures since the pirate's cave. To hear of them as a second hand account instead of having ridden along as a silent passenger was strange. I missed sailing off with them, but perhaps this was for the best. Rather than stealing moments out of their lives, I was being invited in as a friend. Catching up, as normal people did with their friends. Then suddenly mid-sentence, Liam stopped talking to look over my shoulder.

"What?" I asked, though I didn't want to.

"Did Ilsa forget to mention that she had a twin brother?"

_No, oh no _please_ no. _

I sincerely wished that she had, but I knew who was standing behind me. My pulse sped dizzily and my mouth went dry. I had no words to explain the situation to anyone- least of all myself. They froze the moment I tried to speak, as if silence would save me from the truth I'd only just begun to suspect. Liam stood and moved closer to the portal; I scrambled to my feet as well, stumbling backwards. A sixth sense prickled along the back of my neck, warning me that if I took one more step, I'd collide with the newest arrival to our conversation. In an effort to avoid that outcome, I nearly tripped over my own feet. Sheer luck kept me upright.

"Lilith?" That would be Loki's voice behind me- just as close as I had feared. "Are you okay"

_No._

"Yes. Fine. Great."

Both Lilith and Liam gave me a dubious look. I was damn sure Loki's was downright skeptical. Just like I was sure I didn't want to turn around to see it for myself.

"If you were hoping that I would be convinced by that, you were underestimating how quickly I'd see through it."

My shoulders slumped in defeat.

"Lilith- you never answered the question," Liam prodded none too gently. "Who _is_ that? Is he related to Ilsa?"

A somewhat hysterical laugh bubbled up from inside me, perversely amused by how I'd willfully ignored the obvious. How could I not have realized sooner? Very slowly and deliberately, I pivoted on the balls of my toes and faced the God of Mischief at last. There he stood, looking back at me with about as much dread as I felt. As well he should.

"There never was an 'Ilsa', was there," I whispered hoarsely. "It was you all along, wasn't it?"

"Lilith, I can explain…"

Images of scenes flashed before my eyes. All the moments 'Ilsa' had witnessed in Danethar's home- the secrets she knew that no one else did. The things I'd said to her and what she'd said back to me. _Oh gods, he's seen me naked_, I realized in horror, pressing trembling hands to my face to cover the crimson flush in my cheeks. _He's seen too much._

"I…" the words stuck and wouldn't budge. "Excuse me. I have to go."

This time, I did run. Ran as fast as I possibly could down the path and as far as I could get. All the while, I burned with embarrassment. Of course I'd always known that 'Ilsa' was a cover identity for someone else, but never had I suspected in my wildest thoughts that Ilsa hadn't been a woman. I should have seen the similarities right from the beginning, then maybe…it didn't matter. I hadn't noticed. How could I go back to the palace now with him there? I had to escape- go someplace I wouldn't have to face Loki again.

Awkward silence blanketed the garden, weighing heavily on Loki in particular. When he'd come down the pathway, he'd rounded the corner too late to realize that Lilith had been talking with her friends in Micharea and not some random visitor. He never intended to show himself to them until after he'd explained to her about his relationship with 'Ilsa'. But once Liam had spotted him, that chance was gone. Utterly gone. He'd been right, too. When Lilith turned around, he knew instantly that she'd pieced it together. Loki had expected her to be angry; her true reaction had been far worse.

"Is anyone going to explain what just happened?"

His attention turned back to the portal to Micharea- which hadn't closed when Lilith fled. That left him to answer Liam's question, he supposed. Loki didn't know where to start.

"I'm not sure how," he admitted.

"Perhaps with a name," Lilith's double suggested.

"Loki Laufeyson. Prince of Asgard."

Raised eyebrows at the title 'prince', but the surprise didn't last long. The pirate woman was quick to forge ahead with her questions.

"And was Lilith right? About Ilsa?"

"Obviously she was," Liam retorted with a scowl. "You saw just as well as I did the look on his face when she said it."

"I know, but I still wanted to ask…"

"It's true," he interrupted the couple's budding argument. "I have a talent for shapeshifting. Adopting the guise of 'Ilsa' was no more difficult than changing clothes."

"To Lilith, she was a friend," the pirate woman said accusingly. Loki resisted the urge to cringe at the rebuke, as it might as well have come from Lilith herself. "Was it a trick, then?"

"It's a long story," he offered in a weary tone.

"We're here. And you're here. I want to hear it."

Loki's eyes darted down the path where Lilith had gone. The longer he delayed here, the further ahead she would get, and he needed to fix this quickly. They'd only just reconnected last night. If she got the impression he'd done all this to make fun of her before he could explain, all hope of that bond lasting would be lost.

"But she needs to hear it first," he said, making a move to leave. "I'd think you would agree."

"Prove that you don't intend her any harm," Liam demanded. "Prove it or so help me we'll send our whole crew into your realm."

He should have known the man would be so fiercely protective. They were the same deep down, and Loki would have done the same in his place. Which gave him an idea how to resolve their worries about his intentions. He approached the gateway and held out his hand.

"If we are who I think we are, one touch and you'll know exactly what I intend. Everything you want to know. How badly do you want it?"

Liam stared at the hand for several seconds before siding a look at his lady.

"Do you regret having done this, my love? If you could take back the decision to find out the life you lead in that world, would you?"

"I would have chosen a time when I could have bene more prepared, but no, I wouldn't take it back."

Liam turned back to him, jaw set in a grimly determined line. Unblinking, he lifted his own hand and thrust it through the gate. Before either of them could change their minds, Loki clasped Liam's wrist. As Lilith had warned him so many weeks ago, the connection was as intense as it was instantaneous. A lifetime flowed back and forth between them- two lifetimes, actually. As his passed over to Liam, a whole new set of memories and experiences crashed into his mind. Not all of them were as virtuous as he'd expected. They truly were the same under the skin. This pirate lord's past held nearly as many secrets and dark days as Loki's- most of which he kept from his Lady, and for much the same reasons.

When it finished, they broke contact and measured each other warily for a minute or longer. Lilith remained silent, letting them sort out their thoughts. At last, Loki felt steady enough to speak.

"Does that satisfy you?"

"More than I expected," Liam replied with a slight cough. "Go on, then. I wish you luck in untangling the knot you've tied yourself in with Lilith."

Loki nodded, unable to reply. He set himself on the path to leave when the pirate woman spoke up.

"Um…what about the gate?"

_Damn…what _about _the gate? I can't just leave it here unguarded._

"I honestly don't know."

"All the more reason we should let him go find Lilith, my love. She's the only one who can close it."

The woman's expression turned thoughtful.

"Maybe not."

"What?"

"She's me, right? That means I'm her, too. I could at least try."

He exchanged a glance with Liam, who had the same concern that Loki felt when hearing her theory. Neither of them were sure whether it would be better if she couldn't work the gates on her own- or if she _could_. But neither of them dared say it, either. Meanwhile, the woman stepped closer to the gate and closed her eyes. Her eyebrows drew together in concentration. Several minutes ticked by with no change. Loki was about to sigh in relief when the shimmering wafer of that shared plane flickered and went out.

_Did she really do it, or was that _my _Lilith,_ he asked absently. Didn't really matter. The gate was closed and he had somewhere to be. _If only I had any idea where to start looking._


	32. Chapter 31: Where Complex meets Awkward

My lungs were burning and I realized I couldn't keep running any longer. The garden was well behind me, anyway. And since I didn't hear Loki running after me, it was likely safe to bet that he wasn't going to. My feet skidded to a stop as I reached a main cross-roads into the city. Lots of people were milling about, going about their daily errands and living their ordinary lives. In this moment, I envied them that. This recent bout of living in the limelight wasn't quite as fun as I would have hoped it to be.

A few people were looking at me, having seen my headlong dash from the palace grounds. I did my best to pretend I had no idea why they'd find anything strange about that, smoothing tangled hair back into place. I started walking, no direction in mind- just to keep moving. I had to think about what I was going to do. _What I really _should _do is go back to the garden and demand some answers from the God of Mischief._ Easy to tell myself that; much harder to convince myself to do it. The initial rush of embarrassment was starting to fade, but that didn't mean I was eager for another round. At least not until I figured out how I'd deal with this. I needed to be alone to think.

_Perhaps if I got away from the city for a while…_ I thought hopefully, spotting the main stable of Asgard just down the street. _I could go for a ride this afternoon._

My mind made up, I quickened my pace to enter the large building. Inside, the smell of rough-hewn timber and horses filled my nose. How long it had been since I was here last, I couldn't say. I hadn't ventured anyplace so public while married to Danethar, too afraid someone might notice what I'd been trying to keep secret. So at least four months. As I looked around me, not much had changed in that time. Young boys and girls scurried to and fro, arms laden with saddles or flakes of hay. Older grooms were handling the horses for their waiting riders. I went in search of someone who didn't look too busy to inquire after a horse of my own. Didn't get far before a voice startled me from behind.

"My Lady, please allow me to be of assistance to you in our establishment."

_Well, perhaps Danethar wasn't the _only_ reason I've avoided this place,_ I reminded myself with an inward groan. Somehow, I'd forgotten about Hearde, the insufferable stooge who ran the stables. For the upper echelon in Asgard's nobility, he was a favorite; I found him nauseating. Likely because I had no use for his obsequious mannerisms and cloying attention. To me, he always sounded like an ass-licking twerp who grated on my nerves. But if I wanted a horse I had to play nice with him, so I pasted a smile on my face before turning around. Hearde would hardly know the difference if it wasn't genuine.

"Hello, Hearde. I hope you have a few mounts available for the day, as I was thinking to take a ride."

"Of course, of course. We _always_ reserve a few for walk-in requests. Our preparedness is why the palace entrusts us with their most crucial needs. Why just a few weeks ago, we leant two out to the Princes for an emergency journey to Jotunheim."

"Jotunheim," I murmured, trying to recall where I'd heard it mentioned recently. "I didn't think anyone was allowed to enter the realm until year's end."

"Well, this was a special circumstance, as you know."

I didn't, actually. Well, perhaps I did, but couldn't remember the details. Hearde saw my confusion and frowned.

"But, surely you heard about the whole affair, didn't you? Everyone in the city has been abuzz for weeks, my Lady. I'm shocked to hear you've heard nothing of it."

"Sorry, I haven't any idea what you're talking about. What happened?"

The man leaned forward with a furtive look, while I resisted the urge to back away.

"I'm sure you've heard the stories about what that wretch, Danethar, did to his wife. Well, he must have known he would be in trouble for it afterwards, and thought he could take refuge in the giants' city. But that's where they found him in the end. Gone a whole day and then some to do it. Must have been a hard ride, but I'm proud to say we supplied the Princes with superior animals to accomplish their task among the Jotuns."

_That's where I heard talk of Jotunheim before,_ I thought. _Maddie mentioned it briefly when I spoke with her in the infirmary. _But she'd conveniently avoided mentioning _who _had gone to that realm to fetch him. Something about the omission struck me odd, but I couldn't quite place why. In any case, a second thought hit me soon after that. One almost as important, and quite possibly more helpful if handled the right way.

_He doesn't know who I am,_ I realized. If he did, he never would have said anything to my face about Danethar. No one had said a word about him since I returned to the palace. But for whatever reason, Hearde didn't recognize me. I supposed I didn't look like a highborn lady as he might have expected from 'Lady Lilith' of the imperial palace. So much the better for me that he was so easily fooled. This was my opportunity to learn something; I took it.

"I confess that I am surprised the Allfather allowed both of them to go."

"I get your meaning, Lady. Trusting the Jotun to go into that realm is risky business, but from what I saw on their return, the Allfather had good reason to send _him_ after the scoundrel."

"Oh? What's that?"

The man leaned in even closer.

"When they came back here to return the horses, he had that miserable excuse for an Asgardian warrior tied to the saddle- looked as though he'd dragged him the whole way. Never saw anything like it in my life."

"And you say that wasn't Thor, but…"

"You might assume it would be, but Odinson's only part in the venture was to ensure Laufeyson kept Danethar alive long enough for the hearing with the Allfather." Hearde took my silence for encouragement to go on. "I wasn't fortunate enough to be invited to that audience, but I know plenty who were. They say it was quite the spectacle."

"Must not have been too exciting, since I've heard nothing of it," I commented drily. Not quite the truth, since Maddie had also mentioned Danethar's subsequent trial before the Allfather. But I was curious to hear what Hearde would have to say that she had not. As predicted, the man was thoroughly scandalized that I knew nothing about the audience.

"Truly, I know not how you could have been overlooked in hearing about the trial, but I'll be most happy to provide you with what details I can. I heard from several ladies who patronize this establishment that the Jotun threw Danethar down before the Allfather, and when the latter dared speak out about his treatment, he used brutal force to silence him. The Allfather didn't chastise him for it, either."

"And what did the ladies say of it," I asked to cover my shock at his story.

"From the way they spoke, I get the feeling they would have been glad to have seen more, if the Allfather hadn't been keen to press on with the sentencing. Quite unsettling, actually, to hear the tone in their voices when they spoke of what they hoped happened to that wretch."

"I suppose it's possible for bloodlust to affect each of us, given the right circumstances. But surely that desire was satisfied when they witnessed his execution."

"I'm afraid their imaginations will have to be enough on that score, as it was not open to the public. I'm not sure that anyone would have truly wanted it to be, once the Allfather turned Danethar over to Laufeyson."

"Turned him over to…"

"That's right, Lady. He requested to carry out the sentence, and the Allfather actually _granted_ it. Can you imagine? Not that Danethar didn't deserve it, but I shudder to think of the fate the Jotun planned for him."

Loki had executed Danethar. But why? Why had the Allfather chosen to include him in the search for- and execution of- my former husband? I suspected it had something to do with whatever reason Loki had for pretending to be 'Ilsa' all this time. Not that it helped any; I didn't know why he'd been doing that, either. My conversation with Hearde hadn't provided me with enough answers, and had only made the puzzle even larger. All the more reason I should get out of here to have time to think about it. I backed away from the stable manager.

"All very fascinating, Hearde, but little enough to do with me, I'm afraid." _Liar_. "I should be on my way before the afternoon gets much later."

"Naturally. Forgive me for keeping you from your plans," he groveled meekly. "I'll see to having a horse brought for you. How long will you expect to be gone?"

"I'll be visiting a cousin in Allin," I said, naming a small town a good half-day ride away. "And likely won't return for a day or two."

"Very good. I'll see to the arrangements."

Hearde scurried away, leaving me waiting conspicuously in the corridor. As I waited for the promised horse to appear, I thought of the lies I'd just told. When had I started doing that so easily? Before living with Danethar, I rarely lied about anything, and even during, mostly I'd only done it to hide the reality of what he was doing to me. But this…I had no real reason to lie to Hearde. I could have easily told him the truth and it would have made no difference. So why hadn't I?

No time to contemplate that; a groom was leading a dapple-grey mare to me. She appeared to be in good spirits, ears pricked forward and a spring in her step. I was glad not to have gotten one of the less lively mounts usually reserved for novice or timid riders, in no mood to spend the day prodding the horse at every turn to get moving.

"Here we are, miss," the boy said as he handed me the reins. "Her name's Isabel and she's all yours for as long as you need her. The pack on the saddle is filled with grains and supplies in case you need them on the journey."

"My thanks," I replied with a smile. "I'll be sure to bring her back safe and sound."

"Yes, miss." He bowed and departed, off to begin his next task.

I tugged gently on the reins and Isabel followed me out of the stable. Once out in the courtyard, I checked the girth, adjusted the stirrups and hoisted myself aboard. Thank the gods I'd not been wearing a dress, or I might have had to ride side-saddle. Other ladies might have learned the trick of it, but I always felt I was going to topple off backwards. Riding astride was much more comfortable. I gave the horse an encouraging squeeze on her flanks and we trotted off to the city gates. With any luck, I'd be clear of Asgard in no time.

"What do you mean Lilith's _gone_," Thor demanded when Sif finished. "She was just here this morning. She can't be _gone_."

"I'm telling you, Heimdall saw her ride away from the city less than ten minutes ago. Her horse took off at a dead run once she was clear of the gates."

"But _why_?"

"How the Hel should I know?"

"Didn't Heimdall give any clues about what precipitated her to take such action?"

"No. He told me she'd gone and said I'd better find you or your brother right away."

Thor ran a hand through his hair, trying to get a handle on the situation. What in the Hel was he supposed to do? Lilith wasn't forbidden to leave the city, so he couldn't dispatch a troupe of warriors to bring her back. As for Loki, he was pretty sure he knew where to find him, but getting all the way to the library from the barracks would take time. Time he wasn't sure they had. Not to mention that he did _not_ look forward to telling his brother that Lilith fled the city- no matter the reason why.

"All right, Sif, thanks for the report. I'll sort out what to do about it."

And Thor was about to do just that when he spotted Loki crossing the yard. His mood was far less cheerful than it had been this morning, teetering on the edge of furious and worried at the same time. _Well, looks like I won't be surprising him with anything he doesn't already know_, he said to himself. Sif waited next to him as Loki approached.

"You'd better go. He looks riled, and I wouldn't want you to take the brunt of it."

"Are you kidding? I'm not going anywhere, Thor. I want to see what he'll do. Especially after our conversation this morning."

"Conversation about _what?_ What did you say to him, Sif?"

She only smiled. Thor couldn't repeat his question, since Loki had already arrived, so he shot her a dark glare that promised they'd finish this later. Hardly worried about it, she looked as amused as before. He turned his attention back to his brother.

"So I guess you've heard," he said. "I suppose you have a plan?"

"A plan about what? What are you talking about?"

"About Lilith, of course. She up and took a horse from the stables, rode out of Asgard minutes ago from what Heimdall says. Sif was just telling me about it." He heard Loki swear under his breath. "You didn't know, did you?"

"She left the garden in a hurry- but I didn't think she'd go beyond the gates."

"Do you at least know why she'd try to leave so suddenly?"

"She knows who 'Ilsa' is," Loki answered simply. "She had the gate to Micharea open when I came to see her. Only took a minute for her to put the pieces together. You can imagine, she did not react well once she did."

"So what now?"

"What do you think? I'm going after her."

Thor darted a look to Sif, surprised that Loki would be so blunt in front of someone else. The female warrior seemed less surprised. He had a good idea now what she'd already discussed with his brother during their 'conversation'. Heimdall had told him she'd been pestering him with questions about Loki and Lilith; she must have finally worked up the nerve to ask Loki about it herself. His brother must not have been able to escape giving her an honest answer. All that didn't change the fact that he felt it his duty to warn Loki against doing something too rash.

"Are you sure that's wise? Father let you out of Asgard to deal with Danethar, but I'm not sure he'll be so understanding a second time."

"If you're so worried about Odin, then you go tell him. I don't have time to seek his permission if I've any chance at catching up with her."

With that, he was already turning on his heel towards the main stables. _Nothing I say is going to stop him, either_, Thor thought sourly. And Sif wasn't helping, either. She called out loudly to Loki's retreating back.

"South gate, Jotun! You'd better bring her back, too!"

He elbowed her in the side.

"Why are you encouraging him to do something so reckless?"

"Because he loves her and she loves him and I want to see what happens when they both figure that out."

Thor thought perhaps he'd misheard her for a moment. "Say that again?"

"What? I thought you of all of us knew how Loki felt about Lilith a long time ago."

"Not that part- the other thing you said. About Lilith."

"That she's in love with your brother?"

"Yes. That. How do you know that?"

Sif rolled her eyes at him.

"Must be something defective about your whole gender. Don't you have eyes? Even the densest person could have seen the way Lilith kept looking at him the other day in the training yard."

"I didn't even notice she looked at him at all."

"Because you weren't paying attention, I'll bet. Too busy watching the matches- which you could have seen _any_ day. But observing Lilith isn't quite so common an opportunity. You should have taken the chance when you got one."

Apparently, he should have. Maybe if he'd noticed, he could have been of more use to Loki, since he was damned sure his brother hadn't noticed, either. Then again, he couldn't be sure that Sif wasn't seeing things that weren't really there. Better not to give Loki false hope. _She could tell that Loki was interested in Lilith, though_, he reminded himself.

"Why are you telling me this," he asked irritably. "You said you spoke with my brother this morning. Why didn't you just tell him?"

"Because I got my ass kicked by Lilith once and that's when she _wasn't_ angry. I have no interest in finding out what she'd be capable of if I told her secret to Loki without her permission. And I can tell you right now, if I ask her for it, she won't admit to liking him in the first place, much less tell me I can go blab it to him."

"So I shouldn't tell him, either."

"Oh _Hel_ no."

"Then I repeat my question -why in the name of the Allfather did you tell me?"

"Because you asked why I was helping him," she answered simply before grinning at him wickedly. "Plus, misery loves company, and I figured if I couldn't say anything, I'd share that frustration with someone else."

"What a rotten thing to do to a person. You're mean, Sif."

"Took your mind off what to do about Loki riding out of Asgard, didn't it?"

It had. Only now that she mentioned it, that worry had returned. He had to do something- tell someone. But he didn't want to unnecessarily alarm Odin and _cause_ the trouble he was trying to avoid. The way he saw it, unless Heimdall informed his father that Loki left the city, he likely wouldn't notice. Or at least so long as his brother returned before dinner. _I'll let this go until then. If he's not back at nightfall, I'll broach the situation with the Allfather. Loki, you damn well better return before I have to give that report._

"Yeah," he answered Sif at last. "Now what's say we find something else to keep us both distracted for the rest of the afternoon? And not a damned word of this- any of this to anyone."

"You sound just as bad as Heimdall."

"I'm serious, Sif."

"Okay, okay. Not a word." She clapped him on the shoulder. "Let's go see what trouble we can scare up while we wait for him to bring Lilith back."

Loki arrived in the stables in no mood to deal with its proprietor or his incessant chatter. Hearde seemed not to notice, preoccupied with _his_ ideas of what he should be doing to pay attention to Loki's questions. He ground his molars and repeated himself for the third time.

"The Lady Lilith, Hearde. Did she come to this stable and request a horse?"

Finally, it dawned on the man that he was looking for very specific information, not his life story for the day. Hearde paused, thinking, then shook his head.

"I'm afraid I don't recall seeing her. The only Lady who came in requesting a mount was a Lady…well, I guess I didn't get her name, but she was hardly dressed as if she'd come from the palace. I imagine she came from the warrior's quarter, judging by the clothes. You know how those types are. Always favoring long pants and the like over gowns."

_Oh for the love of…is the man truly that dense?_

"Did this one have blue eyes and auburn hair," he demanded quickly. "It would have been braided."

"Why, yes, I think her features may have resembled the ones you describe."

He thought he might strangle the man for his stupidity. For someone so concerned about his position and the caliber nobles who patronized the stable, Hearde was incredibly short-sighted. How could he not have dismissed someone because their clothes didn't fit his own expectations? Inexcusable. And since he hadn't, Lilith had been able to slip the city without anyone noticing. If not for Heimdall's vigilance, they wouldn't even know she'd gone. Loki's temper flared when the thought about how narrow his margin of luck in finding her truly was.

"That _was_ Lady Lilith."

"Gods of the Allfather," the man exclaimed. "I had no idea. She must have thought me very rude not to recognize her." _Probably was grateful, _Loki thought darkly. _It would have spared her more of your fawning idiocy._ Hearde, meanwhile, continued with his concerns. "And to think, she didn't even say anything when I mentioned…"

"Mentioned _what?_"

Gone was Hearde's accommodating, cloying demeanor. Now he looked as though he might be ill. That or piss himself in fear. Loki dreaded to hear what he'd mentioned to Lilith, but better to find out now than to be surprised by it later.

"Hearde," he repeated in a deadly whisper. "What did you say to the Lady?"

"I swear, my Prince, I didn't know it was her when I said you and your brother had gone to Jotunheim to fetch Danethar. She didn't let on, and seemed interested in the subject. Did find it odd she hadn't heard- everyone has. I thought perhaps she'd been out of the city at the time. But even if she had, I thought at least she would have heard about the scoundrel's final audience with the Allfather."

"You didn't," Loki interrupted him, heart sinking to the pit of his stomach. "Don't tell me you told her about that."

"I'm afraid I did. But then the Lady quickly changed the subject and wanted to be on her way."

"I'll deal with you about this later," he threatened. "But for right now, tell me anything the Lady might have said about where she was going. Make no mistake- your life may depend on what you can relate. And get me a damned horse while you're at it. A _fast_ one."

The man let loose a constant stream of information, recalling any and everything he could remember of the exchange. In the meantime, he ordered the grooms to saddle a horse for Loki. By the time he'd finished, they'd brought it around. Hearde assured him it was the swiftest in the whole stable.

"It better be," he muttered, snatching the reins.

They left the stables and he swung aboard. He cared little for the pedestrians and crowded streets, taking off as fast as he dared over the cobblestones in the direction Hearde said Lilith had gone. It was consistent with what Sif had shouted to him, about Heimdall having seen her leave out of the South gate. She had a good twenty minutes' head start, but he could catch her if he hurried. Hooves clattered on stone and passersby barely managed to duck out of his way. Loki paid no attention to their irate shouts. It paid off; he arrived at the gate in minutes.

Arrived and raced past it without even stopping, more like. Loki was through and gone before either of the guards standing watch could try to stop him. Thor could deal with that, too. He didn't have time to argue with them about whether or not he was allowed out of the city. And reminded of that fact, he urged his horse to pick up speed. Stone had given way to a wide lane of carefully maintained loam. The stallion broke into a full gallop. Loki road low on its back, keeping an eye out for signs that Lilith might be up ahead.

Fortunate for him, this road didn't branch off for at least twenty miles. The mare Lilith was riding wouldn't get that far before needing a rest, and that's if she was pushing the horse to its limits. Thor hadn't been that specific about the speed of her flight from the city. _Probably should have asked before I left_. Would just have to hope that even if she had started off at full speed, it was only temporary. Really hoped. Regardless, unless she left the road for the open country, he couldn't miss her. Sure enough, they'd only gone about five miles when he saw a lone rider ahead. He charged forward before reining in his horse just as they pulled up beside her.

"Well, I'd ask if you had any idea how much trouble you'd be in for leaving Asgard," Lilith said with a slight cough as the dust settled. "But I'm pretty sure you don't care."

"I told Thor that was his problem. I figured I had more important things to worry about."

"I'll say. Like explaining what in the Hel made you think you could just drop into my life pretending to be someone else- a woman, I might add. Just what did you think you were doing? And now that I'm back in the palace, not only do you _not_ own up to it- which I would have expected someone who said they were my _friend_ to have done- but you kept up the charade. Gods, no _wonder_ no one was willing to tell me what happened to 'Ilsa'."

There was the anger he'd been expecting to hear the whole time. Even the horses picked up on the fury in her tone, their ears twitching nervously. _That's okay, _Loki told himself in spite of cringing at the emphasis Lilith had put on the word 'friend'. _Anger is good._ Anger he could work with; that crushed, horrified look she'd given him in the garden wouldn't have been so easy.

"I understand you're upset- and you have every right to be. My explanation likely won't change that, either, but will you give me the opportunity to make one?"

Lilith regarded him through narrowed eyes and said nothing at first. In the silence, he could feel his horse's heavy breathing from their reckless dash across Asgard. She must have noticed, too. Gathering her reins, she looked left and right of the road. He didn't ask what she was doing as she maneuvered her mount around his. With a nod, she pointed out a copse of young birch trees in a grassy meadow.

"Over there. Might as well let the horses rest while you do it, because I have a feeling it'll take a while."

They dismounted and removed their bridles and saddles. Loki used a thimbleful of his power to create a barrier to let the horses graze without allowing them to roam too far. Lilith sat cross-legged under the trees and waited. Loki joined her, though somewhat more awkwardly. He wasn't sure if it had to do with the uneven ground or having to look her directly in the eyes. Likely a bit of both.

"First question," she began in a tone that only added to his nervousness. "That first day 'Ilsa' turned up again in the palace gardens. I asked why she'd come to Danethar's home. How much of what you told me then was true?"

Loki was surprised at her choice for opening the discussion. Surprised and somewhat worried, but he couldn't back out of this now.

"Most of it- the parts that were important, anyway. You asked for an honest answer, and I gave one as best as I could."

"And what _didn't_ you tell me about why you were there?" From a very easy question to something far more difficult. "I wasn't stupid, you know. I knew I hadn't heard everything."

She was going to like hearing that part about as much as he liked telling it. Then again, Loki had come all this way with no illusions he was going to enjoy anything about this conversation. He folded his hands in his lap and prayed for the courage to get through this. Just tell her the bare facts and let Lilith judge what to make of them.

"I went there for Danethar. It's true what I said before. I felt the Allfather had unduly rewarded him for the battle against the Dark Elves. What I couldn't say then was that I had a plan to rob him of what he'd been given if I could. Everything that mattered to him. His house, his fine possessions…his wife." Lilith's eyebrows rose considerably, but she said nothing and Loki continued on. "Only I got there and realized very quickly something very wrong was going on in that house, and that I would have to abandon any plans I'd made."

"I suppose you couldn't steal what he didn't want, could you," she supplied with a deprecating laugh. "And yet you stayed, anyway."

"As you've said a few times, I don't give up so easily when I want something. And I wanted Danethar destroyed. So I changed tactics. The new plan was to destroy his reputation in Asgard and see him publicly humiliated. The Allfather would take back his title, possessions and any honors given him once he found out what Danethar was truly like." _So I'd thought, anyway, _he added silently to himself. Aloud, he merely said, "To do that, I needed a reason to stick close to the house, so I kept the disguise as 'Ilsa'."

Lilith's expression gave him no indication what she thought of his confession. To his own ears, it sounded bad. To hers, Loki could only guess it was ten times worse. Then she spoke.

"So I was a chess piece on a playing board. A strategic weapon you could use against him."

"It started out that way," Loki admitted, trying to avoid the painful accusation in her eyes. "I've played similar games before, and I thought at first that I wouldn't have any trouble doing it again. I was so very, very wrong, Lilith. From your perspective, I know this likely sounds lacking in any merit, but I honestly didn't know what to do. I've never been the one who does the 'right thing', and it took me longer than I'd like to admit to figure out what the 'right thing' even was. My first few tries certainly didn't work out so well- especially not for you."

Lilith said nothing, still no discernable expression on her face.

"I won't ask you to forgive me, Lilith. But if it means anything to you, 'Ilsa' was your friend. As much as I was capable of being anyone's friend in those days. I'd like to hope that since then I've gotten better at it, even if you no longer consider me among yours."

Silence stretched between them. Loki didn't know what- if anything- else he should say to her. He could only wait in agony as she considered his explanation, and what she would do about it. When ten or fifteen minutes passed with no response, Loki almost considered going back to Asgard. Obviously, Lilith was not happy with him for his misdemeanors. Perhaps the best thing to do would be to leave her alone. Before he could make himself move, she asked him another question.

"Were you ever planning to tell me 'Ilsa' was really you? Or were you hoping to keep up that double life ad infinitum?"

"I always meant to tell you. I could never find the right words or the right time. However it began, you're the first friend I ever made, and I was reluctant to say anything to ruin it. You can see how I'd think this particular truth would do just that. So I kept putting it off- even when I knew it was only getting harder."

Lilith furrowed her brow, as if concentrating on something.

"What are you thinking, Lilith," he dared ask.

"I was just realizing that you almost _did_ tell me at least twice before. Maybe not in so many words, but I remember that time in Karin's shop. 'Ilsa' gave me a look and I almost recalled where I'd seen it before, but then she came back and it slipped away from me."

"I remember that, too. I thought for sure I was caught that day."

"And then during our argument about the gates," Lilith continued slowly. "You said you saw them 'weeks ago' and that they didn't interest you 'anymore'. I was too angry at the time to realize what you'd said or what it meant. Didn't dawn on me until just now, actually."

It hadn't dawned on him, either. Loki barely remembered having said any of that, but in the heat of that argument, he hadn't really been in control of much of anything he'd shouted at her. He couldn't decide if he was relieved or sorry that neither of them paid attention to his oversight in the weeks since.

"You were telling the truth then, weren't you? Initially, you _did_ want to use my gates to leave Asgard."

"I believed I did. I told myself I did often enough that's why I was spending more time with you than I really needed to if all I wanted to do was destroy Danethar."

"But at some point that stopped being true."

"Yes, it did."

Loki held his breath, waiting for her to ask the next logical question. Naturally, he knew she would want to know what made him change his mind, and he would have to tell her. Would she believe him when he finally admitted to her how he felt? Of the possible outcomes he could imagine, that could possibly be the worst. Gods, he'd never been so terrified in his life- except perhaps when he thought Danethar had taken her from him forever.

"I gather all of this has not been comfortable for you," she said, abruptly changing the course of their conversation.

Loki wasn't sure he was glad of the reprieve, almost wishing that she'd forced him to make an end of all his secret keeping. But he couldn't make himself shift the topic back to what still remained unsaid. _One of these days I swear I'll overcome my cowardice and tell her._ Not today, it would seem.

"No, it hasn't been."

"Good," Lilith answered with a slight nod. "Because you're not the only one. At least now we're on even ground."

"Even…ground?"

"Do you, or do you not, want to remain friends?"

"Do. Absolutely do," he replied quickly, even though he was thoroughly perplexed at where she was going with this.

"We're going to need some ground rules, then, or it's not going to work. We'll start with the biggest. Ilsa' saw and heard things that I need you to pretend you don't know." He was about to say something when she held up her hand. "I mean it. Just pretend all that never happened."

"You do realize that pretending won't change the fact that I _do_ know. I might have called myself by a different name, but it was still me."

"But at least then you were…" she hesitated.

"Were what?"

"Female," she mumbled reluctantly. "Having 'Ilsa' present for all that with Danethar was embarrassing enough, but at least I thought she was a woman. I could deal with it. But then to find out…" Lilith covered her face with her hands. "Just thinking about what you saw…I'm mortified. That first day. I…there in my room…and you were standing _right there._"

Lilith did look thoroughly distraught, mirroring of how she'd looked in the garden an hour or so ago. Now Loki knew what had been going through her mind, and why she'd fled so quickly. He'd been so focused on how Lilith would react to the lie itself that he hadn't considered the complications of a gender issue. And while he didn't think her solution to the problem was going to work, he wanted to do something to make this less distressing for her.

"Lilith, please try to understand. It makes no difference regarding what I saw in that house, or how I reacted."

"You saw me _naked!_" she shouted loud enough to startle the horses. Startled him, too, point of fact.

"Okay, yes, I did, but…"

"Not in the 'how dare you walk into my bathroom uninvited' kind of way…well, I suppose that way, too, if I want to be technical. But that's not the way I mean. You saw me- what I looked like- after he…" Lilith sucked in a breath to cut off what she couldn't bring herself to say. Loki couldn't respond, finding no words to ease the pain of those memories. She shook her head at him and covered her eyes. "Please…I can't endure that look. That look that says 'I know how badly he hurt you'. Not now when everything is so…recent."

"I _do _know. Just like I know you're not doing as well as you pretend in front of everyone else. Pretending nothing is wrong isn't going to fix it, Lilith."

"You talk as though fixing what's wrong with me _is_ possible. What if it's not? Because you're right- I'm putting on an act for everyone. In reality, I'm forever a half-step away from drowning in how much I'm _not _okay, waiting for that one final thing that will drag me under entirely. I've had weeks to think on it, and lately, I'm starting to think that feeling is never going away."

Okay, that went one step too far. Loki's intention had been to encourage Lilith to think beyond the temptation to cover things up, not push her into giving up altogether. He tried again.

"It's not that hopeless. Don't write off an entire lifetime because you haven't been encouraged by the past month. Give it time."

Lilith sighed as she drew her hands away from her face and leaned back against the trunk of a birch tree, staring up at the rustling leaves. For several minutes, that's all she did.

"This is another one of those times when you're going to be stubborn about getting your way, isn't it?"

"If I say yes, will I win the debate?"

"More than likely."

"Then yes, it is."

I said nothing, taking a moment to let the late afternoon breeze carry with it all the fragrances of summer. Rays of sunlight pierced the canopy above me, bouncing among the leaves like bright ribbons. By degrees, I tried to find a way back to a calmer frame of mind. Might just make it there if I stared at them long enough. This wasn't at all how I'd planned the day to go. Never had I thought Loki would follow me beyond the city gates- especially when he hadn't caught up to me by the time I'd found the stables. So naturally, when his horse pulled up beside mine, I hadn't been prepared at all to deal with him. Or so I'd thought.

The short time I'd had to think about the situation had been enough for me to decide that I could see past my embarrassment to ask him what I wanted to know. Besides, it seemed Loki had come out all this way with the sole purpose of providing me with the answers. Why not find out what the god had to say for himself? So I'd asked him, and he told me. The story he painted was not admirable in its beginnings, even if I approved of his aim to destroy Danethar. I wasn't thrilled to have been a game piece. Not even temporarily. But having heard the rest of what 'Ilsa' had held back, I better understood why her behavior always felt so inconsistent.

The God of Mischief had been struggling with a matter of conscience. Or perhaps it was more apt to say that he had been developing one. If that were true, I'd been responsible for it in some way. How many had tried to work that change in his character? More than I could count- the Allfather included- and all of them had failed. I told myself not to get too smug, not wanting to take credit for something I couldn't even prove was true. Of course, thinking on all that was preferable to examining the resurgence of embarrassment that overwhelmed me only moments ago. Gods, how I wished Loki would have just agreed with my initial plan. Would have made life so much easier if he'd just been willing to pretend to have amnesia about what he saw as 'Ilsa'.

But I knew he had a point about trying to bury the past. Doing that for the last month hadn't gotten me very far, had it? It hadn't quelled the nightmares, or those times during the day when something woke one of those suppressed memories. So maybe that approach wasn't the right way to deal with it. Thoughts for later, but I'd had enough of it for today. That left me wondering what to do next, and apparently I wasn't the only one. Fortunately for me, Loki must have sensed that I wasn't interested in continuing the current topic. Or perhaps he also needed a break. Either way, I was grateful when he changed the subject.

"So out of curiosity, were you really going to Allin?"

"No- I just said it so Hearde wouldn't ask more stupid questions."

"Very devious. So where were you really headed?"

"Nowhere. Away. I didn't really have a plan."

"Well since no one expected _you_ back any time soon- and Thor has no idea how long it would take _me_ to find you, I'd say that gives _us_ a good long while to take advantage and go where we want."

"As opposed to doing the responsible thing and heading back now, I take it?"

"I figure if I'm already in trouble, going back early won't change it. Might as well have all the fun I can. What do you say, Lilith?"

I laughed in spite of myself, knowing I was losing my mind for even contemplating agreeing to go along with Loki's idea. But that smile invited me to ignore the voice in my head, telling me to be the good girl who never broke the rules. The girl who'd done nothing when the Allfather told her to marry a man she loathed. The girl who let that man beat and rape her because that's what she felt she was expected to do. I hadn't ever enjoyed being that girl; maybe it was overdue to try out being someone else. I'd already taken some steps in that direction- why not take another?

"I think being friends with you is going to get me into a lot of trouble one of these days," I answered at last. "Let's see if that day is today."

"Excellent!" he said, eyes sparkling with pure mischief. "Then let's go. The horses have rested long enough."

Loki stood, brushed a few blades of grass from his clothes and looked down at me. I unfolded my legs and tried to stand as well. Didn't work out so well, given that my left foot had gone to sleep while we'd been talking. I landed back on the grass with a soft thump. Despite Loki's bemused look, he tried his best not to laugh as he asked if I was okay.

"Yeah, let me just try that again. Maybe this time the leg will cooperate."

It did not. Rather than risk looking like a complete idiot and try again, I thought to wait it out, instead. He had a different plan, extending a hand in front of me.

"Want some help?"

Before my brain could process what it meant to accept it, or all the rational- and irrational- reasons why I wouldn't want to, I'd put my right arm out and our hands met. In seconds, fingers closed and I was hoisted gently to my feet. We stood there, only a foot or two apart. Our hands were still linked together. My heart skipped a beat. Or two. And then finally self-preservation kicked in, reminding me that I should definitely let go. Loki released my hand and stepped back just as I disengaged my grip.

"Lilith- you all right?"

"Surprised myself, that's all. I haven't let anyone…not since…" my words trailed off. "Perhaps it's as you said, and things aren't quite as hopeless as I'd begun to believe."

"Ready to ride, then?" My eyebrows rose, momentarily distracted by the multiple meanings of the phrase- one meaning in particular- instead of immediately hearing it the way Loki likely intended. He must have had a similar thought, having seen my reaction. "That did not come out as I intended," he explained apologetically. "Meant the horses, not…"

I was glad he didn't finish that sentence, already far too warm just thinking it inside my head. _Get a grip on yourself, Lilith. So you held hands for a few seconds. That does _not_ mean you have any business thinking about _that. The whole misunderstanding was my own fault. Obviously, Loki hadn't been thinking of anything suggestive. At least I hoped not. _Or did I?_ Leaving that question unanswered, I smiled tentatively.

"I know, I know. Why don't we spare each other any further discussion and just call it a conversation malfunction?"

He considered me thoughtfully for a moment.

"Conversation malfunction- I will have to remember that one for future reference. Well enough- to the horses, then?"

"To the horses," I agreed.

Dusk had come and gone. So had dinner. And yet Thor had seen no sign of Loki or Lilith. Neither had any of the guards posted at the city gates. Bern and Natje had given him an earful about the manner by which his brother had departed Asgard, though. Raced through the south gate as if pursued by a pack of fearsome dragons. He'd had to reassure the warriors that he did not hold them responsible for not having stopped Loki. As if they could have even if they had tried.

Of course, now hours later and his errant brother still hadn't come back- with or without Lilith. Thor had no choice, and had to tell Odin something of all this. Which was why he was standing here outside his father's private study, trying not to curse Loki for putting him in this position. _I should have gone with him. Never should have let him go out there alone._ But what was done was done. He knocked on the door and held his breath.

"Enter!"

Odin sat at his massive wooden desk, pouring over a scroll of spidery, faded runes. He glanced up, briefly, before bending his head to continue reading. With a wave of a hand he gestured to the seat opposite him. Thor sat, waiting as patiently as he could for his father to acknowledge him. Odin marked his place carefully and leaned back in his chair.

"My son, what brings you here so late this evening?"

"I fear I bear some ill news, father. News I believe cannot wait for morning."

"Very serious. What news requires such immediate attention?"

His brother would likely spin a tale that would minimize how grave the situation was, but Thor had only his bluntness to recommend him in times like this.

"Lilith rode out of the city this afternoon- presumably upset over something, but I do not know for certain."

"My guess from your agitated state is that she has not returned."

"Father, it's worse than that. Loki rode out after her. I'm ashamed to say I did not try to stop him. And now neither of them has been seen inside the city since this afternoon."

"I see," the Allfather said gravely. What does Heimdall say? Has he risen any alarm that your brother is causing trouble for the nine realms?"

"I hadn't thought to ask."

"I think before we consider anything drastic, a visit to the Watchman would be in order. If he is concerned, then report back here with what he has to say."

"Yes, sir."

With that, Thor rose and dismissed himself from his father's study, feeling somewhat embarrassed that he hadn't had the presence of mind to speak with Heimdall before coming here. The fact that the warrior _hadn't_ sent any additional messages likely meant whatever delayed his brother's return, it wasn't as disastrous as he feared. Instead of feeling relieved, Thor was only further annoyed. _Loki better have a damned good reason for this,_ he repeated for the hundredth time today.

The trip to the Bifrost was quick, though it felt longer to him. He rarely came to the bridge at this hour, and everything looked eerily different in the growing darkness. Sif was standing guard at the boundary as he walked up. She raised a hand in a companionable wave.

"Any news of the runaways?"

"That's what I'm here to ask. I sure as Hel haven't seen them."

"Oh, that doesn't sound good."

"Again, that's what I'd like to know. Is he receiving visitors," Thor asked with a nod to Heimdall's guard post. _As if it would matter if he weren't._

"Sure. Go on up."

In no time, he'd crossed the boundary and stepped up to where he hoped Heimdall would be waiting with answers. The warrior seemed unsurprised to find him on the Bifrost, despite the lateness of the hour.

"I take it you're here about your brother and Lady Lilith."

"It can't have taken him this long to find her, so I want to know why they aren't back yet."

"If it's any consolation, they're almost at the south gate," was the man's bemused reply. "Five or ten minutes and they'll ride through."

"It's not funny, Heimdall. Suppose Loki never came back? Father would never let me forget my mistake in letting him go."

"If you think you had anything to fear in that regard, you haven't been paying attention this past month. The only reason the Jotun would leave Asgard would be if the Lady did. I'm convinced that one would follow her to Hel and back if he had to."

"So tell me- where did he follow her today?"

"If I recall correctly, they crossed paths about ten miles outside the south gate."

"Ten miles!?" Thor was incensed. "Then what the Hel kept them all this time? That's an hour, maximum. They should have returned well before evening."

"I agree…if they'd ended things there. But I don't think coming back to the city was their primary concern for the day."

"Obviously not. Where'd they go, then?"

"I saw the God of Mischief and Lady Lilith at the Terathan Falls."

_The Terathen Falls!_ Those were well over twenty miles away. Most Asgardians made a day of visiting them, starting out early in the morning to return by nightfall. What had the two of them been thinking to make such a trip so late in the afternoon? Thor fought a scowl of annoyance. It was hardly Heimdall's fault he was in this mess; he was just the messenger.

"Well, I suppose if I want answers why Loki would have done something so irresponsible, I'll have to ask him myself. I should get over to the south gate."

"Aye, I suppose so. But I wouldn't be too hasty to dump all the blame on the Jotun. Your cousin has her own share of it."

"Yeah, I guess," Thor admitted, reluctant to see his cousin as an accomplice to Loki's penchant for troublemaking. But unless his brother had used his arts in compulsion on her- unlikely- he had to concede that Lilith was just as guilty. "I'll keep you posted on what story they tell me."

He left the guard post and hurried to the gate. Sure enough, just as he arrived Thor heard the sounds of two horses approaching. The warriors standing guard moved to block the road, but he called out to let them pass. Lilith and Loki materialized out of the dark, looking tired from the day's adventure. As well they should be. If he recalled what his brother told him at breakfast, neither of them had slept last night. Combined with the long ride they'd had today, it was a miracle either was still alert enough to keep the horses on the road. Loki noticed him first, and reined in his horse. Lilith did the same.

"Brother- you're about late."

"Someone had to be around when you decided to stumble home," he replied stiffly.

"What, did you truly worry that I'd get into trouble?"

"How was I to know? You left here hours ago with not a word or sign of you- either of you- all day."

"Why are you giving me such a hard time over this? I came back, didn't I?"

"Thor, can't whatever this is wait for morning?"

That from Lilith. He rounded on his cousin, who looked half-asleep where she sat atop her mare. If he wasn't so annoyed right now, he'd be worried about her keeling onto the ground. But he was annoyed, and gave her as much of a scold as Loki.

"And you," he continued. "What's the big idea running off in the first place?"

"That's none of your concern," she fired back at him, suddenly more alert. "Besides, I don't recall anyone telling me I _can't_ leave the city any time I've a mind to. So you can just stuff it, Thor."

He could see this tactic would get him nowhere. The two of them were a stubborn wall of defiance against his arguments. If it had only been one or the other, maybe he would have stood a chance. But not both. Thor relented with a frustrated sigh.

"Fine, what did I expect," he replied through clenched teeth. "But I'm reporting everything to father, and won't help you if he takes issue with your conduct, brother. Or yours, cousin."

Lilith merely smiled at him in a peculiar way, letting him know he'd made a serious mistake.

"Oh I would dearly love to hear what the Allfather would have to say about _my_ conduct. Somehow, I think he wouldn't dare. After all, I might want to reciprocate- settle accounts, you might say. I'm sure my tally of ill-deeds will come out much shorter than his."

_And I just made my losing position even worse._ To his surprise, Loki came to his rescue.

"Come on, Lilith. Thor's just cross because I left him holding the bag if you disappeared and I refused to come back. He's not going to bother Odin about all this." His brother eyed him warningly. "Right?"

"He's right," he agreed after weighing his options. Best to take the help and swallow his anger before either of them said anything they'd regret later. Having done that already, Thor wasn't eager to go through it again. Not when they'd only just gotten back to normal. "It's just been a long day and I just want to see the end of it. As I'm sure you two do, too. Why don't we call it a night and start over tomorrow when we're all in a more amiable mood?"

Lilith might have argued, but Loki distracted her, takin the focus away from Thor.

"The horses need to be returned to the stables, anyway. We'll have enough of a time dealing with Hearde- save your arguments for that annoying twit."

She rolled her eyes at him.

"Can't we just sneak in and hand them off to one of the grooms?"

"Could try, but I doubt it would work." He steered their horses towards the stable. He called to Thor over his shoulder. "So we'll see you tomorrow morning, then?"

"Depends how early you are to breakfast, but I rather doubt it."

He watched them depart before heading back to the palace. If he were lucky, they'd forget all about this come tomorrow. He certainly intended to do just that.

The horses were dealt with- as was Hearde, who was as annoying as ever. Even more so, since by now, he'd been informed of my identity. I assumed Loki had done that in his efforts to track me down this afternoon. The man kept trying to apologize for the things he'd said earlier, but I kept cutting him off. I hadn't yet decided what I wanted to do about what he'd told me about Loki and Danethar. During the ride to the falls and back, the topic never came up. Quite by design. And so I was no less eager to discuss it now.

I had more pressing worries by the time we'd trekked through the nearly empty streets of Asgard and up to the doors of the palace. I really didn't want to go back to my suite, no matter how tired I knew I was. The nightmares would be waiting for me. Possibly would be worse for having skipped a night. I was sure that Loki understood my reluctance. Given what he'd seen as 'Ilsa', I hardly expected otherwise. To his credit, though, he didn't mention any of it. Not even when we said good night in the hall outside our respective chambers.

Once inside mine, I was left alone to face the demons. I procrastinated as long as I could, taking extra time in changing out of my clothes and brushing the tangles out of my hair. But even that took far less time than I had hoped, and soon I had no alternative but to get into bed. Danethar's dream apparition did not take long to invade my mental barriers, bursting through minutes after I fell asleep. I fought. I fought him so hard, but to no avail. Danethar took what he came to claim anyway. On and on it went. And since I couldn't stop him, I kept trying to wake up. Just as I'd feared, that didn't work, either.

_Come on, Lilith,_ I told myself frantically. _Wake up. You can do this._

"Lilith, wake up," the words echoed in my ear, startling me. I hadn't said them; Danethar certainly hadn't. But he heard them as clearly as I did and laughed.

"Yes, Lilith, wake up. Go on and try to escape. But you won't, because deep down you know this is what you deserve."

"No- no I don't," I cried in defiance.

Just as he was about to slap me for my outburst, I felt hands cautiously shaking me by the shoulders. Not here in the dream- but beyond. Someone had entered my room and was trying to wake me up. It gave me enough of a distraction to break Danethar's hold on me. I jerked awake, nearly colliding head first into…Loki? Residual panic from the nightmare gripped me, and I struggled to extricate myself from the bedcovers and him. But my legs and arms were all tangled up, and I almost took the entire set of blankets with me as I went diving over the side. Or would have, if he hadn't held on.

"Lilith, it's okay. It's me. You're safe and no one's hurting you, I promise."

The words were spoken calmly, but with concern. I heard them and stopped struggling. In the aftermath of all that fretful energy, I began to tremor all the way from my head to my toes. It wouldn't stop, no matter how much I tried. My vision blurred, and not just from the exhaustion of having gotten no sleep…again. Tears found their way out, and I drew a shaky breath in an attempt to hold them in. I let it out, took another, and let that one out, too. To my ears, they sounded wobbly.

"Just one night," I ranted in frustration. "Can't I have one night where I can just sleep? Nothing else. No nightmares- no dreams of any kind. Just sleep. Is that too much to ask?"

"No, it's not," he said quietly.

I'd forgotten he was there; now I was acutely aware of him. Sitting on my bed.

"You're in my room," I remarked, too exhausted to mince words. "Why are you in my room?"

"I know I probably shouldn't be. If I've upset you, I won't do it again. But naturally, I heard you from across the hall and after what you said the other day about feeling trapped…"

_What I said to 'Ilsa' the other day, you mean._ I could see there would be no pretending that the two weren't one in the same, and I would have to deal with the reality that anything she knew, Loki also knew. Just another layer of awkward to our already complicated relationship.

"You came to wake me if I couldn't do it on my own," I finished for him.

"That was my idea, yes. Would you rather I didn't?"

I wasn't sure, to be honest. On one hand, that nightmare concerned me more than I cared to admit. If he hadn't woken me, I wasn't sure how long I would have been imprisoned there with Danethar. On the other…Loki was in my bedroom. I still felt the light, reassuring and yet somewhat unsettling brush of his fingertips on my shoulders. We'd only crossed that particular line this afternoon, where I was willing to let him touch me. But the why and how of earlier was very different than the current situation before me. I wasn't so sure I was comfortable with it.

_Do you think he'd hurt you,_ I asked myself. If that were the case, I should send him away and insist he never come in to my room again. _That's not it, though, is it?_ I knew it wasn't. No, my discomfort stemmed more from the general awkward feelings I kept having about Loki. Finding him in my room- even if his intention had only been to help- brought them roaring to life. I certainly didn't want to examine how that was possible when I'd only just awoken from a nightmare about Danethar. _Not a good enough reason to shut out his help, though. You may truly need it one day, and then where would you be?_

I didn't want to find out.

"No, I…thank you. I think I'm fine now, though."

He must have realized he hadn't let go, and dropped his hands to his lap. I couldn't quite bring myself to look him square in the eye, and focused just over his left shoulder. Out of the corner of my periphery vision, I could see the worry on his face. An uncommon expression, I imagined. I couldn't recall having ever seen it before. _The God of Mischief is worried about me, _I thought.

"You want me to leave you, or are you giving up on sleep for the evening?"

"I…should try again. I won't be much good to anyone if I don't get a few more hours."

"If the nightmares return…"

I let out a breath and hoped I wasn't making a mistake.

"You have my permission to wake me if I appear to be in any true distress."

He smiled, if only just a little, getting up from where he'd been sitting on the bed.

"Let's hope you won't have a need for it, but I'll keep an ear listening just in case. Good night, Lilith."

"Good night." I watched him slip out of the room, and heard the door to the hallway close. "Loki."

I flopped onto my back with a sigh. This was madness. Everything about me and him and whatever this was- sheer madness. Every day I seemed to be getting myself deeper and deeper into a hopelessly complicated bond with the God of Mischief. From just this morning, I'd gone from telling myself I needed to do things what would keep my mind off any attraction I might have for him. By afternoon, that plan had gone to Hel under a birch tree, and by tonight…well, inviting him here was the furthest I could get from sanity.

_If you don't get over this soon, you're going to have to tell him,_ my conscience whispered. _I know. But not yet. I still have time to fix this before I have to go that far._


	33. Chapter 32: Memory and Loss

Odin waited in his private study, expecting Loki to arrive shortly. Shortly after dawn, he had sent one of the palace pages with a summons to his son. The reply back had said Loki had an important appointment to handle first, but he would be available mid-morning. Odin hazarded a guess what 'appointment' could be so important. Yet another session with that miscreant, Danethar. What did that make now- nearly a month? And still two more months to go.

_I don't know how Danethar has survived this long, and nor do I want to._

For the hundredth time since his visit to the dungeons, he hoped that Loki would survive it, too. When he'd first agreed to let him do this, his worry had been that his son would find the bloodletting and cruelty addictive and it would lead to a downturn in his progress. But after those initial few days, Loki's enthusiasm had noticeably waned. Not that he didn't think the task important- his conviction on _that_ point had never wavered. Only now he approached the task with grim determination. Odin worried that the daily reminder of the man who'd hurt Lilith was going to be too much in the end.

_It might be better if he made an end to it, even if the man hasn't fully repaid his debt for Lilith._

A knock at his study door roused him from those thoughts, and he bade them to enter. When Loki walked through the door looking drained but resolute, Odin did his best not to shake his head. Even if he said anything about ending Danethar's punishment, his son would never agree to it. No point in even trying.

"I trust your appointment went well, my son?"

A ghost of an uneasy smile passed over Loki's lips as he took a seat opposite him. He stretched his legs and crossed them at the ankles, adopting a pose far more relaxed than his expression showed him to be. The same was true with the tone of his voice when he spoke- bored and disinterested.

"Depends who you ask. But I found it successful."

He was daring Odin to ask him what he meant by 'successful'; he didn't take the bait, opting to get on with the subject he'd brought the god here to discuss. Danethar was hardly his top concern at the moment. Odin was far more interested to hear about Lilith. He'd already gotten reports from Heimdall and Thor. Now he wanted Loki's perspective.

"And what of your progress with Lilith- is that equally successful in your opinion?"

"From your tone, it sounds like you don't think so," the god replied, his grin fading rapidly. "Were you hoping that I'd find a way to paste a sugary coating over all the ugliness she's suffered so everyone could get on with their lives as if nothing happened?"

Times like this, he wasn't sure who he dreaded facing more, Lilith or Loki. Just about anything he said was interpreted as an attack- complete with return fire. Although at least with the God of Mischief, he knew what to expect when his temper was riled. Lilith's was uncharted waters, and he found that more than a little daunting. He knew he'd brought all this upon himself when he set his plan in motion all those years ago, but it did weary a man to endure the constant battle. He sighed heavily before replying.

"I meant only to ask how you are getting on with her and vice versa, my son. I'm well aware that this is not a matter that can be rushed."

Loki considered him thoughtfully and shrugged.

"Apologies- I tend to be edgy after my visits to the palace dungeons."

"Understandable," Odin agreed while resisting the temptation to suggest ending them for good. "So- how are things with Lilith? I heard about an adventure to the Terathan Falls."

"From Thor I'm guessing," Loki remarked with a sheepish look. "I suppose I'm lucky not to be in trouble over that stunt."

"From what I saw of Lilith's mood in the days since, whatever mischief you caused was well worth it."

"Aside from annoying Thor, I hesitate to call the side-trip 'mischief'. Although…does this mean I have permission to cause _more_ so long as it improves Lilith's mood?"

"I warn you against going too far along that line of thought, my son."

"Is that a yes?"

"Within _reason_."

The god merely smiled. Odin hoped he wouldn't soon regret his leniency. No doubt there would be days ahead where Loki would test how far he could go. But mischief was in his nature, and he could hardly expect him to refrain from it for the rest of his life. And besides, what better way to find out if Lilith's influence could direct that mischief away from his outright anarchist schemes of late? He had to hope that it could be done. After all, that had been the point of all this, hadn't it?

"Of course," his son promised at last.

Whether he believed Loki to be telling the truth or not, Odin couldn't say. Even if he was, their definition of 'reasonable' was likely very different. He would just have to deal with that later. Right now, he pressed on about Lilith.

"So tell me- have you spoken to Lilith about…" he paused, unsure how to phrase his question. "Well, anything?"

"Some, but I haven't gotten as far with all that as I'm sure everyone would hope. Thor is especially impatient for me to get on with this."

"I'll speak with him."

"No need, but thanks anyway. I'd rather have him pester me than try to keep it bottled. Too likely he'd eventually explode at the worst of moments."

"Likely so." Odin was impressed with Loki's foresight on the matter. "So what- if anything- have you told her?"

"Well, it wasn't quite by my design, but she's found out who 'Ilsa' truly was."

"And how did that go?"

"Initially? Not well," Loki admitted. "That's what sent her running from the city. But we talked it out afterwards and Lilith has forgiven me for it. Still not entirely comfortable about some aspects- either of us- but at least she's not angry. I'll take what I can get."

That was encouraging news indeed. Not the greatest hurdle the two would have to overcome, but it was one of the biggest. If Lilith could pardon his son for that deception, Odin held out hope that she'd be more receptive when it came to forgiving him when she found out the rest. It was a slim hope, though. Even if he set aside the business with the mages and her isolated life in the palace, the three months with Danethar would be a hard thing to absolve- regardless of whether Loki had any direct involvement in the decision or not. His thoughts were interrupted as his son continued.

"That's as much as _I've_ told her." Odin caught the emphasis and raised an eyebrow in silent query. "Hearde took it upon himself to tell Lilith a few other things."

His tone suggested whatever the man had told Lilith, the god was not pleased about it. And when Loki wasn't pleased with someone…he reluctantly asked the next logical question. "Should I be looking for a new manager for the stables?"

"No, he's alive," Loki grumbled. "I can't very well kill him or she might suspect _why_."

"And what did the man tell her," he asked while ignoring the implication that at some point he may need to find Hearde's replacement.

"Gossiping fool told her all about Thor and me going to Jotunheim to fetch Danethar. And if that wasn't enough, he told her about what was decided at his final hearing."

"So she knows you executed him. Or at least assumes that you have."

"Yeah."

"What did she have to say about that?"

"That's the part that worries me. Lilith didn't say a word about it. Still hasn't."

"You haven't brought it up, either."

"No, I haven't." He gave a short, sharp laugh. "And since she knows about 'Ilsa', I can't just ask her that way anymore. So it's ask directly or not at all from now on."

They were silent for some time before Odin changed the subject.

"How is Lilith in general," he ventured to ask. "Your mother and I are interested to know. But as you can imagine, we can't exactly ask Lilith ourselves. Frigga told me some time ago that you said she was having nightmares?"

"Was…is. Every night it's the same horror. I've been looking for some kind of magic that could help stop them, but the few enchantments I've found have me worried they'll do more harm than good. For now, the best I can do is wake her when they get too bad."

He was sure he hadn't heard that last part correctly, and repeated the words, "Wake her?"

"Thank the gods it usually doesn't take more than a light shake. Maybe two if I've waited too long. Sometimes she'll try to sleep again after that; most times not."

"But…you actually go into her room?"

"With her express permission, yes."

Odin considered that the most unexpected news he'd heard all morning. He knew from reports from Heimdall and Thor that Lilith was rapidly becoming comfortable around Loki. They were a common sight together around the palace and the city lately. Still, never had he expected to hear that she'd agree to let someone into her room. Certainly not a man- even if it was Loki. His surprise must have been evident.

"Go ahead and say it. How you hardly believe it possible she'd let someone like me in her chambers in the dead of night."

"I was surprised to hear she let anyone in. Lilith wouldn't have let you do that unless she trusts you, and that's something to be proud of, my son. I know I am."

Loki couldn't quite believe what he'd heard, judging from his expression. Given how long it had been since Odin had last said those words to him, the surprise was appropriate. Frankly, they were overdue.

"And not just for that. You've done well these past few months, Loki. I hope you know that. Your mother and I are very proud of what you've accomplished in so short a time."

"I…truly?"

"Beyond a doubt."

"I'd say thank you, but I don't feel I'm due all the credit. A large part I owe to Lilith." He smiled ruefully to himself. "And one of these days I'll figure out how to tell her that."

"You couldn't have done it without her, I agree. But Loki- Lilith couldn't change someone who wasn't willing. Don't let yourself forget that."

I was surprised to find the library deserted. Loki and I had planned to meet here this morning, but his table of books sat empty. Curious to know what he was studying, I walked over and picked one up. Ancient runes- not my best subject. We'd all taken our turns with language tutors. I fared much better with some of the Midgardian ones, but runes never seemed to click in my brain. Only a few on the first page stuck out from what little I still remembered; it was a book of enchantments.

_At least I _think_ that's what it said._ I closed the book and set it back on the pile. From the look of it, most of the others were of a similar subject and age. _I sure hope he's not looking for an incantation to create that spell he read about. I really don't want to see him try it on Thor. Or me._ But I had to admit that it would be funny to see someone with hair…no, I couldn't encourage him to do it. No matter how amusing. The book never said how it was reversed, and I didn't want some poor idiot to walk around like that for the rest of his or her life.

What to do now, though, since Loki wasn't here. Might as well go find something else to read while I waited. As I wandered towards the Midgardian section of the library, I reflected on the events of the past four days. Since finding out Loki had been Ilsa, neither one of us mentioned much about it- or what he'd seen when he'd been her. I was sure he would have, but was waiting for me to get more comfortable first. If that were the case, he was going to wait for a good long while. About the only thing I felt capable of discussing was the garden. Was considering asking him about it today, actually, as his last visit had been cut abruptly short. I doubt he even had a chance to see how the Distar was flourishing.

That would have to wait until he deigned appear, and so I kept walking. Instead of heading immediately to the science fiction and fantasy shelves, I took a detour over to philosophy. It had been a very long time since I perused the titles; perhaps I'd find something new that would catch my attention. My lips moved silently as I read of the familiar titles and authors. On the shelf second from the bottom, I noticed a set of books by Voltaire that had seen some hard use. Covers were torn and scuffed, and it looked like some of the pages had been bent carelessly. I wondered how they could have gotten so badly abused, pulling one out to look at it more closely.

The second my hand closed over the book, a wave of memories crested through me.

[Many Years Earlier]

"_IT'S NOT TRUE!_"

"I'm sorry, sweetie, but I'm afraid they're not coming back this time."

"Papa promised he'd come home and bring me a new book for my collection. He _promised_!"

The little girl with coppery curls stood in the doorway of a cozy cottage, fist balled at her sides as she screamed the words at an elderly woman. When the woman tried to approach, the girl ducked under her arms and raced upstairs to her bedroom. On the shelf above her bed sat a neat row of books, but the girl hardly noticed them as she flung herself on the deep green comforter. Her whole body shook with every sob. The older woman appeared at the door, a sad look on her face. She entered the room and sat next to the weeping child, stroking her hair gently.

"It hurts, dear one, I know. But the ship failed to make the crossing before the storm. Only a few passengers survived the wreckage, but your parents weren't among them."

"They could still alive!" came a teary, muffled reply. "Papa's a strong swimmer- he and mama are okay."

"Lilith, you must understand. They're not coming back."

"Stop saying that! They _will_ come back. They _always_ come back."

"Not this time."

Lilith looked up, her face reddened and shimmery with tears. Her lower lip trembled.

"He's gotta come back. Please? I promise I'll be good- honest."

"I'm afraid it doesn't work that way. They're gone."

From the doorway, heavy footsteps echoed on the wooden floor. Lilith's eyes brightened with hope as she craned her neck to see around the woman. The steps grew nearer and she scrambled to her knees to get a better look, sure that the woman had been playing a mean trick on her.

"Papa! You're wrong, it's him! He and mama made it okay and are home!"

"Child, wait."

The woman tried to catch hold of the girl's dress, but wasn't quick enough. Lilith shot off the bed and hurried to the door. Just as her hands touched the wooden frame, a tall, stately man walked in, nearly knocking her over; it wasn't her father. The Allfather, Kind of Asgard, stood in the doorway and looked down upon Lilith with his one eye. In horrified surprise, she let out a frightened gasp and shrank several steps backward.

"My King," the woman said with a curtsey.

"Lady Ardell," he greeted her solemnly. "I trust you've told the child about her parents?"

"_IT'S NOT TRUE!_" Lilith screamed at him.

Lady Ardell sighed heavily.

"I tried to explain it to her, but she won't believe me."

"Lady Lilith," the Allfather addressed the girl directly. "Step forward."

Not impressed by the kingly command, she crossed her arms defiantly over her narrow chest and scowled. Her feet never moved a single inch closer.

"I'm not going anywhere until you bring my papa back."

"I've already told you, child, your papa is dead," Lady Ardell tried again, reaching for the girl's shoulders to propel her in the direction of the Allfather. "You're to become a ward of the King now and live in the palace."

"_NO!_" Lilith twitched violently out of the woman's grasp. "I won't go!"

"I'm afraid you haven't a choice, dear. This house was leased to your parents by the palace in exchange for their services in the library. It needs to be turned over to a new tenant."

Anger turned to horror as the little girl realized she was losing not just her beloved parents, but the only home she'd ever known. She didn't want to live in the palace, and she certainly didn't want to live with the stern-looking man standing before her. Frantically, she shook her head side to site.

"No! No, no, no! _Please_ don't make me go," she wailed piteously, clutching at the woman's skirts.

But they did. All her things were packed up swiftly around her and hauled up to the palace. Likewise, Lilith was hauled up there, too, loudly protesting the whole way. When she got there, she ran straight to the library- the only part of it she knew at all- and found the Midgardian section. A few boxes of books sat in one of the aisles, stamped with her family's seal and dated for last week. They must have been shipped by her father just before the ill-fated voyage. Lilith ripped open the packaging and scooped out handful after handful of the filler that was so carefully protecting the precious cargo.

Any other day, Lilith would have been excited to see what her parents had brought from Midgard; today, she hated those rectangular volumes. Each one was another reminder that her papa and mama were never coming back. In her fury, she snatched the first book out of the crate and hurled it down the aisle. It sailed in a high arc before landing awkwardly on its exposed pages. Lilith threw another and another, not even looking up to see where or how they landed. The library echoed with the sounds of hard covers smacking horrendously on the marble.

She got to the bottom of the box, or at least as far as she could reach. Frustrated and still angry, Lilith kicked the crate, then turned back to the books littering the aisle. She was about to pick one up to start ripping out pages when a hand reached out to stop her. Lilith tried to shake it off, but the hand wouldn't budge.

"Lemme go!" she demanded angrily, spinning around to see who dared interfere.

Before her stood a youth about twice or three times her age. Dark, long hair, pale skin and brilliant blue eyes. He gently took the book away from her and set it back in the crate, but his eyes never left her.

"You really shouldn't do that, you know," he said at last. "It's not right to destroy books."

"I don't care," she argued sullenly. "They got my papa killed, so what good are they?"

Comprehension dawned on his face as he must have put together who she was.

"You're Lady Morgan, aren't you?"

"_Lilith_. My name is Lilith, and I'm _not_ a Lady."

He almost laughed at her vehemence, but managed to keep a straight face.

"Fine then, Lilith it is."

"They told me I have to live _here_ now," she told him plaintively, dislike evident. "I don't want to live here."

"It's not so bad," he assured her. "You'll get used to it."

"No I won't!"

"You're a stubborn little thing, aren't you?" Lilith's only reply was to glare at him until he sighed. "Well, my name's Loki and I live here, too. What say you help me put these books back in the crate?"

"No."

"Look, I know you're upset, but it's not their fault." Frozen silence. "Okay, think of it this way- did your papa like books?"

Very slowly and reluctantly, Lilith nodded.

"So would he like it if he knew you'd tried to damage them?"

A shake of her head. This time, the anger gave way to tears. They rolled silently down the curve of her cheeks and fell to the floor.

"No," she whispered brokenly, and dashed them away with the back of her hand. Loki handed her a square of emerald silk from his pocket.

"Here. Dry your eyes with this, little one." When she finished, Lilith held it back out to him, but he waved her to put it away. "Keep it. You might have need of it again."

"Mkay." Lilith stuffed the handkerchief in her dress and sniffed a few times.

"So- will you help me?"

Lilith nodded, and the two of them gathered up the books. As she picked up the one closest to her, she gasped in dismay and shame when she saw the damage she'd done. Loki made no comment or rebuke, merely glancing at her every so often. Soon enough, they'd returned every one of the books to the crate. All but the last. The very furthest book had been the first one she'd thrown. When Loki picked it up, an envelope fell out from between two of the pages. He retrieved it and read the script on the verso.

"This appears to be for you, little one."

Lilith took the packet and broke its seal. Inside, she read the message from her papa. It said he'd bought this book especially for her and was looking forward to reading it together when he got back. She bit her bottom lip, hoping to keep herself from crying again in front of the strange older boy. She wanted to ask him for the book, but was too afraid she might burst into tears. So she handed him the note. He read it and then tucked it back into the book.

"A gift. Well," he said as he glanced at the title. "I think this might be a bit advanced for a girl your age, but I'm sure you'll grow into it soon enough. Go on and take it. Read this and remember your papa, Lilith. It'll be okay."

Lilith took the volume from his hands and crushed it against her chest. She gave Loki a watery smile and thanked him before running off to her suite.

[Return to the Present]

The scene faded and my vision cleared to see the book in my hands. I remembered it now; I remembered all about that horrible day when I'd learned my parents were dead. Utterly bewildered and unsettled by the sensation of rediscovering old, buried memories, I dropped the book. It hit the marble with a loud slap, and I jumped.

_How could I have forgotten all of that? Lady Ardell and the Allfather and…Loki._ At the very least, I should have remembered the part with him in the library. I remembered the book he'd handed me in any case- the book I kept with me my whole life as my only link to my parents. Maybe I'd forgotten them and how they'd died, but I never forgot the book and what it meant to me.

_And then I had to give it away,_ I reminded myself miserably. _Danethar would have burnt it or worse if I hadn't given it to…_my thoughts halted. _Gods of the Allfather, I gave it to 'Ilsa'._

Question was, what had Loki done with it? I wasn't sure I wanted to ask him. After all, I'd told him it wasn't important when I gave it to him, so I doubted Loki would have taken much note of it. And while I doubted he would have destroyed it or thrown it away, I wouldn't have been surprised if he hadn't considered it important enough to bring back to the palace. It could be anywhere in the city by now. _Really doesn't matter where, does it? Even if he does know where he left it, I doubt I'll be able to get it back now._ Either way, I had no idea when he might arrive, so I thought my time might be better spent if I visited the Bifrost. Perhaps Heimdall could tell me why I had gaps in my memory- and what else might be missing that I no longer recalled.

Heimdall saw her coming. He didn't know what prompted her to seek him out, but in a few short minutes, Lilith would be at his door.

"Might as well be a revolving one for all the traffic I get around here," he muttered to himself irritably. "Every day it's someone wanting to know something."

He tried not to cringe when Lilith popped her head through the door, but wasn't quite quick enough for her not to see it.

"I take it you've been pestered with more trying conversations since I was here last," she inquired innocently. A little _too_ innocently.

"Several, and I expect you're here to hand me another."

"That depends on you."

To his mind, that meant yes. But even if she was here with more impossible questions, it was good to see Lilith looking less…brittle. The past few days with Loki were helping with that. She was still having nightmares with those abnormal gates, but at least the Jotun was there to prevent anything from going horribly wrong. Heimdall hoped the god would find some way to help her be rid of them altogether. But for now, he heaved a sigh at her and hoped for the best of what she was about to say.

"Aye, I guess so. Have a seat, then, and we'll see what headache you've brought me."

Lilith crossed the room and grabbed the worn wooden chair he kept in the corner. Perhaps he should get a more comfortable one, seeing as though he was getting more use out of it lately. Then again, that would only invite his visitors to come more often and stay that much longer. Best not to give them any ideas.

"I came here to see what you could tell me about my parents. My biological ones."

Heimdall was immediately alarmed. A long time ago, the Allfather bade him never to speak of what became of Lilith's parents or anything about her life prior to living in the palace. To anyone. Odin never said why, but he assumed that he had very good reasons to want that particular history forgotten. And to this day Heimdall hadn't thought much about the command, since no one inquired about Lord and Lady Morgan. Well, now Lilith herself had come asking; he had no idea what to tell her.

"I know that look," she interrupted his thoughts. "It's the same as when I was asking you about 'Ilsa'- you know something but can't tell me because you've been asked not to."

The less said about the 'Ilsa' topic, the better. Heimdall had no wish to reopen that discussion.

"That was a different circumstance," he hedged.

"Yeah, I'll bet. I'm shocked you even let him on the Bifrost in the first place, let alone were keeping secrets for him. But that's your business, and as you said- an oath is an oath."

_Him?_ Did that mean she knew 'Ilsa's' true identity, then? Now he truly regretted that he'd all but banished Sif from the Bifrost for a week- ever since the say Lilith and Loki ran off for the afternoon to the Terathan Falls. She'd been determined to drive him crazy with theories and suppositions of what may happen between the two, so he'd kicked her off the Bifrost with strict instructions not to return for at least five or ten days. Probably should have let her finish her story, first, since he was sure she likely knew all about how Lilith had found out. He was startled when Lilith laughed.

"Oh you should see your face, Heimdall. Yes, I finally asked the right person. It's a long story- and a weird one, so I'll spare you the details. Although, depending how much you saw- or Loki might have told you himself- I doubt I really _need_ to say much of anything on the subject."

For once, he didn't have the details as she assumed. But more important to him beyond that, Lilith was certainly taking the news much better than he thought she would. He ventured to say so.

"Forgive me, but I thought you'd be a mite more…upset."

"I was. Make no mistake I was. But it's been a few days and I'm making peace with it. Being angry won't change anything, will it?"

A few days ago. That might explain why she left Asgard in such a hurry. And why the God of Mischief had been so keen to follow her.

"I guess not."

"As I said- long, weird story. Back to the present. So…since this is different, what can you tell me?"

"Lilith…"

"I'm only asking for what I have a right to know. Lately, I'm getting random flashes of a childhood that has somehow been erased from my memory. I need to know why I can't remember and try to get the rest of those days back if I can."

He hadn't expected her to tell him any of that. He always assumed she didn't ask about her parents because she didn't want to be reminded of them. Losing a father and mother at such a young age was hard to handle. But from what Lilith just said, it sounded like she'd honestly forgotten about them. A whole past wiped out. It sounded like magic to him, but didn't dare say so. No telling what Lilith might do if she suspected someone had been playing around with her mind. _It better not have been you, Jotun._ Heimdall suspected it wasn't, though. The Allfather was a far more likely candidate. Ignoring that thought, he redirected the conversation to find out as much as he could about what Lilith knew before he had to answer her questions.

"Very strange, indeed. But you say you remembered something?"

"Well, only two memories have surfaced so far. One was a very short scene of me playing in the library. My father was delivering books for the royal collection and I must have gone with him. I was asking him to take me on his next trip, but he said I wasn't old enough yet."

"And the other?"

"That one was much longer and much more vivid. It happened only just this morning while I was in the philosophy section. I came upon some damaged books." She paused and Heimdall waited. He suspected he knew now what Lilith had remembered.

"It was my fault," Lilith said finally. "The day I found out my parents were dead and I had to live in the palace. I was so…angry…because if not for those books, I thought my father would still be alive. Probably would have torn them all to pieces if Loki hadn't stopped me." An odd smile tugged at her mouth. "It's funny- I think that might have been the first time he and I ever met, and I didn't remember a thing about it until today."

Definitely sounded like the work of a mage. Blocking memories was right up their alley. A tricky business, and not always successful. The right trigger in the right moment could release whatever had been suppressed. Which sounded exactly like what was happening with Lilith. Heimdall wanted no part of whatever the Allfather had been trying to do. He'd tell her as much as he knew and that was it. The rest would be Odin's problem.

"That must have come as quite the shock."

"Now you see why I'm here. I thought maybe you could help me make sense of it."

"I can try. I didn't know them well, but your parents were often passing through the Bifrost into Midgard for their business. It was a black day when I had to inform Odin of the shipwreck that lost them to us all."

"How long ago was that? I know I was quite young, but have no sense of the exact age."

"If memory serves me right, you were not quite seven."

"Seven," she repeated slowly. "I have no memory of the years before that. Not even important things all children remember- birthdays and holidays. The last birthday I recall with any clarity was when I was nine or ten."

"I'm sorry, Lilith."

"Why don't I remember? Did I _want_ to forget for some reason? Or did something happen to _make_ me forget- a fall or accident?"

Heimdall very much doubted it was any accident.

"I'm afraid I wouldn't know. You should ask up at the palace."

"We'll see, Heimdall." Lilith rose and moved to leave. Before taking the last step, she looked at him one final time. "Could you tell me one last thing?"

"I'll try my best."

"In my memory, I heard my surname, but no one said their names. What were they?"

"Your father was Lord Justin, and he was married to a fine Lady named Claudia."

"Thank you," she said with a brief smile.

"Not at all. Headed back are you?"

"I think I've pestered you quite enough for today. Keep an eye out, though, for I'm sure I'll be back before too long."

_Let's hope you'll still be in as good a mood when that day comes._

His meeting with Odin hadn't been quite what Loki had expected. So many times he'd been called into that study for a lecture about everything he was doing wrong; it felt odd to be receiving praise. He reminded himself that it didn't mean that he wouldn't be in trouble again- especially if he took the Allfather at his word and created a bit of mischief around Asgard. With Lilith's help, of course. That was a part of the deal, and quite possibly one of the best parts of it if he could get her to play along. Perhaps he'd try out that enchantment…just had to think of a good target. No doubt she meant it when she forbade him to test it on Thor or herself.

_A shame, since I have to wonder what she'd look like…_

Speaking of Lilith, she was likely wondering where he was. His session with Danethar took much longer than he intended, and then there'd been that unexpected audience with Odin. Now it was nearly noon. They'd planned to meet in the library well over two hours ago. He hoped she'd still be there, but wouldn't entirely blame her if she'd given up to pursue something else.

Loki saw no sign of Lilith in their usual place when he arrived at last. Disappointed, he returned to his table and where his research on enchanting a person's dreams sat waiting. The pile of books and assorted texts had grown. If only he could say so had his hope of finding anything to assist him with the nightmares. Odin had heard the truth earlier about what little he had found. He flipped open the cover of a tome he'd found only yesterday and began to read.

A half hour later, the sound of footsteps roused Loki from his concentration. He raised his head and twisted around to see who it was. While not entirely surprised to see Lilith, he didn't expect her to pass by without noticing him. She looked to be lost in thought, hardly aware of her surroundings. Curious and somewhat concerned, Loki got up quietly and followed her until she stopped before the shelves reserved for Midgardian philosophy. He wondered what had drawn her here.

"Lilith? Is everything okay?"

She didn't respond, kneeling down to peer at one of the lower shelves. He read the titles over her shoulder- Voltaire. Something about them poked at a memory. Where did he recall these books, and when? They looked rather worse for wear. Unusual for volumes kept in the palace, unless they were very old and very rare. These were neither, so why were they in such terrible condition? The odd feeling that he'd forgotten something grew stronger, but wouldn't coalesce into anything that would point him to an answer to the question. Loki tried getting Lilith's attention again.

"Lilith?" This time he tapped her lightly on the shoulder. "Can you hear me?"

"What, who…" she asked, startled. Lilith tipped her head backwards to look up at him. "Oh, it's you."

"I was here when you walked in, but I don't think you saw me."

"No, probably not. I was…thinking."

"Yeah, I picked up on that right way. Something important happen this morning that I missed?"

Lilith nodded absently, her attention drawn back to the book she'd pulled off the shelf. She turned it over a few times, tracing the torn biding with her index finger. An odd expression flitted over her features, and he was tempted to prompt her again.

"You could say that," Lilith answered at last. "It's hard to say if the morning would have gone the same if you'd been here, though. I might not have stopped by here earlier, and that's what started it all."

"Started what?"

"I had another flashback- where I remember things about my childhood before living in the palace."

He was not entirely surprised to hear her say that. After she'd told him about the first one, he'd known it was only a matter of time before more would follow. Quite frankly, Loki hadn't expected it to take this long. She'd already cracked the mage's spell, and now they would continue to degrade and weaken until all of those lost memories would resurface. And with them would come questions. Questions Loki knew he'd have to answer.

"You want to talk about it," he offered even though it was likely to end with him answering those questions before he felt prepared to.

"Sure." Lilith's look changed to bemused and she gave a light laugh. "It has to do with you, anyway, so perhaps you can answer what Heimdall couldn't."

He froze, paralyzed by her words. So casually spoken on her side, but with the potential for who knew what disaster for him. She was immediately concerned, smile fading.

"What? Did I say something wrong?"

"No," he lied. "I was only surprised. A memory with me in it, you say?" He racked his brain trying to remember something of those days and where they could have met before she came to the palace. Nothing came to him.

"Part of it, yes." Lilith gripped the shelf and tried to stand. "This was much easier on the way down than getting back up."

"Here, allow me."

Loki leant a hand to help Lilith to her feet, which she took without hesitation. Since that day in the meadow, Lilith had become accustomed to brief moments of physical contact between them. Although he took hope from them, encouraged that she wasn't repulsed or frightened, those moments were sweet torture. Loki craved so much more. His thoughts- not to mention his body- burned with the things he wanted to do. _I _will_ be patient_, he reminded himself fiercely. _Rush this and you'll regret it for the rest of your life._

"Much better," Lilith said with another smile, bringing him back to the present. "Thank you."

"My pleasure. So, did you want to talk here, or did you have somewhere else in mind?"

"Given that I've already walked to the Bifrost and back, I think our regular chairs are far enough."

When they sat, he gestured for her to begin. "So tell me, what memory visited you today that could have included me?"

"The day we met for the first time." Her light-hearted tone waned as she continued, "On the day I learned that my parents had died." She shook her head. "With the impression my stubborn temper must have given you, I'm only slightly surprised you don't recall the exchange. But it was a very long time ago."

"I confess I can't recall it at all." _Kind of wishing I could. Sounds like it was quite the day._

"You found me here- right where we were just a moment ago- throwing books as hard as I could." She held up the one she still carried with her. "This was one of the less fortunate ones I managed to get my hands on before you came in and put a stop to it."

"Why were you throwing them?"

"I was angry. They all told me my parents weren't coming back ever again and that I'd have to live in the palace whether I wanted to or not. When I got here, I saw a crate of books- the last ones my parents had gone to purchase in Midgard. I wanted to blame something and took my anger out on them."

Vague flashes started to come back to him as she related the story. Sounds of the destruction; a young girl in a burgundy dress reaching down to rip one of the volumes to pieces; a teary-eyed face venting hurt and anger over her loss. She'd been so very sad and yet so very angry. He'd understood how she felt, and had wanted to help. But as she'd just said, Lilith had been quite obstinate that day, and he'd had a Hel of a time getting her to change her mind about the books she thought had killed her parents.

_Lilith I understand…but why did _I _forget that day? _Loki almost didn't want to know the answer to that question. Either he'd dismissed it on his own for the selfish reasons of the man he used to be, or she wasn't the only one whose memory had been toyed with. _I almost hope it's the latter, but I have a feeling the Allfather had nothing to do with why I forgot._

"I think it's coming back to me," he admitted aloud. "I'd come in here to do some research on…well, that I can't quite recall…but I heard the noise you were making and went to investigate. You were quite intent on destroying the contents of the crate."

"Luckily, I was given some advice how I might better honor the memory of my father and the books were spared any further damage." After a pause, she continued, "One especially- a gift he'd sent to me with the others meant for the palace. I was glad to have it in the years that followed, though it took a few years before I was old enough to grasp its contents."

Loki could clearly picture the book and having handed it to her. His eyes widened as the title flashed in his mind's eye.

"The book you gave to me the first today I showed up as 'Ilsa'- it was the same book, wasn't it? The one Danethar would have destroyed."

"Yes, it was," she answered with a smile of regret. "I knew I'd gotten it from my parents, just not how, I guess."

Lilith said nothing more. He was surprised that she didn't ask him what he'd done with the book. Was that what she'd been looking for when she came back to the library? Maybe she thought he'd put it here for safekeeping, and was now afraid to find out since she hadn't seen it with the others. Could be that she didn't think he'd kept it at all, because she hadn't told 'Ilsa' how important it was. Lilith couldn't know that he'd seen through her façade and had put the book somewhere far more secure than the palace library. Perhaps it was time to give it back.

"Come with me," he announced, springing from his chair and grabbing Lilith's hand. She just barely had a chance to get to her feet before he was already pulling her towards the way out.

"Loki, wait- what in the name of the Allfather…" she sputtered in bewilderment. "Where are we going?"

"You'll see in a minute. Now come on."

Lilith didn't protest or try to let go of his hand, allowing him lead her through the corridors. On the way to the family wing of the palace, they met a few servants, who marked their passage with curiously furtive glances. Loki paid them little mind; Lilith didn't seem to notice them at all, distracted by what he was up to. At last, they came to a stop in front of his door. Now he hesitated.

_Should I tell her to wait for me here while I get the book, or do I dare invite her in? Would she even say yes if I did?_ Loki was still debating when Lilith asked him a question.

"Well…we're here. What did you want me to see?"

"It's inside." He laid a hand on the door to his suite; the other still held hers.

"Oh." Lilith blinked in surprise. "I'm to go…in there?"

"You don't have to. I could bring it out here if…"

She cut him off quickly, saying, "I didn't think anyone ever went into your suite. Well, besides servants, anyway."

_You're not 'anyone', Lilith_, he thought but didn't have the courage to say. Instead, Loki went for a far safer answer.

"That's just to keep annoying visitors like my brother out. Besides, if I'm allowed in yours, it's only fair you're allowed in mine, wouldn't you say?"

"I guess so," she agreed, though not sounding wholly convinced. He decided to let it go and go get the book himself.

"Anyway, give me a second and I'll be right back."

Before she could reply, Loki reluctantly dropped her hand and opened the door. He shouldn't feel disappointed, knowing that it had been an unlikely gamble from the outset to invite her in. At least she hadn't been outright horrified at the idea. That should be victory enough for today. He hurried across the main chamber and took an immediate left to enter a smaller one he used as his personal study. Aside from a few shelves of books and other treasures he guarded from prying eyes, the room boasted a desk and several chairs. He'd designed it much like the private alcoves in the library. A place he was certain to be left alone to read and contemplate. _Well, maybe not entirely alone one day._

The book. Loki shook himself out of his thoughts and took a step or two towards the bookshelf where he'd put it a few months ago. He hadn't quite reached it when a sound caught his attention.

"Why am I not surprised you would have a library in your own suite," Lilith's voice mused from the doorway behind him.

For a second or two he couldn't turn around, afraid he'd only imagined it. But when Loki pivoted slowly, there she stood. Lilith's eyes were traveling over the furnishing of the room, a mix of curiosity and approval. He still couldn't quite believe that she'd walked in on her own. And while his brain grappled with that impossibility, he found no words to respond to her comment.

"So is it in here," she asked at last, her gaze returning squarely to his. "This thing you wanted me to see?" She paused when he didn't answer, suddenly uncertain. "Or have you changed your mind about my coming in here?"

"No, I…" he broke off whatever he'd been about to say. Honestly, he wasn't sure what it would have been.

With a game smile, he turned back to the shelf and withdrew the volume he was looking for. Lilith had come further into the room by the time he faced her again. Loki closed the distance between them and she looked up at him with a quizzical expression.

"I thought you might like to have this back," he said, offering the book to her.

Lilith took it from him with both hands and read the title to herself in a low murmur. One hand passed over the cover slowly. When she looked up again, her eyes were bright with unshed tears; she tried to blink them away.

"You kept it," she said in a tremulous voice. "I hadn't thought to hope…"

"Your words that day might have said otherwise, but I could tell this book was important to you, Lilith. So I brought it here until I could figure out why and what to do about it."

"Thank you, Loki. I…this means a lot to me. It really does." She looked as though she was almost going to say something else, but let out a sigh instead.

"You're most welcome," he replied, reaching out to brush away a fallen tear with his thumb. "Hopefully this time its back with you to stay."

Lilith didn't pull away, but her eyes widened in surprise. He was caught off-guard, too, not having intended to do that at all. Now that he had, what would she do next? Loki held his breath, waiting to find out.

"If it doesn't," she said in an almost whisper, "perhaps you won't mind rescuing it again."

"Any time, Lilith. You need only ask."


	34. Chapter 33: Promises Made

What a day. I was feeling a little…off balance…after the events of this morning. Especially the last part with Loki. Still didn't know what possessed me to go into his suite. There'd been no need to- he was going to bring the book out to me. Of course, I hadn't known at the time _what_ he'd gone in to fetch. Not the point. I had no earthly reason to follow him. Nothing except a curiosity that outweighed my apprehension about entering a man's room. That and the common sense of any sane person.

_You should consider yourself fortunate that the book was in the study and not his bedchambers, _I told myself. _What would you have done if you'd had to follow him that far?_

Not a clue. I tried convincing myself that I had no interest in seeing it; I knew I was lying. The only bedroom I'd ever seen other than my own had been Danethar's, and I was sure Loki's was vastly different. But in what exact ways- that I couldn't envision. So to hide my curiosity on that subject, I'd made an excuse to get out of there. Namely, that I wanted to return the book to my suite. I wasn't sure Loki didn't see through the flimsy excuse, but he ushered us out, anyway.

We'd parted in the hall. I to my suite and Loki to…well, I wasn't sure. He never volunteered to tell me where he went during the day, and I never asked. Today, I'd just been glad for the break after things had gotten so intense. It gave me the opportunity to lecture myself on my errant feelings, which had gotten stirred up again despite my efforts to keep them under control. I was pretty sure I hadn't made any progress with trying to cure myself of my attraction to him. And Loki wasn't making it easy, either. Not when he did things like today. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was deliberately provoking them. I blushed at the memory of his thumb bushing my cheek, then shook my head in self-disgust.

_Don't be ridiculous. He's just…_I paused. _What in the Hel _is_ he doing? _Again, I had no idea, but I knew he couldn't possibly be thinking _that_. Right?

I stubbed my foot on the corner of the piano, too distracted by those thoughts to pay attention to where I'd been pacing. Muttering violent curses under my breath, I hopped to the bench and sat down. My big toe was throbbing, despite having been somewhat protected by the shoes I'd been wearing. _This'll teach me to pay attention, won't it?_ As I waited for the discomfort to subside, I glanced around the room. After this morning's experience, I saw it with new eyes.

It hadn't really changed since the day I'd arrived. Just the piano, my cello and a few bits of furniture that had likely been here since the last owner of this suite. And the other rooms were much the same. Sparse and devoid of anything personal or uniquely made for me. Almost as if I weren't truly living here. Having seen Loki's suite- which reflected the man no less perfectly than any mirror- I was acutely aware how lacking mine was by comparison. Maybe I ought to make a few changes in here.

_What happened to your plans to leave Asgard? After all, that was the whole reason you weren't doing anything with this suite. Does that mean you're going to stay? _

It was true- I hadn't intended to stay. I'd even told Frigga that first day that I meant to leave. But then Loki had swept in with his offer of friendship and I'd forgotten about that plan. Honestly…abandoned it. And if I wasn't going to build a new life somewhere else, I should make a better effort building one I had here. Perhaps if this place was more of a personal sanctuary instead of an impersonal cell, I'd feel safer here and the nightmares wouldn't be so bad. I'd start asking around about furniture and the like tomorrow. Today, I had other plans.

I stood up from the bench, grabbed my cello and left the room. Rather than play in here, I thought I'd try the palace conservatory. The acoustics were better and it had a large collection of music. Playing the favorites of my current repertoire was still fun, but I thought maybe to add to it with some new ones. First I had to get there, though. Lugging the cello was turning into quite the ordeal, and I thought fondly of when Thor had carried it for me the whole way from Danethar's.

_I wonder if they've razed the house yet, _I thought suddenly. _Haven't been to that part of the city since._ Yet another thing I'd been meaning to see to, but got pushed aside while I'd been so distracted by the ongoing drama with Loki. I was going to need to work harder to balance the time I spent with him against other things I wanted to do with my life. I couldn't expect our friendship to be everything, and I was sure that he didn't, either.

The conservatory was empty when I finally arrived. The walk had taken ten minutes at most, but it felt twice as long carrying such an awkward instrument. I set it down, grateful to give my arms a break, and found a chair to sit on while I practiced. From there, I wandered over to the wall of drawers and shelves containing the palace's collection of music. It was as intimidating as much as it was impressive. I chose a composer at random and flipped through the sheaves until I found pieces written for cello. A few of them caught my eye, so I pulled them out and brought them over to the stand.

Before I could even get to those, though, I needed to warm up. Or at least that's what I told myself to avoid having to sight-read new music. I _hated_ sight-reading, preferring to memorize and play without having to stare at the black and white pages. To me, putting music on paper seemed like a cage, and detracted from its fundamental purpose. Music was meant to be felt. But then, if no one wrote it down, it wouldn't be here for me to play and might be lost forever. I'd accept the good with the bad, but only reluctantly.

The bow rosined and all set to play, I launched into a few exercises to limber up my fingers. Lucky for me, I hadn't damaged it during the argument with Loki. Finding a new one would have been an annoyance. The exercises finished, I played a few favorites before turning to the pieces I'd selected to learn. More stalling, of course. But eventually I ran out of excuses, and so I opened the first and studied the notes. Didn't seem too difficult- no more than any other I'd learned already. Softly, I hummed the tune as my right hand picked through the positions needed to produce the right sound on my cello. The left one drew back and forth in mid-air, marking time and getting a feel for the rhythm.

Fifteen minutes or so later, I was willing to put it all together. While not perfect, the first few attempts weren't overly disastrous. And after working through the trickier sections a few more times, I felt I was making progress. All the better when I didn't need to look at the pages and could feel the music through the instrument instead. I kept on for quite a while before I set the bow down, satisfied.

"That was beautiful," came Birgitta's voice from the doorway.

I tried not to be startled at the unexpected intrusion and turned to face her. Or rather, them, as it turned out. The Lady was with several others I didn't recognize right away. Saw Marie, but beyond her I didn't recall having ever met the rest. That wasn't to say that I hadn't; I probably did, but hadn't bothered to pay attention long enough to retain their names. From their expressions, they all knew me, though. Not a surprise to me after what Hearde had told me the other day.

"Ladies," I greeted them neutrally. "I take it you came here to make use of the conservatory. I was just finishing if you give me a moment to gather my things."

"You don't have to stop on our account," Birgitta protested. "We came only to browse the collections and come up with some ideas for an upcoming event."

"An event you say," I felt bound to ask.

"We're trying to raise interest in cultural pursuits among the women in our part of the city. Last month we sponsored an exhibition of several local artists. This month we're focusing on music. Lady Kendry, Jorra and I have thought to host a concert, but were having trouble thinking of where to start. None of us play, so it's not that easy to find performers."

I heard the pause in her voice and knew what was coming next before she had the chance to say it.

"Would you consider playing for us, Lilith? The cello is such a lovely instrument, and I'm sure everyone would love to hear it played so well."

I wanted to say no. The only thing I disliked more than sight-reading was performing in public. Always, I came down with the worst case of stage fright. When I'd tried to play a concert as a child, the attempt had ended with me freezing onstage before an audience of Lords and Ladies of Asgard. I had no wish to repeat that experience if I could help it. But Birgitta and the others looked at me so hopeful that I'd agree that it felt small and selfish to disappoint them. Maybe if I warned them…

"Don't let my practicing fool you. I'm not as good when I'm in front of crowds. There'd be a good chance no one would hear more than a wretched tangle of notes- if they heard anything at all."

"It wouldn't be a big event," Lady Kendry or Jorra- I wasn't sure who was who- assured me quickly. Apparently, they weren't so easily discouraged. "A dozen or so ladies at the most."

"I don't think that'll make much of a difference…"

"Please? Won't you consider it at least?"

"When were you planning to hold the concert," I asked with a sigh.

"A week from today."

"I'll think about it and give you an answer by tomorrow."

All four of them were immediately smiling, as if it was already decided I would help. Perhaps it already was, since I had a feeling I wouldn't be saying no. _What trouble have you gotten yourself into now,_ I asked myself as they took their leave of me. _The only time you were able to play in front of anyone was when you practiced with 'Ilsa'_.

Now _there_ was an idea. I might be able to do this if I somehow conned Loki into performing with me. Couldn't hurt to ask him. For now, though, I was finished with any thoughts of music. They moved onto something I'd been considering lately- Thor had suggested I try my luck with Sif about weapons lessons. The more I'd thought about it, the more I was interested to find out how that might go.

_Why don't I go find out?_

The afternoon was still quite warm, despite the lateness of the season. Sif sat out on one of the benches in the training yard, enjoying the sun. She'd already stood her share of guard duty at the West gate today, and since Heimdall had ordered her to stay away for at least another week she didn't have much else to do with her afternoon. Even Thor had deserted her, volunteering to accompany Timar to the Bifrost before she could even suggest something to do. No doubt he was trying to avoid the same thing as her brother- more speculation on Loki and Lilith. Well, Sif couldn't help it. Now that she had figured out what was going on between them, she wanted to see how it would end. Thor and her brother were the only people she could talk to about it. At least if she didn't want to meet a gruesome end at the hands of the God of Mischief.

Just then, she saw Lilith enter the yard. Alone. Sif watched as she cast her gaze around the place, as if looking for something or someone. Thor, perhaps? In any case, when the woman spotted Sif as the one person in the yard, she turned her footsteps to join her. _Guess she's decided I'll do for the time being._ Would be interesting to find out what she did want.

"Hello there, Lilith. What brings you back to the training yard today? Looking for your cousin?"

"Nope. I'm here to talk to you."

She sat next to Sif on the bench, crossing one ankle over her knee and draping an arm over the back. Compared to the last time she'd been here, Lilith looked far more comfortable. Not just with being in the yard, but with herself as well. Sif approved of the change, wondering if Loki had anything to do with it.

"So," she began with a smile. "What're we talking about?"

"Lessons. I want lessons in weapons combat. Maybe even hand-to-hand as well. Thor said you might be willing to teach me."

"Now that's strange. I seem to recall you telling me you wanted nothing to do with fighting. 'Not a warrior', were the exact words if I'm not mistaken."

"Yeah, okay, I suppose I deserve that," Lilith admitted with a shrug. "But that day was a little…weird...for me. I've had some time to think and have changed my opinion on the subject."

"Weird- yes, it most certainly was. I thought you were out of your mind when you chose the short knives for our match. But once we got going, I was wondering if I'd lost _mine_ for inviting you into the ring in the first place. Crossing you when you're angry is not wise, Lilith."

"I was just as surprised as you, Sif. Was sure I'd lose the match, no contest. No idea what came over me."

Sif was certain she knew what had tipped Lilith's chances. Most Asgardian women didn't train as warriors, afraid of being wounded and the pain that came with it. Not Lilith. When Sif's knife scored her arm, she'd merely gotten angry and fought back. The months with Danethar likely had a lot to do with that. Saying so was a tricky thing, though, since she didn't want to bring up bad memories for her old friend.

"What?" Lilith queried sharply.

"It's nothing."

"It's something. Go on and say it. I'm so _sick_ of people who won't talk to me."

She sounded sincere enough. Sif tried to look at it from Lilith's point of view. Perhaps they were all erring in the assumption that she didn't want to talk about Danethar. Leaning forward on the bench, she tried to phrase her theory the best way she could.

"I think you've decided you've taken enough hits and want to give some back. You didn't really fight back until I scratched your arm."

Lilith considered the words silently for several minutes. The stillness on her face made Sif more than a little nervous. Then she nodded.

"Yes, I suppose you could be right. I never fought back against Danethar. Well, that sure didn't stop me from getting hurt, did it? So I might as well learn something that might even the odds next time someone thinks I'm easy prey."

The glint in Lilith's eye was not to be taken lightly. Sif didn't want to picture what might happen to the poor fool who crossed a line with the woman. Especially if she agreed to train her to use weapons. He could end up maimed or worse. Did she want to be responsible if someone died over a misunderstanding? On the other hand, did she want to deny her friend the tools to protect herself from a potential threat? She decided to take her chances with the former.

"Well, if that's the case, you've come to the right place. I'd be happy to teach you. When'd you think you wanted to begin?"

"Now's good. If that's fine with you."

_Well, she certainly does leap into things once she's made up her mind, doesn't she? _ Sif laughed, slapping the bench with her palm.

"You don't waste time, do you?"

"Not anymore," Lilith replied with a small smile.

"Well then, let's get you on your way to whomping the rest of the company next time we have a contest. I'd love to see you give Timar a good set-down." She paused before pushing her luck to open the subject of Loki. "Who knows, maybe you'll get good enough to best your cousin or that arrogant Jotun."

"Oh I don't think I could ever…"

"Why not?"

"Learning is one thing, but to think I could take on…Sif, I won't ever have the physical strength needed to match either of _them_ in a real contest. I mean, you saw as well as I did when they squared off against one another the other week. There's no way…"

Yeah, Sif had seen a whole lot during that particular match. But rather than bring up that, she pushed forward with the debate at hand.

"Winning isn't always about who's stronger. There are plenty of ways to use an opponent's strength against him. How do you think Loki wins as often as he does? It's as much about cunning and understanding how to take advantage of an opportunity as it is about who can swing a weapon the hardest."

"Still…that seems an ambitious goal to aim for."

"Maybe I should insist you take lessons with him, too," Sif suggested thoughtfully. "I'm sure you could learn quite a bit from his style once you've got the basics down."

Lilith's expression was telling. _How in the Hel is the Jotun unaware of something so obvious?_ Sif saw barely disguised interest flicker in her eyes when the woman considered the idea. In the silence that stretched out between them, she watched the woman argue with herself why she couldn't possibly want to do anything that would encourage physical contact with him. That and something else she couldn't quite name. As Sif expected, Lilith hid it all beneath a mask of denial when she did answer.

"Oh I don't think he'd want to…or that I ought to ask. Besides, he was already arguing about my coming to ask you when Thor brought up the subject. I doubt he'd be any more receptive to get involved _personally_."

"Arguing? What for?"

"Who knows," she said with a dismissive wave of her hand. "He said something about it bringing up uneasy feelings to be so close to warriors, but I know that wasn't the truth."

"So he lied."

Lilith chuckled lightly. "Obviously."

"And that doesn't bother you?"

"It probably should, I know. And I'm sure it bothers most people. But no, it doesn't. It is who he is. No different than I am who I am."

Well, wasn't _that_ interesting? Sif ventured a little further.

"You sound like you know him well."

"We're friends," the woman admitted with a noncommittal shrug.

"Friends? Sounds like maybe there might be more to it…"

"_Just_ friends, Sif. Nothing more."

Which was exactly what she'd told Thor Lilith would say if pressed about it. Sif was only mildly disappointed to be right. After all, if they were going to be practicing often, she could always try again later. Eventually, Lilith would cave in. In the meantime, she might as well get started with what she came here for in the first place.

"Well, that's quite the feat in and of itself, I'd say. Now why don't we see what you remember of the basics? Maybe one day soon you can convince your stubborn friend that his argument against all this is a foolish one."

"Maybe, but I won't be holding my breath."

Thor headed back to the palace, having spent the last half hour arguing with Timar about his assignment to guard the Bifrost. Since Heimdall told Sif she was forbidden to stand that post for another whole week, someone else needed to be there. They'd all been taking turns to fill in; today was Timar's. The warrior was cross over the matter because he had some plans with Birgitta. Or she had plans…whatever. No one else could be spared to stand the watch for him, so Thor had no choice. The plans would have to wait.

Not long after he left the Bifrost, he caught sight of his brother. Thor debated whether to call for his attention. All he really wanted to do was find himself down at one of the taverns to relax for the afternoon with an ale or two. Too late he realized Loki had already spotted him and was threading through the afternoon crowds in his direction. _So much for that ale. What does he want now?_ At least it didn't look as though his brother was in a confrontational mood. Thor hoped it would stay that way, having had his fill of arguments.

"Brother," he greeted Loki with a weary grin. "What brings you out this far- another chat with Heimdall?"

"Twice in one week would be a little more than I think the Watchman would like," he replied. "Or anyone else, I'd wager."

"Well, that's good news. I just left Timar on his doorstep and neither seemed too pleased about the arrangement."

"Yes, I'd heard that Sif has been relieved of her regular post, although I yet to get a firm answer as to why."

Thor wished back his careless comment about Timar, realizing that it opened the door to a conversation he'd been trying to avoid for several days now. Loki could speculate just as well as he could why Heimdall would have banned Sif from the Bifrost- namely that she had pestered her brother one time too many about his alleged feelings over Lilith. But he had yet to know that it could just as easily be because Asgard's watchman didn't want to hear more about Lilith's possible feelings for the god. Thor suspected that was far more frustrating, given that Sif had been adamant they couldn't say anything. In any case, the less Loki thought to ask questions about what she knew, the better.

"Way I heard it, the two of them had a bit of a falling out and need a bit of a break," he answered, hoping that would be enough to satisfy his curiosity.

"Seems to be her week for getting under everyone's skin."

"More true than I'd like. I was tempted to find some excuse to send her out of the city for a while to give us all a break."

Loki regarded him suspiciously.

"Just who _else_ has she been pestering- and about _what?_ Heimdall is one thing- and even you, brother. But I swear if Sif's been telling anyone _else_ about what I _think _she's been talking about…"

"Rest assured, Loki, she's spoken to no one about you and Lilith outside the three of us who already know." _Well, four, but I think maybe I'll just keep it to myself that I've brought this up with Timar._ "And doesn't plan to, either."

"She'd better not," Loki threatened. "I don't need anyone else getting ideas."

Thor shot him a dubious look. "Loki…surely you realize that she's not the only one who's beginning to notice, right? You can't expect to keep it a secret when the two of you spend so much time together lately."

With a dispirited sigh, his brother combed his fingers through his hair.

"I know, Thor, I know."

"If you don't tell Lilith soon, she's going to find out some way or another- either from someone else or on her own."

"It'll be soon enough. We're…making progress."

Thor caught the strange hesitation in his voice as he spoke. Since breakfast the other day, they hadn't really talked about how things were going between them. He could see for himself at meals that the two were growing closer as time passed, and how much happier they were for it. So he didn't pressure Loki about telling Lilith things that might jeopardize that happiness. The truths still needed to be told, but he couldn't say that this time wasn't necessary before she needed to hear it. Still, he was curious to hear what his brother had to say.

"Oh? Like what?"

"Little things, mostly. But one particularly large step forward- she was in my suite earlier."

"Your suite?" he repeated incredulously. "What brought that about?"

"I had a book that belonged to her and was giving it back. Instead of waiting in the hall, Lilith decided to come in." He paused again, looking somewhat bemused. "I didn't expect she would agree to it when I invited her. Quite the surprise to be wrong."

Two things he'd never expected to hear, all in the same speech. Firstly, that Loki had invited someone into his suite; and second, that Lilith had actually gone in. Loki's adamant need for privacy in his chambers aside, hers was the far more impressive obstacle to overcome. Thor shuddered mentally at the memory of what he'd seen in Danethar's room, and what Lilith must have gone through every time she was forced into it. Even the most innocent of invitations to enter another man's suite couldn't have been easy for her to accept. Yet she had. He was glad to hear that his cousin was overcoming what Danethar had done to her- and that his brother was the one to help her do it.

"Sounds like progress, indeed. I'm almost willing to forgive you about running off to the Terathan Falls. It would seem that misadventure has radically improved the dynamic between you two."

"I'm glad to hear you say so. The Allfather was of a similar mind this morning, and you might want to get used to more of the same."

"What do you mean," he demanded in alarm.

"He's willing to…overlook…a measure of mischief if it helps with Lilith's recovery," Loki answered with a wicked smile. "Consider yourself warned."

_Gods, Father, what have you unleashed on us all?_ But Odin must have had his reasons for something that sounded as crazed as this. All he could envision were the headaches he would have trying to keep control of his brother. And quite possibly Lilith. As Heimdall had pointed out the other day, she hadn't exactly protested when Loki suggested the ride to the Falls. She could turn out to be just as much of a handful as the God of Mischief himself. _And won't _that_ be fun?_ Thor recalled the other morning when Loki and Lilith had been debating some spell. With his newly granted freedom, his brother might actually use it…whatever it was. Reluctantly, he asked him about it.

"Like that enchantment Lilith didn't want you to try, I'm guessing."

"Have no fear, brother. She told me to pick on someone else with _that_ one, so you are safe."

"What _is_ it?"

"Never you mind. You'll see soon enough. Perhaps I'll test it out on Sif…as payback for her impertinence with me on the Bifrost."

"She didn't mean any harm, Loki. Just let it go. There's no need to do anything drastic."

The god merely shook his head and laughed, walking away before Thor realized he meant to end the discussion there. Likely to go make Sif very sorry she'd ever mentioned Loki's name in the same breath as Lilith's. And while he was annoyed with her for stirring up things better left alone, he didn't want to see anything happen to her. So he rushed after his brother, trying not to bump into people who blocked his path.

"Loki, wait up!" A woman crossed in front of him, her attention on the bundles in her arms. Thor nearly bowled her over in his haste to catch up. He mumbled distractedly under his breath, "Sorry, excuse me."

Not waiting for a reply, he was already on his way again. His brother was outdistancing him easily. At this rate, he'd surely arrive at the barracks before Thor could hope to warn Sif.

Neither of them reached the main buildings for the warriors, though. Sounds of weapons ringing against each other echoed off the stone buildings as soon as Thor came within earshot of the training yard. Odd, since no one had planned to be there today. He supposed he ought to check on it, since rescuing Sif was a lost cause. She was on her own with whatever mischief his brother had in mind. But when he reached the arched entrance, he was surprised to see Loki standing there. From his angle, he couldn't tell the expression he wore, but it seemed for the moment all thoughts of revenge had vanished.

"What's the matter," he asked quietly as he joined him.

Loki nodded mutely towards the bare swept ground where two women were engaging in a set of training moves. Facing them was Sif, whose concentration was so focused on her pupil that she didn't notice either of them. Thor's mouth went dry as he recognized the auburn braid of the woman with her back to the doorway. Lilith. He glanced aside to gauge Loki's reaction. His brother's thoughts were hidden beneath a closed expression. Not good. Not good at all.

"Loki…" he began, hoping to stem whatever storm was coming. "She'll be fine. She's…"

"Shut up," his brother hissed at him under his breath. "I don't want them to hear us."

Not sure whether he was more stunned by the rebuke or that Loki wasn't trying to put a stop to this, Thor clamped his mouth shut and crossed his arms. But as he watched Lilith and Sif work through ha series of feints and parries, his annoyance changed to interest. Seemed that Lilith had taken him up on his suggestion and sought the warrior out for lessons. He wondered how long that had been going on. _Likely not long if Loki didn't know about it._ Which he was pretty sure he didn't. Who knew what would happen when the two finished and he finally had his say. Or what Lilith might say in return.

A strange mixture of fear and excitement raced through him as he watched Lilith wielding the short knives. Of course she would have chosen the same weapon that she'd picked the day Sif had challenged her. Today was different, though. She and Sif were working on technique and the art of the weapons rather than a full on contest. They worked through a set of moves for a third time, gaining speed over the two previous attempts as Lilith grew more confident. Steel rang against steel as blades crossed and blocked. Both women were so focused that they hadn't noticed him or Thor.

He wasn't surprised that his brother had been concerned; they'd argued often enough on the subject of Lilith learning weapons. He just couldn't bear the thought that she might get hurt. But seeing it for himself…Loki was almost prepared to admit that Thor was right. Lilith was more than capable of handling Sif, and seemed to be enjoying herself. Not only that, but had been gifted with natural talent. Loki couldn't deny it was a pleasure to watch her, even though the worry that she'd somehow get injured still clawed at the back of his mind. The set ended, and he saw Lilith hold up a hand.

"I think that's done me in for today, Sif. If we go another round, I'm going to end up with one Hel of an ache in my shoulders come morning."

The other woman laughed boisterously. "Oh that's already a guarantee, Lilith. You better not have any plans to do anything tomorrow, because you're going to be sore like you wouldn't believe."

"Guess I won't be gardening, then."

"Not a chance. C'mon, let's get these put away before…" Sif trailed off as she noticed him, then muttered under her breath, "Oh now we're in for it."

"What?"

"We've got company."

Lilith glanced over her shoulder. When she saw him, her expression changed to a mix of bemusement and resignation- but not surprise.

"Yeah, somehow I knew it couldn't have been anyone else. So, are you going to give me a litany of reasons why I shouldn't have come here?"

"Wouldn't dream of it," he answered. "Surprised?"

"Little bit, actually. Wasn't it only a few days ago that you were dead set against the idea?"

He stepped away from the entrance and into the yard. Lilith shifted her feet to face his direction, adjusting her grip on the knives so they pointed at the ground instead of at him. While not exactly worried what she might do with them if she were truly annoyed, Loki couldn't help feeling somewhat grateful not to have this conversation at knife point. Behind her, Sif made a beeline for the weapons table, while Thor chose to amble up to her rather than get involved in their conversation. He was stalling, of course- noticing either of them just delayed his answer to Lilith's question.

"Okay, so maybe I was being a little stubborn," Loki admitted with a reluctant sigh.

"So does that mean this time I win? It's about time I got my turn, anyway."

"If I concede, will you let me walk you back to the palace without gloating about the victory?"

"Maybe."

"I suppose I'll take my chances, anyway. Fine- you win."

Lilith laughed to herself and turned to put away her weapons. She exchanged a few words with Sif- likely about when she'd be back- and bid them farewell. Loki waited for her to rejoin him, all the while trying not to think about what else the two women could discuss during these training sessions. How long would it take before Sif dropped hints about him? Thor was right; he was running out of time to tell Lilith the truth before someone else did it for him.

"So, back to the palace," Lilith said as she approached. Loki boxed up his worries and set them aside.

"After you," he insisted with a flourishing gesture towards the archway. With a teasing grin, he couldn't resist adding, "My Lady."

"Why you…" she shot an annoyed glare at him. "There's no need to be a sore loser."

"I don't know what you could possibly mean."

Lilith was not fooled by his innocent tone, but she was half-amused by it. Loki could see her trying to hold onto the glare even as laughter was threatening to dissolve it. But rather than start walking and muttering under her breath- as he expected- Lilith poked at his arm with her index finger.

"'Lady', indeed. Just for that, I may just regale you the whole way back about how wrong you were. We'll see how long it takes for you to learn not to call me that again."

He was a half-step behind her, unprepared that she'd reached out to him. Not the other way around. Up to now, she had always accepted his offers of physical contact, but hadn't made any of her own. And while this wasn't quite how he'd envisioned her first attempt, Loki was no less thrilled by it. He was getting that much closer. Triumph flashed in his eyes as he rushed to match her stride. Now he just needed to win back her good humor or she might actually follow through with that threat.

"There's no need for that, Lilith. I was only teasing…"

"Hmmm…how'd that work out for you?"

"I'm hoping in my favor, actually."

Now she did laugh. "You would, wouldn't you? Happiest when getting into trouble more often than not."

"Can I help it if mischief is so entertaining?"

"I rather doubt it." Her brows drew together in consternation. "And I can't be all that mad, seeing as though lately I'm inclined to find it no less so. What's the Midgardian phrase- something about a pot and a kettle, I think."

"So glad to hear that, because I plan on causing more just as soon as I come up with a worthy idea. I was even considering letting _you_ help."

"And you're trying to get thrown into the dungeons because…?"

"Oh nothing so nefarious that would give reason for that- just a few pranks to remind the Asgardians to keep on their toes. Why, I'd be performing a beneficial service, you could say."

"Or I could say you've lost your mind if you think the Allfather will be so enamored with such a plan."

"Won't know until I try it out, will I?" Lilith neither agreed nor argued with him, falling silent. All traces of humor and their bantering mood left her eyes, now solemn. "Lilith? What's the matter?"

"What if he _does_ imprison you for causing trouble? I'll visit you in the dungeons, but I'd be lying if I said that would make me happy. I wouldn't like seeing you there, Loki. I truly wouldn't."

The depth of worry in Lilith's tone hit him like a punch to the solar plexus, knocking the breath out of him. Of course, she couldn't know that Odin had given him permission to misbehave- and he didn't think it wise to tell her. So naturally, Lilith would expect that he would be punished for making even a little trouble. Loki just hadn't expected her to take it quite so seriously, and was tempted to believe the worry was more than that of a friend.

_Don't read into things that aren't really there,_ he admonished himself. Just because she had a strong reaction to the idea didn't mean that it had anything to do with having more than platonic feelings for him. Still, Loki was extremely pleased by the idea that Lilith was not only worried, but also that she had said so. Even if it did put a bit of a wrinkle in his plans for getting her to help stir up a bit of mischief in the city. Once his voice worked again, he offered her something to ease her concerns.

"Suppose I promise not to do anything that would put me in a prison cell?"

"That's a big promise," she said quietly. "Are you sure you can keep it?"

It was, and Lilith had every right to be skeptical. Ordinarily, he wouldn't have done such a thing. Loki certainly hadn't promised this much to anyone else- even to Frigga; not and _meant_ it, anyway. Oddly enough, he did this time, and wanted to be sure that Lilith understood that he was serious. The crowded street wasn't the place for that, so he maneuvered them to a sheltered niche between two buildings and circled in front of her. In the most sincere tone he could find, Loki answered her question.

"I promise- no matter what I do, you won't ever have to visit me through prison bars. And may the Norns strike me down if I break it."

Lilith was silent for several minutes, visibly stunned. To call upon the Norns was a grave thing, even for him. When at last she replied, her words were spoken just as seriously as his were.

"See that you don't or the Norns will be the least of your worries."

Taken aback at the ferocity in her tone, Loki was almost daunted to ask what she meant. But he had to know.

"Do I dare ask what would be worse than Hel? I don't think you could do much of anything once I'm sent there."

"You seem to be forgetting my gates," she replied ominously. "I'm sure I could build one that would reach into Hel, if I was motivated to."

She was right; the Norns were small concern compared to Lilith experimenting with gates into Hel. He couldn't be responsible for what might happen to her if she actually succeeded, the consequences too terrible to contemplate. What if she couldn't get out again?

"Please don't, Lilith," he insisted, gripping her shoulders in his hands to keep them from trembling. "_Promise_ me you won't ever try to do that."

"I promise only so long as you keep yours."

He sighed heavily, knowing that was the best he was going to do. Lilith had just taught him a very valuable lesson; no matter how high of stakes he set out, she could always beat them. In the future, he'd know better than to force her hand. But since he already had in this case, he was just going to have to avoid any serious trouble somehow. No doubt Odin would be thrilled, although perhaps not as much when he found out what Lilith planned to do if he failed to keep his promise.

"I will."

Loki tried to put all of that out of his mind as they resumed walking towards the palace. Even so, several minutes passed before either of them spoke.

"So I guess now probably wouldn't be the best time to ask for a favor," Lilith mused almost to herself.

"What favor?"

"Lord Timar's wife managed to cajole me into playing my cello for an event of hers- long story. Anyway, I was rather hoping I could convince you to join me."

Glad for anything to help him allay his fears about the bargain they'd just struck, Loki was willing to do just about anything. It helped that he'd been hoping to bring up the subject of music with Lilith now that he didn't have to fear that it would reveal his secret about 'Ilsa'. He'd missed the hours they'd spent together in the conservatory.

"What sort of event?"

"They're holding a concert for ladies in the warriors' quarter of the city, and I more or less promised to play for them. Thing is, I_ loathe_ performing in front of crowds."

"Then why did you agree?"

"I don't know," she admitted with a frustrated growl. "Seemed like a worthy cause and they didn't have anyone else to ask. But I _did_ say yes and it's going to be one miserable concert if I get stage fright."

"But why would you worry about that? You play so well."

"Yeah, alone. Not in front of people."

"I don't recall it being a problem when you played in front of me."

"Hence the favor I mentioned," Lilith pointed out. "I thought perhaps if I wasn't by myself, I might get through it. But I'd understand if you'd rather not. It's not an important event or anything…"

"I'd love to," he interrupted her. "I haven't gotten to play for an audience in a great while. Besides, it gives me an excuse to see if you remember any of the duets I taught you."

"Yes…" she answered with a wry smile. "I guess it does, doesn't it?"


	35. Chapter 34: Discovery of Fire

Time flew by, and the day of the concert arrived much faster than I would have liked. Between the garden, trying to get my suite furnished and practicing, I couldn't recall the last time I had a free moment. If only all that activity left me too worn out at night for dreams; the nightmares didn't care how exhausted I was. Of the past three nights, Loki had to wake me twice. Last night had been the most difficult, and I hadn't gotten any sleep since he pulled me out of that nightmare. Which was probably why Loki kept darting worried glances at me whenever he thought I wasn't looking. I could keep him silent, but not blind.

In truth, my mind was too preoccupied with other thoughts to spare any for whatever he might be thinking about my nightmares. Primarily on the bargain Loki and I had made on the way back from the training yard. I don't think either of us intended the conversation to veer so drastically off course. But then, he'd started it all with that promise not to get into serious trouble with the Allfather. Or maybe I had, by bringing up how worried I was that he'd end up imprisoned again. Either way, I hardly expected him to take it seriously enough to promise anything serious in return.

_But he did. Not just promised- he _swore_ upon the Norns to uphold it._ For the millionth time, I had to wonder why. _Why did he have to go _that_ far? Suppose he can't keep his promise- even if he does try? _And that thought spurred me to make a promise of my own. Building a gateway into Hel itself…it was hardly the most rational thing I could have said. But I knew if the Norns sent him to that realm, I wasn't going to stand by and let it happen if I could change it. What I hadn't expected was the fear I'd seen in Loki's eyes when I gave him that ultimatum. The God of Mischief. Scared. I didn't think I'd ever known him to be scared of _anything_.

"Lilith? Are you paying attention?"

_Nope._ I didn't even attempt to lie, knowing it would be futile.

"Sorry, my mind wandered. Where were we?"

"Trying to come up with a program for tonight. You _do_ remember that the concert is this evening, right?"

"Ugh, don't say it," I muttered, leaning forward to rest my elbows on the piano. I bent my head to my wrists, hair falling across my eyes.

"Oh come on," Loki said as he brushed the strands back from my face. "It won't be that bad."

I batted his hand away lightly, unwilling to be swayed into thinking this wasn't going to be a disaster. It was my childhood recital all over again. All morning a pit of dread had been growing in my stomach. Probably wouldn't eat all day for fear I might throw up. Didn't matter that during practice this whole week everything had gone perfectly. The minute I stepped on that stage, I was going to lose it.

"I never should have agreed to this. What was I thinking?"

From behind the safety of my curtain, I heard him sigh. The same sigh he'd given me every time I made this speech. Usually it was followed by a lecture about how everything would be just fine. Not this time. Instead, Loki grabbed a fistful of the back of my tunic and dumped me unceremoniously on the piano bench. I sat there, sputtering in surprise and annoyance.

_Since when did he start thinking he could do _that, I snarled inwardly. Loki must have seen my pique, but I beat him to whatever he'd been about to say.

"What the Hel was that about!?"

"A necessity, since I needed you to just listen for once."

"I _was_ listening."

"No you weren't; you were wallowing in self-pity and doubt, and I'm getting tired of it."

"Excuse me? Tired of it," I repeated, temper flaring. "Well I beg your pardon that I'm nervous about making an idiot of myself in front of an audience."

"See, that's what I'm talking about. You keep saying that, but if you'd just stop worrying about _them_ you'd realize you'll do fine. You've got the talent. We both know that. So to Hel with what anyone else thinks. Just play."

And just like that, he'd managed to cut the legs out from under my anger. If he hadn't been trying to help, I'd have resented him for it. I let out a breath with a disgruntled huff before giving him a wan smile.

"You know, sometimes I really _hate_ it when you're right."

"But surely you agree that I _am_ right."

"Do you really need to hear me say the words," I complained. "That's by far the worst part."

Loki sat on the bench next to me, an impish light dancing in his eyes, matching a smile that was nothing short of wicked. Did he have any idea what that look did to a person? I hoped not, since it robbed me of speech and sent my pulse racing. I glanced down at the piano keys in an effort to hide my reaction from him. _Don't make this complicated, Lilith. Just keep it simple._ As if anything with him was _ever_ simple. I didn't need to go making it worse, though.

"Tell you what," I heard him say. "I'll settle for one last run-through of the duet we'll play tonight. You know the one I mean."

I certainly did. The one he taught me as 'Ilsa'. We'd played it once or twice in the last few days, though not at the same instrument. I had a feeling this time, he meant to play it as we first had all those weeks ago. The nerves in my stomach had changed to butterflies, remembering. Had my attraction for Loki begun there? I wondered if on some level, I hadn't been fooled by his disguise.

"All right," I agreed as I buried those unsettling thoughts to examine later. Like when he wouldn't be so likely to notice. "Seems like a fair trade."

We played. The worries about the impending concert- and confusion about my feelings for Loki- were swept away. Nothing remained but the music. Melody and counter-melody; harmonies all blending as fluidly as water. The sound was so much different when we played this way, even though the notes hadn't changed. I felt it, even as the song faded away. And perhaps I wasn't the only one; Loki seemed equally affected. When our gazes met, I wasn't quite sure what to make of what I saw in his eyes.

"Lilith, I…" he began haltingly.

When he said no more after that, I dared risk prompting him to continue. "Yes?"

"I think I've changed my mind- one piano for the concert instead of the pair."

_That's not what you were going to say, though, was it,_ I thought to myself. Not a lie, but it hid the truth all the same. What hadn't he been able to say? Because I wasn't sure I was any more prepared to hear the answer, I pretended that I hadn't noticed the misdirection on his part.

"Well," I replied with a game smile. "I'm sure the pages setting up for the concert will be thrilled to hear that. I doubt they looked forward to moving both of these to Mayfair Hall."

"Oh, I thought you'd heard- the concert's been moved here."

"It's been what?"

"Birgitta spoke to Frigga about it yesterday," he explained in genuine surprise. "The hall on Livery Street couldn't host the number of guests expected."

"You must be kidding. I saw it just last week and the auditorium seemed just fine for a dozen ladies or so." I paused to stare at him, that sinking feeling in my midsection returning full-force. "Loki…just how many people will be at this thing tonight?"

"Not that many," he lied.

Far from angry that he dared to cover up the truth, I was grateful that he'd tried to divert my attention away from further panic over the guest list. Although, he might have been a bit more convincing if he had been able to keep a straight face when he did it. I ran my fingers through my hair and let out a slow breath to remain calm. When I thought I could manage it, I answered him.

"Thanks. I needed that, and I'll even pretend it's true until I get there."

Loki merely laughed, while I moved on to other thoughts. Thoughts that were no less unpleasant than the previous subject, but required my attention nonetheless. Holding the concert here in the palace meant one very important thing- I couldn't very well perform in the sort of clothes I was used to wearing lately. Not even the nicer outfit I'd planned for the hall. There would be no help for it; I would have to wear a dress. I couldn't suppress the outward sigh at the idea, which Loki noticed.

"What now?"

"I just realized that I have a need to go dress shopping, since I'm pretty sure this…" I pinched the sleeve of my tunic, "won't be welcome attire for this evening."

"Wear what you want, Lilith. It's the music they're coming to see."

"And just what were you planning to wear, then? Your everyday clothes?"

"Well…"

"That's what I thought. That settles it; I'm wearing a dress or we'll both look ridiculous. Do I even need to inquire as to the color, or should I just assume you'll be in some variation of your usual green and black?"

"That would be a given, but you should choose your own color. Anything you want would be fine."

"Shows what you know," I replied with a bemused smile. "It would serve you right if I showed up tonight wearing a hideous gown of bright orange. So damned blinding, I might add, that the only way you'd be able to play was if the keys were fitted with braille labels."

Neither of us could hold in the laughter at that image, and I was near out of breath before the fit subsided. Loki wasn't faring much better, from what I could tell. When he was able to speak, his words were still strained with the effort not to start up again.

"For the sake of everyone's ears- not to mention their eyes- please don't. I wouldn't believe you could find such a dress in Asgard, but I wouldn't put it past you to try."

I only smiled and he shook his head.

"Lesson learned- that's the last time I suggest anything to do with ladies' fashion when I'm around you."

"I knew you'd see it my way." With a slight push against the piano, I rose from the bench. "Well, if I'm going to find anything, I'd best get moving. On the day of such a large event, I'll be lucky if I find anything decent. No doubt most ladies have already picked over the best selection."

"Just as well to end it here, anyway. I have an appointment this morning," he returned with a reluctant shrug. Whatever the appointment, he didn't seem to look forward to it. "I'll see you at the midday meal, or were you dining out in the city?"

"Depends how fortunate I am. I pray to be back no later than this afternoon."

For a second or two, we stood awkwardly silent- as if we were waiting to do something, but I couldn't figure out what. Loki was the first to break the moment, and took a step backwards to the door. His hand closed on the latch as he pushed it open.

"I wish you luck, then, and will hope to see you back soon."

"Same to you- with your appointment, that is."

He smiled, if a bit ruefully, and nodded. "Until later, then."

And then he was gone. I couldn't help feeling that I'd missed something. But I shook myself out of it with a reminder that today was a long day. If I were to be ready for this evening, I'd need to hurry. Up to my suite quick to grab what I'd need for dress shopping, then out to the city.

_Let's just hope I actually find something that will do._

_ Should have just told her, _he thought with a self-deprecating sigh. _Was so close after the duet but just couldn't do it. I can't keep putting this off anymore._ And he truly couldn't. Lilith was as ready to hear what he had to say as she was ever going to be. The past four days had taught him that well enough. But every time he tried to bring up the subject, a voice in the back of his head begged him not to ruin the relationship he already had with her. That small, frightened part of him that was convinced the truth would tear Lilith away from him for good. And so the words stuck in the back of his throat every time. _Will just have to try again._

For now, he had a job to do, and needed to get into the right mindset for it. Sessions with Danethar required his utmost concentration and focus- not to mention determination. The closer Loki got to the dungeon's lowest level, the more tightly his jaw clenched. He could do this. Just another seventy-three days. He could do this for Lilith.

No sounds greeted him at the bottom of the stairs; the wretch's whimpers were too quiet to be heard much beyond the cell bars. At least for the time being. Soon enough, they'd increase in volume dramatically. Question was, what would he have in store for Danethar today? They'd already run the gambit of methods he knew to torture someone without inflicting any permanent, serious injury. Too many days yet to cause wounds that couldn't be undone with a simple healing. As Loki stared at the miserable excuse for a warrior sobbing in his cell, he longed for the end was near enough to unleash some of the more severe punishments that he'd been saving.

"Rise and shine, Danethar," he announced in a falsely cheerful tone. "Time you faced another day." _Time we both did._

The man's back was to him. Amusing that he could think that curling into a ball would make him any less visible- any less _vulnerable_. He didn't have time today to wait for his pathetic ward to obey him, though. With the concert this evening and other things to see to before then, this visit would need to be straight to business. Loki drew open the door and grabbed Danethar's tattered collar to pull him into the main dungeon room.

"I expect you to obey me when I give you an order. You know how to take orders, don't you, Danethar? I'd hate to think I needed to remind you again that in this place, you're not the one who gives them anymore."

No answer- just hoarsely whispered prayers to the gods. He leaned closer, as if trying to make out the words. Really, it was an excuse to give the man a violent shove, sending him tumbling to the stone floor. Weakened by their daily sessions and the barest sustenance offered to prisoners, Danethar failed to prevent the jarring impact as his knees and hands slammed into the ground. Nor could he hold in a cry of pain. For good measure, Loki landed a solid kick to his ribs. Danethar coughed up blood onto the granite beneath him.

"I wouldn't be calling on the gods if I were you. No telling what fate _they're_ planning for you once _I'm_ finished. Besides, you'll be seeing them soon enough."

Danethar coughed again, holding an arm across his belly. For a moment, he almost gained back the arrogant spark he'd had in the beginning as he muttered nastily, "Unless you plan on killing me today, that time can't come soon enough."

"I'm impressed. A whole coherent sentence. That's more than you've managed in the last week."

"Kill me, you Jotun bastard," he said trying to stagger to his feet again. "I've paid whatever debt you think I owe for Lilith. So just _kill_ me already."

"Perhaps _you_ think so, but my reckoning still carries a balance. Have no fear, though. Today will lighten it a bit more. Or a lot more. I haven't quite decided yet."

And just like that, Danethar's courage slipped away from him again.

"Please…don't."

_Ah, the begging already._

"Why shouldn't I?"

"I can't take it anymore…not another day of this madness."

"Not a very smart thing to do- lying to the God of Mischief. Just for that…" he trailed off, thinking. At last, an idea struck him about what to do with the miserable cur today. "Perhaps we'll experiment with a new enchantment I've been studying. Very early development so far, so I'm not even sure I know how to stop it yet. I guess you'll find out, won't you?"

Baring his teeth in a malicious smile, he drew from his power and concentrated on the words of the enchantment. A fire spell, and one he'd only found by accident. Well, he'd gone looking for it on purpose, but only after reading about it in the book series Lilith had recommended to him. The Midgardian author certainly had given him plenty of ideas, and most of them useful when dealing with Danethar. This particular enchantment had only been an illusion in the book; for his purposes, realism would be far more effective.

"What's say we take the damp chill out of your bones, Danethar? After so long with only the cold stone and iron, I'm thinking a fire would do wonders to improve your outlook."

The wretch scrambled backwards, trying to escape. Honestly, he should know better by now that escape was impossible. When he bumped into the leg of the table, Danethar froze, eyes wide in terror. What did he fear more- the threat of fire, or Loki himself? No matter; the terror was the important thing. Loki's spell matured, igniting the careworn fabric of Danethar's sleeves and pants in curling flames. The man shrieked, trying desperately to extinguish them. It would do him no good; the bewitched fire would burn until Loki chose to put it out.

The former warrior's clothing gave him little protection, and soon flames raced over bare flesh. The shrieks turned to screams. Loki merely watched with feigned disinterest as the man was consumed by the heat. Consumed but not burned. Unlike regular fire, this one did little damage on the surface. Rather, it was absorbed into the deeper tissues…almost like being roasted alive. The tongues of flame were mostly for aesthetics- something pretty to look at while he marked the time.

As the minutes passed, Danethar's screams subsided as incomprehensible gurgles. The enchantment had taken its toll. Even what few brain cells the man had must be bubbling by now. Reluctantly, Loki let the spell fade, not wanting to turn his prey into an empty-eyed, witless shell. Not yet. Torturing him did little good if he wasn't cognizant enough to understand what was being done to him. The flames flickered and went out, leaving in their wake only the faint odor of seared flesh.

_Best take care of that, or the rats might gnaw on him while he sleeps._ Not only that, but it would likely rot very quickly, and that wouldn't do at all. _I just hope I _can _reverse it._ What he'd told the wretch before wasn't entirely a lie. Having not experimented with this enchantment yet, he didn't know if he could heal the damage it did. _Might as well try at least._

Changed into clothes meant for a day in the city, I stepped out into the hallway to be on my way again. And like so many times lately, I swore I heard the whispery sounds of a voice crying through the corridor. Sometimes I heard them in the morning; sometimes the afternoon. Always coming from the direction of the other staircase near Frigga's suite. Never found the time to find out where it went or whose voice was at the end of it.

_Nor do you have time to do so today,_ I reminded myself. But for some unfathomable reason, the caution that usually kept me from investigating was silent today. I took a step- then a few more- towards the staircase, ears straining to parse out any of the words. They were too faint. Before I knew it, I was at the entrance to those spiraling stairs, looking down into the gloom. My foot hovered over the empty air above the first step.

_You need to find a dress for the concert, _my sense of responsibility insisted.

_I need to know what this is all about,_ I argued stubbornly as I took the first step.

The staircase descended along curved walls, seeming to go on forever. When I at last reached a small flat landing, I was grateful to stop for a minute. All that circling had given me a bit of vertigo. Once it passed, I noticed an archway next to the landing. Into the darkness beyond, I barely made out a series of locked doors. Cells. _Gods of the Allfather- the staircase leads to the palace dungeons._ After a pause for that to sink in, I added. _I really shouldn't be here._

I'd almost convinced myself to turn back when the voices I'd heard from the family wing floated up to me again. Louder this time, but still eerily distorted by echoes as they bounced off the stone walls around me. I ignored my own warning and pressed onward- deeper into the bowels of the palace. On my way, I passed several other landings, but the voices came from still further on. Then I saw a glimmer of torchlight flickering on the walls just ahead. Perhaps I'd reached the bottom at last. Likely so, since suddenly the voices grew clearer. I nearly stumbled the moment I recognized the one.

"What's say we take the damp chill out of your bones, Danethar," Loki suggested in a tone of quiet malevolence. "After so long with only the cold stone and iron, I'm thinking a fire would do wonders to improve your outlook."

I froze mid-step, unable to move as the import of what he said hit me. Danethar. He was still alive, despite everyone having told me he was dead. Even Loki confirmed he'd been executed. _He lied._ _Why- why did he lie?_ I recalled what Hearde told me about Danethar's final audience. The Allfather tasked Loki with executing him, he'd said. But as the sentence hadn't been carried out in public, everyone merely assumed that it had been taken care of weeks ago_. Hearde never said anything about the Allfather ordering a merciful execution, though. Or a quick one._

I counted back the days since I remembered waking up in the infirmary. At least twenty. Danethar had been captured shortly before that- a few days at the most. Did that mean Loki had been coming down here every day to…a piercing scream jarred me out of those thoughts. Danethar's. Despite the shiver that raced along my spine, my lips curved in an involuntary smile. I knew I shouldn't, but I edged carefully down the last few stairs. I had to see what the god was doing to him.

As silently as I could, I flattened my body against the stone wall and stretched just far enough to see into the room without being seen in return. My luck held; Loki stood with his back mostly to me, eyes focused on Danethar. As for the latter, he writhed frantically on the ground, engulfed by flames. Something struck me odd about those tongues that fluttered with every move the man made. I realized belatedly what I _wasn't_ seeing. Burns. The skin reddened and glistened with heat, but it didn't _burn_.

Clamping a hand over my mouth to stifle the shocked gasp, I recalled where I had seen this before. The third book we'd been discussing. Gods of the Allfather, Loki had replicated one of the illusion spells from the campground scene…only for real. He was actually cooking Danethar alive. I was still processing that thought when the flames sputtered and faded. Danethar lay whimpering and rocking himself. My gaze shifted back to Loki, who continued to stare impassively at the man. Then the look changed and he hauled Danethar to his feet.

"Well, I think that's enough for today. Let's get you fixed up for tomorrow."

"No!" the former warrior protested in desperation. To my eye, Danethar looked much different than the man I'd last seen over a month ago. Wasted away; mentally and physically broken. The terrorizing bully was no more. "Please, no. Just let me die. I beg you, Loki- let this be over."

"I told you before. It's over when I say it's over, and your debt is far from paid."

Danethar wept noiselessly as Loki released what I assumed was a dose of healing magic into him. The blistered skin took on a more normal hue. _Well, that explains how he's still alive after so long. If other days have been at all similar to this one, I suspect Danethar would have been otherwise long dead._ It was perhaps the darkest use of healing I could ever have imagined. Unlike Maddie, who only _felt_ as though she was healing injuries for her patients to get hurt again, Loki _knowingly_ healed injuries to ensure Danethar would survive another day of torture.

_I should disapprove. I should be horrified at discovering this._ I wasn't. Far from it.

As I watched Danethar tremble uncontrollably in Loki's grip, I felt only chilling satisfaction that he was getting what he deserved. What were twenty days when he'd been torturing women for _years_? Nothing. Even another twenty wouldn't bother me in the least. The God of Mischief led him towards the only cell on this floor and shoved Danethar inside. The latter landed on the floor with a bruising thump and a groan. Loki didn't seem to notice, or didn't care either way. I risked him noticing me as he turned around, but couldn't look away.

This Loki was very different from the one who spent time with me, or even the one seen by Odin, Frigga and Thor. This was the facet of him who was capable of the terrible things he'd done in Asgard and Midgard, and one I never forgot existed. I always knew he would carry a piece of that with him, no matter how else he might change. But how he chose to _use _it- that's what I was curious to see. I recalled the look on his face when he'd mentioned this appointment in the conservatory. Dread and reluctant determination. And when Loki's back was turned on Danethar, his expression was no different- except perhaps more drawn and exhausted. Like a man who was given a task beyond his ability, but refused to let that stop him from doing it.

I didn't have the luxury of figuring out what it all meant, as he was headed for the staircase. Unless I wanted him to discover my presence, I best be going. Even as I climbed the stairs as quickly and silently as I could, I knew I had little hope of reaching the top before Loki would catch up with me. So when I reached the next landing, I stepped off into the darkness and crouched against the wall, hoping that he wouldn't notice me. My prayers were answered, and Loki didn't pause or glance in my direction as he continued up the staircase. I let out a relieved sigh after I was sure he was far enough away not to hear it.

A solid fifteen or twenty minutes crawled by before I resumed my own journey back to the family wing, having no desire for him to catch me when I emerged at the top. I stood there in the dark, contemplating what I'd just witnessed in the dungeon. Loki was torturing Danethar. Not for his own amusement or entertainment. That was obvious. From his final words and the look I'd seen on his face, he was in this just to see Danethar adequately punished for what he'd done.

_Specifically what he'd done to _you_, _whispered a voice in my head. I was tempted to return to that dungeon to confront Danethar myself. Just to find out how he'd suffered for his misdeeds. But I knew if I did, it would only alert Loki that I'd come down here. Somehow, I suspected he wouldn't like to find that out. He had his reasons for wanting to keep all this a secret. That strained look when he'd finished was likely one of them.

_How much longer does he intend to do this,_ I wondered. _I may want to see it go on for another twenty days…or longer, but what about Loki? Can _he_ go on like this?_ I worried that too many more days like this would be damaging to him- more so than to Danethar. It was one thing for that animal to suffer; it was quite another if doing this was hurting Loki. I couldn't let that continue. _How do you plan to stop it, though, if you don't want him to know you discovered his secret?_

I was quite stuck, and didn't like it one bit. Stuck and had no ideas how to get around the conundrum. Maybe after I found myself a dress to wear for the concert, I'd be able to think of something. Maybe not. But either way, I'd better get moving or I'd be woefully underdressed tonight. My footsteps carried me down the hallway of the family wing and down the stairs at its opposite end. I breathed another sigh of relief that I saw no sign of Loki the whole way.

Lunch was quiet today. Thor was surprised not to see Lilith when his brother walked in. Since the announcement about Birgitta's concert, they usually arrived together after practicing. So where was his cousin today? Loki sat at the table without a word to anyone, looking weary. He knew that look well enough; his brother had just come from the dungeons again. How much longer was he going to keep that miserable Danethar alive? At his point, he seemed only to be punishing himself. From his seat opposite them, Odin exchanged a worried look with Frigga. He did that often these days. But it was their mother who would broach the subject.

"A troubling morning, my son," she asked gently.

"Not at all, mother."

She didn't look like she believed him, but did not press Loki about it. He was determined not to burden any of them with whatever bothered him, so just as well leave it be. Instead, she changed the subject.

"As you say. How is Lilith today?"

"Well, she's not thrilled to hear about the change in venue for tonight's concert. I don't think she'll be volunteering for another of Lady Birgitta's concerts again any time soon."

"What's wrong with holding the event here rather than Mayfair Hall," Thor asked. "A stage is a stage. I fail to see the difference whether it's held here or there."

"It's not so much the stage, brother, but rather the number of guests to attend that appears to be the issue."

Their conversation paused as one of the pages slipped into the room carrying a message. Rather than hand it to Odin, the young boy brought it over to him and quickly exited. Thor glanced at the seal and tried not to sigh. Heimdall's. If this was another complaint about whoever was standing guard on the Bifrost today- or worse, about Sif- he was going to lose his patience.

"Begging your pardon," he said to Loki. "It seems Heimdall has sent me something. I guess I ought to read it, in case it's important."

"By all means. The Watchman gets quite snippy when his summons are ignored."

Without further comment on whatever _that_ meant, Thor broke the wax seal and began to read. The message was brief and terse. Trouble on Midgard. Serious trouble, and the Avengers were asking for his help to combat it. He glanced up at Odin, who seemed to know already that something was wrong.

"It's trouble on Midgard, father. H.Y.D.R.A. again. The Avengers are asking for my help to stop them. Can Asgard spare me for a few days?"

The Allfather contemplated his request for several minutes before replying. At first, Thor worried he would withhold his permission. Since Loki had been freed from the dungeons, Odin hadn't let him venture too far from where he could keep an eye on his brother. But with Lilith consuming most of the god's attention lately, perhaps it would be safe enough to leave him in her care. At last, his father spoke.

"You will be allowed to cross the Bifrost. See that this threat to Midgard is dealt with and return as soon as you can."

"Yes, Allfather."

"I suppose that means you'll be leaving immediately," said his brother.

"I'm afraid so. Give my apologies to Lilith about missing the concert. I'll be sorry to miss seeing you both perform this evening."

And he would. All week they'd been practicing, and Thor was more than a little curious to see what would come of it. He supposed he'd have to settle for a second-hand account from Timar or Sif. For now, he stood and grabbed a few things to eat on his way to the Bifrost. No telling when he'd get another meal, depending on the current situation on Midgard.

"I'll do that, Loki said. Just before Thor walked away, he added, "I hope you crush those H.Y.D.R.A. scum for good this time, Thor."

Surprised, he could only nod before hurrying out of the room. On the walk to the Bifrost, though, he was afforded plenty of time to ponder how strange it was to hear Loki wishing him luck in protecting Midgard. And perhaps it always would. Too many years of thwarting the God of Mischief's own schemes against that realm. But he had other things to worry about just now. Heimdall was waiting for him when he arrived on the bridge. The warrior looked quite grim as Thor approached.

"I expect it's bad if they're calling for me."

"Likely so. I'll open the bridge and send you on your way."

"While I'm gone, keep an eye on my brother. I'm sure Lilith can handle him just fine, but you never know."

"Aye, I will. Safe journey, Thor."

The link between Asgard and Midgard was made, sending him hurtling through space with incredible speed. He knew not how far the distance truly was- if it could be measured at all- but crossed it in a matter of seconds to arrive before the Avenger's headquarters in New York. Thor let himself in and took the elevator up to the floors reserved for official business, where the rest of the team would be assembled. Or so he hoped.

"JARVIS," he called aloud to the invisible caretaker of the Tower. "Where are they?"

"Main conference level," replied the polite, disembodied voice. "Second room on the left. I've already notified them that you are on your way."

"My thanks."

"At your service, Mister Odinson."

The elevator doors opened and Thor strode purposefully to the conference room. From behind the closed door, he heard the sounds of frustrated arguing. _Not going very well at all,_ he thought dismally. When he entered the room, Cap was delivering a terse speech to the Metal Man, who didn't seem to be paying much attention. No surprise there.

"We can't just do nothing and wait for them to strike again," the former insisted, leaning forward to brace his hands on the table top. "Next time it may not be so easy to counter their attack."

"Remind me. How, exactly, you expect to plan anything until Fury and his minions ferret out where H.Y.D.R.A. is camped in the city?"

Cap looked as though he might strangle someone- best candidate being Stark. Fortunately for him, everyone noticed Thor's arrival and promptly set aside the disagreement.

"Thor! Excellent to see you again," Bruce greeted him. "We weren't sure you'd be able to come, what with your brother and all."

"Yeah, how is Reindeer Games, anyway?"

_I am so glad Loki isn't present to hear that nickname repeated yet again. It would seem Stark has not lost his fondness for it._

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," he said aloud. "But I'll save all that for later. Right now I'd like to get caught up on what H.Y.D.R.A. is plotting."

"Spoilsport," the Metal Man pouted. Then he winked at Nat. "Why don't you fill him in while I fix myself another drink?"

She sighed irritably, but it was useless to argue with him about the necessity- or lack thereof- when it came to cocktails during a crisis. Nat directed Thor's attention to a virtual screen at the far end of the table and began.

"So, here's what we know so far…"


	36. Chapter 35: Dressed to Thrill

By the time I found myself on the streets of Asgard, the afternoon had already begun. Meaning I likely didn't have time to eat. Just to show its protest of the lack of proper meals, my stomach growled. No help for it- I'd have to wait until after the concert. As much as I'd like to procrastinate a while longer by ducking into a café, this was not the time to dawdle. Even if I _did_ find a dress, I'd still have to walk all the way back to the palace.

_Times like this I could use Loki's talent for teleporting,_ I mused enviously. Mid-stride, I was struck by a curious thought. _Who's to say I don't? My gates aren't that much different, really. So why _wouldn't_ I be able to create one to my bedroom just as easily as to Micharea?_ Just because I'd never tried, that didn't mean it wasn't possible. And since no one had told me I couldn't use my talent in Asgard, what was to stop me from attempting it now? Nothing, as far as I could see. _Dress first, though._

I spotted a shop that looked like it might sell a gown like what I had in mind. The overhead sign read 'Lady Coryn's Best Dressed'. With a reluctant sigh, I crossed the street and stepped inside. The sound of jingling bells startled me, until I realized it was a signal to let the proprietor know a customer entered the shop. Sure enough, a huge woman of fair height appeared from the back of the shop. I hoped that her current ensemble wasn't indicative of the sort of thing she sold, definitely nothing I'd because caught dead wearing. Puffs and frills. Everywhere. And with her girth, they only served to make her look that much…fuller. As I admonished myself for having such unkind thoughts, she smiled at me. Her eyes widened, then she pressed a hand to her ample bosom.

"Lady Lilith," the woman exclaimed in obvious delight. Of course it had been too much to hope I wouldn't be recognized. "I'm so pleased to have you in my establishment! What can I assist you with today?"

I gritted my teeth and let the subject of 'Lady' go. If I stopped to correct everyone today, I'd have no time to get the damned dress. So instead of doing what I wanted to do- namely, to turn around and leave- I bent my mouth into what I hoped was a smile.

"The palace is hosting a concert this evening, and I'm afraid I've been remiss in purchasing a gown to wear. Left it to the last minute. I was wondering what you might have in your collection."

She tapped her chin thoughtfully as her gaze swept up and down my body. If she knew her profession well- and I was sure she did- the merchant could likely guess what size dress I'd wear just by looking. Thank the gods, since I hadn't a clue to help her sort it out. When the woman finished measuring me up, she seemed disappointed.

"I may have one or two gowns that would fit you, but I'm not sure they'd do for such a formal event."

"Can I see them, anyway- just in case?"

"Of course." The shopkeeper shuffled over to a rack along the back wall and pulled out two dresses for my inspection. "Here we are."

She was right; they'd never do. Even if they'd been the color I was looking for, the cut of them was a bit too…daring…to wear for a concert. I might have gone as far as to say they weren't fit to wear in public in general. To be less critical, I'd say they would certainly show off more skin than I was used to- even when I'd worn gowns. _Pretty sure if I bent over in either of those, the whole audience would see the crack of my ass._ I barely managed to hold in the giggle at that thought. It didn't help when I added, _but then I wouldn't have to worry about what they thought of my musical performance, would I?_

The woman must have seen the look on my face and shook her head.

"As I said, these likely weren't what you were looking for. I'm afraid I sold most of my formalwear merchandise earlier this week and haven't had the chance to restock from my regular designers yet."

"I am not surprised to hear so, and expect to hear the same from others before this afternoon is out. I hope this teaches me a lesson about procrastinating."

"Never you mind that. I'm sure somewhere out there is the right fit for the occasion."

The woman had more optimism than I did about my chances. And seeing as that was the case, I thought to ask her opinion where I should direct my search next. Surely among her friends and acquaintances were other shopkeepers and dressmakers. Far better to try that route instead of aimlessly picking random streets and hoping to find another shop. After she'd returned from restocking the gowns, I brought up my plan.

"Would you, by chance, know who might still have a selection that I could try next?"

As quickly as she drew breath, she rattled off the names of several other shops, obviously happy that she could at least say she'd given me that much help. I feared at first that she wouldn't stop with her list of suggestions. Gods, it seemed she knew half the city. So when she paused for breath, I cut in to stop her from imparting any more information.

"My thanks to you for the advice, Lady. I'm sure if I can't find a suitable dress in one of those establishments, I shan't find one in all of Asgard. But if I do intend to find it in time, I should be on my way."

"Yes, yes, of course. Do remember me should you need anything in the future. I'd love to have you back as a patron, Lady Lilith."

_Yeah, I bet you would._ I gave her a closed smile and hastened to the door. The woman waved at me cheerfully as I thanked her again and left. _Is this what Thor and the rest of them deal with every day? Starting to think my anonymity wasn't as bad as it seemed to be._ That sentiment only grew stronger with every shop I visited. Didn't matter if the proprietor was a man or woman, they all fawned over me like dogs gnawing on bones. In all but one or two places, the experience was very brief, as most had nothing to recommend to me for the concert. Even the few that did still didn't quite have what I pictured. All of them bade me return another time, trying to secure my business just as Lady Coryn had.

I'd about given up when I resolved to go to one last shop. The previous shopkeeper had been reluctant to name it, but had no other alternative when he'd heard I'd already come from the shops of his preferred cronies. Seemed this one was not as well-established, nor did it have a great name to back its designs. I cared little for either, and so wasn't bothered to try my luck there. Not surprisingly, the street where the shop was located was further off the main thoroughfare than most. I might have missed it entirely if I hadn't been looking, since it boasted no sign or advertisement of what was for sale inside. The windows were dark and I wondered if it was closed for the day. _Let's hope not._

Crossing my fingers, I tried the door. It gave at my touch, swinging inward. I stepped over the thresh hold and glanced around. No sign of anyone, but I saw something that mattered far more at the moment. Dresses, gowns- every manner of women's clothes that I could imagine. Encouraged by the array before me, I ventured further into the room. Only after the door closed behind me did I see the shop's owner, who was curled up in a chair with a worn book. She glanced up, blinking as if unsure she believed I was truly there.

"May I help you," she asked, setting the book aside.

"I sure hope so," I remarked wryly. "I really need a dress for this evening, and so far I have come up empty-handed."

"A dress you say. Have you tried Lady Coryn's?"

"About six or seven shops ago. And even if her wares hadn't been picked over, I doubt I would have wanted anything from that place. Besides, from what I can see, I should have begun my search here and saved myself quite the headache."

"I'd be happy to help," the woman said with a wan smile. Then she continued, "But I feel I should warn you that it's not considered _fashionable_ for Ladies of Asgard to patronize my shop."

I knew only too well how it felt to be excluded and considered second-best, and found myself taking a liking to the Lady for having the guts not to give up. She sounded as though she could use someone to help bolster that courage, though.

"Well, it's a good thing I've never cared to belong to _that_ crowd, since a requirement appears to be a lack of common sense and intelligence."

Her mouth twitched with the urge to smile, but she kept it from cracking her professional demeanor. I was not deterred, and tried again to spark her humor.

"My name's Lilith," I offered, not sure if she'd recognized me. "I'd be pleased if you used it. Ask anyone who knows me- 'Lady' is not among the adjectives or titles that I aspire to embody. So- can I browse about in the hope you've got something that will get me out of my impending formalwear crisis?"

That _did_ break her composure, and the woman let out a quiet laugh.

"I'd heard about you…" she almost said 'Lady', but caught herself in time. "-Lilith, but had credited it all as rumor."

"Not entirely. But I'm sure even with this one proven true, plenty others remain without an answer either way. Sometimes I think Asgard runs on conjecture and storytelling. I'm afraid this is the only one I can assist with today, though, or I'll have nothing to wear to this concert tonight."

"Quite all right. Did you have a particular color in mind? That might help get us started."

"Green or black- or both. Something in that general palette."

Her hand stilled on the rack of dresses to her right, a peculiar expression on her face. I wondered if it had anything to do with those 'rumors' she claimed to have heard. Even though nothing was going on between me and the God of Mischief, I wouldn't be surprised if people said otherwise. Never in the open if they had a healthy respect for their own safety- but in hushed whispers I could see how they would misconstrue our friendship for something else.

_Something you're wont to do from time to time,_ a cheeky voice in my head whispered.

_Oh do shut up, _I hissed back.

_Make me._

Since I didn't have time to argue with myself on the matter, I let it go. That and the shopkeeper's sharp look gave me the impression she thought my sudden distractedness strange. Rumors indeed. If I kept this up, I'd provide new grist for the mill that I was losing my mind. I cleared my throat self-consciously.

"So, uh, do you have anything that might fit what I'm looking for?"

"A few, I think. Why don't I pull them out and you can try them on in the dressing room?"

"Wonderful. That's further than I've gotten all day."

"It's there in the corner- next to the shawls and coats. I'll be over with the first one in just a minute."

I entered the tiny, enclosed room and disrobed, discarding my tunic and leggings on a stool. The boots I left on, not wanting to bother with the hassle of unlacing and lacing them up again. The woman passed a dress through the curtain separating my room from the rest of the store. _Probably could have done this out there where I had more room- not like anyone else is here to see me._ Still, the risk that some other last minute shopper would arrive deterred me from leaving the sanctuary of my closet-sized room.

_Might as well get on with this,_ I thought as I held up the dress. The color was a little too bright at first glance; I pulled it over my head, anyway. Better if it wasn't quite right than to have no dress at all. Smoothing the fabric so it hung correctly, my eyes sought the mirror on the back wall to have a look. _Not bad,_ I admitted. _We'll call this a 'maybe' until I've seen the others._ As I turned this way and that to get a better look, the shopkeeper called to me through the curtain.

"Are you ready to try on the next one?"

"Just a second." I took off the dress I was wearing and hung it on a nearby peg. "Okay, ready."

So it went- went on for longer than I had expected. My endurance was flagging, and still nothing that felt right. The gowns were all beautiful, but none of them quite what I was looking for. They were just missing…_something._ Finally, she announced the end had come.

"This is the last one I have in your size that sticks to your color scheme. I wasn't sure if you'd like it, but it's worth a try."

My hand reached for the rich, dark fabric- a material I wasn't sure I'd seen before. Not quite silk; not quite…well, anything familiar at all. And the color was equally unusual. As I inspected it more closely in the light overhead, it appeared nearly black; the next moment, deep green. Curious. I shrugged and slipped it on, wondering why she'd hesitated to include the dress with the others. Until I saw myself in the mirror, that is.

_Oh…well, yes. I can see what she meant now._

The dress clung to my body, emphasizing its curves from shoulder to knee before trailing gracefully to the tips of my boots. I twisted slightly to get a view of myself from behind. What little there was of it to see, anyway. The design of the bodice left most of my back bare- almost all the way to my waist. In front, the v-shaped neckline was not quite so dramatic, but made up for it by molding my breasts in an impressive display of cleavage. Wasn't sure where _that_ came from; I never considered myself all that well-endowed. When I shifted the other way, I was startled to see a flash of my right knee and lower leg through a split in the side.

_I'd be crazy to show up tonight in this dress. I'm on display for the whole world to see._

_Or perhaps just for Loki to see, _a voice suggested slyly. _Wasn't that what you were looking for- something that would get him to notice you? This dress certainly will._

I caught my lower lip with my teeth, not wanting to admit it. But the eyes looking back at me from the mirror knew the truth. I _had_ wanted to be noticed. And as that voice pointed out, a dress like this was designed to attract attention. It was elegant enough to fit the occasion, and yet exuded a very obvious aura of…

_Go on and say it, _the voice urged.

_Sex appeal_, I admitted.

And I looked sexy in it, no question. But would I be able to pull it off? A dress like this needed to be worn with confidence, I'd just look foolish and awkward. In the realm of all things physical and…sexual…confidence was not something I had in vast quantities. I could imagine wearing it tonight, and even dared imagine what I might do if Loki actually _did_ notice me in it. But it would be quite another thing to actually _do_ it. As I continued to stare at myself in the mirror, though, I realized my mind was made up. For reasons as terrifying as they were baffling, I was determined to wear this dress and no other. _I sure hope I know what I'm doing. _I pushed the curtain aside and emerged into the shop.

"This is the one," I announced as she stared at me, jaw slightly ajar. "It's exactly what I've been looking for."

When she'd quite recovered from her shock, the woman nodded.

"You look…amazing," she breathed.

"I'd say thanks, but I'd bet a large part of it I owe to the dress- is the design one of your own?"

"It is."

"Those other shopkeepers and 'fashionable' Ladies of Asgard truly are idiots, then." I smiled at her; the first genuine one I'd given during this whole adventure. "How lucky for me, though. I'm sure I'll be back to see what you create next."

"T-thank you." She blushed at my praise.

"I don't mean to rush, but I don't want to think how late the hour must be. I should probably get back to the palace. Let me get changed and you can write up the invoice."

In no time at all, I was back in my every-day clothes. The dress was boxed up carefully and paid for. Then I was on my way. Before I tried my luck using a portal, though, I had one last errand in the city. It took another half hour to get what I wanted, but was well worth it. Then at last I was ready to go home. I found a quiet street and pictured my suite in my head- like I'd done with Micharea. A shimmery curtain of air gradually took on the image. I stepped through and found myself in the main chamber of my suite.

_Well, I'm never making _that_ long walk again._

The afternoon was nearly spent and Lilith had yet to appear at the palace. The search for a dress must not be going well. Loki hoped she wouldn't come back empty-handed, and not just because she'd be disappointed. He would be, too. Almost since she awakened from her healing sleep, Lilith hadn't donned a gown of any kind. And although Loki enjoyed looking at her in whatever she chose to wear, he did miss the sight of something other than a tunic and leggings.

Of course he understood _why_ Lilith was reluctant to include dresses in her wardrobe. They only brought back memories of the dark days with Danethar when he'd insisted she wore nothing else. Not surprisingly, she tried to deal with it- like every other reminder- by not dealing with it. The nightmares, for example. Last night's had been especially violent. But she still wouldn't talk about it. Loki worried more and more about what happened to her during those horrific dreams. He'd spent another afternoon in the library looking for more answers to stop them. Once again, nothing he was willing to risk trying.

_Damn that bastard to the deepest pit in Niffelheim. I hope when I finally dispatch him from this realm, he'll suffer for the rest of eternity in that place._

He paced his private study, recalling how the man had begged for death. He begged every day, but today had been one of the first he'd been close to giving into the desire to grant his wish. Danethar thought he wanted that final end so badly, when in truth, Loki wanted it far more. Then all of this could be over and Danethar the _person_ would be a closed chapter; a wound that could finally close. For all of them- himself included. He'd never admit it to Odin, but he had good reason to be concerned the longer he kept on.

To his credit, the Allfather had said nothing more on the subject since his visit to the dungeons, but if the looks he'd shared with Frigga during the midday meal were any indication, he had by no means forgotten about it. But where Odin wouldn't repeat his concerns, his mother had no qualms about speaking her mind. So naturally she'd been the one to say something about it today, if not a little less direct than he'd expected. Even so, what else could she have meant by a 'troubling morning'? Loki had done the kindest thing he could for them all; he lied. And he'd keep telling them that lie as long as it took.

_Not the time to be dwelling on that. The concert is only an hour away. I came in here to get ready, not to think about that blackguard._

First order of business was to bathe. Perhaps that would help clear away these poisonous thoughts so he could enjoy the rest of the evening- which he was definitely going to do. Fortunately, his personal servants had finished filling the immense, marble tub sunken into the floor of his bathroom. Installed custom, the black and silver veined stone was the focal point- a masterpiece of craftsmanship. Loki would have nothing less than perfection in his domain.

The last servant scurried out of his suite with a murmured 'My Lord' and a curtsey as he left his study. His footsteps didn't pause as he passed through the bedroom, discarding articles of his clothing along the way. Entering the bathing room fully undressed, Loki breathed a deep sigh. Steam rose in curling tendrils from the water, fogging the mirrors with tiny droplets. Even the air was thick with it, leaving only the marble floor cool against the soles of his feet as he crossed the room.

Gingerly, Loki stepped into the tub and sank into the water. Its intense heat gradually eased the tension in his muscles, which had steadily built from the moment he'd descended the stairs to the palace dungeon. For a long while- longer than he probably should have- he did no more than lie motionless with his head resting on a padded cushion draped over the tub's rounded edge. Only the knowledge that he needed to get downstairs spurred him to grab a washcloth and bath oils. No time to enjoy himself, so he rushed through lathering his body.

Loki was nearly finished when without warning, thoughts of Lilith flooded his mind. Moments they'd already shared; moments he dreamed they might share in the future; desperate fantasies of moments he doubted would ever be, but secretly hoped would come true. His body's response to the last of those was immediate and fervent. _I don't have time for this,_ he reminded himself sternly. As if that helped any, which it _didn't_. Neither did a lecture on self-discipline as he washed and rinsed his shoulder-length, black hair. When he emerged from the tub and reached for a fluffy green towel to dry off, he was still aroused. Nothing he could do but ignore it and hope by the time he was dressed and leaving his suite he'd be more in command of himself.

_Which is why I need to speak with Lilith. I can't go on like this anymore._

Loki strode purposefully into his bedroom, headed for his wardrobe. From its hanger, he withdrew the suit he planned to wear this evening. Lilith had been correct in assuming he would be dressed formal tonight. Not because he was interested in impressing the Lords and Ladies attending the event; as if he cared what they thought. Loki's primary goal was to impress Lilith- encourage her to notice him, if he could. As he buttoned the tailored black trousers and donned a shirt of dark emerald silk, Loki hoped it worked. Over the shirt, he shrugged into the matching black jacket.

He selected a pair of silver and emerald cufflinks from his collection on the dresser and affixed them at his wrists. The ensemble was complete once he slipped on a pair of shiny black dress shoes. Standing before the full-length mirror beside the wardrobe, Loki admired the overall effect. _If this doesn't get Lilith's attention, nothing will._ Satisfied he left his suite and headed for the conservatory where they were supposed to meet before the concert. _Let's just hope she's there, or this concert will not be off to a good start._

Knowing Lilith, he knew that worry was unfounded. Dress or not, she'd never be late when she promised to do something. She'd be there. How would she react when she saw him, though? That was the only worry he couldn't completely banish. It refused to go away the whole walk to that part of the palace.

They spent all afternoon in the conference room, but were no closer to a plan than they'd been when Thor first arrived. Simply not enough information yet, as much as everyone _hated _to admit that Stark had been right. So rather than beat their heads against the wall, the decision was made that it was best to break for dinner. Rather, Tony insisted upon it and the rest of them acquiesced to avoid the frustration of yet another unwinnable argument. Thor wasn't sure who was most annoyed about the situation, but even the prospect of food did little to lighten his mood.

_I could be at the concert tonight back on Asgard, but instead I'm here when there's nothing for me to do._

"What's the scowl for," asked Wanda as she sat at the long dining room table. "You look angry enough to chew nails."

"Oh it's nothing. Just thinking."

She rolled her eyes as she stuck her fork in her salad. "Puh-lease. You don't expect me to believe that, do you?"

"Okay, fine," he relented. "I'm a little put out at missing a concert on Asgard."

Others joined them at the table, catching the end of his sentence. Natasha and Pepper shared a quizzical look before sitting down, but Clint was the one to ask a follow up question. He shook his head.

"Somehow I don't quite picture you the type to attend concerts. What's so special about this performance?"

"My brother is performing in it."

Where before everyone had been confused, now they were surprised. Shocked, even. The two front legs of Tony's chair hit the hardwood floor with a loud crash. Meanwhile, Cap cleared his throat to say what the rest of them were thinking.

"But…wasn't he supposed to be locked up? Indefinitely, as I recall."

"Yeah, that had been the plan, but the Allfather released him late spring at my mother's request. Under certain conditions, of course."

"Has he _lost_ his mind? Or doesn't he remember what happened the last time Loki was free?"

"Did you even think to warn us," Bruce demanded in a deceptively calm voice.

Agitated rumbles rounded the table. Thor supposed in hindsight he should have sent word to the Avengers, but there'd been so much to do in the early days. And then came the whole business with Lilith and- his eyes narrowed slightly- Danethar. In any case, the days just got away from him. He sighed heavily.

"I should have, but you've nothing to worry about from my brother."

"We're talking about the same god, right," Nat queried incredulously. "The one who nearly destroyed half of New York in an attempt to _rule Earth_. _That_ Loki. That's the one you say we shouldn't worry about when he's roaming free in Asgard? And now you're not even there to keep an eye on him."

Nat had a right to be suspicious. None of them had the benefit of witnessing Loki's transformation over the past month and a half. If he hadn't seen it for himself, he wouldn't believe it, either. So how could he explain it convincingly?

"That Loki's gone," he said simply, recalling what he'd told Heimdall. "And as far as I can see, he's not coming back."

That did not work at all. The others just stared at him- expressions once again confused.

"What do you mean, 'gone'?"

"It's a long story, but the point of it is he's changed. I didn't trust it at first either, but now I'm convinced Midgard has nothing to fear."

"Yeah, I'm not so sure I'd agree with you," Clint replied, crossing his arms and frowning. "Nothing can change someone _that_ much."

Thor had hoped not to say anything about his brother's feelings regarding Lilith, but it seemed the only way he might convince them he was telling the truth. _Here it goes._

"Not something- someone. An Asgardian woman by the name of Lilith Morgan."

_That_ got everyone's attention very quickly. Thor cringed inwardly when Tony's eyes lit up in amusement, knowing he was not going to enjoy whatever he was going to say next.

"Wait a minute. You mean to tell us that Reindeer Games has a _girlfriend_?"

"Not exactly. It's…complicated." _As a Celtic knot,_ he added silently. "But knowing her has made a marked improvement upon his character."

"If you say she's convinced him to give up ideas of conquering Earth, I'd say it borders on the miraculous."

"If not the impossible," Cap said. "Come on, Thor. This girl seriously means so much to Loki that he'd be willing to change-"

"He loves her," Thor interrupted him.

No one said a word. Not even Tony, who he'd expected to have yet another smart remark. But he was utterly speechless for once in his life. A miracle no greater than getting Loki to give up his scheming. The rest of the team was silent for so long that discomfort set in. Thor resisted the urge to fidget in his chair. Thankfully, Nat recovered enough to restart the conversation.

"You're serious, aren't you?"

"I wasn't kidding earlier when I said you wouldn't believe what's been going on in Asgard where Loki was concerned. Now you can see what I meant. Because yes, I'm absolutely serious."

"Dunno about the rest of you, but that makes me almost want to ask if I could visit Asgard to see it for myself," Tony remarked.

"I'm sure it's for the best if you didn't," Wanda laughed. "I shudder to think of you let loose on those unsuspecting Asgardian Ladies."

"Hmm," the former hummed thoughtfully while tapping his chin. "I wonder if his Lady could be tempted to stray…if provided with the right motivation."

"Don't," Thor jumped in, more than a little panicked. "Don't say it. Don't even _think_ it."

"Oh relax, Thor. I was just having a little fun."

"No, you're not. Or you won't be if Loki ever hears of what you just said. He might actually kill you for it."

"He would not."

"He _would_," Thor insisted. "Stay away from Lilith."

"You'd better listen to him, Stark," Cap murmured. "I do believe he means it."

Tony swirled the drink in his hand and tipped his chair back again. Raising an eyebrow, he asked in a bemused tone, "So the Trickster can't take a joke? What happened to his sense of humor?"

"When it comes to other men and Lilith, he doesn't have one. Especially not when they flirt with her."

"Does she have any say in the matter, or has your brother decided on her behalf that her choices are him or no one? Sounds like Asgard doesn't have many women's rights groups- am I right, ladies?"

Some nasty looks thrown in Tony's direction over that casual jest, but equally as many concerned ones directed at Thor. If he was going to put them at ease he was going to have to give some background on his cousin, too. It seemed the more he talked, the deeper in trouble he got. Like always. _I just hope neither of them finds out about this._

"I said it's complicated. Lilith…well, her recently terminated marriage was a difficult one for her." The women at the table exchanged knowing glances. They knew exactly what he meant; the men were a little slower to piece it together. Thor continued, anyway. "It's only been a few weeks since that happened, and she isn't exactly interested in _anyone's _attention. So you could say my brother takes it very seriously to make sure everyone follows her wishes."

"By difficult…"

"He means abusive, Tony. Keep up, would you?"

"Hey, I was just asking."

"No, you were prodding- so cut it out," Pepper chided him. "Sorry, Thor. He forgets his manners sometimes."

"Or most times," Wanda quipped from behind her glass of wine.

"Hey, what's with dumping on me all of a sudden? We were talking about Reindeer Games and his _not_-girlfriend, remember?"

Before anyone could answer, JARVIS effectively ended their conversation by announcing, "Sir, I have urgent new from the mayor of New York. H.Y.D.R.A. has struck again."

Everyone threw down their utensils and napkins, scrambling from the unfinished meal to respond to the threat. Everyone except Tony, who sat for a second or two, staring at his tumbler of scotch with regret.

"Always during dinner. Can't they plan mayhem at a civilized hour?" He set the glass down after draining it in a single swallow. "Off to work it is, then."

In no time, Loki arrived at the conservatory and waited patiently as two palace pages rolled the piano out of the room. Once they'd passed, he slipped inside before it closed. From behind an open cabinet, he heard Lilith's voice call out.

"I can't seem to find the other stand in here, Philip. It must be in the hall already."

"He's already left with the piano, Lilith."

Her face peered over the top of the cabinet door. "Oh, it's you."

Loki couldn't quite tell at this distance but he swore she might have been wearing make-up. The sapphire of her eyes stood out more than usual, at least. And her hair- she'd done more than braid it for the evening. Half of it was pinned in a complex knot atop her head, while the rest fell in curling waves and ringlets around her shoulders. His mouth went dry at how its captivating effect, while wondering if behind that wooden door she was wearing a dress equally as lovely. But Lilith didn't seem inclined to answer that unasked question just yet, not moving from the cabinet blocking his view. Instead, she eyed him head to toe; Loki held his breath and waited. After what seemed like forever, she bestowed her opinion.

"Well, don't you look…wow." That last word came out somewhat breathless. "Quite the change from the everyday look. Now spending all afternoon in search of a dress seems well worth it. I _might_ stand a chance at competing with you."

_Well, she noticed._ Feeling inordinately pleased at that victory, he smiled at her.

"I take it you were successful, then?"

"I," she paused with a tentative smile of her own. "I'll let you decide."

Lilith stepped out from behind the cabinet and the floor dropped out from under him. Searched for an entire afternoon? If she'd spent a lifetime, she couldn't have found a gown any more perfect than that one. It fit her like a second skin, and that color…his thoughts were interrupted when he noticed the slit on the right side. _Gods of the Allfather…I swear I'll kill the first man I catch looking at that leg._ Lilith shifted slightly, and Loki's attention was drawn to the cut of the neckline. He suspected…but no, it couldn't be. Only one way to know.

"Hmm…let's see the rest of it," he managed to say, though not as evenly as he would have liked. With one hand, he motioned that she should turn. "Once around."

Lilith pivoted slowly, allowing Loki to get a better view of the dress from behind. Rather, the sight of her bared skin from neck to…Loki swallowed hard. Whoever made that gown had a wicked imagination, and he intended to thank him or her personally. Profusely. Meanwhile, Lilith completed the turn to face him again, and he was fairly certain he hadn't been able to hide his thoughts before she saw them.

"So will this do," she asked shyly.

Loki forced his feet to move, covering the space between them in a half-dozen strides. A hand's-breadth away, he stopped. From so close, he noticed the tear-shaped emeralds suspended from her earlobes and the matching pendant nestled just below her collarbone. He took her hands in his, squeezing them lightly.

"It's beautiful," he told her. "_You're_ beautiful, Lilith."

She blushed.

"You think so?"

"You always have been. Not just on the outside- a wholly beautiful person. And I…" he took a breath to finally say it.

"The concert is starting," called Frigga's voice from the door; neither of them had heard her come in.

His impromptu confession was effectively ruined. Mother or not, Loki imagined how he'd murder her over the lost opportunity. But he forced himself to paste a reluctant smile over his disappointment, half-turning to nod at her over his shoulder.

"We'll be right there, Mother." When he returned to Lilith, he couldn't quite tell from her expression if she was as crestfallen about the interruption. With his thumb, he brushed the backs of her knuckles. "After the concert tonight…I have something I need to tell you."

"O…okay," she whispered tremulously.

They stood that way for a second or two longer before he pulled away with a gallant gesture to the door.

"I believe we have an audience awaiting what I expect will be a spectacular performance. Shall we?"

Lilith picked up the shift in the mood and joined him in their familiar banter once more.

"Spectacular," she mused with an arch of her brow. "Well, I suppose it would be a shame to disappoint them. Let's go."

But even as Loki escorted her from the conservatory, he could still sense the underlying tension of their unfinished conversation between them. _Just a few hours more, _he promised silently. _Tonight when the concert is over and the guests have all left after dinner…I'll tell her._


	37. Chapter 36: A Misdirected Invitation

Applause rang in my ears, almost deafening when added to the cheers and whistles from the audience. The concert had just ended and Loki and I were taking our final bows. I raised my eyes to the full audience hall and smiled to myself. _I'll bet not one of you ever thought there'd come a day when you'd be delivering a standing ovation for the God of Mischief._ All those Lords and Ladies cheering us tonight had no doubt been among the first to protest the day Odin had released him from his cell those months ago. How times changed.

_Not to mention people._

And while I was mostly thinking of Loki, the same could be said for me. I wasn't the same as I was when I'd first met 'Ilsa'; I definitely wasn't the same woman the Allfather wed to Danethar. Hel, I had a feeling I wasn't even the same as I'd been just a week ago. My gaze darted to the man on my left, whose hand held mine. From this angle, all I could make out was the edge of his smile, half hidden by a strand of hair that had fallen forward.

_Might not have changed at all if not for him,_ I admitted. _If I would even be alive. Another month with Danethar and I'm not so sure I would be._

That last thought I pushed aside, not wanting to ruin my mood- or waste my time- on that ass. Far more interesting to think of those last minutes in the conservatory before the concert, when Loki and I had been alone. My cheeks warmed with a blush as I recalled the expression on his face when he'd seen the dress for the first time. All throughout the concert, I hadn't forgotten it; now that it was over, I was on tender hooks over what Loki had said- and what he might have said if Frigga hadn't interrupted him.

_ If she'd just arrived another minute later…_

Perhaps it had been for the best. As excruciating as the wait had been, I suspected the other half of Loki's sentence would have derailed any chance of getting to the concert on time. _Or at all,_ a voice whispered sensually in my ear. The blush deepened, and I hoped anyone who noticed would think I was merely excited by all the adulation. Now if only those butterflies in my stomach would settle down again. Of course they wouldn't- no matter how I tried- when I considered the possibilities of what Loki might say when later finally arrived.

Meanwhile, back in the present, the applause was finally dying down. Guests were leaving their seats to mingle and head for the dining hall, where I sincerely hoped a sumptuous buffet awaited us. And speaking of waiting…Odin and Frigga remained in the auditorium after everyone else had gone. I wished Thor could have been here tonight. At least then I would have had another buffer between me and those two, but wished him well on Midgard all the same. I supposed for Birgitta's sake, I'd have to be civil. Certainly not for _theirs._

_But you _do_ realize you'll have to make peace with them, right?_

I really resented it when I talked to myself. Every time, that nagging voice had something inconvenient or uncomfortable to say- like this time. Because it was right. Even though I felt wronged- and that others like me had likewise been wronged- by the Allfather's refusal to deal with Danethar and his protégés, this bitter feud wasn't doing any of us any good. On the other hand, I sure as Hel didn't want to just let it go. Decisions for another day. Right now, I had two items highest on my agenda; food and finishing the conversation from the conservatory. Everything else could wait.

"Well I dunno about you," I expressed in a muted tone, "But I'm famished. Haven't eaten all day, actually."

"Not even while you were out this afternoon?"

"No time- I was on a mission."

"I'd say I felt bad." Loki paused to glance at my dress. "But…"

I rolled my eyes. "Don't even try. Even you couldn't tell that lie convincingly."

"Ouch," he replied in mock horror. "Such little faith. I could manage it."

"Why don't we agree to disagree and see what we can do to keep me from starving to death?"

"As the Lady wishes," Loki acquiesced with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes, deliberately baiting me.

I was sure he was quite amused with himself to rile my temper that way. Since the sparring lesson with Sif, he'd used that tactic it at least a half-dozen times. Usually when I'd gotten the upper hand in an argument. And every time I caught myself unable to resist falling for it. Not this one, though. Instead of shooting him a dark glare, I merely flashed a smug grin.

"Don't you forget it."

"Oh I'm sure you'll remind me often enough," he quipped as he tucked my left hand in the crook of his arm. "Come on, then. Let's see to dinner."

We descended the short set of stairs to exit the stage, and were joined at the bottom by the King and Queen of Asgard. The latter seemed bursting with the need to say something, but held it in admirably. She kept looking from me to Loki and back again, as if she couldn't quite trust what she was seeing. The Allfather was much more reserved, but no less curious from what I could tell. Curious and…I almost thought I saw a spark of pride there when he looked at Loki.

_It's about damned time you saw him for more than just his flaws._

Frigga must have decided she had to say something.

"That was wonderful," she praised warmly. "I don't think Asgard has seen a performance like that in years. The both of you play so beautifully- simply amazing."

"Thank you, Mother," Loki replied, his gratitude sincere. "It was our pleasure, wasn't it, Lilith?"

Oh damn, now _I_ had to say something. I racked my brain for something suitable before voicing my agreement, "Yes, it was. I hope the concert aides Lady Birgitta to inspire others to take up study in the arts."

"I'm sure it will." She hesitated a second or two before adding, "You look lovely, my dear. That gown is stunning."

"Well it better be. I visited half the dressmakers in Asgard this afternoon to find it."

"The designer is quite talented. I'm surprised she had anything left so close to the event."

"Talented, yes; popular, not so much."

Loki chuckled beside me, saying, "Well, that may soon change. I'll wager every Lady here tonight will want to know where you bought that dress."

"If they ask me nicely, _maybe_ I'll consider telling them. And that's only if they let me get something to eat first."

"Right- so, are we all going or what? I imagine they're all waiting on us to begin."

Odin and Frigga preceded us to the dining hall. It felt really strange to enter that room as a group, formally announced to the guests staring up at us with rapt faces. As a child, I'd always been part of the crowd…or worse, not even invited. Now I was here, in company with the pre-eminent gods of Asgard. Strange indeed- but also rather exciting. As the assembly below bowed and curtsied, I couldn't help thinking I could get used to this.

"Something about that smile tells me you aren't thinking of hors d'oeuvres," Loki murmured very close to my ear. "So what put it there?"

"They've never done that before," I answered quietly, nodding at the people below us. "Not for me, anyway. I'm sure you're used to it, but it's an unusual experience to feel like I'm someone important."

"And don't you forget it," he quoted my words from earlier back to me.

We threaded through the crowd milling around the great hall, until at last I found myself presented with the first glimpse of food I'd seen all day. Tray after tray of fruits, cheeses and assorted meats. And the deserts…everything looked so tempting that it was hard to decide where to begin. While I debated over that, Loki must have heard someone call his name, and turned away for a second. Reluctantly, he released my hand and stepped back.

"I'm afraid I'll have to leave you to your own devices for a bit, Lilith. The Allfather wants to speak with me."

"I'll be fine," I told him. "I think I can handle dinner. You might as well find out what he wants."

"I'll return soon as I can."

With that, he strode across the room to where Odin and Frigga were waiting for him. I stared after him for the longest time, too distracted by thoughts of how handsome he looked in that suit to concentrate on anything else. Quite possibly the most beautiful man I'd ever seen. And I wasn't the only one to notice; I saw the lingering glances Loki received as he passed other Ladies. A flash of uncontrollable jealousy ripped through me that they dared look at him that way.

_They can look at him however they like,_ taunted my innermost thoughts. _It's not as if Loki belongs to anyone. I don't recall him belonging to _you_._ As I kept my eyes fixed on him, my answer sounded far more determined than I expected._ Not yet, but that may be changing very soon._

"Just friends, huh," I heard Sif muse wryly. "Pretty sure friends don't look at each other _that_ way."

I swore under my breath and forced myself to turn to the woman now standing beside me. When I did, her expression was smug, no doubt gloating over her victory. I cast a nervous look around to be sure no one else was in earshot. That only encouraged her even more.

"It's true, then. You're _attracted_ him, aren't you?"

"Shhh…not so damned loud," I whispered to her. "I don't want anyone to hear you."

"Anyone like Loki, for instance?"

"Sif." My eyes darted back to Odin and Frigga, making sure he was still there. "This is so not the time to discuss…"

"If you were hoping to keep it a secret, shouldn't have worn that," she replied with a grin. "In that dress…well, Loki would be a fool not to see a message _that_ obvious."

"You think so," I asked anxiously. "Could just be that I wanted to make a good impression for the concert, not for him specifically…"

"Uh uh. Maybe some other gown, but not that one. Face it, Lilith, you're busted." I could only sigh by way of response, to which she added cheerfully, "For what it's worth, I'm glad."

"What?"

"What what?"

"I um…wouldn't think anyone would approve…"

Sif just grinned at me, reaching over to grab a honeyed cake from one of the trays. I expected that she'd enlighten me with more of her thoughts on the subject, but she didn't walking away without another word. _I'll bet she has plenty to say when I go back for my next sparring lesson, though._ No sense dwelling on that, though, so I picked up a plate and meandered up and down the long banquet table. The whole time, I was aware of the din of the conversations around me- most of them featuring Loki…or me; I pretended not to notice.

Eventually, I found Lady Birgitta. She and Timar were talking with her two friends, Lady Kendry and Lady Jorra. When I sided up to their group, they were quick to drop their initial topic in favor of discussing the success of the concert. My curiosity was peaked to find out what they'd been talking of that they didn't want me to hear. If I had to guess, likely along the same lines as what I'd just heard from Sif. I'd really fed the rumor mill today. In any case, none of them wanted to bring it up with me around. So we discussed the possibility of another concert in the future. Even whether I'd be willing to give lessons.

I was about to reply to Lady Kendry's suggestion when a prickle raced over my skin. Someone was standing close- far too close. And since I could still see Loki talking with the Allfather, I knew it couldn't be him. Prompted by the uncomfortable looks darting across everyone's faces, I grudgingly turned my head to see who had dared invade my personal space. Whoever he was, I didn't recognize him at all- a stocky sort of man dressed in slightly rumpled finery and a square-cut jawline. Instantly, I found myself disliking him. He was closer than I had even suspected, barely more than a few inches away. I side-stepped to create some space between us, eyes narrowed in annoyance.

"Can I help you," I demanded coldly.

"You're a pretty one, aren't you," he said, closing the distance with a step of his own. "I've been watching you."

"Lord Othar," Timar warned. "Leave the Lady be. She's not interested."

"Way I see it, she is- looking like that. I'm just answering her advertisement." He turned back to me, eyes bright with a mix of drink and lust. I recoiled when he snaked a hand out to paw at my upper arm. "What do you say, sugar? Why don't you and me ditch this shindig so you and me can have a private party of our own. I know what a girl like you wants."

"Let me go!" My voice rose with anger and fear.

"A tease, huh?" His grip only tightened and he leaned closer. I disliked the gleam in his eye when he said, "You could do with a lesson, then."

Memories of Danethar swam before my eyes, blinding me to the room and the people in it. Adrenaline rushed through me and sent my pulse racing. It fed the fear crawling up the back of my throat. Fear and…hatred. I hated this Lord Othar with everything in me, and wanted to make him pay. The feeling was so strong that it tapped into something I didn't know I could access when I was awake: the realm of my nightmares.

Almost before I knew what I was doing, the portal opened. On the other side of that swirling gate between the realms teemed the monsters and demons that haunted my dreams at night. But they paid no attention to me, eyes boring soullessly into the man with his hand on my arm. The fear burned away as I realized they were waiting for my command. This time, _I _was in control. And I knew exactly what I wanted to do with that power. I allowed the gateway to widen- large enough that a claw-like hand poked through to snatch Othar's doublet violently. A frightened cry erupted in the room. His.

"Teach me a lesson," I repeated with a sharp-edged smile. "No, Lord Othar, I think not. On the other hand…I have just the place for someone like _you_."

More hands thrust through the gate, pulling and tearing at the man writhing with his efforts to get away. He wouldn't. Couldn't. I merely watched the futile struggle, the smile on my lips never faltering.

Loki was growing impatient, more than ready to be done with this conversation. How much longer was Odin going to keep him here when all he wanted was to rejoin Lilith? Frigga sensed his wishes a while ago, and had tried to find a way to end the discussion. All attempts had failed, so Loki tried not to sigh when the Allfather ignored yet another of her hints.

A commotion on the far side of the room interrupted whatever he'd been about to say. The three of them turned immediately to its source. Lilith. He spotted her among a group of Ladies and Lords- most of whom seemed frantic to get away from whatever was happening. Loki caught a glimpse of Lord Timar trying to say something to Lilith, whose attention was directed at some other man. A Lord he didn't recognize. That one was causing most of the racket, screaming as he was drawn into…

_Gods, that's not a portal to Micharea,_ he realized in horror. _That's the other realm- the one of her nightmares._ Loki didn't wait to be dismissed by the Allfather, pushing through the throng of panicked guests to get to her. He had no idea what had happened to make her call up _that_ portal, but it had to have been bad. _Never should have left her alone._ Timar was still trying to get Lilith's attention when he got to them.

"Lilith, let him go. Please don't do this." He saw Loki and gestured helplessly at her. "Can you fix this?"

"What happened?"

"Othar had a bit too much to drink and it made him do something stupid. The next thing I know…_that_ appeared. Don't even know what it is, but now I can't even reason with her."

"What did he do," Loki demanded in a deceptively calm voice.

Timar sensed the danger lurking behind it, swallowing nervously as he replied, "Got too close. Even put his hands on her. But I think it was what he said that really set her off."

For a long moment, Loki only stared furiously at the screaming wretch. He was tempted to leave him to Lilith and that blasted realm. Sounded like Othar deserved it. His concern about what opening this portal might unleash for her was the only reason he considered intervening. So with that in mind, Loki nodded and approached her from behind. Carefully, lest she think it was someone else out to do her harm- he laid his hands on her shoulders. Even with that precaution, she still flinched.

"Lilith, it's only me." She didn't respond, eyes fixed on Othar. "Lilith, what are you doing?"

"He belongs with the rest of the monsters." Searing hatred threaded through those coolly spoken words. "Asgard has no need for _his_ kind."

"Maybe so, but not this way, Lilith. You can't condemn a man without a trial." No answer. Meanwhile, they were running out of time for Othar. Loki almost feared it was too late for him. He tried again. "Let him go. If not for his sake- then for mine. I don't want to see you do this."

She blinked once or twice, then twitched her shoulders from beneath his hands as she glided towards the portal. No words were spoken, but some silent command from her must have released the Lord from the creatures on the other side. Then as quickly as it appeared, the gateway vanished. Othar lie panting for breath on the floor. He cringed when Lilith tilted her gaze down to him.

"Consider yourself very lucky, Lord Othar. Next time, you may not be so fortunate."

Lilith didn't wait for an answer, nor did she return to where Loki stood. She turned on her heel and stalked away from the gathered assembly, causing guests to jostle one another to get out of her way. Loki let her go, knowing he had to deal with things here before he could go after her. He turned to Timar.

"What did he say to her?"

"I…it was just stupid ramblings of a drunk man."

"What did he say," Loki repeated, spacing out each word deliberately.

"He called Lilith a tease and he'd teach her a lesson," Birgitta spoke up when Timar hesitated. Her tone was hard-edged. "You should have let her send him wherever that gateway led."

"My Love…" her husband protested.

"I don't care how much he had to drink, Timar. It only meant the difference between whether the words were said aloud or not- but he was thinking them either way. He's another Eckert. Another Willem. If Othar hasn't done something like this before, it's only a matter of time."

Birgitta was right. Loki had hoped they'd purged Asgard of this lot when Danethar's entourage was executed, but it seemed a few had escaped. Directing a malevolent look at Othar, he knew of one who wouldn't be around much longer. He considered ignoring his own advice to make an end of him right now, but was reminded of the promise he'd made to Lilith. Murdering a man in cold blood- even if it was deserved- was likely enough to get him into serious trouble with the Allfather. And speaking of Odin…he and Frigga had joined the group huddled around the man still cowering on the floor.

"My son, what happened here?"

Loki hauled Othar up by his collar and gave him a rough shake.

"This one must have taken lessons from Danethar and his two trained dogs. Lady Birgitta said he was trying to force his attentions on Lilith."

"I didn' force no one to do anything," the man insisted, words slurred for the drink he'd consumed. "She invited me- jus' a tease by sayin' no."

If Odin had been inclined to think Loki was exaggerating because it was Lilith, the drunk man's words quickly dispelled that worry. Birgitta's stony glare confirmed the truth of it all the more. The Allfather's expression was as grave as it was furious, and he called for the guards. Two arrived almost immediately, likely on their way already on account of the commotion. Odin pointed at Othar.

"Lock that one in a cell. He'll await a formal hearing to determine if there's cause to have him executed."

The warriors nodded and took the man into their custody. Loki watched them exit the dining hall with a closed expression, only turning back to the Allfather once they disappeared from sight. He knew the explanations were far from over, and soon proven right.

"That takes care of Lord Othar for the moment," the Allfather announced. "Now, what was that with the gate? I assume it was one of Lilith's?"

"It was."

"One you've seen before?"

"Not quite like that," Loki admitted. "I don't think she's ever called it on purpose before."

"Explain," Odin commanded with a frown.

"It's the realm Lilith encounters when she's having nightmares of Danethar. When Othar accosted her, it must have resonated enough that she opened the portal. I don't know all the details about that yet. Not until I talk to her, anyway."

"Why did she open it?"

"As I said- I haven't had the chance to ask. I was mostly concerned with getting her to close the gateway, and then she left." Frigga and Odin exchanged a concerned look. Loki kept talking. "So if you want answers on that score, perhaps you let me go find Lilith to ask her."

"Yes, that seems to be the prudent course of action at the moment. We will deal with the guests and seeing to everything here. You should speak with Lilith. When we're ready, we'll send a page with a summons to the audience hall."

He wanted to protest the need for something so formal, but thought better of it. Instead, he gave a slight bow and walked away. Lilith would likely have gone to her suite. Or so he hoped. Loki would try there first, and move on to their other usual haunts in the palace if she wasn't there.

My anger carried me as far as my suite. How _dare_ that leering brute assume I- or any woman at all- actually _invited_ his attentions? Should have left him to become a permanent resident alongside fiends more suited to his company. Someone somewhere in Asgard would have slept easier for knowing Othar was gone. He certainly would have been if not for Loki's insistence that I let the man go, and even that had almost failed to deter me. But as much as I'd wanted to ignore him, I couldn't. Not when his request had come as a personal appeal.

Too keyed up to stand still, I kept walking circuits around my suite. Not the easiest thing to do in the waning light from the open windows. Sometime between the end of the concert and Othar's near death experience, dusk had fallen over Asgard. Fortunately, the servants had already lit the lamps so I wasn't constantly bumping into all the new furniture I'd acquired over the past week. Last time I tried to maneuver in the dark, I smacked my knee on an end table. Definitely had no wish to repeat that.

My thoughts turned from the suite decor to what had just happened downstairs. More specifically, what'd I had done. Called up a portal to the realm of my nightmares- or Urackbeld, as I'd come to call it. Opened it and had _controlled_ it. If I could force that door open of my own will- and command its inhabitants- I had to be capable of keeping it shut. It pained me to think that the apparition of Danethar had been right, and that the terrifying dreams that plagued me in that place were my own doing. Maybe not on purpose- but somewhere in my subconscious, I was perversely determined to hold onto that suffering.

_So how do I find that dark corner of my mind and silence it? _I didn't know, but I was determined to find out the answer. One of these days I'd finally break free of the chains that kept me tied to my past with Danethar. All the more important now that I was contemplating taking things with Loki beyond the platonic. I had no choice; I couldn't be divided against myself and expect a healthy relationship to grow.

_That's assuming he's interested in one in the first place._

_Perhaps you're right and he doesn't, but that doesn't change what I have to do. I have to do this for myself._

What would I do with Urackbeld, though, when I no longer needed to torture myself? I couldn't just ignore its existence; I'd created the realm and that couldn't be undone. Also unlikely was any hope of changing its underlying nature. Urackbeld was an ugly realm, full of terror and mayhem that no amount of effort on my part would ever eradicate. What use did _anyone_ have for such a place? I could think of one, but as much as I wanted to chuck individuals like Othar into it, I knew Loki was right. I couldn't deal with them that way. Especially not with that sort of gut reaction that I had tonight.

That worried me more than Urackbeld itself, actually. In that instant when my temper exploded, it had been so easy- almost instinctual- to reach for that realm. I'd reveled in the malevolence stored away in that place, and what I knew it would do to Othar once he entered it. Granted, I'd never had that feeling before, and might not again…but how could I be sure? I couldn't. Next time, it may not be with someone who deserved it.

_Did Othar,_ I wondered, now questioning myself. _Did I overreact? _Did_ I do something wrong and lead men like him to think I wanted their attention? _Maybe I did. I'd wanted Loki to notice me, but now could I blame others for doing the same thing? I gnawed at my bottom lip, not sure how to answer that question. Not wanting to answer it at all.

My mood swung on a pendulum, anger transforming quickly into guilt and doubt. With a sigh, I turned my footsteps towards the balcony in my bedroom. Night had now fallen over the city below, slowing the hustle and bustle of its many streets as everyone rested for the morning. Except for the guests leaving the palace, of course, who were splintering off in their various routes home. That was my fault. The festivities would have gone on into the wee hours if I had kept a leash on my temper. A moot point now.

With a sigh, I rested my forearms on the balustrade. The air held a sharpness to it that had been absent just a few weeks ago. Autumn was almost here, heralding the end of the most unusual summer I'd ever lived through. Dressed like this, I couldn't stay out here too long. But for a while, I could at least try to find some solace looking up at the stars.

For an evening that started out so well, it had sure ended on a distressing note. Frigga had held such high hopes when she'd walked into the conservatory to see Lilith and Loki together. She'd almost hated to disrupt their private conversation, sure that they'd been at a crucial point when she'd entered the room. But the guests had all arrived and couldn't be stalled much longer. A fact she was grateful her son recognized, even though she was sure he was furious about the interruption.

The concert itself had been a tremendous success. Having kept her distance from Lilith, she had only vague impressions about how their practicing had been going. Time well-spent, Frigga decided. Loki and she played as if they'd been partners for years- decades…forever. The music hadn't been two melodies complementing one another, but rather a singular expression brought to completion only when played together. The audience hadn't been prepared for its powerful effect- especially that final duet on the piano. Frigga caught herself tearing at the end, and even Odin had been moved.

_I always knew Loki had more in him than the boyish pranks and scheming. Lilith has helped him find it._

And Lilith…she'd shone more brightly tonight than any of them could have imagined. Not just her outward appearance- which had been a dramatic change from the usual- but everything about her demeanor and presence among them. Confident and self-assured, but absent most of the brittle hatred of those early weeks after returning to the palace. Frigga might go so far as to say she'd been happy. No one would deny that Loki had a large hand in that transformation.

_He's helping her to rediscover herself. The woman she would have been without the mage's spells; who she was meant to be if not for Danethar._ But as they'd seen tonight, scars lingered beneath the surface. When forced open, the consequences were frightening. She didn't fully understand what lurked in that realm Loki spoke of, but she knew it was dangerous. Once all the guests were dismissed, Frigga broached the subject.

"What do we do about this, Odin?"

"Without speaking to Lilith about that gate and the realm on the other side of it, I am not inclined to make a decision. But," he added with a troubled sigh. "I do not pretend to be entirely comfortable with what just happened."

"A realm of nightmares," she whispered. "And not just anyone's- Lilith's. I shudder to think of what horrors exist in that place. Or what might have happened to Lord Othar if he'd crossed to the other side of that portal."

"I am less concerned about Lord Othar, My Queen, given his own confession before us. Loki having prevented that fate only forestalled what I suspect will be an equally untimely end to him. At best, he'll remain a permanent guest in the palace dungeons."

"You think he's as bad as the others?"

"Possibly. A hearing will provide all the details I need on that score. In the meantime, I'm far more concerned about Lilith's control over that gate, and what danger it poses to Asgard if she's not strong enough to keep it closed unless we have need for it."

"A need for it? Why ever would we _need_ a place like that?" Odin didn't reply, and she decided not to repeat the question. Did he think to use that place to rid Asgard of its worst miscreants and criminals? Frigga suspected so. "What will you do if she can't control it?"

"I don't know, but Asgard must be protected. I will _not_ have the people put at risk."

"You wouldn't think to…lock her up?" Gods, Frigga couldn't imagine how furious Loki would be if that were to happen. "Would you?"

"I hope it doesn't come to that, Frigga. Truly I do."

With that, Odin summoned a nearby page and charged him with delivering a message for Loki to return with Lilith. Nothing either of them could do now but wait.

She didn't answer when he knocked on the door. Not necessarily indicative that Lilith wasn't there, but not exactly the greatest omen, either. Loki tried again. No answer. Undaunted, he pushed the door open and entered the suite. The main room was empty; a glance to the right told him she wasn't in the music room, either, leaving only the bedroom. As he passed through on his way to check, he noted the changes Lilith had made lately.

Al_most looks as if someone lives here, _he said to himself. The first few times he'd seen it, Loki had thought her suite reminded him of a guest apartment- and an unused one at that. Now, artwork hung on the formerly bare walls and the furniture had begun to reflect her tastes and personality instead of a hodge-podge of bland essentials. He took hope that she meant it as a sign she intended to stay. Frigga had warned him early on that Lilith had threatened to leave Asgard. And even though they'd made rapid progress after the conversation about 'Ilsa', he'd still feared that one day he'd wake up to find her gone.

When he entered her bedroom Lilith was out on the balcony. She hadn't changed out of her dress for the concert, Loki noted with pleasure. He still couldn't believe she'd worn something so…alluring, and entertained the slim hope that maybe she'd been purposefully trying to catch his attention. For a few more minutes, he enjoyed the sight of Lilith in that gown before drawing attention to his presence.

"Lilith?" he called, knocking quietly on the wooden lattice shutters.

She half turned to look over her shoulder at him. The smile on her lips was genuine, though somewhat forced; it didn't reach her eyes. But at least that chilling rage from earlier was gone. Loki hadn't looked forward to dealing with that a second time, though he would have.

"Well, that didn't go well at all, did it?"

"I wouldn't say that," he disagreed, joining her on the terrace. "The concert was a success. Even things in the dining hall went just fine."

"Until I lost my temper and nearly destroyed Lord Othar."

"From what Timar told me of what happened, that was Othar's fault."

"Was it?" Lilith turned back to stare at the city below. "I'm not so sure."

"Why, because he was drunk? That's no excuse-"

"Because I was wearing an invitation," she interrupted him. "So what do I expect to happen?"

For a second to two, Loki was dumbfounded at her reasoning. Did Lilith honestly think to blame _herself_ for that idiot's behavior? As the silence stretched between them, he realized she was serious. Anger rose faster than he could keep check on it.

"Don't you _dare_ say that," he swore vehemently. "You have every right to wear whatever you want and expect not to be harassed for it."

"But if I'd picked something less…" she trailed off with a shrug. "Men like him wouldn't get the impression that I'm interested. They'd have no reason to take notice at all."

_Oh _Hel_ no,_ he snarled inwardly. _You are _not_ going to let some worthless mongrel like Othar dictate what you can or can't wear._

"It's not your responsibility to suppress the impulses of others by changing the way you dress. If Lord Othar can't control himself, that's _his_ problem."

"But…"

"No, Lilith. I won't let you win this argument, even if this wasn't my turn to be right, anyway. Since it is- and also because you're dead wrong- this is one argument you're going to have to accept losing."

She threw a baleful glare at him from the corner of her eye, still facing the city. "Do I have to like it," she queried.

"No."

"Well, at least that's something."

"Only you would be so annoyed by losing an argument where winning means you were in the wrong."

"Takes one to know. Besides, I don't _want_ to win; I'm just being realistic."

This time, his snarl of frustration was audible as Loki tried to find some way to talk sense into her. His words were terse as he muttered, "I should have let you send that prick into that portal to…"

"Urackbeld," Lilith supplied, stopping his tirade mid-sentence.

"What?"

"The realm created from my nightmares. I named it Urackbeld. That's where I nearly sent Lord Othar."

He hadn't expected Lilith to have named it, but in hindsight, probably should have. And talking about it definitely wasn't what he had planned to be discussing this evening. But the incident with Othar seemed to have broken through Lilith's silence on the subject of the nightmares- and the realm that fed them night after night. In any case, she really wasn't in the right frame of mind to finish the conversation they'd been having before the concert. Neither was he. That discussion would be hard enough under optimal circumstances; this had catastrophe written all over it. _We cannot catch a break, can we, Lilith? _Loki leaned against the railing.

"I must admit it caught me off-guard to see a portal to that realm. Didn't think you could call it up outside the nightmares."

"Neither did I, but this evening proved otherwise. Much easier then I would have thought." She paused. "Too easy, actually."

"How do you mean?"

"I was so intent on wanting that man dead- worse than dead, actually- that the gate was open before I could realize what I'd done. If you hadn't come to stop me…"

"I wasn't sure I could," he admitted. "Your rage is formidable, Lilith. I knew that when I first saw it as 'Ilsa', but tonight was enlightening as to its full potential. Dangerous, even."

"A fact not lost on the other Ladies and Lords in attendance. I saw how they scrambled to get as far away from me as possible." Her tone was dismayed. "I suspect the impression I made will be a lasting one. Between this and that match with Sif a few weeks ago, I'll have single-handedly chased away anyone who might have been worth getting to know."

Loki understood how she felt, having spent most of his life on that battlefield. Most Asgardians would never let him forget what he was, and over time, the division between him and the rest of them had only grown. He admitted to himself that he'd let the ignorance of so many sour his opinion of the few who might have looked beyond the differences. Only recently had that isolating animosity begun to thaw. He didn't want Lilith to make the same mistake, and slipped a hand under hers to give it an encouraging squeeze.

"Take it from someone who's been down that road once. If they're intimidated enough to let it chase them away, they weren't worth knowing in the first place. But the ones who aren't will still be out there."

Lilith smiled to herself, but he wasn't sure she was convinced. They were both silent for a while, until Loki noticed how chilled her hand felt in his. The bite in the air had deepened, and he expected she was getting cold.

"Should we go inside?" he suggested. "It's a bit cold this evening."

"I'd rather stay out here. The view of Asgard at night is one of my favorites."

"Well, then," Loki shrugged out of his jacket and draped it over her shoulders. "That should help some."

Lilith fingered the lapel and looked over at him. "Thank you."

"So…" he continued after a moment. "Urackbeld."

"Yeah…I guess my theory was right. It's a realm, and one I created. Not sure which came first- the nightmares or the realm, but it's a bit of a moot point. Before you arrived, I was wondering what to do about it."

"_Can_ you do anything?"

"Well, I don't think I can destroy it. But if it _is_ my realm, I can at least control it. Or so I hope. Maybe if I figure out how to do that, I can get a decent night's sleep."

Loki was about to reply when I sounds of footsteps behind them caught his attention. They both turned to see who had come looking for them, even though he already suspected he knew. And he did. As promised, a page had arrived with a summons to the audience hall. He hoped Lilith was up to answering the Allfather's questions; likewise, he hoped Odin was prepared for Lilith's answers. She looked at him quizzically.

"What's this?"

"A summons."

"The Allfather, I'm assuming. About the gateway?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so."

Lilith straightened with an aggravated sigh.

"And just when I thought the worst of the day was over," she grumbled. "I'm sure he's just thrilled about the trouble I caused. Well, I suppose I don't have much of a choice but to go."

"I'll go with you."

"You don't have to."

"I know. I'm still going."

"I don't have a say in that, either, do I," Lilith replied with a bemused look.

"What do you think?"

"Oh all right. But if we're headed inside, might as well let you have your jacket back." She handed it to him reluctantly with a glance over her shoulder to the night sky. "Star gazing will have to wait for later."

"I'm sure this won't take long, Lilith."

"I hope you're right."


	38. Chapter 37: Confession of Transgression

The page returned fifteen or twenty minutes later, announcing the arrival of Lilith and Loki. Odin nodded to admit them inside, wondering how this audience would end. Though Lilith had been less hostile than usual after the concert, her mood was likely not so congenial after the incident with Lord Othar. Even worse, he knew that she would not be happy to discuss her gates in general. Their last discussion on the matter had gone far from well, and that had been weeks ago. If one could have called it a discussion, anyway.

Addressing the subject was no longer optional, for either of them. Odin had to know what she was capable of and what it meant for Asgard. With the threat from Loki's direction taken care of, he'd hoped they could explore how Lilith might be convinced to use her talents in the service of the public good. As they'd just witnessed, though, that service might come at a cost. How high would it be- and would he think it worth it? As the page ushered Lilith and Loki into the room, Odin held onto his determination to find out.

_They look well together,_ he thought as the pair approached, momentarily distracted from the serious matter that had brought them all here at this hour. Despite the upset with Othar, the night was at least some success to see them together. Not to mention, Frigga had told him what she'd witnessed in the conservatory prior to the concert. From her account, perhaps Loki was close to revealing the truth to her at last. _I just hope when he finally does, Lilith will choose to stand with him as she is now._

"You sent for me, Allfather," Lilith's voice broke into his musings. "I'm guessing it's important or you would have waited for morning. Shall I guess it concerns my gates- specifically the one I opened this evening?"

She certainly preferred the direct approach, not wasting any time on pleasantries. Just as well, since the hour was already late. Odin gestured to the empty chairs opposite him.

"Please, have a seat."

Lilith shrugged indifferently and sank into one of the chairs, while Loki ensconced himself in the other. Neither said a word, staring at him expectantly. The message was very clear; they had come as summoned, but had no intention to offer any help. Odin would have to speak first, and so he chose to be just as blunt as she had been.

"It has come time to understand the nature of your talent, Lilith," he began. "The incident with Lord Othar demonstrated quite clearly how unprepared we are to deal with your gates. Or the realms they lead to."

Her eyes darted to Loki and then back again. A knowing smile hovered on her lips and she rested both hands on the armrests of her chair with an air of sardonic amusement.

"And by 'we', you mean the two of _you_."

"Lilith…" Loki cautioned.

"Fiiiine," she drew out with an aggravated sigh. "I'll strive to be a little more agreeable in the hopes that will get this over with all the more quickly."

The god shook his head, obviously not convinced. But before he could offer his opinion, Odin drove the conversation forward. If the two of them started arguing, he'd never find out anything about the gates. Best keep everyone focused.

"Have no fear, Lilith. As Thor has already provided some insight into how you summon the portals, that should save some time. In any case, what I need to know is a little different."

"And what, pray tell, do you need to know?"

He started with something simple and less likely to offend her. They would get to that soon enough; might as well get some information while she was still willing to talk to him.

"Shall we start with the realms? How many are there?"

"Aside from Micharea and Urackbeld…I honestly don't know. I only recently learned that they existed at all, so there hasn't been time to check for any others."

"Thor mentioned Micharea. And as for Urackbeld- is that the one we saw tonight?"

"It was."

"But there could be more? I know you're only rediscovering this territory, but could you hazard a guess to the number?"

Alarm flashed in Loki's eyes at the mention of 'rediscovery'; Lilith seemed merely puzzled, eyebrows drawn together as she considered his question. When she didn't immediately demand to know what he meant, the God of Mischief relaxed, though the sharp look he gave Odin told him that Loki was far from pleased about the close call. As expected, but Odin said it, anyway. Maybe a little push would encourage him to clear the last of his secrets where she was concerned. Lilith didn't seem to notice the undercurrents, however, and ventured an answer at last.

"A dozen. Perhaps more, but I would say the chance is very high that at least a dozen realms lie yet uncontacted."

Far more than he would have thought. And judging by Loki's reaction, more than he'd thought as well. Interesting. Odin pressed on with his next question, hoping that Lilith would allay his apprehension about these new realms.

"And of those, how many might be similar to Urackbeld?"

"Meaning?"

"Forgive me, but from what little I have heard so far, it is home to the worst nightmares imaginable. A realm teeming with violence and utmost cruelty."

"What you've heard is true."

"My point in asking, then, is to find out if it is the _only_ realm of that nature- or could there be others?"

"Each may have its share of perils- and villains- but the good generally outweighs the bad," she answered quietly. "Urackbeld is…not like that. It is alone in that aspect."

He was relieved to hear that he need only worry about one realm. One was more than he wanted in the first place, but it could be managed. Hopefully. They'd get back to it later, but for now…

"Out of curiosity- how large are the realms compared to Asgard?"

"It depends. Some are smaller- maybe a few cities stretched over fifty or sixty square miles."

"But others?"

"Larger."

"How much?"

She was silent, hands folded in her lap, but Lilith didn't look away. Odin knew the answer just from her expression. By quite a bit, it would seem. He asked a question to see if it was worse yet.

"Compared to Midgard? Do any come close to its size?"

A flicker in the depths of her eyes before her lashes swept down to confirm what he hadn't wanted to hear. Lilith cleared her throat and looked up again.

"A few might be larger. Three of them at least. The rest fall somewhere between the ends of the spectrum."

"What about Urackbeld? Where does it fall, specifically?"

"I haven't been there to know for sure. To find out, I would have to open the portal again and step through…"

"_NO!_" Loki protested loudly. "Lilith, absolutely not. You _can't _put yourself at risk that way." He turned to Odin. "She _can't_ go there."

He had no intention of making Lilith do any such thing. But at the look on the lady's face, Odin wondered if she might have her own reasons for wanting to see that realm. Not an easy thought on his part, and one he didn't intend to voice aloud. Loki was agitated enough already.

"That won't be necessary," he assured them instead. "But I do have more questions concerning that realm."

"Which are?"

"It has been brought to my attention that your nightmares open a portal to Urackbeld while you sleep- without your consent. Not only that, but also that you struggle to close the link between the realms once it is open."

At first, Lilith had paled when he referred to her nightmares, obviously mortified to be having them discussed so openly. If it hadn't been necessary, he wouldn't have brought up the subject. But her embarrassment didn't last long, quickly replaced by a closed expression as he mentioned the part about closing the portals. Odin suspected that her 'agreeable' mood was about to expire. As for Loki, he looked decidedly uncomfortable, gaze dropping to the floor.

"I won't ask how you received that information," Lilith muttered through clenched teeth. She cast a meaningful eye to Loki, who still kept his trained on the ground, and added, "Because I know I won't like the answer. So I'll skip right to the point, Odin. What is your aim in asking about this?"

"Your gates have always been a concern when it comes to the safety of Asgard. Urackbeld is a credible threat, and what I want to know is whether I can trust that you have it under control."

Almost immediately, he could see that he'd chosen the wrong approach, but it was too late to correct that mistake.

"I see. You think it isn't, then. Let's just forget that _I'm_ the one who can't get more than an hour's sleep. What concerns _you_ is that somehow my personal Hel might one day endanger Asgard. That's what's important."

It was and wasn't. Odin had a duty to Asgard, and was beholden to keep it safe. That didn't mean he wasn't worried for Lilith, too, or that he didn't care that she was suffering. It was just that in his pursuit of the good of the realm, he often neglected expressing that to her. Tonight was no different, it seemed. He attempted to make amends before Lilith's anger grew any worse.

"I didn't say that."

"Didn't you?" she asked, voice laced with venomous sarcasm. His appeal had come too late, as usual. "You think I _want_ that realm invading my dreams every night? And I wouldn't be so quick to blame me for creating it in the first place, either. I wasn't the one who supplied the inspiration for the horrors in that realm. Look to yourself for that."

Her words were truer than he wanted to accept, but Lilith was right. If he hadn't given her to Danethar, that realm likely never would have existed. Odin wouldn't- couldn't- apologize for having done it, though. Nor would he have chosen differently if he could go back to that moment. Urackbeld…Lilith's hatred of him…both of those things were worth it for Loki's redemption. One day, he hoped she would agree. But for now…

"I am not ascribing blame, Lilith. I am only trying to keep secure the lives of everyone living in Asgard." He did not want to say what came next, knowing that it would only sow further discord. But based on what he'd heard, Odin had no choice. Reluctantly, he continued, "And after tonight, I am concerned that the barrier against Urackbeld is not as well fortified as it needs to be. At least not if you are left to your own devices in the city- or beyond."

Lilith had been geared for a different argument, and was caught unprepared by his change of direction. She shook her head in confusion, asking incredulously, "Wait…what are you saying?"

"I'm afraid I have no choice. Until I am satisfied that you have control over the gate to that realm, you are confined to the palace."

Stunned, I couldn't think of anything to say at first. Confined to the palace. Did that include the grounds outside, or would I be forced to let my garden go to ruin after I'd worked so hard on it? The Allfather hadn't been clear on that, but his message about my talent certainly was. He saw them as a threat and nothing else- just as I'd always feared from the day I'd discovered the gates were real.

_So much for your hope that he'd think they were useful or valuable._ Even though I'd raged against all of them that they'd wanted only to use me, what I'd secretly wanted was to be _invited_ to help Asgard. I wanted them to prove to me that I had always been important, but now the gates would give me a purpose, too. _Not to be. I may have gotten some of that to come true, but the gates…Odin doesn't even want them. From the way he was interrogating me tonight, he would likely prefer I didn't have any talent at all._

Something about that last thought sent an odd prickle down my spine, and I was reminded of a few odd comments Odin made. By far the strangest was when he'd said I was rediscovering my talent. Not discovering- _re_discovering. Why had he used _that_ word instead? I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer to that question. This wasn't the time for asking it, in any case. I needed to do whatever I could to get the Allfather to rescind his edict; Loki beat me to it.

"You're making _her_ a prisoner just because dome drunken idiot got what _he _had coming to him!? That's hardly grounds for something so drastic."

"I don't disagree that Lord Othar's behavior was inappropriate or possibly criminal. What worries me is the reaction it elicited. I cannot allow Lilith to open gates to Urackbeld any time she feels threatened or uncomfortable."

I reluctantly forced myself to agree with that concern. Hadn't I been thinking the same thing in my suite? I'd even discussed that worry with Loki, though I doubted he recalled that at the moment. But even though I might agree with the Allfather's point, I didn't want to spend who knew how long within the palace walls. It could be months before I was sure I wouldn't call up a portal to Urackbeld if provoked as I had been this evening. Or even over something less serious.

I glanced sideways at Loki, who was practically livid. Despite how upset I was that he'd told Odin about my nightmares, I had no doubt that whatever his reasons, he hadn't intended for this to happen as a result. An idea came to me at last. Perhaps I could work out a compromise.

"It was just one time. Are you really making a case out of this over _one_ time?"

_If I can get a word in edgewise,_ I mused ruefully as he continued to argue with the Allfather.

"One time so far."

"In well over a month. And under extenuating circumstances."

"Exactly my point, my son. Tonight was the first time in a month we've held an event at the palace. Or attended one held elsewhere in the city. Our intention was to once again open the palace to similar events, but if Lilith were to find the attention uncomfortable as she did tonight…"

They continued to discuss me as if I weren't sitting right here. I looked at Frigga, who had been silent through most of this. She was likewise focused on me with a troubled expression. Since the other two were so absorbed in their argument, I risked rolling my eyes skyward to communicate my thoughts on how things had deteriorated. Frigga's wordless shrug expressed her concurring opinion just as clearly. But even if we both agreed that things had gotten out of hand, sitting here quietly wasn't going to fix it.

"If I might interject…" I stated loud enough to be heard. When they'd stopped talking, I continued, "I am not entirely in disagreement with the Allfather's point."

"But, Lilith-"

"_However_," I cut off Loki's protest. "I don't share the same opinion about how to deal with the potential for trouble."

"What would you propose, then?"

"An escort. If I leave the palace, I don't go alone."

I was presuming quite a bit in making that suggestion- given that by 'escort', I pretty much meant Loki would accompany me. Granted, I didn't venture out often, but it was still asking for one Hel of a favor. I just hoped my instincts were correct, and that he wouldn't mind. But of course, I had to convince the Allfather first, whose expression was quite grave as he considered the idea.

"Were you thinking to request one of the palace guards?"

"Um…not really. As well-trained as they are, this might be a bit beyond what they can handle."

"She meant me," Loki supplied, having already guessed the direction of my thoughts. He darted a quick look at me for confirmation. "Am I right?"

"That was the idea, yes. And perhaps Thor, too, though he tends to leave the palace before I'd see him most days. Besides, you're more familiar with dealing with Urackbeld."

The Allfather said nothing. I prodded him for his thoughts on my proposal, trying not to sound as nervous as I felt as I asked, "Would that satisfy your concerns?"

"While I do not deny that an escort would provide some security, I'm not entirely convinced that it is enough."

"Odin," Frigga spoke up. "I beg of you to reconsider. Wouldn't it be worthwhile to try Lilith's idea, and if it appears that she is having trouble, _then_ limit her exposure in the city? Othar might have been a singular event."

"I'm afraid that I have made my decision, my Queen. For the time being, Lilith will remain at the palace. We will revisit the issue in the future if I am convinced the gateway to Urackbeld is secure."

I was grateful for Frigga's attempt on my behalf, however futile as it turned out to be. For Odin, I felt only growing frustration. Then my anger turned inward. _If I'd just been able to control my temper earlier…none of this would have happened. But I'd let that prick's taunts get to me and now look at the mess I've gotten myself into._

"I take it that's the end of the discussion," I remarked with a cynical smile. "And if that's the case, you might as well dismiss me. I've nothing more to say to you."

"I have more questions yet about the gates that I want answered."

"And people in Hel want ice water," I cited glibly as I stood. "So if you'll excuse me, I shall follow your edict elsewhere. That freedom, at least, I still have left."

Odin wanted to order me to stay, but we both knew he couldn't. I wouldn't obey, and he couldn't enforce it unless he were willing to throw me in the dungeons. I'd long figured out that he couldn't do that, assuming he worried too much what Asgardians would say if it were discovered he did such a thing. Didn't matter, really. For my purposes, it meant that in times like this I held the upper hand.

At least in this moment. I suspected that disobeying his orders about leaving the palace might be enough to tip the balance back in his favor. I would not test him on it. For now. Although…it was tempting to use a gateway to cross into some other part of Asgard. Perhaps even to go to Micharea. The latter technically wouldn't break the edict, as I wouldn't be leaving the palace to roam _Asgard_.

I said nothing more to any of them and walked out, furious- the second time this evening that I'd left the room that way. But this time I had no desire to go to my suite. Where should I go instead, though? I had no idea, and let my feet carry me where they would. Eventually, I'd find myself wherever I meant to go.

_This night has been nothing but one downward spiral since I left Lilith's side in the hall,_ Loki thought dismally. For the hundredth time, he wished he'd ignored the Allfather's signal to talk to him. Or Frigga's interruption before the concert even began. Any number of alternate decisions he could have made that could have avoided this outcome. Lilith…confined to the palace. He glowered at the Allfather in silent fury.

"You might as well say whatever it is on your mind," Odin sighed.

"It's better that I don't," Loki replied in clipped tones. "So I'll follow Lilith's example and just take my leave before I say something we'll all regret."

"It's for the…"

"Don't even finish that sentence," he interrupted warningly. "I'm in no mood to hear how you're only looking to protect Asgard- yet again at Lilith's expense, I might add. So spare me the platitudes."

With that, Loki rose from his seat and turned away from the Allfather. The hallway outside was empty. No sign of which direction Lilith may have taken. Would she go back to her suite? Hard to say, but the longer he stood here, the further away she'd get. So he picked a direction and hoped it was the right one.

For a solid hour, Loki searched the palace for signs of her without any luck. Lilith hadn't gone back to her room- nor was she in the library or anywhere else he could think to check. Where in the nine realms could she have gone? He didn't think she'd disobey the Allfather and leave the palace, but that was almost looking to be the only logical conclusion at this point. Loki almost considered paying a visit to the Watchman for help finding her. And then his steps carried him past a staircase leading to the observatory tower.

_It's a long shot,_ he thought. As he stared at the steep spiraling tower, he added, _not to mention a long walk. But I've tried everywhere else._ If Lilith wasn't there, then he'd go to the Bifrost to pester Heimdall.

Upwards and ever higher he climbed. Loki couldn't recall the last time he'd been to the top, but he vowed it would be a long time before he did it again after this. At last, he turned the last corner to reach the top. The room opened up before him, sparsely furnished with a few benches and instruments. Arched windows opened out on all sides, giving panoramic views of the city and outlying countryside below. Lilith stood, back to him, at the one facing west.

_Well, at least the climb wasn't for nothing._

"I'm rather impressed you found me," she observed quietly before he could say anything.

"It wasn't easy. Was that on purpose?"

"No. I just…ended up here. Dunno why."

He crossed the room and Lilith shifted to make space at the window. After a few minutes where they did nothing more than stare at the darkened landscape, Loki ventured a reply.

"If you were looking for the furthest place you could get while still remaining in the palace, this would be it. Not to mention it has the best view of Asgard."

"And given what Odin just said, it's the only way I'll see it for the foreseeable future," she muttered bitterly. "I'm beginning to think I enjoyed life more when I thought I had no talent. These gateways seem to cause me nothing but trouble."

He wasn't surprised that Lilith blamed herself, even if none of this was her fault. Just like she'd tried to do about Othar. Such a contradiction. In public, she had no problem pointing out Odin's culpability for everything; in private, Lilith would take it all on herself. Loki was sure it was the work of that mage. Even if the spells may have faded- and he wasn't convinced that they had yet- it would likely be years to undo the damage it had wrought. For now, he tried to convince her things weren't as grim as she thought.

"He'll relent in a few days- a week at the most."

"So sure are you?"

"Mother will be relentless in her case against the decision. And even if she isn't, I have no intention of letting the subject go. How long do you think Odin will suffer that before admitting defeat?"

"Not long, I imagine. At least given my experience." She looked askance at him. "Or I just find a way to bend the rules."

"I beg your pardon?"

"The Allfather is concerned about me wandering Asgard. Well, then maybe I find somewhere else to be. Liam and Lilith invited me to Micharea. I wouldn't need to leave the palace to take them up on the offer."

"Are you serious?"

"Why not?"

Loki couldn't believe he was about to say this, but the words left of their own volition. "Because running away isn't going to solve anything. It only makes things worse in the end."

"Says the man who's made a career out of doing just that," Lilith pointed out in a bemused tone.

"Look where it got me." _Look where my running away got you._ "So who better to give advice?"

"I suppose you're right. That's three times in one day- I'm falling behind."

"Didn't realize you were keeping score."

"As if you don't," Lilith countered with a laugh. Then her thoughts had turned down another path and she grew serious again. As she scored the masonry with her thumbnail, Lilith voiced that thought aloud. "All joking aside, though…before you came up here I was going over the audience with Odin in my mind. And I can't help noticing something strange about some of the things he said. I was wondering if you might have caught it, too."

_I wouldn't use the word 'strange' to describe it, but yes, I think I know exactly what you might have noticed,_ he admitted silently; the answer he gave aloud wasn't quite so honest.

"I must not have."

"Oh. Well, I got the impression that he's always known that I've been able to create gates to other realms. I think it's true- and have suspected it for myself for a while, but the way he talked…he _knew_."

"What makes you say so," he asked in spite of the pit of dread that hardened in his throat.

"He didn't say that I was exploring a new talent, but rather that I was _rediscovering_ one. As if I'd somehow lost it for a time. And then he used the word 'always' when he was harping on their danger to Asgard. Not a new danger- a long-standing one." She paused. Loki desperately hoped that Lilith would leave it at that. And then she pressed onward, almost talking to herself rather than to him. "But if he _did_ know, why did he never tell me before? Did it have something to do with losing my parents- is _that_ why I don't remember? So many questions and I don't have any of the answers."

The moment had come. Whether or not Lilith hated him when this was over, the question had finally been asked and it was time he answered it. If only he had any idea where to begin. The mage? Odin's reasons? The longer he stared into the night, the less certain he was. A hand on his arm brought him swiftly back to the present.

"Loki? Is something the matter?"

"I know the answers." The words came out barely above a whisper.

"I don't understand. The answers to…?"

"Everything. Why the Allfather has always known about your talent; the pieces of your past that you don't quite remember; _why_ you don't remember. I know all of it."

Lilith turned away from the window so she could look directly at him. Loki couldn't do the same. Not yet. Maybe after he got started it would be easier. _Starting off with the lies? Not a promising sign if you're here to tell the truth,_ he mocked himself disparagingly.

"And for some time now," she speculated after a moment of consideration. "The question is, then,_ how_ long? A few days? Weeks?"

"Since the day you returned to the palace," he finished quietly.

"So in the library- when I told you about that first flashback- you knew all this then _then_ and didn't say anything." He might have tried to explain, but she kept going. "Not as concerned about that, though. Things were a little…weird…in those days. What I find more worrisome is that it's well over a month later and the subject is just _now_ coming up. I would have thought after the _second_ flashback, you would have told me then."

"I know-"

"And since you _didn't_, I can only conclude that I'm going to be angry when I do find out, and that keeping this a secret is protecting something or some_one_ else from that anger."

_You're more right than you know._ But even she couldn't guess the whole of what they'd been keeping from her. _What I've been keeping from her._

"Lilith…it's worse than that."

From this angle, he could still see the alarm on her face as the magnitude of his words ripened between them. Her hand dropped to her side and she took a half-step backwards.

"What…" she halted and began again. "What could be so terrible that it could be _worse_?"

Now Loki did summon the courage to face her. If he was going to tell Lilith the truth after all this time, he'd at least do it right. For her part, she looked pale with apprehension. He wished that what he was about to say would assuage those feelings; it would not. But he spoke anyway.

"Because you're right. You will be angry. Quite possibly more so than you've ever been with anyone in your life. And once I tell you why…nothing is going to be the same. Not for you." He hesitated before adding, "Or for me."

Lilith's eyes widened slightly at that last part, and she shook her head slowly- almost involuntarily. She knew. Not everything, but enough to know where they were headed by the time this was over. Loki couldn't suppress the forlorn smile that bloomed on his lips as she tried to prevent it from happening.

"Then…" she breathed. "Then why bring it up at all? Why change things _now_? Wouldn't…wouldn't it be better to just sort of…pretend you don't know and we just keep on as we are?"

"A few months ago, Lilith, I might have agreed. But now I can't. Not anymore. This is one lie I can't live with."

"I…I understand."

"So I ask you to do me a favor and just hear me out until I've finished with what I have to say. When it's done, well, we'll see if there's anywhere to go from there."

Lilith nodded wordlessly at him. Loki exhaled slowly and set out to give the most terrifying speech of his life. It began simply enough, telling her of the Allfather's knowledge of her gates when she was a child. But the story immediately turned down the complex and dark paths that brought them to this present. When he spoke of the mage and what was done to her memories…Lilith paled considerably. Telling her that next they'd taken her talent away from her had been even more difficult.

But as terrible as that had been, nothing compared to her reaction when Loki got to Danethar. He could see the question in her eyes- why? Why did she deserve for such awful things to happen to her? Lilith wanted to voice that question aloud, but kept her promise to keep silent. Just as well- he intended to finish what he started by answering it, anyway.

"I know how all that sounds, Lilith, and how much you must hate the Allfather for it. I wish I could let it end with that- let him take all the blame. But you were right, and it wasn't his secret I was keeping. Because everything he did to you was done for the sake of someone else." Lilith didn't move or blink. Time to end this. "Lilith, he did it for me. Odin altered the course of your life in the hopes it would change mine."

Ten minutes passed without a word from her. He almost wondered if she'd heard him. _Of course she heard you. What did you expect her to say? _Loki didn't know, but he'd expected _some_ reaction. Lilith was so eerily still that she might have been a statue of marble instead of a living person. But he didn't dare reach for her or prod her to reply. He was in no hurry to hear how she would surely revile him, and he certainly didn't have the right to touch her after the things he'd just said.

"Why me?" she asked quietly. "Hundreds- thousands- of Asgardians in all the realm and he singled me out. Why?"

"Because out of the thousands, only one stood any chance at succeeding. Only you, Lilith."

Her hands were clenched so tightly that they shook. And although the room was dimly lit, he could see well enough to mark the tears that shimmered but refused to fall. His fault. The tears; the reasons for them in the first place. Loki knew it- and now so did she. Why couldn't Lilith have been angry? Against that gut-wrenching look…how could he hope to fix that? Loki sighed heavily.

"So that's everything." _Almost everything, _he added to himself. _But until we get past this, there's little point in going any further._ "I know I should have told you long ago. But I know how this ends, and didn't want to give up what has been the best part of my life by admitting that I caused the worst of yours."

When he'd said he had something to tell me, this was _not_ at all what I'd envisioned. I thought the conversation about 'Ilsa' had exposed the last of the secret-keeping and games. Granted, he hadn't orchestrated _this_ one, but that didn't make it any less difficult to hear. A lifetime of believing I was someone I wasn't. I'd been robbed of my family- not just in their deaths, but wholly and completely. All I had now were snatches of forgotten memories. Would I ever get the rest of them back?

And the gates. I'd endured so much ridicule during the course of my childhood at the palace once my talent had been stripped away. Maybe if I'd had it all this time, I would be more equipped to deal with Urackbeld and the nightmares. They were the worst of all, though, weren't they? The Allfather knew what he was sending me to when he gave me to Danethar. All of it...done on purpose.

_For Loki, _the words repeated inside my head. _To give him the chance to be the man he is now._ No small accomplishment, but I resented on some level that I hadn't been given the choice whether or not I wanted to do it. The Allfather had made his decision and I had to live with it. No explanations; no say in the matter at all. If I'd at least understood the _why_, perhaps it would have made the rest more bearable.

_While potentially ruining any chance that the Allfather's plan could work_. I couldn't know either way, but what if he couldn't tell me? Would I have become the same person if I'd known the reasons I suffered so much, or would I have become someone else? Someone who might not have made the right impact at the right time when Loki needed it. Who might he have become instead- if he would have changed at all?

None of those questions sat easy on my mind. Or my heart, for that matter. While the Allfather's intentions may have been for the greater good, I couldn't quite reconcile my feelings about the violent and wretched means by which it had been brought about. To reshape Loki's character, I'd lost pieces of myself- some of them I couldn't get back. And now that I knew the truth, could I see past it? Or would those losses and bitter memories forever haunt me every time I was with him? I honestly didn't know.

Loki was very certain that it would be the latter. I'd heard the defeat in his voice; he thought it was over- that I would want nothing more to do with him. Angrier than I'd ever been with anyone in my life, he'd said, so I imagined he thought I would hate him forever for this. Not an unreasonable assumption to make from his point of view, but wrong none-the-less. Of the cacophony of feelings jumbled around inside me, hatred was not among them. Many emotions- grief one of the most prominent- but not hatred. On the other hand, he was right in thinking that things had changed. I just wasn't sure how yet.

_Time…I need time to think about this. Alone._

That desire must have been obvious. Loki attempted to smile, but I saw only the sadness behind it. To see him so upset only added to the emotional turmoil that threatened to tear me apart. No help for it. At least not until I'd sorted myself out first.

"Unless I'm mistaken, I think you want me to go."

_I don't _want_ you to, but I _need_ you to._ When I was sure I was steady enough to reply, I answered him in a subdued voice, "I need to think, and it's best if I do that alone."

"I understand." He hesitated before adding, "I wish it didn't have to end this way."

With that, Loki sketched a slight bow and backed away from the window. I could tell he struggled against the impulse to reach for my hand, as he'd done dozens of times over the past few weeks. We stared at one another for several minutes before he finally turned away and descended the stairs of the tower. I didn't break my gaze on his retreating back. Part of me wanted desperately to call him back and assure him none of what he'd said changed how I felt about him; the rest knew it would have been a lie, and I couldn't bear the look he would give me for telling it.

_This is for the best- for both of us. If I can salvage anything of our relationship after tonight, I don't want it to be tainted by doubts that I am not sincere._

The best or not, it still hurt. I waited until I could no longer hear footsteps on stone before collapsing on a hard wooden bench, weeping out of regret, loss and anger into my cupped hands. I cried for so long that I lost track of the hour, until eventually I had nothing left. The hurt remained, but I had been emptied of tears- hollowed out and exhausted. Straightening with an outward sigh, I glanced wearily around the bare room and shivered in the cold night air.

When I moved to stand, my hand sank into the folds of what felt like a rumpled blanket. Slightly warm, too, by the feel of it. Which was odd, because I didn't recall seeing one there when I sat down. Puzzled, I picked up the mysterious article and held it before me. Only then did I make out what it was. The tears I thought I'd already spent stung the corners of my eyes, threatening to fall once more.

Loki's jacket. He must have left it on purpose so that I could wear it back to my suite. My brows furrowed, recalling that he'd been wearing it when he left. So how…

_He must have come back._

I hadn't heard him of course. Touched by the gesture, my lips curved into a tiny smile, though it wobbled a bit. I was still too emotionally battered for anything genuine. As I slipped into the jacket and drew it closed in front, my fingers curled around the edge of the cuffs. Somehow, wearing it helped me rebalance- a reminder of the good I'd seen over the past month. I'd been responsible for that. My conflicting thoughts about how it was done aside…I'd inspired someone to change for the better. And not just anyone. I'd changed the one person in Asgard no one had thought ever would.

_My suffering gave Loki a second chance at life. Perhaps if I try hard enough, I can find one for myself as well,_ I bade myself determinedly as I left the tower.


	39. Chapter 38: Answers in the Aftermath

"You realize the seriousness of your request, my son."

Oh he did. Asking to go to Midgard was quite possibly the most serious thing Loki could have asked of Odin, considering what happened the last time he stepped foot in that realm. But he faced the Allfather with unflinching calm, ready to defend his reasons if he must. Having spent a sleepless night debating with himself, he'd come to the conclusion that this was his only option.

Lilith needed time to make a decision about what he'd said. Even if she hadn't said so, Loki knew that she did. If he stayed in Asgard, he would drive himself mad. So he needed to be somewhere that wouldn't tempt him to push her before she was ready. Midgard alone provided both the distance and distraction he sought. Loki was even willing to put up with that insufferable jackass, Tony Stark. At least their verbal scuffles might prove useful to vent some of his nervous energy. Now he just needed to convince Odin.

"I understand, and wouldn't be asking if I didn't feel it was necessary."

"Are you sure you cannot occupy yourself somewhere in Asgard that would keep out of Lilith's way? As she cannot leave the palace, I could arrange accommodations for you in the city for a time."

"It won't be enough to keep me away from her; I'd just find reasons to return to the palace." He saw the Allfather's thoughtful look and cut off the suggestion he knew was coming, "And I don't think it wise to send me elsewhere in Asgard."

"What reason have you to advise against the idea?"

"Although opinions of me may be changing somewhat of late, I doubt staying so far from the palace alone would make anyone easy."

"You may have a point," Odin admitted. "What of Jotunheim? They would not be quite as unsettled as Asgardians if you stayed in Utgard."

"And why would you consider Jotunheim? Seems I'd have just as much opportunity to cause mischief there as I would on Midgard." It nearly killed him to say the next part, but he forged ahead, anyway. "At least in Midgard, Thor is there. How much trouble can I cause if I stick close to him and his cadre of avenging mortals?"

"I had thought since you did well as an emissary to Skrýmir with the Danethar matter, that perhaps you might be interested to meet with him over a trade proposal. I need someone who can protect Asgard's interests and make the best bargain with the Jotuns."

The assignment was tempting. Odin was offering him an opportunity to be included in decisions made regarding Asgard. He couldn't remember how long it had been since the last time that happened. Perhaps never. But it wasn't far enough, and Loki wasn't sure he wanted to deal with the questions Skrýmir would ask about Danethar. Best all that were settled before he returned to Utgard, if Odin hoped he'd have the advantage in the negotiations.

"I would be interested, but if the meeting can wait, I think the outcome might be more favorable when I can devote my full attention to it. As you can imagine, that likely won't be the case until I know what Lilith decides. Why take an unnecessary chance?"

The speech seemed to have the desired effect, and Odin sat back in his high-backed chair to consider Loki's words carefully. His look was one of grudging approval as he answered, "The trade negotiations can wait. But I'm curious- if I were to allow you to return to Midgard instead, just what do you intend to do there?"

"Argue with the Metal Man and fence words with the Lady Black Widow, I expect," Loki hazarded not untruthfully. _And avoid rousing that wretched green giant if at all possible, _he added silently. "Perhaps give some thought to solving their H.Y.D.R.A. problem."

"That sounds like you're interested in allying with the Avengers," the Allfather remarked with skepticism.

"It certainly would give them the element of surprise against their enemy, wouldn't it? I must admit thwarting someone else's plans to overthrow the Midgardian leaders would a different sort of challenge for me."

A prospect he might almost look forward to if not for the looming dread at the back of his mind. It had been a truly long time since he'd orchestrated any sort of plan. Because after he first stepped foot in Danethar's house, what happened with Lilith _definitely_ didn't count as having a plan. More like a gauntlet of knee-jerk reactions that kept him clinging to the edge of catastrophe. So Loki thought testing his skills as a strategist against H.Y.D.R.A. might be just what he needed. And just for the Hel of it, wouldn't it be amusing to if Thor and the rest of them had reason to thank him?

"You're serious, aren't you?"

"Strangely enough, yes."

"Then I will consent to your request. Take this-" he penned a message on parchment and handed the folded paper to Loki "-to Heimdall and tell him I'm giving you permission to cross the Bifrost into Midgard."

"Thank you."

"Don't give me reason to regret my decision," Odin warned. "I expect you to return with Thor when the threat on Midgard has been contained- whether you think Lilith is ready to speak with you or not. Heimdall will be watching."

He could not blame the Allfather for his caution. Three months couldn't wipe out a lifetime of misdeeds. But at the same time, Loki felt somewhat disappointed that Odin had been so pointed about telling him he'd be supervised. Just a moment ago when he'd mentioned sending him to Jotunheim, it had almost sounded like he was looking beyond the past. So much for that hope. Loki swallowed the slightly bitter feelings and told himself to just move on. He'd go to Midgard and prove to them all that the warning hadn't been necessary. And if that still didn't convince the Allfather that he was trustworthy, then at least he'd proved it to himself.

"Of course, Allfather," he answered with a slight bow. "I'll be on my way immediately."

And so he was, not intending even to go back to his suite or to bid farewell to anyone. Not even Frigga…or Lilith. The former was just a matter of timing. He didn't want to spend a half hour or so listening to her well-meaning reminders- or trying to find her. As for the latter…they'd said their goodbyes last night. Loki couldn't do it again. Then Frigga came round the corner and ruined his plans.

_Should have teleported to the Bifrost form the throne room._

Since he _hadn't_, he supposed the polite thing to do was give her a few minutes at least. This trip to Midgard wasn't likely to be more than a few days, but it very well could be longer if H.Y.D.R.A. proved to be a serious menace.

"Mother," he greeted her somberly. "I didn't expect to see you so early."

"Nor I you." Frigga glanced to the door behind him. "Were you speaking with Odin just now?"

"I was. I asked to join Thor on Midgard for a while."

"But…why?"

"I told her, Mother. Lilith knows it all now. The mage. Danethar. Everything."

She said nothing for a long time, until at last she queried in dismay, "I take it he agreed to let you go?"

"He did. I was just leaving."

"So soon? Were you not planning to come to breakfast, then?"

"Better if I didn't," he answered wanly. "The less she sees of me right now, the better. That's the whole point of going to Midgard."

"I hope your return finds Lilith in a more forgiving mood."

He hoped for many things. Whether any of them would come to be wasn't up to him, though. But even if she couldn't forgive the things she'd endured for his sake, Loki prayed at least she wouldn't be emotionally shattered forever. Last night had been hard enough to witness- especially after Lilith thought he'd gone. She probably thought she'd waited long enough before succumbing to tears; she hadn't. Might have if he hadn't retraced his steps with the idea of giving her his jacket for the walk down.

The sounds of Lilith weeping reached him just as he'd turned back, and continued even after he'd reentered the tower room to find her trembling on the bench. Nothing he could have said then would have fixed it, so Loki laid the jacket next to her as gently as he could. And then he left. Hadn't wanted to- not when Lilith was so distraught- but leaving was the kindest thing he could do. So he'd walked away. This time. Hopefully the _only_ time. _Please let her want me back._

"I'm so sorry, my son," Frigga's voice interrupted his melancholy recollections. "I wish there'd been another way. Odin and I both do."

"I appreciate the concern, Mother, but I'm well aware why there wasn't. I had this day coming for some time now."

"Loki…"

"It's true. So if you'll excuse me, I really need to be on my way."

"In that case," she said with an attempt at cheerfulness. "Do try not to cause _too_ much trouble on Midgard while you're gone. I know I can't ask for none at all…but…"

His smile was slightly more genuine this time as he replied, "I'll do my best, even if the Metal Man proves to be as obnoxious as he was when I last saw him. Goodbye, Mother."

"Farewell, my son."

She resumed walking, likely headed to the dining hall. Lilith could be along any minute for the same reason. And since one uncomfortable conversation this morning exceeded enough, he teleported to the edge of the Bifrost. To say the guards were startled was an understatement, but at least Sif took his sudden appearance in stride. She glanced up from the knife she was sharpening, and then grinned.

_Oh Hel, this is the last thing I need right now._

"Well, well," she remarked smugly. "Look who's come for a visit."

"Not so much a visit. I'm just passing through. And I'm in a hurry, so I really don't have time for whatever game you're of a mind to play."

Her grin faded and she set the knife aside.

"What do you mean 'passing through'?"

"What do you think?"

"But…is this about what happened with that idiot Othar last night? Is Lilith okay?"

"Yes. And no," he answered vaguely. "It's a long story that I can't get into. Look, Sif, I really have to go."

She frowned at him, but didn't challenge Loki's advance on the Bifrost. As he entered Heimdall's guardhouse, he swore she yelled out, "Fine, Jotun, but you're going to owe me an explanation later!"

_Owe _her_ an explanation. That'll be the day,_ he swore darkly to himself. Just inside the archway, the Watchman was waiting; he did not look at all pleased.

"What the Hel happened in the palace last night? I've never seen such a disaster."

His words came out as an accusation. And though Loki wanted to protest that it wasn't his fault, he knew better.

"Yes I know, and as much as I'm sure you want an explanation, this is all you're going to get."

He handed Heimdall the Allfather's message. The warrior snatched at it with an irritated huff, unfolded the parchment and began to read. Must have reread it a few times before he eyed Loki with an incredulous stare.

"Has he lost his mind!?" Heimdall sputtered in disbelief. "Or perhaps you've lost _yours_. Right now I'm not sure, but I'm going to need more than this before I open the Bifrost for you, Laufeyson."

Loki stared back for a minute, glaring at him. Asgard's watchman didn't flinch. _Dammit._ He thought of the quickest way to explain what he was doing here. Because Heimdall was serious. Without _some_ kind of answer, the Bifrost would remain closed. Reluctantly, Loki offered him what he hoped was reason enough.

"You remember what I told you about the lesson I had to learn? The one I'd never forget?"

"Aye, I remember."

"When we had that discussion, Lilith didn't know about any of that; now she does."

Heimdall glanced down at the Allfather's message, re-reading it and thinking. He held it up to Loki and asked, "So what's this about, then? Lilith's not tried to run away again from what I see- and definitely not to Midgard. So why send you _there_?"

"She needs time alone and I need something to do. As far from Asgard- and Lilith- as I can get. Odin agreed that the conflict with H.Y.D.R.A. on Midgard was the best solution."

"This says you intend to help Thor and the mortals."

"That's the plan."

"I find it hard to picture- you…helping the Midgardians."

"Yes, we'll all be out of our comfort zones I imagine," Loki replied, exasperated. "Heimdall, time's a bit of a factor here. Are you going to open the gate or do I have to drag the Allfather down here before you believe me?"

After one last critical look, the warrior shrugged.

"No need for that. I trust he knows what he's doing. Go on, then. But I'll be watching."

Again with the same threat, and he ignored it just as he'd ignored Odin's. Without another word, Loki walked out of the guardhouse. Heimdall must have opened the bridge already; just seconds later, he found himself staring at the lobby of the Avengers Tower.

_Well, I'm here. How long will it be before they notice, I wonder?_

Last night had been a sleepless one. But for once, nightmares had nothing to do with it. After leaving the observatory tower, I'd been too unsettled to sleep. So I'd spent most of the evening curled up on the overstuffed sofa in my bedroom. Thinking. Sometimes, anyway; other times, I was just staring blankly ahead, running my fingertips over the sleeve of Loki's jacket.

Dawn found me still sitting there, no more certain about my feelings or what I intended to do. I glanced down at myself with a reluctant sigh. Probably should change out of these clothes at the very least. My legs protested as I unfolded them slowly to stand. On my way to the wardrobe, I laid the jacket carefully on the foot of the bed. The dress I hung on its hanger before reaching for my everyday clothes. Lastly, I removed the earrings and pendant, returning them to the ornately carved jewelry box atop my bureau.

_Back to normal,_ I thought as I caught my reflection in the mirror. Or at least I _looked_ no different than I had yesterday morning- before everything changed. Turning away from the glass, my eyes were unerringly drawn to the jacket. _I ought to return it._

Of course I should. It belonged to him and I had no business keeping it longer than necessary. But the idea of seeing Loki so soon filled me with apprehension, not ready to cope with the emotions it would stir up. If he looked at me the way he had last night before we parted, I might start crying again. And yet I couldn't well avoid doing what I knew needed done. So I retrieved the jacket and crossed the hall, telling myself this would only take a minute. That was the easy part; far more difficult to knock on Loki's door. I stood there for several minutes before I managed to rap lightly on the polished wood.

No answer.

I bit my lip and waited another five minutes. When I didn't hear footsteps on the other side, I tried again. Still nothing. No sound at all from within. _Damn it,_ I swore. Either he was still asleep- very possible at this hour- or he'd already gone to breakfast. _Now what do I do?_

In the case of the former, I sure as Hel wasn't going in there to wake him just to return a jacket. On the other hand, I didn't want to spend the morning carrying it around looking for him, either. And what if he'd left altogether to do something in the city? I couldn't very well track him down, could I? Not when the Allfather had ordered me to stay in the palace. None of that helped me decide what to do next.

_Well I can't just stand here all morning._ I glanced around the empty hallway, then back to the door. An idea came to me. Perhaps a bit crazy to even consider it, but it was an idea. _I could leave it in his study. Slip in quick, set it where he'll see it and slip back out again. One minute. He'd never even know I was there._ At least in theory. I could envision all sorts of ways that plan could go horribly wrong. But with nothing else coming to me, I didn't have much in the way of alternatives.

As quietly as I could, I turned the handle on the door and pushed it open just enough to squeeze through. Thankfully, the hinges were well-oiled, so no creak betrayed my entry. On the balls of my feet, I headed for the study. The whole time, my eyes darted to the doorway leading to the bedchamber. I expected at any moment to be caught red-handed. What would I even say? But since I made it to the study without mishap, I did not need an answer to that question. Not yet, anyway. Still had to get back out again.

_Okay, just leave the jacket and go._ I draped it over the back of Loki's desk chair, smoothing an imaginary wrinkle as I swept an inquisitive look around. My last visit had been too brief to take in more than a cursory impression of the room. I'd been too self-conscious about what Loki might see in my expression, but now that he wasn't here watching me…

_Oh no_, an inner voice ordered sternly. _This is no time for that._

I ignored my own advice, too curious to remember that I'd only come in here for one reason, and that wasn't to pry into what Loki's private things. Definitely wasn't part of my plan to be found in here, the likelihood of which increased exponentially as the seconds ticked by. Didn't seem to make a difference as I edged closer to the bookshelves. From the titles I read, Loki possessed quite an eclectic array of literary works. Asgardian, Midgardian, even some volumes from Jotunheim. I couldn't help remembering that for a time my volume of philosophy had sat among them.

A sound at the door to the hall startled me out of my exploration. I froze, heart slamming in my chest as I fully expected Loki to walk in to discover me in his suite. The hushed voices of two ladies drifted into the study and I sagged against one of the reading chairs. Servants. Likely come to do whatever chores they'd been tasked with for the morning. Still didn't mean I was out of trouble. If they saw me here, I could only imagine the rumors that would be flying before the day was out.

I edged out of view and plastered myself against the doorframe to see what they would do next. If I was lucky, they'd start with the bedroom so I could escape. The women kept walking past the study; neither of them even spared it a glance. Lucky indeed. I waited for them to disappear before I emerged from my hiding place. Only when I was safely back in the hallway did I breathe a sigh of relief. That had been far too close. What if they had seen me? Or worse- what if it _had_ been Loki?

My stomach growled loudly, bringing my thoughts to a more mundane subject. Food. I'd barely eaten anything yesterday, and could use some breakfast. If I wanted it, though, I'd have to go to the dining hall. With Thor gone and things…awkward…between me and Loki, not likely to be the most enjoyable experience. For a minute I considered having something brought to my suite instead. But that seemed like the coward's way out, so I decided against it. Mentally resigned to an awkward start to the morning, I entered the room; it was empty.

"Lilith?"

Well, _mostly_ empty. I turned my head to the sound of Frigga's voice. She sat alone at the table, and seemed a bit surprised to see me. I debated whether to say anything in return. If what Loki had told me last night was true, I might owe an apology for my behavior of late towards her. Odin was another matter, but Frigga may not be quite as deserving of the venomous things I'd said. I wasn't even sure at this point if my assumptions about her not listening to me about Danethar were true. She may have tried and for the reasons I knew now, the Allfather had refused her request on my behalf.

_She looks unhappy,_ I couldn't help noticing as I sat down opposite her at the table. _Seems a prevailing mood in the palace today._ Rather than add to it, I made a tentative step towards bridging a peace between us.

"Yes, Frigga?"

"I suppose I shouldn't ask if you are well this morning…"

"I'm fairly sure none of us are 'well' after last night."

"I know Odin's decision was upsetting, but he has his reasons."

"So I heard."

We stared at one another across the table. I'd laid the cards out for her and now waited to see what she would do with them. Would she take my comment at face value and assume I was referring to the audience? Or might she admit to what Loki had told me in the tower afterwards? I doubted anyone knew about that yet, but perhaps a hint would pry loose the secrecy that had kept her silent for so long. And it appeared my gamble paid off. Frigga exhaled slowly.

"Lilith, I'm so sorry. We asked so much of you and you received so little in return."

_About a month ago, I might have agreed with you. Still might in the end, but I have much to consider before I make up my mind._ Frigga didn't wait for me to respond either way, too driven by her own train of thought.

"For my part- and especially Odin's- we understand that you hate us. Perhaps forever. You're more than right to feel that way." She hesitated before adding, "If I could ask for just one favor? Not for me, but…"

"For?"

"Loki," she answered in a timid whisper. "I ask that if you can, you'll find a way to forgive him. Not for the man he was, but for the man you've helped him become."

Tears welled in her eyes towards the end of her entreaty; they were almost my undoing. I had to fight tenaciously to keep my own from falling, jaw clenched so tightly that the muscles hurt. Frigga must have thought me angry, because she continued to plead his case to me.

"He needs you, Lilith. Before you helped change him, he didn't need anyone. But I honestly don't know what will become of Loki if you hate him for the rest of your life. The only thing that could have been worse was if he hadn't been in time to…" she caught herself before finishing that last sentence.

"In time to do what," I prompted.

"It's nothing."

"Apparently it's something- worse than hatred, you said. That, to me, sounds like something I ought to know. Don't you? Unless you'd rather we just drop this whole thing about a favor."

I had her trapped in a corner and we both knew it. On my part, though, I knew it was an empty threat. I'd already decided I didn't _hate_ Loki for what happened to me. But Frigga didn't know that, so she had little choice other than to acquiesce to my demand- albeit reluctantly.

"In time to save your life," she admitted at last. "That terrible night after Danethar's hearing with the Allfather. He almost arrived too late."

I should have known. Should have come to that realization the day 'Ilsa's true identity was revealed to me. The healing magic, the timing… who else could it have been? But I'd been so distracted by the present that I'd set aside the questions about my mysterious healer. Mysterious no longer, it would seem. _Lilith hold on. Please, stay with me._ Loki's voice- Loki's words. What if I hadn't heeded them? I suspected Frigga was right, but didn't say so. Instead, I murmured what still remained a puzzle to me.

"It shouldn't have been possible, even if he did. Not even for him. I know how bad my injuries were when Danethar finally fled. They were too much for anyone to heal alone."

"You're right. They were."

"Then…how…?"

I couldn't quite phrase my question. Or perhaps I was afraid to ask it. But Frigga hadn't really needed me to, prepared to answer whether I wanted to know or not.

"You weren't the only one who nearly died that night, Lilith," she said quietly.

_Loki no…you didn't,_ I cried inwardly in horrified disbelief. We'd discussed the demands of using magic a few times over the past week, and so I now had a better understanding what happened to me physically when I opened the gates. But that meant I also knew what it would take for other kinds of magic, too. He would have had to have channeled almost everything to have come that close to death. I didn't want to imagine that it could be true. It was, though. Frigga's grave expression told me that her words were no exaggeration. _You crazy, reckless man…what in the name of Hel were you thinking!? How could you do something so dangerous?_

_He did it for _you, a tiny voice in my head answered.

"Lilith?"

I was roused out of my thoughts by Frigga, whose eyes bespoke concern. That and maybe something else I couldn't name. Relief?

"I think I need to go," I said, pushing my chair away from the table even though I'd not eaten anything. Food was suddenly far less important compared to what I sought now. "You don't happened to know where…"

"Midgard."

I stopped dead still, hands resting on the chair for support. Surely I'd heard her wrong. No way the Allfather would have let Loki out of Asgard. I _must_ have misheard.

"I'm sorry, I thought you said Midgard."

"I did. He left this morning."

"Just for the day, or…?"

"I don't know."

Gone. Just like that and I was alone. _Just like you said you wanted. Not quite what you'd pictured, is it?_ It wasn't at all. Loki hadn't even said goodbye to me. Suppose he never came back? Frigga was under the impression he would, even though she didn't know when. But suppose he didn't? What if whatever was between us ended last night in the tower? _It can't,_ I refused stubbornly. _I won't let it._

"Well, in that case, I have only one question left."

"Yes?"

"My confinement to the palace- does that include my garden or not?"

"If not," she shrugged nonchalantly, "Then Odin can take up his complaint with me over it."

"I…thank you, Frigga," I managed to say with a pale smile, and then headed for the door. "Right now I could use a few hours in a place where I can think."

"Of course. And Lilith?"

"Yes?"

"Will you think about what I said- about Loki?"

My hand paused on the doorjamb as I debated how to answer. A lump formed in my throat, making it difficult to speak at all. I cleared it several times before I could trust that my voice was steady.

"I never said I hated Loki in the first place."

"Hey guys," Nat spoke up, eyes fixed on the screen in front of her. "I think you ought to see this."

"It's way too early in the morning to look at anything other than this coffee mug," Cap muttered. "Especially after how late we were chasing down those H.Y.D.R.A. scum last night."

"I'm serious. You _really_ need to see this."

"I really, _really_ doubt I need to see another funny cat video. The last six were plenty."

While those two squared off to argue, Thor snatched a packet of poptarts from a box in the kitchen cupboard. He opened the foil packet and stuck them in the toaster. Might as well try to break this up or he'd have to listen to them bicker all morning. So he joined them in the common room and laughed.

"The one with the mirror was good, you have to admit," he pointed out. "And the one with the tortoise. I could watch those again."

"Oh for the love of…it's _not_ a cat video," Nat sputtered in exasperation. "It's the video of the downstairs lobby."

"What could possibly be so interesting about _that_," Thor queried in mild confusion.

"Well, I'd say mostly because your brother is standing in it."

Everyone forgot about breakfast. Even Thor, who'd been looking forward to having poptarts since yesterday. Really needed to find a way to get them in Asgard. Not the highest priority on his mind just now, though. Far more important was finding out just what in the name of the nine realms Loki was doing on Midgard. He crowded next to both Cap and Stark, who were hovering over Nat to stare at the screen. The latter glanced at Thor with a quizzical expression.

"Any idea what he's doing here?"

"No." Thor squinted at the image, trying to make out whether Lilith was with his brother. She wasn't, making it all the more confusing what brought _him_ here. "But the Allfather must have let him through the Bifrost."

"You sure about that?"

"If he was here to cause mischief, you really think he'd waltz into the Tower and announce himself for our attention?"

"Who knows."

"Well we're not going to find any answers just staring at the video," Bruce pointed out. "Might as well go down and see what he wants."

Everyone exchanged questioning looks, wondering who'd volunteer to fetch Loki from the lobby. Before long, they were all directed at him. Might have been known they'd expect him to go. Probably best, anyway. Thor tried not to hear the 'pop' of the toaster behind him, announcing that his long-anticipated breakfast ready. It'd have to wait. With a sigh, he pushed away from the group and headed for the elevator.

"Yeah, I'm going. Be back in a few minutes."

The doors slid open. Thor stepped inside, punched the button for the lobby and propped himself against the wall as it sped on its way. In moments, the elevator reached the ground floor with a cheerful ping as the doors reopened. And there Loki stood, waiting like it wasn't anything out of the ordinary for him to be here. Neither of them spoke at first. But one of them had to start. Thor guessed it would have to be him.

"I've got just one question," he said, paused, then added," Just one that matters, anyway."

"Ask it."

"Are you here with Odin's permission or not?"

"I didn't hijack the Bifrost from under Heimdall's nose if that's what you're asking."

"I'm serious, Loki."

"All right, fine. After a lengthy discussion with the Allfather this morning, I won him over on the idea of my coming to Midgard. Satisfied?"

"For now, I guess." He dared ask the next thing he wanted to know. "And what of Lilith? Where's she? I would have thought she would have come with you."

A stricken look flashed over his brother's face at the mention of her name, which did not bode well for how he would answer. Thor hoped his cousin was well, but he couldn't shake the worry that something had gone wrong on Asgard last night. Loki still hadn't said anything.

"Brother?" he prompted. "Tell me- is she well?"

"She knows what we did to her…and why," Loki replied with a hollow laugh. "How do you _think_ she is?"

Now he really wished he hadn't been called away yesterday. It sounded like it was an eventful one on Asgard. Maybe he wouldn't have been able to help, but at least he could have been there to try.

"I take it that conversation went as badly as you had predicted it would."

"I've already had this discussion three times this morning- so you'll forgive me if I don't want to make it four."

"All right. So…can I ask why you're here, then?"

"Thwarting H.Y.D.R.A. seemed like the best use of my time, given the current situation in Asgard."

"You came here to _help_?"

Loki's bleak look shifted to annoyance. He shook his head muttering, "And that's the _third_ time I've heard that question today. I'm starting to tire of it."

"Well, you must admit that it comes as a surprise to hear you say such a thing- these last few months notwithstanding."

"I'm aware. Now do you want my help or not?"

He did, actually. They'd not gotten very far against H.Y.D.R.A. yesterday, and could use a different perspective in tackling the problem. So if Loki was willing to help, Thor was all for making use of it. But would the others? Selling them on the idea wasn't going to be easy, even after having told them about his transformation thanks to Lilith.

_Oh Hel…Lilith. Stark's surely going to nettle Loki over that the second we get upstairs. _Best to warn his brother now so he wasn't caught off-guard. That and he'd prefer to receive the lecture he was sure was coming to him without anyone else to witness it.

"I'd be glad of it," he began. "But you ought to know first…"

"What?"

"I may have let it slip to the others about you and Lilith."

"Let _what_ slip, exactly?"

"Pretty much everything."

"Thor! How could you even…why would you…?"

"They were agitated to discover the Allfather had set you free. I had no other way of convincing them that Midgard was safe."

"You seriously couldn't think of _anything_ else?"

"No."

"Well, this is going to try my patience much more than I'd planned. I'm sure the Metal Man will be especially irksome." He stalked towards the elevator. "And I swear if I hear that ridiculous nickname, I will not hesitated to make him sorry to have uttered it- promise to Frigga bedamned."

_I sure hope we're all ready for this, _Thor mused to himself. _The next few days promise to be a challenge._

She let go of the chart, and the bottom edge curled in on itself to form a scroll. He knew what was coming next even before she got up from the cramped worktable.

"I'm serious, Liam. We haven't heard from Lilith since the debacle with Ilsa and that prince. I'm worried."

Liam sighed in resignation. His beloved had been threatening for several days now that she'd try to open a portal to Asgard so she could find out what happened to Lilith. Today, she finally made up her mind to do it. He had tried to dissuade her, but to no avail.

It wasn't that he wasn't worried for their friends. He absolutely feared that something terrible had happened. How could he not after having shared that connection with his Asgardian double? He knew better than Lilith just how bad things could be. If Loki had revealed even half of his secrets that day or in the days since, the situation could be quite hopeless by now. So many terrible secrets.

_And yours are no less few or terrible._

Truer than he wanted to admit. His life before meeting Lilith had been far from admirable, and he hadn't disclosed most of it to her. So like the Asgardian prince, he feared the day those secrets would resurface. Liam knew they could potentially destroy everything he'd built in his new life with his Lady. He vowed to put that off as long as he could. And perhaps that was why he was so afraid of letting Lilith open a portal. He didn't want to see what fate awaited him when the lies ran out.

"Liam- are you even listening to me?"

"I'm sorry. Was thinking about what might have happened on Asgard and got distracted."

"See? That's why I need to at least _try_. What if Lilith needs our help?"

"What if Loki does? You didn't mention him."

"Yeah, well, I'm still not so sure about _him_," she grumbled with a frown. "I know you said you understood why he'd passed himself off as 'Ilsa', but since you can't tell me why, you'll forgive my inclination to worry about Lilith foremost."

"I told you, love, it's not safe until we're sure he's explained things to _her_. But I promise you that you've nothing to worry about his intentions. After all, he is me, isn't he? And you trust me, don't you?"

_Probably not a smart idea to remind her of that fact just now, unless you want it to backfire. What if she starts questioning _you? A distinct and altogether frightening possibility, but too late to take it back now.

"Yeah, I guess." She flashed him a determined glare. "But I'm still going to open the portal if I can."

"I'm not stopping you, Lilith. I just want to be sure we're doing the right thing."

"And I thank you for that. Now hush while I concentrate."

She closed her eyes and drew her brows together. Meanwhile, Liam held his breath and waited. Their cabin was utterly silent- not even the sound of gentle waves lapping against the hull. After a while, he thought to suggest she give up. Then the wall next to the wardrobe shimmered.

_Tides and swells…she actually _did_ it._

The shimmer grew brighter, and then cleared to a transparent pane to Asgard. On the other side, Lilith sat in her garden. Alone. She didn't seem to notice them at first, fingers brushing absently over delicate purple blossoms.

"Lilith?"

She looked up, obviously startled to hear someone calling her name. When she saw the portal, Lilith was no less surprised.

"Lilith? Liam? But…how…?" She stood up, brushing dirt from her pant leg. "I didn't open that."

"I did," his lady answered. "I _am_ you, so…"

"So the portal can work both ways," Lilith finished for her. "I hadn't thought about it that way, but it makes perfect sense." She paused, suddenly, as if struck by another revelation, and then repeated to herself, "The portal works _both_ ways."

"Is something wrong?"

"Huh? Oh…no. I- it's nothing."

_Not the truth, that's for sure._ Lilith wasn't the best of liars. At least not when caught off-guard, anyway. But Liam let that go. It served no purpose to rile her up over that before they found out about how things had gone with Loki.

"Okay, then."

"Is something wrong there," Lilith asked in alarm. "Is that why you opened a gate?"

"Actually, that's what I wanted to ask you," his Lady countered. "The confrontation with that prince who'd been posing as 'Ilsa' was weeks ago and we hadn't seen you since. I was worried."

"Weeks? I didn't think…" she stopped short and seemed to run a quick mental tally of the days. "Yeah, I guess that was ten days ago. I hadn't realized it had been that long."

"So?" Lilith seemed almost ready to burst with impatience. "What happened!?"

"A lot, actually. Which is why I haven't thought to reconnect with either of you, I suppose." Her next words came in a frantic rush, rather like one stream of constant thought that hurtled where it would. "What with the explanations and then the concert preparations. Then the whole thing with the dungeon and Danethar. And the dress shopping- almost forgot about that. The concert itself, though. That was…well…Oh, and the lessons with Sif and then he made that crazy promise to the Norns. If that weren't enough, I got myself in quite the mess over Othar last night and Urackbeld- precipitating some rather unpleasant orders from the Allfather's. And of course that ended with even _more_ explanations. Now he's gone to Midgard and I have no idea what to do about any of it."

Liam glanced sideways to Lilith, wondered if _she'd_ been able to follow _any_ of that. He sure as hell hadn't. Not after the first mention of 'explanations'. The rest had fallen on him with the force of a deluge. He'd barely caught the part about Danethar and the dungeons, and wondered how she'd found out about that. Doubtful that Loki had told her- unless he'd had to. But for all he _didn't_ understand from Lilith's speech, he could tell that the situation between her and his Asgardian double wasn't completely hopeless.

"Okay," his love drew out slowly. "So…not a whole lot of that made any sense. Can we back up a bit and take it slowly this time?"

"I could do it that way. Or…" she held up a hand. "I mean, if you truly want to understand, it would be fastest to take a more direct approach."

Liam wasn't too keen on that idea, worried what memories she might pass on. True that she'd been freed from that monster, Danethar, but the two of them hadn't made a physical link since before that happened. He had Loki's memories of that time. Even second- hand, those were bad enough. He spoke before his Lilith could get close enough to touch her.

"Lilith, are you sure that's a good idea? There are things you may not want to know."

Both of them considered him thoughtfully, but the Asgardian woman's gaze was far more perceptive. A wry smile tugged at the corner of her mouth and she turned to face Liam directly.

"Let me guess- you've done this yourself, haven't you?"

"Yes, I have. When you left last time, the gate stayed open. I wanted answers, and as you said- what better way to get them?"

Her expression upon hearing that was unreadable, but Liam swore she looked almost as if she wanted to ask something. But she didn't, shifting once more to his Lilith.

"He's right. I wasn't thinking because it was so long ago. But if we link again, you're going to inherit some very ugly memories."

"How ugly?"

"I…" she exhaled slowly. "Danethar nearly killed me; his methods were neither quick nor kind."

Brutally honest words, and yet sparse ones. Liam was glad she needed say no more to convey what happened to her that last horrifying day with the monster. But judging from the look on his beloved's face, she was not deterred by them. It would do him no good to try to talk her out of this, either. Not if her mind was made up.

"I'm not afraid," she told the Asgardian woman. "If I have to take the bad with the good, then it's what I'll do."

Their hands met and gripped each other tightly. _I hope you both know what you're doing._ To him, the time they stood linked seemed like forever; in reality, it lasted less than a minute. When the ordeal was over, Liam tried not to see the tears in his Lady's eyes. Or think about what she'd seen to put them there. _This had better have been worth it._ As for Lilith, she had only one question.

"When he gets back- are you going to tell him?"

"How can I? There's all that _other_ stuff in the way."

"Does any of it make a difference?"

"That's what I haven't figured out yet. Until I do…"

"I think you should, anyway."

"It wouldn't be fair…"

"Neither would keeping it to yourself."

Liam was feeling very much an outsider to their conversation, having no idea at all what they were talking about.

"Tell him what," he asked.

They exchanged a significant look he found worrisome, and then Lilith said, "We can't explain it to him, can we?"

"No, I don't think so. Not if I haven't talked to Loki first."

"That's what I figured. Sorry, my love," she said to him. "But this is just something you'll have to leave to me for the time being."

And since he'd said almost the same thing not all that long ago, he couldn't protest. Liam resigned himself to being kept in the dark about whatever they'd been discussing.

"Well, Lilith, I hope you figure it out before he returns."

"So do I."

"And since everything is well or as well as it can be under the present circumstances- I think Liam and I will leave you to work it out."

"Thanks. I'll be sure not to let so much time slip by before I check in with you again."

"See that you don't, or I'll have to do it myself again."

They smiled in unison at one another.

"Perish the thought. Until we meet again, my friends."

"Farewell, Lilith."

The elevator whisked them upstairs. Almost too soon for his liking, the doors opened to reveal the whole Avengers team. Waiting. As his gaze passed over them, Loki read everything from curiosity to skepticism to borderline hostility. He wasn't sure which of those would be the most trouble for him. Thor went on ahead, unbothered by their scrutiny. Typical. Not to be left behind, Loki stepped out of the elevator bay and into the room with the rest of them. Not a word to break the tense silence, and then Stark opted to be the first to speak up. No surprise there.

"So this is weird, right? Anyone else think this is weird?" No one answered, so he continued, "Yeah, I'm going to go with weird- enough to warrant a drink, I think."

"It's only eight-thirty in the morning," a blonde woman pointed out.

"I stand by my decision, Pepper. A drink it is."

"Tony, when do you _not_ think an occasion calls for a drink?"

"Hasn't come up before. When it does, I'll let you know." He shot Loki a look that spelled trouble. "What about you, R…"

"Don't say it," he and Thor interrupted him simultaneously.

"What?" the Metal Man protested innocently.

"You know what," his brother warned before Loki could give his scathing reply.

"Some fun you all are this morning. Fine, then. But just for that, I'm not offering to share. You'll all just have to make your own cocktails if you want one."

He disappeared behind the bar on the opposite side of the room, where they all heard the clinking of glasses and sloshing of liquor.

"So Thor," asked the one with the compound bow slung over his back. Loki couldn't recall his name, though he did seem to remember that one had been one of his puppets last time. Probably would explain why he looked the most hostile of the bunch. "You going to tell us what's going on? What's he doing here?"

_Not to mention the tone._

"Helping us with our H.Y.D.R.A. problem."

"If that's a joke, it isn't funny."

"No, Clint…" the Black Widow interjected. "I think he is serious."

While Clint continued to scowl, the one Loki knew as Captain America was merely thoughtful. Something told him the scowl was the lesser of his worries. That suspicion was soon proved right when his fair-haired friend put his question to Thor, gaze still fixed on Loki.

"Is this part of the whole 'new Loki' you were talking about? The one we have that Asgardian Lady to thank for creating?"

_So much for hoping I could come here to put Lilith out of my mind for the next few days. Not even a half-hour upon arriving and they've already managed to remind me._ He didn't answer the question, leaving that to his brother. It was his fault- he could deal with it as far as Loki was concerned. Thor was obviously wishing the topic hadn't come up just as much as him. But since it had…

"Well-"

"That's riiiight," Stark broke in before he could get more than a word out. "The _not_-girlfriend."

Loki threw him a killing glare, and aimed another at his brother for good measure. While Thor looked apologetic, the Metal Man only persisted with his intent to annoy him.

"I see she didn't come with you, R-" He stopped, swirled the ice in his glass, then queried in a nerve grinding tone, "Seriously, wouldn't it just be easier to let me say it?"

"_No._"

"But what am I supposed to call him?"

"Maybe his name," suggested the blonde woman again. Pepper, was it?

"I just don't see that working out. But anyway, back to my point. Didn't the Lady want to help just like you two?"

A few days of this and Loki wasn't sure whether he might be forced to break his promise. Because at the moment, he was very much picturing any one of a hundred ways to make the mortal suffer for that comment; the days with Danethar had expanded his knowledge quite a bit, so he had quite a repertoire of new skills at his disposal. The impulse to use that fire spell itched under his skin, but he ignored it. For Lilith's sake.

Was the remark irritating? Yes. But not worth what he could lose if his temper got the better of him. Everyone seemed to be waiting for him to do just that. _Sorry to disappoint you all, but I won't be goaded so easily._ Instead, he shrugged with feigned indifference.

"Lilith is needed back on Asgard. Besides, Midgard would need to be threatened by more than H.Y.D.R.A. before her skills would be necessary."

"Skills, you say? Thor didn't mention anything about that." _That's some good news._ "Well, unless you count what he's said she's done regarding you," Stark added. "Which I suppose could be considered a skill."

_He's not going to let that go, is he?_

"Yes, I'm sure Thor was quite detailed on that point. But if I understood correctly, you have an insurgency problem that needs solving. So wouldn't it be prudent to focus on _that_?"

"Tony, as much as I hate to agree with him, he's right."

"I'm with Bruce on this one," Nat agreed. "This really isn't the time for all that."

"Oh but…"

"_No_, Tony. Let it go."

"If you insist. Work first; fun later." He took a sip of his drink and turned away. "At this rate, I'll end up just like the rest of the nine-to-five crowd."

The rest of the group followed him, presumably to wherever their research and planning materials were stored. Loki picked up the rear with Thor. Otherwise, he might be tempted beyond his control, which wasn't all that great at the moment. This was not as easy as he'd expected it to be.

"Sorry, brother. Had I thought you might come back to Midgard so soon, I never would have told them- especially not the Metal Man."

"If it weren't this, it would be something else with him. We're just…"

"Too alike?"

"I'm going to pretend I _never_ heard you say that," Loki muttered darkly. "And I better not hear you say it again. He's-"

"Intelligent with an arrogant streak and a talent for irking the Hel out of everyone whenever the mood strikes? Tell me that doesn't sound familiar."

It did. Which is what made Loki all the more reluctant to admit Thor could be right. His day was already bad enough.

"Are you trying to make this worse?"

"Just a thought."

"Yeah, well, keep it to yourself."

They came to a large conference room, and Loki sat at the table. Thor chose one on his right; not surprisingly, the one on his left remained unoccupied. But Clint sat opposite him, still with the glowering. Stark pulled up a chair at the other end with Bruce and Nat, using the table surface for a footrest. The others filled in here and there. He'd have to learn their names, he supposed. Hadn't really bothered last time he was on Midgard, but if he intended to make this ally thing work, probably would help if he made an effort.

"JARVIS- cue up the video screens, would you?"

"Yes, sir."

"And can you have breakfast served in here? I think we were interrupted by the arrival of our newest guest."

"I'll see to that right away, sir. Shall I have a room prepared for Mister Laufeyson?"

"I suppose it's the hospitable thing to do."

"Very good, sir."

"Oh, and another drink?" He downed the last of his current one. "This one's empty. The good scotch, mind you."

"Of course, sir."

"Can we _please_ get to business," the blonde soldier boy insisted.

"Certainly, Cap. Any time."

"Brother," Thor prompted. "Is there anything in particular you'd like to see first?"

"The targets. What has H.Y.D.R.A. hit so far? I'll have a better sense what they're up to once I see that."

"Stark? Can you pull up the map and the files on each site? Side by side if possible."

"Kid stuff- I could do that with my eyes closed."

"Just do it and quit trying to show off," Pepper grumbled.

The requested information lit up on the video screens. Loki stood and moved closer to get a better look. He ignored the rest of them- even the Metal Man, though it wasn't easy- as he continued to study the patterns in the attacks. And a pattern clearly existed among what first appeared to be random targets. The picture of what H.Y.D.R.A. was doing materialized in his mind by degrees. Oh they were clever, and it was no wonder the Avengers were having trouble. A quick look round the table told him none of them had noticed just what the group was after. For the first time all morning, he smiled with satisfaction.

"So…I see what's going on here. Shall I begin?"

Night had fallen over Asgard. I'd spent the day wandering the palace after my conversation with Lilith and Liam. Most of that time, I thought about Loki and what I intended to say when he returned from Midgard. My Micharean counterpart had suggested that I tell him about my feelings even if I wasn't sure that I could get past the secrets he'd been keeping from me this past month. I knew I couldn't do that. So I had just this time- however long it might be- to come to terms with what he'd said. And what he hadn't.

At this hour, I was no closer to an answer than I had been this morning. For the moment, switched gears to something that might actually make progress. Having seen first-hand how Lilith could control the gate between Micharea and Asgard, I now considered the matter of Urackbeld from a new perspective. Had I created another 'double' in that realm as well? Maybe _she_ was behind the uncontrolled gate openings during my sleep.

_Only one way to find out._

I knew Loki would not have wanted me to do this, but if I was ever going to control Urackbeld, I needed to understand it. Exploring the realm when I was the master of my own mind was the only way to do that; dreams of the subconscious were too difficult to manage. Besides, I didn't intend to go far to find out what I needed to know. So I reached into my mind and found the link that would open the gate. It wasn't so easy to find Urackbeld as it had been yesterday. Without the rage to fuel my imagination, the connection faltered and nearly failed altogether. But I held on with determination until the gateway appeared.

The moment I opened my eyes to see it, I knew who would be waiting. She stood alone in that swirling sliver of our shared plane, eyes boring into me with all the cold malice I felt whenever I thought of Danethar and the men like him. _That is what I'd look like if everything else was stripped away. _Despite how few and far between, I at least had memories of more pleasant times to balance the darker nature lurking below the surface. More of them lately, I had to admit, thanks to Loki. _Now's not the time to be distracted by thoughts of him._

Because the Lilith of Urackbeld had none of those things_._ She embodied pain, rage and desolation- hating everything and everyone. Including me. Not the most admirable facet of my personality to witness. Nor was it the happiest of reunions.

"Why did you do it?" she demanded; I didn't pretend not to understand what she meant.

"I didn't know until it was too late."

"You left me here with _him_."

"And I'm sorry."

"Is that all you came to say? You're sorry?"

_This must be what it's like for Odin to deal with me._ I recognized myself in her outraged tone, throwing sharp-edged barbs at him and Frigga that first evening after I awoke in the infirmary. I could almost feel sorry for him. Almost.

"No, it's not. I came here for answers- and possibly to help us both."

"Answers to what exactly?"

"Are you the one opening the gate to Asgard when I'm asleep?"

A malevolently gentle smile curved her lips, but she said nothing. She didn't have to- that expression alone told me what I wanted to know. I didn't ask her why, either. Even if I didn't already know, the reasons didn't matter.

"I need you to keep the portal closed."

"Why should I?"

"Because I don't know what will happen to us if this goes on much longer."

"Why should _you_ escape this place? It's not like _I_ can ever get away from it. It's the same thing for me day after day."

"Is it?" I asked sharply, a suspicion growing in my mind. I pressed onward relentlessly. "Is it really the same? Or have things been getting worse? I know what I see in my nightmares, and they've become more violent every time I sleep. It's the same for you, isn't it?"

"Well…" she hesitated.

"Don't you see what's happening? You keep opening the gate to give me the nightmares of Danethar, and they just feed back into Urackbeld to make him even stronger. Your revenge on me is only serving to hurt you in the end."

Doubt flitted across her face, and I felt maybe she was ready to listen to me.

"What am I supposed to do, then," she asked despondently. "I can't go on like this. Can't you change it? Or get me out?"

I'd told the Allfather only last night that I didn't think Urackbeld would change, even if I tried. I was no less certain today that I could make a difference that way. As for helping her to escape…Lilith of Micharea had crossed into this realm for a brief time. But I didn't know how safe it would be to bring this Lilith into Asgard. Whether I liked it or not, she was part of Urackbeld, and I wasn't sure she could adjust to living somewhere else.

"I don't know."

"Then what good are you? You said you could help."

"And I think I can- just not the way you expect." I exhaled, and offered her something I hoped she might accept. "I've been talking to someone else like you. She's me- like you're me- only we're all living in separate realms. I always thought only I could call up the gates between her world and mine. And with yours. That was my error. I didn't understand what you are."

"What _am_ I?"

"Just what I said. Me. You're me, Lilith. And for good or evil, Urackbeld is _your_ realm. I created it, and have some control of it still- which is why it's getting worse when I keep having the nightmares- but it belongs to you. You can decide what happens. Or doesn't happen. _That's _the help I came here to bring."

"You mean…I can stop him?"

"I think if you put your mind to it, yes. Use the tools you have and I think you can make the best of this place."

A light flickered in her eyes and that smile returned.

"Like you used it against that other man yesterday. I was there, watching, even though I couldn't do anything. But you say that I could make Danethar pay…make them _all_ pay if I wanted."

She sounded far more eager to wield that power than I liked. Reminded me of the feeling I had yesterday with Othar. If I wasn't careful, she'd become a monster no better than Danethar.

"I'd be…cautious about how far you take that idea."

"They deserve to suffer."

"But at what cost?" I thought of the words Loki had whispered in my ear to stop me from destroying Othar. "You hate Danethar, yes?"

"No more than you do."

"I hate him not just because he hurt and tortured me, but because he enjoyed it. Did you hear the pleasure in your voice when you were imaging what you could do to him? That's not justice. That's you, sinking to his level. Whatever he's taken from you, none of it is as important as what you're about to give away. Then what will you have left?"

For a long time, those words hung between us. I wasn't sure if they'd made any impression on her, though I hoped they did. I was about to give up and consider the speech a failure when she finally spoke.

"You're thinking of the blue-eyed one from before, aren't you? The one I saw with you at the end."

Her tone was curious, and I did not deny that she was correct.

"Loki. And yes, I am. He knows better than I do what happens when you let the hatred of others change you. Not to mention the dangers of craving that kind of revenge."

"Who is he?"

"A friend." _And possibly something else._

"I could use a friend like that. What if you dreamed of him instead of Danethar?"

Now _there_ was a question. I'd just been trying to put an end to the nightmares, not to replace them with dreams of anyone else. Even if I could…no telling what they might be.

"I…I don't know."

"You dreamed of Danethar and brought him here. Is it that different?"

"Really, I don't…"

"Will you try?"

"I'll think about it, Lilith. I can't say that I'll try, or what might happen if I do. But I'll think about it." _Pretty sure I won't stop thinking about it now that she's asked the question. _Great, one more thing on my mind. "In the meantime, I have to close the portal and leave you. Will you promise not to reopen the gate when I'm asleep?"

"It will stay closed," Lilith answered quietly. "I just hope you're right."

"You and me both."

The plane grew opaque and faded. I was once again alone in my suite. For the first time in weeks, I didn't feel the familiar dread at the idea of sleeping. I walked into my bedchamber, changed clothes and sank into bed, exhausted. _Good luck, Lilith. For both our sakes._


	40. Chapter 39: Heart over Mind

I gathered up the last of the weeds I'd cleared from the flower beds and tossed them into a bucket. Other than that, little else needed done out here today. Mostly owing to all the time I'd spent out here over the past three days. I'd needed an outlet for the restless movement that came with mentally retracing every feeling and experience I'd ever had. Not just this past month- or since the beginning of summer. All the way back as far as I could remember. Which was growing by the day as more of my suppressed memories were returning. Indoor pursuits couldn't completely absorb it, and since I couldn't go train with Sif- or go anywhere else in the city- this was my only option when it came to the outdoors.

No matter where I _did_ go, though, reminders of Loki were my constant companions. In the library, the chairs where we'd spent hours debating books beckoned me. No different than the piano in the conservatory; I couldn't play it without remembering all the times he and I had practiced duets for the concert. Out here I felt his presence the most, and I couldn't deny I'd chosen to spend most of my time here for that reason. Together, we'd built this garden. I couldn't have done it alone.

"I see you've been busy out here these past few days, Lilith," a good-natured voice called out behind me.

I'd heard the footsteps, but hadn't bothered to turn around. Too many times I'd been fooled into thinking it might be Loki only to be disappointed. Today I vowed not to get my hopes up. And it appeared to be a wise decision, since I recognized the voice immediately as the chief landscaper's. Most everyone else passed by without bothering me, so I wondered what he might want. With as much of a smile as I could manage, I swiveled around to face him.

"Lord Gerrard. I wasn't expecting you." _Wasn't expecting _anyone_, really,_ I amended silently. "Were you here to see me for a particular reason?"

"Just one, and it's long overdue."

That sounded ominous, despite his cheerful tone. I wondered if he was going to tell me that I had to dismantle the garden. He'd never said much to me about my experiment since the day I argued with him about the Distar. Perhaps he'd finally decided he no longer had to humor me. I wouldn't make it easy for him if that were the case. Frigga would support me in keeping it, I suspected, if I put my plight to her. After all, she'd given me the land in the first place. Her decision should hold more weight than his. And if that didn't work- Hel, I'd even seek an audience with Odin before I gave in. Prepared for a fight, I crossed my arms and stared at him. The chief landscaper must have noticed my change in mood, and shook his head.

"I can guess what that look is about. Have no fear, I've not come to pick a fight with you. Actually, I've come to deliver you an apology."

"A what?" I asked incredulous.

"The Distar. I see now what you were trying to tell me those weeks ago." His glance roved over my garden, no trace of scorn or condescension in his voice as he mused quietly, "Perhaps I'd gotten too set in my ways to consider new ways of looking at things. It happens to the best of us, even when we try not to let it. So I'd like to thank you, Lilith, for showing me how I've let my complacency blind myself to plants deserving of a second chance."

Definitely not the speech I'd been prepared to hear, but was pleased by it nonetheless. _Too bad Loki wasn't here to witness it. I bet he would have loved to see Gerrard take back his words just as I predicted he would._ No use dwelling on that. Instead, my eyes swept over the tiered trellises, each laden with varying shades of lavender blossoms. Late summer flowers sprang up in their midst to provide texture and color contrast. This time, the smile curving my lips was far less forced than the last one had been.

"I'm glad to hear that you've changed your mind, although I'm not sure the palace grounds would need another garden featuring Distar as I have done. It does take a lot of work to maintain."

"Perhaps not, but maybe next spring you'd be interested in discussing new projects that might benefit from including it."

"Really?"

"In fact, I asked the Queen only yesterday if I could invite you to join the senior landscaper's council. We are always searching for new members. Obviously, your skills would be a great asset to us- and to Asgard."

Quite the offer. Serving on the council was a chance to do something I loved and provide a useful service to the realm. They not only designed projects for the palace grounds, but throughout the city as well. The Allfather called upon them for advice in times of environmental disaster, even. How could I possibly turn down such an opportunity?

"I'd love to, Lord Gerrard. But I should warn you," I added wryly, "We're bound to argue."

"Then you'll fit right in with the rest of them. When it comes to growing things, we're an opinionated bunch. The debate over the park on Mercer Square caused a row between Lady Mirah and myself that lasted two weeks."

That name was unfamiliar, but I found myself inclined to like her already.

"In that case, I'd be pleased to assist in any capacity I can."

"I'll have you included in our next meeting to introduce you to the others. It's set for two weeks from now." He bowed slightly and took a step back. "For now, I bid you good day, Lilith."

"Same to you, Lord Gerrard."

He retreated down the path, leaving me to my thoughts. So many possibilities had opened up so quickly. I was already thinking of projects that I would suggest to the council. I wanted to get started right away, wishing the meeting weren't so far away. _That is, if I can get the Allfather to lift his order about leaving the palace before they meet. _A momentary setback, but one I was sure I could overcome. Hadn't I already taken the key steps towards satisfying what worried him about Urackbeld?

I set those worries aside. More than anything- more than the ideas themselves or whether Odin would put an end to my confinement- I wanted to share my good news. With Loki. But he wasn't here, and I had no idea when he'd return. How I wished he would. That thought more than any other told me what I needed to know about my feelings- about what he'd said; about _him_. That night in the observation tower I hadn't been certain; now I was. I just hoped my decision hadn't come too late.

A celebratory mood pervaded throughout the Avengers tower. Why shouldn't it? After just four days of combat, H.Y.D.R.A. had been defeated and Midgard saved from their nefarious plotting. They had Loki to thank for that. Thor knew they'd never have unraveled H.Y.D.R.A.'s plans if not for his brother. Or if they had, he doubted they could have orchestrated a counter-attack that so efficiently dealt with the threat. As a tactician, Loki had really proven himself a master. Even the others had been forced to admit it- Stark included.

_If only that victory could have distracted him from his troubles with Lilith._

Oh his brother made a good show of enjoying the chance to give rein to his talents and be the one everyone listened to for his plans. But that's all it was. A show. Thor prided himself that over the summer, he'd become adept enough to discern the difference. Thanks to Lilith. He was convinced she'd changed him, too. Of course, recognizing that his brother was not as happy as he pretended to be wasn't exactly what Thor had been hoping for. Far from it. Every now and then when no one had been watching, Thor had seen glimpses of the misery Loki kept hidden beneath the mask. Like now, for instance. While everyone was glad to have defeated H.Y.D.R.A., his brother was obviously dreading this moment. It meant they had to return to Asgard, where he'd have to face Lilith.

"Another round!" Stark cried enthusiastically, though slightly tipsy as he did so. Not surprising, since he'd already consumed a generous quantity of scotch.

"Perhaps you should switch to coffee for a while," Pepper suggested as she gently pried the bottle out of his hands.

Poor woman. Thor did not envy her the task of rescuing Stark from himself. The man didn't seem to know when he'd hit his limits- or that he _had_ limits to begin with. Ever. Well, she _tried_ admirably to get him to recognize that he was only mortal like the rest of them. Succeeding was another matter. And from the look of it, Pepper wasn't going to be so lucky at the latter today.

"Nonsense!" He arched a brow at her provocatively, "Unless you were thinking to make it Irish."

"But, Tony…"

"It's a _celebration_." He reclaimed the bottle she'd confiscated from him and poured a round of shots. "Now, who's joining me?"

When no one answered, Stark scanned the room. Thor nearly groaned aloud when his gaze fell upon Loki, who was standing slightly apart from the rest of the group. _Please don't,_ he beseeched, knowing it was futile to hope it would work. Sure enough, Stark's eyes lit up and he snatched up two shots before making his way over there.

"This one's for you," he insisted as he thrust the glass at Loki.

"Thank you, but no."

"Hey, this is part of the deal."

"I beg your pardon?"

"We defeat our enemies and celebrate after. That's how this works. So if you're going to fight with us, _take the drink._"

Thor wasn't sure who was more bewildered, Loki or the other Avengers who'd been watching the exchange. For the past three days, those two had done nothing but grate on each other's nerves. But that remark sounded almost as if Stark considered Loki part of the team. Unusual, to say the least. _Maybe he's more drunk than he looks, _Thor mused. _Wouldn't be the first time._ His brother, meanwhile, didn't seem to know how to react. Stark didn't give him much of an option to refuse, though. He plunked one of the tumblers in Loki's hand and saluted with the one in his own.

"Come on, Loki. Just one teeny drink. Where's your sense of adventure?"

"I'm not sure this quite qualifies as an _adventure_," his brother remarked, staring in bemusement at the glass.

"It's a good start, wouldn't you say?"

"I suppose we'll see," Loki saluted back and drained the contents in a single swallow.

Stark followed suit, grinned, then declared loudly, "See? There's hope for you yet, Reindeer Games."

Oblivious to Loki's irate glare, he sauntered back to the bar to fetch another drink. The rest of the Avengers weren't so cavalier. Nat had been in the middle of sipping a gin and tonic, and nearly choked when she heard the comment from across the room. Her highball glass slipped out of her hands, shattering with deafening impact the second it hit the ground. Bruce knelt down to gather up the pieces while everyone else did their best to look _anywhere _but at Loki.

_Three days,_ Thor complained inwardly. _Not once in all that time did he say it, only to let it slip_ now. _And just when it almost sounded like Stark was a normal human being for once._ As usual, Pepper was the first to admonish him for his lack of manners, throwing him her most outraged look.

"Tony!"

"What?"

"We talked about this, remember?"

"About what?" He seemed genuinely confused. "What'd I do now?"

"Make a guess," Bruce said with a nod towards Loki, whose expression bespoke the god's absolute annoyance. "You've really done it now."

"Said it, didn't I?"

"Yeah, you did."

"I still don't see what the big deal is. No one calls Steve by _his_ name. What's the difference?"

Stark wasn't going down without a fight, it seemed. He crossed his arms triumphantly at Pepper as he made his point, while she let out an exasperated sigh. Thor waited to see how she would counter it. As for his brother, he was holding his temper in check. Admirable, given how much Thor knew he hated that wretched nickname. If their positions were reversed, he couldn't say he wouldn't have given the Metal Man a sound thrashing until he took it back. But it seemed he was about to get his comeuppance from Pepper.

"We call him Cap because he's our friend. _You're_ just being irritating on purpose to get a rise out of Loki."

"And I repeat, I fail to see the difference."

"Wait- just wait a damn minute," Clint interrupted before anyone else could speak. "Are you being serious, or are you just that drunk?"

"I'm serious," Stark protested. "And I am _not _drunk. Not yet, anyway."

"But then you really mean to say that you want to be friends…three days and you're just going to _forget_ everything?"

"I'm not _forgetting_…but seriously, how long are you guys going to hold a grudge? Besides, when he's not trying to wreck the property value of my building, he's all right. Reminds me of someone." The Metal Man paused thoughtfully, leaning against the bar to pour another measure of Dewar's for himself. "Me, I suppose. How could I _not_ like that?"

Thor didn't want to look, but he glanced at Loki, anyway. His brother was obviously not happy to hear that sentiment spoken aloud for the second time. Likely _less_ so, considering who'd just said it. At least it seemed to have taken his mind off the whole nickname issue. Not to mention captured the attention of the rest of the Avengers.

"Oh shit, he's right," Wanda swore. "I can't believe none of us noticed."

"Then perhaps it's a good thing they prefer plaguing each other rather than teaming up on the rest of us," Cap added.

_Stark and Loki. Co-conspirators…now _there's_ a terrifying thought. _ And one that the Metal Man took an instant interest in, his eyes bright with schemes Thor didn't even want to contemplate.

"Now that you mention it…" he began.

"Now look what you've done," Nat grumbled. "You just _had_ to give him ideas."

"I didn't mean to anything of the kind."

"Yeah, but that's a moot point, isn't it? I hope _you're_ the first unsuspecting victim."

"_Hey!_"

While the two of them bickered with each other, Stark was on his way back to Loki- another drink in each hand. _Oh gods, now what is he going to do?_ He really and truly hoped that whatever it was, his brother would be too annoyed to actually agree to it. If he had to pick between a fight and an alliance of untold havoc, Thor might actually wish for the former. At least it might be more…predictable. He held his breath and waited for whatever was about to happen.

"So you should think of it as a compliment, really," Stark said to Loki.

"A compliment," his brother repeated with a deadpan expression. "You can't expect me to believe that."

"Of course I do. Just ask the others- irritating people is how I display friendship." He held out the glass again. "C'mon…this scotch won't drink itself. Frightening thought it if did, actually."

To Thor's surprise- well, to everyone's really- his brother accepted the tumbler. Before finishing it, Loki cast Stark a mischievous look and said, "Well, in that case, I hope you'll be equally enthusiastic when I employ that same logic."

"We're doomed," murmured Wanda under her breath. To Thor, she added in an anxious whisper, "The two of you are leaving this morning, right? I don't want to find out what he means by that."

"Yes, we're due back to Asgard now that H.Y.D.R.A. has been taken care of. Heimdall should be opening the Bifrost shortly."

"Oh good."

"But surely you'll return again soon," insisted Stark, who'd overheard their conversation on his way back to the bar. "You don't have to wait for a catastrophe, you know. Maybe next time this mysterious Lady Lilith can join you."

"I must confess," Bruce chimed in, "I'm most curious to meet her, given what I've seen of Loki these past few days."

_And I'd like nothing better than to see Lilith fence words with the Metal Man._ If anyone could put him in his place, she certainly could. _That is, if she hasn't decided that we're finished. Would make for an awkward return visit if Lilith isn't speaking to me anymore_, Loki reminded himself dismally. That was the very least of his concerns right now, though. Visits to Midgard paled next to how her decision would affect life in Asgard.

The past three days with the Avengers had been a constant struggle not to think of what would happen when he and Thor returned. The closer the moment came, the harder it got. In fact, sparring with Stark was one of the few things that distracted him when they weren't busy dealing with H.Y.D.R.A. Not that Loki would ever _thank_ that braggart for his insolent antagonism, but a part of him _was_ grateful. Granted, not quite so grateful a moment ago when Stark had mentioned that damned nickname.

_Not to mention when he repeated the observation Thor made only a few days ago. If I didn't know better, I'd think my brother had something to do with it._ He didn't, though. But given the reaction from the other Avengers, now they were all thinking about what Stark had said. Not just thinking about it- _agreeing_ with him. So he supposed one good thing would come from leaving for Asgard if it meant he didn't have to hear much more on that subject. Then again…Loki admitted that he had been caught off-guard by the Metal Man's inclination to see him as something other than an adversary. Surprised enough to let the nickname issue drop for the time being.

A good thing for him, since I might have gladly broken his jaw a moment ago. Still wasn't sure he wouldn't the next time Stark uttered it in his presence. But for now, Loki would just see where this went. Since he arrived, the Avengers' reactions to him had varied. For Clint's part, still largely suspicious. The Black Widow, too, more often than not. But every now and then, she'd sided with some who weren't quite so wary. Wanda and Pepper being two of the most welcoming. _Unless I concede that the Metal Man is telling the truth._ Loki wasn't sure how Bruce felt, generally keeping his distance. One battle with 'the other guy' was enough.

Despite the uneven reception to him personally, they'd accepted the help he offered with H.Y.D.R.A. And they definitely had great need of it. The assemblage of mortals weren't completely hopeless- as much as he hated to admit it- but when it came to understanding how an adversary like H.Y.D.R.A. thinks, they were at a disadvantage. Nat was the nearest to comprehending it; she had been able to tease out key motives with him during his previous stay on Midgard, after all. But even the Black Widow wouldn't have puzzled out the answer in time. At least not while there was enough of Midgard left that was worth saving.

In truth, Loki had enjoyed the experiment far more than he expected. As much or even better than devising his own schemes. Not just foiling H.Y.D.R.A., but also the challenge of working as part of a team instead of on his own. More than a few times, the temptation to wrest control from the Avengers had whispered in the back of his mind. And each time, he'd fought against it resolutely. Loki couldn't deny that perhaps it was for that reason, he'd finally seen one of his ideas succeed according to plan. Conversation pulled him out of those thoughts and back to the present.

"Do you think she'd come?"

"I don't know, Cap," Thor replied with a shrug.

Eyes turned to Loki as they expected him to offer his opinion. He tried to sound more positive than he felt as he answered, "She might be persuaded, if asked." _Or she might not._ "We'll certainly put the suggestion to her once we've returned to Asgard."

Right on cue, the Bifrost opened out on the terrace. Loki regarded it with no small measure of dread. Had three days been enough time? If it wasn't, he'd have to take the Allfather up on that assignment to Utgard. Better to risk a poor trade agreement with Skrýmir than to precipitate any number of disasters by staying in Asgard. But suppose it was…was he ready to hear what Lilith had to say? No choice. His time was up.

"Well, seems like you're about to get that opportunity. It's been interesting, as always."

"A bit more interesting than usual, I'd say," Nat amended.

"True," Stark admitted, raising yet another glass in their general direction. "I wouldn't have it any other way. Now go on. We'll keep on celebrating, and I'll be sure to drink a few in your stead."

"For Pepper's sake," Thor replied with a pointed glance at the tumbler in Stark's hand, "Make mine coffee."

With that, and a chorus of other assorted goodbyes from the Avengers, they crossed the Bifrost and found themselves back in Asgard. A far different departure than the one Loki had gotten last time. Strange and yet he couldn't say he was displeased by it. Rather, the feeling reminded him of Lilith's when they'd entered the dining hall after the concert. If she'd found the attention from Asgard's nobility unusual after a life of obscurity, Loki found the amiable farewell with the Midgardians just as bizarre.

Heimdall gave a shout of greeting to them, so Loki followed Thor to the guardhouse. The warrior eyed them both for a minute or two before addressing Thor, "That business with H.Y.D.R.A. took a bit longer than planned."

"They were not so easily defeated. It didn't take long to understand why the Avengers sent for help."

"Indeed," Heimdall noted. "The Allfather wants to see you."

"A report on how things went, I shouldn't wonder. We'll be up there to give soon enough. I want to check in with my men at the barracks, and I'm sure Loki and I could do with a bit of a rest first."

"His instructions were specific, Thor. You, alone. Immediately upon your return."

Loki was instantly alarmed. Odin would want to see his brother alone for only one reason. He wanted to ask Thor about him, of course. Likely prying for anything that might be taken as a sign he'd had intentions of mischief. Sadly, he _hoped_ Odin was only interested in interrogating his brother about Midgard. Better than the alternative; what if the summons was about Lilith instead? He couldn't help noticing Heimdall hadn't said what the Allfather wanted Loki to do upon return to Asgard. Was that next? He didn't have time to ask, since Thor was already grumbling about his orders.

"Immediately? What couldn't wait a half hour or so for me to get settled?"

"I'm only telling you what I received from the palace."

"I know, Heimdall, I know. All right, well, I might as well get moving. Sooner I do, the sooner I get this over with. See you around, Brother."

Loki nodded, but said nothing as Thor strode out of the guardhouse. When he'd gone, that left only the two of them. Disinclined to be the first one to break the silence, he waited for Heimdall to speak.

"So you're back, then."

"Did you think I wouldn't be?"

"I think some might have worried about it, but I wasn't. I knew you'd return."

"And so I have." He hesitated. "Though I can't say some might wish I had stayed away a while longer. Or maybe preferred I didn't come back at all."

"You mean Lilith."

Loki merely offered him a drawn smile. Who else would he have meant? Another long silence stretched between them. Heimdall looked as if he might say something a few times, but held it in before the words escaped him. Likely about whatever he'd seen in the days Loki had been on Midgard. He couldn't bring himself to ask what it might be, sure knowing wouldn't be a comfort to him in the end.

"Then what are you still doing here," the Watchman asked at last. "She's up at the palace- in her garden last I saw."

"Will she want to see me, though," he queried half to himself.

"You won't find out from the Bifrost."

"No, I wouldn't expect so. And even if you _could_ tell me, I wouldn't want you to." He sighed, heading for the archway. "Until we meet again, Heimdall."

He'd almost quitted the guardhouse when the warrior spoke, "I don't know what Lilith will say, Loki, but I can tell you one thing."

"And that is?"

"The nightmares have stopped."

"You mean…stopped?"

"The day you left. Not one since."

He wasn't sure how to take that piece of news. On one hand, Loki was glad to hear that Lilith hadn't been tormented by dreams of Urackbeld. Worries about that had kept him awake most nights on Midgard, knowing that with him gone, she might become trapped. But it wasn't a comfort to know she'd only stopped having them after finding out he'd left Asgard. Would they return now that he was back? Heimdall must have seen those thoughts in his expression.

"The garden, Jotun," he reiterated. "I suggest you seek it out."

"I shall."

_And may the gods grant me the courage to hear what Lilith has to say when I get there._

To his eye, Thor seemed agitated. Unusual for him, given that his son was easy-going by nature- except when Loki goaded him beyond even Thor's limits. Possible. They'd just spent three days on Midgard, and their difference in temperament was bound to cause some friction. Odin was glad it wasn't any worse. Heimdall had informed him that Loki hadn't engaged in any serious mischief during his time away from Asgard. He'd said he wanted to help the Avengers, and he'd done just that. Nothing more.

"You wished to see me," Thor stated in a tone that was a step or two shy of polite.

"Do you have a problem with that, my son?"

"It's been a long four days on Midgard and I could use a break before giving you a report, that's all. It'd be different if the venture had gone badly- then I could see the importance of an immediate meeting. But everything was fine. I could tell you that just as easily this afternoon."

"I can appreciate the inconvenience of the timing. Nevertheless, I felt it wisest to meet sooner rather than later."

"And do I bother asking why you wanted to speak to me alone? Loki was there just as much as I was." He frowned. "Or was _that_ what you wanted to discuss?"

"Heimdall has already kept me informed of the general events that took place on Midgard."

"I see. So you don't want to know about H.Y.D.R.A., you want me to tell you about my brother."

"I wish you wouldn't make it sound like an accusation, my son."

"I resent that you're using me to spy on him. If you were so concerned about what he'd do on Midgard, you shouldn't have sent him. It's not like you didn't have Heimdall keeping watch, anyway. If _he_ didn't see anything, I don't understand what you expect _me_ to tell you."

"If you'll just calm yourself, I can tell you that's not what interests me."

"Then by all means, tell me- what does interest you?"

By the gods, lately it seemed all of his children had become an argumentative bunch. Loki had always been outspoken about his opinions- and most often against Odin's whenever he could- but now Lilith and Thor seemed to join him. Such upheaval in the palace he'd never expected. But it was the lot drawn, so Odin shouldered it as best he could and tried not to sigh aloud.

"Your honest opinion of your brother's contributions to the ordeal with H.Y.D.R.A.," he began firmly, hoping to dispel Thor's indignation. "I'd like to know how well his talents and skills work when he's cooperating for the general good as opposed to undermining it. My hope is that we could convince him to use both here in Asgard."

"Honestly?"

"Yes, my son."

Thor rubbed the back of his neck with his hand and blew out a breath in a huff. The flash of temper had passed, and now he seemed engrossed in his own thoughts. Odin waited patiently, allowing him the time to compose his answer. When Thor gave it, it was more than what he'd expected.

"I wish we could have had the use of his strategic brilliance during the skirmish with the Dark Elves just before summer. We would have sustained far less losses with greater victory- and likely sooner, too." Thor paced a circle as he continued, "Loki was invaluable in sorting out H.Y.D.R.A.'s intent on Midgard. I daresay we'd still be fighting if not for his help. And I don't like to think of the innocent lives that would be in jeopardy- if not lost altogether- if that were the case."

"High praise."

"Loki deserves it, Allfather." Thor shrugged. "I would have never thought it possible, either. But it's true."

"Tell me- how did the mortals handle your brother. And he them?"

"It started out a bit uneasy. On both sides, I suspect. I don't think he's quite used to trying to fit in, and the Metal Man didn't help much with his antics. As for the others…they can't help some hard feelings after the previous encounter." He paused thoughtfully. "By the end, though, you might say things improved. They invited the both of us back to Midgard. And Lilith."

"Is that so?"

"Yes. The Avengers are all very keen to see the Lady behind Loki's…dramatic transformation, you could say. I wouldn't put it past Stark to conjure up a reason why the three of us need to visit Midgard in the near future, just as a warning. I don't think he'd purposefully incite trouble, but I could see him exacerbating a situation if he thought it might get our attention."

_I suppose every realm has its share of troublemakers. But I will have to think carefully before I would let Lilith out of Asgard, even if the Midgard might need her._ Odin was far more wary of her than even Loki at this point, having not forgotten about the portal to that realm she'd called Urackbeld. While Loki and Thor were combating H.Y.D.R.A. on Midgard, he'd not had any luck speaking with her about it or any of her other realms. Neither had Frigga. Until they understood her powers better, she would remain here in the palace- forever, if need be. _I hope it doesn't come to that._

They were both silent for a short time. For Odin's part, he was considering everything he'd heard. Encouraging, to say the least. As Thor had said, letting Loki go to Midgard had been a risk. Not even two months ago, the idea would have been inconceivable. A push this soon might have been too much temptation to wrest control of the realm. Especially when things between Loki and Lilith were so…uncertain. The risk had been worth it, given Thor's account. Odin was glad. For Midgard's sake; glad for Loki's sake as well.

"Speaking of Lilith," his son asked tentatively. "How is she? Loki told me what happened the night of the concert. Well, as much as he was going to tell anyone, anyway. I'm sure there's more he didn't say."

"Nor will he ever, I imagine."

"He's been dreading our return."

"I'm sure he has."

"Frankly, I'm surprised he didn't plan a longer siege on H.Y.D.R.A. to put it off as long as possible. He could have if he'd wanted to and none of us would have been the wiser."

"But he didn't."

"No." Thor cast him a speculative look. "Should he have? Are things between them as bad as he fears them to be?"

If Frigga's instincts were to be believed, Odin hoped that the reunion would be met with joy instead of despair. The few times he'd seen her, she didn't seem angry- at Loki, anyway. Her fury with _him_ remained unchanged. That didn't mean she'd forgive Loki, though. In the end, he could only hope all would be well.

"Alas, I cannot say with confidence either way, but your mother has given me good reason to hope."

"What did she say?"

"It wasn't so much what she said, but an impression."

"I left Loki on the Bifrost with Heimdall," Thor mused after a short pause. "Wonder if he'll seek her out."

"I'd rather hoped he would if I asked to speak with you alone," Odin admitted. "I suspect she is ready to give her decision either way. A delay will only prolong his misery; it won't change her answer."

"Then I shall hope, like you, that he won't be disappointed."

The hours passed, sun climbing in its familiar arc to just past the zenith. I hadn't gone in for the mid-day meal, preferring to remain out in the garden. Even if my activities consisted primarily with sitting among the flower trying not to think about when Loki would return for the tenth time today. _Okay, the hundredth time,_ I sighed to myself. Might as well just go in; I couldn't concentrate enough to do any real work out here.

I gathered up the gloves and small gardening tools before getting to my feet. One last look around, then I'd go. Smiling wistfully, I brushed several Distar blossoms with my fingertips and turned around. The bundle of tools slipped out of my hands to the ground with an unceremonious thump. I stared, unbelieving, at the very last person I'd ever expected to see. As if my thoughts alone had conjured him back from Midgard.

Loki.

And yet despite the less than a half-dozen steps between us, I could feel a barrier there that hadn't existed before. His past and mine. Neither of us seemed able to cross it, nor even speak to one another through it. We just stood there, staring wordlessly. I knew Loki's reasons. They shone plainly in his eyes; he had come here expecting me to say that I'd never forgive him. As for mine…I didn't know how to begin- or _where_. Three days I'd thought of nothing other than what I'd say when I saw him again. But my carefully rehearsed words had all gone, leaving my mind utterly blank.

Well, not entirely blank. One spark ignited as I recalled my conversation with Frigga that first morning. Not the first thing I'd intended to bring up, but the words came out before I could reconsider them.

"You almost died."

_Or phrase them in a way that makes _any_ kind of sense at all,_ I continued inwardly in afterthought. Loki was definitely confused, but at least I'd broken the unbearable silence.

"What? On Midgard?" Loki asked once he'd gotten over his shock. "That wasn't even close to dangerous. I was fine."

"Not on Midgard," I swore at him in an unexpected flash of temper.

"Then…?"

"Danethar's. The night of his initial hearing."

"Oh." His eyes widened as comprehension dawned. "How did you know about that?"

"Frigga told me. The morning after the concert." Loki made a move as if to say something, but I wouldn't let him interrupt. "And before you go blaming her, don't. I coerced her into telling me."

"You're angry," he countered incredulously. "Out of everything, you're angry about _that_?"

"I'm not angry. I'm _furious_."

"But why? I'm not dead. Neither are _you_, I might add."

"Because you _could_ have been, and how could you have even been sure I'd have survived, anyway?" The fear fueling my anger crept into my voice and softened it to a heartfelt sigh. "Loki, you could have thrown away a second chance. For nothing. Even if I'd still survived- what would have been the point of all I'd been through if you were deprived of that opportunity?"

For a second or two, Loki blinked at me in surprise. His response was no less earnest as he asked me, "Lilith, what would the point of a second chance have been if you hadn't been part of it?"

Tears threatened- happy ones, for once. My throat constricted with the effort of holding them back, and so my reply came out slightly hoarse. But I had to push through it and say what I knew I wanted to say now.

"You left without saying goodbye."

"I…" he faltered a moment. "…couldn't."

"What if Midgard had proved to be more dangerous than any of us thought and the last words we had were in the tower?"

"I didn't want them to be. I don't want _any_ of them to be the last." Loki let go of an unsteady breath. "But if a goodbye is what you want, I'll say it."

I shook my head at him. "No, I don't want this to be goodbye."

"What do you want, Lilith?"

"What you said before- to be part of your second chance. To make the most of my own. I don't know what I'll do with it, but I can't think of anyone else I'd rather have with me while I find out."

The words were said. After so many weeks of keeping them locked in a secret corner of my heart, they were out in the open. So naturally, I was terrified. Had I misjudged how he felt? What if Loki hadn't meant to be more than friends? What if he _did_? I wasn't sure which prospect scared me more, but he didn't leave me in suspense for long. One forward step and we were a hair's breadth apart. I had to tilt my head back slightly to look him in the eye. Loki's right hand stretched out to skim lightly over the curve of my cheek before resting tenderly against my temple.

"I was sure you'd hate me," he murmured as his gaze lowered. "If I hadn't done all those terrible things…"

When his words failed him, I only smiled to myself. Loki couldn't see it, though, seemingly unable to look at me. On impulse, I dared try something that might change that. Something I'd wanted to do for a long time. My fingers sifted through his hair; raven silk, just as I'd always imagined. As for Loki, he'd been thoroughly shaken if his expression was any indication. At least now he was looking at me instead of the ground.

"The past," I replied softly. "And if it had to be _that_ past that brought us to _this_ present…I wouldn't change it for any other."

Lilith didn't hate him. She wanted a second chance for both of them. More than that- she wanted to spend it together. Loki could scarcely believe it to be true. But somehow, inconceivably, it was. Lilith couldn't know how much her words- and the feelings conveyed in them- meant to him. More than he could ever express.

"For once, Lilith, I won't argue with you," he answered, returning her smile.

A touch of mischief flashed in hers as she said, "As if I was going to let you. It's _my_ turn to be right, anyway."

"Just like you were right about the Distar."

"Hmmm?"

"Do you remember the first time you described it to me?"

"Of course I do- the day you arrived at the house as 'Ilsa'. Why?"

He glanced at the garden around them before returning his eyes to hers. Since dropping the guise of 'Ilsa', he hadn't been able to spend as much time here with her. He'd missed watching those fragile seedlings blossom with all their mature beauty. Truly, she'd done what no one thought possible with the plant. Because she'd seen it differently than any of them ever could.

"The way you spoke about Distar then- and the few times since- Lilith, I've often felt strangely akin to it. Seen as something to be controlled or destroyed just for being what I am. Because I'm different from what they want and expect me to be. But you," he continued. "You saw me for what I am and was willing to work with it. Like the Distar in your garden."

"I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything, Lilith."

They stood in the midst of her garden for some time, not a word or shift in position that would break the moment. Could have been a few minutes; could have just as easily been longer. Or forever for all he cared, not wanting to do anything to end it. Well, that wasn't quite true. Loki did want just one more thing- he just wasn't sure he ought to…_to Hel with it. I'm doing it, anyway._

He lowered his head and brushed his lips over hers. The weeks of yearning and hoping, now fulfilled as he'd never dreamed- all those things he poured into that kiss. And although Lilith was surprised, she didn't pull away. Her left hand slid upward, fingers interlacing with her other hand at the nape of his neck. His settled against her lower back, though he didn't remember moving it. Loki hardly noticed anything beyond Lilith's mouth yielding beneath his own.

The moment was everything he could have wanted, and then Lilith surpassed even that when kissed him back. Tentatively at first, but with more enthusiasm as her confidence grew. She arched into him and Loki drew her even closer, caught up in her display of passion. If he'd been thinking clearly, losing control might have struck him as dangerous. But Loki was conscious only of the woman in his arms and the dizzying speed of his heartbeat.

"Loki?" she queried in a tremulous whisper. "Loki, I…"

Reality came rushing back at the sound of Lilith's voice. He withdrew slightly- enough to look at her. Passion had darkened her eyes into twin pools of sapphire. Beneath that, though, uncertainty. Thankfully not fear, but Loki still felt a twinge of guilt. He'd taken them one step further than he intended. His hands found hers and drew them down between them, caressing the backs of her knuckles with his thumbs.

"I'm not asking for more than you can give, Lilith. I just got a little…carried away."

The uncertain look vanished as she insisted, "You mean_ we_ did. I-" a lightning-hot flash sizzled in her eyes- "I didn't know I could be like that."

Neither had he, actually. Certainly _hoped_, but hadn't counted on the possibility- especially not so soon. Loki was never happier to have miscalculated something in his life. From Lilith's expression, she found the surprise no less pleasing. He couldn't resist saying so.

"I hope you enjoyed the discovery as much as I did," he quipped with a wicked grin.

"_Enjoy_ might be too tame," she replied with a slight blush that Loki found very appealing. "But since more suitable alternatives fail me at the moment, enjoy it is, then. And yes…I did."

"Maybe next time you'll think of the right word. Until then…" He kissed her again, briefly, and stepped back before he was tempted to do any more. "Perhaps that'll be inspiration enough in the meantime."


	41. Chapter 40: Battles Won

Thor and Loki had returned from Midgard several hours ago, and no one had seen the latter since he stepped off the Bifrost. Expected at first, but as the hours had passed with no word, an uneasy feeling had settled over the palace. Thor had gone back to Heimdall for help. When asked, Asgard's watchman had said Loki had gone to see Lilith. He gave no indication how that meeting went or where either of them were. Frigga wasn't so sure if he couldn't, or _wouldn't_. Either way, she worried.

She'd been so sure she wouldn't have to, and that made it all the worse. After she and Lilith spoke over breakfast several days ago, Frigga had been certain that the young woman's feelings for Loki would transcend any enmity she might have. Or at least that was her hope when she'd told Lilith about the healing that had saved her life- not to mention what it had nearly cost; Lilith's reaction gave Frigga reason to believe her son had a chance. Had she been mistaken? She turned to Thor for the tenth time to repeat her concerns.

"You're sure Heimdall didn't know where they were?"

"Mother, for the last time, yes. Asking me again won't change the answer. He doesn't know and neither do I."

"But you're _sure _he went to go see her?"

"Heimdall said he did."

Servants arrived to lay out the first course of the evening meal. Although they were generally discreet, better to wait for them to retreat to the kitchen before pursuing the subject. When they'd gone, she pressed with her next question.

"But he didn't elaborate where?"

"No, he didn't," Thor replied shortly. "If he did, trust me, I would have said so by now."

"My Queen, you are only making yourself more upset by dwelling on things we can't possibly know," Odin admonished her gently.

"I know, husband, but I just have this awful feeling…"

"So do we all. But whatever's happened- or is about to- isn't in our power to control. We've done all we can; it's up to Lilith now."

She wanted to be comforted by that thought, but just couldn't ignore the doubt that had crept into the back of her mind. Frigga toyed with the fork in her right hand before letting out a frustrated sigh.

"I just wish Thor had been able to find them. I'd be less worried if we at least knew _where_ they were."

"Me, too, Mother. But I checked the library and the music room. Their suites were empty- I even tried a few other places in the palace I thought they might be. All in vain."

Frigga sat a little straighter as she was struck by what her son _hadn't _said about his search. Just to be sure…

"What about Lilith's garden," she asked. "Did you see any sign of them there?"

"I…" he looked sheepish. "I confess I didn't think of that. Now that you mention it, I don't know even where her garden is."

Which likely explained why his search had come up empty. Frigga knew that the woman had been spending most of her time there over the past few days. If she'd been looking for her, the garden would have been her first choice. No doubt it would have been Loki's, too. Question was- were they still there now? She almost considered asking Thor to make a trip to find out.

The doors opened, rendering her concerns moot as the pair in question entered the room. One look at Loki and she knew how Lilith had decided. _Thank the gods, _Frigga thought with no small amount of relief. Seeing them together, she couldn't resist smiling softly to herself. Especially at the openly possessive way Loki's arm wrapped around Lilith's waist. She wasn't the only one to notice, and it wasn't long before all eyes had turned to them. Lilith blushed uncertainly, but did not shy away from his attention- or theirs.

Thor was the first to comment, giving voice to what all of them wanted to say. His tone was nothing short of jubilant as he offered his congratulations.

"It looks like the Avengers aren't the only ones with something to celebrate today, Brother."

Loki glanced at the woman on his left and smiled. Without taking his gaze away from her, he answered, "Celebrate might be too tame a word, but it'll have to do until I can think of a better one."

Lilith gasped audibly and her cheeks flushed a deeper shade of pink. Frigga was extremely curious to know what lay behind _that_ reaction. _Surely nothing of _that_ nature could have happened so soon, could it?_ She studied them more closely, but was convinced that it couldn't be. And yet Lilith understood _something _the rest of them didn't about what Loki had just said. Neither were inclined to explain, and Frigga didn't dare ask. Thor was just as reluctant to pursue that line of inquiry.

"Um, okay…don't think I'm going to ask what you mean by that," he said.

"Private joke, Thor," Lilith managed to reply, while still staring at Loki. Her tone held a touch of warning as she continued, "And it's going to _stay_ that way, right?"

"Of course."

The god's impish smirk belied the sincerity of his promise, and she was by no means fooled by it. She rolled her eyes at him, slipped out of his reach and approached the table. As she alighted on a chair opposite Frigga, Lilith muttered with a wry grin, "Don't even know why I bothered."

Loki sat down next to her, earning himself a sharp glance.

"I was only teasing," he protested.

"You'd better be."

Thor shrugged his shoulders at their lively banter and laughed, "Well, I sure hope Stark knows what he's in for by inviting the both of you to the Tower."

"Say what," Lilith queried in surprise.

"Before we left, the Avengers extended an invitation to come back any time. It included you, Cousin."

"An invitation to Midgard." Frigga heard the wistful tone in her voice. "I've always wanted to see it, you know."

Frigga was sorry that the offer her son thought would be a wonderful surprise would only serve as a bitter reminder of recent events. Even sorrier that he had no way of knowing that he was about to bring anguish instead of joy. But she knew Odin couldn't allow it. And so before Thor forged ahead with any plans to make that dream a reality, Odin interrupted him. As she'd known he would; just as Lilith and Loki had known, too.

"I'm afraid for Lilith, visiting Midgard will have to wait. If it is possible at all."

"What do you mean? Why wouldn't it be?" Thor asked, confusion plain. "You let Loki go, so why can't Lilith?"

"Lilith's been restricted to the palace," Loki supplied by way of explanation. "She's not allowed to leave the grounds- even to the city. Which makes a journey beyond Asgard quite impossible."

"Confined to the palace? By who?" Loki said nothing, merely nodding towards Odin. "Father did this? But _why_? Just what in the Hel happened while I was away?"

The room, which had been cheerful just moments ago, was suddenly filled with shock and outrage. Thor looked ready to thunder around in a foul temper; his brother wasn't helping any by egging him on. And while Odin bore it in stoic silence, Frigga was reminded of the night of the concert. If someone didn't do something to curb the growing antagonism, she expected the situation to turn ugly very quickly. Help came from the most unlikely source. Lilith chose to intervene, acting as the voice of reason.

"Quite a bit, Thor, if you'll just listen."

"How are _you_ okay with this?" He demanded incredulously.

"Okay, first off, I'm _not_," she retorted in a steely tone. "But I've already done my yelling about when all this happened- four days ago. I've had time to think of a more constructive approach."

"Yeah, well, I haven't, seeing as I'm just finding out about this. And it's got me a little pissed off right now."

"While I appreciate the sentiment, your being angry isn't going to help, Thor. Besides," she added after shooting Odin a determined look. "I have what the Allfather wants, and expect once I give him proof of it, he'll change his mind on the issue."

Frigga was more than a little surprised at Lilith's declaration, as was Odin. They had anticipated weeks or months before she would have enough confidence in her ability to make such a move. Loki didn't look quite as stunned. What did he know already? She supposed they would find out soon enough. Meanwhile, Thor was only further confused.

"What _issue_?"

Lilith turned to Loki and said, "You really didn't tell him _anything_ about this while you were on Midgard? Not any of it in three days?"

"The subject didn't come up. We were rather busy with crushing an insidious terrorist group, if you recall."

"All right, I'll give you that." She pressed her fingertips to her temples and sighed. "Okay, so without going into all of it, I have been opening gates to a realm besides Micharea. It's called Urackbeld, and it's as dangerous as it is unpleasant. The Allfather has concerns about my control over that particular gate, and decided it was best to keep me in the palace until he was satisfied Asgard is in no danger from it."

Thor was not wholly placated by her brief account, but at least his anger had abated. He was still muttering something under his breath when she continued.

"Which brings me to something I wanted to ask." Lilith turned to Odin. "I'd like an audience with you, Allfather, to continue the discussion that ended so abruptly a few nights ago."

"I take it you have some significant news to relate on the subject?"

"I know how to keep the gate to Urackbeld closed," she stated quietly. "And I've kept it closed for several days."

After a pause, he asked quietly, "And nights?"

Out of the assembled group, only Thor didn't understand the significance of that question. Frigga knew that Odin hadn't wanted to dredge up the issue of her nightmares again so publicly, but he had no choice. For her part, Lilith showed no signs that she was bothered by it. Her gaze was steadfast and unwavering.

"Yes."

"I must confess that I find it difficult to credit, given your struggles with this particular gate up to this point."

"It's true," Loki interjected. "Heimdall told me today on the Bifrost that he's seen no evidence of contact with Urackbeld."

Now Lilith was taken by surprise. But after a quick darting glance at Loki, she focused again on Odin. Silence fell on their conversation while she considered the information. When she came to a conclusion, she didn't look particularly thrilled.

"I gather you've set him to watching me just in case, right?"

"No, actually. I hadn't intended to speak to him on the subject until Thor and Loki returned from Midgard."

With that theory dispelled, now Lilith turned back to Loki with an arched eyebrow.

"Dare I ask if you had a conversation with the Watchman before you left?"

"A brief one, but not about Urackbeld." When she grew increasingly puzzled, he added, "I'm not sure what you expected, Lilith. You gave Heimdall reason to take notice of you with that oath he swore. Did you think he was going to stop paying attention just because you returned to the palace?"

"I…I guess I hadn't thought about it."

Frigga suspected that Lilith would be visiting the Bifrost the first opportunity she had to leave the palace. She was likely wondering just how closely Asgard's watchman was following her. And even more importantly, just how much the God of Mischief was privy to what Heimdall had seen. Loki must have suspected the same.

"I know how that sounds…"

"Hmmm…perhaps we'll trade theories on that topic later. Maybe after I shake off this confinement, since then we could have it on the Bifrost where Heimdall can weigh in with his opinion." Loki did not look at all eager to have that conversation. But Lilith had already moved on, addressing Odin once more. "So, will you consider it, Allfather?"

"I will need more information before making a decision, Lilith."

"I expected you would, and I'm happy to provide it whenever is convenient."

"Very well, then. I'll see you in my study in an hour." He shifted his gaze to the left. "Alone."

"Seems to be the theme for today," Loki remarked. "First Thor and now Lilith. Who _else_ do you wish to see alone today, Odin?"

"I wouldn't complain too loudly. I was just about to say that I expect to see you in my study in two hours."

He didn't argue for once, contrary to what they'd all expected. One thing Frigga knew for sure…the evening was due to be an eventful one before it was over.

I sat across from Odin in this study, wondering if this was as weird for him as it was for me right now. After so many months of hostility- especially this last one where I could vent in person- letting go of it was very strange. I still wasn't sure I'd entirely forgiven him for the choice he'd made all those years ago. He'd used me like a pawn. Just because I'd won the game as much- or more- than he had in the end didn't make me forget that I could have just as easily lost if he'd been wrong.

"If I'd had another option I would have chosen it," he said, as if reading my thoughts.

"I'm not here to discuss any of that, Allfather."

"Of course, but I wanted you to know."

"Yes, I know. Shall we proceed with the reason we're both here, then?"

"As you wish."

I paused for a minute before deciding that he meant that I should begin first.

"Before I stormed out of our last meeting, you were seeking more information about how my gates work. I think if I'm to convince you that Urackbeld is no longer a threat, I should start with a few key things that I doubt you have been made aware of yet. I could be wrong, but I don't think Thor has mentioned the existence of 'doubles'."

"He has not."

"When I create a realm, I create a version of myself in it. Or at least in the two I've contacted so far. But I suspect it is true with the others. I think it's because they start out as daydreams- dreaming I'm somewhere else. A common theme in the daydreams of most people, I imagine. But where they can only pretend, I can physically duplicate myself in another place. In Micharea, for example, I'm captain of a pirate ship. For a long time, I daydreamed of myself sailing the seas with the crew, not realizing that the 'me' in my dream was a real person, and that all of the things happening to her were just as real."

The Allfather listened to my speech intently, and only interrupted when I paused, asking, "And what of Urackbeld?"

"Well, that's what I decided to find out after the concert. After what happened with Othar, more precisely."

"You opened the gate again on purpose, then."

"I did."

"You didn't…" he hesitated. "You didn't cross into that realm, did you?"

"And risk having to explain myself to Loki when he found out? Oh _Hel_ no." I thought I saw a flash of humor at my fervent response. Odin knew as well as I did that he would be far less understanding than even the Allfather had I actually stepped foot into that realm. "I just opened a portal where I knew I'd find her."

"How does that work?"

"I send out a thought and follow it. My other 'self' is always at the other end when I reach it and open the gate." I took a breath and let it out before telling him the rest. "Or they send out thoughts to me."

_That_ certainly got his attention.

"I beg your pardon?"

"They're me, Allfather. Which was something I hadn't quite understood until after the incident with Othar. But I understand it much better now, and I can accept that the link between the realms works both ways. Lilith of Micharea can open a gateway to Asgard just as easily as I can open one to her realm."

"Meaning so can Lilith of Urackbeld."

"Yes."

"And I'm assuming that you're going to say that she has."

"The nightmares, Allfather. She was opening the gate while I slept. The nightmares were a symptom of that connection." I sighed. "Perhaps I was already having them and that's why she was able to make the connection back to me so easily. Not sure. But she's been behind the unintended breeches into Asgard that…well, I don't know which one of them told you." He opened his mouth as if to speak, but I held up my hands. "Don't tell me. I don't want to know."

"All right." Odin reconsidered for a moment before asking the more important question on his mind. "Why would she do such a thing?"

"Urackbeld isn't the best of realms to make a life, is it? It's my fault she's there. Not all creators are loved, and I've certainly given her good reason to hate me. I'm not surprised that she'd vent that anger however she could."

"But you said you stopped her?"

"After a serious talk with Lilith, I have convinced her that it's not in her best interest to torment me. She's redirected her attention…elsewhere."

"Elsewhere?"

I could hear his alarm in that one word, and wanted to dispel it as quickly as possible. But a malevolent smile hovered on my lips before I could control my thoughts of who suffered her wrath now. Shaking my head to clear those images away, I assured him, "Not anyone or anything in Asgard, Allfather. You needn't worry about that."

"But…"

"Let's just say I'm not the only one who has a double in another realm. Need I say more?"

A long, significant silence followed that remark. I was very sure that he wouldn't ask me for further clarification, and was soon proved correct.

"No, indeed not." Odin sighed. "It would seem that you've at least allayed the danger from Urackbeld in that respect."

In that respect, but not in others. Because the nightmares were only part of the problem, and hadn't been the primary one for keeping me in the palace. We had yet to speak of what I'd done in the dining hall. That was by far the more concerning problem. Might as well get to it.

"But you worry yet about whether I'll call it up myself, yes?"

"Lord Othar is an extreme case, and has been dealt with according to what he deserves. But the more time passes since-" an uncomfortable break before he could say the name- "Danethar, the more you will find yourself an object of interest for Lords and Warriors alike."

"In that respect, somehow I doubt _I'm_ the one they should worry about," I answered wryly. "Interested they may be, but challenging Loki doesn't strike me as a wise idea. Not if they wish to stay among the living."

He did not deny the point, and was momentarily diverted by the change in subject.

"I'm glad that's something you recognize early on, Lilith. I don't know how serious you are about-"

"No, you don't," I cut in. "I understand why you'd think to warn me, but I know what I want. And so does Loki. Let's just leave it at that."

The wheels were turning in his mind. I could see that very clearly, and Odin very nearly pushed the subject. Fortunately for both of us, he must have realized that would be a tactical error and kept his curiosity to himself. With a slight cough, he put us back to our original conversation.

"Determent from Loki notwithstanding, the potential that you may find yourself faced with unwanted attention is still a serious concern. Not all men are wise, and he will not always be present to remind the ones who aren't."

"I don't disagree," I conceded. "Nor should I expect him to hover over me like I'm a defenseless chick. I'm not."

"I wasn't trying to insinuate that you were."

"Quite the opposite, I'd think. Your concern is that I'll trespass beyond defending myself, and use my gate to Urackbeld to dispatch innocent Asgardians to what equates to an execution. You cite the incident with Lord Othar as definitive proof."

"You were quick to use the gate once, Lilith."

"Yes, I was. Afterwards, I had a lot of time to think about why, and what it said about me in that moment. Even more once I spoke with my double in Urackbeld." I leaned forward slightly. "But I see that night as a valuable lesson, Allfather. Since returning to the palace I've kept myself insulated from anyone or anything that might make me uncomfortable. That may have been the right thing to do at first, but it prevented me from developing a healthy means of coping with those feelings. They built up, and exploded in a truly violent reaction that none of us were prepared to deal with that night with Othar. If you keep me here, locked in the palace, you're only perpetuating the issue- possibly to make it worse the next time. Because there _will_ be a next time, no matter how much you think you can prevent it."

"And when that next time occurs- what would you do?"

I sat back again, thinking.

"Depends on what I get Sif to teach me in hand-to-hand combat, but I'd wager a broken wrist might be the first warning. Hopefully that will suffice."

Odin was momentarily taken aback at my suggestion. He must not have thought I would consider a physical confrontation, but then he seemed to recall something to make sense of it.

"Frigga did mention you had been to the training yard a few weeks ago."

"She was going to train with me."

"Why?"

"Because she's Sif and because I asked her to," I replied with a casual shrug.

"Were you thinking to join her as a Warrior for Asgard?"

"No."

"Then forgive me for wondering why you'd request to train as one."

"I'll never be a warrior like Sif or Thor, Allfather. It's not for me. That doesn't mean I find no value in acquiring skills. One day knowing them might save my life- whether that be from someone like Danethar, or a threat from an enemy of Asgard. I can at least try to defend myself as best I can if I'm caught alone. And if in the meantime those skills can be put to use deterring unwanted attention…all the better. It's certainly preferable to tossing them into a place like Urackbeld, wouldn't you agree?"

My speech went a long way towards winning Odin's approval. Some of the words were no different from what Loki or I had argued the night of the concert, but now they had the weight of a few days' contemplation behind them. The ones that were new helped bolster my position. I felt that I'd at last worn him down.

"That's one way to look at it," he remarked finally.

"Would you consider it enough to at least warrant a trial period where I'm no longer confined to the palace?"

"Do you believe you have control of your gate to that realm?" Odin's tone was stern and resolute. "All discussion and factors weighed in- how would you answer?"

We were down to the heart of the matter, where he would make his decision and I would have to live with whatever it would be. I was in no hurry to reply, not wanting to insult him by taking no time to truly think about the question. Odin might assume I'd already been thinking about it over the last three days, but a few more minutes couldn't hurt. They didn't change my response.

"I rule my gates, Allfather, and the realms beyond them. They do not rule me. Not anymore."

Silence.

"Very well. So long as you are certain, I rescind my order restricting you to the palace; however, should there come a time when Asgard's safety is once more at risk from Urackbeld- or any of your other gates- I will be forced to reconsider. I do not know for how long."

"Understood."

The subject closed, I wondered how to make my exit. Odin and I really didn't have anything to say to one another. _Not entirely true. I'm sure he likely has plenty to say to me. But I really don't feel like sitting through whatever that might be._ Which was what I worried I'd have to do. Fortune favored me, though, and just as Odin prepared to speak again, a knock sounded at the hall door. Had it been an hour already?

Apparently it had, since Loki entered the study. He spared Odin a passing glance before his eyes sought mine. From their expression, I might have thought days had passed since he last saw me. _That is going to take some getting used to,_ I told myself as my heart skipped a beat. His look called to mind the kiss Loki had given me earlier in the garden. And the one I'd given him in return. Those thoughts must have been obvious; now he was grinning wickedly at me.

"Forgive my interrupting, but you _did_ say in two hours," he reminded Odin, still not taking his gaze away from mine. "Shall I come back?"

"I think we were just finishing."

"Excellent." He strode further into the room, leaning casually against the armrest of my chair. "So…who won?"

"You make it sound like a battle."

"Wasn't it?"

"For once, no."

"I'm sure the Allfather is grateful for that, but you still didn't answer the question."

At that moment, Odin chose to remind us that we were in his study. And that he was there.

"Lilith has my permission to leave the palace so long as she maintains control of her gates."

"An hour well-spent, then. We'll see if I have as good of luck."

I took that as my cue to leave and stood. Instead of assuming my place in the chair, Loki clasped my hands in his and stepped closer. I wondered if he thought to kiss me again, even with the Allfather watching. He didn't, though. Instead his eyes searched mine.

"I'll see you after?"

"Yes," I managed to whisper.

"Promise?"

I laughed at the teasing tone in his voice. "_Yes_."

"All right go on, then, and tell Thor he can stop grumbling before he ruins his image as the gregarious one. I have no interest in taking _that_ on."

"You…gregarious? I shudder at the very thought of it," I quipped. Releasing his hands with a wink, I added, "So for the good of Asgard, I'll see what I can do with your brother."

Odin watched her as she left the room. Rather, watched Loki as _he_ stared after Lilith. From what he'd seen at dinner and here in his study, he knew one very important fact; everything had changed. For the better, Odin hoped. But life in the palace from this point forward was going to be an adjustment. For all of them. Though not his original reason for wanting to speak with the God of Mischief, it was one he intended to bring up now that he was here. The door closed and Loki turned back to face him. Odin was not fooled by his seemingly placid demeanor. Best to see what lies beneath it.

"I had intended to discuss events on Midgard, but perhaps you've a more pressing subject in mind."

In an uncharacteristic sow of patience, Loki lifted his shoulders in a nonchalant shrug as he replied, "Ask whatever you wish. A half hour or more won't make a difference in what I have to say."

"Very well, then," Odin conceded, not wanting to squander the chance while he had it. "As you're aware, I spoke with Thor earlier this afternoon about the last few days."

"About me and whether I was up to anything while I was there, you mean."

"So he assumed, too, at first. I'll give you the same answer; I had no need for him to tell me what I already knew from Heimdall."

"Fair enough. And so you asked him what, then?"

"His opinion of your assistance with the H.Y.D.R.A. threat."

"I see."

A veil fell across Loki's face, leaving behind a carefully blank expression. He no doubt assumed that whatever news Odin had received, none of it was in his favor. Not that he could be blamed for thinking that, given how many times he'd seen it turn out that way before. Odin folded his hands in front of him on the desk and delivered what he expected to be surprising news for the god.

"Thor spoke very highly of you- not to mention your skills in defeating H.Y.D.R.A."

The tiniest crack fractured Loki's impassive mask. Not quite a smile, but a brief twitch at the corners of his mouth. He still didn't quite believe that Odin was telling the truth- or at least all of it, anyway. Convincing him that he was sincere was going to be a challenge. He was about to try again, but then Loki chose to comment.

"It's a wonder he had time to notice, given how often he was refereeing arguments in the Tower."

The shift in subject was deliberate, intending to draw out whatever Thor might have seen as objectionable about Loki's stay on Midgard. It would do Odin no good to prevaricate or attempt to return to the point he'd been trying to make, so he did what little he could with what he'd been given.

"Yes, he did mention that the Metal Man, Stark, was a source of much irritation."

"I've been informed it's his custom to behave in such a manner among his friends." Loki's expression turned thoughtful. "Although, having spent a time as his enemy, I recall no difference at all. I wonder how one is to know which side one is on."

And just that easily, he'd manipulated the conversation to get Odin thinking of him as an enemy of Midgard. The role he'd always played in the past, naturally. He didn't know whether Loki was just doing this to nettle Odin's conscience, or if he honestly doubted himself. Either way, he refused to be baited, and tried using the speech to the opposite effect.

"From what I heard from Thor, the Avengers have good reason to consider you the former. And not just them- most of Midgard."

"An unusual turn of events from their perspective. Almost impossible to imagine- the bane of Midgard turns out to be its deliverer from the hands of evil."

"Can we dispense with the sarcasm, Loki? I'm trying to be serious."

"As am I. None of you believed I could do it. So what do all your fine words mean now?"

"If I hadn't believed you could do it, I wouldn't have sent you," Odin argued back, the edges of his words heated with suppressed frustration. "I wouldn't have done any of this, and would have let you spend the rest of your life in that prison cell."

They stared at one another in mutually stunned silence. He hadn't meant to say that last part aloud. When Loki responded, his tone was far less insolent.

"Why did you make a point to tell me that Heimdall would be watching, then? Before I left."

"I believed you could deal with H.Y.D.R.A. well enough; I wasn't as certain you could return to face Lilith without some incentive."

"You may have been right," Loki admitted with a sigh. "And I guess you did try to make that point, now that I think of it. I just…"

"We're all accustomed to the familiar roles we've been playing for ages," Odin supplied in the hesitation that followed. "It's hard to give them up, even when we don't want them anymore."

"And here I thought I'd already gotten through the hardest part of all this. Always something else I didn't expect."

He thought perhaps now they were finally ready to have a serious discussion, and ventured to ask, "What of Midgard? Anything there you didn't expect?"

"Maybe," Loki replied somewhat warily. "But I'm not sure it's something you're going to like hearing."

"We won't know until you tell me."

"All right. Don't say I didn't warn you, though." A few minutes passed before he continued with what he had to say. "I'd forgotten how much I've missed strategizing. Studying weaknesses and strengths- not just of my enemy, my allies as well. Three days in with the Avengers told me much about the latter. And then the challenge of developing a plan that best used everything I'd learned. Especially when I had to factor in the ideas and inputs of the rest of the team. Collaboration is not how I generally operate, but we survived and the enemy went down just as I predicted in the end."

Odin knew what parts of that confession Loki was reluctant to reveal. He started with the easier of the two first.

"You could have ignored their contributions and planned the counter-offensive alone."

"A few times, I was sorely tempted. They spend so much time debating. It's maddening."

"But you stuck it out."

"I did- a challenge in and of itself. One I was determined not to lose."

And with that part out of the way, Odin moved onto the more pressing concern.

"Speaking of winning and losing- you said you gained a better understanding of your allies' weaknesses. Could you have devised a plan that would have allowed H.Y.D.R.A. to defeat the Avengers?"

After a long pause, Loki answered simply, "Yes."

"Why didn't you?"

"Because I would have lost more than I ever could have won in the end. Not just there on Midgard, but back here on Asgard as well. It wasn't worth it."

"I don't know what about any of that you thought I wouldn't want to hear, my son."

"That I still have those impulses and thoughts, mostly. That I did think about what it would be like to take control of the Avengers once I had their trust- or that I could have betrayed them to their enemies if I'd wanted to. Those aren't the things you want to hear. They're not the things Thor-the-perfect-one would ever say."

"Loki, I don't expect you to be perfect. And Thor isn't either, for the record. But you should know that what's important is that even though you were tempted to misuse an opportunity for power, you triumphed over it. A far more difficult achievement than to make the right decision without having to fight that battle first."

"I…thank you."

"I don't need thanks, but you're welcome all the same. In fact, I was hoping that you might be willing to take what you learned on Midgard and apply it to Asgard. Identifying weaknesses is high on the list of skills you possess that would make a difference against a potential attack from the Dark Elves."

"Are you expecting one?"

"The battle this past spring was only a precursor for things to come. I know we face a threat far greater than H.Y.D.R.A."

"Is Thor aware of this?"

"He will be when I meet with a small council this week. I'd like to include you at that meeting."

"Serious- you're serious?"

"Never more so, Loki. I told you, I always believed you could do this."

Loki said nothing at first, but the expression on his face was telling enough. Grateful for the chance that had at last come to him, only to be reminded of all the ways he'd thwarted himself in the past trying to wrest the power on his own. Odin was sure no small part of the god's bittersweet smile could be traced back to the one who'd given him the ability to see any of this- to Lilith. Eventually, Loki recovered his composure enough to pose a question.

"When would you want me to start looking into this situation?"

"I expect another attack form the Dark Elves in the spring or early summer at least. Hopefully no sooner, but I cannot say for certain when they will have regrouped enough from their previous defeat. That's one of the things I need you to discover."

"So…immediately is what I'm hearing."

"Within reason. This operation will likely require long periods away from Asgard. I recognize that you only just returned from Midgard, and you'd want time to spend with Lilith before leaving again."

"You would be right," he agreed. "We can discuss more about the Dark Elves at the meeting, though. Probably better, since any decision here would just have to be repeated there."

"You really did learn about working as part of a team, didn't you?"

"The Avengers provided quite the education on that score. But right now, I think it's time we get to what I came here to say. About Lilith."

"Yes, I agree it's only fair. I've said my piece, now I'm prepared to hear everything you have to say."

"It's only one thing really."

"Just one," he queried in a tone more lighthearted than Odin truly felt. He would have preferred a long list over just one thing.

"I want to marry her."

And that was exactly why he'd been worried. Just one thing, but a very serious one it was. Granted, Odin wasn't surprised by Loki's announcement- only the timing of it. Not only that, he was somewhat confused what Loki was wanting from him. He frowned, hoping it wasn't what first came to mind. He asked the question, anyway.

"Are you asking me to give her to you?"

"No," the god denied quickly, obviously horrified that Odin would even suggest it. "I would _never_ do that to her. If she doesn't want to marry me, I couldn't force her to."

"Then I'm not sure what you're wanting from me."

"I don't want anything from you, Allfather. I'm here as a courtesy to say I intend to ask Lilith the question. And if she says yes, I'm going to marry her."

The last sentence sounded somewhat defiant, as if he expected Odin to object or argue with him about that decision. The idea had never crossed his mind. In truth, he'd been counting on him wanting to marry her. Loki needed a partner who could be a match for him; Lilith was that and more. Odin's main concern was that after Danethar, she wouldn't be capable of making that level of commitment- even to Loki. But for now, he sought to settle his son's apprehensions.

"I suspect your mother would have more need of a warning, my son. No doubt she'll be wanting to plan for the event with even more attention to detail than any military campaign. Past or present."

"You might be right. I hadn't considered…" he shook his head, then glanced sharply at Odin. "You approve, then? Her family line isn't from any of the nobles."

"Does that make a difference to you?"

"No," Loki answered in a tone that left no doubt he meant it. "But I have a position to maintain, and you might see it differently."

"Lilith makes you happy, yes?"

"More than anything."

"That's all that matters."

Thor was still fuming about dinner. All the more when Loki had told him more about what happened with that wretch, Othar. He didn't recognize the name, but could picture the type quite well. Eckert and Willem came to mind first. Long dead, the two of them, but not so quickly forgotten. How many more were still out there?

_One less, from what my brother says._ But imprisoning Lord Othar had come at a cost. Always, it seemed his cousin was left with the worst of the deal. She'd exposed that cretin, but now was stuck in the palace. Thor couldn't see that as fair. Then again, he hadn't witnessed this gateway everyone was so worried about. Even Loki hadn't been entirely at ease discussing that part of the story. His thoughts were interrupted by Lilith's return. She swept a critical eye over him and sighed.

"Well, he wasn't jesting. You really are put out over this, aren't you?"

"Huh?"

"I was entreated to bring you the good news in person. Loki was concerned that he might be called upon to be the 'cheerfully social' one if your mood remained so foul."

"Haven't I the right to decide for myself how to feel about this disaster?" He suddenly caught on her first sentence. "Wait- good news? What news is that?"

"Just what I predicted would happen. Odin's changed his mind, and now I'm allowed to leave the palace grounds once more. So- does that mean you'll be changing your tune?"

"Well, I'm glad it's done with, but I can't say I'm any happier about the decision in the first place."

"I don't know," she replied with a shrug. "Maybe it was for the best. If not for the events of that evening, I might not know what I do now. Three days was a small price to pay in exchange."

Thor got the impression she wasn't referring to learning about controlling her gates. She was talking about the secrets they'd all been carrying around for over a month. He wondered if she was upset that he hadn't said anything this whole time. Lilith's expression was bemused.

"I'm not surprised you knew, too."

"I couldn't say anything. I…"

"You're right," she cut in quickly. "I wouldn't have wanted anyone else to have told me. Even if that meant not ever finding out."

"But Loki did tell you. About everything," he said.

"Yes."

"I'm…" he paused. "I'm glad that you forgave him."

She shook her head at him with a heart-felt sigh, "I didn't have to, Thor."

"But…wait, what?"

"Loki had done nothing that needed forgiving. Yes, he's done terrible things here and on Midgard, but none of it was against me personally. He owes someone else for that, I'm sure. But not me. And even if committing those acts precipitated the Allfather to action, he had no way of knowing. Would I have rather not go through what I did? I didn't enjoy it, I'll admit. But I couldn't forgive _myself_ if I chose to let that stand in the way of what it's allowed him to become."

Thor had no words. For a very long time he could only stare at Lilith in awe of what she'd been willing to do on his brother's behalf. More than anything he or anyone else had been willing to do. At last, he was able to voice the uppermost thought in his mind.

"I hope my brother knows how lucky he is."

"Oh I'm certain he does."

"If not, I'll remind him, Cousin."

"Cousin," she repeated with a smile. "I suppose now that I know the truth about my parents, there's no need to keep up that pretense, is there?"

Thor crossed his arms and grumbled, "Odin said something to that effect, too. I'll tell you the same thing I told him; it makes no difference to me. You are just as much my cousin today as you were before I heard all this."

Lilith arched an eyebrow at the firmness in his tone.

"That a fact?"

"Absolutely." As an afterthought, he added, "Unless you'd rather I didn't."

"Tell you what," she replied with a conspiring grin. "I'll let you call me 'cousin' if you shake off you mood from dinner."

"Seems I'm getting the better end of that deal," he said suspiciously.

"Not if you consider that if you're still sore when Loki gets back, I may have to tell him he'll need to brush up on how to be cheerful. I think I'd be winning plenty to avoid _that_ conversation, don't you?"

Just imaging that set Thor to laughing. Lilith joined in, and was still giggling when he capitulated.

"All right, agreed. Cousin it is."

Just then, Loki returned. As he drew up close to Lilith, Thor was struck with a sudden thought. _Or at least for now. I wonder how long it will be before that changes to 'Sister'._ Because he very much expected that his brother intended to marry Lilith if he could. And given her speech a moment ago, he was fairly sure she might agree someday. But since Lilith appeared oblivious to that possibility at the moment, and Thor didn't think it the time to enlighten her.

She turned to Loki while gesturing at him. "There, fixed. Asgard has been saved."

"So I see," his brother regarded him with a smirk. "Praise the gods."

"What of you talk with Odin," Lilith asked. "To quote your own question- who won?"

Thor saw a moment's hesitation and an odd sort of smile before Loki answered, "We both did, I think. About a lot of things. More on that later, though."

"For 'a lot of things', you weren't gone very long."

"I talked fast. Can you blame me?"

"Wouldn't even try," she replied. "So, where were we?"

"Well, I don't know about the two of you, but I've just had a very long four days, and I'm due for a decent night's sleep," Thor spoke up. "So I'll just say good night and be on my way."

Not surprisingly, neither of them seemed inclined to do the same, even though he knew his brother could use the rest, too. They bid him farewell and headed in the direction of the library. He wouldn't bet on either of them being up for breakfast in the morning unless they spent all night there again. Discussing books or…Thor glanced over his shoulder to see Loki circle an arm around Lilith's waist as they walked away. She laughed at something he whispered in her ear.

_Or perhaps something less…intellectual._ That thought might have seemed far-fetched for the Lilith he'd seen before leaving for Midgard. But this one…it seemed that with the truths of her past laid open at last, she was finally letting go of the demons lingering from Danethar. He stopped himself from speculating further, and turned back around. None of his business. Whatsoever. Thor headed to his suite, fully intending to spend the next eight or nine hours in blissful slumber.


	42. Chapter 41: Understandings

When he awoke this morning, Loki still couldn't believe how the gods had favored him yesterday. Not just with Lilith, but in so many things. Of course, she was by far the greatest gift, and he would have traded everything else if he'd had to if it meant keeping her by his side. Afraid that none of it was truly real, Loki had been reluctant to leave her yesterday evening. But the three days on Midgard had been exhausting, and he'd had to bid her goodnight shortly after Thor did. They parted on the promise to meet in the library early this morning. Despite how tired he'd been, Loki had woken quite early. So here he was, waiting.

Waiting and thinking.

He had so much yet he wanted to say to Lilith, but decided what he really wanted was an explanation about the nightmares. Specifically how she'd put an end to them so abruptly. _She better not have gone exploring in that blasted realm or I'll…_Loki honestly didn't know what he'd do. Not that anything would change what was already done, anyway. But he would not be happy if her solution involved going into Urackbeld alone.

"That's an awfully brooding expression for so early in the day," Lilith's voice interrupted his thoughts. "Didn't you sleep well?"

"I did, actually." And since she brought up the subject for him, he added, "If I'm not mistaken, so did you."

Lilith leaned on her usual chair, forearms crossed loosely along the back of it. Her auburn braid fell over one shoulder in stark contrast to the close-fitting, black tunic she wore. Longer sleeves today, he noticed. And for once, Loki didn't have to worry that she'd catch him looking. Which Lilith must have, since she quirked an eyebrow in amusement and nodded at him.

"So is this new, or have I just never been paying attention?"

"I was always looking, Lilith…when I was sure you wouldn't notice."

"So a little of both," she clarified with a soft smile. Lilith circled around the chair to sit down. "Doesn't say much for my powers of observation, does it? Anyway- to answer your question, yes, I did sleep well."

"I worried about that- going to Midgard while you were still having the nightmares."

"If I hadn't worked out how to close the link with Urackbeld, I would have been worried, too."

"Lilith…how _did _you manage it? I, well, I've been researching for weeks for an answer and have found nothing."

"Researching?" Lilith's brow creased, and then she seemed to recall something. Her eyes shifted to the table of his books and scrolls some distance away. "_That's_ what all that was for, wasn't it?"

"Yes."

"And you found nothing- not in any of them? I confess I'm surprised, given the size of the collection you've amassed."

"Oh I found answers, but none I dared suggest to you. They all wanted to tamper with the mind, and I suspected that would be worse than the nightmares."

"And likely wouldn't have fixed the root of the problem, anyway. I had to do that myself."

"Which you haven't explained yet just _how_ you did it."

She sighed and glanced at him warily. "I will, but first you're going to promise not to be upset."

"I do not promise," he told her. "Because I have a feeling I'm just going to break it. Lilith…what have you done?"

"So much for that," she muttered under her breath. In a louder voice, she answered, "I deliberately opened the gate to Urackbeld."

"Alone?"

"Yes."

"And what of the danger," he prompted as calmly as he could. "How could you have taken such a risk?"

"I'd say keeping the gate closed merited a try. Not just for the chance to stop the nightmares- but if I ever hoped to step foot outside the palace grounds again, I had to do _something_."

His worst fears come true. Well, not the worst just yet. Opening the gate didn't necessarily mean she'd gone into that realm. Why else would she have done it, though? He dreaded pressing her further for fear that she'd confirm what he feared most. Loki reached for her hands and gripped them tightly, unable to keep his tone even when he worked up the courage to go on.

"Please tell me you didn't cross the gate into Urackbeld." _And don't let it be a lie if you do._

"I didn't need to to find what I was looking for." Lilith shook her head and squeezed his hands gently. "Even if I did, I wouldn't have gone. Not alone."

The truth. Thank the gods. Although relieved that she didn't venture beyond Asgard into that cursed place, it didn't quite quell the images of what could have happened to her just by opening the gate in the first place. Loki slipped his right hand from hers and brushed the stray wisps of hair at her temple.

"Lilith, I don't know what I'd do if something had happened to you in that place."

"I had no intention of doing anything that would give reason to find out," she assured him quietly. "And I wouldn't have opened the gate at all if I hadn't needed to speak with the one person who could keep it closed."

"Urackbeld- it's just like Micharea, isn't it? You have a double in that realm, too."

"Yes. I'm beginning to think every realm I create has one."

A touch of regret in her voice caught his attention. Regret for the life she'd created- albeit unknowingly- for herself in that realm. And quite possibly for other countless lives she hadn't yet discovered. Lilith would shoulder the burden for it all. He wanted to say something that would convince her that she wasn't at fault, but Loki knew the best thing for her right now was to ignore it. A conversation he'd save for another day.

"So you asked her help to keep the gate shut?"

"I asked her to stop opening it," Lilith corrected him. "Which was something I discovered my doubles can do quite by accident, or I might have spoken to her about it much sooner."

"By accident?"

"Received an unexpected visit from Liam and Lilith the day you left for Midgard. Unexpected because _she _called up a portal, not me. And if she could do it…well, how hard would it be to imagine that I was experiencing something similar during my nightmares of Urackbeld? A theory that turned out to be correct."

"Why, though? Was she trying to escape into Asgard? Or…?" The look in Lilith's eyes asked him not to delve into the reasons why. With effort, he dropped the subject. For now. "So she's agreed to stop?"

"Well, I made a few suggestions that would redirect her focus to matters in Urackbeld instead of looking to Asgard. Since the gate has stayed closed since that conversation, I suspect Lilith has taken them to heart. I don't expect to be troubled by that realm again."

She wasn't going to elaborate any further on what she'd suggested, either, from what he could tell. Nor did he intend to ask; he'd heard what he needed to hear.

"I'm glad."

"As am I." She leaned back in the chair and regarded him with a wry expression. "And since we seem to be trading explanations this morning- and now that I've gone first- perhaps I might ask you for one. Perhaps related to the subject we didn't quite finish yesterday at dinner?"

"Heimdall, I assume?"

"Naturally. I know something had to be going on between you two because he told me himself he was keeping secrets on your behalf. I'm just curious what they might be."

"He said that? When?"

"Well, I didn't know at the time he meant you. I thought he was talking about 'Ilsa'- long before I found out who she was. So," she continued drily, "What _have_ you and Asgard's watchman been up to?"

"I suppose you might call it an alliance of sorts," he began. "As unlikely as it might sound."

"Yeah, considering he's tasked with keeping Asgard secure- especially the Bifrost. Until recently, that was a bit at odds with your own plans."

"A difference of opinion that we were willing to overlook to get what we wanted."

"Which was?"

"For his part, Heimdall wanted you away from Danethar. He saw me as his best chance of making that happen."

"And on yours?"

"At first I needed his cooperation to ignore that I might be using magic the Allfather would not have sanctioned as part of my…probation." He paused. "If only they'd worked as I intended. But it was my fault; I hesitated instead of doing what I knew was right."

"You used magic on Danethar. Didn't you?"

"The day of Thor's visit, yes. But he broke through the spells somehow. I lost my hold on him and he slipped through."

"Maybe that time," she admitted quietly. "But you did get him when it mattered. He's the one who lost in the end."

_And now would be the best time to tell her about how Heimdall made that possible. Or that Danethar is still paying for his part in all this._ But Loki wouldn't. He wasn't sure he could reveal that side of himself to Lilith- the dark facet that he needed when dealing with Danethar. She could accept more than most, but that might be too much. At least for the time being. Maybe someday in the future he could tell her and she might understand. Or maybe this was one secret he'd keep buried for a lifetime and hope she never found out about it.

"You said 'at first'," Lilith continued in the silence that followed. "I'm guessing there's a 'secondly' to follow that?"

He'd really hoped she hadn't picked up on that. Of course she had, though. So now he had to explain as best as he could about what else he'd been seeking from the Watchman.

"I knew after the first time I spoke with him that Heimdall could tell me more about you than anyone- if I knew how to pose the right questions. You puzzled me from the very beginning, Lilith. I couldn't figure you out and thought maybe I could get him to help me."

"Did he?"

"Not like I'd hoped," Loki replied with a rueful grin. "Heimdall always played whatever he saw close to his chest and only said enough to give me reason to keep trying with you, Lilith. Can't say if he's always been that shrewd, or if my early visits taught him to be. Either way, he didn't make it easy."

"But he did help."

"He knew my feelings for you before I did, I think. Or at least before I was willing to own to them."

"Heimdall the matchmaker…now there's a title. I bet it would spread like wildfire if mentioned in conversation to the right people," Lilith suggested mischievously. "You think he'd be irked if that got around Asgard?"

No doubt it would, and Loki could just picture how Heimdall would react upon hearing it. Irked would be a mild description. Still, the thought of conducting said experiment was almost too tempting to resist. All the more because Lilith had come up with the idea. Loki was truly relieved that she wasn't upset about his dealings with Asgard's watchman.

"More than likely, yes, I think he would be."

"Then I'll put that in reserve should he ever annoy me enough to use it," she decided. "Back to the subject- when did he bring up the nightmares?"

"Not until after I'd already known about them. He was worried, Lilith, and summoned me to the Bifrost to ask my help. I think he was as relieved as I was when they stopped."

"So strange. He never let on the few times I visited that he took any special notice of me. I figured he'd agreed to my request out of sheer indifference, and then did exactly as I requested- pretended I didn't exist."

"Indifferent? Heimdall? No, Lilith. I believe you asking him to swear to that oath only made him that much more aware of you."

"And if I heard correctly, he's going to keep watching, isn't he?"

"I presume so."

"Hmmm…I might need to have a talk with him about just how closely he's watching."

_Better you than me,_ he thought. _Heimdall might actually listen to you about creating a little privacy. If I asked, he'd likely laugh me right off the Bifrost._

Loki noted how late the hour had become. Almost mid-morning. He had one appointment remaining before lunch- one he was determined to keep. Danethar had a reprieve of sorts over the past three days, but now that break was over. For both of them. Reluctantly, Loki got to his feet.

"Well, since Odin gave you free rein of Asgard again, I suppose you could do that today."

She studied him for a long minute before replying, "You mean now, yes? I get the impression you have a need to be elsewhere."

"I do, unfortunately. Something I've put off the past few days while I've been away. But I'll be done in an hour or so." Loki tried to smile convincingly. "That should be more than enough time to battle with Heimdall, don't you think?"

Now Lilith stood. He couldn't tell if she quite believed him, but she didn't question him further on his urgent business. If she had, he'd have to lie; perhaps Lilith knew that, and that's why she didn't. The hint of sadness in her eyes worried him, though.

"Could be," she said with a smile that seemed just as forced as his. "I'll see you soon enough."

Loki watched her go, wishing he didn't have to revisit that dungeon again. But for Lilith, he'd finish what he started. _Well, let's go- might as well get it over with._

I saw no point in asking Loki about the appointment that he'd recalled so suddenly. Not only would he just refuse to tell me- or lie about it- I already knew where he was going. To the very bowels of the palace, where he'd spend that hour or so torturing Danethar. And hating every minute of it.

_I can't let him do this anymore,_ I told myself as I closed the library doors behind me. _So I guess this means I'd better beat him to the dungeon stairs._ Loki would want to be sure I was far enough away before he slipped down there, so I had at least a five minute head start. Plenty of time to get to the stairs before him if I used a gate rather than taking the long way around. Unless he teleported directly to Danethar's cell. Really hoped he didn't, since this wasn't the conversation I wanted to have in front of Danethar. On that thought, I called up a portal to the corridor outside my suite and stepped through.

The hall was empty as I expected. A good ten minutes must have gone by while I waited at the top of those dreaded spiraling stairs. All that time, I listened closely for sounds that might tell me that Loki had slipped past me somehow. Nothing. I wondered if I had guessed wrong, and that his mysterious appointment had been something else. Maybe another talk with Odin? Hard to say. Just as I thought to give up, footfalls echoed at the opposite end of the hall.

As soon as he saw me there, waiting, Loki froze. The picture of a man caught by surprise, and definitely not happy about it one bit. That was fine. I didn't expect him to be thrilled any more than I was. But thrilled or not, we were going to talk about this. Loki resumed walking towards me in slow, measured steps before coming to a stop a few yards away. I wanted to say something, but didn't know where to begin. Couldn't have been any easier for Loki to ask that first question, but he did.

"How long have you known?"

"The day of the concert," I answered. "I came upstairs to change clothes before going out to the city, and heard noises in the hall when I came out of my suite. They were coming from this staircase- rather whatever was at the bottom of them."

"If you'd asked Thor or Frigga about it, they would have mentioned it to me by now."

Not a question, but it warranted an answer all the same. I laid a hand on the stone arch beside me and shook my head, saying, "I went to investigate the matter for myself."

"You…you went down there," Loki whispered as he paled. "Not the whole way…did you?"

"Yes." He flinched as if receiving a blow. "I arrived in time to see that reading those Midgardian books has given you inspiration for more than just one spell."

"I never meant for you to find out about any of this."

"Why? Because you wanted me to believe Danethar was dead…or because you _didn't_ want me to know the circumstances of his current existence in the palace dungeons?"

"Both," he admitted with an unhappy sigh.

"Just like you didn't want me to find out about that trip to Jotunheim and what happened at his second hearing."

"That was different. I was going to tell you about that once everything else was settled. Then Hearde beat me to it," he added with a slight snarl.

So the stable manager must have told him of his mistake. I was surprised he was still breathing, given how adamant Loki had been about keeping everything so secret. Then again, he could afford to be patient. One day I might walk into the stables to find that sycophant replaced by…well, likely another one just like him. In the meantime, to save myself the annoyance of retraining Hearde's possible replacement, I thought I'd try to smooth things over.

"He didn't recognize me, or I'm sure he wouldn't have said anything."

Whether that helped any, I couldn't say. Maybe I'd bought Hearde some a second chance. Maybe not.

Loki was thoughtful for a moment, and then asked, "Why didn't you say something before? I can understand why you might have let it go that afternoon, but it's been weeks and you haven't said a word. That's worried me most of all."

"I wasn't sure at the time what answers I wanted to hear, and thought it best the questions waited until I was." After a slight pause, I amended softly, "And after yesterday, I don't think I need to ask what motivated you to do any of this."

The tone in my voice must have been reassuring, because a little of the tension ran out of him. But not enough to dispel Loki's concerns entirely. He raked his fingers through his hair as he offered an explanation; I hadn't really asked for one, but he must have felt the need to provide one, anyway.

"I couldn't let Danethar get off so easily, knowing what he'd done. Scratching out the rest of his wretched life in the darkest holes Utgard has to offer was still too good a fate for him."

"As was a quick, humane execution, yes? That's why you asked Odin to do it yourself. To be sure it was sufficiently excruciating."

"No more than he deserved."

"The Allfather must have thought so, too, to agree to this. I doubt he misunderstood what you intended to do."

"He understood."

Loki wanted to ask me whether I felt the same; the worry that I might not kept him silent. That worry must have been excruciating to keep to himself over these past months. But before I could assure him that he had no reason to, I had a question I wanted answered.

"How long before Danethar's debt is paid, Loki?"

I waited out his reluctance to discuss the topic until he gave in with a sigh, "Sixty-six more days."

When added to the thirty or so already past…a little over three months. I was puzzled for a moment, and then I realized what _else_ had lasted three months. Loki really did mean for Danethar to pay back every day. I studied him quietly, not quite wanting to grasp what that meant for _him_. Sixty-six more days like the one I'd already seen.

_Not happening,_ I snarled in silent determination. _Danethar may deserve it, but you don't. _My protest came out as a single syllable.

"No."

"Lilith, I know you don't agree with my methods, but I'm going to do this. There's nothing you can say to convince me otherwise." He moved as if to pass by me. "So please, just let me get on with what I came here to do."

I didn't budge, purposefully blocking his way. Loki stopped short once he realized I wasn't going to move, now only a few scant inches in front of me. If I leaned forward…_dammit, focus._ We had to finish talking about Danethar. And if I was going to win this debate, I couldn't let myself get distracted. Easier said than done with him so close. I crossed my arms and took up the challenge he'd laid down.

"Contrary to what you seem to think, I _do _agree. I'd love nothing more than to see Danethar serve every last day of that sentence. To the end of days, for all I care. The more he suffers, the better. That's not why I want you to stop."

"Then…why?"

"Because while I can't change that he took three months of my life, I damn well won't stand here and _give_ him two more of _yours_."

When the meaning of those words finally dawned on him, Loki shook his head at me. I knew even before he spoke what he was about to say.

"Lilith, there's no need to worry. I'm fi-"

"Don't you dare say it," I ordered fiercely. "Don't tell me you're 'fine' when we both know it's not true."

We stared at each other in mutual silence. He knew I'd caught him in a lie, and didn't yet didn't want to admit I was right, either. Pride wouldn't let him. And if I didn't find a way to break through it, he'd keep pretending this task wasn't the burden it had become. So I pushed past the lump in my throat and tried again.

"I've seen the toll this takes on you. You're not just punishing Danethar anymore- but yourself as well. How can you expect me to ignore that? I can't, Loki. Don't ask me to."

I almost had him, but Loki held onto his conviction stubbornly. Relinquishing his quest for justice before feeling he'd seen it through to the end was hard for him. And I had guessed accurately. He gestured to the stairs behind me, down to the deep pit where Danethar waited in his cell. "If I give up now, then he gets away with what he's done…"

"After the past month, I very much doubt that Danethar's gotten away with _anything_. But let's say you're right and he meets his fate in the afterlife before settling debts in this one," I continued as I laid a hand on his arm. "Do you think I'd care more about getting revenge than I do for you?"

"You really mean that, don't you," he whispered haltingly, eyes bright.

"I really do."

Loki thought for a long time before asking, "You're sure about this?"

"Let it go. I just want it to be over."

"He still has to die," Loki reminded me in a tone that brooked no argument. "I refuse to forego that much."

"I had no intentions of suggesting otherwise."

"And you'll agree to let me carry the execution out as I see fit?"

Now I took my time before answering. Not because I wouldn't agree. While the endless days of torturing Danethar would surely have caused Loki untold misery, executing him- even by the most cruelest and malevolent means imaginable- would be almost cathartic. I was not concerned about that at all. Rather, I worried what Loki's reaction would be to my conditions. Because I saw this as a means of getting some much-needed closure for myself, too. Would he understand that, though, when I told him what I wanted? _Let's hope so_.

"Will you let me watch," I asked candidly.

"Lilith, I…" He hesitated. "You don't know what you're asking."

"Don't I? I would be naïve not to realize that you're capable of unleashing deadly carnage and violence, given the right situation. That being said, I suspect Danethar will experience an especially brutal death." He said nothing, but I knew I'd hit upon why he'd rather I not witness the execution. "And that's what you don't want me to see. In fact, I think you were almost hoping I just forgot that part of your nature entirely. Or at the very least, would remain blind to it."

"It's true," Loki admitted with downcast eyes. "Even if I can't banish the last remnants of my more sinister facets, I'd hoped to at least protect you from them. I couldn't ask you to accept it, and I didn't…"

His words cut painfully short, and I prompted him, "Didn't what?"

"Want you to be afraid. Of me."

"Loki," I murmured his name soothingly. He didn't raise his eyes, so I slid my hand up to caress the plane of his cheek. "Loki, look at me. Do I look afraid?"

"No, but…"

"I told you weeks ago that I wouldn't ask you to change what you are, remember?" Loki offered a weak smile and nodded. "I meant it. I still do."

"But wouldn't it be better if I didn't…" he sighed and tried again. "If I wasn't…"

"Whether something is good or bad is more in how it's used. And sometimes," I added with a sense of conviction, "Sometimes we have to be willing to do the unthinkable in the service of justice. Sacrificing the greater good seems a poor trade in exchange for purging a marginal evil."

For some time, Loki said nothing. I could sense the turmoil underlying his seemingly calm expression. Had I upset him? I hoped not. My intention was to make him understand why I could embrace what aspects of himself others might find abhorrent. At last, he closed his hand around mine and drew it between us.

"You're so different, Lilith. The way you see everything about the world- it's so different from anyone else I've ever known."

"I'm hoping that in the not too distant future, my way of thinking will catch on. I think Asgard's due for some new ideas."

"I'd have to agree." Another long pause followed, and then Loki brought us back to my original request. "The execution- are you certain you want to see it?"

"Yes, I am."

"I won't hold anything back, even if you're there."

"Nor should you."

He stepped away, a somewhat daunted expression on his face. But he made no attempt to deter me again from my decision.

"All right. I'll need a few days to prepare. When I'm ready, I'll bring you with me when I make and end of Danethar. I promise."

"Thank you," I replied, knowing that he'd given me his word and wouldn't break it. Glancing to the stairs behind me, I added, "So I suppose this means your morning appointment has been cancelled."

"So it seems. What of yours- were you still thinking to pester Heimdall at the Bifrost?"

"No, actually. I was going to visit Sif instead. She and I had only a few lessons together before the concert. Then I couldn't leave the palace, so practicing was out of the question. Now seems as good a time as any to start again."

"I'm sure the Watchman's sister would be more than ecstatic to resume your sessions." A curious smile tugged at the corners of his lips. "I wonder if I ought to go with you. When I left for Midgard, Sif seemed to think I owed her an explanation about the night of the concert. Perhaps now's the opportunity to give it."

Sif was practicing with Thor. Well, that and trying to pry into what he knew about Loki's sudden departure for Midgard. In particular, what it might have to do with whatever was going on with Lilith lately. Her friend hadn't returned to the training yard in days. Hel, Sif hadn't seen her at all in the city since that evening- nor had anyone else. But Thor was keeping very closed-mouthed about everything.

"Oh come on, Thor," she wheedled as they took a short break. "The Allfather doesn't just send your brother to Midgard for no reason. Especially after the _last_ time he went there. And then Lilith just seems to disappear after…well, I dunno what that was with Othar. But it's beyond strange that no one's seen her since the concert."

"Just let it go, Sif. I'm sure you'll hear all about it in due time."

"Why not now? You obviously know what happened."

"I'm not going to tell you."

"Why not? Is it terrible? Is Lilith okay? I tried to ask the Jotun that question, too, but he wouldn't give me a straight answer. No surprise there, but now you won't give me one _at all_."

"Probably because he doesn't want another lecture on saying things he wasn't supposed to," suggested an amused female voice off to their left. "It's been a rough few months in that respect, so I can't say I blame him."

Sif turned slightly to see Lilith entering the training yard. Loki was with her. After roving a perceptively sharp glance at the two, she got the distinct impression that something had changed between them. No, make that _everything_. Once she was sure she wasn't misreading the signals, Sif grinned at them.

"It's about damned time. I'm not even going to be sorry I wasn't there to see it. You two _finally_ told each other, didn't you?"

"_Nolo contendere_," Lilith replied with a laugh. "And probably for the best, too. I was not eager to endure another of your interrogations on the subject."

"Nor was Loki, I imagine. Don't think I kept my prying questions exclusive to just you."

At that, the God of Mischief cast a bemused look at Lilith. "She was cornering you as well?"

"Apparently, we were good at keeping secrets from one another, but not so skilled at hiding anything from Sif. Seems she's almost as observant as Heimdall."

"Only far more irksome," Thor muttered under his breath, although not quietly enough that the other two didn't hear him.

"What's that supposed to mean," Loki demanded sharply.

"It means the next secret you want to keep, make sure I stay out of it. I've had more than enough intrigue to last me."

"C'mon, we had our fun moments," Sif laughed.

"Maybe fun for _you_."

She shrugged at him, convinced all the good-natured ribbing in the world wasn't going to change Thor's opinion. He was a man of straight talk and openness, not really meant for the intricacies of clandestine schemes. No use trying to change that about him. She turned back to Lilith.

"So, what brings you back out this way? I'm guessing it wasn't just to tell me I was right all along."

"Wasn't my primary reason, even. I'm here to pick up where we left off in our lessons last time. Recent events put them on hiatus, but now that's all past and I can focus again."

"And since you seem to have pacified the Jotun's protests on the matter-"

"You may recall that I'd changed my own mind," he interjected before she could finish.

"However it happened," she continued, unperturbed. "I was more interested to know if Lilith brought you with her because she changed _her_ mind about what I said about letting you train with her."

_Didn't think so_, Sif mused to herself as she watched couple's reactions. She doubted Lilith had even thought about it, much less mentioned the subject to him. If Sif left it up to her, it'd be months before the question was put to Loki. _She'll learn quick that I'm not one to put things off, either, once my mind is made up._

"Pretty sure you said you'd consider that only after we'd finished with the basics," Lilith remarked at last. "A few lessons doesn't exactly count in my opinion."

"Sure it does," Sif argued cheerfully. "We were only brushing up on skills you already learned long ago, anyway."

"I really don't think…"

"Hey, I could use a little help from one of you."

"Help with what," Thor asked in confusion.

"What do you think? You know as well as I do that learning from different styles is the most beneficial way to improve. Not to mention the quickest." When neither of them showed sign of coming to her aid, Sif practically threw up her hands and grumbled, "Grown men, both of you, and can't even answer a simple question."

That last comment seemed to spur some action, having jabbed them sufficiently in their male pride. Which- of course- had been her intent. Not surprising, Loki was the first to react.

"That may be, but it can also be the most expedient way to get someone hurt," he argued.

_Time to nettle the Jotun some more. By the time I'm through, he'll be begging to work with her._ Sif's broadening smile bordered on insolent as she answered, "Didn't take you for one to worry about a scratch or two. I'm sure Lilith won't do too much worse- unless you rile her temper."

Her jest stuck true, just as she hoped. Her friend fought hard to contain the urge to laugh. As for the God of Mischief, he couldn't seem to decide whether to be outraged or dumbfounded that she'd dared imply he'd lose. They all might have stood there a good long while if Thor hadn't let loose a loud guffaw; he was not as disciplined as Lilith. His brother glared at him.

"It's _not_ funny. I was being serious."

"Serious or not, Sif still got you. She got you good."

She thought she heard Loki mutter something about a spell under his breath. Lilith must have heard it, too, and darted a concerned look from him to Sif and back.

"Oh gods, not that again. You really are determined to test it out on someone, aren't you?"

"She started it."

"You seriously didn't just say that, did you?"

"Just what _is_ this spell, anyway?"

"Don't ask," Lilith and Thor told her simultaneously.

"Fine, I won't. But I'm not dropping the subject about the training. Lilith's a lot better than she is willing to admit. She could hold her own if she just quit worrying about what others think."

Loki's annoyance dissipated, replaced by a thoughtful expression. Sif wondered why her friend looked as though she might gladly strangle her for what she'd just said. _What _did_ I say, anyway?_

"That a fact," he queried meaningfully, eyes on Lilith now. "Wouldn't be the first time, would it?"

_Thanks a lot, Sif_, I cursed inwardly, knowing damn well that she'd effectively turned the tides of this debate. After nearly a week of no practice at all, squaring off against Loki wasn't exactly the way I'd pictured this morning's lesson to go. More than a little daunting, to say the least. I wasn't even sure I could raise a weapon against him, but the look on his face suggested I was going to find out.

"So we're doing this," I asked, half hoping to hear a negative answer.

"I'm curious to test Sif's theory- see if she's right."

_So we're doing this._

"She better be." I threw the woman a dark look. "Or as soon as I'm able, I'm going to wallop her like you wouldn't believe."

Rather than take offense, Sif merely beamed at me and said, "I dare you to try even if all goes well today."

Should have known she'd see a challenge like that as a good thing. Warriors. They were a strange breed I would never understand. I shook my head and sighed.

"Well, if we _are _doing this, what's your poison?"

"Not the knives," Loki insisted, a shadow of his former anxiety returning. "Unless you haven't practiced with any of the other weapons. But I'd rather something a little less…"

Curiosity was one thing, but if I _did_ get seriously injured, I had a feeling Loki wouldn't settle for a spell that would merely embarrass Sif for a few days. No, he'd look for something much worse. And I didn't want to think of how upset he'd be with himself, either. So yeah, definitely better not to test fate and choose a safer weapon. Pretty much left me with staves, since the others were all bladed instruments or were too heavy for me.

Hand-to-hand combat was the least likely to end in physical injury. _Also the most likely to end up looking like _anything_ but combat,_ added the voice in my head. After the garden yesterday, I wasn't quite sure how I might react if we were so close. Pressed up against one another…hands on…_gods, Lilith, get a grip on yourself!_ I tried not to blush as my attention snapped back to the group- in particular when I glanced at Loki. I didn't have to wonder if he caught where my thoughts had drifted. _Damn that knowing smirk_.

"Sif's given me a few lessons with other weapons," I said aloud, hoping to derail those thoughts before someone_ else_ noticed. "We trained a few times on staves, if that's preferable."

"Knowing her, I'll have my work cut out for me."

"What's _that_ supposed to mean," the female warrior demanded. "There's nothing wrong with my methods when it comes to staves."

"Did I say there was," he inquired innocently over his shoulder as he headed to the rack to fetch a few for us. "So _defensive_…"

"Only because I can hear the things you mean that you won't say outright."

"Admirable. Perhaps while Lilith and I are busy you can teach that skill to my brother."

Loki didn't wait for Sif's reply- or Thor's. He returned to the middle of the training yard and motioned I should take one of the long wooden practice spars. Despite the butterflies fluttering in my stomach, I closed my fingers around it and held on as he backed away. Must have looked as dubious as I felt.

"Sif wouldn't have suggested this if she didn't think you could do it," he assured me. "And I wouldn't have agreed if I didn't believe her."

"I guess it's up to me to prove you both right, then." I adjusted my grip on the staff and nodded. "Go on. Let's see what I've learned so far and what you can teach me."

With a game smile, he began a set of simple warm-up partner exercises. I put out of my mind thoughts of Thor and Sif, who were likely watching us. Even tried to ignore the strange feeling accompanying the idea that I was crossing weapons with Loki. Focus on the elements of the exercise and rid myself of distractions. It was not easily done. Time and again, I caught myself a half-second behind the pace he'd set, distracted by a random thought. Mostly about him, of course. Admiring the gracefulness as he executed the forms, or the intensity in his cerulean gaze. I shook myself out of them with determination.

The exercise ended, but I knew the lesson was far from over. We'd only just begun, if I recalled the times I'd spent with Sif. No, all that had been merely a means of limbering up so we would be less likely to injure ourselves in a sparring match. But apparently, we weren't even ready for _that_ yet. Loki called Thor and Sif over. The four of us spent the next half hour working through various examples of how to exploit someone else's weaknesses- or strengths. I suspected before we finished the other two had learned as much as I did.

After a break, I tried my luck a few times against Sif. Even once against Thor. The whole time, Loki coached me on my technique- reminding me of the tricks we'd gone over during practice. While I didn't lose too terribly, I didn't quite manage to best either of them, either. I probably could have if I'd tried a little harder. At last, they exchanged places and I was facing Loki again. The time had come for a serious challenge. All the more challenging because unlike the other two, I didn't know what his weaknesses were.

_Don't you?_ My thoughts countered. _You know his greatest weakness- the bigger question is whether you're _willing_ to use it against him._

The match began and for a while, I was too busy trying to keep up to decide the answer to that question. But a few minutes in, I saw an opportunity and took it. _Don't hate me for this later,_ I prayed silently. When Loki darted in for a close strike, I feigned a clumsy attempt to block it, intentionally letting the blow land bruisingly against my right side. Loki reacted just as I predicted he would, stunned into inaction at the idea that he'd injured me. In that moment, I countered with a series of moves that caught him utterly off-guard. The last of them wrenched his staff out of his hands and sent it skittering across the yard. Our gazes held until Loki found his voice.

"You…you let me hit you on purpose," he accused me incredulously.

"I did. You said before that I should take advantage of _any_ weakness in my opponent. So I picked what I thought was the one most likely to succeed."

"You can't deny that it worked, Brother," Thor chimed in while Sif nodded in agreement.

A glare from Loki discouraged any further comment from either of them before turning back to me. I worried that I'd made a mistake, and that I should have pretended I hadn't seen that chance to beat him. Even if he'd told me I should, and I would have lost if I hadn't. His expression wasn't helping, either. It wasn't the scathing glare he'd given Thor, but it troubled me all the same. Then Loki reached for the staff in my hands and exhaled slowly.

"I did say that. And as my brother pointed out…your strategy was an effective one."

"But perhaps went too far…"

"No," he interrupted my apology. "It's exactly what I wanted you to learn. I just wasn't prepared for the consequences of teaching it to you."

"Well, if it's any consolation, I likely won't be trying that particular tactic again now that the element of surprise is gone. I figured it was something that would work just once."

He didn't agree with me as I expected. Interesting. I filed that away for later as he led us to the racks to stow our weapons. He retrieved his from the dirt on the way. Once we're rejoined the others, Sif ventured to say something.

"I'm thinking that's it for today- right?"

"We've all learned quite enough for one morning," Loki answered wryly. "Besides, it's nearing noon."

"Headed back to the palace, then," Thor asked.

After a glance at me, he nodded. "Yes, I believe so. Were you coming, or staying here?"

"I've been gone a long while, so I've things to see to here. You two go on without me."

"Suit yourself. Lilith- shall we?"

"Goodbye, Sif. Interesting training session as always."

We left the yard and began walking to the palace. But no sooner had we rounded the corner out of earshot, Loki turned to me.

"You sure you're okay to walk the whole way back?"

"I'm fine. That strike didn't land as hard as you think it did. I did dodge it some." He studied me with obvious concern, so I relented with a sigh. "But if you'd rather we took a short cut, I've no objections to avoiding the long walk."

"I would, actually."

"All right. I can call up a gate…"

"Or I could teleport us back."

An interesting thought. I hadn't known he could do that- teleport someone else. I'd always thought the talent worked for him alone. Now I was a little curious what it would be like to travel that way, and since he seemed rather eager to be the one to transport us back…why not find out?

"Okay, then."

"Hang on," he said, clasping my hands in his.

Traveling by teleport was a very different sensation than the times I'd crossed through my gates. I could actually _feel_ the rush of moving across space- the fastest ride I'd ever experienced in my life. Once we landed on the other side of it, I needed several seconds for everything to catch up with me before I could move. Only then did I notice our surroundings. My suite.

"Lilith- you okay?"

"That was certainly different."

"It takes some getting used to. Shorter distances aren't quite so intense."

"Sooo…any reason you brought us here instead of somewhere closer to the dining hall?"

"Yes, actually." Loki's pointed look at my right side gave me a good idea what that reason could be. "I know you said it's not that bad, but…"

"You still want to fix it, don't you?"

"Yes."

I was sure it wasn't more than a surface bruise, but that wasn't going to deter him any. And if he was going to heal the injury, he'd have to _see _it. _He'll have to do more than see it._ One thing at a time. Either way, the tunic I was wearing was going to be in the way; removing it would be the easiest way to remedy that. _It's not like he hasn't seen me before,_ I told myself when I hesitated at the idea. But this was different.

I could tell myself now that Loki had been 'Ilsa', but at the time I hadn't known it. In my memory, she was still 'Ilsa'. Then again, I could say that he had to have seen every inch of my body the night Danethar nearly killed me. But I hadn't been conscious at the time. The quasi-awareness of that night really didn't count. I'd never intentionally undressed in front of _him_, and if I had to choose a moment, I wasn't sure I wanted it to be this one.

"Lilith?" Loki's voice jolted me out of those thoughts. "You don't have to. I didn't think…"

"It's not that…it's just, well," I stammered haltingly. Heat warmed my cheeks, which were probably crimson by now. I muttered half under my breath, "Should have taken the hit to the arm. Could have just rolled up my sleeve."

"I just need to see where the staff made contact. No more."

I supposed I could untuck the hem of my shirt. The strike had been low enough that I wouldn't have to lift it very far. Didn't mean I stopped blushing as I did so. But I forgot my embarrassment when his gaze darkened. _Oh gods, just how awful does it look?_ I glanced down to see for myself. Sure enough, an angry welt of reddish purple slashed across my skin- almost six or seven inches long. Loki was muttering virulent curses already.

"It's not as bad as it looks," I protested futilely.

He said nothing, nor had I expected him to. Instead, he laid his left hand gingerly over the worst of the injury. Palm to bared skin. The contact was so electric that I was too distracted to realize that he'd begun channeling power. The healing was finished by the time I did. We stood, unmoving, for several minutes. Loki didn't withdraw his hand. I didn't have the presence of mind to suggest it, either; my thoughts had already shifted. Focused.

Last evening after we'd said farewell, I'd been kept awake long into the night remembering the kiss we'd shared in the garden. The first I'd ever experienced, I hadn't been quite prepared for my own response. Today I embraced the rush of desire that coursed through me, wanting to feel that way again. Whether Loki moved first or I did I couldn't say, but our lips met in a searing kiss that stole my breath away. My fingers curled reflexively as the kiss deepened, gathering the fine silk of Loki's shirt into fistfuls. I pressed against him with an impatient growl that surprised both of us.

_I want more,_ the realization struck me suddenly. _I want…_ I didn't say sex, because that wasn't the right word. No, I wanted something I had no way of describing. Not yet, anyway. Before I could voice any of it, Loki broke the kiss. Oh he knew exactly what I wanted, and could have easily given in. He didn't, though, and struggled to achieve some measure of control.

Loki had to stop, no matter how much he wanted to surrender to Lilith's unspoken invitation. But before they went any further, she needed to know what it meant. He had to tell her what Maddie had said. Far sooner than he'd ever thought. Lilith looked up at him, the passion in her eyes gradually wilting beneath a veil of confusion. Loki hated seeing it happen, but knew he was doing the right thing. He brushed his fingers through her hair and tried to smile.

"Lilith, I need to talk to you about something."

Her lashes swept down, but not before he'd seen the dismay she'd tried to conceal. Lilith sighed as she guessed, "Another secret, I suppose."

"Not a secret, but something I couldn't bring up before- it wasn't the right time." Loki decided to be honest. "I thought it would be months or…years…before…"

"Before what?"

"Before you'd want anything physical. I was prepared for the reality that you never would."

"Oh." She frowned slightly. "Is it wrong that I might?"

"_No!_" Loki denied quickly. "Gods no, Lilith. It's just…complicated."

"Complicated," she repeated.

"My mother told you about that night at Danethar's."

"Yes, but what…"

"She told you the pieces she knew and maybe what little Thor might have said about what happened before she and Odin arrived. But there are some things neither of them knew- things _I _didn't even know until long after it was over."

"Loki, I don't understand. Please- whatever it is, just tell me."

_Well, here it goes._

"When I arrived, I thought it was too late. And when I realized it wasn't- Lilith, it was a race against what little time you had left. I honestly don't remember most of what I was doing. Just that I had to trust that whatever healing magic I knew would be enough. Healing anything and everything I could before you slipped away."

"It wasn't enough, you know," she said when he paused. "I almost ended up in Hel, anyway."

"The palace healers arrived to finish the rest, Thor tells me."

"Oh, I would have been long gone before they began. No healing would have stopped me that night." She continued softly before Loki could respond. "I only stayed because you asked me to."

"Maddie said you'd heard me." _And I _swear_ we'll get to what else she said in a minute._ "I didn't think you had."

"I heard the words- didn't recognize the voice. But I figured if someone wanted me to survive that badly, the best I could do was try. I suspect, though, that there's more to this part of the story that I don't know."

"Maddie gave me an important lesson about healing. In particular, about having specific assignments for any power channeled during the process."

"And what happens in the event one doesn't?"

"The magic interprets for itself what to heal. Sometimes that interpretation might include defects that, while technically injuries, wouldn't typically need healing. Like a birthmark or crooked tooth…"

"Or?" she prompted as he trailed off.

"The loss of one's virginity," he answered quietly.

Though obviously startled by the news, Lilith didn't back away in panic or horror as he worried she might. She swallowed carefully and blew out a breath.

"Complicated…yes, I see what you mean now. Maddie's known this whole time, too, hasn't she? She had to have, or she wouldn't have had reason to talk to you about it."

"Yes. She decided I should be the one to tell you. Insisted, actually. The healer is quite intimidating."

Lilith smiled sympathetically at that.

"Having been her patient, I would have to agree. In any case, now I know what she wouldn't tell me. I knew she'd found something unusual early on, but couldn't get her to admit it. Now I know, and the question is- now what?"

"I did ask Maddie if there was a way to undo it, and she confirmed there wasn't."

"Well," Lilith drew out slowly. "Aside from the most _obvious_ way."

Obvious? Yes. Did Loki want to? More than anything. But would Lilith? In her place, he wouldn't blame her if she didn't. He shook his head. "You already went through that once. Even if I didn't intend for this to happen, I still wanted to find another way so you wouldn't have to again."

Lilith was silent for some time, expression unreadable. Not knowing what she was thinking was agonizing. But just as Loki was about to ask her, she spoke. "Crisis or opportunity," she mused aloud. "In one of the Midgardian languages, I believe they use the same word to mean both. It's up to the individual how to interpret it for themselves. I know which one I'd choose."

_Opportunity_, he read in her eyes. A chance to rewrite a new ending over an old memory. Not without its daunting aspects- for both of them. Certainly not something either of them was ready to undertake today. But someday. Someday soon. _When that day comes, Lilith, I promise I'll make it one memory you won't want to forget._


	43. Chapter 42: Commemoration

The dining room was full this morning, Frigga noted as she sat down. Not only was Thor present, but so was Odin. Usually, they were already well into their morning routine by the time the kitchen was ready to serve the meal. She wondered why they'd made a conscious effort to be present today. Especially since Thor didn't seem all that happy to be here. Questions she was sure would be answered soon enough.

Rather than focus on them, she smiled to herself as she watched the antics of Loki and Lilith. She'd missed whatever her son must have said, but the Lady was certainly amused by it. Hard to believe it had been less than a week since he had returned from Midgard. Frigga had seen a dramatic change in their bond together since then, and it had grown stronger with every day. And not just how they were with one another- each of them had developed as individuals, too. Perhaps the biggest transformation had been on his side; Frigga had never seen Loki smile so often or freely as these last few days.

"Mother, you have that look again," the raven-haired god teased.

Embarrassed for having been caught in a sentimental moment, she tried desperately not to blush as she reached for a pitcher and poured herself a drink. A denial would do her no good and would likely earn her more of his teasing in the end.

"I suppose I do," she admitted as she sipped appreciatively from her glass. She saluted him before setting it down again. "But then, so do you, my son."

"Touché."

Servants brought in trays laden with dishes from the kitchen, retreating once everything had been arranged on the snow white table linen. The aroma of seasoned potatoes, fried eggs and meats tempted her appetite. She wasn't the only one whose attention abruptly shifted. Conversation dropped off as everyone filled their plates. Of course, looking at the array of food set before them only reminded Frigga of something she wanted to bring up. And since everyone was here, now seemed a good enough time. She set down her fork and knife before clearing her throat to speak.

"It's coming up on the end of summer," she began. Everyone turned to her with curious anticipation to what she'd say next. "I was thinking as part of the festivities for the beginning of the harvest, we'd hold a feast here at the palace."

"I think it's an excellent idea," Thor agreed heartily, momentarily distracted from whatever mood had plagued him this morning. "Especially since I had to miss out on the concert."

"What are your thoughts, husband," she asked of Odin.

"When were you thinking to put on this feast?"

"In the next week or so. I haven't proceeded with any solid arrangements yet until we'd discussed it. I wasn't aware of anything that might pose a conflict or impact any plans that direction."

Curious…why did Odin's gaze dart suddenly to Loki? And why did the latter meet it with an almost imperceptible nod? Something was going on here. But as neither Thor nor Lilith had caught the exchange, Frigga kept her questions to herself. For now. One or the other of them would owe her an explanation later, though. And whatever the secret was, it had made up Odin's mind.

"I am in agreement with Thor," he said at last. "The year has been one worthy of celebration. A feast at summer's end would be an apt way to bring in the new season."

At least his answer went as she expected, giving Frigga the opportunity to put the next part of her plan in action. She turned to Lilith.

"I was wondering, my dear, if you would be interested in helping me with the arrangements?"

"Me?" The young woman looked surprised. "I guess I could. If you really want my help, that is."

Frigga absolutely did. For more than one reason. Firstly, she hoped to involve Lilith with official duties around the palace. Critical if she was going to be a permanent fixture in their midst- which Frigga certainly _hoped_ she would be- and if Asgard's ever growing needs were to be handled as they should be. Frigga had been carrying on with her duties alone for far too long, so having someone to take a share of the responsibilities would relieve her burden. _Since Thor sure hasn't made any attempt to find a Lady for himself,_ she groused inwardly. Odin had spoken about it with their son several times with no luck.

Thoughts of Thor's reluctance to look for a life mate brought Frigga's mind back to her more _personal_ reason for extending the offer to Lilith. Planning the harvest festival would require many hours where the two of them could be alone. And since the secrets about her past…and Danethar…had been aired, she no longer felt the same dread at that prospect. In fact, Frigga was curious beyond words to hear what Lilith would say about developments with Loki.

_I can't very well ask her when he's around._ Well, she _could_, but she preferred not to. Some questions- and their answers- were best kept between women. These planning sessions would be a perfect opportunity to do so without drawing undue suspicion.

"Wonderful," she said aloud, hoping that she hadn't been thinking overly long. "I'd like to talk later this morning, if you were available."

"Possibly…" Lilith hedged as her glance slid questioningly to her left.

The noncommittal reply was to be expected, she supposed. The two of them already had plans laid out for the day, and she would be reluctant to abandon them. Frigga wouldn't ask her to, either. After all, she hadn't given much advanced warning, and while important, the feast wouldn't suffer waiting until a more convenient time this afternoon. But then Odin spoke up, lending her cause some unlikely help.

"This morning would be a good idea, as the three of us will be in council."

Obviously, he meant Loki and Thor. Frigga couldn't hide her surprise, querying, "In council, you say? Just the three of you?"

"And a few others. I expect it will take most of the day, so you two should have time enough to discuss a feast."

If she was baffled at the sudden announcement, so was Thor. Lilith, too. Only Loki seemed less than surprised, which only added to Frigga's curiosity. Odin didn't appear inclined to elaborate the purpose of said meeting, however, so she didn't pursue the subject. She'd add it to the list of questions to put to her husband later when they were alone. That list was getting longer with every minute passing during breakfast.

"Well, I guess that settles it, then," Lilith remarked with a sharp look at Loki. No fool, she- the young woman had noticed his lack of surprise as well. "I would be glad to speak with you, Frigga. Though if we could take that meeting to my garden…I'd appreciate the chance to look in on it."

"Certainly. I've been meaning to get out to see it for myself, anyway."

Thor took the break in their exchange to voice his questions about the council meeting.

"Father, I had scheduled to review security at the city gates with my guardsmen this morning- is this meeting urgent?"

"It is."

"Well, even so…if Loki's there- do you really require _both_ of us?"

Naturally, he'd want to avoid spending time with the council if he could. Thor despised those meetings, preferring to be out doing something rather than sit amongst endless discussion. And now that Odin was entrusting Loki to attend them, he likely assumed most of it could be taken from his shoulders. Frigga understood why he'd want it that way, but also knew why Odin couldn't allow it. Governing wasn't all about doing what you liked- or even what you excelled at. It was also about how well you could manage the aspects that you found unpleasant or challenging.

"You will attend, Thor Odinson," Asgard's king commanded in a tone that brooked no argument. "Both of you."

Thor scowled into his plate, but did not contest his point further. Across from him, Loki seemed bemused. Or at least pleased someone else was in disfavor for once. Even if it was a minor disagreement.

_Some things never change._

I walked beside Frigga, attention only partially attuned to our conversation. Most of my mind was back on Odin's mysterious announcement at breakfast. If I didn't know better, I would have called it ominous. _Who am I kidding…of _course_ it was ominous._ All the more so because he wouldn't tell anyone its purpose. Even Thor hadn't known about it. _Loki did, though, didn't he?_

"Lilith?"

And now I'd been caught in my state of distraction. At least Frigga sounded more concerned than annoyed, though I wouldn't have blamed her if she'd been upset. She'd made a concerted effort to include me in the planning of what would be a significant event here at the palace and I couldn't even give her the courtesy of my full attention. I shook myself into the present.

"Sorry, I wasn't listening. Just can't for the life of me figure out what the Allfather could be convening a council about. Do you know?"

"I don't, actually," the Queen admitted, as I'd expected she would. "And am finding it as troublesome as you. Usually, I would at least have heard about it before he made an announcement."

We continued walking the corridors for a while in contemplative silence, each occupied by our own worries. As we passed, servants curtsied or bowed. They'd been doing that to me a lot lately- even when I was alone. I wasn't stupid; I knew why. Over the last few months, I'd made myself conspicuous enough that they couldn't mistake me for one of them. Especially not when they saw me with Loki.

I was pretty sure most of the palace staff thought I was crazy. To them, he was still the wildly unpredictable god who could rain down mayhem on Asgard on a whim. Which was true. Loki could certainly do that if he wanted. What most Asgardians hadn't figured out yet was that he didn't want to. That's what had changed these past few months. Not his nature- just how he intended to make use of it. Even he hadn't understood that, really, until we'd spoken about Danethar. So I was not surprised few others understood.

"Well, if we don't find out by evening, I'll ask Loki," I replied finally. "He'll tell me."

"Suppose he doesn't?"

"He'll tell me."

She didn't press me just how I intended to get the information, but I caught that smile softening her lips again as it had at breakfast. If I asked about it, I bet I would get a more verbose response than Loki had. I chose to ignore it instead, forestalling the discussion for the time being. But I now suspected that Frigga had more on her mind to ask me than my opinion about the harvest festival. Speaking of that…

"So you said you were interested in my help," I prompted. "I confess I don't know much that you might find useful. I've never planned…well, anything, really."

"That's why I asked. I thought it was time you learned."

"Perhaps," I agreed dubiously. "But don't you have other Ladies of the noble families that might be better suited…" My words faltered and trailed off as Frigga just looked at me expectantly. For a minute, I puzzled where I'd seen that look before. Then it came to me. "He learned it from _you_!"

"Learned what, dear?"

"That stare. The one that expects no further protest, no matter what. You're where Loki got it from."

Frigga laughed musically. "No surprise, since I've been using it on him since he was young. It's effective."

"Yeah, no kidding."

"But then, so is yours."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Lilith, you have a look from time to time that could stop an avalanche." A smile twitched at the corners of my mouth, but I didn't comment as she continued, "And speaking as one who's seen it first-hand, it's quite intimidating in its own right."

"Maybe I'll be more use than I thought for this feast. A look like that might be helpful when dealing with unreasonable vendors- as motivation for them to cooperate."

"Brandt the butcher would certainly be caught off guard," Frigga answered after a pause. "He usually thinks he can get his way, given he's about seven foot tall and resembles the bulls he slaughters in his shop."

The garden path was relatively deserted this time of day- especially so late in the summer. So no one was around to hear the both of us burst into unrestrained laughter. The image of me toe-to-toe with such a character, cowing him with a single glare, was just too much. But truly, what chance did anyone stand if I had already done battle against far more difficult cases- Odin and Loki, notably? None. Not surprisingly, we weren't able to regain our composure for several minutes. When we finally _did_ recover, Frigga and I resumed walking. I admitted to myself that I was glad to have the hostility put behind us.

We arrived at my garden just as I came to that thought. Late summer flowers braved the morning chill, a host of crimson, ochre and orange against a backdrop of purple Distar. They'd last for a few more weeks before frost would overpower them. The Distar would survive a while longer. In truth, it might weather the entire winter; I'd never had an opportunity to find out- until now. Beside me, Frigga stood silently for some time. I couldn't recall if she'd ever seen the garden, and wondered what she'd think.

"I had no idea," she whispered to herself. Then added a little louder, "It's lovely, Lilith. And those terraces…ingenious."

"I can't take all the credit. I came up with the design, but Loki helped build most of them. I never could have finished if he hadn't. This is as much his garden as it is mine."

That smile again.

"I don't think any of us pictured such amazing results."

She wasn't talking of the garden this time; I didn't pretend to misunderstand her.

"The potential was already there. All I did was provide the right encouragement. Loki did the rest himself."

I broke away from her to examine some of the supports for the trellises. A few Distar vines were encroaching upon the annuals, so I repositioned them where they would find better purchase for their thirst for growth.

"Lilith," Frigga hesitated. I said nothing, waiting for her to ask the rest of her question. "Have you thought what you want where Loki's concerned? Not just for now- but long term?"

She'd stopped just shy of the question she'd truly wanted to ask, and we both knew it. But Frigga wasn't yet prepared to suggest the idea of marriage aloud. Interesting that she was considering it- and that she wondered if _I_ might be as well. That told me far more about this morning's invitation than anything else.

Of course, considering her motives only served to distract me from answering her question- spoken and unspoken. Didn't do so much in the way of preventing me from _thinking _about it. But then, I'd already gone over this subject in my mind a thousand times in the past few days alone. More if I counted the times the idea had whispered in the back of my mind before the concert. They were thoughts, though. Theories of maybes that I hadn't quite believed would ever need a serious answer. Perhaps I'd been mistaken. But could I envision the idea of being married?

_Can Loki?_ I knew he cared about me- wanted me, even- but I wasn't sure he wanted to commit to forever. And barring an untimely death, marriage would bind us for the rest of our lives. Suppose in a few years, his feelings changed? I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life tied to an empty title and little else. And I wouldn't want to press him into making an offer just because he thought he _should_. _But if he _does_ offer- a serious one- what would you say?_

Frigga was now the one waiting on my answer, and had been for longer than I'd planned. I couldn't deny that I'd had any ideas at this point, but I didn't want to say any of the things I _had_ been thinking aloud. No need to concern her. _At least any more than I already have,_ I sighed inwardly. She looked at me with a worried frown, tipped off by my own expression, probably.

"I have," I told her simply. "But the now is what I plan to focus on. The future will come soon enough and in its own time. Why rush it?"

Frigga was effectively deterred from asking more questions. Today. She'd ask again, though. Maybe when that day came, I'd have a better idea what to tell her. I was about to redirect our conversation to the feast when a woman's voice called out.

"Lilith? And my Lady Queen. Good morning to you both."

Birgitta. I craned my neck to see that Jorra, Kendry and Marie were all with her. They all seemed to be quite surprised to find me here. Or maybe Frigga. We all stood silent for a moment until I realized that I was expected to answer. Without my knowing, these women had somehow claimed me as their friend. Better start acting like it, so I stepped forward to greet them.

"Ladies, welcome. I wouldn't have expected you out and about so early."

"Normally, you'd be right. But Timar insisted I 'get some air'." Birgitta shook her head with a laugh. "I'm sure it was just an excuse so he could set up a surprise without me underfoot to ruin it."

"We thought a walk through the palace gardens would be long enough for what he had in mind," Kendry added. "What of you two- what brings you out this morning? If you don't mind our asking."

Frigga didn't seem to object, and I didn't see what harm would come of telling them of the upcoming feast. Definitely safer than the other topic we'd been discussing a moment ago. Friends or not, I wasn't going to risk that any word passed to them about me and Loki would end up all over Asgard before nightfall. So I picked an answer that would steer us away from that while still remaining honest.

"Two birds with one stone. The garden needed checking up on this morning. And since the Queen and I were discussing an idea to hold a feast at the palace to celebrate the coming of autumn, we decided that my garden was an apropos spot for it. More inspirational than sitting indoors, you could say."

_Okay, not quite as honest as I could have been._ Even Frigga raised an eyebrow at my…embellishment of the truth. I was sure she'd have something to say about it when we were alone again. But she didn't contradict my story in front of the others.

"Oh, in that case, don't let us interrupt you," Jorra quickly interjected.

The four of them looked as if they might be on their way, but Frigga bade them stay. "Not at all," she assured them smoothly, and continued with a fib of her own. "We could use a break, anyway."

"Are you certain, my Queen?"

"Yes, of course. So, Lady Birgitta- a surprise, you say?"

The woman blushed happily, and exchanged a look with her friends before replying, "My husband and I discovered that I'm pregnant. I think he's renovating one of the spare rooms for the baby."

"That's wonderful. When are you due?"

"My physician says sometime in early spring."

I'd forgotten all about that. Thor had mentioned Birgitta's condition…nearly a month ago, now that I thought about it. But to be fair, I'd had quite a bit on my own plate keeping my mind occupied. Was I supposed to have brought it up before when we were talking about the concert? Or was I supposed to wait until a time like now, when she brought it up first? I honestly didn't know, having never really had much experience with being someone's friend. And now I just felt awkward. Nevertheless, I added my own congratulations to Frigga's.

"I'm sure you must be excited. Do you hope for a boy or a girl?"

"We'll be happy with either, though I wonder how a daughter might cope with Timar's plans to train her no different than any of the boys."

"Don't worry- Sif's a great instructor."

Four pair of eyes widened at the idea that I'd train with a warrior. Kendry spoke first.

"You've taken lessons?"

"For a few weeks. You should try it for yourselves." My gaze fell on the pregnant Birgitta. "Well, maybe not until after the baby in your case. It'd be a good way to keep limber, though. I've noticed a difference even after just a few lessons."

A few lukewarm replies. No surprise. Like most women, they had learned cursory weapons' training as children, but put such activities away shortly thereafter. Over the past few weeks- and since my conversation with Odin- I was convinced it was a practice that maybe wasn't in Asgard's best interest. Something to talk over with Thor when I got a chance. As for my four friends, they were more interested in discussing the baby. I didn't _not_ want to talk about it…but at the mention of children and pregnancy, a curious tremor flashed through me.

_What in the name of Hel _was_ that?_

Right now wasn't exactly the time or place I wanted to go digging in to the answer to that question, so yeah, the less said about the business, the better. Frigga must have noticed my sudden unease. She assumed command of the conversation, letting me participate only infrequently- for which I was immensely grateful. And eventually, Birgitta and her friends took their leave. Frigga glanced over to me after they'd gone, debated a moment whether to say anything, then smiled regretfully.

"Well, I don't think we accomplished much this morning. Hopefully Odin's meeting has better luck."

Thor sent a page to the guardhouse in town, instructing him to find the warriors and let them know of the change in plans. He tried not to sound half as irritated as he felt. If Odin wanted to call a council meeting, that was fine. But a warning of more than _an hour or two_ would have been nice. After he finished dictating his message to the boy, Thor turned away to see his brother waiting outside the council room. Since the announcement at breakfast, Loki acted as if unperturbed by the order. Surely he and Lilith had plans for the morning, so why wasn't he upset at having to cancel them? Thor had one answer to that question.

"If I didn't know better," he said as he came up to stand next to him. "I'd almost think you've been expecting this meeting."

Loki didn't deny it, and shrugged as he replied, "I was."

"So you want to tell me what it's about?"

"Odin said we'd meet at ten am, which is just minutes away; you'll find out then. Trust me, Thor, you'll be glad to be here when Odin does start talking."

"But why'd he tell _you_ and not me?"

"That's _his_ business, Brother. I can't help what Odin chooses to reveal and to whom."

Typical. A response designed to irritate him without saying much of anything. Before he could demand a better answer out of him, the doors opened. Loki had already passed through them, leaving Thor to grumble under his breath as he followed him inside. Around the table sat several faces he'd expected; others not so much. Heimdall, for one. This meeting must be important indeed to take him from his watch on the Bifrost. Thor also recognized a few of the Lords from the towns nearby. They must have ridden in yesterday to be here so early.

Several places sat open at the oval-shaped table. Despite his annoyance with Loki, Thor chose one to the right of him and sat down. Everyone was getting situated while Odin waited to begin. The delay gave Thor time to observe and think. His brother was right. Having surveyed those in attendance for this meeting, he was somewhat pacified about having been required to attend. For their part, some of the Lords weren't overjoyed to be here. But he surmised that had more to do with his brother's presence than the timing. They stole covert glances at Loki- some even brazen enough to whisper to one another in consternation. Thor wasn't the only one to notice it.

_Well, Father, we're all here. Best get on with this before the powder keg explodes and we get nothing done._

Odin nodded to the pages to leave, and the doors closed. He rose from his chair and cast a serious look around the table, making sure to meet everyone's gaze before moving onto the next. And then he spoke.

"My friends and assembled council members, I've gathered you all to speak of grave matters that concern everyone in this room- and the people they protect."

"Allfather," answered one of his father's oldest advisors, Lord Felder. "We're all anxious to hear of your news. Pray, what ill omen threatens Asgard?"

"As you all may recall, this past spring we fought a campaign against the Dark Elves." Nodding heads and furrowed brows all round. His father did not wait for any questions to interrupt his speech. "I have good reason to expect retaliation from their side in the coming months. My hope is that an attack will not be possible before winter's end, but I cannot be sure how soon they will strike."

Murmurs rippled through the room this time- agitated, worried. The campaign this year had been costly, so Thor didn't blame them for having concerns what may come if they had to fight another so soon. He wasn't any more enthusiastic about the idea, honestly. Too many friends lost on those not so distant battlefields. But if Odin was calling this meeting, he must have been sure that a counter-attack was inevitable. They might as well prepare for it as soon as possible.

_And this time maybe we won't endure the hardships we faced before, _he considered with as much optimism he could muster. _Loki will give us quite the advantage._ Now he better understood the point of that conversation with Odin the day they'd returned from Midgard. He must have known then, and was biding his time until this meeting before revealing the whole of his plans.

While he'd been thinking, the others had already begun a spirited debate. Which towns would be the most vulnerable and should be given extra defense. Which roads should be patrolled for the earliest warning possible. All manner of questions thrown out at dizzying speed. Thor hadn't seen such panic in the council for a long time. Odin patiently saw to their seemingly unending concerns, never showing any annoyance- even when he was repeating himself for the fifth time.

How he managed such calm, Thor couldn't fathom. He certainly didn't look forward to inheriting this aspect of ruling Asgard when the time came. _I wonder if I could convince Loki to sit in on these council meetings and just give me the highlights._ Thor was only half-serious, knowing that he had a duty to Asgard, and he couldn't pawn it off on anyone. Not even his brother. _I'm definitely going to insist that he attend them alongside me, though._ No way did he intend to face this mind-numbing process alone.

Gradually, silence fell over the group. To Thor, it felt laden with tension as they all waited for someone to bring up the one thing no one wanted to admit was a concern. Finally, one of the younger Lords could endure it no longer.

"My apologies if I am out of turn, my King, but I must speak."

"Yes, Lord Svendal? What is your concern?"

"_Him_," the man indicated with a nod in Loki's direction. The hostility in that one word conveyed everything he felt against his brother. "I ask for an explanation why _he's_ here at this meeting when he has no interest in _protecting_ Asgard."

The room feel deathly silent, as if holding its breath in wait for Loki's reaction to the accusation. His brother never moved or said a word, but the warning glow in his eye bespoke the storm lurking beneath that calm. And yet Svendal's worry was not entirely without merit, Thor admitted reluctantly. Even Loki couldn't deny that in the past his aim had been more towards subversion where Asgard was concerned. But where he felt the Lord erred was in his failure to recognize that the Allfather was well aware of the past, and would not have dismissed it without good reason. That's what fueled his brother's anger. Thor's too. Frankly, he felt insulted at Svendal's insolence towards all of them. Heimdall looked equally annoyed.

"I understand that you may be hesitant to see the Prince as a trustworthy asset," Odin conceded with far more diplomacy than the upstart deserved. "However, recent events in Asgard and Midgard have proven to me that we would be wasting a critical advantage to discount his help."

"Recent events? Only a few years ago, he wanted to subjugate us all. How do you expect us to work side by side now?"

Several others- mostly the Lords from the outer towns- voiced similar concerns. Only a handful remained silent- Heimdall, Thor and a few others like Lord Felder who had witnessed Loki's recent transformation first-hand. Odin let the discontented squabbling continue, neither supporting it nor quelling it. That irked Thor most of all. Enough that he finally lost his temper and pounded a fist on the table. The loud crack startled everyone to silence.

"Thor Odinson, do you have something to say?"

He glared at Lord Svendal, who seemed to shrink back in his chair. "Yeah, I do."

"Speak, then."

"I want to know when the members of this council turned into _cowards_."

At the word 'coward', the loudest who'd spoken against Loki turned a bright shade of red- Svendal, especially. But none of them dared interrupt him as Thor berated them for their stupidity.

"They whine about wrongs that have already been settled, and have no interest in understanding the present as it stands. Throwing out accusations instead of posing questions that might provide true understanding. Could they ask about the campaign Loki and I fought together on Midgard against H.Y.D.R.A.? They could, but don't. And so they'd rather risk defeat at the hands of our true enemy over a victory that might chase the Dark Elves out of Asgard for good. For what reason, I ask? We're _wasting time_, and if the Allfather is right- we don't have that luxury, dammit."

Now the members of the council were borderline furious, but Lord Felder held the peace. He turned to Thor and suggested quietly, "There's no need for your hostility, Prince."

"I beg to differ." Thor nudged Loki with his elbow. "You could be more helpful- why the Hel aren't you sticking up for yourself?"

"They're not going to listen to me, anyway. Why waste my breath? Convincing the Metal Man and your mortal friends wasn't half as pointless as this group."

"So what, you're just going to sit there and do nothing? Let them tell you you can't help when you know we'll need it?"

"I never said that. I'll provide all the assistance I can- whether they want it or not. But I'm not going to spend untold hours trying to make them agree to take it."

"I swear you are just as stubborn sometimes."

"Realistic," Loki countered.

Frustrated beyond words, Thor couldn't think of a way to get what he wanted without it coming to blows. How he wished he could just settle things so easily. But this was not the training yard and he was expected to solve this with words, not at the point of a blade. And since he'd already used up the best argument he had to no avail, finding more was proving challenging.

"What happened on Midgard," asked one of the regional Lords whose name Thor couldn't recall. Heads turned towards the man and he shrugged. "Odinson mentioned that they'd fought on Midgard. I'm curious to know more about it."

After that tentative broach at peace, the discussions seemed to go more smoothly. Thor sketched out an overview of what he and Loki had faced against H.Y.D.R.A., and just how pivotal Loki had been in winning that battle. One by one, the other council members gave up their wary suspicion as they posed questions. By the time he'd gotten through it, most were satisfied. No surprise, Lord Svendal was unwilling to let go of his hostility. But as he no longer held the majority opinion, his objections were curtailed for the remainder of the meeting.

Once they got to discussing the matter of the Dark Elves, the hours flew by. Lunch came and went without anyone suggesting a break. But they made good progress, he thought. Everyone knew what role they had to play in the preparations. Thor expected long days ahead as he trained harder with his men, and in the colder months of winter, no less.

_Still easier than the task ahead for Loki._

His brother had the riskiest part to play of anyone. Reconnaissance in the Svartalfheim realm itself to discover plans and assess the Dark Elves' progress. Not only would it be dangerous if he were caught, it meant spending weeks at a time away from Asgard. _Away from Lilith._ No, Thor did not envy him that one bit.

Odin's meeting had gone just about as well as Loki expected it would. The moment he'd walked into the room, he'd known the Lords of the council would be against him. It was the Avengers all over again, only far worse. The Asgardians had a much longer list of grievances- not to mention a far longer memory. Their protests came as no surprise. At least not to _him_.

Thor, on the other hand…well, he'd certainly taken a different and altogether unexpected stance on the subject. Loki had been no less astonished than the others at his vehemence. So he'd given Odin a favorable impression of him a few days ago about Midgard. But that had been in private. Defending him before some of the most prominent members of Asgardian society was another thing. Loki wouldn't soon to forget it. _And if the council knows what's best for them, they likely shouldn't, either._

Despite the never-ending meeting, his involvement hadn't changed much from the plan Odin had proposed to him a few days ago. Only now, more people had been made aware of it. Loki had stressed very adamantly- and repeatedly- to the council members that they should keep that information in confidence until after the conflict with the Dark Elves was resolved. He had no wish for any part of his plan to become compromised by loose tongues. Twelve was already a larger number than what made him comfortable.

Loki tried not to think about any of that; he had far more important worries that required his attention. Namely coming up with a plan for the task he'd been given. Over the next few months, he was to be Asgard's spy in Svartalfheim, providing much needed intelligence and strategic advice to the rest of the council members. The Allfather had granted him a reprieve until after the feast that his mother was planning. A week or two at best, then he was expected to put his skills to good use with the Dark Elves.

_That doesn't give me much time for Lilith, _he thought with dismay. Loki quickened his steps to where he knew she'd be waiting in the library. _So I intend to make the most of it._

She was sitting in her usual chair when he arrived. Although perhaps 'sitting' wasn't quite the right word. Loki smiled to himself, amused at how her legs dangled over the arm of the chair as she reclined in it cross-wise. The other armrest served as a pillow while she propped up the book she was reading against her knees. Lilith turned the page with an aggravated snarl, not noticing his arrival.

"You idiot," she grumbled at some unfortunate character in the book. "Why would you go and do a stupid thing like that? It's only going to cause you more trouble in the end." Another sigh, as if the recipient of her annoyance could hear her. "Well fine, but don't say I didn't warn you."

Adorable. Simply adorable. Loki slipped around to stand behind her and peered down with a quizzical expression.

"Yelling at the misbehaving literary personae again?"

She tipped her head back, smiled, and then rolled her eyes. "Yes."

"You know they can't _hear_ you, right?"

"Not yet. Perhaps another day, though," she muttered absently to herself while she returned her gaze to the pages. "Granted, I can't be _too_ upset when they can't help what someone else wrote. So I guess I will try not to lecture them overmuch."

"Have you…" he paused. "Can you actually create realms from books you've read?"

"I don't see why not," she replied with a shrug. "It's possible I already have and just don't know it yet. I used to daydream about a lot of the books I read."

"About the ones we're reading now, for instance?"

"Hard not to- the world is well crafted. I've always been curious what happened in the one territory after the series ended. The author never went back to revisit it, so I've had to invent a few theories of my own."

"I'd be interested to see it sometime," he admitted.

Lilith hoisted herself to a normal sitting position and thought for a minute. "I suppose I could-"

"Not today," Loki interrupted before she could finish. "Save that for when we have more time to spare."

"I see." Lilith studied him intently. "I'm guessing Odin's meeting this morning is the reason we don't."

_Dammit_. Should have known she'd bring that up the second he gave her the opportunity. Loki didn't want to _hide_ from her what was going on- nor could he hope to once the trips to Svartalfheim began- but he wasn't quite prepared yet for what to tell her. And what _not_ to tell her._ I guess I'm going to make this up as I go._

"In part, yes."

"So is this something you can tell me- or not?"

He could lie. Lilith had asked a question that could end the conversation right now. If Loki were willing to lie. And he didn't think she'd asked it with that intent. For once, whatever answer he gave her, Lilith would believe it as the truth. So very tempting to save himself the difficult conversation ahead by telling her the meeting was not something he could talk about. With a sigh, he resisted that temptation.

"It's not good."

"I assumed it wouldn't be."

"Odin thinks the Dark Elves will retaliate for the losses they suffered this past spring. In fact, he's almost certain they will."

_Truth._

"I wish I could say I didn't believe it, but the campaign was humiliating for them in the end. Of course they'd want revenge. So does he think it'll be the same small scale campaigns as before…or something much bigger?"

"He doesn't know." Loki sat across from her and feigned an air of nonchalance. "That's what I'm supposed to determine, apparently."

"Hmmm. And just how, exactly, are you meant to do that?"

"Odin is looking to me to do a bit of intelligence gathering. Similar to what I'd done on Midgard against H.Y.D.R.A.- work out the strengths and weaknesses of the enemy and advise our allies how best to use them. Shouldn't be that difficult to do the same thing against the Dark Elves."

_Lie._

Lilith was only marginally convinced by it. She set the book aside and folded her arms. Dead giveaway that she wouldn't be swayed so easily. So Loki wasn't surprised at her next question. Well, not so much question as statement.

"Intelligence gathering. That doesn't sound like something you can do from Asgard." She paused significantly before supplying an answer for herself. "He's sending you to Svartalfheim."

"I'll have to spend some time there, yes."

_Truth._

"When?"

"Odin suspects they'll be ready as early as early spring."

"Soon, then." Loki didn't mistake the disappointment in her voice. "He'll want the earliest advantage he can get."

"The way I see it, the sooner I go, the sooner I return."

She was not so optimistic, and asked quietly, "Suppose they catch you. What's the Allfather's plan then?"

"Those inept creatures- catch me? Lilith, I can more than handle the Dark Elves."

_Lie._

"What is his plan," she repeated insistently, not deterred one bit.

"We're still discussing the details. This morning's meeting was to identify preliminary avenues in our strategy."

Lilith's eyes narrowed slightly. She didn't believe him for a second. But rather than call out the falsehood for what it was, she did something far worse.

"You tell Odin that's one detail he better have arranged, or I'll make some of my own."

Loki resisted the shudder at the implication behind those terrifying words. Just as she'd threatened before about his promise to the Norns, she was prepared to cross into dangerous territory for his sake. And dangerous Svartalfheim would be, more so in many ways than Hel. Loki didn't want to imagine Lilith in the hands of the Dark Elves. An all too real possibility if he found himself captured and on his own. Even if she could build a gate to Svartalfheim, Lilith couldn't know the territory well enough to find him- much less free him from a Dark Elf stronghold. She'd be killed…or worse.

"I'll see he gets the message," Loki whispered the moment his voice worked again. "In the meantime, I had something else I wanted to talk to you about."

"About what?"

"Danethar." _Who would have thought I would ever think the subject of Danethar as a pleasant alternative to _anything_? _"He's waited long enough, I think, to get what he deserves."

"Then you've decided how to end it."

He had. Days ago. But only found himself able to bring it up today. Still couldn't believe he was going to let Lilith watch as he executed Danethar. As he unleashed the worst he had to offer of himself- to let her glimpse the monster beneath the man. In a way, an act more vulnerable than confessing his feelings. Over the last five days, he'd wavered about asking her to release him from his promise. But in the end, he had to believe that she'd meant what she'd told him.

"I have, and if you still wish to see it…"

"I do." Lilith rose from her chair and nodded. "Ready when you are."

He certainly didn't _look_ ready, but Loki rose from his chair, anyway, and reached for my hand. I squeezed it reassuringly, hoping that he understood why I wanted to do this. A nervous smile hovered on his lips. He made no reply as we left the library. In fact, silence accompanied us the whole walk to the dungeon stairs. I didn't suggest creating a gate that would get us their quicker; Loki didn't seem to be in a hurry to arrive.

Arrive we did, though. I trailed behind him on the spiraling stairs to Danethar's cell, watching our twin shadows race us to the bottom. The trip down seemed far quicker this time than my last journey. Then again, I didn't have to worry about concealing my presence; stealth takes time. The curving wall opened out into a large space as I remembered from before. Loki entered it with no show of hesitation. I held back a bit, waiting to hear how Danethar would react.

"So it's you again," I heard his weary rasp. Barely. Danethar's obnoxious bellow that I'd known so well was worn to a pathetic snivel. "Was beginning to wonder if you'd gotten bored and forgot about me."

"I'm glad to hear that you missed my visits," Loki replied with polite venom. Oh yes, he'd already shifted to his other self- the one he'd been so reluctant to let me see. "Rest assured, boredom has not kept me for so many days. But you should be glad of the reprieve, because I've come to finish what I've started."

"How much longer are you going to do this!?" Danethar demanded in a desperate shriek. "What more can you possibly do to me?"

"Do you really want to know? I suggest you rethink that question, Danethar, or I might just tell you _exactly_ what I intend to do."

I chose that moment to enter the room. Last time, I had only seen the barest details as I'd tried to keep out of sight. Now I was afforded a much better view. The heavy stone around us; the table of instruments; the wretched shell of the man who'd I'd once been forced to call 'husband' in his cage. So preoccupied was I with surveying the room that I nearly missed his reaction to seeing me. His eyes widened in horror, and he flung himself back form the bars.

"No! No- whatever it is- I beg you. No more. And not with _her_ here. Send her away!"

Loki raised an eyebrow as he looked at me askance, but said nothing. He gestured that I could address the request myself if I wished. I bared my teeth in a feral smile, then glided across the room to stand at Danethar's cell. I think that was when Loki finally understood why I didn't fear- and could embrace- the violence he was about to unleash; I had a dark side of my own, after all. Othar had almost experienced it firsthand. And hadn't I created Urackbeld, setting my double up as its ruler over the miscreants there?

"I must say, Danethar," I mused sardonically. "You disappoint me. So quick to appeal for mercy for a man who never gave any."

He curled in on himself, whimpering softly.

"Not so much fun when the tables are turned, is it? If all your _conquests_ could see you now as _I_ see you. How many were there- do you even know?" I paused to chuckle mirthlessly. "No, I don't expect you do. Less than you likely bragged about to your fawning dogs, Willem and Eckert. But far more than the ones we know of, I'll wager. Far more than ever _should_ have endured someone like you."

I heard movement from somewhere else in the room- Loki, I guessed- but I kept my gaze fixed on Danethar. He lifted his head from the stone floor and looked at me, as if he couldn't quite reconcile the woman standing before him with the one in his memories. _You weren't paying attention, Danethar. And you'll pay dearly for it before this day is over._ His eyes shifted to the man standing just behind me, briefly, and then returned to me. I saw the moment something broke in him. The last shred of pride he had left stripped bare as he begged.

"Lilith, anything you want. I'll do _anything_ you want if you stop him. He'll listen to you. Just tell him not to do this anymore. _Please_."

"Anything I want, you say," I purred dangerously, taking one step closer to the iron bars.

"Anything."

"There is one thing I want."

"I'll do it. I swear. Just call off that monster behind you."

"Of course you'll do it, Danethar." I laughed again, the sound falling on my ears in sharp-edged notes. Did the idiot truly think he was bargaining with me for his freedom? He couldn't be that stupid to think I would have any sympathy for him after what he did to me? "The funny thing is, I've already put an end to your daily nightmare. You needn't have bothered asking."

"Thank you."

"I didn't do it for_ you_, and I don't want your thanks. I just want the one last thing you can do to atone for the monster _you_ are."

Silence. Danethar didn't even have the courage to ask what it was. I stared down at him, feeling vindicated at last. Then in a cold, dispassionate voice, I answered what he was too afraid to know.

"You can die, Danethar. _That's_ what you can do for me." I stepped back and glanced at Loki. "I'm finished with him; he's _yours_ now."

The cell door swung open, and Loki bade him rise, "Come now, Danethar. You're getting what you've asked for. How many times have you begged for this to be over? After today, it will be. But you have to come out and face it, first."

The condemned man obeyed, though he trembled and wept with every step. He shuffled into the main room, standing awkwardly vulnerable amidst the instruments that would soon end his life. _Well, soon might be a relative term. I'm sure this will seem interminable from his perspective._ I moved to a position that gave me an excellent view and settled in to watch.

It took three hours for Danethar to die. Three brutal hours. Each of them filled with desperate screams and pleas for mercy. All unheard. And the blood. So much blood. It ran in rivulets down the sides of the worktable and between the cracks of the stone slabs laid into the floor. I wondered absently who- if anyone- would have to clean it up later. A mere fleeting thought, passing almost as quickly as it surfaced. Most of my attention focused on the scene before me.

For his part, Loki was true to his word. He proceeded with the execution as if I wasn't there. Maybe he intentionally forgot. Or perhaps he needed his full attention on Danethar and had none left to spare for thoughts of an audience. I suspected a bit of both. Whatever the reason, though, I saw everything. Saw the depth and breadth of the violence that lived beneath the surface. I wasn't disappointed.

Danethar breathed his last. I swore I heard relief in that final sigh. And by the look in Loki's eyes, the feeling was mutual. For a long time, he stared at the lifeless corpse. Silent. I wanted to ask him if he was okay, but decided to wait until he was ready to acknowledge the world around him again. No telling what was running through his mind just now. Better to give it time to settle.

I hadn't taken my eyes away from him when his gaze finally met mine. No remorse or regret there, but I could see the barely concealed worry that I couldn't live up to the words I'd said to him. That I couldn't accept the man I'd just seen and that I'd look at him differently now that I'd seen him this way. Whatever he'd been afraid to see in my eyes wasn't there, and Loki approached me slowly. My feet moved of their own accord, treading carefully to avoid the gore but never looking once at it.

We met halfway, and he deliberately blocked my view of the table. I couldn't help noticing the crimson drops beading on the leather sleeves of his armor. Blood. Danethar's. Serpentine trails of it traced patterns down the front as well. Evidence of the gruesome work he'd finished only moments ago. His hands remained at his sides, seemingly unable to bring himself to touch me. I reached for them, interlacing our fingers.

"It's done, then," I whispered gratefully. "Thank you."

"You don't have to-"

"_Thank you_, Loki. Truly."

I slipped my hands from his and wrapped my arms around him in a fierce embrace. A half-second later, Loki's arms circled around my lower back. I didn't even care about the blood, which would likely transfer to my clothes. I just stood there and held him.

"We should go," he suggested eventually.

"What of…" I didn't even get to finish my question.

"It'll be dealt with. I've already made arrangements on that score."

Even if he hadn't and was just lying to keep me from asking more about it, I chose to believe him.

"Okay, we'll go, then."

We ascended the stairs and arrived back in the familiar world of the royal wing of the palace. From up here, it was difficult to believe that the events of the past few hours really happened. But real they were. I needed only look down to my clothes to know the truth. Loki's thoughts must have been similar, and he stopped when we reached our suites.

"I need to change." He glanced at me. "And so do you."

"I would have to agree."

"I'll likely be a half hour." I didn't ask what would take so long. He reached for my hand suddenly, and asked, "Would you wait for me in your garden?"

Having already been there this morning with Frigga, I really didn't have a need to return to it again. Surely Loki knew that. So he must have had his own reasons for wanting to see me there. I didn't question him about that, either.

"I'll be glad to," I answered before stepping towards my suite. "Try not to keep me waiting too long."

_Wouldn't dream of it,_ he answered silently as the door closed behind her. _I've already waited long enough._

As she'd said in the dungeons a moment ago, everything with Danethar was finally over. Ended once the wretch had been delivered to Hel where he belonged. And as much as he'd been nervous about letting Lilith witness it, Loki admitted she'd been right to ask to be there. She needed the closure as much or more than he did. And he now knew beyond a doubt that she not only understood what he was, but that it didn't change her feelings for him. Knowing both those things gave him the confidence to ask for what he wanted most.

_Just need some time to clear away the reminders of Danethar's execution first._

He entered his suite and headed immediately for the bathing room. Calling for servants would have been his normal routine, but today wasn't exactly normal. Loki had no wish for them to see him in the state he was in now, and preferred to attend to himself for once. The water turned on at his touch and he left the room to deal with his clothes. Despite having spent the last three hours tearing Danethar apart, they'd suffered little other than a slight spattering of blood. A dampened cloth remedied that quickly. Loki didn't even glance at it once he'd finished, tossing it in with other refuse to be removed from his suite. His armor he discarded and set aside for laundering.

The water level in the tub had risen high enough, so he turned it off. No need to completely fill it if he didn't intend to be here very long. Just a waste of time waiting for it, not to mention a waste of the hot water. Loki descended the marble steps and sighed contentedly as the heat drew the tension out of his muscles. _It's finally over_, he repeated to himself as his eyes closed. He'd never have to see that dungeon again, or Danethar. And now that he could say it was over, Loki could admit that he hadn't been sure he could have faced another sixty-six days of that. Not in one piece, anyway. _Lilith was right; I'd gotten so caught up in what I thought I needed to do that I couldn't see what it would have meant to keep going._

Shaking his head to clear the last of those thoughts away, he reached for the oils and concentrated on what he came here to do. And while Loki didn't exactly rush, he didn't take as long as he might have usually. Twenty minutes later, he was already dressed and walking out the door of his suite. He would have teleported to the garden the very next minute, except just then his mother appeared at the top of the stairs. Her eyes lit up when she saw him, and Loki couldn't be so rude as to vanish without giving her at least a few minutes' time.

"Mother," he greeted her.

"Is the council meeting over, then?" she asked in return. "I haven't seen any of you since breakfast and had begun to wonder."

"Some time ago, actually. We concluded the session not long after midday."

"Strange. I would have thought to see one of you before then. Hiding?"

"Well, I can't say what Odin and my brother have been up to, but I suspect the latter might have gone to speak with his guardsmen the second we adjourned."

"And yourself," Frigga inquired, innocent to what she was asking to know.

"Lilith and I had plans this morning," Loki replied vaguely. "We rescheduled them for this afternoon. What of you, Mother- through planning for the day?"

"I'm afraid we didn't get very far with that this morning. I was about to look in on Lilith's suite to see if she had time to talk this afternoon. I don't suppose you might know where she is?"

He didn't want to answer. Rather, he wanted to lie and say he didn't know. Reluctantly, he chose to tell her the truth. "She's out in her garden. I was on my way to see her now."

"Would you mind if I joined you," Frigga asked in a tone that suggested she already knew what his answer might be.

"I would, actually."

"Oh. Well, I suppose I could wait until later. I didn't mean to intrude…"

"I wouldn't usually mind," Loki explained gently, trying to ease the bluntness of his previous response. "But I need to speak with Lilith. _Alone_."

"Is it serious?"

"You could say that. Don't worry. I'll tell her you'd like to see her when I've finished."

"Well, in that case, off with you, then."

"By your leave, Mother," he answered slyly and sketched a hasty bow.

Frigga shook her head with a sigh at his good-natured impertinence. Before she could call him on it, though, he was gone. Teleported to the garden. Lilith was there already, sitting on a bench he couldn't recall from the last time he was here. When she saw him, she stood.

"You're earlier than you said you'd be."

"Well, you did tell me not to keep you waiting."

"Which we both knew I meant as a jest. You didn't need to hurry, really. Not on my account."

"By lucky coincidence, I had my own reasons not to delay."

"Oh really? I must admit, I was a little curious why you wanted to meet out here."

"The garden seemed the most fitting place for what I have to say." Loki took her hand in his and held her gaze with his. No hesitation. "Lilith, you are the world to me. I couldn't let another day pass without saying so- without telling you that I…I love you."

"You love me?" she echoed in a breathy whisper.

"With all my heart. It's yours, you know. Yours alone."

Lilith's eyes shone with joy, a radiant smile lighting her countenance from within. He was about to kiss her when she surprised him with her reply.

"I'll accept it on one condition."

"Condition?"

"You'll keep mine in return. I love you, Loki."

Words he'd longed to hear for months. For a lifetime. Loki could have stopped there and considered himself more than happy. But he couldn't turn back now. Taking a steadying breath, he found the words he needed. Surprisingly few, as it turned out.

"Lilith…will you marry me?" He pressed an index finger to her lips before she could reply. "You don't have to answer that now. Think first- as long as you need to. I've had nearly two months to consider it, so it wouldn't be fair to give you time to do the same."

"Two months?" was the first thing she said when he'd finished. "You've really been thinking about proposing for _two months_?"

"Very nearly. Until recently, though, I didn't hold out much hope. Not until I came back from Midgard."

"But you waited for today. Why today?"

"A lot of reasons. But they all add up to the same thing, really." Loki was reluctant to give it, but felt he had to answer, since she'd asked. "I didn't want to ask while you might still be haunted by…"

Now Lilith silenced him.

"You don't have to finish that sentence," she told him emphatically. "_Ever_."

Loki was grateful not to have to mention Danethar's name, and that Lilith was of the same mind that neither of them need speak it again.

"I won't. But I meant what I said. I want you to think about your answer."

"You say that as if you don't realize I already have." She smiled at his shocked expression. "Did you think you were the only one?"

"You…you were…"

"Maybe not for _two months_, but certainly longer than just this conversation we're having now."

Loki couldn't quite make himself ask whether she'd decided either way. He wanted to know. Badly. But words failed him.

"Yes," Lilith answered softly. "Yes, Loki, I will marry you."


	44. Chapter 43: Celebration

_**Authors Note: So this is the redacted version of this chapter. This one ties up the last of the loose ends here- the wedding and the wedding night (yeah, that's where you'll notice I had to cut some things out). In any case, some amorous bits left in, so be forewarned. If you want the full version, send me a PM. **_

He had only one task for the morning: keep Loki occupied and away from Lilith. Thor was fairly certain it was going to kill him. Or Loki. Or both. For the hundredth time since breakfast he wondered if locking him in the palace dungeon would make things easier. Certainly easier than trying to keep all that restless energy contained by brute force alone. And _talking_ to him? No chance. Words were even _less_ effective. Thor tried, anyway.

"Brother, I swear you are going to drive me mad. Can you not stop pacing for _one_ minute?"

No answer. Doubtful he heard a word. Loki's latest circuit of the room brought him past the open window, hardly registering the commotion of the crowds below. From across the room, Thor could hear it plainly. The same as it had been for days now. Asgardians from all over had been thronging through the capital ever since the official announcement had been made two weeks ago. All of them here to witness the union of Loki Laufeyson and Lilith Morgan.

_Thank the gods it's taking place today. I'm not sure any of us could have survived another day like this._

"Loki," he tried again, still no success. Gods, he'd never seen the man act like a complete basket case. Finally at the end of his patience, Thor reached out to lay a restraining hand on his shoulder. "_Loki_."

His brother snapped his attention to Thor and glared. Finally, a reaction.

"_What?_"

"You're going to wear a hole right through Asgard if you keep that up, and it sure as Hel isn't going to pass the hours any faster."

The glare dissolved into a rueful grin, and Loki raked his fingers through his sable hair distractedly.

"I know, Brother, but this wait…it's unbearable. I never should have agreed to let Mother push this off an extra week."

"I think you'd be just as damned fidgety even if you'd had your way."

"You're some help."

"I already suggested a number of ideas that would help fill the morning hours, and if I recalled correctly, you cited all of them as 'ridiculous'."

"And they were. You suggested sparring with the warriors in the training yard. Suppose I lost concentration- which is a fair possibility today- and got myself injured?"

"Okay, I'll admit that particular idea wasn't the best I could have come up with. But some of the others were perfectly acceptable."

"Name one."

"The garden- go for a walk and get out of this room."

"Have you seen the multitudes outside? The second I go out there, it's an unending litany of well-wishers and curious busy-bodies. I really don't want to start off my wedding day with a murder."

"You're impossible," Thor replied, throwing up his hands in exasperation. "Why in the nine realms did Mother leave this task up to _me_?"

"Likely because she's with Lilith and Odin is busy meeting with the various Lords and Ladies inundating the palace as we speak. So you, Brother, drew the short straw and must deal with me."

Loki leaned against the windowsill, staring out over Asgard with a faraway expression. He sighed, resting a curled fist at shoulder height on the stone arch. For a long time, Thor waited for him to say something. But when well over ten minutes passed without anything to break the silence, he steeled himself to speak. Maybe risk suggesting another idea- even an argument about why it was also 'ridiculous' would be better than this. Before he put that plan into action, Loki finally spoke.

"It wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't forbidden from seeing her. Three days, Thor. Do you have any idea how long that is when I'd gotten so accustomed to seeing her every day?"

"No, I don't. But it's tradition."

"Definitely not one of my favorites at the moment," Loki muttered darkly. "And quite frankly-"

_Oh no, not another long speech. I can't listen to another one. _In an attempt to distract his brother, he interrupted him with a question.

"Did you ever think it'd turn out this way?"

Loki shot him a curious glance from the corner of his eye. "What would?"

"Anything. Everything. That one day you'd be standing here, hours away from getting married."

After a few moments' thought, he replied, "Married? Yes, I foresaw that eventuality. This particular wedding, however…is not what I had envisioned."

"What does that even mean?"

A shake of his head and a sigh. Loki focused on the view beyond the window again. Thor waited a reasonable time for an answer, but when it didn't come, he prodded.

"Brother?"

"I always assumed I was destined for a woman who would trade her loyalty for the power I intended to claim. From my perspective, just a means of securing an heir. Nothing more." After a moment of silence, Loki let out a dry laugh. "Depressing, I know."

"But…_why_?"

"You sound so surprised, Brother. You shouldn't be. Do you not remember those early years, once everyone learned what I truly was? How different everyone saw me?"

Thor remembered all too well the day everything changed, and guilt nipped at him that he'd been no better than the others for the longest time. He may not have been openly hurtful- as others had been- but he'd let the discovery of Loki's true parentage color his understanding of the man he'd called 'Brother' for those early years. He'd let it change the bond between them, wanting to distance himself from the enmity aimed at Loki and left his brother to stand alone.

_If I hadn't- if I'd chosen to stand with him then, could any of the events that followed have been prevented? Would Lilith have been spared her fate with Danethar?_ Questions that he could never answer, and ones he suspected might haunt him for some time to come. Especially in moments like these. Loki continued, not having noticed Thor's lack of response.

"How could I have concluded anything else in the face of all that? Until I met Lilith, I never expected anyone- women especially- to truly understand me. And even if one _did_, that she might actually _love_ me. No, Thor, I never thought I'd ever have a chance for a future like this."

"I…" Thor hesitated. "I don't think I ever realized how miserable things were for you."

"It's the past," Loki replied with a shrug. "Leave it there."

"I fell I owe…"

"Don't apologize for the brother you weren't back then; I don't intend to apologize for having made a bad situation worse."

Now he fell silent, thinking. Recalling the conversation he'd had with Lilith that one time in the library. Hadn't she said almost the same thing? Thor folded his arms and shrugged in return.

"It's funny, Lilith told me months ago that she saw no point in trying to make up for what did or didn't happen in the past, and preferred to start over with the present."

Slowly, Loki's melancholy mood lifted and he managed a smile.

"Who are we, then, to contradict the Lady?"

Thor laughed and joined his brother at the window. Try stood side by side for a long time, neither of them saying a word.

"You know how lucky you are, right?"

"The luckiest man in Asgard,"

"If I sit still any longer, I'll be forever stuck to the seat of this chair."

"You're over exaggerating, dear," Frigga assured me, unfazed by my pique. "We'll be done in just a little while."

I sighed in frustrated capitulation and counted to ten in my head. Servants had knocked on my door at dawn this morning. I'd answered it blearily, expecting some reminder about yet another meeting I'd forgotten, only to be ushered without preamble to Frigga's suite. Hel, I hadn't even been given the opportunity to change out of my pajamas. From there, hour after hour of preparation. Or at least it sure seemed that long. I honestly had no idea of the present time. Whenever I asked Frigga, she found some way to change the subject and never answered the question. So my only frame of reference came when the servants had allowed Sif, Birgitta and the others inside. That had been well over an hour ago.

_A far different experience than my last wedding day._

Different in so many ways. So many terrifyingly _exciting_ ways. In a few hours, I'd agree to spend the rest of my life with a man who'd made me think. Made me smile. Laugh. Cry. Love. I was his world, he'd said. And God of Lies he was, but he'd meant every word.

"I still can't imagine how difficult it was to arrange all this so quickly," I heard Birgitta exclaim. "Two weeks? My own wedding to Timar took at least four to plan. Even then, we still had a few mishaps the day of the ceremony."

"It would have been less than that if Loki had his way."

"Gee, I can't imagine why he'd be so impatient," Sif joked as her eyes met mine in the mirror. "I'm surprised you could talk him out of it."

"I believe 'threaten' is the better definition," I answered. "But eventually, Frigga was able to make him see reason."

And thank the gods for that. When we announced at dinner our intended betrothal, I had assumed Loki meant for a wedding the following summer- after the campaign with the Dark Elves. But then he'd immediately suggested timing it to coincide with the harvest celebration. Definitely a shock to me, but the reactions from everyone else at the table had been far more interesting. I remembered each one in vivid detail, even now. Enthusiasm and congratulations from Thor; Frigga's combination of maternal delight and Queenly dread at the magnitude of the preparations; the lack of surprise in Odin's expression.

Perhaps most interesting of all, when Frigga had tried to dissuade such a plan, the Allfather had been one of Loki's allies in changing her mind. Thor, too. _I can guess just how serious this conflict with the Dark Elves might be._ If it were as straightforward as Loki tried to make it sound to me, they wouldn't be so adamant to do this now. But this could be a war coming, and even the Allfather wasn't sure how long the battles may rage in the coming year. Celebrate now, because who knew what might become of us all once it began. Not one of them said it, but I'd heard that unspoken message none-the-less. Frigga had, too. So she'd relented, arguing them into giving her two weeks and no less.

How we managed to do it, I honestly didn't know. Every day I found myself in meetings that carved out almost every waking hour. Florists, dressmakers, printers, artisans of all kinds. I carried with me a journal to take notes or I would have forgotten it all in a blur of endless decisions. They kept me so busy I had little time for books or music or my garden. Or even Loki, for that matter. We'd snatch a half-hour here and there, but we were so hurried that I wasn't sure we could truly enjoy those moments.

Then three days ago, Frigga told me that evening would be the last I would see of my love until the ceremony. Loki and I evaded all of our remaining appointments for the night and devoted those final hours to making the best use of that time. We found a secluded corner of the library where no one would find us and did not leave until nearly dawn. We talked sometimes; others, we just sat in companionable silence. Once or twice, lost track of an hour to ardent kisses that left us both breathless. But with the arrival of the sun's first light, we reluctantly parted ways. I hadn't seen even a passing glimpse of him since then.

_Just a few more _hours, I reminded myself fiercely. _I can wait just a few more hours._

"I saw the great hall on our way up here, My Queen," Lady Kendry praised, drawing my attention back to the conversation around me. "It's lovely."

"I don't take all the credit. Lilith designed most of the floral pieces herself- potted arrangements instead of cut flowers, so they'll continue growing after they're transplanted to the gardens."

"Marvelous. But however did you find the time?"

"I'm not quite sure, Birgitta. Then again, I haven't been playing my cello of late. So it's a good thing I won't be called upon to perform today."

"At least not on a musical stage," Sif added with a conspiratorial grin. "But I'm sure you'll be getting plenty of attention."

"All of Asgard will be downstairs."

"I highly doubt it, Jorra."

"You'd better believe it. They all want to see the woman who captured the elusive heart of the God of Mischief. Not to mention the woman crazy enough to want it."

"I resent the word 'crazy'."

"Then what would you call it?"

I smiled to myself before replying, "Ladies, if I could explain it, I'd be wiser than even the Allfather himself."

"You actually love him, though?" Marie questioned. "I mean, he's…" She trailed off, glancing nervously at Frigga, as if afraid to offend the Queen. "And you're not…intimidated?"

"Lilith…_intimidated?_" Sif burst out laughing, unable to contain herself. "Not a chance. She's got more than enough grit to be a match for that Jotun. You watch- he'll be the one kept on his toes."

Amusement twinkled in Frigga's eyes as she pinned one last delicate braid in place and then turned away.

"I don't doubt you're right, Sif. Lady Birgitta- can you bring over that basket? I think I'm ready to add the flowers."

"Then I expect the only thing left is the gown."

"What dressmaker did you select to make it, Lilith?"

"The same one as I patronized for the gown I wore to the concert. A Lady by the name of Eira."

Fortunately she'd had the capacity to craft the gown in time. Since that evening, her business had indeed grown in popularity. I'd seen a new sign over her door and renovations in the shop, all thanks to the boost in revenue from recent commission work. A number of highborn Ladies had already approached her about gowns for the occasion, but Eira had been more than pleased to prioritize my request. She'd said it was the least she could do to repay me for the chance I'd given her when no one else would. In truth, I suspected she'd been playing around with ideas for a wedding gown even before the announcement had been made. The dressmaker hadn't taken long at all to produce a design that pleased the both of us.

_And if I don't miss my guess, will render Loki even more speechless than the last one._

The great hall teemed with guests of all ranks and occupations- hardly room to spare. They chattered to one another excitedly as they waited for the ceremony. The noise was deafening. Or would have been if Loki had been paying any attention to it; he was lost in his own thoughts and hardly noticed any of the activity around him. After what had seemed like interminable hours of waiting, the hour had finally come.

He and Thor stood on one side of the dais. The other remained vacant, awaiting Lilith's arrival. Meanwhile, Odin and Frigga presided from their respective thrones. Loki spared them a glance, trying to gauge when the former might give the signal to begin. Nothing there to help him whatsoever, though his mother did smile reassuringly. Perhaps he smiled back- honestly, he didn't know. Didn't care. From behind him, Loki heard his brother whisper an observation of his own.

"Strange…I wonder where Heimdall is."

"What?"

"Heimdall. I don't see him in the crowd anywhere. Sif is near the front, so I would have expected to see him with her."

"I suppose he could be watching from the Bifrost," Loki suggested in a low voice. "Ever thinking of his duty to watch over Asgard."

"Maybe," Thor agreed dubiously. "But I could have sworn he said he'd be here."

Loki said nothing, leaving his brother to puzzle about Heimdall's mysterious absence for himself. Aside from Lilith and _maybe_ his family, he really didn't care if anyone else were here. He'd agreed to this public spectacle for his mother's sake, not for his own. If he'd had his choice, the ceremony would have been held a week ago- very privately- in Lilith's garden.

_Who would have ever guessed I'd be _complaining_ about receiving the recognition and attention due a Prince of Asgard. I suppose now that I've gotten what I wanted, I best learn to get used to it._

The cacophony of voices ceased suddenly, and Loki's gaze darted back to the Allfather. Sure enough, he'd called the assembled guests to silence. Odin then nodded to the priestess, who crossed the dais to stand in front of the long aisle that split the hall down its middle. From somewhere, musicians began to play. Every head turned towards the doors to the back of the room, straining to catch sight of…

"Lilith," Loki finished in an awed whisper.

She stepped onto the burgundy aisle-runner, a vision of perfection in what had to be the most beautiful dress he'd ever seen. It had been made just for her. From the tantalizing, strapless bodice that mastered her fluid curves, to the yards of white silk and lace trailing gracefully behind her as she walked. As Lilith drew closer, he noticed even more detail. An intricate pattern of seed pearls and diamonds caught the light filtering in through the open windows. Thousands of them. Accented by a woven design of delicate, forest green ribbons. Lady Eira had outdone herself.

Loki's eyes drifted up, and smiled to see the emerald earrings and pendant. They matched the circlet she wore upon the crown of her head. Silver filigree set with diamonds and emeralds. Loki's attention was drawn to the dozens of purple blossoms worked into her hair. Distar. He should have expected it, but a wave of surprise caught him off-guard. So perfect. Lilith was truly everything he could have ever hoped for.

_And very soon, she'll be all mine._

Not until Lilith had taken the final steps to join him on the dais did he notice the man standing next to her. _Not on the Bifrost, after all, it would seem._ Loki supposed of anyone here, Heimdall would be the natural choice to stand in as her father. Over this past summer, he'd certainly looked after her as befitting that role. Not to mention if not for him, Loki doubted either of them would be standing here today.

Lilith's matchmaker jest from a few weeks ago hit him suddenly, and for one horrifying moment a fit of uncontrollable laughter threatened to overcome him. Gods help him; he couldn't laugh _now_. Heimdall saved him- saved all of them, really- as he leaned in close to issue a warning for Loki alone.

"You treat her well, Jotun, because I'll be watching. And if you cause Lilith any undue pain, I'll hold you answerable for it. Mark my words."

He didn't wait for a reply, and stepped back again. Lilith glanced at both of them, bemused by the exchange. Just then, the priestess reclaimed everyone's attention, giving her no opportunity to satisfy her curiosity as the ceremony began. The woman's voice carried effortlessly over the crowd, reaching even the remote corners of the room. She invoked the familiar rituals by memory. Words of tradition, honor, respect. And as Loki stood facing his beloved, he committed himself to living up to those ideals.

At long last, they came to the end. The final three steps before Lilith would be his: rings, vows and blessings. The priestess called for the first, and Loki withdrew the ring he'd commissioned for Lilith the day after he'd returned from Midgard. The dwarves had only just finished it yesterday. With good reason. Its white gold band gleamed from the skill of their fine work, but the cut and setting of its gems surpassed even that. As the centerpiece, a diamond that caught sunlight and transformed it into a dazzling starburst. On either side, the rarest emeralds in Asgard; deep green with a sapphire glow. Loki placed it on her ring finger and spoke the words that would not only bind himself to her for a lifetime, but echoed everything he felt for her.

"Lilith, you're the answer to everything I've ever searched for and the partner I never thought I'd find in this world or the next. You're my beloved, friend and soulmate. I offer you my companionship, fidelity and love for the rest of my days."

The priestess turned to Lilith and she produced the ring she'd had made for him. Loki was not disappointed. Yellow gold, embellished with fine etching. Inlaid into the band, diamonds and emeralds. When he looked closely, the latter flared sapphire. Lilith must have gone to the dwarves as well, for no jeweler in the city could have obtained gems such as these. She slid the gold band on his finger and offered her own vows.

"Loki, you are the unexpected gift I couldn't have imagined and the one person I can't imagine living without. You're the smile in my heart and the laughter in my soul. The first thought I have in the morning and the last before I fall asleep. I offer you my companionship, fidelity and love for the rest of my days."

"By the blessings of the gods, the two of you shall be joined from this day and forever as husband and wife."

The words were no sooner said than Loki folded his arms around Lilith and swept her into a fervent kiss. The exuberant cheers around them seemed miles away when compared to his joy at knowing she would be part of his tomorrows- all of them to the end of time. That he would be a part of hers. A nudge to his shoulder brought him back to the present.

"If you're about done, Brother," Thor mused drily. "There's a feast awaiting us in the next room."

Frigga sighed contentedly as she watched Loki and Lilith dance. The hectic scramble to plan this wedding had all been worth it to see them so happy together.

"Six," Thor remarked smugly.

"Six what?"

"That's six times you've sighed in the past half hour. And _twice_ as many 'praise the gods'."

"I'm just admiring the couple in their newfound bliss. Can't I be happy for my son on his wedding day?"

"Come now, Mother, I was only teasing."

"I'd be cautious," she warned good-naturedly. "Or I might be tempted to do the same to you."

"How would you plan to do that?"

Frigga turned to Thor and beamed at him knowingly; he fought the urge to squirm like a five year old boy. Seeing him so uncomfortable was nearly enough, but she went ahead and teased him, anyway.

"I could start by suggesting that you would do well to find a Lady who might make you so happy."

He groaned and pressed the heels of his palms to his eyes.

"Not _this_ again."

"It's just a suggestion. But you can't deny your brother is well contented. Or that Lilith has had much to do with that fact."

"Just because _he's _happy doesn't mean_ I'd _be happy. Wasn't that something Loki always harped on- that he and I were different and shouldn't be treated the same?"

That was a sharper argument than she'd anticipated. Far more clever than his response during their last discussion on the subject. Frigga suspected Thor's extra hours in Loki's company lately made all the difference. He thought more these days before reacting simply on instinct. She wondered if he even noticed the effect his brother had on him now that they truly listened to one another. For now, though, she was somewhat thwarted. Unless she came at the subject from another angle…

"If you think of it as…"

"_No_, Mother. If I'm meant to find a wife, I'll find her in my own time and in my own way." He rose from his chair to depart. "In the meantime, I'm going to wish Loki and Lilith well."

He stalked away, having won their argument. Not to mention closed the subject against future discussions. Frigga couldn't argue against his reasons, but she did wish he would look a little harder. As she watched him weave through the crowd, she noticed a few female heads turn and follow him with wistful expressions. Thor saw not one of them.

"My Queen, you are incorrigible at times," Odin rebuked softly. "You must let him be. The time will come soon enough."

"I know, Husband, but at times like this I feel compelled to try. With the right woman, I think he would be very happy."

"And one day, Thor will find her."

"Mhmm," Frigga answered absently as Thor stopped his journey to talk with Sif.

"Even if he _doesn't_, that's his choice and not ours, my love."

"Of course," she murmured, eyes still fixed on the scene before her.

The two traded words for a few minutes. Sif must have made a joke because Thor laughed. And then just as it began, their conversation ended. Thor was on his way to the edge of the dance floor while Sif shook her head and smile. Frigga thought for one fraction of a second that she might have seen that same wistful look cross her face as had the other ladies.

_Is that possible? Could _Sif_ be interested in Thor?_ They'd always had a bond since childhood, friends who shared an interest in weaponry and battle. But perhaps something more lay beneath that friendship. She considered how she might ferret out whether her theories held any merit.

"Frigga, dear, have you even heard a word I've said?"

"I'm sorry, what?" she answered somewhat sheepishly.

Odin sighed. "Never mind. Just try for all our sakes not to push him on the subject. He'll have enough on his mind these next months."

Now if anything could shake Frigga's cheerful mood, mention of the coming war with the Dark Elves would be the surest. Since Odin had revealed to her the purpose of his mysterious meeting, she'd often wished he had kept her unaware for a while longer. The skirmishes this past spring still haunted her; she didn't want to envision what devastation a full-scale war would bring to Asgard. Her gaze fell on the happy newlyweds on the dance floor.

_Or what devastation it might bring to our family._

She hadn't fully understood that day why Loki had been so adamant to marry Lilith at the harvest feast. And she'd been even more baffled that Odin and Thor would be so quick to support the idea. But as they'd argued, she'd become acutely aware of some underlying reason for their sense of urgency. She'd seen it on Lilith's face, too. So she'd agreed in the end. Only later did she press Odin for an answer; his explanation had been brief and terrifying.

_My son, how I worry for you. Asgard needs you to do this dangerous thing, but we need you here, too. Now more than ever. And my heart would not be the only one to break if you did not come back safely._

"What if he's captured," she worried aloud.

"Frigga, I'm so sorry," Odin apologized in a tone that bespoke remorse. "I shouldn't have troubled you with such things today of all days. Think no more on it and enjoy the celebration."

"What if he is, though? What if they find him out for the spy he is and hold him ransom? Or worse yet- what if they_ kill_ him?"

"We're planning for that. For anything that might go wrong. Please do not worry."

"Have you? What kind of plans?"

"They're not finished yet, but I promise you I won't let any harm come to our son." Odin sighed and muttered, "Hel knows what_ she'll _do if I fail to present a plan before he leaves."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Lilith. She's…adamant…that Loki's safety is protected as best as possible. And given how alarmed _he_ was when conveying that demand…I don't wish to consider what the consequences might be should that protection not be assured."

Frigga wasn't surprised that Lilith had made her opinion known. In truth, she was more surprised that Loki had mentioned any of his intended activities regarding Svartalfheim to her so soon. But what _would_ the young woman do that might frighten her son so terribly? Odin assumed she meant to unleash some dire punishment on Asgard- or upon him personally. Frigga wasn't convinced that's what she had in mind. Nor would that give Loki much worry. What would he truly fear?

"Oh gods," she exclaimed once she realized just what Lilith planned to do. "She'd go to Svartalfheim to free him herself."

"You think so?"

"She would. The second she suspected he was captured, Lilith would create a gate to that realm and fetch him back."

"But she couldn't hope to find him. They'd capture her first."

"Exactly, my love. Why do you think Loki's so worried?"

Odin paused to stare at the two of them, expression thoughtful. After several minutes, he nodded.

"I believe you're right, my Queen. I also believe I've been unintentionally blind to a powerful weapon in our arsenal."

Frigga darted a look to Lilith, and then back.

"Husband, you don't mean to use Lilith in this? She's not a warrior."

"But she has a talent that might save a good many of them from certain death. Would you condemn them by not at least exploring the idea?"

"Noooo, but…" she gazed at the dance floor once more, troubled. "I beg you not to risk too much. Like Loki, I fear she will agree to do more than she can handle just to prove herself. I couldn't bear to see either of them break under that kind of pressure."

"If I promise to heed your concerns, will you enjoy the celebration and speak no more of this today?"

"Yes. So long as you promise."

I couldn't recall a time when I'd been so deliriously happy. All around us, Asgardian Lords and Ladies celebrated and offered wishes to our happiness. So many people and faces, but they were all a blur; I had eyes only for one man today. Loki. My husband. Those words sent a lightning-hot sizzle through me every time I repeated them.

In that tailored suit, he looked far more handsome than any man- god or not- had any right to be. Worsted-wool dyed black as midnight with green accents, and underneath, a snow-white dress shirt. A combination designed to flatter every inch of him, flaunting equally his elegance and strength. Gold and emerald cuff-links flashed at his wrists, but I kept glancing at the slim band of gold now circling his left ring-finger. He's all _mine_ now.

"Dare I ask what thought brought _that_ expression to your face, love?" Loki asked with a wicked smile. "Or shall I guess?"

"I'd say you already have."

A passing servant stopped to offer us glasses of champagne from his tray. We each selected one and toasted one another. Despite the freely flowing wine, mead and champagne, this was only my second glass of the evening. Even then, I sipped it slowly. I had no intentions of becoming drunk. And neither did Loki, I had a feeling, as he was equally as sparing when it came to imbibing. Let others drink themselves into a stupor in our stead; I wanted to remember everything about this night.

"So were you going to tell me?"

"I thought you'd already guessed."

"Of course I have." He leaned in close and murmured, "But I'd enjoy it so much more to hear _you_ say it."

"I was admiring you," I admitted brazenly. "As I'm sure many Ladies have been doing this evening. And that's all they can do, because you're mine now."

My pulse quickened at the swift change in his expression. A moment ago he'd been merely playful, now a yearning hunger burned in the depths of his eyes. I recognized the look for what it was. How could I not, feeling the same longing myself? Since the conversation in my suite two weeks ago, we hadn't succumbed to that hunger for more than kisses. A lack of opportunity played a key part, but it wasn't the real reason for waiting. No, we'd wanted to save that final step for today. And now it was here. Not just the day, but the moment itself.

Loki extricated the fluted glass from my hand and set it next to his on a nearby table. As he walked back to me, my awareness of the room narrowed until I saw nothing but him. When he held out his hand, I laid mine in it and tilted my gaze up to meet his.

"I think it's time we left," I suggested softly. "Don't you agree?"

"Whole-heartedly." He hesitated before adding, "Where did you have in mind?"

I could think of only one destination.

"Your suite."

"Lilith," he began, a searching look in his eyes. "Are you…"

I silenced him with a kiss, conveying in the clearest way possible that I knew what I wanted. Loki had no difficulty interpreting my intent, nor did he delay in acting upon it. One second we stood in the great hall; the next we were alone in the corridor outside his suite. Wordlessly, he turned the handle and led me inside. Despite having been here at least a half-dozen times over the past month, tonight felt very, very different.

Anticipation fluttered wildly in my chest and I might have wobbled on my feet if Loki hadn't swept me up into his arms. I joined both hands at the back of his neck, fingers interlacing. My eyes never left his face as he carried me into his bedroom and set me down again. Here I was, standing in the inner sanctum of his suite for the first time.

"One more and I think I'll have you, Thor Odinson," Heimdall boasted. "I'll wager you three days' guard duty on the Bifrost that you can't finish the next tankard."

"_Can so_."

The warrior snagged one from the tray the group had purloined from one of the servants and set it on the table before him. He gestured to it with a smug grin.

"Prove it, then."

"Thor, don't. It's not worth it." That from Sif, who slugged her brother on the arm as she chided him, "Are you trying to get him so drunk he can barely stand?"

"You just don't understand the rules of the game," Timar defended him.

"Obviously not. Nor do I think I want to, since it seems to involve behaving like sotted idiots."

"We are not. Thor, tell her she's mistaken."

He would, except he was pretty sure he was just as drunk as she claimed he was. Not as bad as that time in Utgard, praise the gods, but he was certainly far from sober. And oh how she glared at him. Nope, Thor did _not_ want to add to that volcano of female fury in any way. Lucky for him, Heimdall took up the challenge and drew her ire his way.

"It's his brother's wedding feast, Sif. Let him celebrate."

"Yeah, we'll see if he's still singing that tune come morning when he's dragging himself to drill with a hangover that could stun an ox."

"I'll get Loki to fix it for me," Thor suggested. "He's got this magic thing he can do- works wonders for hangovers." A moment of silence as everyone shared dubious looks. Thor frowned at them. "What?"

"Thor…"

"What? It's no big deal. Only takes a few minutes. I could just…"

"Please don't say you actually intend to knock on Loki's door tomorrow at the crack of dawn to ask him to fix your hangover," Timar insisted in horrified disbelief.

"He'll be just down the hall."

"The man got _married._ This afternoon."

"Yeah, so?"

"So think it through."

Thor stared at his friend blankly, at a loss for what point he was trying to make.

"I told you," Sif declared righteously. "He's already too far gone to put something that simple together."

"Oh shut up."

"I will not shut up, Heimdall. It's _your_ fault, anyway, for egging him on."

"For the love of the Allfather. Thor's a grown man. He made his own choice."

She grumbled something decidedly rude under her breath and stalked off without a word to any of them. Thor wanted to call her back and make peace, but Sif was already gone. The others just shrugged and shook their heads, perplexed by her pique.

"Dunno what got her so upset," the Watchman said to Timar. "I've known her to get just as soused from time to time."

"Same here. No sense worrying about that right now, though." His friend then turned back to him. "Thor, you _can't_ go knocking on your brother's door tomorrow morning."

"Why not?"

Timar sided an exasperated look to Heimdall and sighed, "I'm going to have to spell it out for him, aren't I?"

"So it would seem."

"You sure you wouldn't rather…"

"No, I wouldn't. This is all you, Timar."

"Wonderful."

Now Thor was losing his patience with their banter. He gestured to them and bellowed irritably, "Gods' mercy, just tell me _why_ already."

"Because Loki and his bride will likely be celebrating very late tonight. _Privately._"

A very, very long and significant pause while the two warriors stared at him expectantly. Wheels caught, turned, and finally Thor realized what they'd been trying to tell him. _Oh how could I have been so stupid?_ No, he wouldn't want to barge into Loki's suite first thing tomorrow. At best, he would likely wake the couple; at worst…gods, he definitely didn't want to _interrupt_ anything. Either way, his brother would be more likely to kill him than cure his hangover.

"Yeah, okay," he conceded aloud. "Not the best time to ask for a favor."

"Glad you finally worked that out for yourself."

Thor cleared his throat and glanced around the room, avoiding the somewhat uncomfortable expressions on both Timar and Heimdall's faces. None of them quite wanted to think about Loki and Lilith, and just what that private celebration might entail. He spotted Sif at one of the far tables, talking with Birgitta. The latter was frowning and nodding. Not a good sign.

"Timar," he mentioned in a warning tone. "You should know that Sif's talking with your Lady at the moment."

"Oh that's just what I need. No doubt she'll be riled up, too."

"That's why I told you," he replied, still scanning the crowd. Only after he'd swept the guests twice did he realize what he wasn't seeing. "They're gone."

"Who's gone," Timar queried.

"Loki and Lilith. They're not here."

They both glanced at Heimdall, who shook his head in flat denial, "Oh no way. I am _not_ checking to find out where they've gone. You want to know, you go find out for yourself."

Another very long pause, and then Thor raised his tankard aloft in salute, "To you, Brother, and to Lilith. May the night be everything you've dreamed it to be."

The others joined him.

"To the bride and groom."

_This is most definitely Loki's bedroom,_ I mused as I took in my surroundings. Dark-grained hardwood furniture, fashioned with great expertise and artistry; luxuriant upholstery in varying complementary shades of dark green. And though sparse in number, the paintings chosen for this room were masterpieces in their own right. Beautiful, complex, thought-provoking…much like the god himself. _And he chose me to share his life with him._

Starting tonight. I didn't lie to myself and say I wasn't a bit nervous. How does this begin? I didn't know.

Loki traced the curve of my cheek with his fingertips, then bent his head to brush his lips over mine. Gently at first, but as my nervousness gave way to passion, hungrily. Our mouths met again and again, each time a little longer than the one before. He teased mine open to explore its recesses with his tongue. I inhaled sharply at the unexpected rush of pleasure and, feeling incredibly bold, experimented with a foray of my own. One of us moaned; I wasn't sure who. Hel, I wasn't even sure how long we'd been standing here.

Long enough, it would seem. Dimly, I was aware of Loki's fingers deftly unfastening the row of buttons down the back of my gown. I didn't protest or try to stop him. The bodice loosened, gliding sinuously over the shift beneath it before pooling at my feet. Suspended by two transparent ribbons, only a layer of diaphanous white silk acted as the final veil concealing my body from his gaze. Loki did not remove it, in no apparent hurry. Instead, he slid a caressing hand around my waist, drawing me a step closer to him.

"You're so lovely," he whispered.

_Lovely_, I repeated inwardly. He really thought so. I smiled up at him and laid my hands on the shirt beneath his jacket. Almost of their own accord, they drifted upwards to ease the garment off his shoulders. Loki let it fall unhindered to the floor behind him. Our gazes met and held. Twin flames of cerulean desire smoldered in his eyes. I wondered if mine burned just as luminously.

Before I'd completely finished that thought, he kissed me again and robbed me of my capacity to think of anything. Especially once his lips left mine to trail down the line of my throat. My head tilted back, allowing him better access to the hollow at its base. Loki nuzzled the delicate skin and pressed a particularly fervent kiss just above the emerald pendant I still wore. Hands smoothed over silk and bared skin- his and mine, I realized belatedly. Loki's shirt lay on the floor with his jacket; I wasn't sure how it got there. Hardly mattered.

My breath caught just looking at him. Pale marble, carved as fine as any sculpture I'd seen in the palace's art collection or in books. Never could I have believed anyone could achieve that level of perfection. Loki did. A stunning combination of lean muscle and graceful poise. _The artist and warrior,_ echoed my thoughts from that day in the training yard.

"Beautiful," I whispered, as my eyes gazed upon him reverently.

Loki placed my hand over his heart; it beat steadily beneath my fingers. He whispered back, "And as you said, I'm all yours, Lilith."

An implicit invitation to explore, and utterly impossible to resist. And yet daunting for me, having had neither the opportunity nor interest in caressing a man's body before. Curiosity eventually overcame my initial shyness, and my hands began to wander over him. The texture of his skin thoroughly fascinated me as I skimmed every plane and ridge without reservation. Clavicle, shoulder…down the sweep of his back. Even the toned muscles of his abdomen. Losing myself in discovering each one; craving even more.

I glanced at him through my lashes. Seeing the echoing need in his eyes, I entreated him softly, "Loki, take me to bed."

[Some Time Later]

Utterly spent and trembling in the aftermath of our shared passion, we held onto one another and panted in an effort to catch our breaths. My heartbeat thundered in my chest; Loki's was a matching echo in my ear, which was cradled against his throat. Gradually, equilibrium returned. Loki raised himself on one forearm to look down at me, still buried deep in my body. I brushed back the slightly damp strand of hair that had fallen across his eyes and smiled. Loki returned it.

"I can think of a number of words to describe how it felt to make love," he suggested with earnest tenderness. "What about you, sweetheart?"

"Just one," I answered. "Perfect. Absolutely perfect."

A touch of surprise flickered in his expression. Fingertips grazed my temple lovingly and Loki seemed at a loss for words for several minutes. I traced the slope of his shoulders with contented, leisurely strokes and waited.

"That's the only one I could have wished to hear," he said at last. A moment later he admitted with a sigh, "I don't want to move, but probably should…"

He intended that he should withdraw entirely, of course; I chose to interpret the words differently. So before he could disentangle himself, my hands slid to the hollow in the small of his back. I flashed him a particularly incendiary look and purred seductively, "If you think you can improve upon perfection, you're welcome to try again."

Loki understood my meaning immediately, an answering spark flaring in his eyes. But then he shook his head regretfully.

"As much as I'd like to, Lilith, it's too soon."

"I'm sure I…"

"My love," he interrupted beseechingly. His forehead rested against mine and Loki closed his eyes as he continued unevenly, "I could lose myself in making love to you again, but if I were to hurt you I couldn't bear it."

He tremored in my arms, and I drew one hand upwards to entwine comfortingly into his sable hair. The fear in those whispered words was genuine. I truly believed Loki would never forgive himself if he caused me undue pain. But that didn't mean I would give up so easily. After thinking for a moment or two, I was ready with an answer that might change his mind.

"Loki, do you trust me," I murmured softly, repeating the question he'd asked me not very long ago.

His eyes drifted open. They still held an underlying thread of worry, but he answered honestly.

"Yes, Lilith. But…"

"I want to know the magic of being with you. Love me again, Loki- I won't suffer injury, I promise."

A minute of silence. Then two. The concern in his expression faded by degrees, leaving in its wake a yearning that held a promise of his own. Just before he leaned in to kiss me, he remarked with a mischievous grin, "How could I dare refuse, my Lady?" I had just enough time to mutter a half-curse at him before our lips met. "To Valhalla it is, then."

_To Valhalla, my love,_ my thoughts echoed.


	45. Epilogue: For Ever and Always

Lilith curled onto her side and draped an arm over his waist, contented and thoroughly exhausted. Loki smiled to himself. The hour was incredibly late. Or early, depending on how one looked at it. They'd spent the night scaling the heights of ecstasy- the likes of which he'd never experienced before. Still smiling, he wrapped one arm around her and sighed.

_Perfect._

Every moment of today had embodied the essence of the word. Far beyond any of his wildest dreams. Loki relished the knowledge that his bride felt the same. He'd wanted so much for this night to be perfect for her. To be the one she deserved to have.

Loki replayed in his mind memories of the beautiful passion Lilith had shown him. So responsive and giving…Gods, even the few times they'd kissed before tonight hadn't prepared him for the depth of it. Partly because in the darkest corner of his mind, he'd worried she couldn't overcome the trauma of her past. That Lilith might feel desire, but be unable to truly experience it. A worry quickly dismissed once they'd arrived in his suite. She'd given herself to him so willingly- so _trustingly_. Loki had reached for that trust with both hands and had given of himself in return. The reward had been well worth it.

"Loki," Lilith mumbled drowsily.

"Yes, my love?"

"You were _wonderful._"

He kissed the crown of her head, inhaling the fragrant Distar flowers still entwined in Lilith's hair.

"You _are_ wonderful, Lilith," he insisted.

She tilted her head back, looking up at him. Bathed in moonlight from the nearby window, her sapphire eyes shone luminously with love. For him. Loki stroked the smooth arch of Lilith's back, amazed even now at the immeasurable ways that she had changed his life. Had in fact given it back to him just when he'd begun to believe he didn't deserve one. Would never be anything. Just by being her- and letting him be who he was.

She propped herself up on an elbow, auburn hair tumbling around her bare shoulders; the pins holding it in place had been lost hours ago in the revelry. Loki's smile bordered on erotic, remembering. Lilith didn't miss the change and quirked an eyebrow in bemusement.

"Pleasant thoughts, my love?" she mused.

Loki leaned close to kiss her softly before answering, "Only the best I've ever had."

A delicate blush blossomed in her cheeks. "I'm sure that's…"

"_True_," he finished for her. "Every word. This day has been the best one of my life. Thanks to you, sweetheart."

Lilith's hand reached up to sift tenderly through his hair, as she'd done several times this evening. He loved that after her initial shyness, she'd been eager to caress him. For a minute or two, he savored the light brush of her fingertips. Then she laid her head against his chest and spoke.

"I never could have imagined…Loki, I'll treasure the memory of tonight for always."

"As will I, Lilith," he murmured, holding her close. "Just as I intend to treasure you. For ever and always."


End file.
